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How I Stopped Hating Myself · Grounded and Guided: Channeled Insight, Real Life Lessons and Spirit Lead Conversations for Transformation and Change

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  Hello world, and welcome to Grounded and Guided.
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  I'm your host, Lynette Waltham, and I'm just so happy that you are
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  choosing this moment to spend with me.
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  Thank you.
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  Today, I want to talk about something that is so much a part of me, that comes
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  from deep within me, and I embody it.
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  I have walked this walk and struggled, and it is been so much a part
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  of this journey to this point of where I am today, and that is about
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  the relationship with ourselves.
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  And when I say that, like, how we are speaking to ourselves,
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  how we are treating ourselves.
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  Can we give ourselves compassion?
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  Can we wrap our arms around ourselves and say, "I love you"?
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  Or are we at odds with the mirror?
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  Are we in a space where we are not kind to ourselves?
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  We talk very unkind words and have very unkind inner dialogue with ourselves.
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  Do we have that inner critic that is constantly running in
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  the background saying that we are not skinny enough, pretty enough,
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  smart enough, young enough, strong enough, and that, that list goes on.
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  So this episode and this topic I feel like needs to just be wrapped in a
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  cocoon of compassion and kindness, because it can really pull at our
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  heartstrings when there's someone asking us how we are talking to ourselves.
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  And that compassion is just really important, just recognize that where
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  we are right now is enough, that we are loved just as we are right now.
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  This version of us in this moment, we are loved.
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  Now, I say that this- topic is so deeply connected to me because the
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  practice of being able to love myself is something that I have worked through,
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  transitioned into, and constantly am at battle with over and over again.
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  You see, there was a time when I hated myself.
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  I'm going to say it just as bluntly as that, that I hated myself,
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  and I was so mean to myself.
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  And that come at a time when I was dealing with a lot of emotions,
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  and all of that kind of mixed together, created an eating disorder.
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  That inner critic, the beliefs and the conditionings, the messages that
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  I had got from family and society, mixed with all the heightened emotions
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  of being a teenager, made this really interesting cocktail within
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  me that created an eating disorder.
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  And I want you to just recognize that these messages that we hear from our
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  external environment, the messages we're not skinny enough, we're not
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  good enough, all of that is not ours.
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  That is the BS from the external environment, and that
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  is what we call conditioning.
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  It can impact us, and somewhere as we start to move through life, it becomes
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  our beliefs that the ideal body looks a certain way, that the, the trophy
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  belongs to only those who, and you fill in the blank, to create these
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  beliefs that we are not good enough.
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  But love can tell us different and can slowly walk us back to this
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  place where we can believe that.
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  So that time in my life where I hated myself, what did that look like?
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  What did that feel like?
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  Let me kind of illustrate that for you.
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  Every time I looked in the mirror, I never had anything nice to say about myself.
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  It was always that, "You look fat." That, for me, was something
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  that continually played.
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  That was on a loop for me.
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  And because that was constantly on a loop in the background all of the time,
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  that kept me in this place of shame.
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  So everything that I wanted to achieve or to put myself out there or just be able
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  to just really go out and do, there was always this voice in the background saying
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  that I was fat, and it kept me stuck.
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  It kept me in fear of not being able to just move through life how I wanted to.
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  And it was that point where I had an emotional breakdown that kind
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  of started to shake everything up.
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  So if you know my story, listen to this podcast, you know that in 2017
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  I burned out and had an emotional breakdown, and why that happened is I
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  was living my life with my conditionings in the driver's seat of my life.
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  I was listening to the beliefs, the conditionings, the programmings
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  that were telling me who I was, and I wasn't listening to myself.
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  So I believed that I was fat.
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  I believed I wasn't worthy.
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  I believed that I wasn't good enough.
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  But there was something in me that was fighting that and telling
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  me, "No, that's not the truth.
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  That is not who you are." But my head just had me believing that was the
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  truth, so I was at odds, and I was fighting myself, and I broke down
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  And it's that experience that really started me looking at life differently.
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  Looking at the things that I had been doing up to that point in time that
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  got me there, and look at them and ask myself what belonged and what didn't.
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  And I remember hearing somewhere along the way this message of
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  how we talk to ourselves, and it had us just think about those that we love and
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  how we talk to those that we love compared to how we were talking to ourselves.
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  And it made me realize that how I talked to my friends and my family and
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  those that I cared about was in huge contrast to how I talked to myself.
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  Wow, my world was blown up.
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  That awareness alone on just that one very simple thing really started
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  to create big ripple effects for me.
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  So it was with that bit of understanding and awareness that I gained that
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  I decided to choose different So I made an intention that I'm gonna
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  change the way I talk to myself.
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  I become very aware of that inner dialogue, and when something come
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  up where I was belittling myself, being very negative I was unkind,
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  was hating myself, I just stopped.
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  I said, "No, I don't talk about myself like that anymore."
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  And it was just that simple act of stopping.
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  And then eventually that act of stopping created space where I started
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  to choose to change the dialogue.
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  And I say eventually because it didn't happen overnight.
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  Just like any change, there's a bit of a process.
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  It's not instantaneous.
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  There's some steps that we need to have to work through.
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  We need some space around that.
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  We need to be able to give ourselves kindness and compassion.
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  So eventually I got to that space where I could change how I was talking to myself.
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  It started small as just a matter of, " I see you.
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  There you are." Just kind of acknowledging myself as I was in that moment. And
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  then I was able to just start to say, "Oh, that color looks good on you.
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  Oh, I like that shirt." And those little things, they just started to build slowly
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  over time, just continuing to be kind.
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  I could shift into maybe some bigger things of being able to actually
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  put a hand on my heart, being able to actually add in some physical
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  s- touch with those kind words.
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  And eventually that language and that dialogue turned into, " I love you."
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  And I remember those first moments of saying, "I love you," and just
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  so much emotion flowed through me.
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  That was a huge step in connecting with myself and building a
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  relationship with myself.
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  And this practice holds true.
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  I talk to myself in kind, loving ways numerous times a day.
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  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect.
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  Absolutely not perfect.
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  And so there are times when I slip into that shame cycle, that shame dialogue,
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  and it kind of can start small and it can gain momentum very quickly.
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  When I talk about the relationship with myself and where I was at one
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  point in time in my l life contrasted to where I am today, is at that kind
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  of lowest point, there was just shame.
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  Everything was just, like, cloaked or bathed in shame.
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  Because I, I have an interest in personal wellness, in fitness, that has always
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  been a part of me, and because of that, I've also built this knowledge, and I even
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  feel like today so many of us know better.
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  And I'm gonna put air quotes around that, "know better" And that can
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  get us really wrapped up in a shame cycle of I know I shouldn't eat that.
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  Why did I eat that?
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  Oh you're stupid, you're worthless" And This ball of energy just starts building
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  and building and building as we talk to ourselves that way, and that inner critic
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  and those inner voices start, to build.
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  And it just makes us feel heavy and heavier, and just
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  even maybe more worthless.
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  And even as I talk about that, my body contracts.
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  I wanna drop my head because that energy of shame is very much a very low frequency
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  But I want you to recognize that you don't have to live there.
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  That does not need to be your steady state.
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  That battle with the mirror- That inner critic that won't shut up, this
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  feeling that you are not good enough, that does not need to be how you live.
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  You can transform from that.
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  You can transcend into a different way of living.
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  And it just starts by being able to shift one small thing.
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  So how do we shift?
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  The first thing you can do is just be aware.
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  Be aware of how you talk to yourself.
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  And once we become aware, we can just give ourselves compassion.
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  Give ourself a little bit of grace because we're maybe going to try something new.
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  And then when we are aware, we can just stop the action that is harming us and
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  create space for something different.
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  And in that space, we can change the dialogue.
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  We can change how we talk to ourself, just slowly, small shifts.
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  And maybe it's not even how you talk to yourself.
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  Maybe the action is just even being able to look in the mirror
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  and just connect with yourself.
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  Just being able to look at yourself and not say anything at all.
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  Just look.
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  Just see the person that is there, the person in that moment just as they are.
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  And then eventually you might start to be able to say something kind.
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  Maybe you'll be able to place a hand on your heart
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  and connect physical touch with those supportive and loving words.
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  And then eventually maybe you can move to that place where you can start to offer
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  yourself words of kindness, of compassion.
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  Maybe you'll be able to support yourself with a hug.
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  And then eventually maybe you can move to that space that is the
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  simple but so powerful, "I love you."
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  The simple act of changing how we speak to ourselves really
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  truly can change your life.
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  I am the example of going from a place rooted deeply in shame and self-loathing
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  to one that is overflowing with love.
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  Once I got to this place where loving myself become a daily practice,
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  become just a part of my life, that capacity grew within me, and it
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  really did start to overflow my cup.
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  It made me want to show love in different ways, and it really
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  opened myself up to recognize that I am also worthy to receive love.
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  And I started to become more in flow with the world and the energy
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  that really comes from our heart.
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  There really is a giving and a receiving flow that happens in the world.
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  I want you to just hear and understand that I would not be in the place
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  that I am today if it wasn't for the giving and the receiving flow
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  that takes place in the world.
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  Over my journey, I've come across strangers who were just open and willing
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  to just hold space for me, allow me to release, allow me to unwrap those
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  limiting beliefs that had me so stuck in that world and in that very contracted
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  holding place of I am not enough, I am not worthy, and the shame loops that
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  I lived the majority of my life in.
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  People who started out as strangers become fundamental points of
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  impact on my life, very fundamental directional shifts for me.
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  They gave me the space for me to be me, to be able to recognize that
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  there were voices within me that were stronger than the beliefs and the
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  conditionings and the programmings that held me in that shame loop.
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  They opened me up and brought an awareness to different actions and tools that I
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  could utilize to help me move forward.
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  They gave me guidance, insights, and empowerment to keep going, to keep
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  taking the steps, to keep helping myself.
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  And that's why I'm bringing this conversation to you today, giving
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  you a tool that might help you to start to shift a limiting belief
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  for you, this tool of changing the way that we speak to ourselves.
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  It really is something small, but can be such a fundamental life shift.
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  And I just want you to recognize that if I can do it, you can do it.
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  And I'm here when you are ready
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  I want to leave you with a quote
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  Bruce Lee once said, "Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke.
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  Your body doesn't know the difference.
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  Words are energy, and they cast spells.
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  That's why it's called spelling.
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  Change the way you speak about yourself, and you change your life."
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  Thank you so much for being here with me.