Latest / Questionable Detour / Taking drugs and falling asleep at the wheel, selling people as a monthly subscription, and making ASMR

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Taking drugs and falling asleep at the wheel, selling people as a monthly subscription, and making ASMR · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:17
  We were coming in from out of town last weekend and there was a fire truck and
• 0:31
  probably four or five cop cars across the road. That's like a little boys dream right there.
• 0:35
  Yeah. Just to have the fire truck. If there was like a skid steer or a crane or something there, it would have been.
• 0:42
  A monster truck? Yeah, monster truck. We would have hit all of them.
• 0:45
  The garbage men were coming by while they were at the house.
• 0:48
  Instead we only got a couple legs of a law enforcement there. Not the garbage men, they weren't there.
• 0:55
  My favorite branch of law enforcement.
• 0:57
  People don't talk about like, and they're like firemen and you know EMTs, police officers, they're law enforcement, you're standard kind.
• 1:06
  And then you've got the Saturday worker law enforcement and they're like the garbage men.
• 1:10
  They're the real ones cleaning up the streets.
• 1:13
  Like cops, they'll say they're cleaning up the streets, but you're like you're trying to be somebody or not.
• 1:18
  Yeah. And let me tell anybody to answer that first call.
• 1:20
  Yeah. That's not hard.
• 1:22
  It's what you do when you get on the scene that matters.
• 1:25
  Could you imagine that you call it a garbage truck come in and somebody's like coating on the floor.
• 1:30
  They're just like, okay, we're just going to go to get the trash can though.
• 1:33
  Like that's. Y'all got a can in here is just the one in the other room.
• 1:36
  That guy is not in our scope of practice.
• 1:40
  Do you think they even like talk at all or they just have like the headphones in when they come in?
• 1:45
  You know how Jenner is always talking on the phone.
• 1:47
  Oh, they have a Bluetooth in your foreshort.
• 1:50
  And it's on speaker. The Bluetooth is on speaker.
• 1:53
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  They're just yelling into it.
• 1:56
  Yeah. So we pull up.
• 1:58
  They were out there.
• 2:00
  They were at the house of an old woman and we thought that the old woman had died.
• 2:06
  But it turns out it was somebody who was taking care of the old woman.
• 2:11
  The plot twist.
• 2:13
  Yeah.
• 2:14
  M Night Shyamalan film.
• 2:16
  Yeah. He was out there with the camera trying to get those getting those Dutch angles.
• 2:20
  You know, he was he was doing his work.
• 2:22
  It sounds quite literally like the meme called the ambulance, but not for me.
• 2:27
  But not. Yeah.
• 2:31
  So the caretaker was the one that died.
• 2:33
  Yeah. It was a it was an interesting twist.
• 2:35
  And they needed all of those first responders there to be on that call.
• 2:40
  They so a fire truck has to come.
• 2:43
  Oh, the enemy is there as well.
• 2:45
  They always call a fire truck when the ambulance shows up.
• 2:47
  I think that's why they mean you by they.
• 2:50
  I mean me because I'm a hobbyist dispatcher.
• 2:55
  Oh, you're the dispatcher.
• 2:58
  Okay. I thought maybe when you call 9-1-1, they're like 9-1-1.
• 3:01
  What is your emergency?
• 3:02
  You're like, just bring them all every single National Guard.
• 3:05
  No, people call 9-1-1.
• 3:07
  They say 9-1-1. What is your emergency?
• 3:09
  They tell them they're like, all right, hold please.
• 3:11
  They they patch them into me.
• 3:13
  Okay.
• 3:15
  What's going on?
• 3:17
  What y'all doing?
• 3:18
  And then I just I send whoever I feel like.
• 3:20
  Yeah.
• 3:21
  Sometimes it's door to ash, you know, you know, you never know who you're going to get.
• 3:25
  My mother is dying.
• 3:27
  I want some Wendy's.
• 3:29
  They ask you to pull up to the scene and you got there.
• 3:32
  No, they didn't.
• 3:33
  But like a good neighbor, I walked out to the road and asked the other neighbor that was out there.
• 3:38
  What was going on?
• 3:39
  Yeah, of course.
• 3:40
  So I was going to ask how quickly did you become an investigator and just kind of intrude on that scene and start investigating?
• 3:47
  I wish I could have say I had the opportunity, but immediately as I as I walked to the edge of my driveway, the other neighbor told me what was going on.
• 3:55
  Like she had actually done what you were hoping I did.
• 3:58
  She had already gone over there to the house, you know, scoped it out, wrote her report.
• 4:03
  She reported to me the chain of knowledge kind of started with her and went probably throughout the whole neighborhood.
• 4:09
  Are you guys suspecting any foul play?
• 4:11
  Yeah, that was going to be my next question too.
• 4:13
  We've got the, you know, the neighborhood watch got together.
• 4:17
  I don't think anybody's expecting foul play.
• 4:19
  We're thinking it was just.
• 4:21
  You thought it was fair play.
• 4:22
  You thought that thought it was fair play.
• 4:24
  You thought that the caretaker deserved it.
• 4:27
  It was fair play because she spent her day job as a carnival worker.
• 4:32
  Oh, okay.
• 4:33
  So that's where the fair came in.
• 4:35
  She wasn't a very good caretaker.
• 4:36
  She was never home.
• 4:37
  No, she was a traveling carney.
• 4:39
  She wasn't graded that job.
• 4:41
  At what point are you going to don some tights and a cape and be your neighborhood vigilante superhero?
• 4:47
  Because obviously there's some crime that's happening there that needs to be taken care of.
• 4:51
  I think when it warms up.
• 4:52
  It's too cold right now.
• 4:55
  It's too cold right now.
• 4:58
  My tights, if you will, are a pair of bike shorts.
• 5:03
  Oh, God.
• 5:04
  So a lot of leg and tight.
• 5:07
  But also there's a lot of there's a lot of leg showing and right now it's kind of just too cold for that.
• 5:13
  Do they call you daddy long leg?
• 5:15
  Is that your superhero name?
• 5:17
  Yes, it is.
• 5:19
  And when you walk, you take really big steps on your tippy toes.
• 5:23
  Yeah, you're walking is just sporadic and wild.
• 5:28
  Nobody gets the next step.
• 5:31
  Do you have your wife Katie like maybe with a flashlight in a very specific cutout emblem is like your signal that she just stands out in the front yard and waves it around.
• 5:42
  She's got a flashlight with a cutout symbol taped to it and the symbol is just a flashlight.
• 5:49
  That way when you look up, you go, oh, there's a flashlight being.
• 5:52
  We don't want it to be any confusion as to what's going on.
• 5:56
  Are you wearing just the bike shorts is there any top?
• 6:00
  Yeah, there's a top.
• 6:02
  What I've done is I've taken overalls and I've just kind of sewn the top portion into the bike shorts.
• 6:07
  You know, I'm a fashion forward guy.
• 6:09
  I mean, you'll definitely take on a challenge.
• 6:12
  Yeah.
• 6:13
  It's like, what's the cake?
• 6:14
  It's a shower curtain.
• 6:17
  The theme is just things around the house.
• 6:20
  I'm really loud. Yeah, really loud to.
• 6:23
  Yeah, when you were creating your costume, you were not going to go out.
• 6:27
  You're just you're not going to leave your house at all.
• 6:29
  Yeah, and I didn't want to.
• 6:30
  I didn't want to show up to a crime scene and be wearing the same thing somebody else is.
• 6:36
  Let me say you hit the nail on the head there.
• 6:39
  I don't think we have to worry about that now.
• 6:42
  Do you have one special gadget that you use like, you know, Batman has his assorted gadgets, but do you have like one special one that you use?
• 6:49
  It's kind of your signature gadget because right now in your the belt you wore just your superhero belt, which is weird.
• 6:57
  Did you forget to take that off?
• 6:58
  No, I forget.
• 6:59
  Okay, you just you're running around.
• 7:00
  Okay, because in your superhero belt, you just have a measuring compass like how you draw perfect circles.
• 7:08
  Yeah, yeah.
• 7:09
  I mean, it's very sharp, which is very cool, but a very weird gadget to be using.
• 7:14
  Well, you think it's weird.
• 7:15
  It's not, though.
• 7:16
  I when I show up to any any scene, I like to make a perfect circle around the evidence if the evidence is too big for that compass.
• 7:24
  Not a job for me.
• 7:26
  That's how you decide on if you're taking the job.
• 7:28
  That's how I decide.
• 7:32
  Oh, man, it's too bad you weren't there for the the death in your neighborhood recently.
• 7:36
  Dispatch didn't call you in.
• 7:38
  They didn't.
• 7:40
  You are the dispatch.
• 7:41
  You forgot to call yourself in.
• 7:42
  This is what happens when I go out of town, you know.
• 7:45
  Somebody else is handling this job.
• 7:47
  Crime doesn't take vacation.
• 7:49
  No, it doesn't.
• 7:50
  No, it doesn't.
• 7:51
  Oh, welcome to questionable detour.
• 7:53
  Let's do hypothetical.
• 7:55
  Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract purely hypothetical question?
• 7:59
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
• 8:03
  Well, that's a hypothetical question.
• 8:05
  So right now, if I were to ask you to to sell me a pen that I put in front of y'all, y'all would easily, right?
• 8:13
  Y'all would make me pay thousands of make me go into so much credit card debt for that pen because y'all are great salesman and because you have a terrible spending habit.
• 8:23
  Yeah, I don't understand credit.
• 8:26
  It seems like free money to me.
• 8:28
  I don't know.
• 8:29
  But the point is y'all are great salesman, right?
• 8:31
  Yeah.
• 8:32
  So I think it wouldn't be a leap to assume that y'all could be great car salesman.
• 8:37
  I'd say that you might be you might be leaping a bit.
• 8:40
  I think I think I'm going to contradict.
• 8:42
  I'm going to contradict Alan here and say that we would be great.
• 8:45
  All right.
• 8:46
  Well, we're going to talk about it because our hypothetical today is what are y'all like as car salesman?
• 8:51
  How are y'all finalizing the deal to put some poor family thousands of dollars in debt for a yeah, 1998 Honda Civic?
• 8:59
  What are y'all doing as a car salesman?
• 9:02
  Who's paying thousands for a 98 Honda Civic?
• 9:04
  I don't.
• 9:05
  You're listen.
• 9:06
  You're the one that made him pay.
• 9:07
  Yeah, we're the one that talked him into it.
• 9:09
  Yeah.
• 9:10
  What are y'all doing to disclose the deal as a car salesman?
• 9:14
  Well, it's about going that extra mile when it comes to being a good salesperson.
• 9:20
  Put on a clinic for him, Evan.
• 9:22
  Let's do it.
• 9:24
  What people see and what makes people want to buy from you is they see that you're doing everything that you can in your power to get them the best deal in this car and to fit them the best car for them.
• 9:36
  Sure.
• 9:37
  Absolutely.
• 9:38
  So, what you do that is instead of just talking them through the options,
• 9:42
  Communicating.
• 9:43
  Just sitting at a computer going over some spec sheets, you know, like, oh, I want heated seats.
• 9:51
  Yeah, sure.
• 9:52
  Whatever.
• 9:53
  Lame.
• 9:54
  Don't do that.
• 9:55
  Don't have standards.
• 9:56
  Yeah.
• 9:57
  And I don't want them to have to walk it through the lot.
• 9:59
  Like what if it's raining, you know, I don't want them to have to walk through the lot, look at the individual cars like, oh, this is what it looks like.
• 10:06
  I'm just going to bring the car to them and I want to give them all the options.
• 10:10
  Like I want them to see firsthand all the options.
• 10:13
  So I'll go out into the lot and I'll just start taking parts off a car.
• 10:18
  They say, what do that door handles look like?
• 10:20
  Well, I walk over to that Kia Sorento and I just rip the handle out of it.
• 10:26
  You just hook it.
• 10:29
  It's about brute force because we're going the extra mile here because you know that handle doesn't come off in one clean swipe.
• 10:35
  You're yanking on that thing.
• 10:37
  There's a lot of tugging going on.
• 10:39
  It's about going the extra mile.
• 10:41
  So I want to put my heart and soul and literal body behind it and on the line.
• 10:46
  So I'll bring that handle into them, lay it on the table, be like, this is what the handle looks like.
• 10:51
  They're like, I'm not going to buy that car.
• 10:53
  It no longer has door handles.
• 10:56
  Right.
• 10:57
  So I'm like, is there anything else you want to see?
• 10:59
  They're like, well, you said it had Apple CarPlay.
• 11:02
  Oh, yeah.
• 11:03
  Yeah.
• 11:04
  I'm like, I'm not going to go back out to the same.
• 11:06
  Maybe the same.
• 11:07
  Maybe the same.
• 11:08
  Maybe not.
• 11:09
  I walk out to the first car I see.
• 11:12
  And I just yank the entertainment center out of it.
• 11:16
  Yeah.
• 11:17
  You just the big screen.
• 11:18
  Just pull all the wires.
• 11:20
  Do you know if it has Apple CarPlay?
• 11:22
  You could get it wrong.
• 11:23
  I could.
• 11:24
  You might go through a few different cars.
• 11:26
  I mean, once I find one that works, though, they'll be so excited.
• 11:29
  Oh, absolutely.
• 11:30
  Because I bring that first one.
• 11:31
  I see it doesn't have Apple CarPlay and they're like, oh, I don't think this one has what you were saying.
• 11:35
  And I go through four or five different entertainment systems.
• 11:37
  Do you know how much work I'm putting into this?
• 11:39
  Yeah, they're going to see that you're committed.
• 11:40
  Yeah, exactly.
• 11:41
  You might be ignorant and not well informed, but you're a hard worker.
• 11:47
  Exactly.
• 11:48
  I may not be good at my job, but I work so hard.
• 11:52
  You work very hard.
• 11:53
  Yeah.
• 11:54
  You don't follow the old adage, work smart, not hard.
• 11:57
  No, no.
• 11:58
  You know, you finish the saying because you don't remember what the saying is.
• 12:04
  Just work hard.
• 12:06
  But yeah, I mean, that's kind of the gist of it is I bring the car to them.
• 12:10
  So by the end of the day, there may be a fully disassembled car just in the multiple different cars from multiple different cars.
• 12:17
  You could Frankenstein one car.
• 12:20
  I was going to ask that.
• 12:21
  Are you willing to Frankenstein that car together in front of them?
• 12:26
  If that's what they want to see because like I work hard.
• 12:28
  If I'm coming to you, I need a new car and I like the different aspects of multiple cars, but I don't like one single single car.
• 12:36
  You could you're fixing that for me.
• 12:39
  Yeah, well, I'll show you all the individual options and then once you agree to all those options, I'll just this is a long process.
• 12:46
  You're going you're going about it the same way that Johnny Cash did in that song one piece at a time.
• 12:52
  Yeah.
• 12:55
  You're just bringing different nuts and bolts, stringing it out over several years.
• 13:02
  So so you can do that for me.
• 13:04
  So you'll bring all the parts.
• 13:05
  You'll set it in the sales room.
• 13:07
  Yeah.
• 13:08
  I mean, will that make you see me as a hard worker as going the extra mile?
• 13:12
  I think it would.
• 13:13
  Do you want to sell the car?
• 13:14
  Do you want personal validation?
• 13:17
  The dealership's like, here's your paycheck.
• 13:19
  And Evan's like, nah, just compliment me.
• 13:22
  Kidding me, I get paid too.
• 13:24
  Just a right good boy.
• 13:27
  You want to be treated like a dog that brings back a bone?
• 13:30
  How do you put together the car?
• 13:32
  Because no, you use no tools to rip apart the car.
• 13:36
  I assume you are ignorant on what tools to put together the car.
• 13:39
  I mean, of course, everything's hand tight.
• 13:41
  Nothing's torqued down.
• 13:42
  Sure.
• 13:43
  So it rattles.
• 13:45
  It rattles a lot, but you get what you asked for.
• 13:50
  I didn't ask for it to be well put together.
• 13:53
  I just asked for the different aspects of cars.
• 13:56
  You asked for the options and I gave them to you and then I formed them into one
• 13:59
  monster of a vehicle.
• 14:01
  Because at the beginning of this, I'm like, wow, this is a very customizable
• 14:05
  vehicle.
• 14:06
  And by the end of it, it looks like a jalopy.
• 14:09
  It just looks, I don't know.
• 14:11
  There's like gorilla glue put in the side mirrors on.
• 14:15
  Probably some ratchet straps involved.
• 14:18
  A lot of duct tape.
• 14:19
  Sip ties.
• 14:21
  And you're like, all cells are final.
• 14:24
  Yeah.
• 14:25
  Don't bring it back here.
• 14:27
  And then you sign in blood.
• 14:29
  But then because you've just been yanking pure metal off of vehicles, you're like,
• 14:35
  you don't have to sign in your blood.
• 14:37
  You can sign in my blood because I am bleeding.
• 14:39
  Drop it all over.
• 14:42
  Do you imagine the insanity that you would look like as you come back into the dealership?
• 14:48
  Just you basically have run your hands to the bone and you're crying.
• 14:54
  You're crying and you're sweating.
• 14:57
  It's just my default state.
• 14:59
  You throw that final piston on the just a pile.
• 15:02
  You didn't organize it.
• 15:04
  It's just a pile and you're like done.
• 15:06
  You wanted this and I gave it to you.
• 15:08
  It's good.
• 15:09
  You put it together though.
• 15:10
  It just not give them a pile of parts to be like it's like a IKEA desk.
• 15:13
  Yeah.
• 15:14
  You make good money with this.
• 15:15
  I mean, the dealership hasn't fired you.
• 15:17
  So I think they just kind of let me back in almost out of pity.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  I assume you heard make a wish and you confuse it with make a car.
• 15:25
  Yeah.
• 15:26
  Well, I got the idea from Bill DeBear and so I let them like record a message and put
• 15:31
  it in the car.
• 15:32
  You know, so every time they like squeeze the car or you know, press a button in the car,
• 15:36
  squeeze the car.
• 15:37
  They're hugging the car.
• 15:39
  I mean, it's so customized to them.
• 15:41
  They love it.
• 15:42
  So they hug it every now and then and it plays a little message like there's a bomb.
• 15:46
  The devil is coming for your soul or something cute like that.
• 15:51
  You record it personally.
• 15:52
  Yeah.
• 15:53
  Okay.
• 15:54
  Let's go make a wish is doing good things for people.
• 15:57
  When you got your diagnosis for cancer, did you think it was doctors at Carcer?
• 16:01
  Can car.
• 16:02
  Can car.
• 16:03
  And you're like, thanks, doctor.
• 16:05
  That's exactly what I'm going to do.
• 16:07
  You can car.
• 16:09
  All right.
• 16:10
  If we're going to boil it down, work hard.
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:13
  You're going to bring everything to the customer and you're going to make sales.
• 16:16
  Exactly.
• 16:17
  Yeah.
• 16:18
  It's all about working hard and playing harder.
• 16:20
  Just a goofy boy.
• 16:22
  Just a goofy boy.
• 16:24
  Yeah.
• 16:25
  That's good.
• 16:26
  That's good.
• 16:27
  Follow in Evan's footsteps.
• 16:28
  Work hard.
• 16:29
  Not smart and just bleed and cry.
• 16:32
  I think was the end result of that.
• 16:35
  When in doubt, bleed it out.
• 16:39
  All right, Alan.
• 16:40
  You're over here wearing a tight polo shirt and some slacks.
• 16:44
  Maybe cargo slacks.
• 16:45
  Maybe not.
• 16:46
  But a body type that shouldn't be wearing a shirt that tight.
• 16:49
  You look like a mushroom.
• 16:50
  Yeah.
• 16:51
  Thin little legs.
• 16:52
  Sweating them out in the parking lot.
• 16:54
  Like right as they enter the parking lot.
• 16:56
  Heavy breathing.
• 16:57
  Got a shape.
• 16:58
  Got a new port between my fingers.
• 17:02
  Lace-less dress-loos.
• 17:04
  Clacklin up to them.
• 17:05
  How are you as the car salesman?
• 17:07
  Well, I think the best way to sell somebody something is to give them the most affordable
• 17:12
  choice.
• 17:13
  Okay.
• 17:14
  I think a customer is really going to respond well to a deal.
• 17:18
  They might even buy whatever is on sale at a lesser quality just because they get a deal.
• 17:24
  They've been money.
• 17:25
  So that's kind of what I'm going to do.
• 17:27
  I'm going to build them cheaper car.
• 17:29
  Absolutely.
• 17:30
  Kind of starting it off.
• 17:31
  We'll just take two bikes.
• 17:32
  They've got to give them one car.
• 17:36
  Well, you're kind of building the car.
• 17:38
  Okay.
• 17:39
  Similar to how Evan was doing that, I'm just going to make it cheaper for them.
• 17:43
  We're sticking two bikes together.
• 17:44
  You've got a couple of rods connecting the bikes.
• 17:48
  Series of wheelbarrows in between the bikes as additional seating.
• 17:55
  This car only works downhill.
• 17:57
  Only works downhill.
• 17:58
  A lot of wheels.
• 17:59
  If you need to go uphill, you're just kind of screwed.
• 18:03
  Technically, this is an 18-wheeler.
• 18:06
  But so you get the name of the 18-wheeler, but without the cost behind it.
• 18:11
  There you go.
• 18:12
  Or the power.
• 18:13
  What a selling point.
• 18:14
  Or the power.
• 18:15
  Or the payload.
• 18:16
  Yeah.
• 18:17
  And see, really, initially, where we're seeing a lot of savings, a lot of cost savings,
• 18:21
  is going to be there's no motor.
• 18:25
  There's no engine at all.
• 18:26
  Now, let me ask you this.
• 18:28
  Can I get a package of maybe Puerto Rican men that will pedal the bikes for me?
• 18:33
  Yeah, you can.
• 18:34
  Maybe Juan Pablo?
• 18:36
  Yeah, yeah.
• 18:37
  Juan Pablo, he can come for an additional payment.
• 18:42
  Now, he's sort of on a rental basis.
• 18:45
  Oh, it's a monthly payment then.
• 18:46
  Yeah.
• 18:47
  Like a subscription to Juan Pablo.
• 18:49
  Yeah.
• 18:50
  You're paying for Juan Pablo the same way you're paying for Netflix.
• 18:54
  You don't feel like doing anything tonight?
• 18:57
  Turn on Juan Pablo.
• 18:58
  Let him drive you around.
• 18:59
  No, your night is a book when you turn on Juan Pablo.
• 19:14
  He releases three specials a month, too.
• 19:19
  All those specials.
• 19:20
  Man, you get a lot of bang for your buck when you subscribe to Juan Pablo.
• 19:26
  Oh, gosh.
• 19:28
  We don't really mean like that.
• 19:32
  Oh, that's good, though.
• 19:36
  So I come in and I'm like, man, I need a hello.
• 19:40
  I read your name tag very close.
• 19:41
  I don't have a good eyesight.
• 19:43
  Really get right up to your chest.
• 19:44
  I'm like, hello, Alan, I am looking for a affordable Ford Fiesta.
• 19:50
  Let me stop you right there.
• 19:51
  Okay.
• 19:52
  Okay.
• 19:53
  I didn't really get started, but sure.
• 19:54
  You've said everything that I need to hear.
• 19:56
  My name, you're addressing me personally.
• 19:58
  I know that you've honed in on me.
• 20:01
  You want cost effective vehicle.
• 20:03
  Not very cool.
• 20:04
  Not very cool.
• 20:06
  But you use a foreign word that means party.
• 20:12
  So throwing all that into the metaphorical blender here.
• 20:16
  I can't hear you over the blender, though.
• 20:18
  The blender is loud.
• 20:20
  The blender is very loud.
• 20:23
  You're just talking to him while using a blender?
• 20:25
  Yeah.
• 20:26
  Okay.
• 20:27
  So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you that car I described earlier, but it's
• 20:32
  going to be decorated out as a pinata.
• 20:34
  Oh, fun.
• 20:36
  So instead of that really expensive metal, we're going to do...
• 20:39
  Oh, you're taking away the metal completely.
• 20:41
  Well, yeah.
• 20:42
  It's just paper mache around the body of a chassis of a car.
• 20:46
  Paper mache around the bikes, you know.
• 20:48
  Still bikes?
• 20:49
  Still bikes.
• 20:50
  Oh, yeah.
• 20:51
  How do you think I'm able to give these great deals?
• 20:55
  Okay.
• 20:56
  So you're just saying with a bike and just paper mache around it.
• 21:00
  Yeah.
• 21:01
  Okay.
• 21:02
  And you know, when you mentioned that word fiesta, that really made me think, I've got
• 21:06
  to do something special for these guys.
• 21:08
  So I make a paper mache vehicle centered on top of those bikes.
• 21:12
  I just fill that bad boy with candy.
• 21:15
  Is there a bottom to it or is it just kind of falling out while you drive off?
• 21:19
  The bottom is kind of those wheelbarrows.
• 21:21
  Oh, okay.
• 21:22
  Yeah, yeah.
• 21:23
  So that's kind of what we're working with.
• 21:24
  Some of the candy has fallen to the ground.
• 21:26
  Yeah.
• 21:27
  But just imagine when you get in a wreck.
• 21:29
  People think they want an award.
• 21:35
  They're going to pop streamers are going to come out and your dead lifeless body is just
• 21:42
  down there because you got hit in paper mache by a full half ton vehicle.
• 21:49
  Like a murder from candy land.
• 21:53
  And okay, well, let's say as the buyer, I will agree to these adjustments to my Ford
• 22:01
  fiesta.
• 22:02
  Do I have to like maybe like secretly tell you I want the hooker deal of one Pablo?
• 22:07
  Is that what one Pablo is?
• 22:09
  I could.
• 22:10
  He's not a he's not a hooker.
• 22:12
  What he is is he's an efficient driver.
• 22:15
  Efficient in what way?
• 22:16
  Efficient.
• 22:17
  He has a condition.
• 22:20
  Efficient in that you don't you don't have to drive.
• 22:23
  He'll drive for you.
• 22:24
  Okay.
• 22:25
  Okay.
• 22:26
  And if I just want that package, there's not like a secret code I have to do because
• 22:28
  it's probably illegal that you're hiring a hooker.
• 22:31
  Well, so you will need to do a little something.
• 22:34
  He's not a hooker.
• 22:36
  I can't stress that enough.
• 22:38
  He's not he's not here legally.
• 22:40
  Oh, I see.
• 22:41
  Okay.
• 22:42
  He scampered up here and you made him sell his body so he could live in your your cartilagship.
• 22:49
  I provided an immigrant with an opportunity.
• 22:54
  And what he's doing though is he's kind of hiding in a filing cabinet.
• 22:58
  Okay.
• 22:59
  And if you want the one Pablo deal, you have to yeah, you have to go over there, lean on
• 23:05
  the filing cabinet and start knocking on it and the such secret code knocking the secret
• 23:13
  code you you knock to the base riff from Seinfeld.
• 23:16
  Oh, no.
• 23:17
  That's actually pretty difficult.
• 23:19
  Yeah.
• 23:20
  Yeah.
• 23:21
  And if you know how to do it, that means okay, well, does he open like a little flat in
• 23:25
  the filing cabinet like it's an underground club?
• 23:27
  Yeah, he's like password please.
• 23:29
  He says it like that.
• 23:30
  He's very good English.
• 23:31
  Okay.
• 23:32
  Oh, and he like he's he's by the way.
• 23:34
  And he like he's he's bilingual.
• 23:36
  So I mean like that's that's a pretty cool feature.
• 23:38
  It's not the only buy is apparently bilingual and you know, by he's boy he's bi weekly.
• 23:45
  Wait, you I would subscribe to this one Pablo subscription.
• 23:50
  He only works.
• 23:51
  You pay bi weekly.
• 23:52
  Oh, okay.
• 23:53
  Yeah.
• 23:54
  Okay.
• 23:55
  I see that's that's difficult.
• 23:56
  Most people are on a monthly subscription and they tend to forget about subscription.
• 24:00
  Sometimes we want you to be constantly thinking about the money that you're spending.
• 24:04
  That makes total sense financially.
• 24:07
  Evan, would you go and buy a car from what was your car place?
• 24:10
  Um, something something brothel right?
• 24:15
  That's good.
• 24:16
  I think really the way when you boil it down to your selling style, it's think of the think
• 24:23
  of your clients wallet.
• 24:25
  Think of that they they're human beings, they they have bills to pay undercut other dealerships.
• 24:31
  Your money is going to go further.
• 24:34
  Yeah, yeah.
• 24:35
  No, I was just going to say not only does he think of their wallets, but he thinks of
• 24:40
  their sexual desires as well.
• 24:41
  I mean, he really just is a well rounded salesman.
• 24:45
  I mean, just where else can you buy a car to hook her other than Alan's red like district.
• 24:54
  He's an Alan said this multiple times.
• 24:57
  He's not a hooker.
• 24:58
  He's a hook him.
• 24:59
  Oh yeah.
• 25:00
  Because Alan discriminates against women.
• 25:04
  Correct.
• 25:05
  I would.
• 25:06
  I would never hire a woman.
• 25:09
  I would never sell a woman's body.
• 25:12
  Even secretaries are men at my job.
• 25:15
  Oh wow.
• 25:16
  So that's great.
• 25:17
  That's really a great model for being a salesman.
• 25:20
  I hope people have taken notes.
• 25:22
  Alan's point was think of be careful your clientele, you know, think of their wallets.
• 25:28
  Think of them as humans that have so many, so many desires.
• 25:34
  And here's what I would do.
• 25:36
  I can't wait to hear what lesson you teach us.
• 25:39
  Yeah.
• 25:40
  Here's what I do as a person in the 21st century as a young person in 21st century.
• 25:45
  I'm all about technology keeping up with the times and the automobile market has also
• 25:51
  kept up with the time.
• 25:52
  So you have cars that will drive without you even touching the wheel without you touching
• 25:57
  the gas.
• 25:58
  They'll drive themselves.
• 25:59
  But not all cars will do that.
• 26:01
  It's really just the newer models, the very expensive cars.
• 26:04
  And you know, I want to give that feature to everyone that buys a vehicle.
• 26:10
  So when you come into my dealership, when you ask for a 1993 Nissan Altima and you ask,
• 26:16
  does this have, and you asked if this vehicle has self driving capabilities.
• 26:21
  I'm going to look at you straight because it's from 1993.
• 26:24
  I'm going to say no, but here's the thing.
• 26:27
  Here's the thing about my dealership.
• 26:28
  I'm going to implement it for you.
• 26:29
  I'm going to take you out on a test drive.
• 26:31
  I'm going to fall asleep at the wheel.
• 26:35
  And I'm going to show you that this car is capable of driving itself.
• 26:40
  It's not going to drive it far.
• 26:42
  It's very, it's very dependent on how straight the road is.
• 26:49
  Do you have narcolepsy?
• 26:52
  How do you, how do you immediately go to go to sleep?
• 26:58
  Also depends on your wheel alignment.
• 27:00
  Depends on the wheel, which is not good for a 1993 Nissan Altima.
• 27:04
  No, I don't have narcolepsy here.
• 27:06
  I will take heavy dosages of sleeping pills right before we get on the road.
• 27:11
  That's a good idea.
• 27:12
  And I will take it right in front of these people.
• 27:15
  Like I just a handful of pills just in the front seat of that car is as this couple,
• 27:21
  poor couple, they're buying a 1993 Altima.
• 27:24
  I'll take a handful of pills and just down them dry and I'm with water.
• 27:29
  Do you ever offer the people that are riding with you another type of pills to keep them
• 27:36
  really awake while you drive?
• 27:39
  Yeah, I for them the street drug speed.
• 27:43
  So even when they're just barreling through the air, what's this bad boy tanks it into a bank?
• 27:52
  They have their force to be awake.
• 27:54
  Their body won't send them in the shot.
• 27:56
  There are on so much speed that they are almost moving in their mind in slow motion
• 28:01
  because their brains are taking in so much information so quickly that they are moving in slow motion.
• 28:07
  But they see me just flapping around the car.
• 28:11
  I put the seatbelt on so I'm sticking to the same seat.
• 28:14
  I look like a wacky inflatable two men just arms in the air as I'm bouncing around the car.
• 28:19
  Yeah, long answer.
• 28:21
  A short is yes.
• 28:22
  I give them uppers to my downers.
• 28:25
  I don't want them fall asleep.
• 28:26
  I want them to see the capability of this car has.
• 28:29
  Sure, it might not have the self driving capabilities of a 2024 Tesla.
• 28:34
  I drive you at a variable distance, depending on a few different factors so much so that you can go to sleep in the vehicle.
• 28:42
  And I mean at that point, that's what they should expect from a 1993, you know, the technology and it is old.
• 28:48
  I expect them to have realistic expectations.
• 28:51
  So I guess let me ask the question.
• 28:52
  So you pop the pills pills to sleep the girl.
• 28:55
  Yeah, the drive.
• 28:56
  I'm not sure what pills it are.
• 28:58
  They don't slide down your throat.
• 29:00
  They kind of forcefully just like shove themselves down your throat.
• 29:03
  Like a cat.
• 29:04
  Hack it up a hairball.
• 29:05
  He's got a he's got to take a bite out of a burger and swallow that afterwards just to get him down.
• 29:10
  Just a chaser, a solid chaser.
• 29:13
  Okay, but then once you get in the car and you're kind of going down the because it takes a couple minutes for the pills to kick in kind of like three minutes in.
• 29:20
  You're kind of just like looking around the car and you're like, all right, you're ready and even it now.
• 29:25
  Yeah, set it up.
• 29:26
  Yeah.
• 29:27
  And like, I'm timing it well.
• 29:28
  So like I'm starting my head starting to bob, you know, up and down and I'm like, all right, guys, I'm about to engage the self driving.
• 29:36
  And as I'm falling asleep, I'm just going to accidentally hit the windshield wiper button and pretend that's the self driving component.
• 29:44
  And then I'm just going to pass out.
• 29:46
  I'm just going to fall fall over slump over the windshield wipers are going full speed.
• 29:51
  It's not raining again.
• 29:54
  Just dry.
• 29:56
  Everything is dry as opposed to Alan's dealership with everything is wet.
• 30:02
  Mine is dry.
• 30:04
  A lot less sexy than ours.
• 30:09
  Yeah, mine wasn't built around sex.
• 30:11
  Mine was built around function and those windshield wipers are going full blast.
• 30:16
  I'm passed out in the car.
• 30:18
  The client screaming radio turned up super loud though.
• 30:22
  It's was playing.
• 30:24
  Yeah, what's on the dial tiny Tim's tiptoe through the tulips.
• 30:28
  Okay.
• 30:29
  Yeah, a little creepy.
• 30:31
  Just crazy loud.
• 30:33
  You have the tiptoe through the tulip song play.
• 30:37
  I'm slumped over like I just got sniped.
• 30:42
  You're like JFK.
• 30:48
  They're hopped up on the best street drug uppers that you can find.
• 30:56
  They're white and knuckling anything they can grab onto.
• 30:59
  As I hit that embankment and look like Evil Caneville hitting a flip.
• 31:04
  Just the sound of metal crunching in the background is in the tulips plays.
• 31:09
  Glass shattering and metal crushing.
• 31:13
  Do you ever use anything to strap your foot to the gas pedal?
• 31:17
  Just to make sure because you know your lip body, your foot may slide off the gas.
• 31:22
  It might not give them the full experience.
• 31:24
  You don't want to take that chance.
• 31:26
  You got one shot at this.
• 31:29
  What shot to get this right?
• 31:32
  So do they.
• 31:34
  You want to make sure you hit full speed, which is for a 1993 Altima.
• 31:39
  It's like, you know, 75 miles an hour.
• 31:41
  But yeah, I just I have my y'all remember your remember Steve the slinky man from a few episodes ago.
• 31:47
  He's up under the table. It's hard to forget.
• 31:49
  It's hard to forget.
• 31:50
  He's in the car too.
• 31:52
  My foot is budget courted to the gas pedal.
• 31:55
  He's he's the only one out on drugs coincidentally pushing my knee down my right knee down.
• 32:01
  I don't buy that one minute.
• 32:04
  He's plaster drunk.
• 32:08
  But he's pepper in the break every now and then to just to kind of give it like a little bit of different feel to it.
• 32:14
  It's really up to state. He's the artist, you know, it's either one yank in the wheel.
• 32:18
  Yeah, he's the self driver.
• 32:21
  Yeah, he's pushing my pushing my leg down my knee down on the gas pedal kind of hitting the brakes kind of turning the wheel.
• 32:30
  And what at some point, you know, maybe it's the test drive goes too well.
• 32:34
  Self driving goes too well.
• 32:36
  That's possible. It stays straight. It stays on course.
• 32:39
  Steve, the slinky man will abort mission.
• 32:42
  Yank that wheel as hard as he can one direction.
• 32:45
  So that car just starts flipping down this long stretch of highway.
• 32:50
  I was going to say how does it end but in a fiery way.
• 32:53
  Yeah, it's kind of, you know, self explanatory, I think.
• 32:57
  So assuming you and at least one of the passengers survives, do they still buy the car?
• 33:02
  Well, usually they're in a comatose vegetable state. I just steal the credit card and go to buy the car for him.
• 33:07
  Okay. So the purchase still goes through.
• 33:10
  No further questions.
• 33:13
  Okay.
• 33:15
  But I guess if you, you know, we've been boiling it down to the foundational elements of how to be a good salesman here.
• 33:22
  And I think mine would be keep up with technology.
• 33:26
  So you're, you're informed about where technology is moving, where it's going in the world.
• 33:32
  So you can make the best sell to the modern client.
• 33:35
  I think, I think if people took notes about how to be a better salesman, I think they would outsell anybody.
• 33:41
  I'm sure our listeners are taking notes.
• 33:43
  I like to think that from the time that we start, the time that we hang it up each episode, they've got just legal pads.
• 33:50
  Oh, I'm sure they're legal.
• 33:52
  Lawyers are writing down the stuff we're legally liable for.
• 33:57
  So, you know, you are welcome out there who for the people that are trying to be a better salesman, stop listening to those financial podcasts.
• 34:05
  Yeah.
• 34:06
  You know, those tech, those tech and financial bros giving you all these ways to make millions of dollars.
• 34:12
  Don't listen to us.
• 34:13
  We gave you three great foundational elements to make money.
• 34:17
  So use those instead.
• 34:18
  Hang up your sales books.
• 34:19
  You hang up books normally?
• 34:21
  On a hook.
• 34:22
  Hook them through the spine.
• 34:24
  Stab them on the wall with a buoy knife.
• 34:29
  Picture them as as nun chucks just with books on each end instead of sticks.
• 34:34
  Hang them up.
• 34:35
  A taxidermy in my books.
• 34:37
  Taxidermy.
• 34:39
  Taxidermy.
• 34:40
  You do them like when people stuff a duck, you know, it's open and flying.
• 34:46
  All right, as we leave a segment where we give pointers to people making money, we're going to enter into a new segment where we are.
• 34:54
  We get vulnerable.
• 34:55
  We get so.
• 34:56
  Alan right now looks like an anime character with little rosy cheeks.
• 35:00
  Just kind of just looking all innocent.
• 35:03
  You look vulnerable.
• 35:05
  I'm shivering and I've got an internal monologue happening.
• 35:08
  Big teary eyes.
• 35:09
  Watery.
• 35:10
  Yeah, watery eyes.
• 35:12
  Just so.
• 35:13
  Just he just looks so vulnerable.
• 35:15
  So we're going to take a page out of Alan's playbook and we're going to be vulnerable for y'all.
• 35:20
  We're going to tell y'all some some of the deepest secrets that we have.
• 35:23
  So deep.
• 35:24
  So let's let's get vulnerable as just three adult males in a room together.
• 35:30
  Let's get so deep.
• 35:54
  My sudden secret is I don't ever trust a chair.
• 35:58
  I never fully sit in it.
• 36:00
  I just kind of hover over it.
• 36:02
  You really thought strong thighs.
• 36:04
  Yeah.
• 36:06
  Do you think chairs are like like the reason JFK got assassinated?
• 36:10
  How far does your distrust go?
• 36:12
  Yeah, so like how is it to or is it all I'm saying is JFK was sitting down when he was shot.
• 36:20
  Oh, this is interesting.
• 36:21
  What about 9 11?
• 36:22
  Where's your distrust and chairs go that way?
• 36:25
  I think Bush was sitting down when he got the call or got the message.
• 36:30
  Yeah, gave the order to him.
• 36:32
  Wow.
• 36:33
  This this ironically this whole thing has some legs just like chairs.
• 36:37
  It all comes back to get it all comes back together.
• 36:39
  Let's get let's get a court board with a bunch of yarn and connect everything back to chairs.
• 36:46
  My sudden secret is I am afraid of what's in my pockets like at all times at all times.
• 36:52
  I will never put my hands in my pockets because there could be crabs in there.
• 36:56
  Do you put things in your pocket?
• 36:57
  I put things in there.
• 36:58
  Okay, do you put crabs in there?
• 37:01
  I kind of outed myself there.
• 37:04
  I do.
• 37:05
  Crabs are in there.
• 37:06
  That's why you have a very realistic fear.
• 37:10
  You know for a fact this crab.
• 37:12
  The reason I'm afraid of but put my hands in my pockets because I've been putting very dangerous things in my pockets like arsenic.
• 37:21
  I'm afraid to put the pin like almost all the way down.
• 37:24
  Yeah, I know that now that you say that you need to reevaluate some things.
• 37:30
  I don't take anything out so my pockets are very stuffed.
• 37:33
  I look like Squidward when he was eating all those crabby patties just very just bulbous legs.
• 37:39
  My sudden secret is I always add a little bit of gasoline to everything I drink because I think it makes me go faster.
• 37:49
  It's had the opposite effect.
• 37:51
  Your internal organs are shutting down.
• 37:58
  My sudden secret is I never really got the whole object permanence thing.
• 38:05
  So soon as someone closes the door, I forget what's behind it.
• 38:08
  Yeah, someone walks out the door.
• 38:10
  I forgot they were over here.
• 38:11
  Yeah, every time you blink an eye, you do go where are where'd you go?
• 38:14
  Yeah, where'd you go?
• 38:15
  Where'd you go?
• 38:16
  Where'd you go?
• 38:17
  You have to cut that out of the podcast.
• 38:21
  Yeah, I have to edit out the fact that every time you blink, you say that.
• 38:26
  You get confused.
• 38:27
  It takes a lot to edit it.
• 38:29
  Me and Alan have gotten to the point where we have just taken tape and just have taped your eyelids open.
• 38:35
  So you realize that we are always here.
• 38:37
  And it's why you're always facing us because the moment you turn around, you think you're alone.
• 38:41
  I forget I'm even on a podcast.
• 38:43
  My sudden secret is I wish they had just gone ahead and made World War Three instead of spinning off into Vietnam.
• 38:53
  They're always trying to over explain narratives.
• 38:56
  Yeah, at least side plots.
• 38:58
  All the side plots, you can't follow them.
• 39:00
  I think the second iteration of the World War was better than the first, to be honest.
• 39:04
  It's one of those instances where the sequel was better than the original.
• 39:07
  It's talked about way more too.
• 39:09
  How to better villain.
• 39:17
  My sudden secret is in the fourth grade, I used to kiss my dog on the lips for practice.
• 39:23
  God, that actually might be a secret.
• 39:25
  It might be a thing.
• 39:28
  You know how something sounds so specific?
• 39:30
  It sounds probably true.
• 39:32
  Like, I didn't realize this podcast is a little ludicrous.
• 39:36
  That wasn't a realm of possibility.
• 39:38
  Listen to their man.
• 39:41
  We are so vulnerable today.
• 39:43
  Pat yourselves on the back.
• 39:45
  Some more than others.
• 39:47
  Some more than others, you know, but listen, there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable.
• 39:53
  You can be men, menly and masculine and be vulnerable.
• 39:57
  And that's I think that's what we we discovered here today about ourselves.
• 40:01
  Yeah, I think you'll need to share a little bit more about like your past lives and the pets.
• 40:05
  Well, just like if y'all did anything weird.
• 40:09
  What do you mean?
• 40:13
  Just like I feel like you're holding back.
• 40:16
  Because I said a thing that wasn't really holding back and then y'all held back.
• 40:21
  No, I think we were vulnerable enough.
• 40:24
  Our goal is not to top you.
• 40:26
  It to incriminate ourselves, I think.
• 40:29
  Or that.
• 40:30
  Alright, well, next time we do this segment, I expect more from you guys.
• 40:34
  The point is we're vulnerable and don't feel better for being vulnerable.
• 40:37
  I do.
• 40:38
  Yeah, I don't like the way you'll handle the last one.
• 40:40
  Yeah, okay.
• 40:41
  For me, just talk about this in our next therapy session.
• 40:45
  Okay, okay.
• 40:47
  So we are introducing a second new segment.
• 40:50
  Man, give us a round of applause.
• 40:52
  Two new segments today, but this segment is our ASMR segment.
• 40:56
  You know, ASMR has been such a big thing in pop culture and it's gets millions of views on Twitch and YouTube.
• 41:03
  And we want a piece of that.
• 41:05
  You know, we want to be a part of that.
• 41:07
  So let's jump into some ASMR.
• 41:38
  Here's how this QD ASMR segments go into work.
• 41:46
  Each of us are going to give various noises and sounds from persons, places or things.
• 41:52
  They're going to be specific.
• 41:53
  They're going to be accurate.
• 41:55
  And the other two are going to guess what that sound is.
• 41:59
  Alright, so here's my noise.
• 42:01
  Sounds like trying to cold start a crown Vic.
• 42:11
  Yeah, the batteries that stuff.
• 42:17
  I want to say it's a man dancing in high heels.
• 42:22
  Both great answers.
• 42:25
  It was actually a Department of Defense employee typing out a draft letter on a typewriter.
• 42:35
  We don't even have a draft, you know.
• 42:38
  Alright, here's my noise.
• 42:46
  Is that a depressed cow telling somebody that their loved one died?
• 42:54
  Is that Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh on his happiest day ever?
• 43:00
  Both very good answers.
• 43:02
  It is a cow whose mother just got diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and she is now bedridden.
• 43:14
  That told a story.
• 43:18
  Alright, here is my sound.
• 43:33
  Is that a chicken who was going around picking up things off the ground to eat and accidentally came across some arsenic and started to choke and foam at the mouth?
• 43:44
  Is that a chicken who was walking down the road having a great day and then all of a sudden he saw a school bus fire?
• 43:56
  How was he making that noise?
• 43:58
  He was jumping into action.
• 44:01
  Alarmed that he saw that.
• 44:03
  No, that was a chicken.
• 44:06
  Moving down a dark alley where a mugger popped out, stuffed him with a dog's squeak toy and started mugging him.
• 44:15
  That's good.
• 44:17
  I was right there.
• 44:19
  You got the chicken bar.
• 44:21
  Here's my noise.
• 44:37
  Wow, that was a loud noise.
• 44:39
  Told a story.
• 44:41
  Oh, I got it.
• 44:42
  Okay, so I have to remember that sound.
• 44:44
  You should have been visualizing it as it happened.
• 44:46
  Sure, sure.
• 44:47
  That's on you.
• 44:48
  So, he's just being shaken. So, here's my guess. It is a cowboy who got his horse drowned in the river crossing.
• 44:54
  So, he's riding a bovine.
• 44:56
  He...
• 44:57
  Spurs or jangling.
• 44:58
  Spurs or jangling.
• 45:00
  The winds rustling.
• 45:02
  The cow, he's a fat cowboy.
• 45:04
  So, the cow's really just working.
• 45:06
  He just got a gift.
• 45:07
  So, he's shaking the gift around to maybe see, you know how you do it.
• 45:10
  You shake a gift around and maybe to see what's in it.
• 45:12
  And then a biplane flew right above him.
• 45:15
  That's in depth.
• 45:16
  So was the sound.
• 45:17
  I'm magic your energy.
• 45:20
  I think that that sounds like a school janitor with his keys jingling at his side trying to crank a push lawn mower.
• 45:29
  Very short, very specific.
• 45:32
  Years was closer than sex.
• 45:34
  It was a Saturday worker trying to cold crank his Chrysler Town in country in Virginia in the middle of winter.
• 45:42
  And he had Cheeto dust on his fingers.
• 45:44
  So, the keys kept slipping.
• 45:46
  How did I not hear that was in Virginia?
• 45:48
  Yeah.
• 45:49
  I should have heard that was in Virginia based off the sounds you made.
• 45:52
  Yeah, yeah.
• 45:53
  Cheeto dust on his fingers?
• 45:54
  So, it's slipping a lot.
• 45:55
  Cheetos for breakfast probably.
• 45:57
  Nobody trying to crank it.
• 45:59
  It's healthy.
• 46:00
  It's a Saturday worker.
• 46:02
  He had a NOS energy drink and a bag of Cheetos.
• 46:06
  All right.
• 46:07
  I got a noise for you.
• 46:09
  Boing, boing, boing.
• 46:13
  Oh, that was it.
• 46:14
  Okay, that was it.
• 46:16
  Lots of boings.
• 46:17
  Okay.
• 46:18
  Was that a spring mechanic that just lost his job and he's angrily throwing the products around the store?
• 46:26
  He did not get fired well.
• 46:29
  He didn't take it well, yeah.
• 46:30
  He did poorly.
• 46:32
  Was that a kangaroo on a pogo stick learning how to pogo stick because he wanted to get higher than everyone else?
• 46:39
  So, Evan was actually closer when he really nailed the pogo stick.
• 46:43
  Okay.
• 46:44
  That was actually a serial killer who rides a pogo stick to his murders.
• 46:49
  Oh, yes.
• 46:50
  Very cartoon pogo.
• 46:51
  Yeah.
• 46:52
  He's like, he's your Saturday morning serial killer.
• 46:56
  All right.
• 46:59
  Here's my noise.
• 47:01
  Click, clench.
• 47:03
  What?
• 47:05
  Can we go from that?
• 47:08
  Let me try that again.
• 47:10
  Let me try that again.
• 47:11
  Click.
• 47:13
  Okay.
• 47:15
  Okay.
• 47:17
  It explains it was that you descending in an elevator.
• 47:25
  The elevator opens and there are a group of people with machine guns and they just shot at you.
• 47:32
  Very good.
• 47:33
  Sounds very cool.
• 47:34
  Reaction movie.
• 47:36
  Was that your recreation of the assassination of Osama bin Laden?
• 47:44
  Oh, very good guesses.
• 47:46
  No, that was Evan's previous arrest when he's getting his picture taken, his mug shot taken and he escapes violently.
• 47:55
  Okay.
• 47:57
  You're wanted.
• 47:59
  I keep forgetting all the noises that happened there.
• 48:04
  Okay.
• 48:06
  No, no, no, no, no.
• 48:08
  I got I got here.
• 48:10
  I got nice for you.
• 48:12
  Okay.
• 48:14
  Is that noise a rotund Middle Eastern person getting whipped?
• 48:21
  Discipline?
• 48:23
  It has like a sheet of metal armor on.
• 48:26
  I just want sounds like what I would imagine a fat Middle Eastern person would sound like if they got whacked.
• 48:33
  Was that a homemade bell that you made out of a cast iron skillet?
• 48:38
  Yeah.
• 48:41
  I want to say you all are close, but you're really not.
• 48:44
  That is an offshore vessel that has been poorly painted black and white and an orca has mistaken it for a partner and is now humping the side of it.
• 48:59
  Wow.
• 49:00
  Very specific that you know that noise.
• 49:03
  It was a long night.
• 49:06
  All right.
• 49:07
  Here's my noise.
• 49:15
  Who is there?
• 49:17
  Oh.
• 49:19
  What?
• 49:25
  Is that okay?
• 49:26
  Hear me out here.
• 49:27
  Hear me out here.
• 49:28
  What is that?
• 49:30
  An old redneck cracking open a cold one at night.
• 49:33
  Steps outside.
• 49:35
  Sees, let's call it a curvy snake.
• 49:39
  At first he's scared because it's a snake, but then he sees how curvy he is and he's like, huh?
• 49:46
  He's got a snake thick.
• 49:51
  That sounds to me like your standard home invasion, but then you realize how into violence you are and you think, hey, this could be kind of cool and then it doesn't end well for you because you're dead.
• 50:02
  That actually got relatively close to what it is.
• 50:05
  So that was a robber breaking into a house.
• 50:08
  Evan's grandmother catching the robber.
• 50:11
  She has a shotgun.
• 50:12
  She thinks the robbers attractive at first, but then she turns on the light.
• 50:16
  He is a warthog.
• 50:18
  She shoots him.
• 50:20
  See, I knew it was there.
• 50:22
  So yeah, y'all are nailing that.
• 50:24
  I was actually pretty close.
• 50:25
  I think she told me about that one.
• 50:26
  That's what I was saying.
• 50:28
  All right.
• 50:29
  Here's my noise.
• 50:31
  That was it.
• 50:45
  Was that my sales tactic where I just fall asleep at the wheel and the gas pedal just taken off in the car?
• 50:54
  Was that a NASCAR pit stop, but the main mechanic has been thinking about leaving for some time.
• 51:02
  So he kind of sees the car drive off and he's like, maybe that was the last change.
• 51:07
  Wow.
• 51:09
  Evan really looked into the soul of that one.
• 51:11
  Yeah. No, that was my dad going out to blockbuster video on his dirt bike and never coming back.
• 51:20
  If he was going on his dirt bike, he probably didn't want him to come back.
• 51:24
  He's not like a cool dad.
• 51:25
  All right.
• 51:26
  This is my song.
• 51:35
  Is that the lynching of a cattle thief?
• 51:39
  Is that the sound of a family whose child secretly got a lizard and the dad found the lizard was upset, started swinging the lizard around and toss it right out the window and the child was sad.
• 52:03
  No, but I like, again, I love the detail.
• 52:06
  Sure.
• 52:07
  I'm a fan above a bed swinging in the night while the couple slept below it and their bed, the weight balance on his little weird.
• 52:16
  It's really in heavy.
• 52:18
  So the fan falls on the end of the thing, teeters the couple forward, tosses them into the wall in front.
• 52:25
  So it was like a, it was like a leverage situation.
• 52:28
  Yeah.
• 52:29
  Very heavy fan.
• 52:30
  It seesaws them into the wall.
• 52:32
  Yeah.
• 52:33
  Very heavy fan, industrial fan.
• 52:34
  Yeah.
• 52:35
  One of those brand is called Big Ass Fans.
• 52:38
  Yeah.
• 52:39
  They brought one of those.
• 52:40
  Yeah.
• 52:41
  Very heavy fan, very light couple.
• 52:43
  Yeah.
• 52:44
  Okay.
• 52:45
  Here's my noise.
• 52:47
  Hello, can I take your order?
• 52:50
  We're doing the thing.
• 52:53
  We're doing the thing.
• 52:55
  We're doing the thing.
• 52:57
  We're doing the thing.
• 52:59
  We're doing the thing.
• 53:01
  We're doing the thing.
• 53:03
  We're doing the thing.
• 53:05
  I'm glad we're doing this thing.
• 53:07
  That's cool.
• 53:09
  Okay.
• 53:10
  So we're doing the thing.
• 53:12
  Okay.
• 53:13
  I think we got to be your Chinese market with in your,
• 53:19
  That's nothing else.
• 53:21
  Bo Ting Finn going to a restaurant from a few episodes ago.
• 53:24
  Got it.
• 53:25
  I think that is a never nude man that for the first time took off his pants and was
• 53:53
  confused about the the items between betwixt his legs. Yeah, it's good. It's a lot of confusion.
• 54:00
  Just a lot of confusion. I think this is a guy who was recently hired for a job and he
• 54:09
  was under the impression that it was going to be kind of a lot of hanging loose and cracking
• 54:13
  wise and he's sitting through the orientation and realizing, Oh, there's there's a lot of
• 54:19
  work involved. A lot of seriousness. A lot of procedures. Yeah, that's good. It was neither
• 54:25
  of those. Okay, it was Zach going to five guys and confused why someone was clipping his nails.
• 54:36
  Alright, I've got one. This is my noise. Was that a person on a horse using one of those
• 54:53
  really heavy 1800s gas registers just making a sale of a blimps engine? Was that a man on
• 55:11
  a horse collecting sonic the hedgehog rings? So you guys got the horse ride. I'm glad that
• 55:20
  that was clear. These were two men on horseback fighting each other with pickaxes. One of them
• 55:28
  and the end realized, Oh, I also have a weed eater. He brings it to the fight and wins. Yeah,
• 55:36
  just strapped to his back. Yeah, he forgot about it. Oh, very good. Very good ASMR. Where
• 55:44
  don't rank us in the world of ASMR? I think we streamed on Twitch. We would probably be at number
• 55:48
  one. Number one. I agree. I can't. I can't agree more. But as we leave that very segment where
• 55:55
  you should take it seriously, why don't you guys give some people one liner wisdoms? Don't
• 56:01
  ever hold hands in public. It makes it too easy for somebody to slap a pair of handcuffs on you.
• 56:07
  That would explain this strange gentleman here that you are. Yeah, yeah, don't hold hands with
• 56:15
  any stranger, no matter how friendly they seem. It's interesting. You didn't introduce them.
• 56:20
  They say to get the true experience of someone else. You have to walk a mile on their shoes. I
• 56:27
  say nay, slide on your stomach for that full mile like a penguin in the Arctic. And that will do
• 56:34
  something for you. Yeah, they don't do something. Enough said. Yeah, it's one of those things where
• 56:40
  you don't know exactly how you'll feel, but you know you'll leave their feeling changed. Yeah, a
• 56:45
  lot less skin on your stomach. Yeah. Oh, very good. Very wise. But if you have a hypothetical that
• 56:52
  you want answered some advice that you need from the three wisest people on the planet, or do you
• 56:58
  need facts about a specific subject? Right in question with detour podcast at gmail.com. But
• 57:04
  that's it. Y'all want to be done? Yeah. Expect the detour.