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Maybe. Just Maybe With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Have everyone. It's Carly Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to start with a story today, and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: you may have heard it before, but even if you have,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: try and listen to the message behind it. So here
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: it goes. There once was a Chinese farmer and one
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: day his horse ran away, and all the neighbors came
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: by and said, oh, that's such bad luck, and the
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: farmer replied maybe. The next day the horse returned, bringing
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: with it several wild horses, and all the neighbors came
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: back and they said, oh, that's such good luck, and
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: the farmer said, yeah, maybe. And the following day his
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: son tried to tame one of the wild horses. So
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: he went for a ride and he was thrown off
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: and he broke his legs, and the neighbors came around
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: and said, oh, that's such bad luck luck, and the
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: farmer replied maybe. Then a week later a war broke
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: out and the army came through the village conscripting all
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: the young men for war. That his son, who had
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the broken legs, was left behind. And the neighbor said, oh,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: that is such good luck. And the farmer replied maybe,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: And I love this story because what it does is
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: it highlights and challenges something that we all do. We
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: really rush, without realizing it, to label our experiences as
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: good or bad or this shouldn't be happening to me,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: or this is amazing or this is terrible. And the
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: moment we label something, we often attach the whole story
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: to it. So it's like we predict what the future
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: is going to bring, or we decide what it means
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: about us and our lives, or we react as if
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: we already know how it's all going to turn out.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: But the truth is, we don't. That situation that you're
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: frustrated or upset or hurt or embarrassed about right now,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: it's probably not the full story. And equally, the thing
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: that you're clinging to, like the outcome you're desperate to
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: hold on to, that might not turn out the way
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: you expect it either, because life is far less linear
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: than we like to believe. Our lives don't move in
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: a straight line. It's like navigating a ship. You know,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: ship doesn't get from A to B in a straight line.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It's more like a zigzag. And sometimes things are calm
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and sometimes they're rough, and sometimes unexpected things happen, and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: from a psychological perspective, this links closely to what we
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: call cognitive fusion, when we get hooked by our thoughts
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: and we treat them as facts. This is bad, this
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: is unfair, This means something's gone wrong, and from that
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: place we react quickly and often emotionally. But the question
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: is what is the truth here, because we actually don't know. Yes,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: there are facts about what's happening, but we don't know
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: how anything is really going to play out. But we
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: act like we think we do, and we talk in
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: these absolutes. So what the farmer shows us is something
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: very different, a pause, a space between the event and
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: then the meaning that we give it. So maybe it's
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: not passive or indifferent. It's actually open. So it doesn't
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: mean that you won't feel hurt or frustrated or disappointed
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: or excited, because of course you will. But it's about
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: holding these feelings a little more lightly. It's about recognizing
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: that your first interpretation is not always the final one.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: So this week I invite you to try something really simple.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: The next time something happens and you feel yourself jumping
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to a conclusion or labeling the experience like it's a disaster.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Just notice that reaction and then pause and quietly say
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: to yourself, maybe maybe this is bad, maybe this is good,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: or maybe it's too early to tell. Because when you
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: stop trying to control the narrative too quickly, you give
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: yourself something far more useful. You give yourself perspective and
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: flexibility and the ability to respond rather than react, and
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: that could make a huge difference to what you do next.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: So have a great week everyone, and I'll catch you
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: next week. Thea