Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / You Are Worthy, You Are Valuable, and You Get to Choose: A Self-Leadership Framework for Women with Melissa Crook

Transcript

You Are Worthy, You Are Valuable, and You Get to Choose: A Self-Leadership Framework for Women with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:12
  Hello, Melissa Crick here in field podcast host.
• 0:15
  Glad to be here with you for another one-on-one empowerment
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  time with me today. We're going to talk about the
• 0:22
  core messaging today, a bit of the framework and have some
• 0:27
  phrasing and terms you've heard me use a lot lately, especially
• 0:32
  as I've really continue to formulate those things that I
• 0:37
  can really talk to people easily as an invitation into what this
• 0:42
  framework can mean for them, what it's meant to me.
• 0:46
  So I want to give you a little more background of that today.
• 0:48
  Lately you've, you've heard me say a lot and sometimes I end
• 0:52
  episodes with you are worthy, you are valuable, and you get to
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  choose. Last week I talked about my 3
• 1:00
  pillars that really help guide and for me and bring me back to
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  the framework that I take a look at as I'm looking at different
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  opportunities as I'm sharing the message with people.
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  So I wanted to give you a little background on on how I landed
• 1:14
  there and maybe how you can land on a three key principles or
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  guiding points that you can turn to to help you bring you back to
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  home, bring you back to the framework reminds you of what it
• 1:28
  is that guides you, what you, what your values are, what helps
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  you decide the trajectory you're going to go in different areas
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  of your life. And so we're going to get into
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  that today. Hopefully you find this helpful
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  and supported. And again, as always, if you
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  need more work or time on this, the links are in our show notes
• 1:48
  and on the resources page, resources page on our website of
• 1:51
  how you can work with me directly on this via one-on-one
• 1:56
  empowerment sessions, my online course or me coming and speaking
• 2:00
  to your group via keynote workshop, whatever it is that
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  works for you. And I do those virtually and in
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  person. So we can find all kinds of
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  ways. We also got our book.
• 2:07
  So there are all kinds of ways we can support you in this, but
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  hopefully this gives you the boost you need and, and reminds
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  you of how you can do this for yourself and you can share this
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  with those in your circle as well.
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  So for this core messaging, for this framework, things that
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  really guide me and thank you to my friend Drea Ginto, who really
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  helped me with this because she really helps me hone in and
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  really break down the things I cared about to make it into
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  something that was really easy to share and, you know, in
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  alignment with me. So it starts with a big idea or
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  core narrative. What cultural tension or problem
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  am I trying to solve? And this is a question you can
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  ask yourself in your businesses and volunteer work that you do
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  that's really intentional in the community, in your faith spaces,
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  even in your home as you're coming together trying to figure
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  out how to manage things best in your home.
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  If you've got a busy environment with a lot of people going in a
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  lot of different directions there, there's so many ways you
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  can do this. We're such a reactive society,
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  but we need to be a more responsive society.
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  I see so many times we're reacting after the fact instead
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  of getting upstream and getting places and things in place now
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  that when that happens, we're responding to it, not reacting
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  to it and trying to figure it out on the fly.
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  Going to a root versus band aiding systems is really an
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  important part of this. The power of the pause, taking a
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  moment. We're in such a hurry all the
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  time. That's why this quiet time and
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  journaling time and reflection time without our devices is such
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  an important time to take that power of the pause.
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  Think about what, Lance, what's coming to mind for you?
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  What's I mean up bubbling up for you?
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  When we do our own work and we do these things, we ask
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  ourselves these questions, we create these these narratives
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  and values and principles for us to live by, it ripples out on
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  how we engage with the world if we would just take time to do
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  our own work. And this is going to sound
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  simplistic to you, but I honestly believe this, and this
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  comes as a reflection of my own journey, but I really believe if
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  we would take the time to do our own work, know our own value,
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  and operate from a stable foundation based on who we are,
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  not what we do, Knowing our value is not based on how many
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  things we've accomplished, but that we exist in the world.
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  It would solve 99% of the problems that come up in how we
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  interact and respond and react to problems and challenges and
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  conflicts and relationships we're in in the world.
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  I really believe that. And you can tell when you
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  interact with people by the reactions, whether they have
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  done the work or not. We see so many knee jerk
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  defensive reactions, so many times people feel threatened and
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  so they respond accordingly to try to ascertain some sort of
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  pretend power over the situation rather than stopping again the
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  pause and really thinking about why is this making me feel so
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  reactive? Why am I so defensive?
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  Is there a real reason for that here, or is that a reflection of
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  work I need to do on myself? This this can be a last ditch
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  effort to try to retain a false sense of power.
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  We see this a lot in our workplaces.
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  We see this a lot as women challenge and become more
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  confident and stronger in some spaces.
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  There are some people that are really threatened by that.
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  They don't want the old power dynamic to change.
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  They like the way things are because it's serving them.
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  They may not even realize it. That's the other thing too.
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  It's just the way it's always been done.
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  And so if we all step back and do that work on ourselves, we
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  eliminate a lot of these issues that come up in a very reactive
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  many times, most of the time, especially in these power
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  dynamics we're talking about can be that are really damaging and,
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  and and actually cause more problems.
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  Then then they might solve something temporarily, but long
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  term they can create more problems.
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  So many times when we when we react this way, when we rewrite,
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  rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. We don't need to rewrite
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  anything, rewrite how we evaluate our own time, energy
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  and investing it back to self. And then when we do that, we're
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  ready and willing and happy to support others in that as well
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  because we've done our own work first.
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  So remembering so many times, I think too, when we feel, well,
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  this is just the way it is. This is just the way I am.
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  We don't stop to think, is it or is that something I've learned
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  that I can unlearn? Is this actually something I
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  inherited genetically or is this just something that's been
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  passed down so much that it's been taught that way and it, you
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  know, communicated that way. So getting back to remembering
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  that we have choice. Sometimes things happen to us
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  and we don't have a choice about that, but we can choose how to
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  respond to it, what kind of decisions to make out of it that
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  are going to be healthy and helpful for us and for those
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  around us. So remembering these things and
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  so asking myself these questions and working with my friend Drea
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  Ginto on this really helped me to come up with just these three
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  core messaging pillars that you've heard me talk about.
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  You're worth all of it. You're valuable because of who
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  you are, not what you do. And you get to choose.
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  And this really is like, oh, it kind of when I say this, I'm
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  like, Oh yeah, that's right. I do.
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  I do get to choose. But what does that really mean?
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  You're worth all of it. You're worthy of rest, joy,
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  healthy boundaries, softness, ambition, and being seen, known,
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  and heard without needing to earn it.
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  The core emotion here is we start believing that we're
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  deserving of good things, that we're deserving of valuing
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  ourselves, that we're worth all of it.
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  That we're worthy not because of what we did, but because of who
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  we are and that we're here. And that goes nicely into your
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  valuable because of who you are, not what you do.
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  Your being holds more power than you're doing.
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  Productivity doesn't define your worth.
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  Presence does. That core emotion is belonging.
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  I belong here. I belong in this space, I belong
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  in this, in this force, in these relationships, in this
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  opportunity, in this life. And that you get to choose.
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  Every moment invites you to choose.
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  Alignment over approval, wholeness over performance, and
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  truth over expectation. That core emotion here is
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  empowerment. We feel embored.
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  Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, that happened.
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  But I get to choose XY and Z and how I move forward from this and
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  how I respond to this. And this can be such a key thing
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  to remember. When something really hard
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  happens and, and really painful and really difficult, you can
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  remind yourself that there's still choice for you.
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  And then this invites some language shifts so you can talk
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  about, you know, self-care can also thought about as self
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  fulfillment, self choice instead of hustle.
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  We're thinking about harmony and wholeness and and within
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  balance. We're thinking about where do
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  healthy boundaries come in here to help me find that harm and
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  that balance Instead of productivity, we're really
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  thinking about presence. What is my presence emulating
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  today? Is my presence showing that I'm
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  intentional about being here, that I'm paying attention, that
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  I'm fully in the moment, that I'm not distracted and worried
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  about the next thing I'm trying to get done?
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  On the To Do List, instead of fixing ourselves, we don't see
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  ourselves as a problem or an obstacle to fix.
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  We see the power of feeling ourselves, feeling the emotions,
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  not seeing emotions as positive or negative, but seeing them as
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  clues, as opportunities. Some may be more difficult than
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  others. Some may be more joyful than
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  others with their opportunities, their clues, invitations to feel
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  so that you can address and acknowledge what it is that
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  needs to be tended to, that you're not stuffing or ignoring
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  or feeling shame or embarrassment, or you know
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  things that you know. You're really inviting yourself
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  into it and allowing that to happen.
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  You're being tender and patient and empathetic with yourself and
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  instead of feeling like you have to prove your worth, you're
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  honoring your worth. You're knowing your worth.
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  You're like I talked about last week, you're living like the VIP
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  that you are. And this really helps us,
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  especially as women, but all of us, it helps us to stop over
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  performing and start feeling our way back to freedom, alignment
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  and self worth. And so I really wanted to share
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  that with you today. I wanted to give you this
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  opportunity to have an insight on how I got here and why I feel
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  like it's so important. Again, big shout out to drag
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  into her link will be in the show notes on how you can work
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  with her as well. If this really got your
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  attention to like, oh, I could help.
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  I could use somebody to help me guide me this.
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  But now that I have this, I want to help you with it as well.
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  So if this is something that you want to start really embodying
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  in your life, let's get together.
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  Let's have a one-on-one conversation.
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  Let's see if there's other tools in my toolbox here that can help
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  you really embody this. Or maybe this is what you needed
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  today and you just needed that reminder, whatever that is.
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  Those resources and links are in the show notes and on our
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  resources page at embracinglayers.com.
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  I want to thank you so much for being with me today, and I want
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  you to remember this last thing for the Feel Framework.
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  For me, this is what it really comes down to.
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  The Feel Framework is a radical reimagining of self leadership
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  for women who are tired of performing, perfecting, and
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  pleasing instead of chasing external measures of success.
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  It guides you to live from your fullest expression, grounded in
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  your values, fueled by self trust, and embodied through
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  everyday choices. This makes this framework not
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  just about Wellness, but about agency, identity and cultural
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  power. So I hope this gave you again
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  some helpful insights, some things to remember.
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  If you need additional resources, go to
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  embracinglayers.com. Let's get together.
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  Let's have a 30 minute free time together and just talk about how
• 14:16
  this can support you or share this episode with other women.
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  If this is what you needed today to re to awaken you to this.
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  I'm I'm glad I could be that for you.
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  And just remember, we have a ton of resources to support you if
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  you need for the support. Thank you so much for being with
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  me today. Remember, you are worthy.
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  You are valuable, and you get to choose.
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  Take good care of yourselves and we'll see you next time here on
• 14:39
  the Field podcast.