Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Unbreakable Day: Surviving Trauma & Embracing Healing with Naseem Rochette

Transcript

Unbreakable Day: Surviving Trauma & Embracing Healing with Naseem Rochette · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  Hello, Melissa Crook here from The Field Podcast.
• 0:03
  Thanks so much for being with us today as we prepare for our
• 0:08
  latest episode and breakable day, Surviving Trauma and
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  Embracing Healing with Nassim Rochette.
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  Whenever guilt comes up as an emotion, explore the reasons
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  why. Think about the situation you're
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  in and analyze that feeling of guilt.
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  Is it stemming from an event in your past?
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  Are you telling yourself a different narrative than what's
• 0:31
  reality? Our emotions are not good or
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  bad. I'm very adamant about that, but
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  they rather are indicators and clues to the bigger picture of
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  ourselves that may require a little more exploring.
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  We hope you help these. We hope you've find these.
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  Sorry about that. Helpful and supportive today as
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  you engage with our new episode. This one is a big boy people.
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  This plays out like a Netflix show.
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  You are not going to believe what this woman survives.
• 1:07
  It is. It's truly an incredible story.
• 1:10
  So stay tuned as you hear this really, really, truly survivor
• 1:18
  story with Missy Merced. Finding power man embracing
• 1:31
  layers yet? Hello and welcome to The Field
• 1:37
  Podcast this week. I am with a new friend here
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  today, Nassim Rochette. And boy, does she.
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  Have a fascinating. Story today.
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  This is one of those ones where my friend AJ Richie and I've
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  worked with AJ on a couple of our other folks as well, that
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  he's, he's, you know, one of those PR people that has a
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  really good sense of what we're about here.
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  And he always brings me and people very intentionally.
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  And so if you ever hear podcasts and people out there in the
• 2:09
  media world, you hear from AJ, give him a listen because he's
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  really great about doing his homework and plugging you into
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  people that are really aligned with your mission.
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  And he's done that again here with Naseem.
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  I got a chance to meet her via Google Meet a couple of weeks
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  ago. And I might, I, I like when I
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  read her bio and looked at her website before we met, I was
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  like, is this for real? And then, and then I met her and
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  it was like, Oh my gosh, it's for real.
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  And you'll know what I mean when we get into our conversation
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  here today. But Naseem describes herself as
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  joyful, energetic, vulnerable, thoughtful, and a happy misfit.
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  Naseem Rochette, welcome to the Field podcast.
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  Oh, thank you, Melissa. It's so nice to be.
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  Here, it's so great to have you here.
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  OK, let's get right into it. Talk to me about your journey
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  with prioritizing self-care in your life.
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  And I'm curious as if there was a you had a pivotal point in
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  your life that we'll get into that really changed everything
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  for you and was quite a shocking event actually and and scary.
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  Was there a transition in yourself care and how you viewed
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  your value and your and your time that you put into yourself
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  after this happened compared to what it was before?
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  So, you know, I don't know if I would, I would say things
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  changed because of, you know, my accident, which, you know, as
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  you remarked, is, is really like a demarcation point.
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  But I think it underscored some things for me and, and the ways
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  I want to live and take care of myself and also take care of
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  those around me. So, you know, when I'm about
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  self-care, you know, probably the, the thing that I will, you
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  know, talk about the most now is being kind to ourselves.
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  And and that's not something that I actively thought about
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  before, you know, maybe I, but I didn't use the words around it.
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  Right. But what I realized is that, you
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  know, just thinking about and putting more effort in the way
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  we frame our own thoughts. Yeah.
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  Has such an impact not just on our ability to take care of
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  ourselves and move our own goals forward, but in how we drive
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  energy with those people around us.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such an interesting way
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  to put it. And I'm, I'm glad you brought
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  that up because I think sometimes we think about it in
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  just in terms of the physical and, and yes, the physical piece
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  isn't important and it does help our mental emotional, but that
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  approach that you're talking about, that's a key component of
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  it shapes the whole more than we realize the whole way we take it
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  on, look at it, approach it, you know, it all impacts that.
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  So I'm so thank you for that insight.
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  That's really, really good. And this, and this goes nicely
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  into, because I think it carries into this too confidently
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  setting boundaries, healthy boundaries around your time
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  around who you give it to, around how you distribute it
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  according to what's in alignment for you.
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  I mean, I, I, I use the word boundaries because that's what
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  worked for me. But I had somebody, a friend
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  pointed out, you know, a couple friends have pointed out for
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  some people, the word boundaries sounds too imposing.
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  And so it might be guideposts or guidelines or guardrails or can
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  you know inner peace, you know, whatever it is, it create No,
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  it's. Priorities.
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  Yeah. You know, you've got to drive,
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  figure out how you want to spend your day and your time and what
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  you want to do. Yeah.
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  You know, I mean, one of the things that's very important to
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  me, you know, is, is spending time with my kids or having
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  actually just coffee, you know, coffee with them or brunch.
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  With them. So what do I have to give up or
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  not do? And I think for women, that's
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  sometimes more complicated, you know, because we are wired to
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  juggle so many things. So, you know, I don't make a
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  move without thinking how is it going to affect these other
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  systems in my life? Because that's just how I'm
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  wired. Yeah.
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  So, you know, I, when I think about setting boundaries, I
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  really just think about, you know, I'm, you know, what are
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  the words like I'm a joy seeker. So I think about what are what's
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  going to bring me joy? Yeah.
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  You know, and let those things bubble up, you know, if it's not
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  bringing me joy, if it's bringing me anxiety, how do I
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  change my situation? You know, because it's, it's up
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  to us to. You know, to change our
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  situations. Yeah, remembering the choice in
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  that piece, you know that we this is part of this is a
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  choice. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a
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  really, really important thing to to recognize.
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  Yeah, You know, so I know we're going to get to a little bit
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  more about my accident, my demarcation.
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  But, you know, I will say that the way I look at that accident
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  and the fact that we decided to reframe that day as not as the
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  day I die, but the day as I I lived, you know, it is so
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  meaningful in my ability to navigate through it.
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  And, you know, for my kids and my friends and stuff to talk
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  about it. You know, we're not putting it
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  in the closet as a negative once we reframe it.
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  Yes, or. Yes, absolutely.
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  Because I think that that whole thing, like hard things happen
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  and we have to process the emotions that come up within
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  that. But we also have a choice on how
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  we move forward from that and how we remember it and how we
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  frame it. And that's not denying that it
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  wasn't hard or that's not saying it wasn't like terrifying or
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  whatever. But it also gives us the ability
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  to like, OK, what instead of seeing somebody said this to me
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  the other day and I thought it was really a good way of
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  thinking about some of these things instead of looking at
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  something, what happened to you? What happened for you?
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  Not that the event itself felt like it was for you, but in the
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  scope of your life, how can you, how can you, you know, look at
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  it and frame it in a way moving forward that it can be something
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  that really works for you, which?
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  Is so important, you know, when I talk about so we we call the
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  day that I survived the unbreakable day.
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  Yeah. And, you know, we've all gone
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  through, you know, as you noted, hard things and it doesn't move
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  things less hard, you know, like my you know, I almost died.
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  It was very traumatic. It was very hard on every, you
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  know, on on myself, my friends. But I learned things from them,
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  you know, and I, you know, and by talking about it, you know, I
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  can share some of those lessons. I can appreciate the people
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  around me. But I think that, you know, as a
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  society, you know, we so often think talking about those tough
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  moments is just a downer, right, that we don't ourselves the
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  space to recognize and, you know, appreciate how much
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  strength it took to navigate through it.
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  Yes, yes. And so on that note, this will
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  be a great time to really unfold this story.
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  But we're going to talk about taking care of our emotional
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  health, mental health, physical health, spiritual health, This
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  accident hit square in the eye of all of those things and
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  navigating those things. So why don't you take our
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  listeners through the day, the breakable day?
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  So it is a crazy story. I'm going to start with the
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  quick line and then I'll go into some of the details because you
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  sometimes you need a breath. Yeah, exactly.
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  So on May 21st, 2018, I was crossing the street when a car,
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  I was in a pedestrian crosswalk when a car turned.
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  It hit me, then it drove over me, then it reversed over me,
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  and then it drove over me a third time and I was pinned
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  underneath the car, all while my husband was watching me.
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  So that's the short story. Yeah, I mean, did you ever?
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  I don't think I asked you this before and feel free to answer
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  however you want to on this. Did you ever feel figure out why
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  they kept hitting you? Like, were they panicking,
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  trying to get out of the way? Because, I mean, if you're like,
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  if you're like a conspiracy theorist, like so many people,
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  you're like, this sounds like an organized hit.
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  I know. I mean, it really does.
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  It sounds like when I first read your story, I'm like, this
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  sounds like a Netflix thing. But oh, my gosh, is this real?
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  So. So talk to me about that.
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  And peace, too. Yeah.
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  So, you know, people have asked, many people have asked a bitch.
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  And no, no, my husband and I are very happy.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was, he wasn't there to make
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  sure the job got done. And he was just, he was just
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  picking me up. And, you know, we, the driver
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  has never apologized or acknowledged, you know, and
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  that's a whole another, you know, we could do a more podcast
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  format alone. Yeah.
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  But you know, in that, you know, in that day and and what, you
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  know, we believe is that when the.
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  So when the driver first hit me, she stopped, OK.
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  And so I was still standing. And, you know, and candidly,
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  I'll tell you, you know, your listeners, that I was fine.
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  In fact, I was actually having such a good day that day.
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  I was having such a happy day. You're hitting me today.
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  Great day. But, you know, I wasn't worried
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  about it because I was standing and I thought I'd be black and
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  blue. But, you know, it's a cocktail
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  party story. Nothing to worry about, right?
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  And then she accelerated and I flew onto the hood and I flew
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  onto the roadway. My husband said it was like mom
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  split truck driving over me. And, you know, I was screaming.
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  Other people were screaming. What we believe now what and
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  even what we believe, you know, then is that she was probably
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  trying to flee the scene. You know, I can't say that for a
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  fact. That's what she.
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  She. Didn't really have insurance
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  either. She didn't really have insurance
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  either. So actually seriously, the scene
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  then, you know, I was screaming my husband.
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  There were other witnesses. We suspect that she reversed to
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  try to get back down to where she hit me in the crosswalk.
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  You know, that's but you know, I'll tell you that second time
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  she drove over me, I actually thought to myself, this isn't
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  right. You know, this on too long like.
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  And that second time is when I realized that I I I I didn't
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  think I was getting out of it. You know, I could.
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  He was watching his wife die. God and Yeah.
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  And, you know, my everything is in slow motion, so, you know,
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  like a matter of seconds. But I had so many good
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  conversations with myself about my life and, you know, those
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  last moments. And it was actually, you know,
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  in some ways kind of rewarding to know what you're going to
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  worry about or think about in those last.
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  Sure. And then she, when she went
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  forward on me the third time, I think she was probably trying to
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  get off me, you know, and then and everyone was screaming, you
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  know, just stop, stop driving. And she finally stopped, but I
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  was underneath the middle of the car.
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  Luckily like that, she didn't stop with the tires on me, thank
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  goodness. But the tires did run over me
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  five times. The tires ran over my head and
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  neck and my chest and my knees. And but luckily when you dropped
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  I was just underneath. And you were conscious this
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  whole time the. Whole time.
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  Wow, the whole time. Wow, wow.
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  So I don't even know where to start with the emotional,
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  mental, physical, just all the aspects of this one that you
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  survived is it just wasn't your time yet.
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  I mean, you just should not have survived that when you describe
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  it well, I don't. Want I can share, you know, what
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  if I share what what I was thinking underneath the car,
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  those yes, the last moments. OK, so when I was reflecting
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  back on my life, you know, I'll say and I always feel a little
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  boastful saying this, but you know, I felt happy.
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  You know, I felt happy that day and I looked at and for me to
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  feel happy was in itself a big deal.
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  So much of my life or not. Maybe I was 47 when the accident
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  happened, but you know, maybe the 1st 2025 years of my life, I
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  was not a happy misfit. I was a very uncomfortable
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  misfit. I was.
• 15:30
  Me being, you know, the odd one, the one that didn't look like
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  everyone else or think like anyone else.
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  And I was really insecure. And so it took me a long time to
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  not only be comfortable with who I was, but to like who I was.
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  And by that day at 47, I kind of figured that out.
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  You know, I had three wonderful kids, you know, great husband,
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  you know, wonderful friends, community, like life felt good.
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  And so when I was underneath the car and I was thinking, you
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  know, I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my kids.
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  You know, who's going to love my kids the way I love my kids?
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  You know, I thought, look, we've, I've had, I've had a
• 16:10
  great time in these last several years, like I've had a fun life.
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  My kids and I have laughed. We, you know, I've been present.
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  I always worked, but when I was with them, I was present.
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  And I thought, you know what? They know who I am, they know my
• 16:23
  values, they know what I'm about.
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  And I don't want to leave them. And I wish I'd written those
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  letters and, you know, done all those things at that time.
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  But, you know, I thought, OK, they, they know who I am and
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  they know, They know that, you know, how deep my love is.
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  Then I realized all of my kids know.
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  Nobody else knows because telling everyone how important
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  they are to me and, you know, espousing appreciation.
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  And for that, I felt a lot of regret.
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  And those were really my 2 primary thoughts as I reflected
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  back on life. There was nothing about, oh, I
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  wish my career had gone bigger or I wish I saved more money.
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  It was, you know, it was, it was all about the people and the the
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  impact they made on people or didn't make.
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  Wow. I think that really is something
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  we should sit with because that's really, at the end of the
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  day, we spend so much time and energy on all of these other
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  outside things that we think are going to make a life or create a
• 17:28
  life we want. And certainly those things can
• 17:32
  contribute to it. But at the end of the day, it's
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  about the people and the relationships and where we've
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  given our time, spent our time, who we've loved.
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  Do they know all these things? And so I think that's a really
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  interesting and not surprising when you break it down, but also
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  what a reminder of that and to have that be that at the
• 17:54
  forefront of your mind moving forward.
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  I would think I mean has played a role in just a little bit of
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  reframing on that front it. Really has and, you know, I
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  mentioned, you know, in the beginning, you talked about the
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  words that describe me. Vulnerable is one of them.
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  That is a new word for me. That's not a one that exists in
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  a new accident. And one of the things that I
• 18:17
  learned after the accident, you know, I, you know, I thought I
• 18:22
  woke up happy. I was, you know, juggling, you
• 18:25
  know, a full life. I wasn't someone that accepted
• 18:27
  help. I was someone that gave I was
• 18:30
  very comfortable being the, you know, I've got it all.
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  I can do it all on my own. I don't need anyone's help, you
• 18:37
  know, and I was very proud that I didn't need anyone's help.
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  Wear that like a badge of honor. I know.
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  But what I realized after the accident and you know, and there
• 18:48
  was a journey to this as well, but I realized the accident
• 18:51
  didn't just happen to me. It happened to everyone that
• 18:55
  loved me, my community, my friends, my family and my
• 18:58
  husband. And they needed an active part
• 19:02
  in the healing and for them to actively participate in the
• 19:07
  healing they needed to see. They needed to participate in my
• 19:10
  healing and I needed to let them.
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  And that was very, very difficult.
• 19:17
  Like, and I knew I wanted to appreciate the people around me,
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  but figuring out how I tell them about my issues and let them
• 19:24
  help was not, you know, was not my MO.
• 19:27
  Yeah. So luckily there's something,
• 19:30
  you know, I learned about the philosophy and art of Kinsuki.
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  So I actually, I started seeing a trauma therapist after my
• 19:38
  accident and she taught me about this art of Kinsugi and how you
• 19:43
  take a broken piece of pottery and put it back together with
• 19:46
  the gold inlay. So you celebrate the cracks in
• 19:50
  the vase as making it more beautiful, part of its journey.
• 19:54
  And I really, I know I did too. And it really helped me
• 19:59
  recognize and reframe knowing that my accident.
• 20:05
  Was now part of my journey. I didn't have to be a victim
• 20:09
  right? This is part of my journey these
• 20:11
  cracks, these scars on my face, this cane I walk with like all
• 20:16
  of these things I'm dealing with they're part of my journey.
• 20:20
  But it I don't need them to, they don't have to make me less
• 20:23
  than just makes. It's just part of my journey.
• 20:28
  And when I started talking about the accident and the issues and
• 20:32
  the challenges and the pain in that frame with that, you know,
• 20:39
  with with that mindset, yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't a downer and a
• 20:43
  victim. I was sharing.
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  And what was amazing is I shared what I was going through.
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  People were sharing what they were going through.
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  And we all go through something. I mean, they weren't run over by
• 20:54
  a car three times. But there's.
• 20:56
  Still a lot of stuff going on, sure, and our just got stronger
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  and better and it was, you know, it was something I feel really
• 21:05
  lucky to have the opportunity to learn.
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  Wow, wow. So much in that.
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  I think the lesson too, in that understanding, and you and I
• 21:16
  talked about this when we met the first time too, that not
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  only did you have to heal the end, the others around you had
• 21:24
  to heal people that viewed that that day.
• 21:26
  I mean, that's not something that goes out of your mind
• 21:29
  quickly. That's something that has to be
• 21:31
  processed and moved through and some really working that out so
• 21:37
  it doesn't continue to haunt you.
• 21:39
  Whether I mean, thinking about your husband, my gosh, I mean,
• 21:43
  my husband was witnessing that. I, I can't even imagine.
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  I think he would lose his mind. I think, I don't even know.
• 21:48
  I don't know what I mean. I think it would just, it would
• 21:51
  just be so terrifying. And to then I think to within
• 21:56
  that, allowing everyone's space to have you and you need your
• 22:01
  own individual healing and also a collective healing.
• 22:04
  So there's a both and to this process to just, I think to move
• 22:12
  forward to feel safe again for him and the people that you
• 22:16
  would like your kids to feel safe when you're out of their
• 22:19
  sight. I mean, there's so many things
• 22:20
  that come up with this kind of trauma.
• 22:26
  And so talk to me about working through that piece and allowing
• 22:30
  that it's the space it needed. So I think there, there are two
• 22:36
  things there, you know, the 1st is there's actually the kind of
• 22:39
  the journey of moving forward. And you know, I have to talk
• 22:43
  about like once I started sharing my cracks or my issues,
• 22:47
  you know, my challenges, I could start sharing my victories.
• 22:51
  Like I often say, like I told you, you're more than I took
• 22:54
  this hour today. You know, that's not something
• 22:56
  we would really normally cheer about.
• 22:58
  Yeah, yeah. But if you knew that I couldn't
• 23:02
  walk up the stairs or lift my arm, you know, or bear, you
• 23:07
  know, water on my skin or, you know, like if if you knew all of
• 23:12
  those things, sure, then you know, by taking a shower was a
• 23:15
  really big deal. So.
• 23:17
  But if people tell me where you're starting from, they can't
• 23:21
  appreciate where you're going and the.
• 23:23
  Steps you take forward. And I found that as I, you know,
• 23:27
  shared kind of where I was starting from and the things
• 23:29
  that I was facing or and dealing with again, not as a victim, but
• 23:33
  as part of my journey, I could share the victories.
• 23:37
  And those threes were momentum and energy, not just for me, but
• 23:42
  for my kids and my friends as they saw forward progress.
• 23:47
  And I think that forward progress allows them to work
• 23:51
  through some of the concerns and the issues and the panic that,
• 23:55
  you know, we all felt. Sure.
• 23:57
  Wow. I, I love this approach you've
• 23:59
  taken because you are addressing all of the things, not in a way
• 24:03
  of like I'm moving forward, I'm alive, I'm going to go forward
• 24:07
  with gusto and we're just going to shove all this aside and move
• 24:10
  forward. It's a both and and you're very
• 24:13
  much have taken this very holistic, healthy both and
• 24:17
  approach for this. And I think you know, and, and
• 24:21
  what an example that is for your kids.
• 24:23
  I mean, whether you meant it to be or not, that's a powerful
• 24:28
  reminder of what's possible when you're willing to to do the
• 24:33
  work, to be vulnerable, to be authentic and show up as you are
• 24:38
  unapologetically, which is which is our next talking point.
• 24:43
  And this is what you do. You have you not only support
• 24:46
  yourself in showing up unapologetically, but you invite
• 24:50
  other people into it by virtue of this example.
• 24:54
  It just how does that hit with you when when you hear that?
• 24:58
  You know, I mean that look, it's still, I don't want to say it
• 25:03
  feels uncomfortable, but like I, I, I always want to say that I,
• 25:06
  I don't know that I'm enlightened, you know, but I
• 25:09
  want to share what I've learned. Yeah, because I was left enough
• 25:14
  that, you know, before my accident, I had heard razor
• 25:17
  resilience, you know, and, and I had always thought, oh gosh, if
• 25:21
  something horrible happens to me, I hope I can come out
• 25:24
  stronger. Now that wasn't even me.
• 25:27
  I'm not going to say, oh, I just woke up and I'm like, hey, this
• 25:30
  a happy story. That took a lot of work, you
• 25:33
  know, but I did, you know, I, I had a foundational knowledge.
• 25:38
  I had an inventory. Of.
• 25:40
  Other, you know, other examples of people that survive really
• 25:44
  tough things. And so that's, you know, one of
• 25:47
  the reasons that I, you know, wrote a book about it that I
• 25:49
  study about it is because people need to know that you can
• 25:54
  navigate. And I think the other thing
• 25:57
  people that need to know especially so I have a traumatic
• 26:00
  brain injury. Yeah.
• 26:02
  Nobody looks at me and sees, Oh yeah, look at her.
• 26:05
  She's got a, you know, she's got a traumatic brain injury.
• 26:10
  You know, nobody can look at me and see I've been run over by a
• 26:13
  car three times. People don't, you don't know
• 26:15
  anybody's stories, right? You know, people you know by by
• 26:19
  looking at them. And I found that.
• 26:21
  And you know, one thing I say to, to, you know, when I do
• 26:23
  talks is as leaders, you know, when we share our stories and we
• 26:28
  become vulnerable, we give people the opportunity and the
• 26:32
  space to share back. No, they're not always going to.
• 26:37
  But you know, just by doing that, we, we start to build a
• 26:40
  foundation of trust and connection.
• 26:44
  And I think it makes relationships so much more
• 26:47
  rewarding and even feeds into that whole reframing.
• 26:52
  Yeah, yeah. And safety, you know that
• 26:55
  safety. You've opened that door.
• 26:56
  It's an invitation. I mean, I think that's so much a
• 26:59
  part of it. All right, talk to me then.
• 27:02
  Let's get into the why and values.
• 27:05
  You had a specific why when you decided to do the book and start
• 27:09
  doing public speaking. I have to believe there was a
• 27:12
  specific thing in your makeup and your values and your why.
• 27:16
  Talk to me about that. And what, what led you down this
• 27:20
  road? Yeah.
• 27:21
  So, you know, I look, I was not a sharer before the accident.
• 27:26
  And even now, you know, it's hard for me to say I'm a sharer.
• 27:30
  But when the accident happened and I was in the hospital.
• 27:34
  So look, let me just say again, I was run over by a car three
• 27:37
  times, the tires went over me five times.
• 27:41
  And not only did I survive, I did not break any bones.
• 27:46
  Are you made of cartilage? That is, that's no, I have
• 27:51
  crazy. Theories on how that happens.
• 27:53
  You know, I called my I, I drink a lot of Chai.
• 27:55
  Maybe it was the milk I drank every day.
• 27:57
  I don't know. But you know, when I was in the
• 28:00
  hospital and we were all in shock, you know, they were doing
• 28:03
  test after test and the nurses and doctors kept saying, you
• 28:06
  know, you survive for a reason. You need to pay it forward.
• 28:10
  And, you know, all I thought is I just, you know, I just want to
• 28:12
  survive, like hang it forward with not a burden I was ready to
• 28:15
  bear, but it did see it. And so as I was healing, you
• 28:21
  know, and trying to reframe my story, I also thought, I want to
• 28:25
  share something. I don't want to change my life,
• 28:28
  but, you know, I, I want to, I want to share what I can share.
• 28:31
  If there's anything I've learned that I can share.
• 28:34
  Yeah. So I started capturing some of
• 28:37
  the insights and, you know, I had my, you know, my lessons or
• 28:40
  insights and, and I would just e-mail them out to my friends.
• 28:44
  And then COVID happened. And, you know, so by that point,
• 28:49
  we'd already done, you know, our first unbreakable day, we'd
• 28:53
  celebrated. An unbreakable day is what we
• 28:55
  call the holiday, the the day of the accident.
• 28:58
  And we celebrate it as a day to give yourself credit for what
• 29:01
  you've been through, to appreciate the people that help
• 29:04
  you get through those things. And that's, you know, a day that
• 29:06
  I would share my lessons. And then when COVID happened, it
• 29:10
  was like almost like this giant unbreakable days, you know, just
• 29:14
  really ongoing tough moment. And I thought some of the things
• 29:17
  that I've learned could help other people.
• 29:21
  And you know what? If I could have just said here,
• 29:22
  my 10 lessons were all, you know, done.
• 29:25
  I, I would have done that. But I knew that those lessons
• 29:30
  wouldn't be meaningful without the context of my own story.
• 29:34
  Sure. So that's how, you know, it
• 29:37
  started, you know, with me writing a memoir because
• 29:40
  honestly, you know, putting all of the details of my life out
• 29:43
  there. Yeah.
• 29:46
  But I knew I needed to do that to give these, you know, other
• 29:49
  points value. Yeah, yeah.
• 29:51
  And give it the context it, yeah.
• 29:54
  You know, and my why for that is, is really because I want
• 29:58
  other people to reframe their unbreakable days.
• 30:02
  Yeah. You know, and so many people
• 30:04
  since, you know, the the book has come out and I've started
• 30:07
  speaking upset to me. You know, I've always kind of
• 30:10
  sat in my room and cried on the anniversary of, you know, my
• 30:14
  trauma. But today I'm holding my head
• 30:17
  higher and I'm recognizing that I navigated in.
• 30:20
  It's my unbreakable day. And you know, we're going out
• 30:23
  and you know, we're celebrating instead of hiding.
• 30:27
  I, I love that. I think that is so powerful.
• 30:30
  I mean that within itself, the ability, because I love this,
• 30:34
  how you frame this, you treat it like a holiday.
• 30:37
  I think it's just wonderful and it's what a wonderful
• 30:39
  celebration and you truly I mean, and it's so accurate
• 30:45
  because to not break a bone in your body, I'm still definitely
• 30:48
  rolling around in my head. But for you to still there was
• 30:51
  still you had a traumatic brain injury.
• 30:54
  I mean, this is a very serious thing.
• 30:57
  You can still take this. A lot of it's a choice in how we
• 31:01
  decide to frame our lives. And, and I don't say, and I'm
• 31:06
  always careful when I say that because we have a habit as women
• 31:09
  and as a society to brush things under the rug and put on this
• 31:13
  happy face and not be truthful and process all the things we
• 31:17
  need to. But again, I point to you have
• 31:20
  you've really incorporated the both and you've allowed yourself
• 31:23
  the space, the vulnerability, the healing process and have
• 31:29
  declared I survived, not just survived this, but I'm going to
• 31:34
  thrive and live well from it. And I won't allow this day to
• 31:40
  take that from me. And I think there's something
• 31:44
  really powerful when we take that part up, realize there's a
• 31:48
  choice in that. It's empowering to take that
• 31:51
  back for ourselves and for those we love to see us being able to
• 31:56
  live that way. Yeah, for.
• 31:59
  Those that we love, it's it is really just as important to
• 32:03
  share. Yeah, I mean, because that all
• 32:05
  impacts their healing and their ability to continue to move
• 32:12
  forward and know how to show up and support you in that.
• 32:15
  But you said something earlier, I want to go back to a little
• 32:17
  bit that learning that it's OK to ask for help.
• 32:21
  And I mentioned earlier that we as women wear that like a batch
• 32:25
  of honor. And actually, my friend Rachel
• 32:27
  Lavin, she's been on the show here, the Field podcast, and
• 32:31
  she's also been on our panels and she's a regular contributor.
• 32:34
  And she her biggest thing that she declared when we did our New
• 32:39
  Year's panel was in New Year. Take care of you.
• 32:43
  Let's let's normalize asking for help.
• 32:46
  Let's normalize that this is good for us and it's it's OK and
• 32:52
  it's good for our health and it's good for other people's
• 32:55
  health because there's so many people out there that want to
• 32:58
  help. So I think also too, that was
• 33:01
  probably something you didn't expect out of all of this, but
• 33:05
  that ability to see the overall or when it's, it's not a chink
• 33:12
  in the armor to ask for help and how empowering it can be.
• 33:17
  You brought that up because so I actually talk about, you know,
• 33:21
  that vulnerability and accepting help and letting people help as
• 33:25
  a dimension of strength because sometimes I may not have needed
• 33:29
  the help, but other people needed to help me because they
• 33:34
  needed to hear me. And I think when we reframe it,
• 33:37
  you know, as it's also, you know, it, it is, it does take
• 33:41
  strength to do something that might be uncomfortable for
• 33:45
  someone else's benefit, right? You know, that it, it makes it a
• 33:49
  little easier to, you know, initially, you know, adopt that
• 33:53
  habit that has felt so uncomfortable for most of our
• 33:56
  lives. And I I will say, you know, so
• 33:58
  the first time, you know, when the accident happened and I
• 34:01
  wasn't used to accepting help or, or sharing my, you know, my
• 34:05
  cracks when people would send me flowers and bring me dinners, I
• 34:10
  was so embarrassed, Melissa. I was like, I don't need this.
• 34:15
  My kids don't need your help. This is not who I am.
• 34:18
  In fact, I was, you know, I say it was like a debt in my lunch
• 34:20
  or I was telling the kids like write down, we sent the flowers
• 34:23
  like and said thank yous later. And you know that they they
• 34:28
  weren't expecting think uses. And then so three years after
• 34:32
  that, a few years after that, my parents died and dad and three
• 34:37
  weeks later my mom and again, very another very traumatic and
• 34:42
  people were sending her flowers and buying me dinners.
• 34:47
  And I could just appreciate it. I could just appreciate the
• 34:51
  kindness, felt so good and it helped so much because I was
• 34:58
  able to accept it. Yeah, you were able to receive
• 35:00
  it with the love that it was intended.
• 35:04
  But yeah, I think we're so like, and so many times too, when
• 35:08
  we're the ones that are used to being the ones that show up at
• 35:11
  the door with the meal and the flowers.
• 35:14
  But we're very uncomfortable being on the other side of it.
• 35:17
  Yet we're automatically thinking of how we've got to repay them
• 35:20
  later when that's not why they did it.
• 35:22
  This is they're not looking for reciprocity.
• 35:25
  They just want to find a way to show up and support you.
• 35:30
  And this is what connected with them that they thought you might
• 35:33
  need. And so, yeah, that ability to
• 35:35
  receive that with the intention behind it is such a gift and and
• 35:40
  such a yeah. And such a great, yeah,
• 35:45
  absolutely. So good.
• 35:46
  All right. And this really goes nicely into
• 35:48
  living out of your own expectations versus others
• 35:52
  expectations. And you said earlier, when
• 35:55
  people reach you on the street, they have no idea that you were
• 35:59
  ran over multiple times with a, with a long term brain injury.
• 36:04
  That's not something that that they.
• 36:08
  You know, there are, there were many, I didn't break bones, but
• 36:11
  I, you know, I couldn't walk, I couldn't see.
• 36:13
  I, you know, I nerve, I mean tons and tons of issues.
• 36:17
  I was raw like a burn patient. I nerve damage, you know, like
• 36:20
  lots of issues but nothing but nothing was broken.
• 36:25
  Interesting. Thank you for reframing that
• 36:27
  because I think too, I mean, that makes sense if you think
• 36:30
  about if it's being hit that many times, the pavement just
• 36:32
  takes your skin off. I mean, so yeah, really I just
• 36:36
  within now that so going back to so I would imagine you were
• 36:42
  hospitalized for a long, long time.
• 36:45
  No, no surprise. Again, I know so I because
• 36:52
  nothing was broken look and and my body was raw like a bird
• 36:55
  patient. You know it nerve, dammit.
• 36:57
  I had to get a stent put in my eye.
• 36:59
  You know, my face was all cut up.
• 37:01
  I mean, there were a lot of issues, but because nothing was
• 37:05
  broken, they never moved me from the ER to admitting me into the
• 37:09
  hospital. So I was, I was home in 24 hours
• 37:14
  and you know, I was home and I say nothing was broken, but I
• 37:19
  was completely broken. You know, I, I couldn't do
• 37:21
  anything. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't
• 37:23
  walk. I, I mean, I couldn't, you know,
• 37:27
  I was unrecognizable. You know, I was in very, very
• 37:31
  bad shape. And, you know, one of the
• 37:34
  complexities for me is I went home and not only there was all
• 37:37
  this physical, you know, damage and, you know, I had the
• 37:40
  traumatic brain injury and I couldn't think anymore.
• 37:44
  But I also wondered if the accident was real because how
• 37:48
  could I be run over by a car, you know, three times?
• 37:51
  And how could the car run over my head and neck and I'm back at
• 37:55
  home, You know, do I deserve help?
• 37:59
  You know, I'm sure that a week after the accident, I, I call it
• 38:04
  my favorite accident picture because we could see the bruises
• 38:09
  from the tire marks on my neck. And I remember I was so excited
• 38:14
  I met when we saw that because I was like, I didn't make it up.
• 38:17
  I knew it. My husband watched it happen, so
• 38:20
  we knew it happened. I didn't know, but it just also
• 38:24
  didn't seem real. Wow, wow.
• 38:27
  And so within that, I think kind of moving forward in that of, of
• 38:32
  living out of your own expectations versus others.
• 38:35
  I mean, I've, I set an example, I automatically expected you
• 38:39
  must have been in the hospital for weeks, but no, wait a
• 38:42
  minute. And so just that that kind of
• 38:46
  not meaning to, but that kind of assumption we put on things
• 38:49
  about what they're a people are able to do versus not do, how
• 38:53
  people are able to live versus not live, the decisions that we
• 38:57
  want to make, the things we want to be part of.
• 39:00
  Talk to me, how about how that kind of shifted your
• 39:02
  expectations journey as you moved through this and
• 39:06
  communicating that to other people?
• 39:09
  Well, I'll tell you. You know, my first expectation
• 39:12
  was that if I didn't need to stay in the hospital, I'd be
• 39:15
  back to work in a couple of days.
• 39:19
  Actually this happened on a Monday and I told my husband to
• 39:21
  text my boss that I'll be back to work on.
• 39:24
  Thursday, I just want to you like, I don't think so.
• 39:30
  Everybody else knew that I wasn't going back to work
• 39:33
  anytime soon, but you know why? But when I did actually go back
• 39:38
  to work, I, you know, I thought that I would go back to work
• 39:41
  with all this new insight about sharing and, you know, trying to
• 39:46
  be this more vulnerable person. But I went back to work and I
• 39:51
  forgot all of that. And I started assuming that
• 39:55
  everyone expected me to be the person that I was, and I wasn't
• 39:59
  that person anymore. And what was an open world is
• 40:03
  nobody. Nobody thought I was less than.
• 40:07
  You know, so I couldn't cross a New York City street for lunch.
• 40:10
  They brought me lunch. Yeah, like.
• 40:13
  I, I, I assumed my expectation was that if I wasn't the, the
• 40:18
  old me that I was less than, oh wow.
• 40:21
  And that was a journey that, you know, where I had to learn to be
• 40:24
  kind to myself and to reframe, OK, maybe I can't juggle 100
• 40:30
  things like I used to because of this, you know, traumatic brain
• 40:33
  injury. But I can, you know, do one or
• 40:36
  two things more meaningfully. I can get more immersed and, you
• 40:40
  know, that can, you know, and that's got benefits.
• 40:43
  But that that was not only reframing, that was being kind
• 40:47
  to myself. We struggle with that anyway.
• 40:52
  And then to be faced with it so directly with this shift, but
• 40:57
  that that kind of preconceived notion we carry around, we treat
• 41:00
  these thoughts as truth instead of actually unpacking whether
• 41:05
  it's truth and actually feeling comfortable and communicating
• 41:10
  where we actually are. The other expectation that I,
• 41:16
  you know, I'd love to, to share with your, your audience is
• 41:19
  that, you know, I think I had, I think many of us have an
• 41:23
  expectation of how other people will show up in our times of.
• 41:27
  And something that I want was that, you know, look, we don't
• 41:32
  know. We don't know the things that
• 41:34
  people have gone through. And I realized that I in my, you
• 41:40
  know, deformed post accident state was a trigger for other
• 41:44
  people. Not everybody knows how to deal
• 41:46
  with my behalf. And that isn't a failing of
• 41:49
  friendship or a failing of them as a person.
• 41:52
  You know, that is their, you know, in their journey.
• 41:55
  They can't deal with my trauma. And I had to, you know, and I
• 42:00
  made the decision to not, you know, kind of discount all the
• 42:05
  memories I had with that person because they didn't show up in
• 42:08
  this one moment. You know, I, I started, I
• 42:11
  believe that, you know, for whatever reasons, you know, they
• 42:15
  can't handle this moment. But that's OK.
• 42:18
  You know, we could have still had many, many good times over
• 42:21
  the years. Yeah, I love that.
• 42:23
  That shows. But I think when you were able
• 42:25
  to start showing empathy and sympathy towards yourself, it
• 42:28
  opens the door to also show it to others because you hit on
• 42:33
  something so important. So many times we will take
• 42:36
  things, oh, they must not have liked me as much as I thought or
• 42:39
  they must not have been as loyal or whatever when so many times,
• 42:43
  most of the time it's about their own journeys, their own
• 42:46
  work that they have or haven't done that's impacting their
• 42:50
  ability has nothing to do with you personally, but this thing
• 42:55
  that you're coping with. They have not walked out what
• 42:59
  they needed to in their life to enable them to be able to show
• 43:02
  up in a way that's not harmful to their health in doing so, if
• 43:07
  that makes sense. But the but we don't stop.
• 43:10
  I think you talked about earlier, instead of doing all
• 43:13
  these things at once, it gave you the ability to really hone
• 43:16
  in on one or two and there's a real gift and being able to be
• 43:19
  present in moments and being present in things because I
• 43:24
  think we miss a lot of things. Again, another thing that we
• 43:28
  really pride ourselves on as women is balancing all the balls
• 43:31
  and juggling all the things and, you know, wearing it like a
• 43:34
  badge of honor, like I've said a couple times already.
• 43:37
  But we do. And but we miss those moments of
• 43:40
  presence and being really intentional within those areas.
• 43:44
  And so without you asking for it to you, it also, I think within
• 43:49
  that, when you're allowed to be present, when you're allowed to
• 43:52
  be, to really narrow things down a little bit or more, it makes
• 43:56
  room for this other understanding, this empathy,
• 44:00
  this recognition of not about me, but about their journey and
• 44:06
  being able to give them that space and, and benefit of the
• 44:09
  doubt. You know, in so many times when
• 44:12
  we missed the opportunity to do that.
• 44:14
  Thank you so much for. And what did you get to a point?
• 44:17
  Because I would imagine, you know, going back to a job and
• 44:23
  it's, it's natural for you to think, well, it's my job.
• 44:26
  They're going to expect me to show up like I've always shown
• 44:29
  up. Where, when were you able to
• 44:31
  kind of crossover that sphere and realize it was OK to be who
• 44:36
  you were now? Well.
• 44:38
  You know, it's, it's interesting in some ways.
• 44:40
  I had no choice. I mean, there were there were
• 44:43
  the outward things like not being able to cross the street
• 44:46
  or being so tired I needed to nap in the middle of the day.
• 44:49
  Yeah, there were more things from a mental perspective, I
• 44:55
  could not, you know, as I mentioned, juggle things the way
• 44:57
  I used to. And I, my mom was essentially to
• 45:01
  be a complex problem solver. Oh, wow.
• 45:03
  And I thought, wow, you know, I how am I ever going to be
• 45:09
  effective? You know, am I or am I ever.
• 45:12
  I know I went back to the job, but I didn't really know if I
• 45:15
  was ever going to be good again. Yeah.
• 45:18
  And something really interesting happened is as I started to
• 45:22
  bring, you know, my new self, you know, just changed person,
• 45:29
  there were attributes like the vulnerability and my ability to
• 45:32
  focus that actually ended up making me more successful.
• 45:38
  Wow. Yeah.
• 45:40
  I know. Which which was a very, very big
• 45:42
  surprise. You know, I thought I was going
• 45:44
  to be, you know, in my own mind, I was going to be less than.
• 45:47
  Yeah. I never.
• 45:48
  I didn't. I didn't even think the
• 45:50
  possibility was that I could be more effective as a problem
• 45:54
  solver and doing these complex things with this brain.
• 45:59
  But because of the vulnerability, because of my
• 46:02
  reframing, because of the relationships and the
• 46:04
  foundations and the focus I could give.
• 46:08
  And that should be able to, you know, to to drive a little bit,
• 46:12
  you know, further, you know, in my in my outcomes, I guess.
• 46:17
  Wow. Yeah.
• 46:19
  That's. Because I think it's a good
• 46:21
  reminder of if you pride yourself on juggling all the
• 46:25
  things, but you're finding yourself feeling pulled in a lot
• 46:29
  of different directions. You don't, You know, my hope in
• 46:33
  doing this work, and I think for you, the way you've helped
• 46:36
  people reframe their circumstances is that we don't
• 46:41
  have to have a major life event or tragedy happen to move us
• 46:46
  into this direction that they can, you can take this
• 46:49
  information. I'm like, you know what, I'm
• 46:50
  going to act on this Now. This has brought up some things
• 46:53
  in me today that maybe if I am a little more present and I don't
• 46:56
  take so much pride in balancing all the balls, then maybe if I,
• 46:59
  you know, outsource some of the balls or see if some of the
• 47:03
  balls are maybe out of alignment, not really in
• 47:06
  alignment of how I need to be spending my energy to be
• 47:08
  effective here anymore, that maybe I can dial this in.
• 47:12
  I think it's a good reminder that more is not always better.
• 47:16
  And, and I and I think that we live in such a more, more, more
• 47:21
  fast, fast, fast society that we don't, that's not our natural
• 47:26
  inclination because of that to go there.
• 47:30
  But I think this is a great example of what can happen if
• 47:33
  you were forced by circumstances.
• 47:34
  But ladies listening today, you don't have to be forced by
• 47:38
  circumstances. Think about this.
• 47:40
  And, and because there's a lot to be said about presence and
• 47:43
  intentionality and giving yourself space to grow and
• 47:47
  change and, and take a look at things and are they out of
• 47:50
  alignment? That's why I use this framework
• 47:53
  to help you do that, to look at your expectations and look at
• 47:57
  your boundaries and look at your values and look at how you're
• 48:00
  caring for yourself and is this in alignment with who you are
• 48:05
  and and and not and not buying the false narrative that more is
• 48:10
  necessary and always better. Yeah, we, we own our story.
• 48:16
  You know our narrative. What I think to this had to
• 48:20
  probably really you have to really like carefully manage
• 48:23
  your energy too in terms of what you can give to each thing still
• 48:27
  wanting to be fully present and all the spaces in your life.
• 48:31
  So I would imagine that is a big part of it too.
• 48:36
  Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's not, it's
• 48:37
  where our conversation started, you know?
• 48:39
  Yeah. Boundary.
• 48:41
  Priorities. You know what, For me, it's what
• 48:43
  brings me joy. I will put more effort into and
• 48:46
  it causes anxiety to figure out how do I get rid of it.
• 48:49
  Yeah, absolutely. Well, and this really goes
• 48:52
  nicely into this whole conversation is really poured
• 48:54
  into this aspect, but accepting the layered aspects of
• 48:58
  ourselves, you've made a choice to accept your layers.
• 49:04
  And, and I think sometimes we get the idea that by accepting
• 49:07
  our layers, that means we have to love all the pieces and parts
• 49:10
  of our story and our life and our choices.
• 49:12
  And that is not true. But there is a place where we
• 49:16
  need to acknowledge them, process the hurt and the trauma
• 49:21
  that may have come from some of these things and then move
• 49:23
  forward from where we are with like you've taken this
• 49:27
  unbreakable attitude, but also you've allowed yourself the
• 49:31
  space and time to heal and move forward from the trauma, from
• 49:36
  the difficulties, different challenges that it's brought up
• 49:39
  for you. You had to kind of meet yourself
• 49:41
  where you were and and redefine how this was going to look in
• 49:45
  the different aspects of your life.
• 49:47
  But that is, it starts with embracing those layers.
• 49:51
  And I and I, it's something I talk about almost every episode
• 49:54
  because it's been so key in my journey.
• 49:58
  And I think that it's very much applies to you as well as being
• 50:01
  curious rather than judgmental and, and opening that door
• 50:06
  because curiosity allows for the empathy, allows for the
• 50:11
  sympathetic response to yourselves and to others.
• 50:14
  It invites that in. It takes away the judgment and
• 50:18
  narratives and assumptions and makes room for huh, OK, so this
• 50:24
  is where this was based on this situation.
• 50:27
  Yeah, it makes sense that I did that.
• 50:29
  I don't have to love it. I don't have to love that this
• 50:32
  woman decided to moan me over five times.
• 50:37
  Of course, I don't want that to happen again, but also it did.
• 50:41
  So I have a choice now of how I'm going to move forward from
• 50:45
  that and not let and give that day the power to be a dark cloud
• 50:51
  over my life. And that really is just so
• 50:55
  you're just how you've approached this.
• 50:57
  You have defined embracing layers.
• 51:01
  But say, tell me about how you feel about that, if you feel
• 51:05
  like that's something you can connect to.
• 51:08
  Absolutely. I mean, you know, I, I in, I
• 51:11
  call it the Crocs like the consumer, all about like whether
• 51:16
  you call it layers or cracks, it's our journey.
• 51:19
  Yeah. And, you know, maybe not every
• 51:21
  moment of our journey was happy. We don't need to pretend it was
• 51:25
  right. But it's still our journey.
• 51:27
  And at this moment, the person that we are, you know, we can,
• 51:32
  we can decide how we're going to think about and frame our
• 51:38
  journey, you know, and if they're really tough things that
• 51:42
  for some reason need to stay in your narrative, how do you find,
• 51:47
  you know, what? How did you grow from it?
• 51:50
  You know, is there strength you can take from it, but you can't
• 51:54
  change your journey. No.
• 51:56
  Your journey happened, yeah. And I think that knowing and
• 52:01
  believing and hopefully you did the best you could at the moment
• 52:05
  with the information. Yeah, I have this, actually.
• 52:09
  I have this tattoo. It's Ichigo Ichi.
• 52:11
  It's from the Japanese tea ceremonies.
• 52:14
  And it's 1 moment, you know, one time, the people we are at this
• 52:19
  moment, we will never be again. So let's be present.
• 52:24
  And it's also an acknowledgement that that what I know at this
• 52:27
  moment, you know, is, is what I know in this moment, you know, I
• 52:33
  like, I'm not going to have the wisdom of, you know, another
• 52:35
  three years from now when I, you know, when I, you know, when my
• 52:40
  dad was dying and he was in the hospital and I was in the middle
• 52:43
  of, of writing this book and, and I kept wanting to kind of
• 52:48
  cheer him up and give him reasons to live and to fight
• 52:51
  harder. And I thought to myself, I'm
• 52:52
  like, how am I ever going to write a book and inspire anybody
• 52:56
  if I can't inspire my dad? And then you know, when, when
• 52:59
  he, he died and I thought about like, oh, did I say everything I
• 53:03
  want to say? And I tell people, you should
• 53:04
  say everything you want to say. You know, I, I find a lot of
• 53:07
  comfort in this tattoo because you know what, at the moment I
• 53:10
  did actually say what I wanted to say.
• 53:13
  I just didn't know that I wanted to say this too.
• 53:17
  Yeah. Oh, I like that a lot.
• 53:19
  I mean, yes, because it's Hindsight's 2020 and you have a
• 53:24
  lot more information in hindsight than you did in the
• 53:27
  moment and I think we lose sight of that.
• 53:30
  And so thank you for pointing about that was really that was
• 53:33
  really helpful and really I think frames the way to look at
• 53:37
  that. And just again, going back to
• 53:39
  that presence, meeting ourselves where we are, understanding
• 53:42
  where we were then and just being, you know, I, I tell
• 53:46
  people like try to approach it with just from a neutral stance.
• 53:49
  If you're looking at this scenario, you're looking at this
• 53:52
  situation, you're looking at all of the information around you
• 53:56
  that you had at that time. You're like, oh, OK, wouldn't do
• 54:00
  it again. Wouldn't make that choice.
• 54:02
  Wish that hadn't happened. But you know, I can see how this
• 54:07
  landed here and now, you know, I'm able to move forward from
• 54:11
  that because I think too, when hard things happen to us, it's
• 54:16
  easy to be bitter and angry and, and want to like the person that
• 54:21
  caused this to pay and all that stuff.
• 54:23
  And, and I understand and I, I live with some very justice
• 54:27
  focused people in my family and I have a lot of that in myself
• 54:31
  as well. At the same time, you have to
• 54:34
  determine at some point that whether that justice comes or
• 54:39
  not in the way you've decided in your head, you've got to release
• 54:43
  that because it has a hold on you in a way that isn't going to
• 54:47
  allow you to live with the peace and contentment that you're
• 54:51
  hoping for. Was that something you had to
• 54:53
  deal with too in this journey? 100% you know, I I mean, I I was
• 54:59
  lucky in that I didn't spend a lot of time focused on the
• 55:03
  driver because I knew that was her outcomes were not something
• 55:08
  that I could control and I didn't want, I had enough to
• 55:11
  deal with, with my own negative. I didn't want to have I didn't
• 55:16
  have room in my head to even think about how how I could, you
• 55:21
  know, processing that feeling. And I actually just applied that
• 55:24
  that idea when I did see her and she didn't acknowledge the
• 55:27
  accident and she didn't show any, you know, empathy or
• 55:30
  remorse as that Maybe that's her defense mechanism.
• 55:33
  Yeah, but many other people were very, you know, angry at the
• 55:39
  driver and what happened and the carelessness and that, you know,
• 55:42
  she didn't, you know, all she got was a ticket for failure to
• 55:46
  yield to a pedestrian and lost her license for 10 days.
• 55:49
  And nothing really happened, you know.
• 55:52
  And so there were a lot of people that were, you know, and
• 55:55
  are angry at that. But you know what, you know, we
• 55:58
  all, you know, try the way we talk about it and I try to
• 56:00
  remind them is we can't control that like that only the negative
• 56:05
  energy is only holding us and bringing, bringing us down.
• 56:09
  We're not changing our outcomes unless, you know, if we want to
• 56:13
  actively go and pursue something, maybe we change an
• 56:16
  outcome. But just thinking about it, what
• 56:18
  does that do? Let's let it go.
• 56:20
  Let's focus on positive. Yeah, yeah.
• 56:24
  And this can be tricky, yeah. Because I think, you know, you
• 56:26
  have, I mean, every kind of person I think has to walk these
• 56:29
  things out in a way that is healthy and serves them.
• 56:34
  And that can be. And sometimes it means other
• 56:37
  people in your life, maybe it's theirs to pursue more for their
• 56:41
  healing journey than it is for you to pursue too.
• 56:44
  I mean, I think there's just so many ways to look at it when
• 56:48
  you're dealing with getting to that point.
• 56:51
  And you made such a good point. I have enough in my own body to
• 56:55
  focus on. I needed my, all of my energy to
• 56:59
  go there. Thank you so much for that.
• 57:03
  So much, so much good and so much.
• 57:05
  And I, I also have to commend you because I think I would have
• 57:08
  been the one of like, she needs to not be on the road.
• 57:11
  She does not need to run over anybody else again.
• 57:14
  And I, I think it's so being able to like this is what they
• 57:18
  decided we said what we said, and they decided that.
• 57:24
  So now we're not going to get stuck in that and stay in that,
• 57:29
  in that anger and frustration. We're going to move forward from
• 57:32
  here. And, and again, it's that we
• 57:35
  can't control other people's stories.
• 57:37
  We can't control other people's choices and narratives.
• 57:41
  And so I think we lose sight of that sometimes when we get honed
• 57:44
  in on something. So thank you so much for sharing
• 57:47
  that. I appreciate again, I think the
• 57:49
  way you approach layers is such a a classic great example of of
• 57:56
  what it looks like to do that. Thank you so much.
• 57:58
  All right, we talked about this a little bit earlier, but in the
• 58:02
  real, especially when it comes to relationships when we were
• 58:05
  talking about the unapologetic piece.
• 58:07
  But I want to revisit it a little bit here and living out
• 58:10
  feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers which you have
• 58:14
  laid out beautifully for us. Talk to me about the impact or
• 58:18
  maybe highlight go back to a little bit what we were talking
• 58:21
  about earlier, the impact that has had on your relationship
• 58:23
  with yourself as well as your relationship with other people.
• 58:29
  So, you know, for for myself, I think just just learning to be
• 58:34
  kind kinder to myself. And, you know, I don't want to
• 58:38
  say that I set a great example or, you know, anything like
• 58:41
  that, but I think that when I do that, I give people space to do
• 58:47
  it for them to them, you know, in their own life.
• 58:50
  And so that's, you know, I think that's that's been a really good
• 58:53
  thing. And and, you know, that was that
• 58:54
  was a journey. You know, that's not something I
• 58:57
  thought about doing. In fact, even the focus on it is
• 59:01
  and talking about it with you is something that's, you know,
• 59:04
  evolved over my talks because that's what was resonating with
• 59:08
  people. And I didn't realize it as much.
• 59:11
  You know, it was I, I talked about it, but people needed to
• 59:15
  hear it and they, they wanted to talk more about it.
• 59:18
  And so, you know, I've realized how important.
• 59:21
  That is. And then the other thing, and
• 59:28
  I'm sorry, I've lost. My trade that's OK.
• 59:31
  The impact it's had on your relationships with other.
• 59:33
  People, thank you. And then so the the other thing
• 59:37
  that is, is really done in terms of impact and, and this is
• 59:40
  actually I'll, I'll share a comment that somebody made to me
• 59:43
  about a year after the accident. And again, you know, as I
• 59:46
  mentioned to you, I like to juggle it all and make it look
• 59:50
  easy, you know, work out every day and get dressed and, you
• 59:53
  know, pick up and drop off and go to work and kind of, you
• 59:56
  know, have lovely kids. And, you know, it seemed like it
• 59:59
  looked too easy. I mean, it wasn't easy.
• 1:00:02
  I was like crazy all the time. But yeah.
• 1:00:04
  But you know, I, I built, I guess there was this facade that
• 1:00:08
  I, you know, it was all perfect, but it.
• 1:00:11
  And somebody said to me, you know, you were a really
• 1:00:13
  unsympathetic character. And, you know, and I didn't
• 1:00:19
  realize that just. By having, you know, and I mean,
• 1:00:24
  I was, you know, it's nice enough, you know, but just
• 1:00:28
  having that, you know, people only saw, you know, the, the
• 1:00:32
  facade, you know, if I didn't know someone and I couldn't
• 1:00:35
  share my story and they and I realized how much more, you
• 1:00:40
  know, rewarding my relationships are once I started to share and
• 1:00:46
  they shared back and that doesn't happen.
• 1:00:49
  I mean, I was still that's, you know, person, you know, that a
• 1:00:54
  drop off and pick up. But now I was more vulnerable.
• 1:00:59
  Really changed the dynamic of my relationships.
• 1:01:02
  Wow, thank you so much for that. Oh, that's so good.
• 1:01:04
  Thank you so much. All right, well, we are down to
• 1:01:07
  the end here. The rapid fire, as I, I like to
• 1:01:10
  call it. Name 5 activities that nourish
• 1:01:14
  you. Brunch with my family, you know,
• 1:01:21
  coffee with my son, you know, he loves to he I have 3 kids, you
• 1:01:26
  know, one of the the kids just loves to sit and and have a cup
• 1:01:29
  of coffee and talk. And he says that he learnt over
• 1:01:32
  the years to you know, coffee is a moment to be present but your
• 1:01:36
  funny way. So you know, I love that, you
• 1:01:39
  know, I think getting a text or texting someone that I don't
• 1:01:43
  talk to every day, you know, that's really important to me.
• 1:01:48
  You know I have 6 animals, 4 cats and two dogs so I have a
• 1:01:54
  joy every morning waking up to just fluff.
• 1:01:59
  I love that big soft fluff balls everywhere.
• 1:02:04
  Oh. My gosh, those little things,
• 1:02:07
  they're all just filled with love.
• 1:02:08
  And so that's what you know, that's what nourishes me.
• 1:02:11
  And like, you know, and this is going to sound strange because I
• 1:02:14
  can't predict this, but like, even when I'm taking a walk or I
• 1:02:16
  go, you know, whether I get a coffee or go to the store, like
• 1:02:20
  random smiles from strangers, you know, that just show warmth.
• 1:02:24
  Like, you know, like when you're both trying to like, figure out
• 1:02:26
  who holds the door open and you both laugh because you're both
• 1:02:29
  trying to be so polite. Like those small moments, they
• 1:02:32
  do nourish me. I love that.
• 1:02:34
  Yeah, yeah, it really is those little things.
• 1:02:39
  And we subtypes focus so much on the big things, but it really is
• 1:02:42
  those little things that make up a day in a life that bring us
• 1:02:45
  those moments of joy. I'm.
• 1:02:47
  I love that. Thank you so much for that.
• 1:02:49
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 1:02:53
  months. So always joy, I think, you
• 1:02:59
  know, pride that I've been doing good work and sharing.
• 1:03:05
  You know, I like to feel accomplished, that I have used
• 1:03:10
  every moment of my day, you know, never the opposite of
• 1:03:13
  lazy, I guess. And, you know, just
• 1:03:21
  appreciative. Oh yeah, I think, I think
• 1:03:25
  appreciative probably has to have a whole new meaning for you
• 1:03:27
  now in in all that you've been through.
• 1:03:30
  But I want to go back to what you said before that I think how
• 1:03:34
  you approach your days when you're doing things that are in
• 1:03:38
  alignment with you and and line up with who you are as a person,
• 1:03:43
  it feels less like work and more like living a life.
• 1:03:46
  And I think that has a lot to do with those moments that we feel
• 1:03:50
  because they're not all draininess and taking all of our
• 1:03:53
  energy all the time because we're, and I think I feel like
• 1:03:56
  you've really aligned your life in that way.
• 1:04:00
  I try. You know, I actually was having
• 1:04:02
  a conversation with somebody about burnout and I said, you
• 1:04:05
  know, burnout. I in my perspective, burnout
• 1:04:08
  isn't necessarily about the workload.
• 1:04:13
  You know, it's, it's the feeling that you're running uphill in
• 1:04:17
  stilettos and not getting to where you want to go because you
• 1:04:21
  don't have the connections to share the journey, to share the
• 1:04:24
  victories and the milestones. So you don't feel like you're
• 1:04:27
  making progress because you're so lonely?
• 1:04:30
  Oh, that's really good. Oh, that's a great way to wrap
• 1:04:34
  this up. That's a really, really
• 1:04:36
  interesting, I think way to sit with that and think about that.
• 1:04:39
  Thank you for that. OK, tell people and this will
• 1:04:42
  all be on our website at embracinglayers.com on the
• 1:04:46
  resources page, but also share with our listeners right now how
• 1:04:51
  they can find your book, how they can book you as a speaker,
• 1:04:55
  all the places follow you all that.
• 1:04:58
  All right, so you can find me at nassimrochette.com and you can
• 1:05:02
  find my book, The Unexpected Benefits of being run over on
• 1:05:07
  Amazon where you can, you know, buy a paperback or a Kindle or
• 1:05:11
  the Audible, which is me reading the story, telling the story.
• 1:05:16
  And that's, that's really where you find me.
• 1:05:17
  I not a huge on social yet. I'm trying so but nasty
• 1:05:22
  rochette.com or you know, Amazon or wherever books you're sold.
• 1:05:26
  OK, sounds great. I've loved the title of that
• 1:05:28
  book so much. That's that was brilliant
• 1:05:31
  because that people are like perking up like what?
• 1:05:33
  OK, I got to know more about this.
• 1:05:35
  Oh my gosh, Missy, thank you so much for being with me today.
• 1:05:39
  Thank you for how you show up in the world.
• 1:05:42
  I think it's a real gift. I think that this what you're
• 1:05:46
  doing now is is helping probably more people than you realize and
• 1:05:50
  not to mention the benefits for you.
• 1:05:52
  And I think it's just again, it's such a good reminder that
• 1:05:56
  we have choices. It doesn't mean the choices are
• 1:05:58
  easy. It doesn't mean we're not making
• 1:06:01
  them out out of from coming from a really hard place when you
• 1:06:05
  have something really unexpectedly difficult happen.
• 1:06:08
  But there are choices within that and there's a both and to
• 1:06:12
  this process of yes, I need to process, move through, make sure
• 1:06:17
  I'm not stuffing. And also I'm can move forward
• 1:06:21
  from this and looking for the opportunities that it has
• 1:06:25
  presented me and not stay stuck in the trauma, the tragedy
• 1:06:30
  itself. And you've laid that out so
• 1:06:32
  beautifully today and share that now with the world.
• 1:06:35
  And that to me is just a good prime example of showing up
• 1:06:38
  unapologetically for yourself and for others.
• 1:06:41
  So, so thank you so much for sharing yourself.
• 1:06:44
  And, and ladies, as you're listening today, think about
• 1:06:46
  that. Think about those things in your
• 1:06:48
  life that you have choices around.
• 1:06:50
  If you've had something difficult happen, We all have
• 1:06:54
  difficult things in difficult ways.
• 1:06:56
  And that you can. Is there a way?
• 1:06:58
  Do you have an unbreakable say that you can make your
• 1:07:03
  celebration? Because I think what we can
• 1:07:06
  learn too is we can celebrate and also honor the difficulty of
• 1:07:12
  it at the same time. We're nuanced and we can hold
• 1:07:16
  all of those emotions, but don't miss the opportunity to
• 1:07:20
  celebrate the wins and the opportunities to move forward
• 1:07:25
  within that. So Naseem, again, thank you so
• 1:07:29
  much. Appreciate AJ introducing us and
• 1:07:32
  and how he shows up on the world and his work and bringing me
• 1:07:35
  these wonderful people like you. Take good care of yourself this
• 1:07:39
  week, ladies. Be kind to yourselves, be
• 1:07:42
  empathetic, give yourselves a break, maybe give some other
• 1:07:46
  people a break around you as well and have a great week.
• 1:07:52
  Hello, Melissa Crook here. Thank you so much for joining us
• 1:07:56
  on the field podcast today. Finding empowerment, Embracing
• 1:08:00
  Layers. I hope you found today's
• 1:08:03
  framework and resources supportive and informative.
• 1:08:07
  To learn more about all that we offer here at the Embracing
• 1:08:10
  Layers Network, visit embracinglayers.com.
• 1:08:14
  You can go to our contact form to schedule me as a speaker for
• 1:08:19
  your next conference, workshop, or seminar.
• 1:08:22
  You can go to our book page to order our book, The Jessica
• 1:08:25
  Garrison, our wonderful and talented writer and author,
• 1:08:29
  authored with my support and engage with this framework in
• 1:08:34
  written form, with your journal, or in a book club with other
• 1:08:37
  women inviting them on this journey with you.
• 1:08:40
  You can look at our resources page for all of the helpful and
• 1:08:44
  insightful resources our guests offer and share.
• 1:08:48
  You can find the schedule for our weekly Together we feel
• 1:08:51
  women's panel conversations that we're holding each Monday on our
• 1:08:55
  YouTube channel and you can find the links to all the spaces and
• 1:08:59
  places. You can then follow engage with
• 1:09:02
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• 1:09:07
  on our sub stat site. There is also a donation page
• 1:09:11
  where you can donate to support our work to ensure we can
• 1:09:14
  continue to bring you these incredible guests,
• 1:09:18
  conversations, and support. Thanks again for joining me this
• 1:09:22
  week. Share with your friends and give
• 1:09:24
  us a review on your favorite listening platform.
• 1:09:27
  Your feedback helps us ensure we're bringing you the content
• 1:09:31
  that will best support you and having an empowered Embracing
• 1:09:35
  Layers journey. Take good care and thanks for
• 1:09:39
  giving us some of your valuable time today.
• 1:09:41
  We truly appreciate you so. Deeply finding our men,
• 1:09:49
  embracing layers. Yeah, we get to.
• 1:09:53
  We get to feel.