Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / I had brain surgery 🏥🧠❤️‍🩹 the hardest 24 hours of my life

Transcript

I had brain surgery 🏥🧠❤️‍🩹 the hardest 24 hours of my life · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogae production.
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Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
0:13
Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
0:16
Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
0:19
Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
0:25
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
0:28
Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
0:31
Speaker 3: up together.
0:32
Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
0:34
Speaker 1: lessons to Grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
0:37
Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander.
0:43
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to Grow and Glow. I had
0:46
Speaker 1: my brain surgery finally, so stoked to be out the
0:50
Speaker 1: other side of it. Now, before we get started on
0:53
Speaker 1: this episode, what's your share of the week?
0:58
Speaker 3: My share of the week. I feel like you're probably
1:00
Speaker 3: going to share it too, because I saw you're also
1:02
Speaker 3: watching the same thing. The Inspired and I were laughing
1:07
Speaker 3: like you, Like we were literally cackling.
1:10
Speaker 1: Why are they so funny?
1:11
Speaker 3: They are so funny? So it's on Paramount Plus or
1:14
Speaker 3: Apple well Apple, Oh my goodness, but this season's way
1:17
Speaker 3: better than the first one. I feel like you yeah,
1:19
Speaker 3: I feel like the first one they were just kind
1:21
Speaker 3: of getting started and this one has just been watching.
1:24
Speaker 3: Both worth watching, but this one's been like next level
1:27
Speaker 3: funny and they're acting like they're not laughing and keeping
1:30
Speaker 3: the straight faces. I'm like, they're so.
1:32
Speaker 1: Good if you want a belly laugh or just like
1:34
Speaker 1: a fun show for you on your partner.
1:35
Speaker 3: It's best, honestly, Like even some bits and pieces like
1:39
Speaker 3: we showed the kids that were appropriate for them and
1:41
Speaker 3: they thought it was so funny, like when they knew
1:43
Speaker 3: what was going on. Oh, it's just absolutely.
1:46
Speaker 1: There's another one on YouTube called Misfit Minds, but they're
1:49
Speaker 1: just not as funny, and I feel like they're really
1:52
Speaker 1: funny at the start and now I'm like, ah, like giggle,
1:54
Speaker 1: but this one was like full high oh gosh.
1:56
Speaker 3: And I think too because they're Aussie, like they've got
1:58
Speaker 3: our sense of humor. So when you watch, like you
2:00
Speaker 3: just it's.
2:01
Speaker 1: Just classic classics. Such a good one. My Share of
2:05
Speaker 1: the Week was just something that I listened to and
2:08
Speaker 1: it was like, sometimes we can catch ourselves complaining about
2:12
Speaker 1: things that we have in our current life, but if
2:14
Speaker 1: you're rewind a year ago or five years ago, like
2:16
Speaker 1: your past self would have dreamt to be where you
2:18
Speaker 1: are right now and just would have been so stoked
2:22
Speaker 1: and so lucky to have the opportionites that you have
2:24
Speaker 1: to have, the life style that you have, the people
2:25
Speaker 1: around you that have like and yes, things can still
2:28
Speaker 1: annoy you and you cannot enjoy every moment. That's totally
2:30
Speaker 1: a part of life. But I caught myself the other
2:32
Speaker 1: day just like I was complaining about something and I
2:34
Speaker 1: was like, uh uh, we're not going there because past
2:37
Speaker 1: as she would have loved this to be a problem,
2:40
Speaker 1: Like this is a good problem to have, So true,
2:43
Speaker 1: So just catch yourself and be like, hang on, And
2:46
Speaker 1: I think it can just help you get out of victim,
2:48
Speaker 1: get out of focusing what you don't have, and put
2:50
Speaker 1: yourself in a higher state to be grateful for what
2:52
Speaker 1: you do have and the life that you've created. And
2:54
Speaker 1: if you're not, also your past decisions have landed you
2:58
Speaker 1: where you are now. If you don't want this to
3:00
Speaker 1: be your life, then you have to change. You have
3:02
Speaker 1: to create the change, be the change, make different choices.
3:05
Speaker 1: That's up to you.
3:07
Speaker 3: So that's a really cool way to think about it.
3:08
Speaker 3: I love that what would have passed me thought about
3:11
Speaker 3: this problem.
3:11
Speaker 1: Be stoked. Yeah, past me would have been so stoked.
3:14
Speaker 1: We're going through it with Hideaway at the moment, like
3:15
Speaker 1: Hideaway's just doing so so well, like absolutely popping off.
3:19
Speaker 1: It's the most successful we've been in our whole time
3:21
Speaker 1: of hard haidway, which is really cool because it's worked
3:23
Speaker 1: really hard. But we just cannot keep up with the orders.
3:26
Speaker 1: And the first problem was we had a shipment delay
3:28
Speaker 1: in the actual perfume bottles and a lot of our packaging.
3:31
Speaker 1: So it's like that's totally out of our hands. Now
3:34
Speaker 1: we've got them. It's just like we're actually hiring more stuff,
3:36
Speaker 1: they're working longer hours, they're doing weekend work, Like we
3:38
Speaker 1: just can't kick up. Was it's so busy, Yeah, Steve
3:41
Speaker 1: sometimes like, oh, that's really stress because obviously you don't
3:43
Speaker 1: want our customs being upset. But I said to him, Babe,
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Speaker 1: this is a great problem to have, Like, Yeah, how
3:47
Speaker 1: amazing all this hard work that you've put in over
3:49
Speaker 1: the years, all the times where it's been so fucking hard,
3:52
Speaker 1: where we've had the dips and business, because that is
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Speaker 1: normal as well, that you've tried to navigate things, things
3:57
Speaker 1: have gone wrong, things aren't selling or whatever, like this
4:00
Speaker 1: is a good problem. You've done really well. Like past
4:02
Speaker 1: Steven past Ashley would have dreamt of being a problem.
4:04
Speaker 1: That that's the problem. You can't keep up with a
4:06
Speaker 1: lot of It's so true, you know what I mean,
4:08
Speaker 1: just changing the perspective. I love that. Yeah, So a
4:11
Speaker 1: little background story if you missed what happened earlier in
4:15
Speaker 1: the year. I lost my sight three times in a week.
4:17
Speaker 1: I went to the doctor, he sent me trag to
4:19
Speaker 1: the hospital. They did a CT scan and they found
4:21
Speaker 1: a brain aneurysm, which was the last news I ever
4:24
Speaker 1: expected to hear in my life. Although when I say
4:26
Speaker 1: that out loud, I'm like, it's not that unexpected because
4:29
Speaker 1: on my father's side of the family, we've lost so
4:32
Speaker 1: many family members not knowing they had one, and then
4:34
Speaker 1: we have family members have them and it have them
4:36
Speaker 1: being monitored. But just because Steve's had one when he
4:39
Speaker 1: was younger, I was like, oh my gosh, so found
4:41
Speaker 1: that out. Booked in a surgery date and myself up
4:44
Speaker 1: mentally prepared, went into the hospital, fasted when on blood thinners,
4:48
Speaker 1: stayed the night, went to get wheeled into surgery, got delayed,
4:51
Speaker 1: and then later that afternoon they canceled the surgery, so
4:53
Speaker 1: had to go home get a new date. I was
4:56
Speaker 1: honestly expecting it to be canceled again, so I was like,
4:59
Speaker 1: not nervous to go on for surgery, more nervous I
5:01
Speaker 1: was going to go in and be canceled. Okay, But
5:04
Speaker 1: I went there, got checked in, have my own room,
5:06
Speaker 1: which was really nice, got as much sleep as I could.
5:09
Speaker 1: I work up at two am the day of the surgery,
5:11
Speaker 1: I think, just because I knew it was coming up.
5:13
Speaker 1: And then Steven Tage came in the morning and I
5:15
Speaker 1: got to have some cuddles and they got to send
5:16
Speaker 1: me off, and then they put the canula in my arm.
5:20
Speaker 1: They'd take all my blood, just kind of prepped me
5:21
Speaker 1: with what's going on. Tell me, I'm gonna have a
5:23
Speaker 1: catho to put in. Surgeries anywhere from an hour to
5:25
Speaker 1: an hour and a half. The most common question now
5:28
Speaker 1: post surgery is like, why didn't they shave your hair?
5:31
Speaker 1: But they actually go up through my wrist, which is
5:33
Speaker 1: pretty amazing. Like I've got the tiniest little scab on
5:36
Speaker 1: my wrist.
5:36
Speaker 3: I can't believe how small it is. It's literally like tiny, tiny, just.
5:41
Speaker 1: Just incredible the technology, so they.
5:43
Speaker 3: Can do that and do such a major like thing
5:46
Speaker 3: and go all the way from there as well and
5:48
Speaker 3: make it to your brain.
5:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they can go to your heart as well,
5:50
Speaker 1: which is really cool. Yeah. So yeah, I'll take you
5:54
Speaker 1: guys through kind of the whole process because got a
5:56
Speaker 1: lot of questions, and there's also a lot of other
5:58
Speaker 1: people that have this surgery coming up, or they've found
6:00
Speaker 1: out they've got an aneurysm and they're scared and so
6:02
Speaker 1: many questions. Obviously, I am not the doctor a surgeon,
6:05
Speaker 1: so if you have any concerns with your vision or
6:08
Speaker 1: headaches or anything, there's no harm to go and get checked.
6:11
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that my doctor pushed me to go
6:13
Speaker 1: get a CTS GAIN because I just wouldn't have done it.
6:15
Speaker 1: I just would have thought it was stress and headaches
6:17
Speaker 1: or my necks out, like I was trying to think
6:19
Speaker 1: of any other reason. Yeah, So I had the surgery.
6:22
Speaker 1: Surgery went well. Steve was there when I work out,
6:24
Speaker 1: which is really nice. Got wheeled into ICU. You have
6:27
Speaker 1: to be in ICU for twenty four hours post surgery
6:30
Speaker 1: because you're not allowed to get up. You're not allowed
6:31
Speaker 1: to really move to have to monitor you every single hour,
6:34
Speaker 1: come in. If you're asleep, they have to come in
6:36
Speaker 1: to wake you up. Put bright lights in your eyes,
6:38
Speaker 1: test the strength of both of your hands, both of
6:40
Speaker 1: your feet, your leg strength. They have to touch beside
6:44
Speaker 1: your eyes, your cheeks, your shoulders, all of your body
6:47
Speaker 1: to make sure that you can feel everything, just to
6:48
Speaker 1: make sure that your brain's functioning. Basically every single hour
6:53
Speaker 1: for the whole like nearly twenty four hours that I
6:55
Speaker 1: was in ICY. I think it's in there for about
6:56
Speaker 1: twenty hours.
6:57
Speaker 3: Wow, So we rewind back a time because I know something.
7:01
Speaker 3: When I spoke to you, you were saying how you're worried,
7:03
Speaker 3: how you're going to feel before going under as well?
7:06
Speaker 3: Oh so how did you feel like the night beforehand
7:09
Speaker 3: and then the morning of like when you're getting wheeled
7:11
Speaker 3: in that process. Because I haven't even spoke to you about.
7:15
Speaker 1: Podcast. Yeah, sorry, I've kind of rushed through it. I
7:18
Speaker 1: was actually very regulated going in. I felt really centered,
7:22
Speaker 1: I felt really calm. I felt just at peace that
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Speaker 1: this is happening, and felt grateful that I get to
7:28
Speaker 1: have the surgery and that I had so much beautiful
7:31
Speaker 1: support around me from my family, from my friends. I
7:33
Speaker 1: just was in a really good place, like even the
7:34
Speaker 1: morning off I did that. You seen that coconut dance.
7:37
Speaker 1: I was like, in my surge cook Gowd, I was
7:39
Speaker 1: like dancing. I felt really good. I didn't feel the
7:42
Speaker 1: nerves or the fear that I thought I would. It
7:45
Speaker 1: was one moment, actually, so laying there. When I went
7:47
Speaker 1: downst to the surgical like room where they do the surgery,
7:50
Speaker 1: they had to like prep on my bloods and everything.
7:52
Speaker 1: The guy that was trying to insert my canula, I
7:55
Speaker 1: have never seen someone shake so much, so I stopped him.
7:58
Speaker 1: I grabbed his hand. I said, are you nervous? And
8:00
Speaker 1: he said, no, no, I've just had too much caffeine. I'm
8:02
Speaker 1: not kidding you, babe. It was like he'd had five
8:04
Speaker 1: shops coffee and he was struggling to get it in
8:07
Speaker 1: because he was shaking so much. And when he walked away,
8:10
Speaker 1: I said to that anesthetic surgeon, I was like, is
8:13
Speaker 1: that normal? Thank God he's not doing my surgery. So
8:16
Speaker 1: that moment there made me feel a little bit nervous,
8:18
Speaker 1: because then I got in my head. I was like,
8:20
Speaker 1: imagine my surgeon's having an off day. Imagine if they've
8:23
Speaker 1: had a fight with their partner. Imagine if one of
8:24
Speaker 1: their kids is sick at the moment. Imagine if they've
8:27
Speaker 1: just found out their mum's dying and they're not there
8:31
Speaker 1: like emotionally or like mentally there. Imagine if they had
8:34
Speaker 1: wines last night and they're shaky with their hands. So
8:37
Speaker 1: I started to get a little bit in my head
8:39
Speaker 1: with that, but I quickly resent it. I was like,
8:40
Speaker 1: you're safe, this is all going to be perfect. You're
8:43
Speaker 1: all good. And then I can never say the word
8:45
Speaker 1: is an anesthesiast. He came in. He still come. I'm
8:48
Speaker 1: gonna give you a little injection. He said, what's your
8:50
Speaker 1: favorite cocktail? I said, I don't drink. He's like, if
8:52
Speaker 1: you go to drink? I said, oh, sow emmereto. He's like, perfect,
8:55
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you an injection that's going to
8:57
Speaker 1: make you feel a little bit like you've had a
8:59
Speaker 1: couple of drinks. I was like, okay, cool, and it
9:01
Speaker 1: gave that to me in a minute later. I was like, oh,
9:04
Speaker 1: I know what you mean. Fun. And as he was
9:07
Speaker 1: doing that, he wheeled me in and there's probably like
9:09
Speaker 1: ten fifteen people in the room. So I'm just looking
9:12
Speaker 1: around observing. She's like, what music do you like? I said,
9:14
Speaker 1: chuck on some Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift song went on,
9:17
Speaker 1: I can't remember anything else.
9:19
Speaker 3: Wow.
9:20
Speaker 1: They didn't even do a countdown? Did you do account?
9:22
Speaker 3: No? I was out going because I always remember that,
9:24
Speaker 3: like Conden.
9:26
Speaker 1: I've had my boobs on. I remember counting he gets
9:28
Speaker 1: like a but I cannot remember. I remember listening to
9:33
Speaker 1: Taylor and I was gone, wow. Yeah, so it felt
9:37
Speaker 1: really good.
9:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, considering it's pretty nice, smooth sailing.
9:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, which made I think be a bit naive to
9:43
Speaker 1: the recovery.
9:44
Speaker 3: What did you expect the recovery to be?
9:46
Speaker 1: Like, like in your head?
9:47
Speaker 3: Had you like ask anyone about it? Obviously you had
9:51
Speaker 3: Steve a long time ago.
9:53
Speaker 1: He woke up and had to be put in a coma.
9:54
Speaker 1: He couldn't see it. His whole skull had been cut
9:57
Speaker 1: open from the top right to the bottom. Yeah, he
10:00
Speaker 1: was in hospital for like six months. He was so
10:03
Speaker 1: different to mine. So he had me, they're going to
10:05
Speaker 1: be doing these tests every hour. They had told me
10:08
Speaker 1: they'll be coming in every hour to wake me up
10:09
Speaker 1: to do them. So I expected I would have little
10:12
Speaker 1: micro naps in between when they wake me up. I
10:15
Speaker 1: would expect that'd wake me up and I'd go straight
10:17
Speaker 1: back to sleep. Yeah, I've never had a catheter, said,
10:19
Speaker 1: no idea, what was involved with that? Yeah. I just
10:22
Speaker 1: honestly thought, oh, sleep, and in between, I'll watch a
10:24
Speaker 1: TV series and stoke to get to watch TV series uninterrupted. Yeah, Like,
10:28
Speaker 1: I honestly thought that I'm going to make the most
10:30
Speaker 1: of being hospital and just chill out, watch some TV
10:32
Speaker 1: series and just maybe read it with my book. Yeah. Yeah.
10:36
Speaker 1: So it was probably the hardest twenty four hours of
10:39
Speaker 1: my life. Yeah. So when I woke up, Steve was
10:42
Speaker 1: there and I was a bit drowsy or whatever. Steve
10:45
Speaker 1: saved for a couple hours and then he needed to
10:46
Speaker 1: go home to the kids. The first thing I remember
10:49
Speaker 1: properly once I was fully awake was the neurosurgeon coming
10:52
Speaker 1: and telling me surgery went great. It's all gone to plan, however,
10:57
Speaker 1: and that's when I was like, well, Steve, with you okay,
11:01
Speaker 1: I think that really woke me up. Was like, however,
11:03
Speaker 1: He's like, we have found another one, and I was
11:05
Speaker 1: just like, oh, okay, okay, tell me about it. And
11:09
Speaker 1: he said it's very similar to the one on your
11:11
Speaker 1: right hand. Side, and he said, but you're very lucky
11:13
Speaker 1: because this happens often when there's one, we find a second,
11:15
Speaker 1: and often we find a third. There's no third, there's
11:18
Speaker 1: only a second. I was like, ha is that meant
11:20
Speaker 1: to make me feel better? Because it's not. But I
11:24
Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, And I said, do I have
11:26
Speaker 1: to do all of this again? And he's like, most likely,
11:30
Speaker 1: but we meet every Thursday to discuss everyone's cases and
11:32
Speaker 1: then we'll decide what's going to be the best for you.
11:34
Speaker 1: More than likely. It's very similar sizing. It's a more
11:37
Speaker 1: shallow aneurysm, but it's very similar. So at your age,
11:41
Speaker 1: we would want to just probably do what we can
11:43
Speaker 1: to make sure that it's not going to rupture. It
11:45
Speaker 1: was a massive shock to my system. I called Steve,
11:47
Speaker 1: and his whole face, like his whole energy. I just
11:50
Speaker 1: I felt even bad telling him. He was just like,
11:53
Speaker 1: you're kidding. Call my mom. She was just absolutely shocked.
11:57
Speaker 1: She always puts on a brave face, but I just
11:58
Speaker 1: can read my mom and I could tell she was devastated.
12:02
Speaker 1: So I kind of had to like process that. But
12:04
Speaker 1: I had a beautiful nurse during out the day. She
12:06
Speaker 1: was amazing so caring, so nurturing, so soft, so sweet.
12:11
Speaker 1: I felt really good to just cry to her if
12:12
Speaker 1: I needed to. My catheta never worked like properly. I
12:16
Speaker 1: had to like bring the tube up to drain my peas.
12:17
Speaker 1: I constantly felt this discomfort of needing to pee. But
12:20
Speaker 1: she was just really lovely. And at six pm we
12:22
Speaker 1: swopped over to another nurse and she was the biggest vibe,
12:26
Speaker 1: like just so like us, very funny, very easy going, cracking,
12:30
Speaker 1: like silly jokes, even like sexual jokes, like for example,
12:35
Speaker 1: they wanted to see how much we I had in
12:37
Speaker 1: my bladder, and like the thing that they do on
12:38
Speaker 1: your tummy, it looks like a big deal do and
12:40
Speaker 1: she picks it up and she's like, eh, what does
12:43
Speaker 1: this look like? Like that's funny, And I thought to myself,
12:46
Speaker 1: I am so grateful for these nurses. They are just beautiful,
12:49
Speaker 1: and I've got epic ones. I can do this. I
12:51
Speaker 1: can get through this night. And at eight o'clock she
12:54
Speaker 1: comes in and she's like, I'm so sorry, but I
12:56
Speaker 1: have to go to another patron that is incubated, and
12:58
Speaker 1: I'm the most experienced nurse here. You'll be having this gentleman, takeover.
13:02
Speaker 1: My stomach dropped. I just I looked at her like,
13:05
Speaker 1: please don't leave me, but he was standing there. I
13:07
Speaker 1: didn't want to be like, oh, I don't want you,
13:08
Speaker 1: but I just did not feel a connection or vibe
13:11
Speaker 1: from him straight away, And my intuition was right. He
13:13
Speaker 1: had no bed manner, no empathy. Every time you touch
13:16
Speaker 1: my catheter to drain it, it's like he was ripping it.
13:19
Speaker 1: Anyone doesn't know where the catheter is. You've basically got
13:20
Speaker 1: this like balloon and tube up your vagina to drain
13:23
Speaker 1: your pea because you know how to get up to
13:24
Speaker 1: go toilet. So every time he would pull it, he's
13:27
Speaker 1: like yanking it. And at one point I was like,
13:29
Speaker 1: can you please be a little bit more gentle. That's
13:31
Speaker 1: like yanking on my vagina. It's very uncomfortable. And yeah,
13:35
Speaker 1: at one point it was like eleven thirty. I hadn't slept.
13:38
Speaker 1: I've been up since two am, so it's getting on.
13:40
Speaker 1: I haven't slept for over twenty hours apart from when
13:43
Speaker 1: I was in surgery. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm not
13:45
Speaker 1: feeling good. I'm very uncomfortable, like I've got massive bruises
13:49
Speaker 1: on my arms where the canula were. Every time I
13:51
Speaker 1: moved that would hurt. I hadn't eaten. I just felt
13:54
Speaker 1: shit and I started to emotionally just not feel so good.
13:58
Speaker 1: So I started to cry, and I was like, can
13:59
Speaker 1: I please get this catheter out? And he's like, no,
14:01
Speaker 1: you have to have that till eight o'clock in the morning.
14:02
Speaker 1: I was like, can we do something else because I'm
14:04
Speaker 1: so comfortable and like he was like, oh, there's not
14:07
Speaker 1: much I can really do for you, and I just
14:08
Speaker 1: like burst out crying. I was like, oh, can you
14:11
Speaker 1: please leave the room, just gonna call my husband, and
14:13
Speaker 1: I called Steve and I said to him after this,
14:16
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't remember the last time. Like
14:18
Speaker 1: I cry a lot, and I allowed my feelings and
14:19
Speaker 1: emotions to come up, but I can't remember the last
14:22
Speaker 1: time I hyperventilated. It was almost felt on the verge
14:26
Speaker 1: of like a panic attack where I was just like
14:28
Speaker 1: could not get my breath back. I was crying like
14:31
Speaker 1: I can't do this, babe, Like get me out of here,
14:33
Speaker 1: Like I can't get through the rest of the night
14:34
Speaker 1: like this so uncomfortable, like everything hurts. Got a raging headache,
14:39
Speaker 1: which is normal after an aneurysm as well, and he
14:42
Speaker 1: just took some breaths with me and like just spoke
14:44
Speaker 1: to me and got me at a calm estate. So
14:47
Speaker 1: that was really nice to talk to him. And then
14:49
Speaker 1: my girlfriend Beth messaged me and I was like, are
14:51
Speaker 1: you're awake and she's like, yeah, babe, I'm in Perth.
14:53
Speaker 1: That's Perth time, give me a call. And it was
14:55
Speaker 1: just so nice to talk to her as well. She
14:57
Speaker 1: had me giggling and laughing and where her weddings in Italy,
14:59
Speaker 1: so so we're talking about that. By that time. It
15:02
Speaker 1: must have been like one thirty in the morning, and
15:04
Speaker 1: I was like when I hung up from her, I
15:05
Speaker 1: was like, okay, talking to myself and like, you've made
15:07
Speaker 1: it through the first half the night. This sounds really dramatic,
15:09
Speaker 1: but when you're in it, not sleeping for over twenty
15:13
Speaker 1: four hour period, feel like you're going crazy. It's actual torture. Yeah.
15:16
Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping for like
15:18
Speaker 1: probably another twelve even twenty four hours more because it's
15:22
Speaker 1: just so hard chutting on you kept checking on you,
15:24
Speaker 1: it's noisy, it's uncomfortable. Also, you're on this inflatable mattress,
15:28
Speaker 1: So it's only in the ICU. Every three to five minutes,
15:32
Speaker 1: your mattress to flats and then it inflates again, so it.
15:35
Speaker 3: Goes keep the blood pumping, is it like.
15:38
Speaker 1: Must be something to do with it the pressure, so
15:40
Speaker 1: it makes a vibration and a sound. So every time
15:44
Speaker 1: you're not off, Yeah, mattress is going off in ten
15:47
Speaker 1: So that was another thing. So yeah, got to one thirty,
15:49
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I can get through the rest
15:50
Speaker 1: of the night, kept watching my TV series, kept trying
15:53
Speaker 1: to stay hydrated, even though I was so uncomfortable. Obviously
15:56
Speaker 1: made it through. And then first thing in the morning
15:58
Speaker 1: when the doctor came around, I was like, please take
16:00
Speaker 1: the catheter out, like leave everything else in, but can
16:02
Speaker 1: I get that out and go toilet? My blood pressure
16:05
Speaker 1: naturally is really really low, and when I went up
16:07
Speaker 1: to go to the toilet for the first time, dropped
16:08
Speaker 1: down to like seventy six, which is really low. So
16:10
Speaker 1: I felt quite dizzy, but I just had two nurses
16:12
Speaker 1: beside me that walked into the toilet. That felt like
16:15
Speaker 1: absolute heaven. You never would think you just take going
16:18
Speaker 1: to the toilet for granted, because this is what you
16:19
Speaker 1: do a million times to day when you don't have
16:21
Speaker 1: the ability to go toilet and sit on a toilet,
16:24
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it is so nice. And then I
16:28
Speaker 1: got taken back to the normal ward where I was
16:30
Speaker 1: sharing a room with the lady who had had the
16:32
Speaker 1: same surgery as me, and she was really really lovely.
16:34
Speaker 1: She just loved to have a chat, and I had
16:36
Speaker 1: no energy to talk, so I like close my curtains,
16:38
Speaker 1: put my headphones on, but she would like poke her
16:40
Speaker 1: head in and like want a chat, sit on the
16:41
Speaker 1: end of my pick. And she was old or so
16:43
Speaker 1: she probably just wanted a company. But I really felt
16:46
Speaker 1: like I just had no capacity for anyone. But Steve
16:49
Speaker 1: obviously came visited again, which was really nice, and then
16:52
Speaker 1: just got through that twenty four hours before I got
16:54
Speaker 1: to go home the next day. And then yeah, I
16:57
Speaker 1: really didn't sleep much for I think three or four days.
17:00
Speaker 1: It was very very short. Even when I got home.
17:02
Speaker 1: The first night, I got sleeping side and it got
17:04
Speaker 1: to midnight and I was like, oh my god, I'm
17:06
Speaker 1: still not asleep. I'd taken two melatonin that normally would
17:09
Speaker 1: knock me out, it didn't, so I only had about
17:12
Speaker 1: four hours that first night. It was just rough sleep.
17:15
Speaker 3: Anxiety is so realist, like when you're gone a long
17:17
Speaker 3: period of time where you don't sleep, you're like fixated
17:19
Speaker 3: on you, like I just need to get sleep. I
17:20
Speaker 3: just need to get sleep. And then you're sitting there
17:21
Speaker 3: and you're like, why am I not going to sleep?
17:25
Speaker 1: When in hospital? On Monday had surgery? Tuesday was home Thursday, Friday,
17:29
Speaker 1: Saturday I rested heaps. Sunday was still a slow day,
17:31
Speaker 1: but I just woke up feeling much better. But I
17:35
Speaker 1: hadn't gone toilet for like four days, which is very
17:37
Speaker 1: unlike me, and if you know, you know, that just
17:39
Speaker 1: makes you feel so crap. So Steve was like, why
17:42
Speaker 1: don't you just go for a walk intended He's like,
17:48
Speaker 1: just go for a light walk, at your body moving.
17:49
Speaker 1: I beat you that, I'll get you going. And it did,
17:51
Speaker 1: thank god, because you just feel toxic with when you're.
17:52
Speaker 3: Growing, honestly I do, and all the stuff that's been
17:54
Speaker 3: in your body too for the surgery.
17:57
Speaker 1: So we just went grocery shopping and then I cooked
18:00
Speaker 1: heaves and we had a few of Tug's friends over.
18:02
Speaker 1: They sim in the pool. I meal prepped and just
18:04
Speaker 1: cleaned up and hung with the kids, and it was
18:06
Speaker 1: just the nicest day. Just had full blown gratitude for
18:09
Speaker 1: my family, for my home, for my health, my body
18:13
Speaker 1: being able to put makeup on, like just a full
18:15
Speaker 1: night's sleep. Yeah, it just was so grateful. And now
18:18
Speaker 1: I'm just waiting for the phone call to what they're
18:20
Speaker 1: going to do for surgery. So if I have to
18:22
Speaker 1: go for another surgery, which is very likely, they have
18:24
Speaker 1: to wait for two months to make sure this one's worked.
18:27
Speaker 1: And I also said to them, why did you not
18:29
Speaker 1: fix the other one while you're in there, and he said,
18:30
Speaker 1: because you hadn't given consent. I was like, damn it.
18:33
Speaker 3: Oh, so if they put something in there to say,
18:35
Speaker 3: like if we find anything else, then.
18:37
Speaker 1: They can't do that either though, because if there was
18:39
Speaker 1: a bleed or a stroke, if something happened on the table,
18:42
Speaker 1: they need to know which aneurysms come from, and they're
18:45
Speaker 1: dealing with multiple that it's just more complicated. He's like,
18:48
Speaker 1: I know it might not seem like major surgery to you,
18:50
Speaker 1: but this is major surgery. I have literally been inside
18:53
Speaker 1: of your brain. Yes, So it's just one at a time,
18:56
Speaker 1: so it'd be in two months time. So if I
18:58
Speaker 1: go back it'd be around October November. Yeah, I'm secretly
19:01
Speaker 1: hoping they say we're just going to monitor it. But
19:03
Speaker 1: my mum and Steve were like, no, you got to
19:06
Speaker 1: get back in there because otherwise you are literally walking
19:08
Speaker 1: around like a digcking time bomb. You just never know
19:10
Speaker 1: if it's gonna rupture.
19:11
Speaker 3: And then you got in the back of your mind
19:13
Speaker 3: until you do get surgery that it's there.
19:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Yeah, And like, will I be better off
19:18
Speaker 1: knowing what's coming or maybe more traumatized and more scared
19:23
Speaker 1: because I know what's coming? Maybe, like how I wonder how?
19:25
Speaker 3: So I feel like your experience with the catheter made
19:28
Speaker 3: it so annoying as well. I don't think that's a
19:30
Speaker 3: normal experience because I had one when I had my
19:33
Speaker 3: C section, and although I was numb at the start,
19:35
Speaker 3: I feel like at the end you can feel it
19:37
Speaker 3: a little bit, but it shouldn't hurt.
19:38
Speaker 1: But then one nurse had said to me, oh, did
19:40
Speaker 1: they insert this when you were on the table asleep?
19:42
Speaker 1: And I said yes, and she rolled I. She was
19:44
Speaker 1: like oh, I was like, what does oh mean? Yeah?
19:47
Speaker 1: Is that like? Does it not work as well? But
19:50
Speaker 1: the really nice nurse I had the second time she
19:52
Speaker 1: tried to readjust it. Yeah, it didn't help. I was
19:56
Speaker 1: laying on my side a little bit elevated. It helped
19:58
Speaker 1: a little bit more. So I constantly was just trying
20:00
Speaker 1: to be on my side. But you also just feel
20:02
Speaker 1: so dehydrated. So I wanted to keep my high. I
20:05
Speaker 1: bought these like salty sachets. They were flavored, but they're
20:08
Speaker 1: all natural and had magnesium, potassium, and sodium in there.
20:11
Speaker 1: I really want to just keep really hydrated. Yeah, so
20:14
Speaker 1: I was trying to drink keeps those, but then I
20:15
Speaker 1: was just you know, you're busting for the toilet and
20:17
Speaker 1: it's painful. That was me for the whole time I
20:19
Speaker 1: was in ICU, So it did not ease off. Uncomfortable
20:23
Speaker 1: and also just frustrating. When you're emotionally like stretched at
20:26
Speaker 1: that point from no sleep, I just feel like everything
20:29
Speaker 1: feels harder. Yeah. So I hope that has stretched my
20:33
Speaker 1: capacity to be able to handle a different type of stress,
20:36
Speaker 1: like a health stress. So hopefully next time I'm better.
20:39
Speaker 1: I must say I've definitely gotten so much better at
20:41
Speaker 1: self regulating, like I can bring myself back in but
20:44
Speaker 1: in the moments, I don't want to say weakness in
20:46
Speaker 1: the moments of struggle, I had people there that just
20:49
Speaker 1: were there. You know. Without that, I don't know how
20:52
Speaker 1: I would have gone through that. Yeah, it was brutal,
20:55
Speaker 1: but I mean out the other side, I feel better
20:57
Speaker 1: than ever now, so grateful for it. It's taught me
20:59
Speaker 1: so much. That's the thing to leave. I was like,
21:01
Speaker 1: what's this second one taught you? And I was like,
21:03
Speaker 1: that's what I'm not sure of yet. First one taught
21:05
Speaker 1: me so much and I made drastic changes, Like I
21:08
Speaker 1: closed down my business of eight years. I've fully slowed down.
21:13
Speaker 1: I'm stepping to my feminine I've hired a coach to
21:16
Speaker 1: help support me with this new like way of living. Yeah,
21:19
Speaker 1: I'm trying to break so many old beliefs around who
21:23
Speaker 1: I am and what I need to be to be
21:25
Speaker 1: loved and successful and working on so much like And
21:29
Speaker 1: that was all from that moment of finding out how
21:30
Speaker 1: to aneurism my universe. I've learned a lot, I've taken on.
21:34
Speaker 1: At what more do you want from me? I don't
21:38
Speaker 1: know what the second one's taught me. Is it just
21:40
Speaker 1: to keep surrendering? Maybe I do not know? Man, live
21:43
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not sure. Actually, don't know why
21:44
Speaker 1: I said that the universe is being an asshole. I
21:47
Speaker 1: was like, no, there'll be a higher purpose for it.
21:50
Speaker 1: And maybe it's just I don't know, to keep creating
21:53
Speaker 1: impact other people will not feel alone.
21:55
Speaker 3: Maybe that's the one that would have gone bad if
21:57
Speaker 3: they didn't spot, you know what I mean, Like maybe
22:00
Speaker 3: the fact that the doctor spotted that one.
22:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's lucky, Like I definitely feel lucky. It's weird
22:04
Speaker 1: how like you can have so many emotions existing at once.
22:08
Speaker 1: I hate on social media. It's a downfall of social media.
22:10
Speaker 1: If you express it you're struggling with something, or you're
22:13
Speaker 1: having a hard time with mum life, or finances aren't great,
22:17
Speaker 1: or your business is not growing great, or I'm in
22:19
Speaker 1: hospital finding it really hard. People are like, oh, you
22:21
Speaker 1: should be so grateful you've got the surgery, you should
22:23
Speaker 1: be grateful for this. I am, but I'm also in
22:26
Speaker 1: the thick of it, and I'm also experiencing all of
22:28
Speaker 1: these emotions, and I'm not gonna shame any.
22:30
Speaker 3: Of those human beings.
22:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that is part of my experience. Like, those heavier,
22:35
Speaker 1: harder emotions should not be ones that we just park
22:38
Speaker 1: over there. I think everyone should be able to feel
22:41
Speaker 1: all that when you're in the thick of it. If
22:42
Speaker 1: you don't feel it, you just store it. Yeah, and
22:45
Speaker 1: that comes out in toxic ways later on. But yeah,
22:47
Speaker 1: proud of my body and what it's taken me through
22:49
Speaker 1: and how I have come out the other side and
22:50
Speaker 1: it will take me through again. I also asked the
22:52
Speaker 1: neurosurgeons because obviously Steve's had one and I've had one.
22:56
Speaker 1: With our kids, we're going to get TAJ and MRI
22:58
Speaker 1: next year, and he said, wait till they're fourteen or fifteen. Okay,
23:01
Speaker 1: things like I wouldn't stress too much, even though age
23:03
Speaker 1: which confuses me because it can be born with them.
23:06
Speaker 1: But Steve said he started to have fits and that's
23:08
Speaker 1: how they found his His was more in his teens
23:11
Speaker 1: as well. But he said, yeah, wait till he's fourteen
23:13
Speaker 1: or fifteen and then get an MRI.
23:14
Speaker 3: How many people are walking around do you know with
23:16
Speaker 3: an in.
23:17
Speaker 1: Twenty in twenty or brain any aneurysm?
23:20
Speaker 3: Wow, there you go.
23:22
Speaker 1: That's pretty crazy, hey, which is sounds really common. Yeah,
23:25
Speaker 1: And I don't think you hear like you don't see
23:27
Speaker 1: it on the news or hear about people dying from
23:29
Speaker 1: unless they're famous or something, but it's very very common.
23:33
Speaker 1: I think if you ever have anything to do with
23:34
Speaker 1: your site, really intense headaches, why would you not get tested, Like,
23:39
Speaker 1: just go and get a check, go and get a
23:40
Speaker 1: CT scan and an MRI and just have it looked at,
23:44
Speaker 1: and they might decide not to touch it. They might
23:45
Speaker 1: just monitor it, but at least you know.
23:48
Speaker 3: So, were you having headaches as well?
23:50
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, it was more that week though, Like I
23:52
Speaker 1: would get the loss of vision and then the headache
23:54
Speaker 1: would come on, but I would quickly take voltairean or
23:57
Speaker 1: neuropin to stop it. Yes, And I feel like before that,
24:01
Speaker 1: headaches would pop up normally around my period, but I
24:04
Speaker 1: just thought it was information. Who knows. Yeah, I just
24:07
Speaker 1: think if anything is not feeling right in your body,
24:09
Speaker 1: why would you not investigate it. That's your body giving
24:11
Speaker 1: you a symptom and a sign that something's not right
24:12
Speaker 1: and there's a root issue to what it is. You
24:14
Speaker 1: can keep popping your patot all and taking whatever, but
24:17
Speaker 1: it's such an opportunity to figure out exactly what's going
24:20
Speaker 1: on and potentially give yourself a second chance of life. Absolutely,
24:24
Speaker 1: Like if I didn't go to the hospital, imagine if
24:26
Speaker 1: this burst next year and my life was lost, my
24:28
Speaker 1: kids are left with my mum. Yeah, and it could
24:30
Speaker 1: have been prevented. That's the thing. These can be prevented. Yeah,
24:33
Speaker 1: just cool now yeah. Yeah. So that's my message everyone.
24:36
Speaker 1: If you think something's not right, like, go and get
24:38
Speaker 1: it checked. Yeah. Yeah, So glad that it's done for
24:42
Speaker 1: you and thank you. Yeah until next time.
24:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, wait and see what happens is the next one.
24:47
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And my heart goes out to anyone who
24:50
Speaker 1: was going through any health issues. It's not fine, anyone
24:52
Speaker 1: that's in hospital, like even when I was in hospital.
24:55
Speaker 1: Her name's Alano. I think can actually leave her go
24:57
Speaker 1: from the account in our description box. Yep. She's a
25:00
Speaker 1: little girl called Daisy and her brain is riddled with tumors.
25:05
Speaker 1: They've had to move into the Brisbane hospital. They've got
25:08
Speaker 1: two other children. So her little girl was like asleep
25:10
Speaker 1: all the time, Like there's videos of her just like
25:13
Speaker 1: out at parks and just like couldn't keep awake. The
25:15
Speaker 1: doctor's like, no, she's fine, she's fine. The mom was like,
25:17
Speaker 1: she's not fine. Got it checked and her brain's riddled
25:20
Speaker 1: with tumors. So she said her brain is unfortunately covered
25:23
Speaker 1: with tumors. They were trying to remove as many as
25:25
Speaker 1: they can, focus on the ones giving her bad seizures.
25:27
Speaker 1: We've met the surgeon, been given the paperwork. They just
25:30
Speaker 1: waiting on her genetics to come back before operating in
25:32
Speaker 1: case they find out it's not safe to do so.
25:34
Speaker 1: It's been a very scary week seeing her look so lifeless.
25:36
Speaker 1: But hopefully this operation may even help a little. She's like,
25:40
Speaker 1: I've been living my worst nightmares as a parent. I
25:42
Speaker 1: wish I could take away all of this pain from her.
25:44
Speaker 1: It's just heartbreaking. Whatever you're going through in life, There's
25:48
Speaker 1: just so many people out there struggling. And I was
25:51
Speaker 1: in there for a couple of days. I can't imagine
25:53
Speaker 1: the families that are in there, Like, I'm so glad
25:55
Speaker 1: I had to go through that, not my kids as well,
25:57
Speaker 1: but my heart just goes out there to anyone who
25:59
Speaker 1: is in hospital struggling, who has family in hospital, who
26:02
Speaker 1: you have a curtain you're coming up, Like, whatever you're
26:04
Speaker 1: going through far it is not easy on your body physically, mentally,
26:09
Speaker 1: and emotionally. It stretches you in more ways than you
26:12
Speaker 1: can think of. If there's any way that you can
26:14
Speaker 1: help another family like we will. You can donate to
26:16
Speaker 1: a Daisy's family or put that go fund me in there.
26:19
Speaker 1: Everyone could dig deep. That'd be awesome. But yeah, otherwise
26:22
Speaker 1: that's my journey. What a journey. PS. This is a
26:25
Speaker 1: new mantra that I've been saying to myself, and it's
26:29
Speaker 1: just I have everything that I need right now. It
26:33
Speaker 1: kind of relates back to my share of the week,
26:35
Speaker 1: but like whether it comes to support, love, my resources, food,
26:39
Speaker 1: like literally anything. And when you get stuck in a
26:41
Speaker 1: lack mindset, you turn into a victim. If you actually
26:45
Speaker 1: look around, you have everything that you need. You can
26:47
Speaker 1: always want more. That's totally fine to have goals, But
26:50
Speaker 1: when I was in hospital and coming out of hospital,
26:51
Speaker 1: and just even at night when I'm sitting with my family,
26:53
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't need anything else. I love life
26:56
Speaker 1: and I love having goals and things look forward to,
26:58
Speaker 1: and there's different things that I would like to achieve
27:00
Speaker 1: or buy or whatever I want a sauna, beach, but honestly, like,
27:05
Speaker 1: I'm just so happy and attent. I have everything I
27:07
Speaker 1: need right here right now. That's beautiful. PS.
27:12
Speaker 3: Luxury is waking up being able to say I love
27:14
Speaker 3: it here. I love who I've become. I love how
27:17
Speaker 3: I've healed. I love how sure I am of myself.
27:19
Speaker 3: I love how I believe in what I can do.
27:22
Speaker 3: I love where the roller coaster of life has taken me.
27:24
Speaker 3: I love that I allow myself to feel free. I
27:26
Speaker 3: love that I can let go. I love that I
27:28
Speaker 3: can say no. I love that I can give love,
27:30
Speaker 3: and I love that I allow love.
27:32
Speaker 1: That's so nice, pretty, it's really pretty.
27:35
Speaker 2: I saw it.
27:36
Speaker 1: I was like, that's really really really that's nice. Yeah,
27:40
Speaker 1: alrighty guys, will wrap it up here and we'll be
27:42
Speaker 1: seeing you on Wednesday. We'll see you then. By bye.