Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / From Trauma to Empowerment: Healing, Boundaries & Finding Your True Self with Holly Hughes

Transcript

From Trauma to Empowerment: Healing, Boundaries & Finding Your True Self with Holly Hughes · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  So we have this thing that you should be able to wake up, take
• 0:02
  care of your family, get to work, be successful, come home
• 0:04
  and be a sex pot. Yes, that's exactly what it you.
• 0:08
  Can do all things, but not all things at once.
• 0:11
  So I have made choices where I make my family came first and
• 0:16
  I'm not a very traditional person, but when it comes to
• 0:18
  motherhood, I am. And that was something that I
• 0:22
  chose. And it meant that you have to
• 0:24
  change lifestyles or make sacrifices in some way.
• 0:27
  You have to adult. So my the thing nowadays is
• 0:31
  women are told, yes, you your feelings are valid, but they're
• 0:35
  not teaching people. OK, they're valid.
• 0:38
  Then can I use bad language? Can I like talk like how I
• 0:41
  really talk? OK, good.
• 0:43
  Fucking grow up and deal with it.
• 0:45
  Like process that shit. And just because you're in a bad
• 0:48
  mood, you can say this is a boundary.
• 0:51
  I'm having a bad day. You didn't do it.
• 0:53
  I don't know what's causing it. I need time to do do it or I'm
• 0:57
  having a bad day. I'm feeling this way or my
• 1:00
  feelings are hurt. I need time to process it
• 1:03
  because it's really not societies problem to make it all
• 1:06
  better for you. Hello and welcome back to The
• 1:09
  Field Podcast. Today I'm your host, Melissa
• 1:11
  Crook. I'm here with a new friend.
• 1:14
  Holly Hughes reached out to me via our contact forum and she
• 1:18
  has a fascinating journey and we're going to talk through the
• 1:23
  talking points today and weave together all the pieces and
• 1:26
  parts of her story that really inform how she shows up today.
• 1:30
  There are parts of her journey that are far too familiar for
• 1:33
  women, and we're going to hear how she's supporting women today
• 1:38
  in overcoming that and being their healthiest, most
• 1:41
  authentic, courageous selves. But she's got a story and how
• 1:46
  she got there and we're going to share that today.
• 1:48
  Holly describes yourself as curious, creative, emotional,
• 1:53
  and driven. Holly Hughes, Welcome to the
• 1:56
  Field podcast. Thank you.
• 1:58
  Thank you for having me today. Unless I'm very excited about
• 2:00
  connecting. I love what you're doing and
• 2:04
  your enthusiasm for it. It's really in a world full of
• 2:08
  people who are like, meh, that's too much work.
• 2:10
  You're out here doing it. So I appreciate that.
• 2:12
  Thank you. Thank you so much.
• 2:14
  I appreciate that right back at you and we're going to get right
• 2:16
  into it here. Talk to me about your journey
• 2:20
  with self-care. You, I mean, and this is can be
• 2:23
  a complex topic for women and talk to me about how it's been
• 2:28
  for you, how it's unfolded and and where you are today with it.
• 2:32
  Sure, I think you know when I was younger I thought self-care
• 2:36
  was selfish because I had to say no.
• 2:39
  I had right like that would require me knowing a boundary
• 2:43
  that would require me knowing my limits.
• 2:45
  And when I was younger, I thought and believed about
• 2:49
  myself that my role was to endure.
• 2:53
  Well, we kind of we, we really reward that in our society.
• 2:59
  Yeah, I think part of it is the feminine role, you know, like
• 3:02
  being the soft place, but also just in like, my own experiences
• 3:07
  and how I grew up and what I saw modeled and all of those other
• 3:10
  things, right? Like as I'm a child of the 70s
• 3:12
  and 80s, right? I'm Gen.
• 3:14
  X, I'm shut up, keep going, right?
• 3:16
  Or my job is to make it better for you, right?
• 3:21
  So my job is to make it better for you.
• 3:24
  And I thought that was my role then.
• 3:27
  Then what is it in me? Like I didn't even get
• 3:31
  self-care. I think I love sharing the
• 3:33
  story. I was producing something for.
• 3:37
  I think it was Cinemax at the time.
• 3:39
  And a woman came up to me and she was the production designer
• 3:42
  and she wasn't my favorite person on set for whatever
• 3:44
  reason, right? I don't know why.
• 3:46
  Whatever she was marrying I don't like.
• 3:48
  But she came up to me and literally said, Holly, do you
• 3:51
  know that you cry every day at 3:00 clock?
• 3:55
  And I was like, what are you talking about?
• 3:58
  Like, I was so annoyed. We're at work.
• 4:00
  What are you talking? Like, I'm I'm in charge of like
• 4:02
  200 something people here. Like we got to finish location
• 4:05
  and rap. Let's go.
• 4:06
  What are you, what are you talking about?
• 4:07
  She's like, yeah, you know, I see that you cry every day at
• 4:10
  3:00. And she hands me this card of
• 4:12
  her therapist. Wow.
• 4:15
  Wow. And at 3:00, I walked into the
• 4:18
  bathroom and I was crying and I was so utterly dissociative.
• 4:22
  I didn't know. Wow.
• 4:24
  I didn't know that my body couldn't take any more, even
• 4:27
  though I knew my body was unhappy.
• 4:29
  I didn't know. I didn't know.
• 4:32
  And then suddenly there it was like an invitation.
• 4:36
  It has to be divine intervention, right?
• 4:38
  Pretty much a stranger comes up to you and is like, you're
• 4:41
  messed up, are you OK? And I couldn't even ask myself
• 4:46
  that because all I knew was to think for the future.
• 4:50
  So for me it was really like learning to be in the present
• 4:54
  and then just, you know, slowly because I think my therapist
• 4:58
  told me it took me 9 months to say anything bad about anyone.
• 5:04
  Wow, wow. Yeah.
• 5:07
  And I had already been like, at that time, I had lost, right?
• 5:12
  I was assaulted. And that's how I lost my
• 5:15
  virginity at 15. My house burned down when I was
• 5:17
  7. I moved and then my house burned
• 5:19
  down when I was 17. And then a year later, my house
• 5:23
  would come down again from the earthquake, from the Northridge
• 5:25
  earthquake. So like, I knew profound loss,
• 5:29
  right? I knew what it was like to be
• 5:30
  out of control. And like, I just have this other
• 5:34
  gear that lets me survive. But I had to really learn what I
• 5:41
  wanted out of life. Yeah, yeah.
• 5:45
  And the disassociation process, I get that.
• 5:47
  I was severely disassociated for so many years.
• 5:51
  And when I finally reassociated myself and started feeling all
• 5:56
  that was actually happening in my body and because I told my
• 6:00
  therapist, I'm not know where this is coming from.
• 6:01
  She's like, it's always been there.
• 6:03
  You've just been so detached from yourself and, and the
• 6:07
  disassociations. Disassociation started when I
• 6:10
  was a kid, you know, so and it just stayed with me.
• 6:14
  And it was this protective layer as a kid.
• 6:17
  But then your nervous system doesn't make the shift when
• 6:20
  you're actually physically and emotionally safe.
• 6:23
  It doesn't understand that it just stays there and you stay
• 6:27
  there unless you are allow things to move through, be
• 6:31
  processed, be acknowledged, let them breathe, you know, until
• 6:35
  you just stay in this hyper vigilant disassociated state and
• 6:39
  it completely messes up your whole nervous system, your
• 6:43
  cortisol levels. There's so many things that go
• 6:45
  into it when so you so you get to this space where someone's
• 6:51
  brought you your to this to your attention and you start in
• 6:56
  therapy and you're doing the work in therapy.
• 6:59
  At what point did healthy boundaries in the realization of
• 7:02
  those? Because I'm with you same
• 7:04
  generation. That's not a conversation we
• 7:06
  had. That's probably not even a
• 7:08
  conversation we've had till the last 10 to 15 years. 15 might be
• 7:12
  generous, it might be 10. I mean I.
• 7:14
  Think, I think we've overcorrected.
• 7:16
  I think we were sold a bill of goods that we could do it all
• 7:20
  and be at all like. Yes, someone posted the video of
• 7:23
  the Anjali. Commercial.
• 7:25
  Yeah, could bring home the bacon.
• 7:26
  Yeah, right up in a pant. Yep, right.
• 7:29
  And never let you forget your OK.
• 7:30
  So we have this thing that you should be able to wake up, take
• 7:33
  care of your family, get to work, be successful, come home
• 7:35
  and be a sex pot, yes. Exactly what it you can do.
• 7:39
  All things, but not all things at once.
• 7:41
  So I've made choices where I make my family came first and
• 7:46
  I'm not a very traditional person, but when it comes to
• 7:49
  motherhood, I am. And that was something that I
• 7:53
  chose and it meant that you have to change lifestyles or make
• 7:57
  sacrifices in some way. You have to adult.
• 8:00
  So my thing nowadays is women are told, yes, you, your
• 8:04
  feelings are valid, but they're not teaching people.
• 8:08
  OK, they're valid. Then Can I use bad language?
• 8:11
  Can I like, talk like how I really talk?
• 8:13
  OK, good. Fucking grow up and deal with
• 8:16
  it. Like process that shit.
• 8:17
  And just because you're in a bad mood, you can say this is a
• 8:20
  boundary. I'm having a bad day.
• 8:23
  You didn't do it. I don't know what's causing it.
• 8:25
  I need time to do do it. Or I'm having a bad day, I'm
• 8:29
  feeling this way or my feelings are hurt.
• 8:32
  I need time to process it because it's really not
• 8:35
  society's problem to make it all better for you.
• 8:38
  You create society by being a whole person and stops.
• 8:43
  Like I think for me, like right now, the world is just full of
• 8:46
  rage bait and there's just so few people talking about like
• 8:50
  yes, that's injustice. OK, but like beyond creating
• 8:54
  this energetic shit show, I mean, that's just super high
• 9:00
  vibrational talk there people, everyone.
• 9:02
  But it's it's that you have to mature.
• 9:07
  Yes, your feelings can get hurt and then it's your job.
• 9:10
  Funny enough, as unfair as it feels to manage and process and
• 9:14
  like, what do I need and what what is healthy and what is a
• 9:19
  social norm? I think some of our norms are
• 9:21
  crazy because people's feelings are more important than truth.
• 9:24
  But we have to get back to a truth and equitable instead of
• 9:29
  equal. And I'm like my favorite quote
• 9:31
  when I was a kid that my mom laughed at me all the time was
• 9:34
  why me? It's not fair.
• 9:36
  But then her answer was who said life's fair?
• 9:41
  Yeah, Yeah, I think I you hit on something.
• 9:44
  I think it's really important that I run into a lot when I'm
• 9:47
  working with women and speaking is like, we all have a part of
• 9:50
  this. We're responsible for our own
• 9:52
  happiness, no one else is. We're also not responsible for
• 9:55
  somebody else's happiness. So you're going to go through
• 9:59
  life, shitty things are going to happen, wonderful things are
• 10:02
  going to happen in all of this. And a lot of a lot of these
• 10:06
  terrible things are going to be out of our control.
• 10:08
  We are going to experience really tough and especially as
• 10:11
  women, it, it's very likely you're going to expend, you
• 10:16
  know, experience some kind of trauma and, and, and maybe many
• 10:20
  times over that sucks and it's not right.
• 10:23
  And we should fight for change. And also, when it happens to us,
• 10:27
  we're responsible for doing the work to heal and move through
• 10:31
  and have healthy resources so we can respond in a way that allows
• 10:36
  us to move forward. And I think we both things are
• 10:39
  true, you know, both things are true.
• 10:42
  We are both responsible for ourselves and making sure that
• 10:45
  we're well and move forward and heal.
• 10:47
  And we keep fighting to make this a safer, more equitable
• 10:51
  world for women. We can do both things at the
• 10:54
  same time. If but I.
• 10:55
  And let's redefine like what you like, what you want.
• 10:59
  Like I, I think my thing is like, how, like what would make
• 11:02
  you happy? You asked?
• 11:03
  Like, what are words that I used to define myself, right.
• 11:05
  I have a whole TEDx talk where I'm like the first question you
• 11:08
  ask a woman when you meet her, it shouldn't be how many kids do
• 11:11
  you have? I live in the set now.
• 11:13
  And that was like a big thing, right?
• 11:15
  And. I were married.
• 11:17
  How many kids do you have? Yeah, they weren't satisfied
• 11:19
  with my answer. They're like, they weren't
• 11:21
  satisfied. And so then I would typically
• 11:23
  snap because I suffered many miscarriages too.
• 11:26
  So and then I was like, why do why do you have to go there?
• 11:30
  Like, I know you're looking to connect, but let's connect in
• 11:34
  like different ways, right? Like, I like to ask everyone,
• 11:37
  like, what's your warning label? I don't know, like start with a
• 11:40
  sense of humor. We don't have to trauma bond.
• 11:42
  Everything else is trauma bonding.
• 11:45
  Yes. I'm not for that.
• 11:47
  Yeah, codependent trauma bonding very yes, yes, showing up in the
• 11:50
  fire, all these things. I love that.
• 11:53
  I mean we did an ice breaker last week and I've got A1 pager
• 11:56
  that I use in my work whenever I speak.
• 11:59
  It's, it's part of a module in the work that I do both in my
• 12:03
  online and one-on-one. And it just asks these basic
• 12:06
  questions. You're going to get asked them
• 12:07
  today. You've already been asked one of
• 12:08
  them. It asks you to define yourself
• 12:11
  by your character traits. It asks you to identify 5 words
• 12:14
  and how you want to feel the next six months.
• 12:16
  And I asked you to identify 5 activities that nourish you.
• 12:19
  I've challenged people. I'm like, use this as an
• 12:22
  icebreaker. Use this as a way to get to know
• 12:24
  people in a different way. I also use it in the work that I
• 12:28
  do with women. It's a way to get to know who
• 12:31
  you are and then check yourself to see if your life aligns with
• 12:35
  that. And if it doesn't, that's a very
• 12:37
  clear place where you can start saying no to some things, yeah,
• 12:41
  and start setting some healthy boundaries.
• 12:43
  But it's getting back to this idea of of being connected with
• 12:47
  ourselves, being connected with our foundation and who we are
• 12:52
  and what makes up who we are. And then are we living lives out
• 12:55
  of alignment with that? And if we are not living lives
• 12:58
  with it's in alignment with that, what are we going to do
• 13:01
  about it? You know, you and I because I
• 13:03
  these principles I that I kind of live by and really work out
• 13:07
  of are you are worthy, you are valuable and you get to choose
• 13:12
  Yeah, that also choose staying stuck.
• 13:15
  That includes choosing staying comfortable.
• 13:18
  And so many times when we're like I don't have any choices.
• 13:21
  I'm like you do. They might be hard.
• 13:24
  They might require difficult conversations.
• 13:27
  They might require you having to make some hard decisions it.
• 13:30
  Requires being uncomfortable, I think.
• 13:34
  Comfortable, pampered, and curiosity cannot coexist.
• 13:37
  Together they don't, I think. I think for me, I often am like,
• 13:41
  there's a lot of women who just get numb.
• 13:44
  Yeah, right. You just live like this is what
• 13:46
  I know. This is like, I'm just getting
• 13:48
  through the day and there's plenty of things life will throw
• 13:52
  you and getting through the day is great.
• 13:54
  If you want more, that's when you ask.
• 13:56
  I'll ask those questions. I asked similar questions of
• 13:58
  clients and people I work with, including, you know, give me 3
• 14:02
  words that other people use to describe you.
• 14:05
  Give me, give me a few words that your family would.
• 14:08
  And do any of those align with who you really are, or are you
• 14:12
  pretending? Yeah, yeah.
• 14:14
  It's that, it's that whole thing.
• 14:16
  And if you yeah. And we'll get to that more, I'm
• 14:18
  going to come back to that. That goes really well with
• 14:20
  living out of your own expectations versus others and
• 14:23
  communication. So stay, we're going to come
• 14:26
  back to that because I think that's that's the question that
• 14:30
  we're asking time and time again and we're going to dig into
• 14:33
  that. But before we do talk to me
• 14:35
  about the connection you've had, you described early on some
• 14:39
  things you had happened before you hit 20 that were very, very
• 14:44
  traumatic and, and, and. Needed.
• 14:48
  Healing and needed addressing and it's also very common for
• 14:52
  women to just trudge forward and put some dirt on it and stuff it
• 14:58
  and try to forget and move on and.
• 15:00
  And in doing all that, and then you go into working in, you
• 15:04
  know, Hollywood and yeah, 'cause I'm so.
• 15:06
  Used to abuse so I went to my place Exactly.
• 15:09
  I mean, we don't have to spend a lot of time talking about the
• 15:13
  mistreatment and sexual harassment and just inequities
• 15:18
  exist in Hollywood for women at all levels, whether you're
• 15:21
  producing, behind the scenes, directing, editing, acting and
• 15:26
  whatever it is, wherever you fall into that, that is.
• 15:30
  And so you walk into that arena, it is no wonder you were crying
• 15:34
  at 3:00 and didn't know it by then.
• 15:36
  I mean that honestly. Yeah.
• 15:38
  Working. 20 hour days commuting over an hour each way.
• 15:41
  Yeah, I think I didn't know different, right.
• 15:44
  So my dad is an alcoholic and and now he's sober now, but I am
• 15:49
  no contact with him now because that's just safer for me.
• 15:52
  Yeah, absolutely. So, so for me, I went into a
• 15:56
  place where I knew how to endure.
• 15:58
  I knew and I was about people pleasing and I was about like,
• 16:02
  how do I make you happy? How do I make this happen for
• 16:04
  you? How do I make you look good?
• 16:06
  And so I did that until I was 28.
• 16:08
  And in the in the same time I endured.
• 16:10
  I mean like sexual harassment was like I don't even think I
• 16:14
  realize how much like when I my daughter is a teenager now, when
• 16:17
  I tell her what people would say to me on the daily, she's like
• 16:21
  mom unacceptable. So like I am not I made a point
• 16:26
  for her not to have my crap. I was not going to pass any
• 16:31
  generational trauma to her. Hers is her life, like her path
• 16:35
  is like her thing. And I want to equip you to have
• 16:39
  a mouth and speak up in no boundaries from a young age,
• 16:42
  right? That's very important, including
• 16:45
  whose emotion are you? Like, what are you responsible
• 16:49
  for and what aren't you? And you know, sometimes as a
• 16:51
  teenager, they don't like being responsible, period.
• 16:53
  So yeah, it's kind of. Fascinating.
• 16:56
  But I mean, I was like, thrown on a table and dry humped right
• 16:59
  in front of the crew. That's what happened.
• 17:01
  That's what my viral essay was about.
• 17:03
  People 20 something years later still don't want to talk out
• 17:06
  about it because they're afraid not to work.
• 17:08
  You know, I was always very disappointed in that.
• 17:11
  I never heard from or like, in some way or shape.
• 17:14
  Because it was on the set of Election.
• 17:16
  Reese Witherspoon, it was huge in books, huge and producing
• 17:20
  huge and women, women's empowerment.
• 17:22
  There is no way what I know about what was going on in LA
• 17:27
  when my story came out. Yeah.
• 17:29
  If the Directors Guild is having meetings and calling all of
• 17:32
  their members to talk about it, there's no way you haven't heard
• 17:35
  something about it. So that that was never
• 17:37
  addressed. Even though she was a child and
• 17:39
  she wasn't. She was young, 20.
• 17:41
  She was just with her, you know, first husband, but so not
• 17:48
  responsible, but maybe responsible now to be like, Hey,
• 17:52
  you know, I do do this. And when she does talk about
• 17:55
  him, like there is a plus and minus to it.
• 17:57
  I, I'm, I've always been kind of curious about that.
• 18:00
  So that goes back into what a women put up with and women in
• 18:04
  LA when I was there, I can't say I haven't been there for a
• 18:08
  really long time. I left like a long time ago.
• 18:11
  They were worse to women because if they put up with it, I you
• 18:15
  have to put up with it. Right.
• 18:17
  And you're trying to find your power somewhere so there.
• 18:20
  Yeah, so you're and you're and you're just feeding into the
• 18:23
  frenzy. That's exactly what the powers.
• 18:25
  I was there when you. To do big.
• 18:27
  That's all I need to say. Like it was just like the whole
• 18:29
  thing. Yeah.
• 18:30
  And hit the reputation at his company, Miramax, right?
• 18:36
  Yeah. It was like, if you go there,
• 18:38
  you better prepare. The men and women were abused.
• 18:41
  I mean, like, everyone was abused there.
• 18:42
  It was a it was a horrible environment.
• 18:44
  But you know what? They were like Oscar's darlings.
• 18:47
  Yeah, they made independent films.
• 18:51
  Wow. Wow.
• 18:53
  Wow, So, so fascinating. So you at you.
• 18:57
  You've got therapy and then you've made this transition into
• 19:02
  energy work. You've written a book, You
• 19:05
  recorded your experience regarding sexual assault long
• 19:09
  before we were talking really openly and publicly about the Me
• 19:15
  Too movement. Talk to me about those shifts
• 19:17
  you've made for yourself to really tap into your authentic
• 19:21
  self that really allows you today, I feel like, to show up
• 19:24
  not only unapologetically for yourself, but also on behalf of
• 19:29
  in supporting other women. Yeah.
• 19:31
  I think I've always had my gifts.
• 19:33
  I just didn't know you didn't. It was my normal, right?
• 19:36
  Yeah, So if I've always been intuitive, like I have all the
• 19:40
  Claires, I didn't have control over them.
• 19:43
  I always saw ghosts. They're annoying.
• 19:45
  They give me a bad headache. I've always been an empath,
• 19:48
  right, As part of being hyper vigilant, right?
• 19:51
  You, like your nervous system, becomes wired to other people.
• 19:55
  But. It really took, I don't, I
• 19:59
  think, time and acceptance, like self acceptance to slow down.
• 20:04
  And I didn't really realize I had the gifts until I got sick
• 20:08
  and I had to have a hysterectomy.
• 20:09
  And when I woke up. All of the.
• 20:11
  Messages I get all the time were quiet because they literally
• 20:14
  right. They removed my second chakra.
• 20:17
  I was gone. So then I had to like rewire and
• 20:20
  I got really intentional about that.
• 20:22
  I mean, like, I think I've been helping people as an, an
• 20:25
  intuitive like for 11, a little over 11 years now.
• 20:29
  So it happened before that. And I, I think for me, life is
• 20:34
  about evolution and change. So I don't ever, I don't really
• 20:38
  want to be who I was. I mean, there's these
• 20:40
  fundamental parts about me. Meet me now in 10 years, bitch.
• 20:44
  I'll be the same, right? But also I won't, right?
• 20:47
  And we don't. We shouldn't be, because we
• 20:49
  should continue to evolve and grow.
• 20:50
  Absolutely so. I think that's that's what it
• 20:54
  was. So I felt that if I could do
• 20:56
  things and now I had these, while I must have them for a
• 21:00
  reason. And so why not try to help
• 21:04
  others by just being on? I have this thing about honesty,
• 21:08
  right? Like my 1 button, my 1, I don't
• 21:10
  forgive you is lie. Don't lie to me.
• 21:12
  Yeah. Yeah, because I.
• 21:14
  Can handle the truth, I might not like it, it might hurt me
• 21:17
  and all the things, but guess what I can process I could you
• 21:21
  will. I always tell clients, like, I
• 21:22
  swear, feeling something won't permanently damage you.
• 21:27
  Yeah, it won't be pleasant sometimes, right?
• 21:31
  But you can get through to the other side.
• 21:33
  And then that breakthrough is worth it.
• 21:35
  Yeah. So you have to choose.
• 21:37
  You have to choose you. The world will give you chaos,
• 21:39
  but you can still choose you and be kind and know your
• 21:43
  boundaries. It just it'll feel different.
• 21:46
  And then you have to get used to the sensation of the new
• 21:49
  choices. Yeah.
• 21:51
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 21:52
  So I talk a lot about, you know, being aligned with your why,
• 21:56
  being aligned with your values, having your life's work, who you
• 22:01
  show up for, who you show up with, all those decisions being
• 22:04
  formed by that, which really goes back to the questions we
• 22:07
  were talking about earlier, requires you to know who you
• 22:10
  are, what fills you your cup, what you care about.
• 22:13
  Talk to me about how that informed you moving into the
• 22:17
  work you do today, where you have, you've transitioned, you
• 22:20
  know, you've lived many different lives and seasons and
• 22:24
  I love that because I, I'm with you.
• 22:25
  I'm like, I people that knew me that think they still know me,
• 22:30
  that haven't been around me for 10 to 15 years.
• 22:33
  I, there's, there are some components of me still the
• 22:36
  passionate, you know, outspoken person I've always been, but
• 22:40
  also there's a whole other part of me that sees the world
• 22:43
  through a very different lens than I used to because of what
• 22:47
  I've learned. So talk to me about how that's
• 22:49
  informed where you are today. I just, I don't know, I'm so
• 22:53
  innate. I'm so just like my thing,
• 22:56
  right? Real, not perfect.
• 22:57
  I think. I think I like to talk about the
• 22:58
  word weird, right? Like when I was younger, I
• 23:01
  didn't really feel like I had friends, right?
• 23:03
  But I didn't feel like I'd fit in.
• 23:05
  I was friends with different friend groups, right?
• 23:07
  And then that. And then when the friend groups
• 23:09
  fight, you know, you're left out because you're on either side,
• 23:11
  right? Yeah.
• 23:13
  I've had and lost really good friends, meaning that like, for
• 23:18
  whatever reason, we've either outgrown each other or like
• 23:22
  there's some sort of interesting betrayal.
• 23:24
  And I've, you know, I'm like, I think for my own big question is
• 23:27
  why is that? And if you check out any
• 23:30
  spirituality, if you research the Hiyoka, which is a Native
• 23:34
  American spiritualist who dances the opposite way of everyone
• 23:39
  dancing around the fire and you're the disruptor.
• 23:42
  I think that's my job in life, a little bit of being the
• 23:44
  disruptor and. I love.
• 23:48
  It, and I hate it sometimes, right?
• 23:50
  Because it can be right. It could.
• 23:52
  I don't want that. I I want to know.
• 23:53
  I'm always fascinated by those big groups of ladies who, like,
• 23:57
  hover around each other and they do all these things and I think
• 24:00
  they're so lucky. But when I'm in those groups, I
• 24:02
  don't feel any honest connection.
• 24:04
  Like whatever, whatever they're connecting on is not what I'm
• 24:08
  looking for. Yeah.
• 24:09
  So. I think that's the community I'm
• 24:12
  like creating now in my life And like the work that I do is that
• 24:16
  I'm looking for creative people who, who know each other, who
• 24:19
  are like looking for those moments of inspiration.
• 24:22
  Or if you're not a creative artist, writer, whatever,
• 24:24
  however, you know, seamstress or needlepoint person, you're at
• 24:29
  this place in your life where you're like, I'm So what?
• 24:33
  Like what kind of connection am I looking for?
• 24:35
  That's like honest and like, what story is going to inspire
• 24:39
  me? Like just you interviewing all
• 24:40
  these people and talking about that.
• 24:42
  Like there's some sentence somewhere that someone we don't
• 24:45
  know is going to hear and be like, Oh my God, I needed that
• 24:48
  today. And that's what motivated me.
• 24:50
  That's that's it. Like, Oh my God, a stranger came
• 24:53
  up to me and said, you cry at 3:00.
• 24:56
  Let me be that stranger for you. I love that.
• 24:59
  That's so good. And so talk to me about this.
• 25:01
  You decided first of all, you know you've got a Ted X.
• 25:06
  You recorded, you know this about your own sexual assault
• 25:10
  long before we're talking about it.
• 25:11
  You've written a book. What were, were there key events
• 25:14
  that happened to let you know it was time to take action and do
• 25:18
  these things? Or is that something?
• 25:20
  How did that evolve? Just creative.
• 25:23
  I think I've always been a writer.
• 25:25
  I always wanted to be a writer. When I went to college, I did.
• 25:28
  I studied journalism and in history, which for the life of
• 25:31
  me I would think every journalist should because
• 25:33
  although I think they're history really weird nowadays.
• 25:36
  My daughter even had to correct a few things at high school that
• 25:39
  regardless, back in the day, you had to get 2 point of views and
• 25:44
  then three contacts supporting the point of view and like give
• 25:49
  a perspective, 2 per sides of the coin.
• 25:52
  It was fascinating. She doesn't know, but my mom,
• 25:56
  although she's an artist, asked me when I was young, how do you
• 25:58
  make a living being a writer? And I was like, I guess
• 26:00
  journalism, I didn't know. Like nowadays there's a
• 26:02
  bajillion things. Sure.
• 26:04
  When at 28 Saturn Return, when I got divorced from my horrible
• 26:09
  starter marriage and I had really done a lot of deep dive
• 26:14
  and healing for myself, I was like, I don't want to work like
• 26:17
  my father anymore, right? Because he's an addict and I
• 26:20
  only knew how to do that. Although I am still a bit manic,
• 26:23
  if I'm honest. It's part of me.
• 26:27
  I think that I was like, well, what do I want?
• 26:30
  Yeah, right. And how how do I want this to
• 26:33
  happen? And I still at that point
• 26:36
  thought I wanted to like be a producer.
• 26:37
  And so I still worked on that, but I also went and took UCLA
• 26:43
  writers extension program, which I don't know if it still exists,
• 26:46
  but I just started to learn to write again.
• 26:48
  Yeah. Because I it was awful.
• 26:51
  And I really wanted to not be. And so I would drag my tired ass
• 26:57
  literally to these glasses. And I got better.
• 27:01
  And then I discovered magical realism.
• 27:03
  And I was like, this is how I see the world and this is how I
• 27:06
  want to tell story. And I love these elements.
• 27:08
  And 1 teacher would introduce me to another teacher.
• 27:11
  And then I started doing writers workshops and I just always did
• 27:15
  it. And then someone I wrote essays
• 27:17
  and someone's like you should might want to try children's
• 27:20
  fiction, young adult fiction. And I did that and I have I got
• 27:23
  an agent from my book with that didn't sell.
• 27:25
  Whatever. It's a whole other story.
• 27:26
  Yeah. So like I have never not
• 27:30
  written. And it was.
• 27:31
  Just about. Well, how do I put my voice out
• 27:35
  there? Like how, How?
• 27:37
  Then my ego engaged. And then, like, I deserve to be
• 27:39
  traditionally published. I'm good.
• 27:40
  I've sold enough. I've gone viral, for God's
• 27:42
  sakes. Like, I've I've done enough.
• 27:45
  But publishing is a very interesting juggernaut in that
• 27:48
  it's not moving forward at the same speed as the world.
• 27:54
  Yeah, the cost, the cost of publishing are astronomical.
• 27:59
  Yeah. So then, you know, I had AI, had
• 28:02
  an agent, I had a deal. Oh my God.
• 28:05
  I did like, that's like a that's a whole other podcast that
• 28:07
  process. But ultimately we parted ways
• 28:10
  and I was like, I don't need to do this and my ego doesn't need
• 28:13
  the top five anymore. What if I get my word work out
• 28:17
  there is that's what matters. And you know, for everyone who
• 28:20
  just shares, that's fine, But if you want a level of
• 28:24
  professionalism, you got to spend the money on editing.
• 28:27
  And like you, you please, please, for the love of God, do
• 28:31
  that. So I just, I just, it's like, I
• 28:35
  don't honestly, I have like, I have this guilt because you
• 28:38
  can't see it, but like right there on the floor.
• 28:40
  I have three books pub printed out that are in draft of mine
• 28:43
  that because at some point I've learned recently that I'm
• 28:45
  dyslexic. It's a great thing to learn when
• 28:47
  you're 56. I just and.
• 28:48
  That's why I figured it out. So I only can see.
• 28:54
  I can't see typos or words that are wrong on the screen.
• 28:57
  I can only see it when it's printed out and it has.
• 29:00
  To be a. Specific font.
• 29:01
  Otherwise I don't see it either. It's fascinating.
• 29:03
  Interesting. Yeah.
• 29:05
  Wow. So.
• 29:07
  I know. And I figured that out because
• 29:08
  my daughter was like, I was trying to learn to Korean
• 29:10
  because I'm obsessed with Korea and I've been to Korea and I was
• 29:13
  trying to learn the language. And I was telling her as we got
• 29:17
  like into sentences that I stopped seeing space and I
• 29:19
  started seeing the shape of the shape of the words on the
• 29:22
  outside. She's like, you're dyslexic.
• 29:25
  I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 29:26
  Dyslexic people can't read. I make a living writing.
• 29:28
  What are you talking? About.
• 29:30
  And she's like, and then I did the quiz.
• 29:32
  No, I'm totally dyslexic. I'm totally dyslexic.
• 29:35
  And I was like, wow, that was fascinating.
• 29:40
  Yeah. And then my teacher was like,
• 29:41
  no, it's just hard, Holly. I was like, no, like, for real.
• 29:44
  Like, I don't see individual letters.
• 29:46
  I see a shape. Oh man, that's wow.
• 29:51
  But your. Curiosity, yeah, but your.
• 29:54
  Curiosity, I, I think I want to go back to that.
• 29:58
  Do you, your curiosity has been part of all of these choices and
• 30:02
  all of these ventures and all of these, these chapters that
• 30:07
  you've had. I think that's such a key part
• 30:09
  of it. You've also grown into this
• 30:11
  space where you're really living out of your own expectations
• 30:14
  versus others. We talked about earlier those
• 30:16
  questions that you ask people you're working with in terms of,
• 30:20
  OK, they see you this way. Do you see you this way?
• 30:25
  And I think as women, we can be get very caught in that trap of
• 30:30
  allowing everyone else and all the roles around us to describe
• 30:36
  us. And I was, and then we wonder
• 30:38
  why we get to 354555 and we're like really angsty and not
• 30:43
  understanding who we are and how did I get here?
• 30:47
  And it's because you. For whatever.
• 30:49
  Reason and we start getting these scripts when we're little
• 30:52
  girls about how we're supposed to show up in the world.
• 30:55
  Whatever you never you never stopped to ask you.
• 30:58
  No one else asked you, so you just took on all these others.
• 31:02
  Also, sometimes we forget we have to communicate our
• 31:06
  expectations to people. No.
• 31:08
  One's a mind reader. So when you, especially when you
• 31:12
  make that shift, you come out of disassociation.
• 31:15
  You realize I've been allowing everyone else in my life to
• 31:18
  describe me except for me if I were to describe myself.
• 31:22
  And many times women have to sit with this when they've allowed
• 31:25
  that they don't know who they are.
• 31:26
  And and I'm always, you know, like go back to when's the last
• 31:30
  time you really felt in touch with yourself?
• 31:33
  I don't care if it was when you were four.
• 31:35
  How did you feel then and start there to get back in touch.
• 31:40
  I think that what you ask is such an important because it
• 31:43
  really brings you back to like, oh, is this how I see myself?
• 31:48
  Because you can't really live out of your own expectations
• 31:50
  until you can connect with that and also be willing to
• 31:53
  communicate it to other people. Yeah, I would.
• 31:56
  Love to offer anyone in their 20s like this thought I if men
• 32:00
  women, but mostly women because yeah, I don't know for the men.
• 32:04
  I think men need to rediscover what masculinity is and I think
• 32:07
  they need to be men and have to be comfortable and being men and
• 32:10
  just don't this toxic men whatever, just whatever be you
• 32:14
  know, we we want men. Women need to learn how to
• 32:17
  surrender again, which doesn't mean giving your power away, but
• 32:21
  it's it's surrendering to your femininity and it's OK to
• 32:24
  embrace your softness. I dare you to use your 20s to
• 32:28
  individuate from your families. I dare you stop being so
• 32:32
  enmeshed. Hey mothers, y'all helicoptering
• 32:36
  while your kids in college. It's the perfect time for them
• 32:40
  to make some mistakes because we all do.
• 32:43
  And you know what? We don't learn when we don't,
• 32:45
  right? Like, you don't learn when it
• 32:46
  all's going, right? No.
• 32:48
  Right. Yeah.
• 32:49
  So it's OK. That's really what it is.
• 32:52
  Right? Like, I after, like, my
• 32:55
  experience in my 20s and all of that trauma drama and crap.
• 32:59
  It's just that who am I? Who do I want to be?
• 33:03
  I'm living this way because that's how I saw it.
• 33:05
  Or I picked a partner in a relationship even though I
• 33:08
  didn't like my parents relationship.
• 33:10
  I modeled mine after them because unconsciously I didn't
• 33:14
  know any better, right? To wake up.
• 33:18
  So when we say like be conscious, whatever, it's not
• 33:20
  just woo woo, it's that, oh, I mean this change.
• 33:23
  Sometimes I help clients change and I tell them don't reach back
• 33:26
  for what you know, cuz what you know is making you unhappy.
• 33:29
  Yeah. It's OK to just be uncomfortable
• 33:32
  for a little bit. Yeah.
• 33:34
  So important to get comfortable being uncomfortable because we
• 33:37
  won't shift and change and evolve.
• 33:39
  We're not willing to do that 100%.
• 33:41
  And our nervous system will equate comfort with safety
• 33:46
  because that's what it knows. And it's upon us to unlearn and
• 33:50
  relearn and help it know. And I think so many times when
• 33:53
  we're making these shifts or we go to communicate that hard
• 33:55
  thing, if we get any kind of pushback and we're like, oh, I
• 33:58
  must have done something wrong. No, you didn't do anything
• 34:01
  wrong. You are showing up differently.
• 34:04
  So their response is going to, not surprisingly, be sometimes
• 34:09
  not understanding or receptive because they're not used to you
• 34:12
  showing up that way. And also this is a shift for you
• 34:16
  and your nervous system. Like, oh wow, this feels like a
• 34:20
  risk because you've gotten outside your comfort soap girl.
• 34:24
  And in going back to the communities you were talking
• 34:26
  about earlier, I think sometimes it can be really dangerous when
• 34:29
  you stay in a community of, of people that are so like minded.
• 34:32
  They don't challenge you. They don't, they don't nudge you
• 34:37
  in. You seem to be getting a little
• 34:39
  off track here. You don't have that kind of
• 34:41
  trust and relationship where you want each other to evolve and
• 34:45
  grow. And you also reach out and nudge
• 34:47
  each other if you feel like somebody's getting a little off.
• 34:50
  Not because it's not like you, because it's not like them and
• 34:54
  it's not authentic to them. And so be mindful of surrounding
• 34:57
  yourself with people that, yes, they feel safe, that doesn't
• 35:02
  comfort and safety aren't necessarily the same thing.
• 35:06
  And I think sometimes we will, we will bring in comfort.
• 35:09
  And like depends on the kind of comfort you're talking about
• 35:13
  here. If you're talking about I'm not,
• 35:15
  I'm comfortable staying how I am.
• 35:17
  I'm not going to evolve and grow.
• 35:18
  I like where I am. I'm not moving from it.
• 35:21
  And, and, and that feels you safety is where you get to
• 35:26
  authentically continue to grow and be who you are with people
• 35:30
  surrounded by you, that love you and support you and want you to
• 35:33
  see and grow and continue to become the truest version of
• 35:38
  yourself. So I think it's important to
• 35:40
  distinguish that too, as we're learning to live out of our own
• 35:43
  expectations. And I mean, I think we're
• 35:45
  talking about scripts for a little little if we could just
• 35:48
  go back to when we were little kids and just be allowed to be,
• 35:52
  you know, without all these predetermined notions of how
• 35:55
  we're supposed to show up when we're little boys and little
• 35:57
  girls, we're doing both a disservice.
• 36:00
  Just allow to be, to grow, to have, be curious, to ask
• 36:05
  questions and not be given a message.
• 36:08
  By age, you know, ages 5 to 10. If you don't show up in this
• 36:13
  way, then there's something wrong with you.
• 36:16
  Or if if. You show up like this, then
• 36:18
  you're that like, weird, That weird, Yeah.
• 36:20
  Yes, you get stuck with that and you.
• 36:22
  Yeah. And you're just like, that's
• 36:24
  insane. I I bet not.
• 36:27
  I get other children like, you know, children play dress up and
• 36:30
  make believe and they don't know who they are and they're finding
• 36:32
  their way and you're just like love and support or, you know,
• 36:35
  but does it mean these crazy things that are happening
• 36:38
  nowadays? Or I feel like for parents whose
• 36:42
  kids are super athletic and then their life becomes dedicated to
• 36:46
  taking them everywhere and like, there's just, it's all gotten a
• 36:50
  little too important. Yeah.
• 36:53
  I'm not saying that I have not fallen victim of this.
• 36:57
  But I would like to say it's. All a little too important not
• 37:01
  like back in the early turn of the century of 1900s, right.
• 37:04
  Children were seen but not heard, right.
• 37:06
  There's a lot of that. And then we have like Gen.
• 37:08
  X. But now like the overcorrection
• 37:11
  of like I wasn't seen or heard. You, your children need
• 37:15
  boundaries and rules. Yeah, it's not about and
• 37:19
  learning. How to manage themselves and
• 37:21
  their emotions yeah OK you're having a hard emotion let's talk
• 37:25
  through how to work through this and and if they forget their
• 37:29
  uniform then you know what you forgot your uniform today and I
• 37:33
  can't come rescue from that because I've got my own
• 37:36
  responsibilities Yeah I know I hear you and I hear you on the
• 37:40
  yeah I think it's a very interesting.
• 37:43
  Yeah, the the Curia and just that realization of a lot of
• 37:47
  transitions are going to happen. They're going to learn, they're
• 37:49
  going to evolve, they're going to grow.
• 37:51
  Let's let's give them some parameters, teach them to be
• 37:54
  kind, teach them, you know, that there are there are consequences
• 37:59
  for poor decision making. But also poor decision making
• 38:03
  doesn't define you. It's just a bad decision.
• 38:06
  It doesn't make you, you know, and you learn and you grow from
• 38:09
  that. You don't make that mistake
• 38:10
  again. Yeah.
• 38:12
  And the rest. Day isn't everything that you
• 38:14
  are, just like your best day isn't everything exactly.
• 38:17
  Yeah, yeah, So good. Thank you so much for that.
• 38:20
  That was really good. All right, accepting the layered
• 38:23
  aspects of ourselves, we've kind of, we've touched on this
• 38:26
  already, this ability to accept all the pieces and parts of our
• 38:30
  story, the parts we love, the parts we don't.
• 38:33
  And getting to this, I think this curious rather than
• 38:36
  judgmental is the wording I use when you feel yourself getting
• 38:39
  judgmental about a decision, a chapter in your life, something
• 38:43
  that happened, your response to it, whatever, get curious, meet
• 38:47
  you where you were at that time based on decisions you made,
• 38:52
  based on examples you saw. You talked about earlier how
• 38:55
  you, you know, married early land someone that looked like
• 38:59
  the marriage you saw model. You understand now that was not
• 39:02
  a decision that was healthy for you.
• 39:04
  But given what you knew at the time, it was understandable.
• 39:06
  And when you can, you know how I paid.
• 39:08
  Them this is my this is my epic choice because I fit in his
• 39:11
  pants. It's true.
• 39:17
  I know. I was so mature at 23.
• 39:20
  I was like, oh, he's tall and skinny.
• 39:22
  I don't know if I can't fit in his pants.
• 39:24
  I'm not staying. I fit in his pants.
• 39:26
  I was like, and, and by the way, that little motherfucker, he's
• 39:29
  like, I will love you as long as you never gain weight.
• 39:34
  I know. And I said OK, yeah.
• 39:37
  Oh my gosh. But I mean, that's the classic
• 39:40
  you could, you could spend a lot of time now this season, you're
• 39:42
  like beating yourself up for that.
• 39:44
  You're just like, you know what? Given what I knew and what was
• 39:46
  modeled to me, it's no wonder I got there.
• 39:49
  And that changes. And that to me is helps you
• 39:52
  understand and embrace your layers and also helps you stay
• 39:55
  in touch with your value, that your value isn't who you are and
• 39:59
  who you continue to be and not all these labels and choices you
• 40:02
  make. Yeah.
• 40:04
  Exactly, Yeah. Yeah.
• 40:06
  So when do you feel like you've got to this kind of healthy
• 40:11
  place with your layers? Am I healthy?
• 40:16
  What you're. If you're continuing, if you're
• 40:18
  continuing to be curious and evolving and growing, then that
• 40:21
  that for me falls into healthy, I think.
• 40:24
  I'm more just accept it, yeah. I think.
• 40:29
  When did I just start accepting it?
• 40:30
  I really think it was when I left my starter marriage.
• 40:34
  That was like my long journey into starting accepting who I
• 40:38
  was. Like I dated a guy after that
• 40:40
  and he's like, you never remember what I say.
• 40:44
  It was my button because that's what the ex used to say.
• 40:47
  And I was like, let me see, I'm working like 14 hours a day.
• 40:51
  I mean like I'm organizing hundreds of people and things.
• 40:54
  I don't write it down. I don't remember.
• 40:56
  And I remember screaming back, if you don't like that about me,
• 40:59
  then walk away now because that's not changing.
• 41:03
  Yeah. So even though I wasn't.
• 41:05
  Smooth about it, you know what I'm saying?
• 41:07
  Yeah, I know if I don't. Put it in my phone like back in
• 41:10
  the day had it like a day planner.
• 41:12
  What were those things called? But like, if it's not in my
• 41:14
  phone and I don't put a reminder, I'm not going to
• 41:17
  remember. I apologize, but I'm going to
• 41:18
  tell you that I'll be like, hold on.
• 41:20
  Let me if I get a text from me, it will have a typo at least
• 41:24
  one. And, you know, like, I am Moody.
• 41:28
  If I'm in a bad mood, I'll probably just avoid you.
• 41:30
  And I'll just tell you I'm kind of in a mood.
• 41:33
  Yeah, sometimes I'll be in a mood.
• 41:34
  And I want you to, like, reach out and I'll try to throw a
• 41:37
  signal with my husband. Now, we've been together for 22
• 41:40
  years. Like, our communication is so
• 41:43
  honest that a lot of people can't stand it.
• 41:45
  Like, honestly, because it's not wrapped in bubble wrap.
• 41:48
  We just are, like, super direct. And I prefer it that way, even
• 41:52
  though I don't always like what he says.
• 41:53
  And I'm sure he doesn't always like what I say.
• 41:56
  That is the acceptance of what I need.
• 41:58
  I need to know the truth, right? Yeah, I think that is, and this
• 42:04
  goes nicely into and this is a perfect, I think description of
• 42:08
  living out feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers
• 42:11
  and how it's impacted your relationship with yourself as
• 42:14
  well as your relationship with other people.
• 42:16
  You are both comfortable in your own skin enough that you can
• 42:21
  take hearing. You'd rather hear the truth and
• 42:24
  be able to work through that, whatever that is, rather than
• 42:28
  there's no bullshit. And some people, when I think
• 42:31
  when you're really comfortable in your own skin and you're with
• 42:33
  somebody that is you're able to communicate in a way that might
• 42:36
  not work for everybody for sure. And I but I would you say that
• 42:40
  has played a role in you all being able to connect in the way
• 42:44
  you have? Yeah, I mean.
• 42:46
  Like a long term I'm like, we're 22 years, right.
• 42:48
  So that's that's we've seen some things.
• 42:51
  We've gone through some seasons. If you know, like he knows my
• 42:54
  hard things that I don't. This is my choice.
• 42:56
  Whoever's listening, you have your own.
• 42:59
  But I know what works for me. When does it don't lie, don't
• 43:02
  cheat. Yeah.
• 43:04
  Yeah, and I'm. Psychic.
• 43:05
  So like, I'll know. Yeah, exactly.
• 43:07
  Don't think I will know. I'm freaking into I will know.
• 43:12
  So and that's, that's good. And it also like fighting for
• 43:17
  your relationship is not easy. Yeah.
• 43:21
  Yeah, absolutely. It's a.
• 43:22
  It's a choice and there you go. So I'm I'm not saying my path is
• 43:28
  an easy one. That's so not what I would say
• 43:31
  about my little adventure that I chose.
• 43:34
  Like I have this joke that I like to tell.
• 43:36
  It was like, I'm sitting there with God.
• 43:38
  You believe in God. I hope you do, but OK, I do so
• 43:40
  sitting with God and before I'm born, we're having a cigarette
• 43:43
  and a drink and we're like God, This is the karma I want to take
• 43:47
  already. I want to take some like
• 43:52
  emotional abuse that be good, maybe a little physical dash.
• 43:55
  I want to workout this karma that karma.
• 43:57
  I want to like this, that and the other like, you know, just
• 43:59
  pile loss. I want to I want to know law I
• 44:02
  when I think I've handled all the loss and physical fear.
• 44:06
  I just I'm like in 40s just dump it all back in there and then.
• 44:10
  Oh yeah, OK, wait. And then I want you know that if
• 44:13
  you know. Yeah, no, like because my my
• 44:16
  ride is kind of wild. Yeah.
• 44:18
  I and if I just sat in the grief of all the things I've survived,
• 44:26
  I would be a very different person.
• 44:27
  I moved through the grief, and that wasn't fast.
• 44:34
  By the way. I don't want anyone to be like
• 44:35
  what she's writing. She was, you know, assaulted and
• 44:38
  she was done in five. No, it's not like that.
• 44:41
  And it comes in, wait, sometimes.
• 44:43
  And I still have some daddy issues.
• 44:45
  And, you know, that's part of me accepting.
• 44:47
  Right. Just like you're.
• 44:48
  Yeah. Like, these are.
• 44:50
  These are my things. Yeah.
• 44:52
  Yeah, and if. You don't like them, Just leave
• 44:54
  me alone. Don't be mean.
• 44:56
  Just keep walking. I'm going to try to show up for
• 44:58
  you the best I can. Yeah.
• 45:00
  That is kind. Of like my expectation, yeah.
• 45:03
  Yeah, no, I love that. So good.
• 45:05
  Talk to me before we go into our rapid fire as we wind this up.
• 45:11
  Talk to me a little bit more about the book and, and and who
• 45:15
  it's for and and your why behind that.
• 45:19
  Yeah, sure. Like you go feel and I go real.
• 45:22
  So that's, I love that we, we rhyme, you know, it's called
• 45:26
  real, not perfect. How to be your authentic self.
• 45:28
  And I originally wrote it to be an intuitive healing session or
• 45:33
  sessions that you can kind of do on your own, meaning that I have
• 45:38
  guided meditations in age. I have questions at homework and
• 45:41
  age. I call them Holly's healing tips
• 45:43
  and Holly's healing homework. And we just take topic by topic,
• 45:47
  starting with how are you assigning yourself?
• 45:50
  What role are you playing? What is a boundary?
• 45:53
  What are you afraid of? And then I revisit them a few
• 45:56
  chapters later to see if you're still stuck somewhere or not.
• 46:00
  And then like, how do you move forward and plan for what you
• 46:04
  want next? A lot of people will be like,
• 46:06
  I'm just going to deal with this and I'll be fine.
• 46:09
  But there's like no, like, well, what a how do I want to imagine
• 46:12
  my life being? And like, even when I created my
• 46:15
  program after, a large part of it is, what do you want next?
• 46:19
  Almost all of the women who've gotten through it have gotten
• 46:23
  jumped careers because they're tired of playing small.
• 46:27
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 46:29
  And I think when you do work like that and you get in touch
• 46:32
  with who you are and you start really connecting the dots on
• 46:37
  what fills you up, what gets you out of bed in the morning, which
• 46:40
  what do you value? What do you care about?
• 46:43
  I mean, that's how I landed in where I'm doing today.
• 46:45
  I mean, I and so I think when you're able to get in touch with
• 46:48
  that, you were just all of a sudden you're just like, no,
• 46:51
  this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
• 46:53
  And I'm going to and I'm going to have an angst about it until
• 46:57
  I shift gears and get my life in alignment in a way that allows
• 47:01
  me to do that. But yeah, thanks for sharing
• 47:02
  that. I just want people to have an
• 47:04
  insight on that. You bet.
• 47:06
  All right. Five activities that nourish
• 47:08
  you. Oh, easy dancing.
• 47:11
  K Dramas. Planning my next trip to Korea.
• 47:16
  What was the other one? Writing, obviously also and
• 47:20
  actually physically being with my friends and doing things as
• 47:24
  opposed to just texting friends. Yeah.
• 47:27
  There's a power about getting together and the energy that you
• 47:30
  get off of each other from that connection.
• 47:32
  I think that's such. An important thing, but I take
• 47:34
  dance classes like every week. I just, I freaking love it.
• 47:37
  Yeah, that's awesome. All right, 5 words on how you
• 47:41
  want to feel the next six months.
• 47:43
  Abundant, joyful, surprised, emotionally peaceful and
• 47:49
  welcome. I love those.
• 47:51
  So good. All right, Holly, tell people
• 47:53
  where they can find you and follow you.
• 47:55
  Get access to your resources, your book.
• 47:58
  Work with you. All the things, all the things.
• 48:00
  So find me on Instagram at Holly Hughes intuitive.
• 48:03
  I'm also on TikTok. I talk about a lot of K dramas
• 48:07
  there that too as well. I have my own podcast now, the
• 48:10
  Holly Hughes podcast on Spotify, Apple Music and YouTube.
• 48:13
  And I know this is gonna be tricky, but my website,
• 48:17
  hollyhughesintuitive.com, so it's all the same name.
• 48:20
  And if you want to tell me that you heard me here, that'd be
• 48:23
  amazing. I would love to know that,
• 48:25
  absolutely. That sounds great.
• 48:26
  All right, a last thought you'd like to leave with our listeners
• 48:29
  today. It's OK.
• 48:35
  I love that. I mean, I think there's so much
• 48:38
  power in in just like hearing that and letting that settle,
• 48:42
  sitting with that. Thank you so much, holy used.
• 48:45
  I, I think you're fascinating. I love that your your
• 48:48
  willingness to Share your story, the spirit you do it with.
• 48:52
  I appreciate you taking this time with me today and how you
• 48:55
  show up not only for yourself, first of all, but also for other
• 48:58
  women. I think it's powerful and we
• 49:00
  need all the resources we can get to help us get back to who
• 49:03
  we are and be in touch with who we.
• 49:05
  Are absolutely. I appreciate that.
• 49:07
  You bet. All right, listeners, lots to
• 49:10
  dig into in this episode. Go back, take notes, check out
• 49:13
  Holly's resources, go to embracinglayers.com to learn all
• 49:18
  about all that she's got to offer and follow her and check
• 49:21
  her out. You can check out all of our
• 49:23
  work on embracinglayers.com. If there's anything that
• 49:26
  connected with you today. I'm doing empowerment sessions
• 49:29
  now, one-on-one. I've got an online course I'm
• 49:32
  doing public speaking, so check all that out.
• 49:34
  I'd love to come talk to you about any or all of these
• 49:37
  topics. But thank you so much, Holly,
• 49:39
  again for being with us. Listeners, Thanks so much for
• 49:42
  taking time to check this out. We appreciate you and we'll see
• 49:46
  you here next time on the Field podcast.
• 49:49
  Hello and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 49:53
  episode of the Feel podcast. If you would like more
• 49:57
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 50:02
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 50:06
  utilize this Feel framework, go to embracinglayers.com, fill out
• 50:12
  our contact form, and let's set up a free 30 minute consultation
• 50:17
  to talk about how you can start living your most authentic,
• 50:21
  organic, healthy, feel fueled life.
• 50:25
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 50:27
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 50:31
  Podcast.