Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / The Moment You Stop People Pleasing and Start Living

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The Moment You Stop People Pleasing and Start Living · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just a regular gal who wants to help people.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I know somebody said that was cringy, but it's not cringy to me.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like a purpose and a calling.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like that's what I was here for.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm put on this earth to do.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I really do believe that.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now I have a lot of different beliefs.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe one size fits all.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that makes me unique.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like other people are afraid maybe to say that, but I am not afraid anymore.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I will not be afraid.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will not be like dimmed down.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I always love that.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do not dim yourself.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I am dimming myself.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I've experienced people that will say, Oh, well, you're acting weird.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're acting funny.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: What is wrong with you?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And nine times out of ten, it's when I'm actually acting like my true self.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I am a goofball.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I will make jokes about everything.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm funny.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am silly.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take life so seriously.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't anymore.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want to enjoy life.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live it, enjoy it.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be happy.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know what's important to me, my children, my family, my parents, my family in Las Vegas, my family in Wisconsin.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can't just pick one place to live.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I currently live in Vegas.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I go back to Wisconsin two to four times a year, and I'm content with that.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me happy.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me feel good.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, that feels so good to just say what makes me happy.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm no longer going to be so indecisive.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I need to start for myself making the decision.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's cognitive dissonance or something like that, where you keep wishy-washy is what I think.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's making me feel like crazy.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's like gaslighting myself.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of gaslighting, that was a big, big part of our relationship.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like no matter what I did, and I believed him.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I started believing what he would say.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: No matter what I did, I could not save this relationship.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I had everything I wanted.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've heard all the okay, well, you're in love with the guy that you thought he could be or was.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just in love with him because he is who he is.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: The guy that I met is who he is.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: He is the guy that has problems and is a narcissist, and I'm in love with him.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also in love with what he could be, but not because of what you think.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because I could see it in him.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: He is such a beautiful soul.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And does he deserve to be like, oh, well, he doesn't deserve love?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, he deserves love.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not the person who can give it to him.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And same for you.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be the person to give yourself love.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not a therapist.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just speaking off the cuff from personal experience.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess you could say I'm kind of ranting because that's how I feel.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like a pressure cooker, but not in a bad way.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like in a good way.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I am ready to be who I am.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am ready to go out soon with somebody else, but not quite yet.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want to be very specific this time.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're not going to get the perfect partner.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not looking for a perfect partner.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll be damn sure if I'm ever going to settle again and be treated in a disrespectful, abusive way by anybody.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not even by myself.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because staying in that relationship actually made me abuse myself.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: That was abuse.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And even after he went to go get some counseling, and I could easily see that he didn't want to do it, or he couldn't do it, or he wasn't capable, or I don't know what reason, only he knows.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's true, I could not fix him.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just hope that he fixed himself.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: We can't say all these people that are narcissists, and I know I have tendencies, and I believe that we all do have tendencies.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I feel very selfish sometimes, and I'm working on my behavior and correcting that.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the thing.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to change, you will change.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But that was probably working for him.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I I realized, like, okay, so I was okay.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to explain this.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was being more open and open to him about things that were bothering me, and I was calling him on his ways, and they say that it's like things that bother you about yourself.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's quite true.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I guess some things, and I wasn't perfect.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I have some narcissistic tendencies.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I tend to interrupt in conversations.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Part of it is my mind is racing.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can see my parts where I was avoidant.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I shut down.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was a learned childhood pattern that I try not to repeat things like that.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's in my DNA.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna sometimes for my own reasons, like I would just be like, I need five minutes to calm down.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's you know, and unreasonable.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just need a few minutes to myself.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't that I didn't want to discuss the situation because I did.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we did discuss it.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was just, I don't want to be blame, blame, blame, like poke, poke, poke.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was just not a healthy environment.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I left.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Long story short, I left.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't fix him.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I can only fix me.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm doing.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I was on autopilot for like, I don't know, maybe all my life, but at least the last 36 years when I picked the same guy.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is wrong with me to think that I deserve that?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: It stems from, you know, you could say all these different reasons, childhood behavior, how you've been treated, how you teach people to treat you.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, I'm responsible for me.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot control anybody else but myself.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even control myself half the time.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to rant.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is a weird podcast episode.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if I'm gonna name it an episode.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'll probably just keep it as a bonus because this is like raw.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is like true confessions.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we shouldn't like tell everybody everything, but what if you could be more of who you are deep down?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: What if you were not afraid to show people who you are?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Your people will find you.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I do believe that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, then they're not your people.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you can't be yourself by people you're hanging out with, they are not your people, or you spend less time with them, or you can readjust or reinvent like not what you do.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can't reinvent.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I guess you could reinvent yourself, and that's what I am doing, but I don't want to like reinvent myself to be a fake person, like just be like, okay, this is all good, and I'm just gonna continue to be a people pleaser.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can't now.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's a difference between people pleasing and then obligations.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a struggle, and I just want to kind of shift my focus.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna change the series coming up, be more raw, be more real, be more uncut.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna zip it up a little bit though, because I feel like I ramble and I know it's ADHD.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to show people like, okay, if you have ADHD, it's okay.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things that go with ADHD are actually blessings in disguise.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying this because I'm a therapist.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you don't need medicine.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what works for each specific person, and I don't even know what works for me, but I'm gonna try different things.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just offering my own living experience.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I take mental health very, very seriously.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want anybody to think, oh, do this, or you're doing this wrong, or you're doing that wrong.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Just do what works for you if you're tired of being in the same thing every day, like the first 50 dates over and over and over again, and you want to break your pattern, stay tuned to my podcast because I feel like I will help you through that.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am breaking my patterns, I am becoming who I am deep down.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I don't want to be so rough, so I'm gonna soften, soften myself a little, probably, but then you know, yeah, contradicting.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna be studying more about cognitive dissonance, decision making, and self-doubt.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, self-doubt and self-esteem are way up on my list.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I feel like clarity.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just like a damn broke, and I'm here, and I know it's coming in strong and it's coming in fast, and like my brain is racing, and I'm so excited.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: It feels so good to tell the truth.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like just to be not a liar, but just to be like, oh, and I have the I have the tattoo.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: It says, know your own truth.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we all know our own truth, we know what makes us content, we know what makes us happy.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we have to be certain kinds of polite to people, but not at the expense of yourself.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I could not save our relationship.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I tried as I was trying, I was going deeper.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was just, I needed to save myself.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if you look at me now, 10 months later, like it feels like everything's a little bit like messed up right now.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know my plans for the future, but I sure do have clarity on where I'm headed, where I want to go.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be more disciplined to myself.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: If something isn't working towards my future, like if it's not helping me to become what I want to become or actually unravel and unreveal like who I want to be, then I'm not gonna do it.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I think, well, you don't want to have, you don't have to, you don't want to have fun.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I do want to have fun.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I still want to go out, and maybe I want to go out swimming.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love swimming, and I haven't swam in a pool for two years, and I used to go all the time.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love swimming.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I not going swimming?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that I had the epiphany the other day when I did the special day exercise, and then I put into AI like, okay, what should I title my episode?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it said, if your life is so sad that you can't have pancakes, we really gotta change your life.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh my God, I have pancakes in the cupboard.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I not make pancakes?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's comforting to me.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's just this is a huge, huge epiphany in my head.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not quite sure I really understand it yet.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to unpack and unravel it.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for staying tuned to this special, very strange, different kind of episode, not your normal scripted podcast.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And mostly I do kind of script stuff because I wanted, I was looking the wrong way.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking for viewers, looking for this, and trying to be a certain way.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, that's not being true to myself.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I think that's all for this week for this little bonus.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: True confessions, raw truth.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you deep down?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: What are you what makes you happy and content?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: What are your desires in your life?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you people pleasing?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And where could you be more gentle?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be more gentle.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be avoidant.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be rude.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know I need to work on the way I talk sometimes because I do, it just comes out wrong.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll think something that I want to say, and it's like when I speak it, it doesn't come out like what I said.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: It will come out to be mean.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I don't even know why that came out that way.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, yep, this is just a learning process for me.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you listen.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And if you listen, just go ahead and follow me because I'm sure we're gonna be on an interesting ride.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is Get It Got It Girl, and I'm getting it.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: No more fake.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna be real to myself.