Latest / Rise & Realign: Conversations for the Sensitive Soul / Ep 11 | Breath, Safety, and the Highly Sensitive Nervous System

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Ep 11 | Breath, Safety, and the Highly Sensitive Nervous System · Rise & Realign: Conversations for the Sensitive Soul

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Welcome to Rise and Realign, Conversations for
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the Sensitive Soul. I'm Melissa, and this space
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is for those of us who feel deeply, love fiercely,
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and sense the world in ways that are hard to
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explain but impossible to ignore. Here, we honor
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your sensitivity as a strength. not something
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to fix. Well, as I paused before hitting record,
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I just allowed the different ideas come to me
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so that what needs to be said is said in the
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sense of what might be most supportive to those
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who walk the path of high sensitivity. Now, I'm
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well aware that, you know, we use the word sensitivity
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in so many different situations. And believe
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me, it is often misunderstood in the way that
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I speak about it. I mean, I've been to multiple
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you know, events where I'm speaking of it and
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the person even in a professional role is unfamiliar
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with it. So, um, actually in a meeting yesterday,
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I spoke about how this is something that I have
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been called to continue to talk about. It's probably
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been, um, gosh, close to 15 years that I've really
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been wanting to understand it more and more.
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I've certainly been teaching about it for about
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10 years, maybe longer than that. Because it's
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really important to understand, especially, I
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mean, I always am grateful for Dr. Elaine Aaron,
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the depth psychologist who did the challenging
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work of the research, you know, and the research
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came out in the 90s while I was still in probably
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ending of my career. no, undergrad program and
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just starting my graduate program. But I did
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not learn about it initially back then, although
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I would have loved to. I trust that there is
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a reason that it came to me later. And you may
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have heard me say it actually came to me first
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as a mom. You know, it wasn't something that
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I was exploring for myself because I was feeling
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like I was navigating life's ups and downs okay.
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Felt, you know, like I had that American dream
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of, you know, marriage, children, home, career.
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But my second born was just a little bit more
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difficult to understand, you know, in the sense
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of he resisted a lot of things. So that's when
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I first learned about how to raise a spirited
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child, highly sensitive child, but I didn't really
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understand the research until, you know, a couple
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years later when it really helped me personally
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in my journey. But what I really want to speak
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to today is that it's not only, you know, this
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scientific research for the sensory processing
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sensitivity trait, right? Because it is a normal
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yet invisible trait. It's in over 100 species.
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And when it comes to humans, it's equal between
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males and females. And approximately 70 % of
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us are introverts, while 30 % are extroverts.
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So there's certainly been, you know, years where
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certain people would be describing an introvert
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and in the sense of calling it introversion.
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Um, when it could have very well been the high
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sensitivity trait for that person. So there may
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be overlap in the sense that there's 70 % of
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us who are introverts, but they're not one in
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the same. There really is unique neuroanatomy,
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a finely tuned central nervous system, and again,
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an evolutionary reason why we respond to our
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environment and our internal cues the way we
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do. do. But for me, having had a very abrupt
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awakening, you know, a real shift in consciousness,
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I really respected that Elaine Aaron and others
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had really put in the work of doing the research.
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Now, I'm not someone who used to turn to research
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quite as often as I would say I have in my latter
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years. But again, it really gave me a framework
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to understand my differences, my children. And
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it is amazing how as I continue to educate on
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it and start to see more pattern recognition,
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you know, in individuals and even my own family
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members, I'm just like, wow, like I grew up in
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a family of highly sensitive individuals, like
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all six of us. So I, I knew I was different from
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my family in the sense that, you know, I just
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did two things differently, but. from a standpoint
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of my whole family, you know, has this trait.
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So in a sense that felt like, well, isn't everybody
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like this? But I have really discovered the importance
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of raising awareness because whether you are
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a highly sensitive person and you don't understand
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why certain things don't bother other people
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or don't affect them the same way, right? Or
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whether you're someone who doesn't have the trait
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and you don't understand why somebody who is
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highly sensitive is feeling the way they're feeling.
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So for me, it was really about being able to
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honor our differences in a more precise way.
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Because we certainly can acknowledge that we
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are all, you know, every single one of us are
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unique individuals. And when we can understand
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that, okay, and roughly 20 % of us, actually
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when the research first came out, it was 15 to
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20 % of us inherited this high sensitivity trait.
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And now with the ongoing research, you know,
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from the UK, as well, we now see that it's shifted
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more 20 to 30 % of us because with more children
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being born with this high sensitivity. So again,
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it's something that I really have continuously
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been called to understand. And it didn't matter
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what I was doing because Throughout my career,
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I mean, I started working in locked psychiatric
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wards at the age of 19. And then, you know, went
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on the track of being a therapist and working
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with, you know, children who had been traumatized,
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adults, also with trauma history, and substance
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abuse history. So those were really the specialties
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in my early career. But understanding why some,
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in a sense, have... a stronger resiliency to
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similar experiences in their lives you know really
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speaks to understanding that there are these
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unique differences within us and our nervous
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systems play a crucial role and so yesterday
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in this meeting um you know was really talking
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about you know, this fascia network that, you
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know, many are talking about these days as far
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as, you know, doing more fascia maneuvers and
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fascia release, you know, and what the fascia
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is in our body and what it stores, right? But
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understanding that for a highly sensitive person,
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like the nervous system, Living in this society,
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if again, I'm living in America, and this is
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where I was born and raised. So, you know, this
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culture of, you know, it's performance, you know,
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push yourself, you know, you need to keep moving
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forward, you need to figure things out, right?
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It keeps that nervous system in this heightened
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it's a bracing you know it's like the nervous
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system is on high alert it's it's in this chronic
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sympathetic mode of the stress response right
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and what that does to our health is is really
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concerning and so I continue to speak about this
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to help people understand why they might be experiencing
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things differently. And this is from a, you know,
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their own reflection about why they felt the
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way they felt or why they thought the way they
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thought, you know, in certain situations to why
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their body is responding the way it is. Because
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I feel like it's not in the conversations that
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are most important when it comes to going And
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talking to others about what you're experiencing.
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And that can be from a family member to a friend
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to a medical professional, right? If the people
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we talk to as highly sensitive women, right?
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Or men for that matter. But if... That person
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doesn't understand the trait, right? Doesn't
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understand what makes us unique. They are not
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able to meet us where we are. perpetuates, right,
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that feeling unsafe in our own body, feeling
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like no one else understands me, or why is it
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so hard for people to understand me, you know,
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and believe me, I have a very loving family.
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And the amount of times that I heard, you know,
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you think too much, you know, or you're too sensitive.
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It's like, to understand no no i actually don't
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think too much and no i'm not too sensitive what
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i am is highly perceptive right what i have is
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a sensory intelligence that i am navigating to
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understand and so oftentimes i find that when
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someone comes to talk to me First and foremost,
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it's about allowing them to slow their breathing
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so that they can relax their nervous system and
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so that they can feel safe because safety, I
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mean, that's so important for each and every
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one of us. And again, when we have a more finely
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tuned central nervous system, right? When we
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are taking in five times more data from our environment,
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right? And when we're more in tune to that interoception
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awareness, right? What's going on on the inner
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side of ourselves, right? Our inner world. It
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just can be... It can be tough to feel heard,
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to feel met, even when we have loving friends
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and family. And so, you know, I'm speaking from
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my heart to yours because I really want you to
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know as someone who is highly sensitive, you
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know, your nervous system is doing what it is.
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designed to do, which is to scan the environment,
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right, to scan for safety. I mean, literally,
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the sensory processing sensitivity trait is an
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innate survival strategy. So when we understand
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that, you know, living in a world where there's
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so much noise, right? And so much conflicting
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information and who's to blame for this and that.
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And, you know, what do we need to protect ourselves
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from? Like, oh my gosh, that's been one of the
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biggest things I've heard, you know, throughout
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the past couple of decades is, you know, protecting
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yourself, protecting your energy, right? Protecting
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yourself from, you know, those out there who
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are thinking about, and power instead of people,
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right? And purpose and really relationships,
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you know? So let's just take a moment now and
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just connect with our breath and our body. I
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invite you to take a nice inhale through the
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nose. And then exhale nice and slow out your
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mouth. Because this is what's really important
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to understand. As highly sensitive individuals,
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every day there is going to be something else
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that needs to be... navigated, right? Whether
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it's something that's arising within you, whether
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it's old thought patterns or something new that's
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coming to the surface in the sense of emotions,
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right? Or whether there's something that's initiated
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from that outer world, right? Through another
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person, calling, writing, requesting. right or
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things that you're hearing that's going on in
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the world that again these things can then activate
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that emotional response that nervous system response
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of oh i need to protect myself so i know it's
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not a super easy path to walk to understand You
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know, that you have a more finely tuned central
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nervous system and why it's so essential that
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you take care of you. And the breath is the way
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through. You know, the breath is the bridge that
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helps you connect to you. Your unique inner guidance.
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You know, your unique... and natural rhythm,
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your own remembrance, you know, of how to tend
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to you. You know, recently I was sharing how
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most people, many people, I'll just say that,
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many people are unaware, of how shallow their
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breathing really is. You know, many people are
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unaware of how frequently they're actually holding
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their breath in a way that keeps them in that
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braced state, right? And, you know, a highly
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sensitive person who is overwhelmed chronically
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and keeps pushing through, they can be the least
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aware, right? So, you know, there's no one right
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way to discern whether you are someone who has
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this trait of high sensitivity. There's certainly
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ways that... I notice as I'm speaking with a
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woman, you know, one on one, and she shares her
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own inner experiences, I can can sense those.
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And then I certainly will use Dr. Elaine Aaron's
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questions, you know, to also discern in what
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areas she's experiencing that, right? So I just
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really wanted to touch on how sensitivity may
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mean different things in different situations.
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But I'm really talking to those who can see more,
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right? I mean, depth of processing means you
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are seeing more of what's going on. You are noticing
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subtleties. You're picking up on patterns, right?
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You're reading between the lines of what somebody
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says, you know, and This isn't something that
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can be learned. You know, we're either born with
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this trait or we're not. And there's no superiority
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in it at all. It is just a difference because
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there is that differential susceptibility. When
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we have this trait and we're in a healthy environment,
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right, cared for, supported, then we have the
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ability to excel at whatever it is, you know.
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we are giving our attention to and tending to.
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And the opposite is true as well. If we're in
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an environment that's unhealthy, that's toxic,
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then we are also going to struggle a bit more
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because again, we're more responsive to our environment.
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But this is again why I take time each week to
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talk, you know, about the importance of taking
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a break and breathing into love, right? Breathing
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into your heart, connecting with your heart.
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Because again, this high sensitivity trait is
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a depth of caring. You know, it's... It's funny
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as I am visiting my family members and, you know,
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I, I'm hearing conversations that they have with
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other people and I'm just reminded of like, you
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know, the highly sensitive individuals who I.
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have the pleasure of knowing more intimately,
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whether that's through family, friendship, colleagues,
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clients, you know, it, there's just a genuine
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caringness, right? Like there's a generosity
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within for, you know, being considerate of others
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needs, you know? Just being generous of heart,
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you know, I mean, I have beautiful souls in my
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life who would just give anything, you know,
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it's just, it truly is a beautiful, beautiful
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thing to witness the depth of caring. And, you
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know, that can also mean that people with this
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high sensitivity trait may be experiencing more
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anxiety in life, right? Because there may be
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deeper patterns of worry about planning what's
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next, might not be as comfortable living or relaxing
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into unknowns or uncertainty when things arise.
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So, again, it's a wonderful trait to understand,
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and so I certainly invite you, if you're not
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familiar with it, you know, to explore it more.
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I have written a nine -part blog series, highly
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sensitive series, just to give a little bit of
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background. So you can find that on my website,
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realignwithmelissa .com slash blog. And there's
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three parts that... speak to more of how the
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mind's operating, three parts that speak to,
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you know, what the body may be experiencing,
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and then three parts that speak to that spirit
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or, you know, that unique soul experience. But
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again, just to give you an idea of how you can
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tend to your own needs, because that is key.
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you know, for you to be able to calm your nervous
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system, for you to be able to experience life
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with more freedom from the past, you know, and,
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and again, releasing that breathing pattern,
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breathing more deeply, all of that is so important,
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because I love what elaine aaron has said you
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know like in in in um in history highly sensitive
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individuals have been you know in roles of uh
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advisors right and she's even said priestly advisors
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so there are enormous gifts within this trait
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and for us to be able to see that and to access
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the gifts our nervous system right our sense
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of safety our ability to really relax and allow
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ourselves to feel and heal and reframe right
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our experiences from this new lens can be very
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very healing and helpful So as a reminder, we
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are here together to rise, reclaim, remember.
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Where the heart leads, the body remembers, and
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the soul awakens. So before we part, I invite
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you to pause again. Maybe rub your hands together.
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Place one hand on your heart if you feel comfortable.
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And just inhale nice and slow and deeply through
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your nose, your own pace and rhythm. And breathe
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love back into yourself. And then exhaling nice
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and slow out your mouth. And as I mentioned,
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if you're ready, you know, to rise out of old
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conditioning and return to your own rhythm, you're
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always welcome to walk with me, whether it's
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listening here each week, whether it's subscribing
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to the Rise and Realign Lunar Letter on my website
26:18
where I send moon day greetings. Or you can also
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explore other ways of support through the Realign
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journey. And you can find all of that on my website,
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realignwithmelissa .com. So take good care of
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you. Much love and light.