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146: Non-Attachment: How to Care Without Carrying Everyone Else · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Hello, hello, hello, my beautiful people.
• 0:30
  Samantha Pruitt: How you doing today, huh?
• 0:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Sam Solo going on it today.
• 0:35
  Samantha Pruitt: My sister Polly is out and about traveling in the universe and celebrating her birthday.
• 0:40
  Samantha Pruitt: So I'm here today to talk to you about practicing non-attachment.
• 0:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Practicing non-attachment.
• 0:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Note I used the word practice as in doing something over and over and over and over to get better at something.
• 1:05
  Samantha Pruitt: Because honestly, non-attachment is a frickin' ninja skill, people.
• 1:12
  Samantha Pruitt: It can take a lifetime to get good at it, and it requires practice.
• 1:18
  Samantha Pruitt: Did you guys know that non-attachment is deeply rooted in Buddhism, Hinduism, and even modern psychology?
• 1:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Here's some frameworks.
• 1:29
  Samantha Pruitt: For Buddhism, they teach that clinging to transient impermanent things creates suffering.
• 1:38
  Samantha Pruitt: That's what they think of attachment teaching.
• 1:41
  Samantha Pruitt: They teach that clinging to transient impermanent things creates suffering.
• 1:46
  Samantha Pruitt: In Hinduism, they teach non-possessiveness and right action without obsession of getting a reward.
• 1:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Nonpossessiveness, right action without the obsession of getting a reward.
• 2:01
  Samantha Pruitt: That's Hinduism.
• 2:03
  Samantha Pruitt: In Western psychology, the framework is about acceptance and commitment.
• 2:08
  Samantha Pruitt: It's actually ACT, the acceptance and commitment theory, which helps people observe their thoughts without judgment and take action based on their personal values.
• 2:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Acceptance and commitment theory is helping people observe their thoughts without judgment and taking action based on their personal values.
• 2:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Ooh, well, maybe I should have started off by confessing that non-attachment is indeed my biggest personal growth project for the year.
• 2:41
  Samantha Pruitt: For me, I call it making space to breathe and letting go so I can grow.
• 2:48
  Samantha Pruitt: And the reason I'm called to this development challenge this year.
• 2:52
  Samantha Pruitt: What is the reason?
• 2:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, these last two years of lifing, politics, the economy, family needs, work life, work, illness, injury, and as of last count, losing eight of my friends and family to death in the last 18 months.
• 3:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Eight.
• 3:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's just say I have felt tested to support all of those around me more than ever.
• 3:24
  Samantha Pruitt: But getting attached to others' pain and suffering, others' process and results is not healthy for me or anyone, frankly.
• 3:36
  Samantha Pruitt: And honestly, it really started to ramp up like next freaking level for me when I got sick myself.
• 3:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I got a bacterial and a fungal infection from the water at Iron Man, Arizona.
• 3:47
  Samantha Pruitt: And I battled that for about six months.
• 3:50
  Samantha Pruitt: And then, and then in the middle of all these things listed above called lifing, I broke my back doing CrossFit not long after.
• 4:00
  Samantha Pruitt: So back-to-back situations where I needed to fix me.
• 4:06
  Samantha Pruitt: My nervous system, my gut and digestive system, my muscle and skeletal system were all wrecked.
• 4:13
  Samantha Pruitt: So my instincts were to go into full-on frickin' superwoman mode.
• 4:19
  Samantha Pruitt: No joke, that's actually my style.
• 4:22
  Samantha Pruitt: See a problem, investigate, educate, empower, aka fix.
• 4:29
  Samantha Pruitt: All things and all humans who are broken, including me.
• 4:34
  Samantha Pruitt: And sometimes, as in a lot, these things or these people actually have nothing to do with me.
• 4:41
  Samantha Pruitt: And truthfully, I really do have zero control or impact over them.
• 4:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Now, that's a hard pill to swallow.
• 4:51
  Samantha Pruitt: And I will always be compassionate, intuitive, emotionally intelligent, generous, energetically connected to those around me.
• 5:04
  Samantha Pruitt: And I'm pretty sure all of that was developed for my lifetime of suffering.
• 5:08
  Samantha Pruitt: And honestly, almost dying twice.
• 5:11
  Samantha Pruitt: I laugh, but it's pretty crazy.
• 5:15
  Samantha Pruitt: However, just because humaning is hard and I do not like to have people around me suffering needlessly, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, does not mean it's my job to fix it.
• 5:27
  Samantha Pruitt: And if you're like me, this superpower can become really dark.
• 5:33
  Samantha Pruitt: In fact, I do say it has a dark side.
• 5:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Do you like to be the rescuer, the strong and wise, one that everybody leans on?
• 5:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Do you make yourself available at all times to be a resource day after day, no matter what the latest crisis is, no matter what human is in crisis?
• 5:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Can you relate to this behavioral pattern?
• 5:58
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, here's the hilarious part of my story.
• 6:01
  Samantha Pruitt: I've actually been called the boundary queen for about a decade or more.
• 6:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Definitely after 50.
• 6:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Truth is, I have worked personally very hard to create and flex limits or guidelines for myself in terms of how I interact with others, generally ensuring my physical, emotional, and mental space is protected from others' encroachment.
• 6:26
  Samantha Pruitt: My values are indeed my highest protected treasures.
• 6:30
  Samantha Pruitt: I've built this muscle.
• 6:34
  Samantha Pruitt: However, this non-attachment muscle.
• 6:37
  Samantha Pruitt: However, somewhere this last year, my boundaries broke down as I too needed to heal, have support from others, and care for my own broken body and heart.
• 6:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Luckily, I have now moved throughout through that really challenging cycle of life and come out the other side.
• 6:57
  Samantha Pruitt: I've healed, I've rebuilt my body and my brain yet again, and my heart.
• 7:04
  Samantha Pruitt: But those old habits and story patterns of being strong for everyone, being wise for everyone, being a resource, being there no matter what, for people to lean on were so triggered.
• 7:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Big time.
• 7:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And that old identity, my old survival instincts crept back in as I spent hours in the doctor's office on the floor in pain, and in fact on the surgery table, desperate.
• 7:36
  Samantha Pruitt: So here I am now, physically and emotionally healthy again, outside in nature, moving my body and spirit freely to rebuild health in all areas of my life, doing what I love.
• 7:52
  Samantha Pruitt: And also, that's what brought me to spending 18 and a half days and 253 miles in the wilderness alone on the JMT.
• 8:01
  Samantha Pruitt: That deep need and motivation to shed grief, pain, old stories, old habit identities, and reconnect with my own power and truth led me to the wilderness.
• 8:16
  Samantha Pruitt: The mountains and the miles allowed me to breathe back into my truth and power and release others' suffering, not just my own.
• 8:25
  Samantha Pruitt: And now so I continue and will continue to practice non-attachment, just like I did in the wilderness.
• 8:35
  Samantha Pruitt: Basically, what I did was number one, I expected nothing.
• 8:40
  Samantha Pruitt: And yet at the same time, I was open to everything.
• 8:45
  Samantha Pruitt: Number two, I tried not to judge myself or others, and instead be fully aware and engaged in the moment.
• 8:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Number three, as my heart was pumping and my lungs were expanding, I breathed air and space into my life rather than trying to control it.
• 9:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Number four, in peeling back my own layers, I discovered I was not actually the human trapped in the body.
• 9:15
  Samantha Pruitt: I, like all of you, are spirits or souls, simply living this lifetime inside this package.
• 9:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And as we experience this earth school in this crazy, crazy earth school, in this body that we were delivered into, we get to choose the curriculum.
• 9:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Nobody else.
• 9:36
  Samantha Pruitt: So being attached to others, like an academic path or coast or course load of others' lives, makes no sense at all.
• 9:46
  Samantha Pruitt: We need all the energy, focus, patience, wisdom to pass our own damn classes.
• 9:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And lastly, number five, our ego wants us to attach our identity to others' results.
• 10:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Our ego wants us to believe that we have the power and the answers, that we will drive results for others, our children, our friends, our family, our jobs, our communities.
• 10:14
  Samantha Pruitt: But the ego is bullshit.
• 10:17
  Samantha Pruitt: What is real and possible is that all humans deserve their own liberation and joy.
• 10:25
  Samantha Pruitt: All those lives who you touch are free.
• 10:29
  Samantha Pruitt: They are also free, just like you, to think, feel, act out their own life journey.
• 10:36
  Samantha Pruitt: We just share the space with them and they share it with us.
• 10:40
  Samantha Pruitt: We get the privilege, and this is not a work assignment, but the privilege to bear witness to the beauty of both the suffering and the salvation of those around us.
• 10:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Now, let's get on with your own precious life, beautiful people.
• 10:57
  Samantha Pruitt: And I'll see you next week.