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Money Fear After Divorce: Will I Be Okay Financially? · Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, it's Coach Deborah and welcome to this bonus coaching episode of Bent Not Broken, Starting Over After Divorce.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you listened to my recent conversation with Donna Kendrick, there was one question that stayed with me long after we finished recording.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Am I going to be okay?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because isn't that really what we're asking when we're worried about money after divorce?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: We may be asking, can I afford the house?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: How much money do I need?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Will I ever be able to retire?
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to do about this debt?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath all of those questions is something much deeper.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Am I going to be okay?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about that fear and what you can do when your financial future feels so overwhelming that you don't even know where to begin.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things Donna talked about in our conversation was the difference between decisions that need to be made immediately, decisions that can be made during the transition, and decisions that belong further down the road.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's incredibly important because when you're going through a divorce, everything can feel urgent.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're dealing with attorneys, paperwork, bank accounts, credit cards, maybe selling or refinancing a home, and possibly figuring out how you're going to live on one income.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you're doing all of that while you're grieving.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you know ending the marriage is the right decision, you're still experiencing loss.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're losing the future you thought you were going to have.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So of course you're overwhelmed.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: The problem comes when fear convinces us that we have to figure out our entire life right now.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: When I work with women who are rebuilding their lives, one of the things I encourage them to do is stop looking at the entire mountain.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Instead ask, what do I know today?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then, what is one thing I can do with that information?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't know exactly what your retirement will look like.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: But today you can find out how much is in your retirement account.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't know whether you'll be able to keep your house.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: But today you can determine exactly what it costs you each month to live there.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've never handled the household finances.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today you can pull your credit report.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can make a list of your accounts, you can find your insurance policies, you can start gathering statements, you can open an account in your own name if that's appropriate for your situation.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: None of those things solves everything, but each one gives you something incredibly important.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Information.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And information begins to replace fear with clarity.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I also want you to recognize that money after divorce isn't about numbers.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Money represents security, independence, freedom.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes our self-worth gets tangled up in it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you spent years depending on someone else financially or you've been told you're bad with money, you may begin this next chapter believing you are capable of managing your finances.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But not knowing something and being incapable of learning it are two completely different things.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can learn, you can ask questions, you can get professional help.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to be embarrassed because you didn't know something before.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're learning it now.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what matters.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's another emotional decision I want to touch on.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: The house.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: For many women, keeping the marital home can feel incredibly important.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I understand why.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: When so much of your life is changing, the house may represent stability.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's where your children grew up, it's where your holidays happened.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's familiar.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: But here's a question I want you to consider.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, how can I keep my house?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Ask, does keeping this house support the life I'm building?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because those aren't necessarily the same thing.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Keeping the house may be exactly the right decision, or letting it go may give you financial freedom to build something new.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Neither choice means you failed.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to one of my favorite takeaways from my conversation with Donna.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: The next best minute.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So don't.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Come back to this minute.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's the next best thing you can do?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's making a phone call.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's putting$25 into savings.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's opening that envelope you've been afraid to open.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's making an appointment with a financial advisor.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's simply sitting down with a notebook and writing, here's what I know, here's what I don't know, and here's what I need help with.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's progress.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And progress doesn't have to be dramatic to change your life.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my challenge for you this week.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to choose one financial action you've been avoiding.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Not 10, but one.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you check your credit.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you look at your bank balance.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you calculate your essential monthly expenses.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you locate your retirement statement.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you start an emergency fund.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, do one thing that gives you greater clarity about where you are today.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And when you've done that, ask yourself, what's my next best minute?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because rebuilding doesn't happen all at once.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It happens decision by decision, minute by minute, step by step.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're starting over after divorce and you're scared about money, your home, your future, or whether you're going to be okay, I want you to remember something.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to know exactly what the next chapter looks like before you begin writing it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Start with what you know.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Learn what you don't know.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for help when you need it, and take the next best step you can take today.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: You may have been bent by what you've experienced, but you still have the ability to decide what's next.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is Coach Deborah, and you've been listening to Bent Not Broken, starting over after divorce.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't listened to my full conversation with Donna Kendrick, go back and listen.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about practical ways to take control of your finances during divorce, widowhood, or other major life transitions.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, remember, you don't have to rebuild your entire life today.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: You only have to take the next best step.