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Beyond the Blame Game: Taking Ownership in Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for March 30th, 2026 Beyond the Blame Game Taking Ownership
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  in Marriage Today I heard about a 27-year-old man who blames losing his job
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  on his mother's failures when he was a child.
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  No. He's been an adult for nine years. It's on him.
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  I often discuss our current struggles tracing back to things our parents did
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  or did not do when we were growing up.
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  It's a valid thing, and most of us have at least some places where our past
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  is negatively influencing our present.
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  But the goal of seeing the roots of these issues is not to blame our parents
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  or abdicate our responsibility to deal with the fallout.
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  The goal is to figure it out, heal, and change.
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  Understanding why we behave as we do and feel what we feel is an important step
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  to healing. But then it's our job to do the work.
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  No one is going to give you a past because of what mom did or what dad didn't do.
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  And this includes your spouse. Your spouse might be more empathetic than most
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  people, but that only goes so far and only lasts so long.
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  For what it's worth, I know some people who suffered really horrible things
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  from their parents who have become happy and functional.
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  It was difficult, but they worked at it, getting help as needed,
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  and it slowly got better and better.
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  If you have been unable to get over your past, please, please, please get some help.
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  If you don't, you will continue to be miserable, and your life will suffer.
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  What happened to you was neither right nor fair, but it happened Now it's up
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  to you to make it better This is Paul,
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  and blaming your upbringing is not doing marriage well A relator resource Check
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  out Addressing Our Trauma Stories
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  Within Marriage from the Allender Center There's a link in the show notes.