Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Unlocking Personal Connections Through Love Languages | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 25

Transcript

Unlocking Personal Connections Through Love Languages | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 25 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everyone to another episode of the Pillowfort Sessions from around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: This is your host.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: El Comodine, the Cuddle Gigolo, colonel McBree, taco Knuckle, all those above, but you can just call me Julius or, if you're feeling fancy, you can call me HH Julius Officially.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: This is your entertainment creative here for another episode.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: And today, as y'all know from before, I like to get into a specific topic, sometimes talked about in the group show and just something I like to dive deep into, get a little nerdy if I will, and then we can go from there.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: One of the topics, pretty much every topic I talk about, has a little something to do with my identity.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I work with it, work through it, works out.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: It's a part of me in some way and something I just relate to.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: And yet again, here we go.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But before I get into the today's topic, make sure you go ahead and join the campfire.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Kinksters on Instagram that is our social media for now Might be expanding soon, see.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, go ahead and rate this uh podcast, if you, if you like it, go ahead and rate it.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: We're on all the major platforms spotify, apple, amazon, yada, yada, yada and so on.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And therefore, for as of now and speaking of now, now you know what time it is.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: It is that time for the ASMR.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I say five minutes, but it's really just like 10 seconds.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: We'll see if we make it to 20 this time Today.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Yet again, the drink I'm drinking is not sponsored as of yet.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: We'll see how that goes in the future, but it is one of my favorites.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: You've heard me drink it before.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk about it before.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk it before.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk about it before.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk about it and drink it before.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It is a sparkling ice, caffeine plus sparkling ice plus caffeine.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, sparkling ice.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: You know there's no special name for it.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: You have sparkling ice, you have sparkling ice plus caffeine.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: And this flavor is the blue raspberry.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite flavors.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Goodness, cherry and blueberry and raspberry.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: There's no blueberries.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Blue raspberry, regular raspberry is good, blue raspberry is good.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I'll eat all the raspberries Delicious, the real ones and the drink ones and the candy ones and all those different things.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: But anyways, as we get into this, let's do the ASMR 10 seconds In 3, 2, 1.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Not even 10 seconds.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: That was a good ASMR.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: 5 seconds All right.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Enough playing around.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Let's get serious here.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, today's topic is something you've probably heard a lot about.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Don't know if you've done a whole lot of deep diving, but we're going to do that today.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, this topic today is the love languages.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, a lot of people talk about it.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Are they important?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Are there actually set love languages or people just kind of make it up as they go?
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: The answer is yes, there's set love languages and, yes, you can make it up as you go.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I guess, however you like to receive and express love quote unquote doesn't have to actually be love, just strong affections for people.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I would argue, and I'm going to explain throughout this episode, that you can do this for friends, family, whoever acquaintances.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: It's basically just to show that you care for the person.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even have to be like deep care, just the fact that you feel a certain way and be like hey, I recognize you as a person and I'd like to keep communicating with you as much as possible.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So that's what we're talking about today Keep communicating with you as much as possible.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So that's what we're talking about today.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: We're going to go over, of course, how it came to be good tips and what they are exactly.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: So the five main love languages as of now, let's just say that, and especially during my whole research here, that I didn't really find too many more that were just concrete love languages, but the main ones, five main ones are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts Receiving gifts or just gifts Just gifts, because it's not gift giving, because you can receive it as well.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I will also say that all these love languages are different as far as giving and receiving.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I will say that you can have love languages that you like to give out and there's certain ones that you like to receive, and they can be the same and or different.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Just so y'all know I wanted to talk about this, especially because you hear a lot about it, in podcasts mainly, and then other shows.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: People talk about love languages, languages, this, and did you know that there's actually tests?
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: There are tests to see which love languages represent you the most?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Just fyi, okay, just so y'all know that is a thing and it didn't.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: And also, love languages are not like scientifically backed, it's just something that's.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: A guy named, named Gary Chapman, published a book back in 1992 to talk about basically the couples that he was counseling were misunderstanding each other's needs.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, so put it simply like that Misunderstanding your partner's needs is a big thing and a lot of people are lot of people don't realize what their language is and I'm sure most of us have seen like a TikTok or something who just doesn't understand or she just keeps doing the same thing.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I've told them for like 10, 15 years and if I have to say something that's just dumb, just say it.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Why are we not talking to our partners?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: You've been with them over decades in this particular case, but a long time.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Let's just say that.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: And you're just making assumptions.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And you know Julius does not like the assuming game.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Let's just go ahead and say what it is.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Just because you have to talk about it doesn't make it any less.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: The person still has to make the choice.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: It's still a choice to give you that sign of affection that they prefer, you prefer.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: It has to be communicated.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: All right, if you say you like one thing and they're giving it to you, don't be like, oh, it didn't mean as much because they didn't know.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: That's just dumb.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Why would you not just say anything?
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Where do we get this whole entire trope or whatever you want to call it that just because somebody, you have to tell somebody what you want, it doesn't mean as much.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: They still have to go out and go get it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: There's effort there, energy, time, usually money in most, in some cases, depending on what your love language is, that's a, that's an issue and that person has to take that time to go out and do that thing for you.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: So I don't understand where this, if I to say something, where did that even come from?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: That's so stupid.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, so Pastor Gary Chapman in 92 had at that point counseled a lot of couples and he recognized that there was a misunderstanding.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Shockingly, couples.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It's interesting that his book has been around since 1992, love languages that he coined himself.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And we're still questioning what love languages are.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Why is this?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: It's like an urban legend.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Ooh, love languages Like half people know what it is and know what theirs are and half the people are like what is a love language?
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: It's like why are we doing this now, in this day and age?
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Why are we doing this?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Is this a joke?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Are we being serious?
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: What is going on here?
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I don't understand.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I have a love language and it's being paid for and opening doors and just tell me you like me.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like what?
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: There's official names for this.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: What are we doing?
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: There's actual names.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't understand why we're still doing this Back in 92.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Also, just a little asterisk note on there.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: These are the five main ones that I'm talking about.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, that I mentioned before and I'll go into more detail here in a second or maybe a minute that there could be more.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: As of yet, this pastor Chapman goodness pastor came up with these himself and I'll just like to say that there is, like there actually is a little urban legend that he came up with this to like seduce One of his younger parishioners was just say that they're barely legal, just for legal purposes, allegedly.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Let's just say that allegedly, because I heard about it before, having spoken to people about love languages, but I didn't find any of my research, but I didn't really dive deep into that because it's like okay, why?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, all right, it's not a actual thing by a scientific body, just like the myers-briggs test, okay, but my point with this, and pretty much everything that I talk about, is you should have a conversation with your partner.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Stop making assumptions.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: It's so ridiculous If somebody is giving you a gift and you're like but I just cared about your time.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I don't need flowers.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: People don't understand this.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: It's like oh yeah, we just make this assumption Everybody likes flowers.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: No, some people actually don't like flowers or chocolates, or they're lactose intolerant.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Do we think about that part?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe they just want to be like hey, I like your shirt or your shoelaces.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be one way.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: You should have a conversation with your partner.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: See what they enjoy.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe they just like a massage.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Do you ever think about that?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Don't wash that.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: What?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Right now, you are missing out their person.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Oh man, that is good.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Or face rub Okay, if you don't know anything about face rubs, I tell you right, right, okay, all right, just go ahead and try it one time, especially from a partner.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: If you get a good old face rub, I'm telling you right now you will get some good deep cuddling after that.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not hinting at anything, I'm just letting you know exactly what I like.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Good old touch, physical touch, okay.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Identifying love languages Recall, you try to recall things asked for in relationships and how you express love.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: It's always different for everybody and also, as I said, there are giving love languages and there are receiving love languages.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Now, I haven't seen a test for what love languages you like to receive, but there are plenty of tests for which love languages you like to give.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: So once you take a test for the language you like to give, just let it sink in deep and then be like, oh, this is what I like to receive.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: No, I'm saying that backwards, I am totally saying that backwards.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: So there are tests for there are tests for love languages that you like to receive, but none about what you like to give.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: At least for my research.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I did very extensive, whole entire 30 minute to two hours research on this whole thing.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So obviously I'm an expert.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: He says sarcastically Okay, so just make sure you make note of that.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So even the people that know about love languages and know what their love languages are, even those people don't know that there's two different types.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: So just make a mental note of that and do your research for later, because I won't be talking about any tests.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: There ain't going to be any pop quizzes on this podcast.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to put this information out there.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Because my name is Julius, I pass the information on.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I would never write a book.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: It'd be more of a pamphlet In reference to the stuff that I've talked about previously.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Thus far, in all legal jargon, mmm raspberry.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I talked about the love languages.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I went over them very briefly, so now let's go ahead and break them down, not too extensively, but just give you some examples.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: First one is quality time.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: That is my favorite giving and receiving.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I just know that because I took the test for the one and I'm like you know what, if I like somebody, I'm going to spend time with them.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: It could be up to 100 yards away, I don't know.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Another thing about quality time is like, what are we doing here?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: But I would argue, before I get into the um, the book, the technical terms of it, that it is just okay.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: So you can't really let someone be like oh, I thought about you for 5.5 seconds today or, and you know, I, collectively this whole week, I thought about you for 28.35 seconds.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's incorrect mathing, but whatever, I don't know how exactly you would do that.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: But as far as I'm concerned, drinks, give me burps, blastberry burps, blue raspberry, put that together I would argue that quality time is anything from texting to actually being with the person, like touching distance, because I'm actually thinking about them and letting them know I'm thinking about them being an introvert that's a kind of interesting thing versus an extrovert, because I know extroverts so I've heard, just like to talk.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: But as an introvert, if I'm wasting, using I only get so many words per day, okay.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: As an expert on introverts, and because you guys know from the podcast before he says very sarcastically, expert, that introverts only use words sparingly.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So if we use a word on you, then you should feel special.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: No, the point is I negotiate.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I would negotiate if it came down to the nitpicky that even texting, anything from texting to be in person, is showing the quality time.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: For me that is very special because I hate wasting my time and I hate wasting other people's time, having my time wasted yada yada, yakety, shmakety, wasting my time, and I hate wasting other people's time having my time wasted yada yada, yakety, schmackety.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: So if I'm doing, if I'm communicating with someone, that means I care about them.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, and it doesn't have to be a romantic partner, because you know I'm a romantic.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: So aromantic, aromantic, I kind of like that aromantic, aromantic.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that, I like that Aromantic, aromantic.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that communication thing is kind of a big deal.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, had to think about that for a second.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: That's interesting.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's not just romantic partners, friends, family, like I said, I'm going to blanket term it with everybody.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Any kind of relationship, okay At the Pillowfort Sessions.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: A relationship does not have to be romantic.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: It is any kind of relationship you have with anybody, from acquaintances all the way up to partners okay, spouses, whatever you want to call it A relationship To let the person know that you care.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That's why they have these quote-unquote love languages and I should do quote-unquote now just because of that, because, yeah, it to have actually have to do with love.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: So, like I was talking before in the previous episode about asexuality, there is uh terms that we use like emotional attachment or attraction, but it's actually like personality.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: So, say love languages, it's just affection languages.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure we'll, we'll do that because it's not a better word.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: But on the technical side, quality time is giving your partner full attention.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: So even in person, not having your phone up or anything like that listening to other people giving their full attention.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And also, if you're not in person, like when I'm texting, I'm texting that partner specifically, or person family member, so I'm giving you my time.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I could just ignore it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Would that make you feel better.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: No, it's very antagonizing, but my point is I'm spending time conversing and thinking about you, so that means I care for you.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, in person eye contact, thoughtfully interacting and active listening.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: That is a skill.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Active listening People don't understand there's a difference between just listening, hearing people, and then actively listening.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: It's like did you absorb the words that I told you or did I absorb the words that you told me?
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Active listening okay, so it's a purposeful listening, Remembering, taking it in.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: So this technical part says in person.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: But I, julius, would argue you can do it from afar as well Texting, talking on the phone, yada, yada, and I know some people have a thing between texting and phone calls.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: We're not going to get into the nitty gritty.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: However, you choose to communicate with your peoples.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Is what I'm talking about the fact that you did it at all?
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I would argue, me personally, that that is considered quality time.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Number two physical touch.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I also rank very high on physical touch.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Me personally, I wonder why I chose these two first.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I wonder Physical touch.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's kind of self-explanatory, not so much a gray area with quality time, but physical touch holding hands, hugging, kissing, physical interaction, any kind of thing, just rubbing skin together.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I, as a primary person, primal person, physical touch is very much a thing.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I have very high skin sensitivity.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: It, as a primary person, primary primal person, physical touch is very much a thing.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I have very high skin sensitivity.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have anything to do with primal, but I react specifically with partners and touching.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I also don't like being bumped.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I hate being bumped, it drives me insane.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Just don't touch me unless I know you.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: We negotiate this first blueberry, so make sure you get consent before you just start touching people.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Goodness gracious, it's just craziness.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: So physical touch, definitely giving is very high as well with the quality time, because if I touch you that means I am cool with you.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Just so you know, physical touch is a thing Passing of energy.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you well, I mean you can do it without actually touching, but hovering over somebody, just the energy transfer is big with the physical touch.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, for me I should say so, not too much explaining, extrapolating, elaborating on physical touch.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I think that's pretty much in there.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Of course you have all the different you know, romantic and sexual touching.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: However, whatever degree on the spectrum you consider that I would just say touching at all means something, because I don't like somebody, I don't want them touching me.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you that right now, and I can also go throughout the day.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I should say that as well.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: It's like a caveat here.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: A little asterisk on the love languages.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: This is also a spectrum, people, this is not like a set thing when you were born.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is not a nature thing.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Love languages change and that change could happen throughout the day.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Your mood could affect it, all those different things.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: So I just want to say that as well.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: All right, as we move on to number three, acts of service.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, this one is kind of vague as far as I'm concerned.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to say the technical thing doing something kind or helpful, such as chores, and then also a notice or appreciation of little things that are done for you or for someone else.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: So, yes, chores is a big thing, picking up something that somebody needs to get, even like grabbing some milk oh, I saw you were out of milk and I was at the grocery store, so I was thinking of you here.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: It's the thought that counts.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: That's where this falls into Specifically, it's the acts of service type of deal.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: You did something to make somebody else's life easier or they did that for you to make your life easier, kind of sort of.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: So hopefully that that kind of makes sense with acts of service, cause a lot of people don't really know what those are exactly.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: But yeah, you made it, you made that person's, that person, that person made your life easier or you made that person's life easier.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Giving and receiving.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: This is a kind of this or that type of deal.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: The other ones are kind of in between.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I would say more specifically, especially with acts of service, it's like you're giving something or getting something specifically, as you can see, that is not ranked very high for me, julius.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: So it's like that thing can see that is not very ranked very high for me, julius.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: So it's like, oh yeah, this is that thing.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, you, you did that for me, thank you.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: So this is really where the miscommunication has come in, not with specifically ask of service, but understanding what your person I was going to say partner person, whoever it is that you're trying to get closer to show your affection for, get affection.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what it is that you're trying to get closer to show your affection for, get affection.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what it is, building that relationship, understanding their love languages, cause I mean, you can clean somebody's whole house, but if their love language is not access service, they could give a fuck.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: So when you're thinking, oh, this person is going to like this, how about you?
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: You probably want to have a conversation first.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Like I said, and not just because I'm a physical touch person but if you haven't had a face rub from a um, and not in a dirty way, okay, I know y'all something to think.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, listen, here some people got boobies and when they rub it on your face feels pretty good, okay, but we're talking about an actual face rub here, like the, the good kind.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: If you've never had that before, oh, you are missing out.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I'll just let y'all know right now.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I'm flashing back right now just thinking about all those times I didn't have face rubs the legit way.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, not the dirty way.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: But make sure again, make sure you're communicating with your person to make sure that's what they even like.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, goodness, there's nothing worse than washing a whole sink of dishes and then you find out the person could give a fuck less so bad.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It's like I did all that work for nothing.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Now, these aren't socially transactional.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, they're not transactional, but if I'm trying to show affection for somebody I care about and then they don't care, that's just oh, that's a funny kind of rejection.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure y'all know what I'm talking about.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: If you try to be in a relationship with anybody or done something like, hey, mom, I did this for you, and they're just like, okay, it's like oh, but I did all my chores.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, the pain, oh, so bad, let's stop this right now.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: So I am taking my experiences and my knowledge that I've done and hopefully putting it out there for y'all.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness, just so you don't have to go through those kind of things either, although rejection should just be a part of life.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: But man, oh man, there are certain times it just hits you.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to stop flashing back now.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Number four words of affirmation.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, telling your partner they look good.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Affirmation, okay, telling your partner they look good.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Telling your sister they look good, brother, whoever that they look good, how much you also, how much you care about them.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Spoken, so a big old thing about this.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Uh, words of affirmation.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: You have to actually use words.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: The technical definition says spoken, uh words and like, showing like, actually showing appreciation and praise, that type of thing.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: But I mean, I'm pretty sure it works in like texts and phone calls to a video message.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Whatever you want to do, the fact is that you're actually using words, written or spoken, to let them know that you appreciate them.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Now, I don't rank high on words of affirmation, but I, you know, if it compliments are like man, okay, okay, fine, my hair looks good today, thank you, I'd rather get hey, I see you working hard for that thing and I'm recognizing that you do.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Also, I noticed this about you and I like that as well, and when somebody makes a note of your efforts, that's always good.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I know for me it works.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: So I probably got like a half, half a thing in words of affirmation.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: It's uh, it's good to be appreciated, no matter what, I will say that, as somebody that doesn't rank high, I still.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I still like you're doing, are you doing a good job there?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Hard work's been done.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: I recognize that.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Always good as far as I'm concerned.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: But yeah, a lot of people like compliments, a lot of people like praise.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: That works very well for them, uh, for those type of people.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: So just make sure you give and receive.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: I will say I've learned, I've come to term that's horrible and horrible I use.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how to say this correctly.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I've learned that words of affirmation are good for the people that come around me, so I've learned to give that.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So, as far as receiving, I like quality of time and touch, but giving is still quality of time, not so much touch but words of affirmation.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: So it changes for me.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: The second one changes for me.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I will say that Access service I could care less.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: And then finally, fifth, once again I could care less, but this is just for me, is gifts.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: So once again I could care less, but this is just for me, is gifts.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: So once again, it's the thought that counts and this kind of thing.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: So not so much doing, but actually giving somebody something or receiving a gift.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: It just shows that you thought for them.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I would argue that if you made the gift or something, it would be more meaningful.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: So that kind of bleeds over into acts of service, that type of thing.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: So if I make you a sweater, I don't know just that kind of isn't active.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm keeping you warm, so that's doing something that makes your life better, but it is actually a gift because it's a sweater.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know, that's how it kind of blends together.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Once again, not high on either one of those, so I don't know the difference or how the symbolization works.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: But gifts, thoughtfulness and effort, time and effort as well, so kind of bleed over to quality time putting into selecting it or making it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: And then it's thoughtful and you care about their preferences.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: So hopefully you got to know the person a little bit.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Be like oh, I heard you always wanted this keyboard.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Here you go, a fancy keyboard.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: It makes mechanical noises and clackety-clack.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: That's a thing now for the non-tech geek people Mechanical keyboards and the clicking and clacking.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: The people that know enjoy that kind of thing.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: So if you've done your research and been like oh, they talk about this all the time, let me get them one of these.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, there you go, you are using your gift giving.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Love languages Okay.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: So I'll say this again Love languages are a spectrum.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: They do change and there's difference between giving and receiving.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep saying that over and over again because a lot of people don't realize this.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I think it's set.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Let's get the knowledge out there.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: It's not set, it is a spectrum, okay To change.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: There is a test to figure out which ones you like receiving.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Still haven't found the one for giving yet, but there is a difference giving and receiving.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: So I have a few minutes left here, so let me talk about the benefits to your relationships and maybe the criticisms We'll see.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, benefits to your relationship obviously, break down the miscommunication and get rid of those stupid assumptions.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Why do people still want to talk?
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't get it.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Assumptions Get them out of there.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, let's just get them out of there.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go on my shoebox again.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Get rid of those stupid assumptions.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Let's see here I got a few benefits.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Number one benefits to your relationships Promote selflessness okay, because you're focused on the other person's needs.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Once again, it doesn't have to be a relationship or a romantic relationship all different friends, family, whatever.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: You're focused on their needs, so not on yourself.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: You learn to respond and not try to change people.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, don't try to change people.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: That's horrendous.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: And then you share love quote unquote love, affection, whatever you want to call it in a meaningful way, all right.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Also, they help to create empathy, because you learn from your person that you are connecting with and you learn how to empathize and take a look at how the other person feels, okay, like, oh, I gave you this thing.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: You have looked like you are happy about it.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Empathy Very good thing to have If we recognize the love languages, which ones we like to receive and which ones we like to give.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Another thing you learn how to put other people's needs above your own and speak a language See how that worked there that your partner understands Love language, partner person, whoever it is Okay, I'm reading off my notes, they just had partner in there.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: It's like that's not the only thing you can use love language for For people.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: If I have a really good friend that I've known for a while and they really wanted this thing, I can go and get it for them or something that just symbolizes that, hey, I recognize you as a person.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I went out of, stepped outside of myself and thought about what you liked and got it for you, took the time and effort to go do the thing or make the thing, or got everybody to get it for you.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, that type of thing.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, maintain intimacy.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, it kind of goes into the romantic side, but it's intimacy Okay, just kind of the connection Understanding the increasing connection in a more meaningful way.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: So let's not say like romantic intimacy, okay, it's just the connection that you have between you and the other person.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: You maintain that and it's um, I don't know for the philosophy, people there and the energy transfer.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: There's a I forgot like string theory or whatever.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: As far as that's concerned.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I think that's string theory, basically any part that you interact with.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I'll just go over really quick.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: There's an energy attachment there.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: So, no matter how far away you are, until that person or you, whoever it is, leave this mortal plane, you will always have a connection somehow.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: And this is love.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Language has helped to build that connection.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: If you actually care about the person, okay.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: And then also, let's not forget, anytime you learn more about yourself, there's always personal growth.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: So personal growth happens when you focus on something outside yourself and then you get out of your comfort zone, which motivates change and helps you to, of course, think beyond yourself.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: All right, let us remember that Personal growth.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Anytime there's introspection and some kind of learning.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Usually there's some kind of growth, but with growth there's always a mistake.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: So remember that as you're going through this, you will make mistakes, unfortunately, but as long as you grow from them.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: It's not permanent, it's not that big of a deal.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Well, it depends on how big the mistake is.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you didn't wreck any of the relationships, but I hate to be that guy, but there's always fish in the sea, okay, oh goodness.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: And hopefully your family will just okay, that's them.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: They're learning.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Hopefully they take that into account.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: And, lastly, we share meaningful affection.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Once you start speaking the love languages, you get more intentional actions and then that develops more appreciation for you because you took the time to get to know the person and learn more about them.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I've kind of run out of time, but there are some criticisms.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: As I said before, there was that little urban legend Pastor Chapman was trying to get with a young parishioner.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Before there was that little urban legend, pastor chapman was trying to get with a young parishioner.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: So there's that you can use this stuff toxically.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Uh, love bombing is a thing and of course, the psychotics I can't, whatever it is, those evil dark triad people you know they can try to use this against somebody.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Love bombing is one of the ways.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Also, love languages aren't used to fix problems, they are to help maintain relationships.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: So once you learn, it's not like you, just oh, there it is, it's all done, that's it.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I figured it out.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: There's kind of a pressure to learn about somebody when you talk about love languages.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I know the people that know kind of like to judge other people that don't know.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: This is just supposed to be helpful for not to be judged or to judge other people.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Also, just remember this has nothing to do with how you, your gender representation or your sexual orientation.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: This is for everybody.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: That's how many times I keep saying this.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: That's why they're not even trying to be politically correct here by using like they, them and other people and partners and stuff like that, because just being politically correct is stupid.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I actually believe this stuff.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: It's for anybody.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Blueberry, blue, raspberry, yep.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, just remember that.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: This is, oh goodness.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can always use all this stuff for evil.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Everything I've talked to you about.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: If you do enough research, you can.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: It makes you a shitty person.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: But why?
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Why do that?
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Uh, and hopefully, if you are new to these kind of things and these kind of discussions that we have here on the pillow fort sessions, this will help you bolster your defenses.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you got at least plus five to defense or something Plus five to stamina, dexterity, agility.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: You can always dodge the punches.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you learned a little bit of something from this about love, languages and also that there are different kinds.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Once again, giving and receiving.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Maintaining that intimate bond with your people that you care about, it's very important.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, have these discussions.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Get rid of those assumptions.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: I don't understand why.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Let's get rid of the assumptions, goodness.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, julius is off his rant.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: We're back to Mr Taco, knuckle, cuddle, cuddle, gigolo entertainment creative here for you.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: The pillow fort sessions should be around 30 minutes.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: Hopefully that's what we clocked in at Uh didn't go over too much, but you can cast these episodes on most Thursdays of the month on all the major platforms Spotify, apple, yahoo, amazon, all those different kind of things.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: And then also we have an Instagram page Campfire Kingsters.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Campfire with a K Around the kinky campfire, always Campfires with a K.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say it, but I really want to.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: All the Ks, oh man.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: But yes, this is officially HH Julius, your entertainment creative.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: That is all for now.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: We will speak to you again next week, hello.