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The Risks You Take When You Fail To Be Present For Yourself · Create The Best Me

• 0:01
  I bet you're the one who always says yes, aren't you?
• 0:06
  You are the one who handles the crisis at work, remembers every single birthday, and soaks up everyone else's stress.
• 0:16
  On the outside, you probably look like you're crushing it.
• 0:19
  You are the reliable one, the strong one, the one everyone counts on.
• 0:26
  You've become the hub of the wheel for your family, friends, and career.
• 0:32
  It feels like the whole thing depends on you to keep it spinning and to bear the load.
• 0:40
  And you've gotten so good at it, you probably don't even question it anymore.
• 0:46
  It's just who are you?
• 0:50
  But if you're so good at holding it all together, why do you feel exhausted, so drained, so completely disconnected.
• 1:02
  You're constantly showing up for everyone else.
• 1:05
  But let's be honest: what happens when you repeatedly fail to show up for yourself?
• 1:13
  But let's be honest: That feeling of being disconnected is more than just stress.
• 1:18
  But let's be honest: It's a quiet alarm going off in the back of your life, warning you that your relationship, your health, and your very sense of self are on the line.
• 1:32
  But let's be honest: And that alarm is getting harder and harder to ignore.
• 1:37
  But let's be honest: So let's talk about the real risk you're taking and more importantly, how to pull back before it's too late.
• 1:46
  Let's get one thing straight: failing to be present for yourself isn't about having a busy schedule.
• 1:55
  Let's get one thing straight: It goes deeper than that.
• 1:57
  Let's get one thing straight: It's a slow creeping pattern of self abandonment.
• 2:01
  Let's get one thing straight: It's the habit of shoving your own needs, feelings, and dreams to the bottom of the list right after everyone else's.
• 2:12
  Let's get one thing straight: It's the thousand tiny ways you give a piece of yourself away every day.
• 2:18
  Let's get one thing straight: It's saying, I'm fine when you're actually crumbling.
• 2:23
  Let's get one thing straight: It's ordering the food everyone else wants, watching their movie and building your day around their agenda until what you want is just a faint, forgotten whisper.
• 2:38
  Let's get one thing straight: We've been taught that our worth comes from what we do, our productivity, our service, our availability to juggle, all with a smile.
• 2:51
  Let's get one thing straight: But in the process of becoming a human who's doing, you can forget how to be a human who's being.
• 3:00
  Let's get one thing straight: This isn't a sudden implosion.
• 3:02
  Let's get one thing straight: It's a slow fade.
• 3:04
  Let's get one thing straight: It's like a photograph left in the sun, losing its color so gradually you don't notice until one day you'll look at it and realize it's just a ghost of what it used to be.
• 3:20
  Let's get one thing straight: That feeling of being a stranger in your own life?
• 3:26
  Let's get one thing straight: That's the first sign, the risks are no longer just risks.
• 3:31
  Let's get one thing straight: They're becoming your reality.
• 3:33
  Let's get one thing straight: The silence when you're asked, what do you want, the hesitation when you have a free hour, that's nagging dissatisfaction, even after a productive days; these are the symptoms.
• 3:48
  Let's get one thing straight: But the root cause is self neglect and the consequences are serious.
• 3:54
  Let's get one thing straight: So let's look at the high stakes of failing to be present.
• 3:58
  Let's get one thing straight: The first thing to take a hit is your own mind.
• 4:02
  Let's get one thing straight: When you're constantly ignoring your internal signal, that gut feeling, that wave of exhaustion, they don't just disappear.
• 4:11
  Let's get one thing straight: They get louder.
• 4:13
  Let's get one thing straight: They bubble up as a low grade hum of anxiety that becomes the soundtrack of your life.
• 4:21
  Let's get one thing straight: You might find yourself overthinking everything, imagine the worst case scenarios or just feeling a sense of dread for no good reason.
• 4:34
  Let's get one thing straight: For many women, especially those navigated midlife, this isn't just in your head; it's in your biology.
• 4:42
  Let's get one thing straight: During perimenopause and menopause, your hormones are on a rollercoaster.
• 4:47
  Let's get one thing straight: Fluctuating estrogen and progesterone directly messes with the chemicals in your brain that regulates your mood, like serotonin and dopamine.
• 4:58
  Let's get one thing straight: This biological shift makes you way more vulnerable to anxiety and stress.
• 5:04
  Let's get one thing straight: In fact, some studies showed that a majority of women report experiencing anxiety symptoms during this phase of life.
• 5:13
  Let's get one thing straight: So that feeling that your brain is betraying you isn't a personal failing.
• 5:18
  Let's get one thing straight: It's a physiological response, supercharged by years of putting yourself last.
• 5:25
  Let's get one thing straight: This mental strain often leads to a full-blown identity crisis.
• 5:30
  Let's get one thing straight: For years, your identity was probably tied up in your roles: parent, partner, professional caregiver.
• 5:40
  Let's get one thing straight: You were the organizer, the peacemaker.
• 5:43
  Let's get one thing straight: But when those roles shift, maybe the kids grow up and they leave the home; you're left with the terrifying, quiet question: Who am I now?
• 5:54
  Let's get one thing straight: You look in the mirror and see the sum of your responsibilities, but guess what, you can't find them.
• 6:02
  Let's get one thing straight: This slide of anxiety leads to loss and can lead straight to depression and burnout.
• 6:08
  Let's get one thing straight: The constant fatigue, the sleep problems that plague so many midlife women, and the feeling of being emotionally bankrupt creates a perfect storm for mood disorders.
• 6:22
  Let's get one thing straight: But if this is hitting home, I need you to hear me.
• 6:26
  Let's get one thing straight: This is not your fault.
• 6:28
  Let's get one thing straight: Your brain and your body aren't broken.
• 6:31
  Let's get one thing straight: They are screaming for your attention.
• 6:33
  Let's get one thing straight: That unraveling you feel is a desperate call for help from the deepest part of you.
• 6:40
  Let's get one thing straight: The chaos you feel inside rarely stays inside.
• 6:44
  Let's get one thing straight: It spills out into your relationships, creating tiny cracks in the very connections you've worked so hard to build.
• 6:53
  Let's get one thing straight: Because when you're disconnected from yourself, you can't be truly connected to others.
• 6:59
  Let's get one thing straight: You can be useful to them, but you can't be in a real partnership with them.
• 7:07
  Let's get one thing straight: This shows up as irritability or pulling away.
• 7:11
  Let's get one thing straight: Maybe your partner says you seem distance, or your friends notice that you're not there, even when you're in the room.
• 7:19
  Let's get one thing straight: You might snap over little things because you have zero emotional bandwidth left.
• 7:26
  Let's get one thing straight: You can be surrounded by people you love and feel profoundly alone.
• 7:32
  Let's get one thing straight: That loneliness isn't just from a lack of people, it's from a lack of real connection because you've forgotten how to share who you really are.
• 7:45
  Let's get one thing straight: Let's get even more intense for women in the sandwich generation, those caring for aging parents while supporting their own kids.
• 7:53
  Let's get one thing straight: You become the go-to caregiver in every direction, a human charging station for everybody else.
• 8:02
  Let's get one thing straight: But eventually the charging station shorts out.
• 8:06
  Let's get one thing straight: You have nothing left to give and the resentment starts to build can poison the very relationships you're trying to save.
• 8:15
  Think about it: every time you say yes, when you really mean no, you are making tiny sacrifices that feel necessary.
• 8:24
  Think about it: But over time, those sacrifices build up and the very relationships you were trying to protect by giving away pieces of yourselves becomes the biggest casualties.
• 8:36
  Think about it: I'm curious, which of these risks is hitting closest to home for you?
• 8:41
  Think about it: Is it the internal psychological stuff and the non-stop anxiety?
• 8:46
  Think about it: Is it the strain you're feeling in your relationships?
• 8:50
  Think about it: Or is it that deeper feeling of being lost in your own life?
• 8:54
  Think about it: Let me know in the comments.
• 8:56
  Think about it: Reading through the shared stories is a powerful reminder that none of us are alone in this.
• 9:02
  Think about it: The final risk is slowly crumbling of your life's foundation.
• 9:07
  Think about it: This is about more than your mood; it's about your health, your career, and your satisfaction with the one you have.
• 9:17
  Think about it: When you aren't present for yourself, you're losing your internal compass.
• 9:22
  Think about it: You have no idea what you want or where you're going.
• 9:27
  Think about it: Professionally, you might feel totally checked out from a career you used to love.
• 9:33
  Think about it: That drive you used to have feels like a distant memory.
• 9:38
  Think about it: This isn't about suddenly waiting to quit your job and move to a remote island.
• 9:44
  Think about it: It is a quieter, deeper sense of dissatisfaction, a feeling that the ladder you once spent your life climbing is leaning against the wrong wall.
• 9:56
  Think about it: At the same time, your physical health starts paying the bill.
• 10:00
  Think about it: Chronic stress isn't just a feeling; scientists call physical
• 10:04
  consequences allostatic load: the wear and tear on your body from being in a constant state of alert.
• 10:11
  consequences allostatic load: This isn't just about feeling tired.
• 10:15
  consequences allostatic load: It's increases your risk for cardiovascular disease, the aches, the bad sleep, the fatigue.
• 10:22
  consequences allostatic load: It's your body keeping score of every time you push past your limits.
• 10:28
  consequences allostatic load: When your mind is struggling, your relationships are strained, your body is exhausted, and you start to feel a deep loss of meaning.
• 10:38
  This is the ultimate risk: you wake up one day and realize you're just an observer in your own life.
• 10:46
  This is the ultimate risk: You're managing it, but you're not living it.
• 10:49
  This is the ultimate risk: You've outsourced your joy to everyone else, and you're left with aching emptiness of whatever's left over.
• 10:57
  This is the ultimate risk: After all that heaviness, the only question that matters
• 11:01
  is: How do we fix this?
• 11:03
  is: How do we learn to show up for ourselves again, not as another chore, but as a way of life?
• 11:11
  is: Before we get into any strategies, I want to give you something.
• 11:15
  is: It's the most important first step, and it's free it's permission.
• 11:21
  is: This is your official permission slip to be selfish.
• 11:25
  is: Permission to put yourself first without having to explain why.
• 11:31
  is: Permission to rest when you're tired.
• 11:34
  is: To say no.
• 11:36
  is: To disappoint someone, if it means honoring yourself.
• 11:40
  is: We have to completely redefine self-care.
• 11:44
  is: It's not an indulgence.
• 11:46
  is: It's a non-negotiable act of survival.
• 11:49
  is: It's putting on your own oxygen mask first.
• 11:53
  is: You can't change what you're not aware of.
• 11:56
  is: You've been running on autopilot for years.
• 11:59
  is: The first step back to you is to interrupt that autopilot with tiny moments of awareness.
• 12:06
  is: This doesn't take an hour.
• 12:07
  is: It takes 30 seconds.
• 12:10
  is: So let's try it right now.
• 12:12
  is: Wherever you're at, just pause.
• 12:15
  is: Take one deep, slow breath.
• 12:20
  is: And now quietly ask yourself one simple question: What do I need in this moment?
• 12:29
  is: Don't judge your answer.
• 12:30
  is: Just listen.
• 12:32
  is: Maybe you need a glass of water.
• 12:34
  is: Maybe you need five minutes of silence.
• 12:37
  is: Maybe you need a good cry.
• 12:39
  is: Whatever it is, just notice it.
• 12:43
  is: That's it.
• 12:44
  is: That's the start of being present.
• 12:47
  is: The goal is to sprinkle these micro check-ins throughout your day.
• 12:52
  is: The question, " What do I need right now?" Is a revolutionary act.
• 12:58
  is: It's telling yourself that you matter.
• 13:03
  is: If awareness is listening to yourself, boundaries are protecting yourself.
• 13:08
  is: They're not walls to push people away.
• 13:11
  is: They're the fence you build around your energy so that you have space to recharge.
• 13:18
  is: Setting boundaries is going to feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're a lifelong people-pleaser.
• 13:25
  is: You will feel guilty.
• 13:27
  is: Expect the guilt.
• 13:29
  is: But I want you to reframe it.
• 13:32
  is: Guilt is not a sign you're doing something wrong.
• 13:36
  is: It's the feeling of old self-abandonment programming dying off.
• 13:42
  is: It's a withdrawal symptoms from a lifetime of putting everyone else first.
• 13:48
  is: It's a sign you're healing.
• 13:50
  is: So what does this look like?
• 13:52
  is: It's saying, "I'm sorry I can't take that on right now," without a five minute excuse.
• 14:00
  is: It's telling your family, "I need 20 minutes to myself when I get home before I switch onto family mode." It's not answering a non-urgent work email after 7:00 PM.
• 14:13
  is: It is telling a friend, "I have space to listen for about 15 minutes, but then I need to switch gears." These aren't acts of selfishness.
• 14:23
  is: They are act of self preservation.
• 14:27
  is: They teach others how to treat you, and more importantly, they teach you that your energy is a valuable finite resource that you have the right to protect.
• 14:39
  is: The final step is to proactively re-engage with yourself.
• 14:44
  is: This is about reintroducing yourself to the person who lives underneath all the roles and responsibilities.
• 14:53
  is: Start by scheduling time for yourself in your calendar.
• 14:56
  is: Call it "Me Time." Treat it with the same seriousness as a doctor's appointment.
• 15:02
  is: It could be just 20 minutes, three times a week.
• 15:06
  is: Protect that time fearlessly.
• 15:09
  is: During that time, your only job is to re-learn yourself.
• 15:15
  is: Ask questions you haven't thought about in years.
• 15:19
  is: What did I love to do before my life was about managing everyone else?
• 15:24
  is: What kind of music do I actually like?
• 15:28
  is: What would I do with a free Saturday morning?
• 15:32
  is: Then start with microdosing of joy.
• 15:35
  is: Buy a fancy coffee you love just for you.
• 15:41
  is: Take a 10 minute walk without your phone.
• 15:44
  is: Listen to your favorite high school song and just see what comes up.
• 15:49
  is: These small, intentional acts are how you reclaim your life.
• 15:55
  is: There are little whispers in your inner self that say, I see you, I remember you, and you matter.
• 16:04
  is: Failing to be present for yourself is not a moral failing.
• 16:09
  is: It's a learned survival strategy.
• 16:12
  is: But your value doesn't come from what you do for others.
• 16:17
  is: It's inherent.
• 16:19
  is: It's in your being.
• 16:20
  is: The journey back to yourself isn't about adding more to your plate.
• 16:25
  is: It's about intentionally taking things off.
• 16:29
  is: It's about subtraction, not addition.
• 16:32
  is: This path isn't a race.
• 16:35
  is: You'll have days, you'll fall back into old patterns, and that's okay.
• 16:40
  is: The goal isn't perfection.
• 16:42
  is: The goal is simply presence.
• 16:45
  is: The goal is to choose yourself one more time today than you did yesterday.
• 16:52
  is: You're not alone on this path.
• 16:54
  is: We are all just trying to find our way back home to ourselves.
• 17:00
  is: If this message resonated with you, please consider subscribing and maybe share it with a friend who needs to hear this today.
• 17:09
  is: For your next steps, check out these two videos that dive deeper into practical steps for overcoming burnout.
• 17:16
  is: And if you'd like to learn more about five signs you're not living in the present, you can click right here, or here.
• 17:25
  is: Or you can find the links for those episodes below in the show notes.
• 17:29
  is: For more information not discussed in this episode, please visit createthebestme.com/ep131 Thank you for giving yourself the time to be here and be kind to yourself.
• 17:44
  is: And remember, you are beautiful, strong, and worthy to put your own needs and desires first.
• 17:52
  is: Thank you for watching.
• 17:54
  is: Catch you next week.
• 17:55
  is: Bye for now.