Latest / Mosaic Sparks with Lesley George / How to Stop Judging Yourself and Ask What Helps !

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How to Stop Judging Yourself and Ask What Helps ! · Mosaic Sparks with Lesley George

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever called an entire day bad because of something that happened in the first 20 minutes?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you spilled your coffee.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Then traffic was backed up.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody may have sent you a text message that required you to put your phone down and take a breath.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: But suddenly you announced today is going to be a bad day.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's 8 15 in the morning.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: The rest of the day has barely clocked in.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you have already given it a performance review.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to practice a question that gives us somewhere to go.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: What would be helpful now?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome to Sparkle and 10, your weekly moment to pause, connect, and put a little purpose behind your next step.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm your host, Leslie George.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, sparklers, we are welcoming new listeners from Everett, Washington and Istambu Turkey.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I love knowing that these conversations are finding their way into your lives wherever you are listening.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So to everyone who has been here, thank you for coming back, sharing any episode, and making this community part of your week.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So let's celebrate our sparklers.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going through a difficult time, we're here for you too.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can come into this space exactly as you are.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's room for what you're carrying.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: But before we get into today's conversation, a quick word from Mosaic Publishing.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: This show is brought to you by Mosaic Publishing, which is my company.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I help women over 40 turn their personal stories and professional knowledge into books they can proudly share.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your book could preserve your family's history or bring your expertise to a wider audience.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Visit themosaicpub.com and let's talk about yours.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's talk about the words we reach for when something happens: good, bad, right, or wrong.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: We use them so quickly that we sometimes skip the details.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: What about I made a bad decision?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or I handle that wrong.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm no good at setting boundaries.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Those statements may sound familiar.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, what do we do after we say them?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today's lesson is simple.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: When you're reflecting on an everyday choice, a habit, or a reaction, practice asking whether it was helpful or not helpful.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask, what would be helpful now?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are situations where right and wrong need to be named clearly.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, harm and responsibility still matters.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're focusing on the everyday judgment that leave us criticizing ourselves without deciding what to do next.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you agree to help with something when your calendar was already full.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, you thought, ah, I can squeeze it in.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: By Thursday, you're tired, irritated, and wondering why everybody needs something from me.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: You might say, I'm terrible at boundaries.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Take a breath and get specific.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Agreeing before you checked your calendar was not helpful.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now you have identified a choice you can work on.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Next time somebody asks, you can say, Let me look at my commitments and I'll get back to you.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: That sentence gives you time to make a decision you can follow through on.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can also look at the commitment you already made.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Could you ask for help?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Could you discuss a different deadline?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or could you explain honestly what you can complete?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: The words not helpful can lead you into a useful conversation about what needs to change.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So here's an example.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Someone says something that accepts that upsets you.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: You start typing a reply.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: You explain what happened, what they did, what they always do, and a few things you have apparently been saving since 2019.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So before you hit the send, ask, will this message help me get the outcome I want?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: That question asks you to think about your purpose.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want clarity?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are you looking for an apology?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Is it boundaries or a record of what happened?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Read your message with purpose in mind.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You may need to shorten it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: You may need to make your request clearer, or you may need to wait until you can say what you mean without adding something you will have to repair tomorrow.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong, your feelings deserve attention.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your response deserves a little time as well.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Helpful language can also guide how we take responsibility.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Suppose you interrupted a friend during a conversation.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a terrible friend, is a very big conclusion.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I interrupted her, and I need to apologize, gives you something specific to address.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can call and say, I realized I kept interrupting you earlier.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to hear what you were trying to tell me.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: You have named the behavior and taken a step towards repair.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: That is a lesson I want you to hold on to.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Choose words that help you identify your next action.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you, sparklers, where in your life have you been repeating a judgment about yourself?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you keep saying you're bad with money, or you never finish anything, or maybe one uncomfortable conversation has you questioning your ability to lead.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one situation and think about the details.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: What happened?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: What part can you address?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: What would be helpful now?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because you deserve an answer that gives you something to work with.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your quick win for this week.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: It takes about one minute.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, open your notes app on your phone, whether Android or iPhone, or maybe grab a piece of paper and finish these three sentences.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: What happened was what I need now is one helpful thing I can do is let's walk through it.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: What happened was I missed the time I set aside to work on my book.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: What I need now is a smaller task that fits the time I have.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: One helpful thing I can do is write one paragraph before I go to bed.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is a clear action.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And here are some others.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: What happened was I agreed to something I do not have time to do.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: What I need now is an honest conversation.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: One helpful thing I can do is call today and explain what I can realistically offer.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So your quick win is to choose one situation and take that helpful step today.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for the rest of the week, use the question wherever you catch a sweeping judgment coming out of your mouth.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: You may even want to put a note near your desk or on your mirror or something that says helpful now.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Those two words are enough to remind you to pause.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, helpful can feel uncomfortable.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: An apology can be helpful and uncomfortable.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And as we talk about boundaries, boundaries can be helpful and uncomfortable.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Rest can be helpful while a whole list of unfinished tasks is calling your name.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So consider what happened, what supports your responsibility, your well-being, and the outcome you are working towards.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can also acknowledge disappointment, honestly.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, I wanted that to work out and I am disappointed.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can give yourself time to feel that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: When you are ready, ask what would be helpful now.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the answer will be a practical action, or it will be asking someone to listen, or you would need more information before you decide.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So let the answer fit the situation you are actually facing.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, sparklers, this week, pay attention to the words you use after something goes differently from what you planned.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself a moment to describe what happened clearly.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Choose one action that you can take.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can practice this before the week gets busy.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So think of one thing that has been weighing on you.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Finish those three sentences and follow through on your next step.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this episode gave you something useful, I want you to share it with someone who could use the same question.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can also leave a review at ratehepodcast.com backslash mosaic sparks.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: So once again, thank you for spending these minutes with me as you move into your week.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Keep this question close.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: What would be helpful now?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So go out and spark something today.