Latest / The Brilliant Fertility Podcast / Episode 060: Building Emotional Capacity for Fertility in Chaotic Times

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Episode 060: Building Emotional Capacity for Fertility in Chaotic Times · The Brilliant Fertility Podcast

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Brilliant Fertility Podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, dr Katie Rose, and this podcast exists to help illuminate the path ahead of you.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: With expert interviews, clinical pearls and real client success stories, my intention is to bring you hope for what's possible on this journey and to give you tools and resources to navigate the ups and downs on the road before you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: If you find this podcast helpful, don't forget to subscribe on your favorite listening platform.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: And I have a big request If you have a minute, can you leave us a five-star review and let us know what did you learn?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: What did you come away with?
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Did you leave with that spark of hope?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: This helps more people like you find the podcast.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: My mission is to support as many humans as possible on their path to become parents, and by you sharing and subscribing, you're part of that mission too, and I'm so grateful for you for being here here.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Brilliant Fertility Podcast.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: If you're watching on YouTube.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, my face looks crazy today.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I just had my second microneedling treatment of a series of four, so I probably should have planned my recording time a little bit differently.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: But here we are, looking like I have a massive sunburn and still the stage where I really can't apply anything, and so, yeah, here we are kind of glowing, if you will.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: My intention originally with this episode was to discuss the benefits of forest bathing and how that could potentially improve fertility as well.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: However, I think it's going to be more of like a mashup episode, because world events just keep hitting and today I found out that there was yet another mass shooting at a Catholic school in Minneapolis.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: My husband is from Minneapolis and I grew up going to an Episcopalian and then a Catholic school and I mean, all of these events hit me hard as a mother, as a doctor who helps people become parents and is actively working towards getting more babies in this world.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: It just feels so devastating and disheartening and infuriating that this continues to happen.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: So I know a lot of you are like, yeah, okay, it's bad, I don't really want to focus on it because it's too dark, it brings up too much fear, and I am absolutely not advising that we live our lives in fear.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I'm, in fact, in the middle of reading a book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: That is probably perfectly fitting for sitting in this space with this current administration that we have in the country as it stands.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Right now I'm in the United States.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: If anyone was questioning that, I know I have listeners from all over the world, which is absolutely amazing, and many of you have written to me like what the hell is going on in your country?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, similar questions here, because all I want is for all of our children to have the opportunity to grow up safely, and there's so many things that we already can't control.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But having yet another large element that feels like it's looming, like it's this dark presence in our country and by dark presence I mean the absence of gun control it's just wild, it's insane to me.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So I'm reading this book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and he really describes how much we as humans can get very caught up in our emotions, in our thinking, in our heads, and that's not necessarily psychologically good for us, but that there very much is this duality that he describes not so much as like a good versus evil, but that there very much is this duality that he describes not so much as like a good versus evil, but as like a consciousness versus unconsciousness or a sanity versus insanity, and it very much feels like we are living in this insane world, this bizarro, land this upside down, where it feels like why can't we just get our shit together so that our kids can grow up safely, so that our planet can thrive?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: There's one of my little kids right now, hi, baby.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: One of my little kids right now, hi, baby, so that these little munchkins can grow up to reach whatever their full human potential is.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Are you going to hang out with me while I record the podcast?
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Is that super comfy up there?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love you.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, he'll probably be in and out, since this is minimally, uh, edited, we might see him again, but that's who we're here for.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like, we're here for the kids.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It's not just about getting pregnant at all costs right.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: This is about creating the healthiest environment for pregnancy to occur inside your body, and our bodies are very wise.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: They're very intelligent.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of our bodies are extremely sensitive to the collective and what's happening in the collective.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: So we're in a place where we have an opportunity to truly acknowledge the reality of what's happening, while also learning how to regulate our nervous system process.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Emotions stand for what we believe in, even when we feel like we don't have the capacity for it and keep showing up, and I know sometimes it can feel like gosh, I just don't have the capacity, like I can focus on this one thing.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And now is the time to build the capacity.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you have to add more to your to-do list, add more to your checklist, but it comes down to what is actually required to build that capacity.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And there's a few things that come to mind from all the work that I've done, from learning from activists and from working with providers who are also doing this work as activists, as doctors, as mothers and it's messy, right.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: This is very much not something that comes with the training of medical school.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: This is, in fact, we are told in medical school like don't ever talk about politics, and I think it's in part just because we don't ever want to make a patient uncomfortable, or even a prospective patient uncomfortable.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: There's a zone of neutrality that we are taught to maintain.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: You can maintain professionality in the relationship with a patient and you can still have values and you can still speak out about things.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I would never allow my personal values to impact how I treat a patient.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I took an oath patient.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I took an oath, but I also have to stand up for the world that I want to live in and for the world that I hope our children get to grow up in.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: So this, what does this look like?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: To build our capacity to actually be able to stand in our power, stand in our truth, uphold our values when there is just insanity from all fronts?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't even know which subject matter to focus on which day.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Here in Tucson, we've got this huge mega AI data center that Amazon is trying to build when we're in a 30-year drought and it's going to use billions of gallons of water.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Make that make sense.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: We've got the issue of gun control.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: We have the issue of lack of access to healthcare plans that cover IVF.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't know which thing to focus on, because all of them matter, but what I have learned from others who are on the front line is that it's important to pick one or two things that are highest priority for you that you can call your representatives, write to your representatives about.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It really doesn't take too much time.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: There are so many templates available.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I use the app Five Calls.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I find that to be extremely streamlined and helpful.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I have my congressmen and state representatives senators, on speed dial.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Most of the time, no one even answers.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: If they do.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: There's scripts that you can use to tell them what's important to you, why that matters.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: If there's a legislative bill on the docket that you would prefer they vote a certain way on, you can speak your piece about that, and it takes only a few minutes.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing to do.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: If you actually need an action item, which I would highly highly suggest you have action items, because even in the world of traditional Chinese medicine, the emotion of anxiety is not so much of like there's anything wrong with you.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: It's this tension between knowing that there's something going wrong and not actually taking action to do anything about it.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Now, having worked with at this point probably hundreds and hundreds of women who've had anxiety related to hormones and how that shows up in their cycle, how it's showing up in infertility journey, I would say that there's often more to it than that.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: For the things that matter to you globally, politically, I really do think that pairing it down to one or two things that matter to you make the biggest difference.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, you changed your clothes All blue now, huh?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: For those of you who are listening in and can't see what's happening, my five-year-old is hanging out with us and you know what.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: That's okay with me today, because kids are the most important thing in the world, right, yeah.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And then, when it comes to building capacity, we have to focus on community.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: This doesn't mean you have to surround yourself in an echo chamber, but this does mean finding the people that you feel safe, that you can be fully authentic with and who uphold similar values to you, and then having tools and resources to regulate your nervous system.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk about it before if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, but EFT tapping is one of my favorite tools for regulating the nervous system.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: When I take my dog for a walk, I'm almost always tapping while I walk, and that allows me not only to get my little movement in for the day and exercise my dog, but also to process whatever is coming up.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: And that's a game changer for me, for mental health, for, honestly, energy as well, because I know for myself that my energy is so deeply impacted by any emotional weight that I am carrying.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So tapping, I know if I miss a couple weeks of it, like I feel it, I feel so sluggish.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Other tools that I rely on I mean, there's so many processing tools, but we want to look at what can actually match the intensity of the emotion.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: So if you're enraged, then forcing yourself to just lay down and meditate may not actually match what needs to happen for you to move that rage through the body.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to go stomp your feet or hit a pillow or take a higher intensity exercise class, like there's a lot of ways that we can work through those emotions, but we want to make sure that we're not holding on to anything for too long.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: There's no such thing as a good or a bad emotion.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: It's truly just pointing us in a direction and telling us like hey, something's happening here.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: We usually feel that emotion somewhere in the body and we can use something, a tool, a resource and exercise, journaling to move that through and find a state that feels better.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I think we also have to be mindful of how much we consume, because there's a fine line between being up to date on current events and allowing yourself to really spiral and doom scroll and go into all the horrific detail of the current events.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And this is challenging because, on one end, current events, and this is challenging because on one end, it feels like almost morally deranged to look away, like, if I look away, from genocide happening.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Does that make me complicit If I look away from the details of these mass shootings?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Does that mean I don't care?
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: And I think we have to really be mindful of how we take in that information and what we do with that information, because we are, most of us, empathetic humans and if we take in too much too often and we're not actively building our capacity for taking action, this is where we can just get really down and to the point of paralysis, not being able to do anything.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: And that's what they want, that's what this administration wants from us.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: They want us so overwhelmed that we cannot take action.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: And I guess I didn't realize this was going this direction with this episode of like we're just getting into it.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: We're really getting into the political atmosphere here and what's going to be necessary to overcome this.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Thank goodness for my little comic relief in the background here and I very much honor you if this episode took you by surprise and you were like, oh shit, like I was not expecting this conversation.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's important to sit with it and allow that discomfort.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I can also appreciate that if you're watching this on YouTube and you see my cute little booger in the background here.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: That could be triggering as well.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: If you have been waiting for a long time for your little munchkins to come earth side, or however meant, however, they are meant to come into your family.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I don't see this changing in the near months.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I in fact see us talking more about this and how to support our nervous systems and our hormones and our fertility in this very crazy world.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Because having a child, trying to have a child right now, is like the ultimate act of hope for the future and noticing what's occurring within yourself, how you feel triggered by the surroundings, how you feel supported by the people in your life.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: This is a part of creating a better world.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: It's a part of preparing your body.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: This is a part of conscious conception.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Is acknowledging that this is what's happening in the world and what is my role in it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: A long, awkward pause there, because I think we all can sit with that question for a bit, and when we ask what is my role in it, it's like, oh, that might feel like, oh, my gosh, I don't know Like I'm just an accountant.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: What's my role in it?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: But we all have gifts and we all have ways that we can be showing up and supporting each other, the people who are on the front lines of working towards a better world, doesn't mean that we have to be out there marching in the streets every single one of us but we all have a role that we can play.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: So I think, sitting with that question, what could my role in this look like?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: What do I have the capacity for Resources?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Do I need to step into that role and also feel safe, because so much of my work comes down to how do we feel safe to heal?
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: How do we feel safe to conceive?
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: How do we allow the body to feel safe to receive a pregnancy?
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: And the conversations that I've had with probably two dozen women over the last couple of years honestly, since about 2022, when roe versus wade was overturn is you know, how am I supposed to feel safe getting pregnant if I can't access healthcare that I might need if something goes wrong?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And that's been a really valid question that I've sat with for years now and very uncomfortable territory.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: But there's a lot at stake and we all have a way that we can stand up and support our values, and I realized here to challenge you.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I am merely here to be a part of our children getting up, getting to grow up in a world that is safe for them, and I wish, I wish, this job was a fuck of a lot easier.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And then there's the part of me that very much believes spiritually that we all knew what we were coming for.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: We signed a soul contract.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: We arrived on earth knowing what we were getting ourselves into.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: So on a deep spiritual level, I think I hope we're going to be okay.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: My human brain is struggling with that right now.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So if you are in a place where you're conflicted about what steps to take with your fertility, because the world does feel like it's burning, or you felt like you've just been so fully focused on fertility that you've had to shut out everything else in the world, and that may bring some benefit.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: But there's also, I think, a connection between where we are right now collectively and our ability to rise up together.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: That needs to be acknowledged.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this part of the podcast, then I think that little tidbit is for you.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: So it may be time to wake up to that power that you have and the knowing that you can do both.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: You can optimize your fertility hope for this child and optimize your fertility, hope for this child, hold that desire in your heart as your highest intention and be a part of the world being a better place for that child to grow up in.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: So yeah, if you're ready for that and you're ready to work with someone who ready to work with someone who is unwilling to bypass what's hard and is ready to meet you where you are in this, I'm here for you.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: You can reach out to my team at info at brilliantfertilitycom if you want to get started working together and keep an eye out, because I just have this strong feeling that my work will continue to expand to include more offerings for people who are feeling this more deeply, whether you're trying to get pregnant, whether you're trying to get pregnant, whether you're already pregnant, whether you're done having babies, or whether you have decided you are going to be the fun aunt and you are good with that.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Wherever you are in this journey, however, I can support you in embracing your role and smashing patriarchy.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I am here for that.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: So I am wishing all of you safety, protection, love.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: If you have someone you can go give a big hug and squeeze today, please go do that.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Hug your babies, hug your fur babies, call someone you love and tell them how much you love them.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: And next time we'll talk about the benefits of forest bathing.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: In the meantime, if you can get out in a safe place in nature and enjoy a tree or a hundred trees, please go do that as well, sending you lots of love, as always.