Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / What If Your Shadow Is Trying To Help You

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What If Your Shadow Is Trying To Help You · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the mountain chapter, the chapter of awareness.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we pause long enough to see the mountain that we've been climbing, the mountain that we've been carrying.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And also the mountain that we're avoiding.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine, nothing's wrong.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Everything's perfect.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: In this chapter, we're going to get honest with ourselves.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just what I was saying.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: We get conscious of the patterns that we sh let shape us and the ones that, you know, protected us, because let's face it, sometimes you need protection from what happened.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: But the the part of that is those patterns are holding you back.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're shaping us and they're protecting us, but they're holding us back.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the beginning of reigniting.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something I've been going through piece by piece.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Panthers, it's time to look up.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Look in and step into your awareness with intention.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just breathe.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Today, Panthers, we're stepping into the very first place and the very first piece of the mountain chapter.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we're starting with something most people avoid, myself included.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I deny and sometimes I run from it, and you may too, but not us.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not here, not in this space, not anymore.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what are we talking about?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: We are talking about shadows.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness doesn't begin with the light, it begins with the courage to look at what's been hiding in the dark.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where things have started to change for me.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Once I was willing to look into what I've done, acknowledge what I've done, admit what I've done, and not bad things, but just I could learn some of the patterns.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you're probably maybe asking, maybe you're asking, what is a shadow?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what shadow work was or what's a shadow.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I thought while you're a kid, you see a shadow and we laugh at the shadow, but we do not laugh at the shadow.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the part of you that you don't see and you don't want to see.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's something you don't want to admit, maybe shame, guilt, or you're just in denial.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what it's from?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's from old wounds, old patterns.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a big thing for me.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am a pattern breaker.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I started this podcast to break some patterns, to break toxic, unhealthy patterns.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you know where else they come from?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Old protection.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we can talk about that later.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we know we have childhood trauma.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: We also have just childhood experiences, and not to blame anybody, but we do we we can learn from that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like old survival strategies, especially.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how much I've been in the survival mode.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we all hear that, and you're like, well, what's a survival mode?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's just awareness.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like we don't want to be aware.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And the shadow is the part of you that learned how to cope when you didn't feel safe.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's the part of you that said, If I hide this, I will be okay.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: If I pretend this doesn't bother me, I'll be okay.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you're like, How are you doing?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know you're not doing great, and you're like, I'm fine, or something will bubble up and we'll push it down, maybe with food or substance or consuming TV or maybe doom scrolling, scrolling.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: But if I'll stay quiet, small and strong and perfect, I'll be okay.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your shadow isn't bad and it's not wrong, it's just simply unseen.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's the version that you created to protect yourself, to protect you.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: But now as an adult, it's actually holding you back.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I realized it was holding me back.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: As this is maybe my 48th or 49th podcast, I realized it was time to be aware and just kind of look at my patterns and be accountable.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, some things we're not accountable for, some things that happened to us when we were younger or in at any time, just they happen to us.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: We don't always understand why, and it's not our fault.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna say this lightly because this is just what I did.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm like, well, it's not my fault that my vision is not going well.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, wait a minute, now I could take responsibility because I acted like I was fine because I was scared, and maybe if I would have gone in sooner, this went to happen.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I acknowledged, okay, so maybe that's my part.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Was it easy?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was even hard just to acknowledge that right now to you guys.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Why shadows matter in the mountain chapter?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can't change what you can't see.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: You always hear that.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you don't acknowledge something, how can you change it?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not aware, how can you break the pattern?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we're aware and we stuff that down.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been in a toxic relationship and you know that you gotta get out?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can even hear your intuition going, This is not right, this is wrong, something's not right here, and you're like, oh, it's fine, and then you do it again, and then it gets better.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the pattern I'm talking about.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's a shadow that you need to, you know, acknowledge.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I did about 18 months ago.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I left a very toxic, unhealthy relationship.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I saw my shadow and I didn't like it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can't reignite your life if you're still living on autopilot.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: How's that working for you?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I love that saying.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we all know who said that.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And shadows are like the blueprint of your patterns.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: They're that quiet voice behind your reactions.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when you bring awareness to your shadows, guess what?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: You take your power back piece by piece.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just like what would a shadow maybe look like.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it can look like different for everybody one moment.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I need a sip of my drink.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just think about that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: What what could it look like?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, something I'm guilty of, and I feel like everybody could admit maybe we snapped at somebody one day.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it was because you were hurt.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you shut down when you're over overwhelmed.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you just gotten overwhelmed and instead of facing it, you just lay down and watch TV, go to sleep, or use some kind of coping mechanism?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I say sometimes that is needed.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we got to get up.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you keep repeating it like I was doing, I was doing that for oh, 15, 15 months, I would say.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, wait a minute, nothing is really changing, and I need to figure out what I can do to help myself.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, here's a big one, too.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I just almost forgot about this.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: What about overgiving because you're afraid of being abandoned?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, so guilty, guilty as charged.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like you just give more than you even have to give because you're afraid that person's gonna leave you.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing for sure.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's just the same as being feeling like you're gonna be abandoned.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or I don't know about anybody if you have medical conditions or medical restrictions, and then you feel bad because you pretend, oh, I'm fine when maybe you needed some help.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, for example, you needed some medicine and you said you were fine, but you knew deep down you needed your medicine because you didn't want to be a burden.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: That was a big thing for me.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I that probably comes from childhood trauma.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have to, I'll have to look at that.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I was just using that for an excuse and it hit a little nerve in my heart.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I felt that one.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I felt that one hit pretty hard.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh my gosh.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote this down because this is one thing I wanted to remember.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I chose the same type of partner because it felt familiar.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not even just with the partner, like the same decisions because it felt for familiar.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'll lay down.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what am I doing?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: For 36 years, I'm 54 right now.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: For 36 years, since I was 16 years old, I've dated the same type of person.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had to change the relationship with me.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: What was wrong in me?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: What did what did I think I deserved or didn't deserve that I would be okay with some of these relationships?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you all saw a pretty woman, but you know, when you don't kiss on the lips, like I even had relationships like that when I was younger, like, oh yeah, we can be together, but we can't kiss.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: What that is not okay.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Another one that hit me.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: So some of these things that I'm sharing with you, I'm sorry they do, and I'm not sorry because I don't want to apologize for that.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be real with you.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to be, it's okay.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if these hit you hard.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because see, I almost went to just numb it.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to numb it because I want to bring it up.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I know that's a big one for me and something I'm still gonna continue to work on.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and speaking of that, how many of you raise your hand?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: No one's gonna see you.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I got one hand raised.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let me raise both hands, actually.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: How many of you will stay busy?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Busy, busy, busy, like busy without any kind of intentions.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're just clean extra, you're going to this thing, you're going to that thing.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like your head is spitting, you're keeping yourself so busy.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're it looks like you're busy.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: You write a list, and this my mom does this.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, mom, didn't mean to out you, but it just came to me.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why do we do that?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we stay so busy?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I do it because I don't want to feel.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to look like I'm busy, busy, busy, busy.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to feel that stuff.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, as I'm telling this to you, I still have feelings in my chest.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is I don't know.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I okay, physically right now, I have a heavy feeling in my chest.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just breathe.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what you can do.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: You just pause and you take a breath.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, shadows show up in patterns, and patterns show up in your life.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the awareness is the moment you say, Oh, that's why I do that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And as time goes by, that happens more like, oh, that's why I did that.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of things are connecting like them, like, oh my goodness, I did that because of that.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I did that.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: So then I understood myself more and I'm more aware of what was my part, what what did I do?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the mountain chapter.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's the climb.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I want to do something with you.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It it'll only take a moment.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't want to do it, you don't have to.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to do it later, you can.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening right now, I want you to take a breath and I'm gonna do it with you.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And a second one, just for good measure.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself gently and honestly, what part of me have I been avoiding?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: What emotion do I push away?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: What pattern keeps repeating?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to answer today.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You just need the awareness that the question exists.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the first step up the mountain.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: In this chapter, we're not gonna be judging our shadows, we're just meeting them.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know why we're meeting them to try to understand them and try to learn from them.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness is the beginning of reignition.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Panthers reignited, and Panthers, you know what?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're ready.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Piece by piece.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Before you go, Panthers, I want you to carry one thing with you today.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to the moments where you feel yourself pull back, shut down, react fast, or shrink.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't judge it.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to fix it.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice it.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's your shadow speaking.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the awareness that is the first step of the moment.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just being aware.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: If something comes up for you, write it down.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Voice note it.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or just hold on to it gently until we meet again.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Piece by piece, you know what, you're learning yourself.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the reignition begins.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you in the next chapter.