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Phone Tap: Instacartastrophe · Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps

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  Speaker 1: One eight hundred d ui Away now offering free remote
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  Speaker 1: consultations by phone or video conference for any criminal offense.
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  Speaker 1: Trust Brooke, Jeffrey and Jose's friends with a free remote
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  Speaker 1: consultation from Bradley Johnson Lawyers. Visit one eight hundred d
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  Speaker 1: Uyowa dot com or call eight hundred away. All right,
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  Speaker 1: it's time for your phone tap, and today we call
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  Speaker 1: a woman who, for the last few months has been
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  Speaker 1: ordering all her groceries from a delivery app. Oh yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I do the same. Actually, if you haven't used one
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  Speaker 1: of those four, they're actually pretty awesome. Yeah, it's sweet.
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  Speaker 1: Saves you a bunch of time and energy, unless, of course,
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  Speaker 1: your designated shopper is Jose. Oh no, this is why
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  Speaker 1: I use the app, but not on the other end.
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  Speaker 1: He can't buy food for himself. Exactly, Jose's picking up
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  Speaker 1: your items. Then something's bound to go wrong, which is
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  Speaker 1: exactly what happens in your brand new phone tap right now,
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  Speaker 1: as on the twenties, Hello, Hi, this is Richie. I'm
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  Speaker 1: calling from part is this Marissa? Yeah, listen, Marissa? Oh good,
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  Speaker 1: how's your day going. It's fine? Everything okay, everything's fine.
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  Speaker 1: I just had to sub out a few things for you, Like,
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  Speaker 1: they didn't have sharp cheddar cheese, so I went with
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  Speaker 1: medium cheddar. I hope that's okay, that's fine, that's okay. Good. Oh. Also,
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  Speaker 1: they were out of those yellow peaches that you asked for,
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  Speaker 1: so I got white peaches instead. Okay, they're firm, by
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  Speaker 1: the way. I'm holding one in my hand right now. There.
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  Speaker 1: It feels perfect. It's just not the right color. But
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  Speaker 1: everything else seems good. Okay, good, all right. Well, I've
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  Speaker 1: got just about everything picked out, so I think i'll
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  Speaker 1: be by your house and like fifteen maybe twenty minutes,
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  Speaker 1: depending on traffic. Excuse me, excuse me? Yeah, h was
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  Speaker 1: that a toilet flushing? Oh? Yeah, I guess it was.
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  Speaker 1: Sorry about that. I didn't realize you could hear that. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I did hear it. Are you holding my food while
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  Speaker 1: you're going to the bathroom? What's going on? Yeah, but
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  Speaker 1: it's just been a really busy day. I was just
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  Speaker 1: using a restaurant before I head out, so I'll be there.
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  Speaker 1: And told me, we're just holding my peach. Can you
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  Speaker 1: put that stuff back and get me? At first of all,
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  Speaker 1: wash your hands please, I'm holding the peach because I
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  Speaker 1: didn't want to put it on the ground. Of course,
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  Speaker 1: you should not have my food in the bathroom period
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  Speaker 1: with you. That is unhygienic. I really wish you would
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  Speaker 1: have said that earlier. That earlier. What are you talking about.
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  Speaker 1: There's no protocol requiring me to write a note saying
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  Speaker 1: don't bring my food into the bathroom with you. That's insane.
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  Speaker 1: I can set the peach down on the back of
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  Speaker 1: the toilet if that'll make you feel more comfortable. Looks
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  Speaker 1: pretty clean and just something wrong with you? Like this
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  Speaker 1: is very upsetting to me now, Like now I'm questioning
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  Speaker 1: my whole everything, like I'm wondering about past orders that
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  Speaker 1: I mean. Oh no, no, no, look, everything is fine.
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  Speaker 1: The peach feels good. Hold on, yeah, smells great a peach,
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  Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with this peach. I promise you
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  Speaker 1: that peach is going to have to be disposed of
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  Speaker 1: as far as I'm concerned. I would like fresh. I'm
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  Speaker 1: not going to throw this away. It's a perfectly good peach. Look,
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  Speaker 1: I can wrap it in the toilet seat cover. I
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  Speaker 1: don't want a stupid toilet peach. Okay, I want my
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  Speaker 1: order clean. Okay, fine, Like you're the boss, it's gone,
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  Speaker 1: all right, I'm throwing the peach away. What about the
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  Speaker 1: other items that I have in here? What do you mean? Well,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want anyone to take your stuff, ma'am, So
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  Speaker 1: I brought the whole grocery card into the stall, my
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  Speaker 1: entire order into the bathroom with you. Oh no, oh no,
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  Speaker 1: what was that? What was that? Right now? What was that?
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  Speaker 1: Looks like I gotta to take another peach off the list? Okay,
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  Speaker 1: you know what's fat fingers? Listen to me. You know
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  Speaker 1: what you're going to take off the list? My whole order.
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  Speaker 1: I'm canceling it and I'm never ordering from you again.
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  Speaker 1: Completely insane. May I ask why you drop my peach
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  Speaker 1: into the toilet and you're asking me why? Hey, is
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  Speaker 1: this a bad time to tell you that I opened
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  Speaker 1: your peanut butter? Oh my god, I hadn't tried that
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  Speaker 1: kind I was just kind of curious. I said, more creamy?
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  Speaker 1: How can you get more creamy? That you had to lie?
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  Speaker 1: But it's pretty creamy now, that is correct. If you're laughing,
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  Speaker 1: that's hilarious to you that I have to cancel my arder. Look, look,
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  Speaker 1: I know if you're thinking you want me to be fired.
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  Speaker 1: You want to call my boss. Listen, this is all
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  Speaker 1: a prank. I'm so sorry to upset you, but this
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  Speaker 1: is not real. This is actually Jose for the radio
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  Speaker 1: show Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning. We're doing your husband,
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  Speaker 1: Ben set you up. I talked to you like twenty
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  Speaker 1: minutes ago, and he told us your entire car order
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  Speaker 1: just so we can mess with you. Oh oh, I'm
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  Speaker 1: exhausted from you. I an exhausting person. And that's not
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  Speaker 1: even about the card or anything. That's just me. I
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  Speaker 1: need a nap, No, I need to lie well. I
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  Speaker 1: got some fresh beaches. I can come if you want
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  Speaker 1: to eat one with me before you take a nap.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, wait a minute, we gotta shoot one down.
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  Speaker 1: I flushed one week up every morning with food tab
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  Speaker 1: weekday mornings on the twenties Broke and Jeffrey in the
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  Speaker 1: Morning