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I’m Rebuilding My Life…Again · The Kink Consultant

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It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hello and welcome to this week's
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episode of The King Consultant. And back by popular demand,
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literally requested in my Ask Me Anything Mondays.
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Brenda, my Bisdom. Welcome back, Brenda.
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Hi. I I just have to say I think you
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must be doing your job really well, Not because I had you back
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on the podcast, because I feel like this year things have taken
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off. Like really I do, obviously.
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Well, we're still working together, so I can't be that
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bad. Things are good.
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Yeah, we've been through so much together.
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OK, so I end things with the German.
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I have to admit this, and I hate this about myself.
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I ended it by text and I was too embarrassed to even say it back
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then. And I look back on that and it
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was a moment where I realized, like, I never want to do that
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again. I do not want to end the
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relationship by text. I end by text.
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We play a game of pickleball like that weekend, and then we
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never speak again except on October 9th, he sent me a
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birthday text out of nowhere. But anyway, I broke.
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I woke up with him at the beginning of summer.
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I was more upset than I wanted to admit.
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I spent the entire summer traveling back and forth to New
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York, just basically doing whatever I felt like.
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Too much partying, too much fun. But it was all good, you know?
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You need that after a breakup though.
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You need that release almost to like we.
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Dated for two months. I partied for three months, Like
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no. But the end of the summer comes.
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My Labor Day weekend spanking party comes up.
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I sign up for a volunteer shift with my friend.
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We sign up for this specific shift and I have to get to the
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party before their shift starts because I have to sign and get
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my badge so I can work the door shift like making sure everyone
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who enters has a badge or whatever.
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I do that. I walk up to the bar cuz there
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are these free drink tickets and this man who's sitting at the
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bar turns to me and says you have a gorgeous smile.
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I've spent the last three months partying and having a good time
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and flirting with like half of New York.
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So the man is very handsome. I do not get me wrong, he is
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very handsome, but I'm like, of course I have a gorgeous smile.
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I know I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole.
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I don't even know who I am. Like I don't.
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I also don't know where that confidence came from.
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It was just sort of like, oh, that's cute.
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He tells me a little bit about how he ended up at the party,
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which is totally normal. We all have these conversations
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and he was like my best friend. I came with her and I know the
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best friend because these communities are so small.
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I know everyone. So later she comes up to me at
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the same bar and she's like, oh blah, blah, blah, blah, my best
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friend. And I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm met
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him. Then I go work my shift.
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I volunteer. I don't pay a lot of attention
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to it. So best friend girl text me.
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And she says, hey, it was really great to see you.
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Would love to hang out this weekend, Text me, we could go to
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dinner, blah, blah. By the way, best friend boy
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would like to play with you. And that's like a platonic, like
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just spanking, right? So I played cool because like,
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OK, well, that would be fun. But I don't actually think that
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much about it because this weekend is full of drama.
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I am so excited to spend it with all of my friends and everybody
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he's arguing with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
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I'm the single one. All of my coupled up like Buddha
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friends are fighting with each other.
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So I'm alone so much of this like because everyone's in their
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room fighting and arguing and I'm just like, I have no one to
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hang out with. So I text best friend girl.
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This is the day after. I'm like, what are you doing for
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lunch? And she was like, actually,
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we're just about to head out to this restaurant near the hotel
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called Nacho Daddy, like aptly named for like the group of
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people going. And I don't ask about the boy
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because I want to play it cool. But then he shows up and he's
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like coming. And secretly I'm like, Oh my
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God, I'm so glad he's here. Publicly, I barely look at him
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because God forbid I stare at him and make it obvious I like
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him. Very Long story short, it's like
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a 10 minute walk to the restaurant.
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He's not walking with me. Apparently best friend girl at
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some point is like nudging him, being like, go walk next to her.
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And he's like, don't interrupt my game.
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I've got this. And we get to the restaurant, I
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talked about this in my episode with him.
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But we get to the restaurant, best friend girl unties his
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shoes, right? And he's being all dominant and
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what I would consider a little arrogant but whatever.
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Telling her to retie his shoes. And she doesn't do it.
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So he bends down to tie his shoes and I feel that he's been
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far too arrogant and needs to be taken down a notch.
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So I walk over to nudge him hoping he'll fall over.
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But instead of falling over, he throws me over his shoulder and
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stands up from his kneeling position.
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And it was just the most flirty, cute meet cute situation.
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I mean, we had met and talked, but from that moment on, I was
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like instantly I'd like, I wasn't in subspace, but I was
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like, that was so fun. I laughed really hard and it
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sort of took me out of the moment of like, all my friends
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are fighting. There's so much drama.
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This isn't a great party to be like, I'm going to have fun.
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So of course we played into the fact that like I had to be
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spanked for doing that. And later that night, we went
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for a walk and it was so charged of like, romantically, sexually,
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like, I was so into him. He put his hand on my back as we
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like, maneuvered through the crowds on Fremont Street, which
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is like Old Vegas. Area.
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OK, OK, very. Crowded and I was just like so
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into him. I have to say there are a couple
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of things. The only thing that we did that
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weekend was spank. I have a very firm rule at these
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parties. I don't do anything sexual
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because I'm like, I'm going to be going to these parties for a
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long time. We obviously have multiple
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stories of different men that I've had very fun experiences
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with all we can along at these parties.
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And it was important to me that I never had sex with any of
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them. I'm going to tell you that was
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never a struggle until this one because I was like, I really
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want to be with him. But we held it off until the
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Sunday night of the party. He brings me back to his room
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and he's like, look, I think there's something here between
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us, but I do not want long distance.
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So if we were to pursue something, one of us would have
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to move to the other. Meanwhile, all weekend, my whole
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personal drama is that I have to renew my lease in Vegas.
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I don't, I don't know if I want to stay in Vegas or go to Europe
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and travel or like, because I live a wonderful free life where
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I can do whatever I want. So I look at him and I like roll
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my eyes because I'm like, oh, well, like obviously I'd be the
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one to move. But I agree, there's something
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here. I do want something more.
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Let's try it out. We agree that we are going to
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visit each other in a few weeks. I'm going to travel to meet him
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in. Listen, I didn't grow up in the
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United States. My geography is not great.
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He says he's from Kansas City. Logically, I thought that was,
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you know, in Kansas, but no fun. In fact, it's a city that's
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split in half of it's in Kansas, but the other half is in
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Missouri. It's a crashing realization that
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I am about to travel to Missouri and like start considering
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moving to Missouri. I cannot tell you how not
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politically aligned I am with this state, how I have been
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loving life. And like, in my mind, my options
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for life are sunny Vegas or Italy.
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Like I'm literally thinking of these two places.
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I am not thinking of Kansas City, MO.
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I also pull up a map because I have never once been interested
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in the geography of the middle of America.
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Like, I know what states are. I think I can like, name them.
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But I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is like the very center of the
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country. You know, like if you folded
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America in half and then in half again, you would not be that far
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from Kansas City. So I'm like, yeah, this is the
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Midwest. Do you know what I know about
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the Midwest? It's.
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Called what's that? It's called winter tires.
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I'm going to. Flash forward this story like
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lots of ups and downs, lots of arguing, lots of traveling
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between Kansas City and Vegas. Flash forward to where I am
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right now, sitting in my office in his house in Kansas City, MO,
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where I now live. So that's.
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Like all of you at home, this is the applauding saying.
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What a story. So I meet him August 29th.
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By March 29th, I am living here in Kansas City, so I felt we
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moved fast. Yeah.
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Listen, you want to know fast, OK?
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My husband and I, we met working at a restaurant together.
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He was a kitchen guy. He was a line cook.
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I was a server. You know, there's always that
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tension between the back of the house and the front of.
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The house? Yes.
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Yes. I think I've said this story
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like the first words that we ever said to each other was me
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telling him to F off because he told me how to say something
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different. But honest to God, from the time
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that we met and decided that like we like each other, to the
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time that we moved in together was three months, three months.
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But OK. Were you together all of the
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days between that? No.
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Oh, OK. No.
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Why? Not I was the one that went on
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to him or came on to him. It was his very last day at the
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restaurant. You know restaurant staff, you
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get together all the time, you have drinks, you all that stuff.
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We never really associated with each other but we chit chatted
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from time to time. Long story short, I gave him my
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number. It was his last day.
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He was literally on his way out, and I went with a napkin and I
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said, hey, it's going to be my birthday soon.
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I want you to come out with me. And he's like, OK, So I gave him
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my napkin. And sure enough, he ended up
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calling me literally the next day, within two or three, four
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days. I don't remember how long the
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time was, but yeah, my birthday. I went out with my girlfriends.
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He showed up that night, we kissed, and it was like, all
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right, well, we're together now. And it just kind of kept going.
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Well, yeah, isn't it funny when it just happens like that of
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like, oh, we're together now? Yep.
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It is what it is. It also kind of comes out of
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nowhere. Did you ever look back and
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think, oh, I wanted to be single for longer?
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Yes, I will say at the beginning it was crazy, but I I wouldn't
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know until like years later. I will say I didn't really have
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those thoughts because you don't think of that in the moment, but
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maybe it's because I was just so happy.
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I didn't think about it in the moment.
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I did have a girlfriend, she's mid 60s and she told me during
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the summer during my party time of like I want to meet someone
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blah blah blah. I was 36 at the time.
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She was like you will meet someone, you will spend 40 plus
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years with him. What is the rush?
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What is wrong with staying single until you're 40 or
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whatever? For sure.
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And I, I listened to her, but at the same time as like whatever.
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And then I did have a moment of when I was packing up all my
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stuff, giving up living alone in a house, a life that I built for
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myself, I was really having that moment of am I actually ready to
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go into another long term relationship?
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Remember, prior to this, less than a year before this or about
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a year before meeting him, I was engaged, ex fiance decided to
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sell our house and like my life was unraveling as I knew it.
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My full time job at Peacock NBC streaming service had gone away
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because they wanted me to come back into office.
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I was like, no, I'm going to make the king consultant my full
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time thing. And I'm so glad I did.
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I don't have any regrets, but like my life unraveled less
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reserved beforehand. And then I just like I'm going
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into something serious again and that felt a little fast.
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However, the reason I bring that up is so I'm in a 24 seven Dom
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sub relationship. Everything I ever wanted,
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someone who shares my exact same kinks.
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It's amazing. It's everything I ever wanted.
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I wouldn't change this for the world except I feel like I gave
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up a lot. And he understands and respects
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that sacrifice. But like here I am rebuilding my
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life again. So three years ago, not even a
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full 3 years ago, I moved from New York City to Vegas, bought a
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house there, got engaged while I lived there.
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And then all of that falls apart.
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So I rebuild my life in this year that I'm single and then I
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like here I am in Kansas City, Gray skies, like so different
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from my life in Vegas. I mean, in Vegas there were some
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of the most amazing hiking spots around me.
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Everywhere I went, I could do something outdoor that was fun.
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Here, there's less good weather to do those things.
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It's Gray all the time. I have no friends here except
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for him and his friends. And I'm just reinventing myself
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and it's really hard. Like I cry every day.
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I am struggling right now through rebuilding my life for
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what feels it's like third time in three years.
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It was one thing to move to Vegas with my partner and
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rebuild my life and then we broke up and my job like went
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away. I could have kept the job had I
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moved back to New York or LA. So I rebuilt then and now I feel
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like here I am in Kansas City. This is my third time in three
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years rebuilding my life. And one of the scariest things
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to me is I loved living in New York and thought I didn't want
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to leave and I was excited to move to Vegas and then in Vegas,
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I love living in Vegas. I thanked God every single day
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for the sun. I was like, I'm so happy here.
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I love the weather, I love my life here.
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Even through the breakup, I was like, I want to be here.
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And now I'm rebuilding my life in a place that I can honestly
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say I actively knew I never wanted to live.
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Like at no point did I ever want to be here.
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I wasn't sure we could record today because I was crying like
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an hour before we met for our actual meeting, not the
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recording. I was like tearing up.
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I was like, no, Amanda, we cannot do this.
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So I went out and got myself some coffee.
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That's why we had to start our meeting late.
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I was like, let me just go try something new.
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Let me just go get myself out of this hunk reset and come to the
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meeting. And then we had a lovely actual
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meeting, talked real stuff and worked hard.
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And now we're recording. It sounds like to me that you
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need a healthy dose of what my friend Meryl calls delightables.
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Basically the concept is she finds all of these things in her
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life that make her happy, and she reminds herself to be happy
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with all of these little things. It's not just one thing that's
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going to make you happy. Moving there is not going to
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make you happy. But what she likes to do is
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surround herself with all of her little chash keys or things that
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make her happy. So, for example, when she works,
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and I know you do this when she's in her office, she has a
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little lip balm and she has hand cream and then she has this cute
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little little dinosaur that's like a little toy.
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It means nothing. Like if you and I look at it, we
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have no idea of what, like, why is there a dinosaur in that
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photo? Well, guess what?
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That photo represents my wedding and the union with me and my
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husband. You have no idea what that
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means. But that photo means so much to
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me. It's a delightable that mug that
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I absolutely love or that collective of mugs that I have,
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that's a delightable. So by finding all of these
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little bits and pieces and surrounding yourself with it,
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it's almost like reminders of love.
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It's reminders of joy, of all the things that make you feel
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delightful inside. I'm working on it.
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OK, so positive. I lived in a four bedroom house
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to myself and my cousin actually asked when I moved in.
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He was like why did you do that? And I said because I'm a
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Princess and I deserve to be in a castle.
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Fucking right. OK So what I did was I created
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this space, my partner painted it this like beautiful pink
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color. The color is called fuchsia
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forward And my 3 spare bedrooms 1 was a podcast room, 1 was my
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office, and the third was a guest room.
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So what I did was I made this my office, my podcast room.
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The podcast part hasn't come together yet and then bought a
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day bed that I can also lay on. So it's sort of like a third
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space. So this picture people have seen
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it before I bought this at HomeGoods.
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It is nothing fancy but I bought it because it's quite sapphic.
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It reminds me of vaginas so I'm like.
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I just see a bunch of vaginas. Exactly.
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So I was like, let me like vagina picture in like full
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color. So love that.
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And I'm just sort of making the space my own.
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We got a very affordable storage space.
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So like things I didn't want to part with exist now in a storage
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space that I can always go back to and grab stuff from because
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it's pretty easy to like get around.
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It's pretty organized. But anyway, so that's a lot of
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my decor. So I'm making this space my own
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and I, I feel that on my ask me anything Monday, yesterday,
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people asked me like some of the best questions.
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They were, you know, what are you excited about in your city?
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And I just realized, like, not a lot.
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And I need that to change. But it's hard.
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And it's even harder. Sadly, my mom fell and hurt
16:08
herself. So I am going to Ireland
16:10
tomorrow, which is insane. This time tomorrow, I'm going to
16:13
be on a flight to Ireland to hang out with her and just sort
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of help her out as the daughter who gets to work for herself.
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That just like, slows down the process of meeting new people.
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I got on Instagram and I found out, although like, how to make
16:24
friends in Kansas City, I signed up to something called like time
16:27
left, something else called Real Roots.
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I was like, I'm gonna get coffee with people and join these
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groups. And now that's all being held
16:32
off by like a few weeks, which is hard.
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And then I have the cruise coming up.
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Do you remember? I'm going on to a kinky cruise.
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Yes, I'm excited to hear all the stories that come from this.
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Yeah, there's a lot going on in the next little while, so.
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I know. And then I feel bad because when
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I moved in with my partner, the first thing I said to him was
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like, I love to travel. You need to be OK with that.
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My ex hated that I travelled. He didn't like to travel, but I
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would be gone and he'd be really annoyed and want me to come home
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and I just sort of ignored him. I think in every breakup you
17:01
sort of learn how you could have acted better or been better.
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And I think that like the value of me enjoying travelling was
17:06
important. So I talked to him about it and
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he was like, that's really fine, I'm good with that.
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My only request would be that you're not gone 50% of the
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month. That's like totally fair, except
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what do I do? I'm here less than two weeks and
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I book a two week flight to Ireland.
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So I'm like. OK.
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But, you know, this is like a it wasn't a planned situation, you
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know? One of the things we appreciate
17:27
most about each other is we will always show up for our friends
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and family and it's not even a question.
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And that means so much to me. And that's very different from
17:34
my ex of if my friends or family need me, I am there and he's
17:38
very respectful of that because he's the exact same way.
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If someone needs something, he shows up.
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So we just like see that in each other and we accept it.
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And jealousy doesn't come into play there.
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It's just sadness of like, oh, he hates that I have to leave
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for two weeks. We started this conversation off
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talking about like changes and how there's been a shit ton of
17:55
change over the last year. I recognize that you have said
17:59
it multiple times that you're sad that you're, you know what I
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mean? You kind of feel weird about
18:03
being in this new situation, but I am a strong believer that
18:07
things happen for a reason. And like, without going in that
18:10
toxic positivity shit, but I genuinely believe that our life
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needs to explode in order to make room for what?
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The new stuff, the good stuff, all of it.
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I sent you that photo of my money tree.
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I went away. My money tree, everyone, FYI,
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was 5 feet tall. OK, she's a big girl.
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I've had her for a very long time.
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I've nurtured and loved this girl.
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And something happened and every single leaf fell off of my money
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tree. And if you know me and Amanda,
18:39
we have a little woo woo in us. So I panic.
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Great. I went into this massive panic
18:43
that every single petal of my money tree went away and I went
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on vacation, a much needed vacation with my family, and I
18:51
came back to new. It was almost like I needed it
18:55
all to just go away and then come back and start new, new
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vacation. You know what?
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I'm being rested from a vacation, ready to go.
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And so now I'm looking at it. There's literally 12 new buds on
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that pledge. Things need to happen.
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Those pedals need to fall. Shit needs to explode before you
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can get the real stuff. But I know it sounds a little
19:13
scary. Shit's happening.
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That's not in your control right now.
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But yeah, it's for good. I really do think of it because
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think of all the things that we've talked about.
19:20
Now you're able to actually take this business to a whole other
19:24
level because you are in this situation, you're able to help
19:27
more people. You're able to actually go out
19:29
there and do the things that you want to do and love to do
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because we're in this new situation, so.
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And then I am happy with my partner, like every single day.
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I'm so grateful to be here with him because we had to spend so
19:40
long being long distance. And I'm, he is my bright spot.
19:43
But I'm very aware of the fact that I cannot just rely on him
19:46
to be my happy place here. I need to go create my own.
19:49
And he is worth doing that for. Yeah.
19:51
And there was just no question. My job is so flexible.
19:54
He is born and raised here, so his life is so firmly here.
19:58
He's a big family here. I would never want to take him
20:01
away from this except for I'm like, can we like split time?
20:04
Can we like be 50% Vegas, 50% here?
20:07
Because I like Vegas? Not much.
20:09
I also am a firm believer in speaking things into existence.
20:12
So last night I said to my mom, if you don't need surgery, not
20:16
bed rest even, she just she needs someone there to help her.
20:19
I was like, you know what fixes everything that ever goes wrong
20:22
for me? I said.
20:22
A trip to Paris. I've been to Paris 8 or 9 times.
20:25
I grew up in Europe though, so it was really like Ireland to
20:28
Paris. Not a long trip.
20:29
I was like we should go to Paris.
20:30
So I said that to her and she said I'd be down as long as I
20:33
don't need surgery. I was like perfect.
20:34
Then this morning, Rosenfeld, who is this artist I absolutely
20:39
love, he is French. He follows me back on Instagram.
20:42
I've been following him and obsessed with him.
20:44
If you are listening to any of my Spotify playlists that I make
20:47
for King comedianism stuff, his songs are so sexy.
20:50
He follows me back. And my goal, the goal is to have
20:53
him on the podcast at some point.
20:54
And I message him. And we've messaged back and
20:57
forth a little bit before because I've asked him to be on
20:58
the podcast. He was like, when I have new
21:00
music, I'll come on. I'm like, please just cut.
21:02
Like, we don't need new music. The music you have now is good
21:05
enough. Let's go.
21:06
I mean, I love his music right now.
21:07
So I'm a little cheeky. I'm like, oh, I might be in
21:10
Paris within the next two weeks. Are you in Paris or LA?
21:12
And he's like, Paris. And I'm like, let's grab coffee.
21:16
And he's like, yeah, I can make time.
21:18
So I'm like speaking it into the universe that if I end up in
21:22
Paris, which we don't know at the time of this recording
21:25
whether I will or not, how fun would it be to go meet him in
21:29
Paris? Like it's just a weird timing
21:31
thing. I've been following him for well
21:33
over a year, probably 2 years now on Instagram and he finally
21:36
follows me back out of nowhere for no reason.
21:38
I'm like hello universe, thank you.
21:40
Exactly. And like, there's been so many
21:41
moments where you and I, even in our business, right, like
21:44
listeners, we've literally lit candles for like prosperity.
21:49
It all surfaces. I do so many woo things, Brenda.
21:52
That's the one thing I haven't figured out.
21:55
Like where is going to be my woo corner here?
21:57
I literally don't have space for all my candles and fun witchy
22:01
things. So right now they're just on a
22:02
shelf. I need to I need to figure that
22:04
maybe this. Is it?
22:05
Yeah. Like maybe once we figure out
22:07
all the little bits of pieces like that, you know, like that's
22:09
a delightable where do we put all of these?
22:12
Things I know, but it's all going to come together.
22:14
I've said I'm sad many times. I think it's because this is not
22:18
a feeling. I'm super used.
22:19
To I, I will disagree on that one.
22:21
We've been together for almost three years.
22:22
You know, like I've seen you go through ups and downs.
22:25
I think this is a different kind of set.
22:27
Your system is dysregulated. Your system is still trying to
22:31
figure out where is my center. It's not really ready.
22:35
It doesn't know where to go because it doesn't have a home
22:38
base. So I I guarantee you once you
22:40
start putting the pieces together in the office,
22:43
finishing that stuff off and like making his home your home,
22:47
yeah, you will start to feel a lot better.
22:49
I really do think so. It's crazy though, because also
22:51
I do feel his home is my home and I'm, I went from sort of
22:54
being like, well, it's not my home that was totally decorated
22:57
entirely by me. Everything I wanted was where I
22:59
wanted it. And then I was a little harsh on
23:02
him because his home was just the most boy home, the most boy
23:08
home. This office that I'm sitting in
23:09
right now had some sort of Star Wars 6 foot mannequin.
23:13
I walked into the garage today and I was like, I didn't even
23:16
realize this was still here in like in the vicinity.
23:19
I thought he literally this man before I shut up, got this huge
23:23
dumpster and got rid of a bunch of stuff.
23:25
And I'm like, why didn't this go in the dumpster?
23:27
I haven't seen him yet. I need to ask him this.
23:29
I'm like you had a whole dumpster and you didn't think
23:31
this was prime for the dumpster like?
23:34
I'm in love with this man already.
23:36
Like this is hilarious. I know so good.
23:41
I'm just proud of myself. I even know who Darth Vader is,
23:43
even though he's not, like, popular.
23:45
Yeah. Anyway, my point is, it was a
23:47
bachelor pad. Like the couches are all dark
23:50
brown leather. Like.
23:51
He has style. I will give him that.
23:53
I like someone who makes choices and commits to a bit, and he's
23:57
like, this is my house. This is how it's decorated.
24:00
But it's just we could not be more opposite in the way we
24:03
decorate. He's much more partner focused
24:06
of like how do we feel like we're both in this like and
24:09
we're both represented here and I'm like, how do I convince you
24:11
to make it exactly how I want it?
24:13
I think I'm learning a lot about relationships is that is
24:16
amazing. He does many amazing things.
24:18
My only complaint is our styles do not match.
24:21
What's his sign? Is he like super polar opposite
24:24
from you? Sign.
24:25
Or is it the same sign that we have promised each other that we
24:29
were going to go down that line? No.
24:31
No, no, no he's not. This is the first man I've ever,
24:34
ever loved who is not a Pisces. Every man I've ever loved was a
24:38
Pisces until this one. The chat.
24:42
Well done Sagittarius. Like he's a Sagittarian.
24:46
He will not tell me the time he was born.
24:47
He's like not not into all this woo woo stuff, but he's like,
24:51
no, what if you find out he. Doesn't want you to nod.
24:53
Things he, he's worried that I'll find out we're not meant to
24:56
be with each other, blah blah blah.
24:57
And he's like, I don't even know the time I'm born, which is such
25:00
an inconvenience. However, I, I know he was born
25:03
here in Kansas City and I know the day and year he was born.
25:06
So I'm like. Go to public records.
25:08
I'm sure we can find something, yeah.
25:09
If there's any astrologist out there, I once I went to an
25:11
astrologist who I didn't have a different exes time of birth and
25:15
he was into astrology. He just didn't know what time he
25:17
was born. She like looks at this book, her
25:19
name's Anne Ortley and she looks at this book and she's like, was
25:22
his mother like this or was his mother like that?
25:26
And I said his mother was like that.
25:27
And she said then he was born around this time and later we
25:30
found out the time of birth and it was accurate enough.
25:33
And I was like oh crap, I need to call Anne Ortley again or
25:36
something and find out information like this.
25:38
This is interesting because like my first thought earlier, you
25:41
start talking about him and some of the things he's doing.
25:43
I'm like, Oh no, don't tell me some Pisces because then this is
25:46
like, dude. So I'm super.
25:47
Happy ever do a Pisces again. However, I'm convinced every
25:51
good Dom I've ever met used Android phone and he's an
25:55
Android user. I'm an iPhone user.
25:57
I will be for the rest of my life.
25:59
You will never get me to change. I don't care how good the
26:01
cameras, I don't give a crap. I love my iPhone.
26:05
He's an Android user though, and that's for me.
26:07
If someone pulls out an Android, I'm like well you're probably a
26:10
really good Dom. That's my take away.
26:12
Like. I have a Google phone so.
26:14
This is hilarious. Yes, that's why.
26:16
Yes, of course my biz Dom would be an Android user, although it
26:20
would be much more convenient if you were an iPhone user.
26:23
But. Never.
26:24
Never happening. Ever.
26:26
So I guess every man I've ever loved was because I didn't love
26:30
the German no matter what happened.
26:31
He was an iPhone user, but a Pisces.
26:34
But like, yes, long track record.
26:36
Brenda, you weren't just my biz Dom.
26:38
There are many people in the sex coaching space who you biz Dom
26:42
for. So then we started to know a lot
26:44
of the same people too, which added a different layer to it,
26:47
yeah. That's.
26:48
True. It's like being in an office
26:50
again when you're in this space and you know, so many people
26:52
because again, just like this fango community, the sex
26:54
educator space is pretty small as well.
26:56
In fact, sometimes I come across on Instagram another educator
26:59
who has tons of followers and followers don't matter, but I'm
27:02
sort of like always shocked and it doesn't happen as frequently
27:04
anymore. Whereas sometimes out of nowhere
27:06
I'll see someone and I'm like, oh, I didn't know who this
27:08
person was. I need to reach out to them to
27:09
have them on the podcast and like, yeah, it's just
27:11
refreshing. It's nice.
27:13
I mean, this space too, like it's, it is hard, like returning
27:15
to business stuff, but like when we're doing sex education, a lot
27:19
of the part is like socials and trying to figure out and getting
27:22
people to be educated. And I find that this space
27:26
lately has been very, very hard. There's a lot of censorship
27:28
happening, especially with all the shit that's happening in our
27:31
world. And it's been difficult to help
27:33
you guys get out there, get reach and figure out and like
27:36
help people, you know. So I love that you are in this
27:40
podcast space because it's the one place that and some stuff.
27:43
It's those two spaces where I'm finding for anybody who's out
27:47
there listening, you really want to get a good education without
27:51
any of the censorship. It's finding really good
27:53
podcasts and finding really good sub stack articles.
27:56
We're able to actually talk about the stuff we want to talk
27:58
about here. So that's fine.
27:59
I. Like it, I want to do the PSA,
28:00
like to your point, Balessa code.
28:03
I've done vibrator brand sponsored deals with them.
28:07
I love them. I personally do not love
28:09
standing in a video with a vibrator, but I have done it
28:12
because remember the end of last year, I went on that journey of
28:14
trying to find a vibrator I liked and I did find some, but
28:17
I've sort of moved away from that because it was like I just
28:20
didn't love all the comments I got about it.
28:21
So I was like, you know what this isn't, it doesn't feel good
28:24
for me to open my app and dread what people are saying to me
28:26
about like a video and it felt creepy and invasive.
28:29
However, I've worked with Balessa, I've taken photos,
28:32
they've sponsored some of my videos before.
28:34
They have someone, one of the funniest Instagram over 700,000
28:36
followers. They got banned for using the
28:38
word clipped. 700,000 followers gone.
28:40
I believe they're starting a class action lawsuit against.
28:43
It but not, not everybody has access to cash to be able to go
28:46
and do those types of things to do a lot of lawsuit.
28:49
I'm worried because they no longer exist.
28:52
Then they created another account called Balesa Censored
28:55
to say like hey, and they got 50,000 followers and then that
28:58
was banned. And then from what I understand
29:00
of other people who go through this, sometimes they'll ban your
29:03
startup account because they're being like, well, you're
29:05
circumnavigating. But also they were using that
29:08
account to get people together for a class action lawsuit.
29:10
I just want to talk about that censorship is so wrong.
29:13
It was a community for women and their point is how dare you let
29:17
all of these erectile dysfunction medicines say
29:19
whatever you want. And Melissa had spent ad money
29:22
with Meta. And it's just this really fucked
29:25
up situation that is pissing me off.
29:27
It put it makes me nervous. Every morning the first thing I
29:29
do is check Instagram to see if I'm still on there because there
29:32
I'm scared to say the things I want to say.
29:35
I don't make as much content anymore because I feel it's hard
29:38
to be authentic. And you're not the only one.
29:40
This whole industry is saying these exact same things.
29:44
I'm working with people that are not just sex and relationship
29:48
coaches. I'm dealing with therapists who
29:50
deal with these types of things. I'm dealing with more or less
29:53
women who are just wanting to educate people.
29:57
You know, I'm not talking about how to do a blowjob here.
30:00
I'm talking about safety. I'm talking about making sure
30:04
that you know your cake specifically.
30:06
Like, let's talk about how to be safe in your cake, how to
30:09
actually teach different things. Like it's literally education
30:13
and not the, let's say, the vulgar stuff that Meta thinks it
30:17
is. Yes, very big on the quotation
30:21
marks here, you know, because we're just trying to educate and
30:25
it's really, really sad. This whole industry, I think is
30:28
very much in this same boat. And we're all struggling to
30:31
figure out how do we get this content out there.
30:33
So anybody listening, if you really want this, like faces
30:36
like this and faces like Sam Stack are some of the places
30:40
that are allowing us to have these conversations.
30:42
And it's important to have that builds community there.
30:44
I think that's the biggest thing to say, right?
30:47
Yes, it's about community and it's so hard to find that.
30:50
And then I hate to admit this. Like please, if anyone is
30:52
listening in the links below in the show notes, there are ways
30:56
to get on my e-mail list. That is going to be your number
30:59
one way to stay in contact with me should something happen.
31:02
I hate that I even have to say that.
31:04
I've spent money advertising on Instagram and it's getting
31:07
scary. Yeah, absolutely.
31:08
So like we're going to plug the emails here in the bottom.
31:11
Please go down, join the e-mail list because like, it's the only
31:15
way that we can make sure that you, the audience continues to
31:19
hear the things that we have to say and you get what you want
31:23
from us as educators, you know, like it's, it's so please sign
31:27
up. I mean, and we've worked really
31:28
hard, but there's so many freebies that Ioffer.
31:31
I have my reading list, my BDSM checklist, like the yes, no
31:34
maybe list, which I painstakingly created a PDF
31:37
document that you can fill in easily.
31:39
Like literally, I think I spent in the end 15 hours making all
31:43
the little boxes and making it like what it is.
31:46
I could cry thinking about it. We work really hard to get you
31:50
guys these resources, OK? And that's because I want
31:52
people. I know Brenda.
31:53
Brenda put in so much other time doing all of the other parts,
31:56
but I was nearly in tears not. Just me.
31:59
Yeah, no. But like making the PDF version
32:02
of it, I was like, this is insanity.
32:03
But so blood, sweat and tears goes into this.
32:05
So it's a free checklist. And I've never seen anybody else
32:09
offer a free checklist that can be done on a PDF and clicked
32:12
through. So we're not talking an Excel
32:14
spreadsheet that you mark off and print.
32:16
This can be print like filled in and printed out on APDF, all
32:19
fitting on the page properly I'm very proud of.
32:22
It it's a good one absolutely, and it's the only way we've seen
32:26
different things like this before.
32:27
Yes, no, maybe list, you know, like it's very simple and
32:30
they're there to help you get an idea.
32:33
But what this actually does is it allows you the time to sit
32:36
with your partner and like give them a full picture of where you
32:42
are right and what you want to try.
32:44
Like I can't tell you how many people I talk to who are not in
32:48
this space. And when I explain what I do,
32:50
they like, what do you mean? What do you mean is more things
32:53
outside of say missionary, you know what I mean?
32:56
It's like, Oh my God. Well, under bondage alone,
32:59
there's this and this and this and this and this and this and
33:01
this. You know, and when you don't
33:03
know what possibilities are out there, this document actually
33:07
helps extremely like to go through and try and find all of
33:11
this. Honestly, I was overwhelmed with
33:13
how many options there were under each of the different.
33:17
I know and then not to even mention this is super
33:19
embarrassing, but if you did download it more than a month
33:21
ago, I only had something got messed up and for sensory, I
33:25
only had half the list. So then I had to update that.
33:28
And if you downloaded more than a month ago, you didn't have
33:30
this PDF option that you have now.
33:32
I need to like tell more people about this.
33:34
I am so bad at this yes. So there's we'll put the link in
33:37
the show notes so you can download it again and there's
33:39
just more options. It's better, new and improved
33:41
PDSM checklist. So speak your desires with
33:44
confidence and it's the reading list and the BDSM checklist.
33:46
All three of these people have access to totally free.
33:50
Just get on the e-mail list and you can have all of them.
33:52
So that's the industry. That's a look at the industry
33:56
overall. So in the next few weeks, I have
33:58
the crews coming up. Now that I am in a Dom sub
34:00
relationship, I want to create a new class and it's basically
34:04
tapping into your Dom energy 2 point O because I have been up
34:08
close and personal with someone who was a full time dominant.
34:12
Do you know what I mean? I'm a switch and that's part of
34:14
why I made the course because it basically the original 1 tapping
34:17
into your Dom energy 1.0. I made it for switches who
34:20
struggled to be in the Dom role even though they want to.
34:23
So it's tips and tricks, watching a Dom up close and
34:26
personal and literally taking notes.
34:27
I study him sometimes I ask him questions.
34:29
I'm like, well, how did you know what I was going to say?
34:31
How did you know to be like this?
34:32
And you know he answers it. He's very thoughtful in his
34:35
approach and it's sort of giving me an update version of it.
34:39
So we have Dom 2 Point O coming up on April 23rd.
34:44
I'm going to be going on that cruise.
34:45
Just more to come all around. Listen, lots of changes in your
34:48
or in the last year. The next year is going to be
34:52
ridiculous and we're going to have lots of fun doing it and
34:54
I'm excited to be a part of. It all right, so those are all
34:57
my updates. I I am behind on the podcast.
35:00
By the time this episode comes out, I hope I am safely in
35:03
Ireland, but follow along on Instagram Stories to see where I
35:06
am and what's going on in my life.
35:09
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
35:12
a review and share it with anyone who might find it
35:14
interesting. And if you have any questions or
35:16
topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
35:19
reach out e-mail info@thekingconsultant.com.
35:23
Until next time, keep on Kinkin on.