Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / The Talk Track How Women Negotiate Salary Second
Transcript
- Lucas: There's a moment in every job negotiation that I think reveals more about how we're socialised than almost any other — and it's the very first number out of your mouth, or the silence after the offer lands. Luna: You're talking about who speaks first. Lucas: Exactly. But I want to talk about a specific version of that moment — one that a lot of women might recognise. It's the decision to not negotiate at all until you have a competing offer in hand. Luna: Right — 'I'll wait until I have leverage.' That's a common refrain I hear from women I coach. Lucas: And it makes intuitive sense, right? You don't want to ask for more unless you can prove you're worth it with another offer. But a recent working paper from the University of Chicago and Simon Fraser University suggests that strategy — waiting for a competing offer before you negotiate — actually costs women significantly over time. Luna: Let me guess — men don't wait. Lucas: They don't. The study tracked 2,800 MBA graduates across ten years. Men negotiated their initial offer about 60 percent of the time. Women negotiated only about 30 percent — unless they had a competing offer. With a competing offer, women's negotiation rate jumped to almost 55 percent. So women are effectively outsourcing their negotiation trigger to an external event. Luna: And that delay — waiting for that second offer — it compounds. Lucas: It does. The researchers calculated that women who only negotiate with a competing offer leave about $28,000 on the table over the first five years compared to men who negotiate upfront. And that's just the direct salary difference. It doesn't account for the compounding effect on bonuses, retirement contributions, or future offers that are pegged to your current base. Luna: So the strategy that feels safe — 'I'll wait until I have a better hand' — actually backfires because you're not building the muscle of negotiating from the start. Lucas: And because employers interpret the silence. When you don't negotiate the first offer, the employer assumes you're satisfied. Then when you come back with a competing offer and ask for more, it can feel like an ultimatum. You've now framed your ask as a threat to leave, not as a request to be valued. Luna: Which can damage the relationship before you even start. I've seen women get the raise but lose the goodwill. Lucas: And here's the harder part — the study found that even when women do negotiate, they ask for less than men on average. Men's initial counteroffers were about 7 percent above the initial offer. Women's were about 4.5 percent. So you have a smaller ask, made later, with less frequency. Luna: It's a triple penalty. Lucas: Exactly. And I want to be careful here — this isn't about blaming women for not negotiating. It's about how the structure of negotiation itself is gendered. The norm is that you negotiate immediately, assertively, without waiting for permission. That norm was built by men, for men. Luna: And women are socialised to gather evidence first, to prove worth before asking. The competing offer is the ultimate evidence. Lucas: So the question becomes — how do you break that cycle? The researchers suggest one tactical shift: reframe the initial negotiation not as asking for a favour, but as providing information. You say something like, 'I'm excited about this role. Based on my experience and market data, I believe a salary of X is more aligned with the value I'll bring.' That's not aggressive — it's informative. Luna: It's also a move that doesn't require a competing offer. You're bringing your own data. Lucas: And that data matters. The study found that women who used market benchmarks — industry salary surveys, cost of living data — were almost as likely to negotiate as men, and they got similar results. The key was leading with external evidence, not internal anxiety. Luna: I think that's a really practical takeaway. But I also wonder — does this pattern start earlier? Like, do women negotiate less in their first job out of college, and then that gap just widens? Lucas: It does. Another dataset from the same research team looked at 1,500 undergraduates. Women were about 40 percent less likely to negotiate their first job offer. And that first salary sets the baseline for everything that follows. A $5,000 difference on day one can become a $500,000 difference over a forty-year career, assuming standard raises and promotions. Luna: It's the compound interest of negotiation. Lucas: Exactly. And we should say — there are structural reasons for this beyond socialisation. Women are more likely to be penalised for negotiating, especially in male-dominated fields. A well-known study from Carnegie Mellon found that managers were less willing to work with women who negotiated than with men who did the same thing. So the fear isn't baseless. Luna: But the response isn't to never negotiate — it's to negotiate differently. To use the talk track that signals collaboration, not confrontation. Lucas: Right. And to negotiate early, before the competing offer becomes a crutch. One of the researchers suggested a rule of thumb: always negotiate the first offer, even if it's just for a small adjustment. It sets a precedent that you're someone who advocates for yourself. Luna: I've actually tried that. When I got my current role, I asked for a $5,000 increase and got it. And I remember feeling like I was being greedy. But the hiring manager later told me she respected that I asked. Lucas: That's the thing — most managers expect negotiation. They leave room in the offer. If you don't take it, you're leaving money on the table that the company budgeted for you anyway. Luna: But I think a lot of women don't know that. They think the offer is final. Lucas: And that's why this conversation matters. The information asymmetry is part of the problem. Companies know that many women won't negotiate, so they can offer lower initial numbers. It's a self-reinforcing cycle. Luna: So what's the one piece of advice you'd give a woman who's about to receive a job offer and feels the urge to wait for a competing offer? Lucas: I'd say: negotiate now. You don't need a competing offer to have leverage. You have leverage because you are the candidate they chose. They invested time and energy in you. They want you to say yes. Use that as your starting point, not a second offer from another company. Luna: And if you're worried about damaging the relationship, use the collaborative frame: 'Help me understand how we can make this work for both of us.' Lucas: That's a great line. And it's honest — you're not demanding, you're problem-solving. That's a talk track that works for anyone, regardless of gender. Luna: I want to come back to something you said earlier — about how this pattern compounds. We should talk about lifetime earnings in a concrete way. Lucas: Sure. Let's take a typical scenario. A woman graduates and doesn't negotiate her first job at $60,000. A male peer negotiates to $65,000. Over the next five years, they both get 3 percent annual raises. The man is now at about $75,000. The woman is at about $69,500. That's a $5,500 gap that has nothing to do with performance — it's purely from the initial negotiation. Luna: And if she then moves jobs and the new employer bases her offer on her current salary — which many still do — she's permanently behind. Lucas: Exactly. That's why the 'don't ask about salary history' laws exist, but they're not universal and they're hard to enforce. The gap persists. Luna: So the tactical shift matters. But I also think there's a cultural shift needed — in how we talk about negotiation as a skill, not a character flaw. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's something we can all do, regardless of our role. If you're a manager, you can signal that negotiation is welcome. If you're a peer, you can share what you negotiated. Transparency is one of the most powerful tools we have. Luna: Before we wrap, I want to ask you about one more finding from that study — did they look at race or other identities? Lucas: They did, and the effects were compounded for women of colour. Black women and Latina women were even less likely to negotiate initially, and when they did, they faced higher pushback. So the advice to negotiate early needs to be paired with an understanding that the stakes are higher and the risks are real. Luna: That's crucial context. It's not a one-size-fits-all solution. Lucas: No, it's not. But the data gives us a starting point. The talk track of waiting for a competing offer is a trap for many women. The alternative — negotiating early, with market data, in a collaborative tone — is a skill that can be learned and practised. And it pays off. Luna: Alright, I'm going to try that next time. Thanks for the research. Lucas: You're welcome. And if you're listening and you've got a negotiation story — success or failure — we'd love to hear it. You can reach us at the show's page. Luna: That's it for this episode of Women at Work with Fexingo. We'll be back next week with another conversation.