Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / The FEEL Framework: Women’s Empowerment, Self-Discovery & Personal Growth Explained with Melissa Crook

Transcript

The FEEL Framework: Women’s Empowerment, Self-Discovery & Personal Growth Explained with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:12
  Hello Melissa prick here. Welcome to the field podcast
• 0:16
  today. I'm so happy to be with you.
• 0:18
  It's time for another empowerment session episode this
• 0:22
  week. I'm going to go back to the very
• 0:24
  beginning and I realized I haven't done this in a while.
• 0:27
  I mean, if you listen to the very first episode I dropped in
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  July of 2021, I go into this quite a bit, but you know,
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  that's been 4 1/2 years ago and I and there's been a lot of
• 0:45
  growth and evolution and broader thinking that has come into this
• 0:52
  feel framework that I have created.
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  So I thought, let's go back to the beginning, the original
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  creation of this field framework, these eight key
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  talking points, these three key questions and how they came to
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  be. I mean, you can go to the
• 1:08
  website bracinglayers.com on the Work with Melissa page.
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  It tells my story and how I decided to do this work and why,
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  but I haven't talked about the individual creation for a while.
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  So for those that are new, I thought this would be a good
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  time to revisit that. So that's what we're going to
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  focus on today. If you've not been with me
• 1:30
  before, I have what's called the field framework, the talking
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  points that I use here with guests on our podcast that have
• 1:39
  also now been utilized in a book in my online course, in
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  one-on-one empowerment sessions. What I build speaking both
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  workshops and keynotes around. It's become this whole broader
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  use where but the original idea of it was when I went into these
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  conversations, I wanted to have talking points that set apart
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  these conversations from others that were having women were
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  having out there. What was going to make me have a
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  little bit of a different take on it that was also just
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  authentic to my experience, And it turned out that it was a
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  compilation of the things that I had learned since I really dug
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  deep into my healing journey in the fall of 2019.
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  And over that time period between starting that and almost
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  two years later, a little under two years later, starting this
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  podcast was this realization of what I hadn't been addressing in
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  my own life. And as I was talking to other
• 2:51
  women, what they were also finding that they had not been
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  addressing. And how do we make this into
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  kind of a succinct framework to work off of, to present with, to
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  build conversations off of, to build creating new healthy
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  habits off of, to give us something to really guide us and
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  direct this that felt relatable and tangible, that could go with
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  you anywhere. And so I, you know, when I, when
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  I first decided in March 2021 that I wanted to start the
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  podcast, I knew it was like, OK, I want to have these
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  conversations, but what do they look like?
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  What are we going to honed in on?
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  What's going to set us apart? And that's really where my
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  daughter's journeys, my son in law's journeys, my husband's
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  journey and my Co founders journeys, Valencia, San Louie
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  and Abby Bikel, all of us coming together and talking about, OK,
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  this is what we want to do. And by having these
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  conversations, it brought to life to me.
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  Oh wow. Through all of these different
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  people in my circle, I'm actually applying these things.
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  I've just never put them together so succinctly before.
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  So it became really this. I knew I wanted to have an
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  acronym that would get people's attention and I wanted that
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  acronym to be words that really applied.
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  And so emotions and the lack of dealing with all of our emotions
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  was a big core part of my journey.
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  And so feel it was pretty easy in conversations with all of
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  these people I've mentioned in my circle.
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  And really finally coming down to myself and Abby and Valencia
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  as we started meeting in spring of 2021.
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  I, I, I was able to come through with, OK, I want it to be feel,
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  but what does feel stand for? And because I want us to get
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  back in touch with ourselves and quit living so disassociated
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  from our bodies and what they're trying to tell us.
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  And we've got to give ourselves permission to feel and not
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  believe the lie that there's not time for it.
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  That there's only some things that are appropriate to feel.
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  That we put things on the back burner because they might be
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  inconvenient for others. And and that's a form of
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  abandoning ourselves. So that as we talked through it
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  together, we were able to come up with finding empowerment,
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  embracing layers. And that was the birth of what
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  are all the different pieces and parts of this.
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  I'm like layers. I mean we just broke down each
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  letter. I'm like, what am I trying to
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  say? And I realized through these
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  conversations with my family and my Co founders that we had
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  already been talking a lot. And Valencia and I had a lot of
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  conversations about this because I had been her mentor since 2018
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  and she and I had been talking about healthy boundaries.
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  Because I've learned a lot about that from my daughters and then
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  really realized the importance of that even more when I got
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  into my own therapy. I realized that taking care of
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  ourselves, that there was this false narrative out there, that
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  it was selfish, and that that's something that not only myself,
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  but many other women and girls had been hearing through both
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  direct and indirect cultural messages and societal messages
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  ever since they were very young. And what it looks like to take
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  that apart and speak. No, actually, if we fill our
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  cups, everyone wins. They get a fully resourced,
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  present version of us, healthy version of us with them, and so
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  we're taking care of our own Wellness and showing up
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  healthier for the people in our lives.
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  I knew that boundaries was a part of that.
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  I knew that missing the connection between mental,
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  emotional and physical health have been a big part of my
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  journey and how I ended up having my so-called, really not
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  so-called. It was a crash and burn really
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  in the fall of 2019. So I knew that had to be part of
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  the discussion and through these conversations had recognized
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  that, you know, I'm realizing that we as women are all going
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  through this. How do we show up collectively
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  and support each other and quit believing the lie that we're the
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  only ones having this experience or that it's not OK to talk
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  about this experience? Because I knew that the core of
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  this had to be we've got to start talking about the things
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  that are getting in the way of us living healthy and well.
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  And that means talking about the things we've been told not to
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  talk about, those hard emotions, menopause, periods, infertility,
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  sexual health, financial health, pregnancy, patriarchy, misogyny.
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  And then how that factored in not only to our personal
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  journeys, but the other layers that come into play, our
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  societal make up, where we live, our cultural narrative, our
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  faith space narrative, our ethnicity narrative and race
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  narrative. And how we identify all of these
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  things, socio economic, all of these things add layers to our
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  experience as women. And so it's like, OK, so showing
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  up for first for ourselves, well, what I call
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  unapologetically, no more saying you're sorry for needing to care
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  for yourself, for having an opinion, for believing you
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  belong in a room and have something to say.
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  Starting that with ourselves. And then also extending that to
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  the other women in our lives, being curious about that, how we
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  can show up well for that. How can ask questions and not
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  assume we already know based on our own story.
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  Realizing that we all have our own unique stories and being
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  willing to listen to those stories and realizing the impact
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  our decisions and choices have not only on ourselves, but other
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  people. And then that that realization,
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  and this goes back to my daughter's again, that why in
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  values piece, where is that coming from?
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  Is who is that focused on? Is that focused on things we've
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  learned and taken on or do we really believe that?
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  Have we actually asked ourselves these questions the the
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  expectations journey? Are we living out of our own?
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  Are we living out of others? Are we living a life that we
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  were told we were supposed to live versus the one that we
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  really feel called to? Are we paying attention to
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  whether we feel content or angst in our soul, in the in the
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  realization of the importance of embracing those layers?
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  That we no longer live in shame and judgement?
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  That we no longer are pushing things aside that make us
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  uncomfortable or make other people around us uncomfortable?
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  That we're giving room for all of it to breathe with curiosity
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  rather than judgement. Such a key component I learned
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  through my therapy. And we all agreed that we we
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  liked the layout of this. It gave guided conversations.
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  It was, even though these talking points were going to be
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  the same talking points with each guest, the realization that
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  we all have our own journey. There were going to be some
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  commonalities and conversations, but there were also going to be
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  some unique nuances because of our different lived experiences.
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  And that has borne out to be true.
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  I, I, I've watched this over the years and no two conversations
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  are alike. They may have commonalities.
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  There may be common themes that come out of them.
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  And then that gives us a clue of maybe what we need to be talking
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  about more like the power of saying no period, not needing to
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  over explain, not needing to apologize and leave with I'm
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  sorry before we ask a question or ask to be heard or ask for
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  accommodation or we need help. So there, there definitely have
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  been those commonalities, but then everybody's got their own
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  take. I learned something from
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  everybody, but I also knew if I didn't go in with a set of
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  talking points, we'd have conversations that would go on
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  for hours. So I needed something to kind of
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  keep me in alignment, but also that could be relatable with the
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  idea of like, no one has all the perfect answers to these.
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  This is just to give us a framework, a script of things
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  that we can ask ourselves regularly to check in with
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  ourselves to ensure we're living in alignment with ourselves.
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  And then, you know, wrapping up the conversations with, OK, how
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  does living out feel? Finding empowerment, embracing
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  layers not only impact my relationship with myself now
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  that I've taken the time to do this work with myself, but also
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  how I renew it and connect with others.
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  It impacts who we will and won't allow into our spaces, who we
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  will and won't listen to because we know our value and we're also
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  not looking to our relationships to provide our happiness.
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  We know that we're responsible for that, so we're not putting
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  an unnecessary burden on a relationship to provide
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  something that it was never meant to provide.
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  It is to add to our life and to feel like a choice that we get
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  to have that, not that we need to have that or have to have
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  that. And we're dependent upon that
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  for us to be happy so that all that work there, that that feel
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  and layers work does to come together.
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  And then, you know, I always introduce guests back at the
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  beginning by their character traits.
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  And this came from an idea that my middle daughter gave me about
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  things that she had heard. I believe story corps uses this
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  and some other places. But I'm like, Oh, what a unique
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  way to go into it because we are so many times we our identity is
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  rooted in how much we accomplish, how, quote UN quote
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  successful we are. How many, how many awards, what
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  our titles are, what our roles are and we don't actually know
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  who we are as a person. And so when one of those roles
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  or titles goes away or we don't feel like we're meeting society
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  standard of going, going and doing all the time because we're
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  exhausted, we lose sense of where what our value is.
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  And it's like, no, your value isn't who you are.
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  Your value is that you are alive and that you are breathing, that
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  you were created to bring something unique to this life
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  that no one else has to offer. So who are you?
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  And so introducing people at the beginning with that, and then
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  naturally through the conversations, what people do
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  come up and those resources are listed.
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  But this is really about who we are as people and how asking
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  ourselves these intentional questions regularly and inviting
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  others to ask them as well informs our ability to live our
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  healthiest, most aligned, authentic life.
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  And then at the end, giving our listeners something to take
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  away. And this is, and I'll get into
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  in a moment, how this has become other things that I've created.
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  But at the beginning of my thought process is what is a
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  take away people can have at the end?
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  And it's like, maybe they need help remembering or thinking
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  about or identifying activities that nourish them and fill their
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  cups. Let's have our guests share
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  those. And maybe they haven't thought
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  about how they want to feel in their lives over the next day,
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  week, three months, six months. And so we, we asked that
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  question just to give some insights and people things to
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  think about as the episode wraps up.
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  And so that really was the journey of us identified.
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  OK, we've got some talking points here.
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  We've got some things to guide these conversations.
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  Know what, people are talking about different parts of these,
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  but there's nobody out there talking about all of these in
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  this way. And there's especially not a lot
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  of people talking about this in terms of introducing yourself by
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  your character traits and who you are rather than what you do.
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  And so we felt good about that. And what I realized about a year
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  and a half into it was this framework had so much more
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  potential besides these conversations I was having.
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  These could be designed into book form for people to really
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  start applying them to their own lives and taking those
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  highlights from what our guest said and inviting other people
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  into thinking about really applying these things to
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  themselves and asking themselves really intentional self
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  reflection questions about each talking point.
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  And then from there it was like, I can talk about this to other
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  women. I can share this framework in
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  speaking form and hopefully give them something to think about.
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  I can introduce these concepts to them in speaking form.
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  And so I started speaking and then I wrote the online course.
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  And this really took into consideration all of the
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  conversations and things that I continue to learn by applying
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  this framework to myself and in the conversations I have and
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  presenting them to others. And really giving people that
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  online course that they can buy once and have for always to
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  reflect on, to go back to, to revisit, to invite others into.
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  And, and so all of these things. And then the one-on-one
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  empowerment sessions where sometimes we just need an
• 16:35
  accountability partner or someone that's just a little
• 16:38
  removed to help us see things that we already have within us
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  that we just need some help getting in touch with.
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  And so that's why I'm very intentional about calling them
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  empowerment sessions. I'm not a coach, I'm just here
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  to help you, invite you in, to advise you, give you some
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  insights into what's already in you, and then you can tap into
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  it and apply it. It's so empowering to know that
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  you've got it in you already, you just need some help
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  accessing it. And so this, but it all was born
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  out of these meetings and these discussions with my family and
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  my Co founders in the spring of 2021 and my therapist of what
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  have I learned? How am I applying it?
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  How can I invite other women to apply it?
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  And how can we bring these into these conversations that we need
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  to be having about the things that get in the way of us living
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  our most healthiest authentic lives?
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  So that was that was the beginning point and then it has
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  branched out into all of these other pieces.
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  I had no idea that was going to be the case when I set these out
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  in 2021. I could not have put these
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  together without the help of of my Co founders at the in
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  Valencia, of my daughter's, of my husband's insights, my son in
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  law's insights, my therapist insights.
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  These people all fed pieces into things they'd observed with me,
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  things that were going through themselves, things they had
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  learned. And this really helped me see.
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  Wait a minute. This is actually the things that
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  I'm asking myself. I've just never put it in this
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  form before or I know how much it's helped me and those ones
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  around me. This, I think, can be a really
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  helpful way to have conversations and get other
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  women thinking about this too. And as I did that, the
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  realization of all the potential of the field framework really
• 18:33
  became clear and it has become what we offer today here at the
• 18:38
  Embracing Layers Network. So I hope that this give you
• 18:42
  some insights and some inclinations.
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  I hope it sparked your curiosity.
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  Go to Embracing Layers dot com to see all that we offer.
• 18:51
  Take a look at the PDF to get you started on some three key
• 18:53
  questions to start getting curious about yourself.
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  They're also great icebreaker questions and to ask others and
• 19:02
  consider next time you meet someone, introducing yourself by
• 19:06
  your character traits and then asking them what are you
• 19:09
  passionate about? What fills your cup?
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  Get to know them as a person. It's just a different lens than
• 19:15
  just automatically asking people what they do.
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  So I hopefully found this helpful and insightful and gave
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  you a little bit of a inside look and a reminder.
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  If you've been with us for a while, with us all birth from
• 19:28
  and the thinking behind it, you are worthy, you are valuable,
• 19:34
  and you get to choose. Thanks so much for being with me
• 19:37
  today here on the Field podcast. Take good care and we'll see you
• 19:39
  next time.