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You Don’t Have to Be "In the Mood" - Or Get an Erection · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for April 17, 2026 You don't have to be in the mood, or get an erection.
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  Today's topic isn't just an issue
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  for older folks, but it can become a blockade to sex for those over 50.
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  Let's talk about sex drive.
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  Modern society has reduced sex drive to a physical urge to have sex,
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  being horny in common terms.
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  But sex drive is far more than what's going on between our legs.
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  It's also what we think and feel.
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  Our emotions and relationship are a big part of it. Most women,
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  about three quarters, rarely or never feel a physical sex drive outside of when they are having sex.
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  This is normal for them and doesn't mean that they have no interest in sex.
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  There are women who seek and enjoy sex often despite never feeling a physical push to do so.
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  The way society treats sex may cause these women to worry something is wrong with them.
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  But this responsive desire is perfectly normal.
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  If you want to have sex with your husband, and don't wait to feel it down there.
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  Tell him you want to have sex, but you will need his help getting your body
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  to want it. Then relax and enjoy.
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  What about guys? Most young men have a very strong physical drive,
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  so much so they may ignore or be unaware of the other aspects of their sex drives.
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  As they get older, they may need to get in touch with these other aspects.
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  Less physical drive doesn't mean they have lost interest in sex or in their wife.
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  It just means their bodies have changed. It's common for men and women to think
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  the penis is a barometer of a man's sexual desire But this is wrong A man can
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  have an erection and zero interest in having sex Alternatively,
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  a man can very much want sex and not have an erection Or be able to get one
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  I talked earlier this week about ED drugs These work for most men,
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  but not all And some men can't take them because of medical issues A penis pump
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  will give a man an erection Some couples find this useful, some do not,
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  But not being able to get an erection need not be the end of a couple's sex life.
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  A man does not need an erection to pleasure his wife to orgasm.
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  He can use his hands, his mouth, or a sex toy on her.
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  What's more, he doesn't need an erection to have an orgasm. Manual sex will get him there.
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  Oral is generally more effective. A strong vibrator is a very good way.
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  Focus on the underside of the head of the penis.
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  Erections are nice, but they are not necessary for great sex.
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  Likewise for physical drive. If you want to be sexual, you can find a way This
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  is Paul, and doing sex well looks different in different seasons of life You'll
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  find links in the show notes to devices mentioned.