Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / What Nobody Tells You About Dating When Sex Isn't Your Primary Attraction | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 38

Transcript

What Nobody Tells You About Dating When Sex Isn't Your Primary Attraction | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 38 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe even spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire, let's get lit.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Let's get lit.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: El Senor, taco Knuckle or HH Julius or just Julius here with another episode for you just talking about my opinions, maybe throw some facts in.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: That's what we're doing for the current year.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: All that and in between these episodes run about 20-30 minutes or so, depending on what the topic is.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: But yeah, keep them short or I'll run them by myself.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed last week's episode with my great and glorious guest, melanie Caroline from the Moms Unboxed podcast, so hopefully we'll have more of those with, like I said, rotating cast of guests that I have chosen, no, who I've connected with and I seem friendly.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: And not only we share the same opinions, but we also disagree on a lot of things as well.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: So a lot of agreeing and a lot of disagreeing in general.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not just trying to make like a little, you know, spiral that people have out there, where you just kind of have people around where you just agree with everything.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: No, no, I want varying opinions.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: The thought process is that's what's counting for that.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: So that's my opinion on that.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Hopefully that stays the same throughout the year, periodically.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: But in between all that, you will be hearing from me by myself, as I rattle and ramble and just talk about what stuff I'd like to talk about.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Hopefully somebody learned something from this and they go out and try it or they look into it more.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: If I can help one person with their struggles in life, then I feel like I've done something.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It's not really a life goal or anything.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: For the most part I just think this is fun.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's why I like podcasting.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I'm hopefully turning more people into podcasters, even though everybody's like, oh, there's a bunch of people with their boom podcast out there.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: It's like there's not enough, there could always be more.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: So hopefully, one of those two things, one of those three things, however many things I mentioned happens and let me know about it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: If you heard in the intro all the socials, you'll hear it again at the end a little special intro outro that I recorded just so I don't have to keep repeating myself.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah, hit me up on one of those things, dm me, email me all that stuff.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Like your opinions and questions.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely your questions.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: We're here for advice.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: This is what we're doing.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Also, hopefully we'll stretch out a little bit.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: It'll be covering all relationships with, like a kinky twist on there.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: That's something I would like to do.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: It just doesn't have to be kink or queer specific, but this is where I'm at, and also my guests.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: We have experiences in those lifestyles and we want to share it with you.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's not enough representation out there in the world and people need to hear about it because they just don't know what it is and they're not necessarily going to look it up themselves.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: But here at Around the Kinky Campfire, we'll give you a taste and hopefully that will inspire you to look into it more.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: On the Kinky Campfire, we'll give you a taste and hopefully that will inspire you to look into it more.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: But for now, as I continue rambling, I'm going to pause the rambling and then start it in a little bit.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: But first it's the ASMR.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: It's like five seconds, two seconds now, if anybody's counting, but I'm here by myself, so I'll do this by myself.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Right now I have a Deep Eddy Ruby Red.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Right now I have a Deep Eddie Ruby Red.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Of course Deep Eddie, not sponsored vodka soda.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: That is also grapefruit there.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: It is Grapefruit, real grapefruit juice.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: So I've learned recently that if there's nothing that says no sugar in it, there's probably sugar in here, and there probably is sugar in here.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: But we will drink this now, not sponsored Deep Eddie.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: It's actually pretty doggone good.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I enjoy it.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: But let us start the asmr.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Two seconds, here we go three, two, one.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: That was actually almost five seconds.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: There, half of 10 seconds people are doing math, okay.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: So that was the pause from the rambling and now we will begin the rambling again.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: You have been forewarned so forever.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Now, say something, hold your peace or just change to a different podcast, whatever.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: But I'm going to ramble and give my opinion on a specific topic here and that is dating as an ace spectrum and omnisexual and sapial attracted type person.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Now I know you've heard demisexual, you have heard of asexual and probably a lot of people are saying sapiosexual now.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: So that is just one of the six main attraction styles, or whatever you want to call that, and I spoke about this in a previous Pillowfort session and I spoke about this in a previous Pillowfort session.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: But I am demi-attracted and semi-sapio-attracted, not just sexual, because I am on the asexual side of the spectrum for the most part with the sexual stuff.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: But of course there are other attraction styles which I lean highly in and that is the demi-attraction, which is the personality, and the sapio-attraction, which is how you think, not your intelligence level.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: We've already spoken about that.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Now I want to talk about my experience and kind of elaborate more on that.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: In the world Now a lot of people go on this thing called Reddit and they ask questions, the.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: I myself am in, the I can speak words, am in the demisexual, the asexual subreddits those are two separate things and of course, the poly subreddits, the non-monogamy subreddits and the kink reddits, advice which kind of leans towards the non-monogamy and the ace stuff as well, because you know kink, we have all the different kinds of people, also the queer stuff, so dating in those things.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I tell you what the one of the biggest questions is like.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Should I tell the person that I'm talking to that I'm into this or I have partners, multiple partners, and it's like yes to all the questions.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Tell the person you're demisexual or asexual or whatever.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Let them know.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Now there is a timing and I've been playing with this.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: So this is my experience coming out, because this is where you're listening.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: If you don't care about my experience, then why are you listening to Around the Kinky Campfire, the Pillowfort sessions?
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: That doesn't make any sense.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Well, guess what?
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I am an ace-leaning person, a gender-fluid person.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: So queer aspects, aspects, those are.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Those are the ones and of course I have the kink and the non-monogamy in there too.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: So sometimes I go on to the quote-unquote vanilla sites like the uh hinges and the tenders and the bumbles and stuff like that and I feel like I, oh, coffee meets bagel.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Those are just some of the ones, of course not sponsored, but those are just some of the ones I've tested out throughout the years, currently and in the past, and I'll just say I feel like I'm hiding certain things if I don't put that specifically in my profile.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: If y'all don't know, hinge is one of them, but they do.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Prompts, there's no about me section.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: You kind of just answer a question.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: If an interwesting way of answering that question, what's?
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: up folks.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: That's my Bugs Bunny or the voiceover people.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: As Bugs would say, that was an interwesting question that people can ask on there.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: So if you're one of those people that I don't know, fortunately unfortunately I enjoy the dating apps.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Let's just put that out there.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I enjoy it, but it is a specific language a lot of people aren't taught or don't know that exists.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: There's a certain way you can't just quote-unquote be yourself, which is like the stupidest answer you can give somebody to like what should I do if I go on the dating apps or start dating?
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: No, you can't just be yourself.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: If no, you can't just be yourself If you're a type of person that doesn't wash your ass for a couple days or you just wear I don't know basketball shorts and no shoes half the time.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Don't put those pictures on there.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Use some moisturizer on your face, shampoo your hair.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Just put on some nice, fitting clothes.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if you classify as an obese person or what, but as long as you wear clothes that are fitting for you and your body type, then that actually looks nice.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if you're quote-unquote fat.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, I go through my phases, my fat phases.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I think I'm down a little bit.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I lost 50 pounds over the last two years.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's not the first time.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: I would like to hope that this is the last time I would need to lose that much weight, but definitely not the first time I've done it.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: This is like my third or fourth fat.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Anybody know who's Robert Kelly, a comedian.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: He has a joke or bit that he's talking about the different fats.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: And for the bigger people that know about gaining and losing weight, you're going through multiple phases where you're plus or minus 50 pounds or so, or however many, and that comes and goes.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: So if you guys know anything about that, my heart goes out to you, you poor sons of guns.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately it sucks and yeah, right now I'm on my post-fat phase, like number three or four or something like that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I lost count.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Whatever the point is, wear fitting clothes.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Even your body type is not the normal.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: It's bigger than average.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Whatever you want, whatever average means to you, look like you care about yourself.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: There's a way to take pictures depending on your gender, presentation or representation or identity, and you have to quote unquote.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Follow those rules.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: It's interesting.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I can go into more detail, but I'm not going to.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's more of an advice thing.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: You can come for coaching and stuff like that if you need help for your your uh online dating profile.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: This, yeah, I learned about the rules quote unquote recently and as somebody that identifies and presents as poc, it's also a different, different presentation there depending on the color and shade of your skin.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: That's another thing too.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, now I gotta add that I had that already from before and now I gotta add all the queer and the non-monogamous stuff on top of that.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, by the way, I am not the quote-unquote black person that you are looking for.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I do not subscribe to those stereotypes.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you, uh, sir ma'am and others, I do not.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I do not subscribe to those things.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And unfortunately, the first thing I mean I'm pretty sure most of us know that are in the dating world or have been that people look at pictures and that's pretty much it.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: They don't really read the profiles.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Hopefully you'll find people that will read profiles and that is one of the BS tests that you can run Put something in your profile and hopefully the person that messaged you will put something in there.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: It's like one of the things if you're trying to actually talk to people, read the profile and then, like in your message, put something in the profile in there so the person knows that you read it, and it's like some apps like hinge don't have much information unless you can elaborate on those questions, but they're just like prompt questions.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: They're not.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: There's no about me section to just kind of spill over and talk to yourself about which campsters is a nother dating app skill.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Being able to write in an about me section and stop putting on your profile I'm not good at writing these things.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, everybody has that.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: It's kind of played out.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: It's like you can look up a couple just Google search something and you can give yourself prompts.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, if you really want to cheat, there's fucking AI now that you can use to write prompts.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: If you have any kind of social media presence, if you just put your name in there even if your name is kind of normal and there's a lot of people that have the same name it'll probably spit out something that's somewhat accurate and you can just tweak that a little bit and put that in your profile.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're not making money, you're not like a journalist or a writer or something, so nobody's checking your work to see if you're plagiarized, whatever.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, put a little personal spin on there and I would argue, hold on.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Ai is getting scarily good at personalizing it and the bios, elevator speeches, pitches you can do like a.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: If you are an entertainment person, you have a headshot and you need a little something.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: You can do one of those for your headshot pictures, copy and paste the AI response and put that in there.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: It's getting really scary, people.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I had to do that for the intro.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: If you heard that the intro and outro, I just slapped that in.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Give me an intro for Around the Kinky Campfire podcast, give me an outro and it spit that out and I'm like, oh snap, it's got puns and everything Fire, puns, what?
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: That was all AI people.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: That wasn't me.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I'm funny, but I'm not that ponderful at wordplay.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it's getting pretty scary.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: So I would suggest, do that for your bio now so you can stop saying that stupid thing.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: Everybody has that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: It's like just try, put some effort.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: This is the thing here.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Whether it's in real life or online, okay, you have to put some effort in.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: If you look like a bum, why would anybody want to come and talk to you Like literally.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: So if you're doing that in real life and you do that on oh, let me just throw a picture up here.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: At least I just meet the criteria of four minimum pictures, depending on whatever app I'm on and you think people are going to be like, oh, I want to one, respond to that person, or even more effort is responding to that person for messaging that person first.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: It's like people are no, no one's gonna like you if you just got some bullcrap on there and you just kind of, oh, half dark picture, we can't see your face, we just see an outline.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: You're not mysterious, motherfucker.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: That's stupid.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: And men people that present as men stop doing the creepy eyes.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: You're not a fucking model.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, julius just recently had to put pansexual because you know most of the time they have that some sites have omnisexual on there, so I put that on there and then get a lot of matches with guys and half of them just kind of wide-eyed staring at the camera.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: It's like you're not cool, like what the fuck.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Why do you look like a serial killer on your app?
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: You're supposed to be trying to attract people.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: You want, you know, a dick in your ass.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: That's not how it's going to work to do that shit.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I, I don't, I'm not, no, I'm not, no, I'm not gonna play with your bits and you looking like a fucking serial killer.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I don't understand this.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: It doesn't make any sense to me.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Now, perusing the the the gay, gayer side of the dating profiles is newer to me, so this was quite eye-opening and it's like, oh, this is starting to make more sense now.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I've had female friends that have told me and also sent me screenshots of the messages they get on the dating apps and on FedLife and it's quite shocking, quite shocking.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: But now I have a little taste of it myself, more so.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I mean, I have been approached by people before, but now, especially now, it's a lot more.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, wow, this is nuts.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: And also, being like an asexual person, it's a lot more.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, wow, this is nuts.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And also, being an asexual person, sex is not my motivation.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: So you better come correct and be presentable.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Don't just have a blank profile and just four pictures and it's like half of them are all darked out.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: And you like my profile?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, I'm not going to do that.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: That's just no.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Why would I do that?
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: That makes no sense.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Um, makes no sense.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we talk about like hinge and the, the, the prompt ones.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: But there, you know, there are like field, where you can put it, uh, about me section in there and it is leaning more towards the queer and the non-monogamous side, which is great, because that's pretty much the only one outside of fet life where you can get that kind of diversity.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: I've gotten a lot of diversity in there.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Boy, boy, let me get some of those couples in there.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not, I'm not a unicorn, but some of those couples have got attractive people and they seem somewhat emotionally intelligent At least that's what they put in the profile.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: Which is also unfortunate about online dating, because you are like a scripted version of yourself, so you're probably not going to be the same way as you are in real life.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: But then everybody has to have that filter on there, like let me check out this online presence and then maybe I want to see their in real life presence, and a lot of times those two things don't match up.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Even like me myself, I have been online uh dating for multiple decades, inside and outside of the uh.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Tab, quote, unquote.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Taboo lifestylesles is what we're all about here and around the Kinky Campfire.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: It kind of yeah, it kind of sucks because I can't, as an overthinker, just put the first thing I'm thinking onto a profile, and sometimes that doesn't make any sense because it's so sporadic, like if you're inside my mind.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: If you guys are hanging on for these Pillowfort sessions, enjoy these.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much because, especially now as I get more opinionated and less just you know, factual notes, reading off somewhat of the script, it's going to be a lot more just all over the place and I appreciate y'all for sticking around, but I should say and there's no but, and it is difficult to online date as the person that overthinks and has a bunch of random thoughts.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Neuro divergence is a thing, people.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: That is a huge umbrella term that covers a lot of different areas.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: We'll go with that.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Not a doctor, so we're not going to use any specific big words.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it kind of sucks.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Oh man, okay.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: So the about me section is yeah, you gotta put the somewhat of a it's like you only have so many characters to however many decades you've been on this planet.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Sum all of that up as your dating quote-unquote self and then hopefully somebody will find that interesting and message you back or message you first and it's like, yeah, okay let me do that.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: So if you talk to any of the smart people and the doctors and whoever the therapist that know anything about online dating, it's like you are set up to fail.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: First of all, these app people, assholes talk about oh yeah, let, yeah, I want to make an app that everybody can connect and hopefully you can delete it because you will find your person.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: And it's like no, y'all motherfuckers want money.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, bumble is the only one I've seen so far that just comes out and be like here's a lifetime membership, which is crazy that not all the apps especially field because they have a lot of non-monogamous people.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: It's like us and non-monogamy.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: We're going to have this app for a long time.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Just give us a lifetime membership and it's already like one fit, like one 50.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: And that's, you know, over over half.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I can math it.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: It's over half of the lifetime.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: So it's like just pay the quarter of a grand but still pay the the lifetime membership fee.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: And especially if you're going to have it for a while and assuming Bumble doesn't go out of business, which I mean, it's been here for over a decade, so we would like to assume that there's long-lasting ability that's going to be here for another decade.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I feel like if lifetime is a decade at 250, I feel like I've made my money back.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: But I haven't tried Match or the other ones, because those seem like people trying to get married type stuff, and y'all know I ain't trying to get married here.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: So I stick to more of the Edge apps and then especially like field and stuff, like, specifically, people are trying to find other people to join their relationships.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Let's just say that, of course, if they are non-monogamous, there's a lot of poly people or open people, so that's what field leans heavily towards.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: So that's pretty nice.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, why do you not have a lifetime membership already filled?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Just come on and do it $250.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: I'll pay it because I'll be on that app for a long, long time.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Doesn't make any sense to me.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Doesn't make any sense at all.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: What are y'all doing?
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, just do the lifetime membership already.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: But Momo has jumped on top and that's the only one I've seen.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: That don't make any sense.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I just gave up on a okay Cupid because they got a little bit better with their diversity, but it's like I'm not paying $40.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: It's goddamn $40 a month.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: That doesn't make any sense.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Who's paying that much?
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Do not pay that much for an app because it's like they don't tell you this.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: But a little workaround is yeah, you can't see people who likes you, but also they usually have come up on your feed at one point.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: So if you didn't match with them, then why are you gonna like, like them, unless they're doing some unhanding thing where they, as soon as somebody likes you, they don't show up on your feed anymore.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: So that way you have to pay.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: It's like like no, fuck that shit.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I personally, I'm just not going to pay more than $25 a month for a membership because, yeah, $40 is like what am I paying for?
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Is this person going to automatically go on a date?
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: No, I'm paying for the opportunity to see this person and decide if I want to like them or not and then proceed to have a conversation with this person.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm paying $40 for that.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, it doesn't make any sense.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Ridiculous and okay, hubert, I know for a fact this is one of those apps where you will, the person that likes you will have come up on your feet at some point.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: So if you don't match with them after they like you, then obviously you swiped right on them, left on them, left on them.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: See, I don't even know.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: I've been on the app for so long, I don't even know.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I think it's left.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: You swiped left on them.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: All the apps are all left and I still can't remember dyslexic.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not, but yeah, what's my left?
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Again, anyways, yeah, it doesn't make any sense to pay that much.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing it.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: And the okay cupid reddit is pretty funny because everybody agrees pretty much.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: It's like what are we fucking paying for?
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: It makes no sense whatsoever.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: So, bye-bye OKCupid for a long time, unless you guys decide to drop that in half.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: That doesn't make any sense to me.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: But I will say good for our diversity, because you can put all the different relationship types in there now and also the different gender identities.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: So that's pretty cool that they finally upgraded and I guess they're're gonna make you pay more for that.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck, that shit feel is great, and I think bumble's starting to switch over now.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Speaking of the lifetime memberships hinge oh yeah, hinges started doing more, uh, gender identities and relationship types, which is great.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: You can put non-monogamous in there.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: But the, the prompts and hinge, it's like I just want to.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I don you got to.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: And also even if there isn't about me section or whether it's that or the prompts.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: You got to update those things.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: People update your pictures, update your about me section and update your prompt answers and questions.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, update.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: You got to rotate those things out.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: I know people like to set it and forget it, but this is not a fucking baking recipe.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: This is your dating profile.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: You change, you change, should be changing and you should have that reflect in your profile.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Put that on there.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: It's ridiculous.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, so somebody that's on the a spectrum and non monogamous thing on there, usually you can put that on there.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: And asexual is a thing you can put on your profile now and guess what people.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: That does not mean the people that see your and asexual is a thing you can put on your profile now and guess what people that does not mean the people that see your profile know what the fuck that means and will they look it up?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Hell, fucking no.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: So you might still have to have that conversation and I am one of those people and I know I have social skill issues and we've been talking about this.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I know the campsters know, but you're still gonna have to have that conversation with people they're not gonna know and they're not gonna ask.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: So you have to be blunt and upfront with people like hey, I have this on my profile.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Do you know what this means exactly?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm asexual, but I'm sex positive.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: Thank you for asking.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: And guess what that means?
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: You don't know.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: We'll get, I'll tell you here.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: That means you don't know, I'll tell you here.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: It means that I will have sex with you if we have a connection, whatever that means to the both of us.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: To me that means, emotionally and personality-wise, we have that connection and then I'll sleep with you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: But that means you'll be the one initiating 99% of the time.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell you no, but I will gladly accept it if we had that condition or connection condition, if we had that condition.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: That's what that means.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, are we agreed?
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, no, maybe whatever, or goodbye, or let's keep planning something.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're going to have to tell those people.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Same thing with demisexuals, same thing with polyamorous people.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: If you have multiple partners, or husband, wife, whatever you're going to have to tell those people.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is what's going on, because I am not a fan and this is me, julius talking I am not a fan of hiding that stuff from people until you're ready to sleep with them, or maybe even after I've seen that horrible story multiple times.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: You're going to tell the person after you've slept with them.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Nobody's having this conversation.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: What are we doing here?
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: Like, as I said before, negotiate everything.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: You can't be up and running on it with that person.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Are you sure an open relationship or your friends with benefits is good for you?
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: I just ain't about that.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: So if you asked that question already, you asked me that question it's fucking.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Tell the people.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: You don't have to give them all details.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: But like, hey, I you know, I don't subscribe to monogamy, I'm not monogamous.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: You don't have to go too far unless they want to know.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, you should still test.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Test them, tell them, because testing that was a Freudian slip, because testing is a thing too.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: We were talking about STD and STIs right there.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: That information should be told.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: And yet again, I still see that question on the Reddits as well.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Should I tell my that I have an STD?
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you should probably put that in your profile.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Hpv, hep, whatever all the letters, definitely HIV.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I saw that question.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Your profile HPV, whatever all the letters, definitely HIV.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I saw that question on there.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you should fucking tell people, put that on your profile.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: It's like why are we asking this question?
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: That should not be a question.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Tell people about that shit.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: That is what the fuck.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: And then, alright, alright.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I got another pet peeve here.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: I understand we are animals as people.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: We are animals deep down at the base.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: But good lord, almighty, people putting them fucking condoms on.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know about dental dams.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know about condoms for oral sex.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, some people I've seen that too take it all the way there.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like, not a lot of diseases.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Unless you're doing p and v or p and a, then it doesn't transmit as much, even if you're talking about like hiv and stuff like that.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Um, do your research for specifics.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, you should be man.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: If you don't know what I'm talking about, do your goddamn research.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Someone it's transmitted diseases, good lord almighty, and people will do the no condom thing with new problems.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: That's a conversation you should be having with your partner.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I am of the type, as long as you get them testing done and those results are negative, so we're to talk about test results Negative, but it's a positive, positively negative, negatively positive, I don't even know.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: As long as they say negative, then have fun, be safe out there, otherwise physically safe, I should say, and we're all good.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: But people doing that without testing, Like what the?
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: fuck Are people not wanting to test.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: No, have your most recent test results.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I have mine.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: You can print them out.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Like what are we doing nowadays?
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: This is 2025.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Like what the fuck go, get tested.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: You can pay like 150 and get a test done nowadays.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Like, there's ways to do this websites.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: You don't even need a doctor's note.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Just go on the website, pay the fee and then they'll send you the test and keep your results for you.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: What craziness now.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Craziness now.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: But listen, we're non-judgmental here.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: This is my personal opinion.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: You do what you want to do, but I am not randomly having no, um, no condom sex without people.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: This is why I am demi-attracted, because I get oxytocin from sex.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: I do not really get the dopamine the first night.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Fucking ain't really for me.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: That don't do it.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: I need to have a connection with a partner and, ooh man, we can make love.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I am practicing lovemaking or lovemaking One or the others.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: I ain't just fucking making love and I need to cuddle afterwards.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Foreplay before and cuddle afterwards.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm a big fan of.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, oh.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Speaking of which, there are people that can do that kind of stuff and I date those people as well, those people that can do the emotionless sex and the one-night stands and friends with benefits the real way.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know what that meant, but friends with benefits and it's like, yeah, it's good as somebody that doesn't initiate it, it's just easier.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I'll just say it I'm getting lazy, I guess in my old age oh, my God, my birthday's coming up.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Getting lazy in my old age I like to be initiated upon.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: It's great, it's amazing.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I am one of those ace people that prefers aloe likes to date aloe people.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I know, yeah, once again, the Reddits, the demisexuals and stuff is like how can people do that?
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: But just have a conversation, I don't know, maybe I'm privileged to say I'll just say privileged in that way that I'm saying it and the people I date have no problem having a connection first, having a nice, deep, boring conversation.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: That's how you get to old Julius here.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: It's fantastic and that might be because I am in the kinky and the queer spaces.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: People have those conversations and they do the work to figure out what actually attracts them to a partner.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: So I could be privileged in that way.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: It's been known now that non-monogamous people especially have more conversation.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to say better, I mean to me it's better.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: No, and I am going to say it's better because this is my podcast.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: So better conversation.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Because you ask these questions, you talk about these things like what positions you know?
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Can you fucking let me know for sure what is your favorite fucking position, that kind of thing.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: And then let me know why?
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: why is that Okay?
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Are you a morning or a night person?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I have those questions and conversations with people.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I'm not a morning fucker, that's just.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: It's very rare for me.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to say no, but it's going.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: You might have to do a little bit of extra work in the morning.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely one of those nighttime people, so have those kind of conversations with the people.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: What are your turn-ons and turn-offs?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: What's your preferred dirty talk?
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Can you dirty talk in sexual texting or sexting, as the kids say?
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Doesn't really work for me.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: But in person, yeah, we can do all the kind of dirty talk you like.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Some people just don't even like talking period.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, have those kind of conversations with people.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm gonna talk about this more as I start to wrap up this episode because I've run out of time almost, but yeah, I can keep talking about it.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to talk to tell you all about my experiences dating and I could definitely break down all the different types of dating.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: If you want more advice with dating or possibly coaching, you'll get another outro here in a few minutes and it'll have ways to contact me, julius.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: And if you want me to pass along questions to any of my previous hosts, I can do that and I don't know if they'll be on to answer the questions, but I can tell you what they said.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: How about that?
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: So, if you want differing opinions and advice on the dating world.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Let me know and this is definitely part one of this I have so much more to talk about in this particular case of all these different things, because, oh man, I have lots of experience.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I was online dating back in high school.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: This was no apps, there was no smartphones back then.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: It was all online Good old site called Adult Friend Finder, and if you're one of those campsters that had experience with Adult Friend Finder, let me know how that went.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I was mostly unsuccessful, but there is one particular person that I found on there and I was like, oh, you're not supposed to be on here either so that was an interesting uh story.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, experience.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: We could talk about that later.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: This is a little teaser for y'all, but if you want to know more, go ahead and keep checking out the podcast.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: And this is the cuddle gigolo, the lc, the l senior, l senior taco knuckle, colonel mcbee, fresno, bob or hh julius, or just julius if you're less fancy this is the pillow fort sessions of around the kinky campfire.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Hello, that's a wrap for this episode of the around the kinky Campfire podcast.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: We love having you by the fire and we'd love to hear from you Got a kinky question, a steamy story or a topic you want us to cover, slide into our DMs and send us a message at aroundthekinkycampfire campfire with a K at yahoocom.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review wherever you're listening.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Follow us on Twitter Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Youtube Around the Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Or Instagram Campfire Kingsters Campfire with a K To stay in the loop, join the community and keep the kink alive between episodes on Thursdays Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and keep that fire burning.