Latest / Energy is Currency Podcast / The Hidden Cost of Overachievement: Rest as Resistance
Transcript
- Alexis: What's up, y'all? This is Energy is Currency, and I am your favorite entrepreneur, overworker, over everything. I'm over America. That's who I am. And I am with my favorite co-host today. So I've done a lot of interviews. She is one of my favorite people to talk to. Gigi is back for more conversation. Gigi, how are you? gigi: Hey guys, I'm good. I can't believe it's Monday. I feel like I needed an extra day this weekend. Alexis: And do are we gonna get that or is it like gigi: No, I should have called off. But no. Alexis: Okay. But I feel like I call off every day or I wanna call off every day. gigi: Every day. Let's just grab working. Alexis: Is that a is that what this episode is gonna be about? 'Cause I'm gigi: We could actually start a GoFundMe. So if y'all fund us, I'll quit. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Alexis: Yes, then I can stay home. I will quit my job right now if you give me some money. Okay, great. Alrighty, so that's gonna be in the link on our Spotify page for you all. Thank you for your contributions and your support. Thank you. gigi: Right. And that's it. That's about it now. Look, my cash map, my Venmo. Alexis: So look, this podcast is teaching you how to mind your business personally and professionally. And I have a topic that I'm pretty sensitive to because I am outstanding and possibly high functioning autistic, amongst the other hosts of shouldn't I be. Cohesive, but somehow are cohesive personality traits. I feel like overachieving is a natural thing to me. Gigi, how do you feel about overachieving? gigi: I feel like in certain areas I have to push to actually want to overachieve. ⁓ if if if I don't care too much on the topic, I'm gonna do exactly what I need to do to get the results. But if I care, I'm gonna go above and beyond. Alexis: Keyword is care. Keyword is care. So the first question of the day is, do I care? And sometimes the answer is no. But I feel like there is a large group of people, especially my black sisters, where we are like I hate the expression Jamaicans where you got all the jobs or gigi: Right. Alexis: Right, like girl, when do you sleep or when do you do this or when do you do that? Because you have so much on your plate. So I want to spend some time with overachievers because the biggest issue about all the amazing things that you can do is nobody is paying attention to any of it. ⁓ gigi: Right. Why do you continue to do it? Is it just natural? Is it innate to you? It's just natural. Alexis: No, it's subconscious programming with a with a a sprinkle, a parsley sprinkle of trauma. Like overachieving comes from the subconscious belief that your worth and your value and your success is tied to your performance and your achievements. So the more you perform, you're constantly believing that someone is evaluating you. Yeah. gigi: Okay. Okay. So you're constantly being evaluated. Okay. But in reality they're not. Okay. Alexis: Now I can't guarantee that somebody is, right? Because you like you said, we can be overachievers in different areas. So what does the metric actually look like? It usually is measured by burnout or rest, right? gigi: Sounds like burnout for one hundred. Alexis: Right. So I know some overachievers who wear burnout and and exhaustion as badges, right? Because they've accomplished so much with their time and with their energy and they have all of the degrees and they have all of the experiences and the fellowships and all of the doing, but gigi: ⁓ Alexis: But they still get overlooked. So let me tell you about an expression that if I hear somebody say this to me, I'm going to become irate, to put it very madly, right? The expression the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Have you ever heard that? I hate that expression. I hate that expression because what that says is the person who is underachieving is the one who's going to be nurtured and taken care of. gigi: Yes, I have. It's very common. the most Yeah, the one who's making the most noise. Alexis: The one who's making the most noise, the one who's providing the most dysfunction, the one who is interrupting the flow. If this is a a shopping cart, that one little buggy that that do the sparks that rolled to the west when you're trying to go north and all this and that and the third, that's the squeaky wheel. And what do we do? We'll either put the cart back or we'll start to adjust the cart to make it function or we'll adjust how we push the cart so that it'll just, you know, we're putting more force in it than we need to. But what about the other three wheels? Okay, the front wheel gigi: So what ⁓ What's the way that somebody who's overachieving can actually identify that they actually are overachieving? Unnecessarily. Alexis: Like I said, I would say the metric would be burnout versus rest. Especially gigi: Okay. ⁓ so if they choose burnout as opposed to resting time. Okay. Alexis: Yep. So the people who are like who don't who don't schedule in downtime. The people who are the first to the scene for any type of problems. The people who are going back to back to back to back to back to school and trying to work and trying to raise kids and trying to do collaric climbs and trying to travel every month and trying to work out every day and trying to and trying to and trying to gigi: All the things. All the things, but take a nap. Alexis: In China, in China, where it's like, girl, which one are you successful at? But you're trying everything, which is amazing. But are you able to evenly split some of that energy up so that you can really be present, right? And sometimes like I'm I have friends who I have friends that use education as a way to avoid famine. gigi: Mm. Yeah. People do that with work. They will pick up extra shifts around the holiday to to say I can't make it 'cause I gotta work. Sorry. And you're like you work at Pennsmart. Alexis: People do that with work. Christmas is triple pay. Sorry, but you know, and it's like Don't you work at the the weekends only? Why are you working on Tuesday? So but it's and this and my thing is this, let me be very clear. This n is not a confrontational call out for people who are who consider themselves overachievers. It's actually a confrontation call out for the people who aren't carrying their weight. So see me in the parking lot. I have pepper spray. But gigi: Exactly. Alexis: What I do want people to be able to do is identify if I'm doing too much or if I'm not. Right. gigi: Okay. Was was one way. Alexis: Not asking for help. gigi: Okay. Is is that on the side? Alexis: Definitely. If you are a person that if you're the person with 47 groceries and there's three people in the house and you're not asking any of those three people to use their two hands, yeah. You do it too much. Or okay, I'll even say this in the career environment. The person who is the over, I'll say the person who is the overachiever is the person who is in early, out late. gigi: Help you? Okay. Yeah. Alexis: Picks up slack, overcompensates for all the co-workers. ⁓ when nobody asks them to create projects for themselves and nobody asks them to work themselves into a tizzy for all of the things that they've brought onto I can handle it, I can handle it, I can do this, I can I'll give it to me. I'll make I'll take care of it, I'll take care of it. Anybody I'll say this anybody who adamantly watched scandal or how to get away with murder. gigi: When nobody asked them to No one assigned it to them. Yeah. Now listen listen listen listen good cinema is good cinema. Alexis: ⁓ is that a hit dog hollering? And friends, this is what you call a hit dog hollering. That was you, friend. I wasn't calling you out. gigi: I thought we wasn't doing though. 'Cause Olivia Pope and something Ann Keaton, they were great. Annalise. Yeah, Annalise. Alexis: Annalise. Annalise. Anna May, honey. Anna May when she was back home in Mississippi. That was anime. Anywho, but again, those were classic women with overachieving issues to the point where they ran down their lives. Okay, we can just spend a little few minutes on how to get away with murder. Do y'all do y'all not remember she was losing her job because she was doing too much? gigi: Listen, would she cut that wig off? Right. Alexis: Do y'all not remember that she wasn't the murderer at all in any of the stories, but she spent five or six seasons covering for other people? Yes. So let me wrap how to get away with murder up in ⁓ a scene and a half. Somebody gets killed, Annalise calls the police. The police handle it the end. gigi: If you haven't seen it. Alexis: Right? Roll the credit. Still give her her Oscars and her enemies, give her her awards, give her her things. But no, you didn't have to go through and manage all of those things. If you're the if everybody is depending on you, you might be overachieving. If nobody can do this but you, you might be overachieving. gigi: Roll the credit. All of those Okay. So that's three right there. Alexis: If yeah, that's three. And and I'm sure we can if the pe as the listeners are are checking this out, I'm sure there's plenty other instances that they can come up with. I would even throw in ⁓ some older siblings, okay. Them the first children, yeah. You end up you're forced to overachieve because one most most first kids aren't prepared by their parents. It's everybody is New at the rodeo with the first kids, right? But let there be a second or a third kid. Now you are the third parent. That that job doesn't go away. Or the example. Or or the support system, financially, emotionally, physically. Let's say you're the responsible sibling, but you have a very fertile sibling, right? gigi: They're the first they're first, yeah. Or you're the you're the example. Alexis: How many aunties do we have not willing to have kids because they've already raised some? gigi: raise kids or they've raised their brothers and sisters. Alexis: Or their siblings, right? But the issue is in those environments are the rewards there. Where's the pay? Where's the compensation? Do we get to claim these kids on taxes? Sometimes they can. If you can if it's enough kids to go around that you should be able to, right? But let's say it's only two, it's three parents. You you're getting the short end of it. But ⁓ am I in the spirit of minding your business? gigi: Where's the compensation? Yeah. You're not mm mm. Alexis: Personally and professionally, how can we be of more support to the overachievers? gigi: Will they even take support? Alexis: With a threat of violence, probably. gigi: That's the way you have to to show it to them with a threat of violence. Right. Alexis: Get your ass in here. Yeah. There's definitely a sit your ass down. I'm gonna do it involved. Yeah, for sure. ⁓ Authority, masculinity, or something. I don't know. Because there's a level of hyper independence there, thinking that you're the only person that can manage this task or manage this lifestyle or manage these achievements. So you definitely deserve a strong support system for sure. gigi: A level of authority. Okay. Alexis: If you have been to the Work Life Presence workshop. gigi: ⁓ love that workshop. Alexis: Yeah. Top tier, stellar, all the things. Yeah. But one of the things we talked about is time blocking. Really setting aside time that includes downtime, that includes hobbies, that includes rest, that includes proactive measures and you know, and some reactive measures, you know, but creating a lifestyle where you're not overwhelmed and you're not always giving away your time. ⁓ gigi: Yeah. ⁓ one thing I like that you did, ⁓ I don't know if it ties in, but you said you grabbed you an ac accountability partner. So someone to hold you accountable. Alexis: I will say this. I have definitely made a habit of having an accountability partner. One, so that I have somebody to work with and I can do stuff together, right? But also because it allows me to one, I have somebody I have to answer to. So I have to complete the task. But also we can talk about ideas on how to do it better. It isn't just on you to find a solution or to create the ⁓ to create the experience. You know what I mean? gigi: So what is a tip for an overachiever who lets their guard down and lets someone help them and that person doesn't do it exactly the way that the overachiever would? In this space, what what do you tell that overachieving person? Alexis: So so pepper spray is not the right answer, right? gigi: That's like C. What what's A and B? Look, we we can do D is ⁓ all of them. Alexis: Okay. Let me start over. ⁓ one breathe. ⁓ gigi: Okay. Alexis: Breathe. gigi: Is that A and B? That's A and B brief? ⁓ okay, okay. Alexis: Hmm. No, that's still we still don't a it's coming towards but two i mean there's a level of like realistic expectations either you're gonna be like really really clear with the expectations and it's like they didn't meet them or whatever but it's like if you're if you're heavy about control then there's it's gonna be hard for you not to be an overachiever. So there's a certain level of control you have to release to other people to do things. Unless it's a measurable experience, right? If you have to put two cups of flour, put in four cups of flour is is not helpful, right? But if there's like gigi: Yeah. I don't know. You gotta you gotta season with love. I don't know. Alexis: Gigi, no. No, Gigi. But you know, or but if it's like a qualitative experience, like I don't know. I f the first thing that came to my mind was like folding clothes or like ⁓ gigi: Ooh, there's a certain way that I fold my towels. Like if you don't fold them that way, don't touch my towel. And I'm not even an overed tutor. Alexis: I don't know that's a hard one. Because people are entitled to their preferences, but you have to be realistic that people aren't going to meet your preferences perfectly. gigi: So should overachievers let go of unrealistic expectations? Alexis: Possibly. I think that is a a large component of being an overachiever in the first place is having unrealistic expectations. Thinking that whether you've been programmed by your family, you gotta do this, or you've programmed yourself, I have to achieve this, or no one can do this but me. You definitely that at some point that becomes unrealistic. That's just the truth of the matter. It doesn't matter what you're working towards, whether it's a day-to-day activity or not. At some point you have to realize like certain behaviors are unsustainable. gigi: Okay. Alexis: Right. Certain certain behaviors are not duplicatable. You know what I mean? Like I can't do it exactly how you do it. Right? Yeah. So to your point, absolutely you have to adjust your expectations. And I think that is what eases the energy up off of a higher of of ⁓ hold on. I believe that is the thing that eases up the energy of an overachiever is reducing your expectations. gigi: Like you do it. Right. Okay. So A is a breed. Alexis: Yes. gigi: B is have realistic expectations. Alexis: C is still pepper spray. What's it? gigi: Yes. ⁓ I thought that was meet me in the parking lot. That's that's still C. That's still C. Okay. And then D is D is all the above. Alexis: You know what I'm talking about? Yes. So I find fun when I'm asking for help and I'm delegating responsibility. I definitely use a standard operating procedure. For sure. For sure. I try to write out the experience as best as possible so they're not trying to fill in the gaps for me. I try to articulate what I'm looking for, right? And then I always gigi: Okay. Those are Alexis: One of my favorite phrases is surprise me. Especially if it's like a creative opportunity or like editing or someone has a vision for something or it's a task that I'm completely outsourcing, I'll ask them to surprise me. That creates an environment where we're looking forward to something and we have a positive energy about it. gigi: And that gives them freedom to be creative. Alexis: It gives them freedom to cre be creative and they're excited to to surprise, you know, like okay, this is y'all. Okay, this is my time. So okay, tag. So I I think that's one of my favorite phrases. Just surprise me. Everything, I don't have to be in the know about everything. And most of the time I don't know what's going on. gigi: I'm about to show out, right? This is what I've been asking for, right. Put me in the game, coach. Alexis: So I was gonna be surprised anyway. But I feel at least we're on the same page that way. You know, like they know I'm surprised, they know the needs are surprised. It was gonna happen anyway. But definitely and even setting your own expectations of what you can produce. Like you literally cannot be productive for twenty-four hours without a cocaine addiction. gigi: We'll surprise each other. Heavy on the cocaine. Alexis: Okay, there was no comma there. There is a straight sentence. gigi: Listen. Period. Hard stop. Alexis: Like you have to replenish yourself. You cannot work every single day. You cannot work every single day back to back to back to back. You know? Like you have to give yourself time to replenish if your expectations are gonna be that rigid. gigi: Yeah. So for overachievers, why does rest feel like punishment to them? Alexis: Programming. So I'm gonna tell you, when I started my first job ⁓ at the St. Louis Bread Company, because that's what it's called. I'm from St. Louis. And so I was working at the Panera Bread and like within the first week, one of the managers came in. I was just kind of standing up against the wall. I didn't know what to do next. And he said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. gigi: Okay. No. Alexis: And that shaped my narrative. Like it really reshaped my narrative. I started whenever I'm in a work environment or ⁓ I believe what productivity is, I wanna fill all of those minutes with productivity. gigi: Yeah. Some Okay. Alexis: What are your thoughts? gigi: ⁓ that sounds like somebody's grandma. He d he definitely got that from somebody's grandma. Alexis: Absolut, I mean, if we're gonna be real about it, this always this if especially for black people, this is absolutely tied to the generational trauma of slavery. If we if you if you wanna right, or you will be whipped or you will be killed, right? And so we've been groomed and programmed to believe that rest is a luxury or a reward. Think about hustle coastal, hustle culture where we say I'm asleep when I die. gigi: Yeah. You have to be doing something. There's no rest, relaxation. Right. Right. Mm, Jeezy. Alexis: Right? And Jeezy Jeezy could use the rest, especially after the divorce and now you're a single parent. You should have took a nap. Shoulda took a nap, snowman. gigi: Well now he's in Vegas. Alexis: Not resting, a city that never sleeps. He ain't gonna learn. He ain't gonna learn. gigi: Now he in Vegas doing his Yeah. Yes. Alexis: His opera trap music, operatic trap music. We aren't evolving as a species anymore. I don't know I don't know what word to put on this, but evolution seems ⁓ inappropriate. gigi: It seems out of reach. Google, what is the opposite of evolution? What Gemini, somebody. Alexis: Decay Decay, okay. But no, we've been programmed that our worth and our success is tied to our productivity. So if we're not being productive, our is our worth varying based on our productivity. If I'm not doing something, am I worth anything? gigi: Yeah. Alexis: I don't believe that shit. But somebody might. And if they do, I want you to know when you're asleep, when you're awake, you are valuable, you are worthy, you are successful. You can accomplish everything with rest. I will say that. gigi: You need rest. You can accomplish it better. Once you're rest rejuvenated, restored, yeah. Alexis: Yeah. But we but you know what? The body with that type of behavior, right? That type of mindset, programming, constant repetitive behavior, the body starts to rely on the productivity and it starts to reject the rest. gigi: Mm-hmm. So even when you try to rest you can't. Alexis: There are so people. You know what's funny? I'm noticing this generation of retired people. They the most busy old people I never seen in my life. Girl, here, there, everywhere. A plane, a club, a party, a concert, like planes, trains, and automobiles, right? But they were one of the main ones that was like, I'm finna work. I'm finna work, work, work, work, work. gigi: Girl, they'd be on a plane. They'd be catching fight. Casinos. Point it. All right. Mm-hmm. Alexis: I'm working on weekend, I'm gonna sleep when I did. I feel I'm terrified for us millennials if we get to retire. Because how will our bodies adjust to to having hopefully there's finances where we won't have to work, but how will our our bodies and our lives adjust to our finances not being tied to an exchange of time for money? gigi: So freedom? Right. So all that freedom. What what do you do to occupy that space? And and nothing nothingness is actually doing something. Like if if you don't want to do anything, you don't have Alexis: Out of business. Girl, let me tell you, I know some empty nesters. They just got all of their kids to graduate from high school and they did really, really good. Kids' education is paid off and everything, right? They're barely in their forties. No, I'm lying. They in their mid forties. Guess what they decided to do now that they're empty nesters? gigi: Travel. Alexis: Start a catering business. gigi: Okay. Alexis: ⁓ And let me be very clear. This is one of the dopest catering businesses I have ever seen in my life. Like they are more prepared. They need to be catering Obama events only. Like that's how dope they are. It should be. We'll see. They may they may launch a franchise corporation by the end of the year. Their program. But and and I love it. gigi: So that that that's their new focus. That's their new f focal point. They got gold, okay? Alexis: for them, but I was like, y'all know I'm gonna take like a year off just to just to, you know, having the emptiness. We booked out every Saturday for the next two years. And I'm like, okay. But some people are that way. I felt like when I experienced my burnout in 2020, gigi: They're like, no, we ready. We've been planning. Right. Listen. Alexis: through like twenty twenty four with all the pandemic and all that stuff, there was like a few years where I'm like, I need to do nothing. Whatever I wanna do next, I need to do less now so that I'm prepared for that. gigi: Mm-hmm. like twenty twenty we were all pretty much doing nothing. We were f we were forced. Forced. Alexis: Well, some of us baby folks was scamming, okay? People were busy, okay? People were full-time scamming in Atlanta. They were trapping from their phone. So but no, just I remember there were years where I was like, I don't need to do anything. I don't want to travel. I'm not starting any new project. gigi: from the luxury of their home on their computers. Yeah. Yeah. Alexis: I think I had a year like that last year. I'm not starting any new projects. I'm not launching nothing. I don't want to force a bunch of trips. Every trip I'm not saying yes to. I'm only saying yes to the ones that count. Like it is hard to program your body to do less. Yeah. gigi: To relax and do less, yeah. And then you hop back into this year where you rejuvenated. You were? Okay. So it was beneficial to give yourself that time. Alexis: Yeah. Absolutely. I was able to kind of develop new interests and just enjoy myself as a person and not as an entrepreneur, not just as a an educator, not as a this, as a that, but just as a person. Let's just chill for a few minutes and do something different, you know? And that was important. So I don't know, I don't know how to convince an overachiever to do less. Without there being a medical emergency or like a global pandemic. I don't. gigi: Wait, I think there's gotta be some hope. There's gotta be some hope for the people. Alexis: Now will those keep there's no middle ground. Okay. Let's find a middle ground. But I do. I hope that people come into the a space in their lives where they feel gigi: Yeah, it's gotta be some hope for the people, like Alexis: Balanced and refreshed and that feels like success too. Yeah. gigi: Right. In addition to or that takes over, that becomes a new success. Alexis: Yeah, I think so. I think so. Hmm. gigi: ⁓ my god. I like that. So overachievers, let the weight go, allow someone else to help. When they do help, breathe. What? Alexis: I don't know. Say no, say no. Green, say no. I keep telling people to say no, like you can't you can't do everything all the time. Say no sometimes, say no sometimes. I know my extroverted self makes plans for my introverted self, and introverted self cancels them. You gotta say no sometimes, okay? Even happy. gigi: You can't. You think you can, but you can't. Introverts that will be like, ⁓ no. Right, what? Mm. Alexis: Yeah, no. Mm-mm. So check this out. Listen to this episode. ⁓ and every episode of Energy is currency, y'all. We are doing good. We are on Pandora now. ⁓ Spotify, Apple. We on Pandora. And High Heart Radio. We're popping on the YouTube. We're on Apple Podcasts on the Spotify. We are everywhere you podcast. Every single where all the wares we are there in. gigi: Bro, Pandora? Yee look at us Alexis: Teaching you how to mind your business personally and professionally. And if you need more support for your career development, your business development, visit btacareers.com. That's where you're gonna get in touch with Gigi. That's where you get in touch with myself. And literally, we teach you how to mind your business, how to grow your business and your career. And personally. So until next time, good people, don't overachieve. Sometimes the bare minimum. gigi: Personally. Alexis: is more than enough. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. We'll see you next time, y'all. gigi: Love that.