Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The Darkside of Drinking & Our Reason for Being 100% Sober… YIKES! 🍹

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The Darkside of Drinking & Our Reason for Being 100% Sober… YIKES! 🍹 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:31
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises. Today. We're talking
0:35
Speaker 1: about being sober. It's a little bit of a controversial
0:38
Speaker 1: topic and I'm sure we may ruffle a few feathers,
0:41
Speaker 1: but come in with an open mind. Hear our perspective
0:44
Speaker 1: and our reasoning why. And we're not coming on here
0:46
Speaker 1: to say never drink alcohol again. We are surrounded by
0:50
Speaker 1: people that love to have a drink, some more than others.
0:52
Speaker 1: Most of my friends love to have a drink though
0:54
Speaker 1: or have previous in the past, and there's no judgment
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Speaker 1: on that. There's just reasons why we don't value it
0:59
Speaker 1: and why it hasn't served us and why we are
1:01
Speaker 1: now fully sober. I actually had a sip of a
1:04
Speaker 1: cocktail last night. It was disgusting, did you It was
1:07
Speaker 1: purely out of a reaction because Sarah was like, oh
1:09
Speaker 1: my god, it's so funny when actually like drinks our cogs.
1:11
Speaker 1: My face is just like, it's easy for me not
1:13
Speaker 1: to drink, so I don't even like the taste of it.
1:15
Speaker 1: It was some like cherry one ooh it.
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Speaker 2: Was so bad.
1:18
Speaker 1: But otherwise, yeah, we don't drink. So it's an interesting conversation.
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Speaker 1: But before we get into it. Share of the Week,
1:23
Speaker 1: t want me to go first and see you go first. Okay,
1:26
Speaker 1: this is something Steve sent me on Facebook. You saw
1:28
Speaker 1: a post. I can't quote who wrote it, but it
1:30
Speaker 1: was so cool I'm gonna read it out. You're holding
1:32
Speaker 1: a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps
1:34
Speaker 1: into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your
1:37
Speaker 1: coffee everywhere. Why did you smell the coffee? Well, because
1:40
Speaker 1: someone bummed into me. Wrong answer. You spilled the coffee
1:43
Speaker 1: because there was coffee in your cup. Had there be
1:46
Speaker 1: tea in your cup, you would have spilled tea. Whatever
1:49
Speaker 1: is inside the cup is what will spill out. Therefore,
1:52
Speaker 1: when life comes along and shakes you, which it will happen,
1:56
Speaker 1: whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to
1:59
Speaker 1: fake it until you get rattled, So we have to
2:01
Speaker 1: ask ourselves what's in my cup when life gets tough?
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Speaker 1: What spills over? Is it joy, gratitude, peace and humility?
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Speaker 1: Or is it anger, bitterness, victim mentality and quitting tendencies?
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Speaker 1: Life provides the cup, You choose how you feel it.
2:19
Speaker 1: So today, let's work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy,
2:24
Speaker 1: words of affirmation, resilience, positivity and kindness, gentleness and love
2:29
Speaker 1: for ourselves and others. Isn't that so true when you
2:34
Speaker 1: get rattled, it comes out. Yeah, it's so true of
2:37
Speaker 1: seeing that in ourselves and so many other people. I
2:40
Speaker 1: just love that. When you said that to me, I
2:42
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I think I read it to you
2:43
Speaker 1: on the way to the gym.
2:45
Speaker 2: I beautiful analogy is it gives you like a visual
2:47
Speaker 2: description of what it's like to like to really understand
2:52
Speaker 2: like taking responsibility in a way like it's not because
2:55
Speaker 2: of other people. It's like you are responsible for how
2:57
Speaker 2: you're responding to life almost.
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Speaker 1: And even when you get rattled, like you want your
3:01
Speaker 1: cup to spill out with compassion and love for yourself
3:05
Speaker 1: and what you're going through or for others and what
3:06
Speaker 1: they're going through, Like you don't want to be angry,
3:09
Speaker 1: you don't want to be reseentful, you don't want to
3:11
Speaker 1: be getting revenge, and like spitting venom out. You think
3:14
Speaker 1: it's gonna make you feel better, but it won't. It's
3:16
Speaker 1: not how I want to show up. It's really cool.
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Speaker 2: I love that.
3:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's yours?
3:19
Speaker 2: My share of the week. It's a product is a
3:21
Speaker 2: little bit more random, but I'm gonna butcher the name
3:23
Speaker 2: of X. I always do. But it's this really hydrating,
3:27
Speaker 2: thick moisturizing cream that's from like Flatneries or something. It's
3:30
Speaker 2: like a health food store. I've been using it recently,
3:33
Speaker 2: like day and night, and I kid you not, Like
3:36
Speaker 2: my skin has been so like hydrated and plump and
3:39
Speaker 2: like just been so nice that I haven't even really
3:42
Speaker 2: been wearing makeup through the day, but like a tiny
3:45
Speaker 2: bit of a scar on and maybe a little bit
3:46
Speaker 2: of lipliner and I'm good to go. And normally, like
3:49
Speaker 2: I love makeup, Like I love doing my makeup. I
3:51
Speaker 2: find it's so fun and like such a creative outlet
3:54
Speaker 2: for me. So I'm like I love to do it,
3:55
Speaker 2: but I don't feel like I need to. I think
3:57
Speaker 2: it's Fordella Widella Food for Skin or something food for skin. Yeah, yeah,
4:01
Speaker 2: I always butcher it. But yeah, it's that it's a
4:04
Speaker 2: really really good product and like so like well priced
4:08
Speaker 2: as well. I'm just like I need like twenty of
4:10
Speaker 2: them in my coverage.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
4:11
Speaker 2: Yeah.
4:11
Speaker 1: And it comes in a dark green and a light green.
4:14
Speaker 1: So the dark green is a really thick one and
4:16
Speaker 1: then a light green is like more than every day one.
4:19
Speaker 1: But the thick one I like to use at nighttime.
4:21
Speaker 1: I can't use it thick one in the morning it's
4:23
Speaker 1: too much because I wear foundation. I feel like it
4:26
Speaker 1: makes my skin more shiny. Yeah, but at nighttime it's
4:29
Speaker 1: like a full mask almost, like it's so thick and
4:31
Speaker 1: beautiful and it's all clean, natural ingredients. Yea.
4:34
Speaker 2: I just love it because I get really dry skin,
4:36
Speaker 2: so like someone gets dry skin, I'm like when I
4:38
Speaker 2: have that, I'm like, it absorbs in my skin really well.
4:41
Speaker 2: So all my drug Alley's out here, you'll love it.
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Speaker 1: Yes, And it is really cheap. Yeah yeah.
4:45
Speaker 2: I think it was like thirteen Oh I don't know.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's around that.
4:48
Speaker 2: It's around that like thirteen or fifteen dollars or something.
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Speaker 2: For like a tube like this.
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Speaker 1: It's crazy. Yeah, so cool. Yeah, all right, let's get
4:55
Speaker 1: into it. Let's do it. We're both sober queens.
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Speaker 2: We are, and I'm like talking like one hundred percent sober.
5:00
Speaker 2: Not I drink on a weekend or I drink on
5:03
Speaker 2: a birthday or a special occasion, like a one of
5:06
Speaker 2: a kind of galeah.
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Speaker 1: And I think, apart from my one sip last night
5:11
Speaker 1: just for the lolls, I could not tell you the
5:13
Speaker 1: last time I had a drink, probably before Tala, I think,
5:18
Speaker 1: And the last time I was drunk, I would think
5:20
Speaker 1: I was around maybe twenty six or maybe ten years ago. Yeah,
5:24
Speaker 1: long time ago. Yeah, So tell me about your story
5:28
Speaker 1: with alcohol. I know you went through a little party
5:30
Speaker 1: stage where Tatiana was a bit wild. Did you love it?
5:33
Speaker 1: Did you have a good time? And then what made
5:35
Speaker 1: you stop?
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Speaker 2: I did love it. I always found it so fun.
5:39
Speaker 2: I felt like when I would drink, it was like
5:40
Speaker 2: a different version of me got to be expressed. And
5:43
Speaker 2: this is why I talk about not suppressing parts of
5:45
Speaker 2: yourself the whole other conversation, but a different part of
5:49
Speaker 2: me like came out. It was like a care free
5:51
Speaker 2: version of Tiana Tiana who didn't care about what other
5:53
Speaker 2: people thought. Someone who just was free.
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Speaker 1: In a critic gets silenced through alcohol more substances.
6:00
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and through that party phase, it was also like
6:04
Speaker 2: a I care about what other people thought. And also
6:06
Speaker 2: I was trying to suppress a few things, like if
6:09
Speaker 2: you had guys have listened to the other podcast episode
6:11
Speaker 2: about my sex tape, Like I was suppressing a lot
6:14
Speaker 2: of things and feelings and emotions from that phase that,
6:19
Speaker 2: you know, alcohol became like a clutch for me where
6:22
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, but then I didn't care about
6:24
Speaker 2: what people thought even more of me, and I could
6:26
Speaker 2: do whatever I wanted and I could be free and
6:28
Speaker 2: you know, but it.
6:29
Speaker 1: Got to do a good feeling in the moment.
6:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was like, oh, it was like unleashed,
6:33
Speaker 2: like this just carefree version of myself. You just didn't
6:35
Speaker 2: give a shit, you know. But then it became like
6:38
Speaker 2: unhealthy and I remember just like pushing myself to the limit,
6:42
Speaker 2: you know, partying every weekend and like dabbling in you know,
6:46
Speaker 2: party drugs and you know, drinking all the time, and
6:49
Speaker 2: just wasn't like a healthy version of myself or someone
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Speaker 2: that I was proud of, even I just wouldn't make
6:54
Speaker 2: the best decisions, and I wake up and I feel
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Speaker 2: shameful about it the next day, or you know, just
6:59
Speaker 2: judge myself for it and be like this isn't the
7:01
Speaker 2: person you say that you want to be, you know,
7:03
Speaker 2: but we're doing that, so it's like what are we
7:05
Speaker 2: doing here kind of thing. And I remember even like accidentally,
7:09
Speaker 2: like putting myself in hospital. I accidentally overdid it one
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Speaker 2: night and I dabbled in a few different party drugs
7:16
Speaker 2: and stuff like that. And after a weekend, I realized
7:22
Speaker 2: that I couldn't move my neck. And I couldn't move
7:26
Speaker 2: my neck for like five days. So I laid in bed,
7:28
Speaker 2: told my work that I was sick. I was still
7:31
Speaker 2: working in construction at the time, so I was working
7:32
Speaker 2: for my dad and I was sick, couldn't get out
7:35
Speaker 2: of bed, couldn't move, couldn't sleep, and I cried all night.
7:37
Speaker 2: I went to the doctors on the Friday, and I
7:39
Speaker 2: called my mom and I was like, Mom, like, this
7:41
Speaker 2: is what's happening, bulled my eyes out. She's like, what
7:43
Speaker 2: the fuck? Tiana like you're okay. Anyway, went to the
7:47
Speaker 2: hospital and they told me that my neck was like
7:49
Speaker 2: temporarily paralyzed because whatever I had taken or mixed or whatever,
7:54
Speaker 2: just like silly drugs, did something to like my spine.
7:57
Speaker 2: Whoa yeah, and so I had to get like this
7:59
Speaker 2: needle that was like this long in my spine and anyway,
8:02
Speaker 2: they ended up giving me fluids and stuff, and I
8:03
Speaker 2: was like thankfully, like fine, but it was like up
8:07
Speaker 2: cool that moment. I was just like, You're never doing
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Speaker 2: this again, ever again. And I stopped drinking after that.
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Speaker 1: Wow, that's so cool, Like what a pivotal moment. It's universe.
8:17
Speaker 2: I scared the daylight out of me, Babe. I was
8:19
Speaker 2: terrified because, yeah, I was like something bad could really happen.
8:23
Speaker 2: And I don't know what's in these things that I'm
8:25
Speaker 2: taking and having fun on and also using in a
8:28
Speaker 2: not very productive way, like I'm using to escape my life,
8:31
Speaker 2: you know, to escape myself things that I don't want
8:33
Speaker 2: to feel anymore. And I was just like, you're not
8:35
Speaker 2: this version of yourself, Like this is not who you are,
8:39
Speaker 2: so let's do something about it. And I made a
8:40
Speaker 2: promise to myself and I never looked back. Wow, literally
8:43
Speaker 2: stopped from that, but like obviously I still drank on
8:46
Speaker 2: birthdays and occasions and things like that, but never to
8:49
Speaker 2: the point where I would get drunk again. Yeah, big difference,
8:53
Speaker 2: big difference.
8:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's how we're not on here, Like saying
8:56
Speaker 1: never drinking. I've got friends that have very healthy relationships
8:59
Speaker 1: with alcohol, but there's sometimes when people go so but
9:02
Speaker 1: there's normally like a big pivotal moment or or something
9:05
Speaker 1: that just makes them go at yeah, it's not safe,
9:08
Speaker 1: it's not good, it doesn't serve me. Yeah.
9:12
Speaker 2: That's definitely part of the reason why I stopped. But
9:14
Speaker 2: then also as I grew, I realized, oh, wow, like
9:18
Speaker 2: I can make so much more progress when I'm not
9:20
Speaker 2: drinking every weekend. You know, my fitness goals, my life goals,
9:24
Speaker 2: my business goals, Like I'm on track and I'm not
9:27
Speaker 2: undoing all the work I'm doing on the weekday over
9:29
Speaker 2: two days of the weekend and then having to start
9:31
Speaker 2: fresh on Monday, like having undone all the work that
9:35
Speaker 2: I just did and achieved. And I was like, wow,
9:37
Speaker 2: I can actually make progress with this. And then I
9:40
Speaker 2: started to become really proud of myself and I was
9:42
Speaker 2: like it's cool. It kind of became like this little
9:44
Speaker 2: thing where I was like yeah, I don't drink, and
9:45
Speaker 2: I was like, and I drink, Like it just became
9:47
Speaker 2: fun for me. It was like a game with myself
9:50
Speaker 2: being like, you don't have to do this anymore, Like
9:53
Speaker 2: you can learn to have fun without alcohol.
9:55
Speaker 1: It's cool.
9:56
Speaker 2: And it was such a cool transition. It was hard,
9:59
Speaker 2: but it was cool.
10:00
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Yeah, mine was more different, Like I think
10:03
Speaker 1: mine's more childhood trom growing up was I felt like
10:07
Speaker 1: my parents and just everyone around me drank a lot,
10:09
Speaker 1: even going into my teen years. Like I remember at school,
10:13
Speaker 1: he's even like just my friends just partying so hard
10:17
Speaker 1: and me just seeing how they were acting and the
10:20
Speaker 1: things that they did and then regretted and hated themselves for.
10:23
Speaker 1: Like I remember one night I went to bed, it
10:25
Speaker 1: didn't go out partying at schoolies, and I woke up
10:27
Speaker 1: to one of my girlfriends you pulled over my bedside
10:29
Speaker 1: table at a hotel, pulled a pants and it just
10:31
Speaker 1: started like wing in the drawer and my brain new
10:34
Speaker 1: phone was on the floor charging. Oh no, I'd like
10:37
Speaker 1: worked so hard to save up for because back then
10:39
Speaker 1: it wasn't on a plan or anything, and she ruined
10:40
Speaker 1: my phone. I was just so upset and just so
10:43
Speaker 1: many situations that they got into. And I had moments
10:46
Speaker 1: where I got really drunk as a teenager, but like
10:49
Speaker 1: it was just an awful experience. It was never a
10:51
Speaker 1: time where I was like, wow, that was so much fun,
10:54
Speaker 1: and it was like, what the fuck happened last night?
10:56
Speaker 1: And I was so sick the next day, like I
10:58
Speaker 1: cannot handle my alcohol. I will get so hung over
11:01
Speaker 1: the next day. And there was just never anything good
11:04
Speaker 1: that came from. And then when I met Steve, we
11:07
Speaker 1: partied a little bit together and we went to festivals
11:09
Speaker 1: and our whole crew was like, you know, we went
11:12
Speaker 1: through our party phase and it was just it was
11:13
Speaker 1: a lot of fun and I really tried to fit
11:15
Speaker 1: in and do the things, but it just never felt right.
11:19
Speaker 1: And then yeah, as I got older, I just stopped
11:22
Speaker 1: really drinking. And I definitely doubled in party drugs too
11:25
Speaker 1: when I was younger, and that wasn't for very long.
11:27
Speaker 1: That never felt really good for me. I think I
11:28
Speaker 1: just did it to fit in and try it, and like, yeah,
11:31
Speaker 1: I had some fun times, but it never felt good
11:33
Speaker 1: for me, and it made me so riddled with anxiety.
11:35
Speaker 1: Like if I had a big night I went to
11:37
Speaker 1: a festival like the whole next week, I was just
11:40
Speaker 1: riddled with anxiety. My skin would break out. I would
11:43
Speaker 1: just feel so dysregulated and just awful. See as I
11:47
Speaker 1: got older, I kind of just like slowed right down.
11:50
Speaker 1: And then it was like I would have wanted a
11:52
Speaker 1: birthday just to fit in. I felt like, Oh, maybe
11:54
Speaker 1: it'd be nice this time, Maybe I'll enjoy the flavor
11:57
Speaker 1: I found Amorto stole. It's probably the only drinker would have.
11:59
Speaker 1: I do like the taste of that, but it's so sweet. Yeah,
12:02
Speaker 1: And then I suppose I just watched my Beautiful girl
12:04
Speaker 1: from Makes You go on a journey of giving up alcohol,
12:07
Speaker 1: and it was really cool to go through that with
12:09
Speaker 1: her and share my perspectives. And I think at the
12:12
Speaker 1: end of the day it was like deciding to not
12:15
Speaker 1: drink was quite an easy decision because it's like, what
12:19
Speaker 1: do I value in my life? I value health, always
12:22
Speaker 1: value being healthy. Alcohod doesn't fit that. I value connection.
12:25
Speaker 1: Being drunk is not true connection. It's like, Ooh, you
12:29
Speaker 1: think you're connected, but it's not with yourself and with
12:31
Speaker 1: other people. I value glowing skin. My skin would always
12:34
Speaker 1: break out if I had alcohol to get like two
12:36
Speaker 1: or three raging big pimples. It's aw four. I value
12:40
Speaker 1: my energy, I value my sleep, and I value a
12:44
Speaker 1: really regulated nervous system. I value my career and being
12:48
Speaker 1: able to show up for women and when I'm drinking
12:50
Speaker 1: and partying, like, I can't do any of that. So
12:53
Speaker 1: why would I let that one thing that I don't
12:55
Speaker 1: value negatively impact everything I do value. It's an easy answer. Yeah, So, yeah,
13:01
Speaker 1: it's been really cool. And yeah, I can't remember the
13:03
Speaker 1: last time I had a proper drink. And Steve has
13:06
Speaker 1: given up alcohol, which is really cool, just in like
13:08
Speaker 1: the last year. And yeah, it's been really awesome. Megs,
13:11
Speaker 1: he doesn't drink anymore. A lot of people around me
13:14
Speaker 1: are really stopping drinking. I think a lot of people
13:17
Speaker 1: have a story that they have to drink to have fun,
13:19
Speaker 1: or have to drink to connect, but you actually don't.
13:22
Speaker 1: When you're around your people and people that you truly
13:24
Speaker 1: connect with, you have just as much fun.
13:26
Speaker 2: It's so much.
13:27
Speaker 1: I went to Tasha's wedding last year. I was a
13:30
Speaker 1: person that was on the dance for like the most
13:32
Speaker 1: and Steve was sitting back because you're like, it's wild.
13:34
Speaker 1: People would think you were the drunkest person he are
13:37
Speaker 1: because you were the craziest when doing like the Nutbush
13:39
Speaker 1: and all the dancers, and I'm just like whoa like,
13:42
Speaker 1: don't care what anyone thinks. I'm the life of the
13:43
Speaker 1: party and I haven't had one sip of alcohol. Yeah,
13:46
Speaker 1: and that's so cool. Yeah, I am that vibration and
13:48
Speaker 1: energy naturally, I need something to like give me that.
13:52
Speaker 2: You know, isn't that so beautiful when you can lean
13:54
Speaker 2: on that seeing yourself like, because it is so I
13:57
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people have that story that
13:59
Speaker 2: you need alcohol to have fun or maybe even need
14:02
Speaker 2: alcohol to take the edge off, yes, of that anxiety.
14:06
Speaker 1: Give liquid courage, yeah, liquid courage you.
14:08
Speaker 2: Know, or like they're just to make you feel a
14:10
Speaker 2: little bit more comfortable in that environment. Yes, but it's
14:12
Speaker 2: like you do overcome that when you are even to
14:15
Speaker 2: get clear on what it is that you value and
14:18
Speaker 2: asking yourself like does this actually align with what I
14:21
Speaker 2: do want for myself and who I believe that I
14:24
Speaker 2: am such a huge conversation to have because you know,
14:27
Speaker 2: there has.
14:28
Speaker 1: Been moments where I felt pressure. I'm not sure if
14:31
Speaker 1: you have to where you're in environments where everyone's like
14:35
Speaker 1: have it drink will. But for me, the easy way
14:37
Speaker 1: out of it was I would just get like a
14:38
Speaker 1: soda would and put line and it. So they've got
14:40
Speaker 1: my drink and I think it's vodcast. It's the easiest
14:42
Speaker 1: thing out anybody needs to do with shots. Throw it
14:45
Speaker 1: over my shoulder.
14:45
Speaker 2: Stop.
14:46
Speaker 1: I did, because if they're all shotting their bag, they're
14:49
Speaker 1: not looking at you. So I'd literally throw the liquid
14:51
Speaker 1: over my shoulder and they think about a shot. Smart
14:53
Speaker 1: and the pressure's all gone. But now it's not even
14:56
Speaker 1: hiding it. It's like I don't drink. Yeah, And if
14:58
Speaker 1: they are like, I'm like, I don't drink. Like, why
15:01
Speaker 1: is alcohol the one drug we pressure people to have
15:04
Speaker 1: and sal right and put people down if they don't
15:07
Speaker 1: have it? That is wild to me. It's still a substance.
15:10
Speaker 1: It's still a type of a drug. Why is that thing?
15:13
Speaker 1: It's just so normalized, and especially in the Australian culture. Yeah,
15:16
Speaker 1: I think it's really hard for men. They really connect
15:18
Speaker 1: through drinking. It's so common to like get together and
15:21
Speaker 1: have beers or whatever. I feel like it's a lot
15:23
Speaker 1: harder for men.
15:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, the soda water and I used to do that too, Yeah,
15:27
Speaker 2: but it was more so when I was on my
15:31
Speaker 2: going sober journey. But I still wanted to interact with
15:33
Speaker 2: the fun yes, because I still wanted to still be
15:36
Speaker 2: out and still be.
15:37
Speaker 1: So experience of having a drink is nice, still.
15:39
Speaker 2: Do those things, but I wasn't yet ready to be
15:42
Speaker 2: faced with the pushback of oh, why aren't you drinking? Yes,
15:45
Speaker 2: why aren't you doing it with us? And the peer
15:47
Speaker 2: pressure of like, just do it. You're gonna end up
15:50
Speaker 2: knowing it anyway, you're gonna be fine, Like you'll be
15:52
Speaker 2: drinking in an hour anyway, And I was like, oh,
15:54
Speaker 2: maybe in an hour, I might have a drink. So
15:56
Speaker 2: I up until the point where I felt so strong
15:59
Speaker 2: in that boundary where I was like no, I'm good,
16:01
Speaker 2: there's no one who can influence me in this decision.
16:04
Speaker 2: Then I was like, yep, nope, now I'm not drinking. Yeah,
16:06
Speaker 2: And you know it's funny. Like one of my girlfriends,
16:08
Speaker 2: Darcy love her, and we were having a conversation and
16:12
Speaker 2: we had like a dinner, and she was like, oh, like,
16:14
Speaker 2: are you like not having a drink because she likes
16:16
Speaker 2: to have a drink every now and again, And I
16:19
Speaker 2: was like, oh no, no, no, like I'm not gonna have
16:20
Speaker 2: a drink. She's like, oh, I won't have one with you.
16:22
Speaker 2: I don't want to influence you. And I was thinking,
16:24
Speaker 2: I literally said to her, baby, you couldn't even influence
16:26
Speaker 2: me if you tried, you know, because you do, so
16:28
Speaker 2: you do get to such a point within yourself that
16:30
Speaker 2: you're like, my value of who I want to be
16:33
Speaker 2: and what I choose to myself is more important than
16:37
Speaker 2: just having a one off drink for what reason?
16:39
Speaker 1: What reason?
16:39
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, And coming from somebody who had a serious
16:42
Speaker 2: party phase, like that's a huge thing, you know, to
16:45
Speaker 2: be able to see the contrast of like, you know,
16:48
Speaker 2: that lifestyle in comparison to the lifestyle that I have
16:50
Speaker 2: now and valuing and loving wholeheartedly my lifestyle now so
16:55
Speaker 2: much more that I don't even think about having a drink.
16:58
Speaker 2: Like you've asked me this before, where you've been like
17:00
Speaker 2: would you have a drink if we did a girl's
17:02
Speaker 2: trip and we went to Bali or whatever?
17:04
Speaker 1: And I was like, you know, probably not, yeah, And
17:06
Speaker 1: there wasn't from a place of trying to pressure, it
17:08
Speaker 1: was just curiosity of like, oh, I wonder on holidays
17:10
Speaker 1: do you have a drink? Yeah?
17:11
Speaker 2: Like what would your perspective be?
17:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, different different environment.
17:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it was curiosity And I loved that because
17:17
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you know what, like it probably
17:19
Speaker 2: wouldn't mean yeah, I just don't feel pulled to it.
17:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, same, so cool. I love it so a
17:25
Speaker 1: little while ago, I was really taken back, but like
17:27
Speaker 1: in such awe of you for this, because I would
17:30
Speaker 1: have been scared to be this bold as you saying
17:34
Speaker 1: to me like, I won't date someone if they drink
17:36
Speaker 1: alcohol because you were recently single. I was like, what
17:39
Speaker 1: kind of man would you go for?
17:40
Speaker 2: Like?
17:40
Speaker 1: And I think I said to you, what are you
17:41
Speaker 1: going to do if they are a drinker? And you're like, oh,
17:43
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't date people that drink. And
17:44
Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean? So if he
17:46
Speaker 1: takes all the boxes but he enjoys the drink, you
17:49
Speaker 1: won't date him? And you're like, no, because it's not
17:50
Speaker 1: what I want. And just how like confident you were
17:53
Speaker 1: on that. I was like wow, And I think it
17:56
Speaker 1: was a bit triggering for me because that's what I
17:57
Speaker 1: would really want. And I'm so glad Steve didn't drink
18:00
Speaker 1: anymore because any arguments we have had over the years
18:03
Speaker 1: has probably been around alcohol, and because of my childhood
18:06
Speaker 1: trauma and everything, it just never bit in with our
18:08
Speaker 1: relationship and it's been so beautiful. He's not drinking now,
18:11
Speaker 1: so I think I was like, WHOA, that's cool that
18:13
Speaker 1: you get to decide that.
18:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, so how did you.
18:16
Speaker 1: Come to that decision? And have you met an amazing
18:19
Speaker 1: guy and he drinks and you're like.
18:20
Speaker 2: See, yeah, yeah, it's interesting. So because of my past
18:24
Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol, I know what it's like when you're
18:26
Speaker 2: on it. I know what your thoughts are, like, I
18:29
Speaker 2: know where your head's at. I understand what it feels
18:31
Speaker 2: like to be in that like murky energy of drinking
18:34
Speaker 2: alcohol you don't think clearly. I know what it feels
18:36
Speaker 2: like to be in that position. So when I meet
18:38
Speaker 2: somebody now that is in a position where they're still
18:42
Speaker 2: doing those things, it allows me to see where they're
18:44
Speaker 2: at mentally, and it's not judgment or anything like that.
18:47
Speaker 2: For me, I need my partner to be somebody who
18:50
Speaker 2: can influence me and in a really positive way and
18:53
Speaker 2: help me get closer to the person I want to be,
18:55
Speaker 2: not further away. And so the way that I kind
18:58
Speaker 2: of interpret that in my head is like, Okay, somebody
19:00
Speaker 2: who would be drinking, going out all the time, enjoying,
19:03
Speaker 2: like really loves looking forward to those things. In my head,
19:06
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm going backwards. I feel like that's
19:08
Speaker 2: taking me closer to eighteen year old Tiana who love
19:10
Speaker 2: to drink, as opposed to you know, future thirty year
19:13
Speaker 2: old Tiana, who wants to create amazing things for her life,
19:16
Speaker 2: you know. And so for me it feels a little
19:18
Speaker 2: bit like an ick, you know where it's like. And again,
19:21
Speaker 2: no judgment on anybody who chooses to drink, but for me,
19:24
Speaker 2: specifically with an intimate partner, I just want that man
19:28
Speaker 2: to be so straight and has self control and is
19:31
Speaker 2: disciplined and isn't influenced or tempted by those things. And
19:35
Speaker 2: for me, that's a fucking man.
19:37
Speaker 1: And shares the same value of health, which our cult
19:39
Speaker 1: doesn't really fit in.
19:39
Speaker 2: My life value of health. I want them to value
19:42
Speaker 2: their health, like I talk to you about this all
19:44
Speaker 2: the time, you know, And so I just would love
19:46
Speaker 2: to have somebody who has the same values of me
19:48
Speaker 2: and to not bring things into my life to influence
19:53
Speaker 2: me in a negative way. I'm very protective of my
19:56
Speaker 2: space and my environment, and I'm just really mindful of
20:00
Speaker 2: those things. So cool.
20:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awesome. And you get to decide what you
20:03
Speaker 1: do and don't want also.
20:05
Speaker 2: And that's the thing, permission to just be like, that's
20:07
Speaker 2: a non negotial. For example, I'm seeing somebody. We had
20:11
Speaker 2: a conversation the other day randomly about I don't even
20:13
Speaker 2: know how he got onto the topic of cigarettes, and
20:16
Speaker 2: I was like, that's a non negotibal for me straight too,
20:18
Speaker 2: and he was just like, oh wow, really, like because
20:20
Speaker 2: he didn't know, we hadn't had this conversation, not that
20:22
Speaker 2: he smokes or anything. Yeah, but he's had like a
20:25
Speaker 2: party past as well, so he also understands.
20:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.
20:27
Speaker 2: He was like, oh wow really And I was like absolutely, yeah,
20:30
Speaker 2: non negotiable for me, done full stop, Like there's no
20:33
Speaker 2: conversation about it. I get to want those things, you know.
20:36
Speaker 2: It's a standard I hold for myself, and I very
20:39
Speaker 2: much often hold the people in my life to the
20:41
Speaker 2: same standard that I for myself.
20:44
Speaker 1: We both went to an event recently and was like,
20:46
Speaker 1: what do you do it? I think he asked us
20:48
Speaker 1: on a Friday. You were like, what are you doing tonight?
20:50
Speaker 1: It's like nothing? You like you want to come to
20:52
Speaker 1: this you restaurant opening restaurant. I was like, restaurant, Yes,
20:55
Speaker 1: it's scene on the highway. It's like, oh one of
20:57
Speaker 1: it's like Asian cuisine, and I was like, yes, hungry, Like,
21:00
Speaker 1: let's do it. We invited Meg and then we walked
21:03
Speaker 1: up the stairs and I can hear music palmping, and
21:06
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, walk up there and it's just
21:09
Speaker 1: like a full blown bar party scene. Every man and
21:13
Speaker 1: his dog was there. It was dressed to impress, and
21:15
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that, but it's just like we thought
21:17
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a nice, quite sit down and yeah,
21:19
Speaker 1: why the new menu, And like I think we felt
21:21
Speaker 1: so not out of place, but we didn't even hear you.
21:24
Speaker 2: We felt out of place.
21:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I was like, I actually can't fucking hear you,
21:28
Speaker 1: so don't bother talking to me each other literally and
21:32
Speaker 1: then like color people come up and said hello, but
21:34
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't hear you. So we're calling
21:36
Speaker 1: up all these different restaurants set where we can get in.
21:38
Speaker 1: Everywhere's booked own. I'm like I'm hungry, ah, But it
21:41
Speaker 1: was just interesting to be put back in that environment
21:43
Speaker 1: of party and drinking and like socializing and small chit chat,
21:48
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I knew I didn't like this,
21:51
Speaker 1: but I really don't like this.
21:52
Speaker 2: I think it was a good piece of evidence for
21:54
Speaker 2: us to kind of back into that environment, to just
21:57
Speaker 2: see how we feel in that space. I did really
22:00
Speaker 2: feel out of place.
22:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also.
22:01
Speaker 2: Because we went into it with the expectation that it's
22:04
Speaker 2: going to be a restaurant, you know, and I think
22:06
Speaker 2: probably if we had known that it was a bar,
22:08
Speaker 2: we probably wouldn't have gone the bar opening. We were
22:11
Speaker 2: like sardines in there, like everyone was like so there
22:14
Speaker 2: were glasses being broken accidentally.
22:16
Speaker 1: Yes, there was a mess.
22:18
Speaker 2: Like you know, it was a really beautiful place, but
22:21
Speaker 2: it's just different. It's to be in that environment.
22:24
Speaker 1: And I love getting dressed off and getting ready to
22:26
Speaker 1: do makeup and taking photos and like going places, but
22:28
Speaker 1: just not the party vibe.
22:30
Speaker 2: What was Stephanie thinking when we first went into the bar.
22:34
Speaker 2: I don't know if Stephanie was there, No, was Tatiana there?
22:38
Speaker 2: What should mean a bit judging a little bit?
22:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean Stephanie was because I just said that,
22:42
Speaker 1: so I must have been doing the same.
22:43
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I was a little bit like I'm
22:45
Speaker 2: above this stuff.
22:47
Speaker 1: You are in a different vibration to them. You are
22:49
Speaker 1: on a different level to people that are drinking. Yeah,
22:51
Speaker 1: and that's the hobby. Like it's different.
22:53
Speaker 2: And not that I thought I was better than anyone
22:55
Speaker 2: any means, but more so like I'm above this behavior.
22:57
Speaker 2: I don't resonate here.
22:58
Speaker 1: Anything conscious when you're drinking.
23:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I don't resonate here anymore. Not
23:03
Speaker 2: to say that people can't go and have fun. Everyone
23:05
Speaker 2: does it in their own way. But for me, what
23:08
Speaker 2: I used to do to who I am now very young.
23:11
Speaker 1: Well, like you said, it kind of takes you back
23:12
Speaker 1: to eighteen year old Tiana, and you're twenty six year
23:14
Speaker 1: old Tiana, who's like galling different things now. So it
23:17
Speaker 1: does feel like you're above and past that stage of life.
23:20
Speaker 1: I can't think of a specific judgment, but I'm sure it.
23:23
Speaker 1: Stephanie had moments of just like it. I didn't like
23:25
Speaker 1: being in that environment, yeah, and I remember not wanting
23:28
Speaker 1: to pressure you girls to leave, but I was also
23:30
Speaker 1: just like, it's not for me. One thing I am
23:33
Speaker 1: open to, which we briefly spoke about in the last podcast,
23:36
Speaker 1: is mushrooms, though, which I know you've done plenty of
23:39
Speaker 1: times and had such beautiful experiences and learnings and downloads
23:42
Speaker 1: and done heaps of shadow work. I'm so excited to
23:45
Speaker 1: experience that. But it comes from a different intention. Like
23:49
Speaker 1: when we do mushrooms, it's like we want to get
23:51
Speaker 1: to the deepest, darkest wounds. I want to find out
23:54
Speaker 1: why I'm doing XYZ and like how to move through
23:57
Speaker 1: this guilt and shame and like bring it all up
23:59
Speaker 1: because the mushrooms take away the ego, takeaway the inner critic.
24:02
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to experience that serience that in Ayahuascar,
24:06
Speaker 1: which once again it's like it's a different intention. Yeah,
24:09
Speaker 1: there's such a different energy in feeling behind plant based
24:12
Speaker 1: medicines compared to party drugs, now cold intentions everything.
24:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, even you're doing Ayahuascar, Like that's such a holistic journey.
24:22
Speaker 2: Everybody healing different perspective. But you go into the intention
24:26
Speaker 2: to clear out whatever it is it's blocking you, Yeah,
24:29
Speaker 2: or understand yourself, to.
24:30
Speaker 1: Understand yourself deeper.
24:32
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that's a through trauma release. Same thing with
24:35
Speaker 2: like mushrooms. That's the previous experiences I've had has been
24:39
Speaker 2: how can I connect with myself in ways I don't
24:41
Speaker 2: yet know how what can I release, what can I
24:44
Speaker 2: heal through? How can I create deeper connection with the
24:48
Speaker 2: people that I love and create like an even deeper
24:52
Speaker 2: space of safety and certainty and connection without any ego.
24:56
Speaker 1: That excites me. Yeah, it still scares me though, because
24:58
Speaker 1: I don't like being out of control. It's a big
25:01
Speaker 1: reason why I don't drink as well, because I don't
25:03
Speaker 1: like to not being con of what I'm saying and
25:06
Speaker 1: how I'm reacting and what I'm doing. Like that feels
25:08
Speaker 1: icky for me. So I'm scared of it. But I
25:10
Speaker 1: think because it's me and you and we've planned out
25:12
Speaker 1: where it's going to be and how it's going to be,
25:14
Speaker 1: I feel so safe. And I did ih ooscar with Steve,
25:17
Speaker 1: so I just felt so safe with he might just
25:18
Speaker 1: feel safe with anything.
25:19
Speaker 2: So fine. Yeah, it's like it doesn't feel at least
25:22
Speaker 2: in my personal experience, it doesn't feel like you're out
25:25
Speaker 2: of control. It just feels like you have this heightened
25:28
Speaker 2: sense of awareness and you can see everything from like
25:30
Speaker 2: a higher perspective. So and when you are sharing things,
25:35
Speaker 2: and like say, if we sit down and we ask
25:36
Speaker 2: each other questions, when you are answering those questions, it's
25:40
Speaker 2: like your shield for self protection just goes away. You
25:44
Speaker 2: just like blurt out all this stuff, but just you
25:46
Speaker 2: just don't care because you're not scared of judgment and
25:49
Speaker 2: you're not terrified or fearful of saying what feels true
25:52
Speaker 2: for you. You're just like, this is my truth. And then
25:55
Speaker 2: you're like, holy fuck, did I just say that? But
25:59
Speaker 2: then it's like I know these people have got me.
26:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so safe.
26:02
Speaker 2: We're so fine, like wait to get it. Yeah, so fun, Yeah,
26:06
Speaker 2: so fun.
26:08
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us, guys. I hope you enjoyed our
26:10
Speaker 1: perspective on alcohol and yeah, I suppose a good opportunity
26:14
Speaker 1: for you to kind of do an audit on your
26:15
Speaker 1: life and reflect on what you value and doesn't fit
26:18
Speaker 1: in with that yeah and maybe it doesn't. Yeah, And
26:21
Speaker 1: how to change your mind and do things differently.
26:23
Speaker 2: Yeah what you just said as well. I remember thinking
26:26
Speaker 2: to myself and just changing completely one day and leaving
26:29
Speaker 2: everything that I used to do behind. It was like,
26:31
Speaker 2: from this day forward, I choose to be this version
26:34
Speaker 2: of myself. And I just want to remind you, like,
26:35
Speaker 2: you don't owe it to anybody to stay the exact
26:39
Speaker 2: same version of yourself that you used to be. Like,
26:41
Speaker 2: give yourself permission to completely uproot your life if that's
26:44
Speaker 2: what you choose and that's what you want and you're
26:47
Speaker 2: terrified of doing that, give yourself permission that it's actually okay.
26:50
Speaker 1: Yes, And you know, along the way, I feel like
26:53
Speaker 1: when you change and evolve, you may lose some friends
26:55
Speaker 1: because maybe they're still wanting to party. You don't align
26:57
Speaker 1: anymore and you don't have the common ground and you're
26:59
Speaker 1: doing different activities on the weekend. Like that might happen,
27:02
Speaker 1: and that transition could be really hard, but you will
27:05
Speaker 1: also attract and bring in new people. Yeah, that be
27:08
Speaker 1: going to meet you where you're at right now, and
27:10
Speaker 1: you've got the common ground of like values that you
27:13
Speaker 1: share and different experiences you want to have together. So
27:16
Speaker 1: it can be scary and daunting, which is really really valid.
27:19
Speaker 1: But also just be really open and excited for what's
27:21
Speaker 1: to come and pose to come in your life that
27:23
Speaker 1: commute you there.
27:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, hold out for those people as well.
27:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, just be there.
27:27
Speaker 2: Be mindful of the part of you that wants to
27:28
Speaker 2: go back into old environments as well to be like,
27:31
Speaker 2: oh but I feel safe, say I feel lonely and
27:33
Speaker 2: I won't to go back there, or maybe I'm scared
27:35
Speaker 2: of if it's not going to come for me. I
27:37
Speaker 2: promise you it will come, and in the meantime come
27:39
Speaker 2: to our own person events. Yes, like yeah, you will
27:43
Speaker 2: get all the connection and meet the same like minded
27:45
Speaker 2: people that are on the same journey as you. Have
27:47
Speaker 2: the same mindset, values and everything that you are about.
27:51
Speaker 2: I promise you if you get yourself in those rooms.
27:53
Speaker 1: We'll show you a good time without alcohol. Yeah. Yeah,
27:56
Speaker 1: you'll see Ashley and and Stephanie and who all of
28:01
Speaker 1: the vibe for the party. Yeah, we love it. Oh,
28:04
Speaker 1: thanks joining us, guys, and we'll see you in the
28:06
Speaker 1: next episode. Bye mm hmm.