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Most Nervous System Work Backfires · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Beyond Limits, the podcast designed to unlock your highest potential with powerful strategies, energetic frequencies, and mindset shifts to create a limitless life.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode dives deep into what it really takes to build a life and business beyond the ordinary standard.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Expect unfiltered conversations, tangible takeaways, and mind-blowing insights to shift your reality.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You'll hear from trailblazers who have shattered ceilings and know what it means to live beyond limits.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And they're here to share their expertise with you.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready to redefine what's possible when you go all in.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: More than a podcast, this is your gateway to building a limitless life and business.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Tune into the Beyond Limits podcast and step into all that is possible.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Beyond Limits podcast.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're diving into something super important, which is has the way that you have been regulating your nervous system keeping you small?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so you might have been doing all the practices, all the breath work, all the somatics, the cold plunges, the EFT tapping, the journaling, but you still find yourself hitting a ceiling.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: That is what we're diving into today.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So before we dive into why you might be hitting a ceiling, we first need to dive into what exactly regulation does.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So anytime you go to regulate your nervous system, you are bringing yourself back down to a baseline state.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you get a trigger, something sets you off, you then get dysregulated, and then you use these practices, these tools to bring you back down to a calm baseline.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: The issue with this is, and the trap of it, is you never end up regulating through to the next level.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you're always going to be limited by what you're going to allow in because you go up and then down, up and then down, but never break through that ceiling where you're actually going to experience a new level of life and a new level of your business.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you've been living in the same house for the whole of your life.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can paint the walls, you can fix the leaks, but if you don't actually upgrade the blueprint of the house, if you don't actually add on an extension or you don't do a full gut remodel, you're gonna end up living in the same comfortable house.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the same thing goes with your nervous system.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you do not expand your capacity, if you do not expand the blueprint of the house, you will get stuck at the same level.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And a common misconception here is that a lot of people think that regulating your nervous system is simply about feeling calm.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the issue is calm is not the goal.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Calm is like preheating the oven.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we want to get you into a non-reactive place.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we want to make sure that you're no longer stressed or you're no longer dysregulated.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just the foundation.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is just the first step.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Afterwards, it's like what we actually put inside the oven.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So we preheat it, it's ready to go.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if you stop there, well, then the banana bread never gets cooked, i.e., your system never expands.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you have what is called a window of tolerance.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this window of tolerance is how big or how much capacity you have before something throws you off.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So something might happen with a customer in the business, you get thrown off.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: A family member gets sick, you get thrown off.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Something's happening with the kids, you get thrown off.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Someone asks for a refund, you get thrown off.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Something is going on with money, you get thrown off.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so traditional regulation will regulate you back into this window, but it doesn't actually expand your capacity to be able to hold more.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of women spend time simply entering back into this window of tolerance, but they never expand their window so that they can hold more.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to use the analogy of Starbucks.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you go to Starbucks and your nervous system is the size of a tall cup, that is the capacity that you have to receive success, money, love, joy, aliveness, overflow.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you just empty your cup, i.e., do the practices that empty the cup so that you have more room, your cup never gets bigger, right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: You never have the capacity to receive more.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you expand your nervous system, i.e., expand your cup from a tall to a venti, well then you have more capacity for life, for business, for joy, for kids, for whatever it is that you want.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise, that small window or that small size cup is the limit that you are going to experience in terms of what you can receive in life.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And here's why that is so important to expand.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise, when you hit that edge, more visibility, more money, more things on the other side are always going to be resisted against.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So your nervous system has this beautiful protection response where it will always protect you from what it believes is not safe.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And to the nervous system, overflow feels like overwhelm.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So even if that overflow is more money and more love and more joy and more quote unquote good things to the nervous system, anything that is unfamiliar is labeled as bad, is labeled as get it away from me.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if you do not expand your capacity, no matter how much you desire the more money, no matter how much you put effort in or how much you work or how much strategy you use, your system is not going to be able to allow it in.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why the women who break through ceilings, the women who become limitless aren't just regulating their systems, but they are actively recalibrating it preventatively so that they can expand their capacity to allow more in.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest thing with this is when we allow more in, we're not just allowing in more money and more love and more joy of the good things, but it's also your capacity to handle more of the challenges, the things that can quote unquote go wrong.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because as you know, as you scale the business, as you grow, life is always gonna happen.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's always gonna be challenges, there's always gonna be things happening.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: But when you become the woman or you become the person who doesn't get thrown off when those things happened, when you can be that meme where the house is on fire and you're just standing in front calm, that is essentially what you are doing for your nervous system.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: So remember, your nervous system has three preferences predictability, right?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: What it can predict, it only likes what's familiar, safety, so what it believes is going to keep it safe.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And third, what's efficient.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: If anything is outside these realms, automatically it will create resistance and shut it down.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why one of the most important things you can do is learning to run hot.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So what do I mean by this?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: When you are learning to run hot, you are essentially learning to be at peace in a potentially activated state.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So things can be going on, and not only are you not reactive, but you have built the muscle or like the muscle memory in your system to be able to be resilient to all of these things.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see the difference between regulation and recalibration.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Regulation will always just seek to bring you down to a certain set point.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you regulate down, you suppress yourself, you dim.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Recalibration is about expanding up.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not managing your system back to a baseline, it's setting a new baseline entirely.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that I've been so passionate talking about, even on my Instagram, because a lot of women don't realize that when they are trying to do regulation work or they get into nervous system work, that so often they think nervous system work is just I'm resting on the couch, I'm having a cup of tea, I'm regulating my nervous system.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the issue with that is that you never end up graduating to the next level.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: You never end up actually expanding your capacity.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you live at this level that's beneath the income, beneath the visibility, beneath the aliveness, beneath the joy that you're actually meant to experience.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because every single time you approach an edge, you end up using these tools and practices to regulate away.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll know you'll do this because you'll feel triggered or you'll feel activated, right?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Something will set you off.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: You'll look at your Stripe account, you will look at your month to date, you'll look at, you know, a client sending a whatever email, someone leaving a hate comment online, and all of a sudden you feel your heart start to race.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: You feel that pit in your stomach, or you feel that lump in your throat, you actively start to freak out.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And what is the biggest thing most humans try to do?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: They try to reach for something that is going to then soothe the feeling.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So they end up, sometimes they end up reaching for a strategy to try to cover up that feeling, to try to soothe that feeling.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they end up people pleasing and not having boundaries just to keep everyone happy and avoid conflict.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes they use regulation tools to minimize the sensation.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: They try to breathe it away.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: They try to journal it away.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: When that was the very edge, that was the thing that was going to take you to the next level.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if you count up every single time you're doing that, that's why you kind of feel like you're in this groundhog day or this loop.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time you get to the edge of your next level and you're about to break through, you end up using these tools and these things that bring you down back into your previous identity in your previous window of tolerance.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why most women, most people in general, don't live inside reality's limits.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: They live inside the limits that they've created in their head, the limits that they've created in terms of how much money they can make, the limits they've created in terms of how visible or how powerful they're allowed to be, the limits that they've created, even around how much they're allowed to want and desire and receive in this life.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So what recalibrating actually requires is you need to learn to stay hot, i.e., you need to learn to stay in the fire, to stay at that edge without soothing it away.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: So whether that's, you know, a 10x in your visibility, whether that's a relationship, whether that's a certain amount of money, if every time that new level comes in and approaches, you soothe the feeling, you'll never get to the other side.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, right, when you're expanding to the next level, it's supposed to feel uncomfortable.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's supposed to feel a little bit like your skin on is too tight.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like something is trying to contract you and there, there's pressure.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's how diamonds are formed.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Diamonds are formed under pressure.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: But when you seek to always resolve that pressure or not go to your edge or stay inside this zone of, well, I can't do that because that would be dysregulating, or I can't make that investment because that feels edgy.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, if you're not going to your edge repeatedly and learning to dance with the edge and have fun at the edge and make friends with that feeling in your body, you're never actually going to expand.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where taking actions that your current nervous system feels pretty terrified to take is the key.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not taking actions that your nervous system currently feels terrified to take, then you're not going to end up expanding your capacity because your capacity needs to be stretched.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it'll be stretched with the magnitude that you go after it.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So when you gall it all in, right?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you actually go to that edge, your capacity will expand in direct proportion to how much you are putting yourself out there, how much you are putting all the chips in, how much you are going all in, how much you are willing to expose yourself and be vulnerable and be seen.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many times I was just working with a client on this last week where she's increasing her visibility.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: She's getting more clients than she ever has before, and she feels very exposed.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And she was making this exposed feeling wrong.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, this is perfect.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling exposed means that we are at the edge.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It means we are actually expanding your capacity to be seen at a new level.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It means you're growing.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: But if you never feel exposed, if you never feel uncomfortable, if you never feel like you're at that edge, then how do you expect to grow?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: But so often people wait until they feel ready.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: They wait until they feel perfectly comfortable.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: They wait until they feel confident that they can launch the thing, do the thing, raise their prices, say the thing on the internet, whatever it is, instead of deciding that you are going to regulate through the experience by actually going after it.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that terrifying edge is not your nervous system telling you to stop.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually your system pointing you in the exact direction with lights on, as like this way, go this way now.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is the pathway there.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So whether that's pitching yourself for a certain stage or a certain podcast, whether that's a new business model, whether that's a different type of program, whether that's raising rates, it could be anything and everything.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't actually shoot the shot, then the nervous system never expands.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where also being around women or being around people who are always going after it is so good for your system.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because A, that normalizes it to your system.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you are surrounded by people who are always doing the same thing, right?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have some of these people in your life.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can think about people who they do the same thing day in and day out, year after year.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like they're living in the same house, they've got the same job, they've got the same everything.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: They don't actually shift and change and expand.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how could they?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: But if that is who you're surrounding yourself with, and if the majority of people you are surrounding yourself with, and you're the one who's going to the edge, what your nervous system is going to do is it's going to set off a red flag, right?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: We are primal tribal beings, right?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, our systems evolved, but it hasn't evolved that much in the last, you know, few thousand years.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: That tribal mentality is still there.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if the predominant people you are surrounded yourself with are those who aren't going after big things, then when you go to after big things, they're gonna be like, Are you sure?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is that safe?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, I don't know.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't sound like a good idea.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds risky, like, yes, but that's where the payoff is.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: But that's where so many people start questioning themselves because they're seeking advice and they're seeking confirmation or they're seeking permission from people who don't have the lives that they want, who wouldn't even dare do what you were trying to do, and they don't have the same vision that you do.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the science underneath it we have these things in our nervous system called mirror neurons, which means your neurons literally mirror the people you surround yourself with unconsciously.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: So even if they aren't saying anything, your system is calibrating to theirs.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you may have heard about this.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people talk about this when it comes to their children and co-regulating with their children, and a thousand percent your kids pick up your nervous system.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're dysregulated, you're wiring their system to be dysregulated.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want you to think about your partner, your friends, and who you're surrounding yourself with.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have places where your nervous system can mirror people who are not only regulated but always expanding, not only A is it kind of like a secret hack because you end up recalibrating to a higher level without actually doing more because your system is calibrating to those people, but it ends up pulling you down.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see the cost of being around people who are actively not only staying the same, but where you then feel like you keep flying up and up and up, and something keeps bringing you down.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll know this because there's certain people you always have the same conversations with, or there's people who bring out a certain aspect of you.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you go to hang out with maybe your high school friends or college friends, you end up drinking a lot, staying up late, or doing things you wouldn't normally do.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or you hang around them and they speak in lack.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So all of a sudden you minimize yourself, you minimize your success.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You don't say how much you charge or how the dreams that you have, and you end up making yourself so much smaller.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: So when you put yourself in rooms with women who talk about the income that you want, like it's a random Tuesday, you will fly so much higher.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I started doing this from the very beginning of my business.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And a thousand percent putting myself in rooms is one of the reasons I'm so successful, and it's one of the reasons I'm still successful to this day, is I'm always in rooms with people who are making more money than me.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that is my predominant exposure.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: That is the predominant place I'm plugging into, consuming is that because not only do you naturally raise from those mere neurons, but you're also expanded in these conversations.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell a little story about this because it's so funny and it'll show you where your ego can get in the way.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember it was early on in my business, maybe this was like 2021-ish.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I think 2021.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Time is weird, 2021.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I entered a mastermind.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I at that time, I thought that I was, I was living it.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I it had blown my mind what I was doing in terms of income, I never thought possible.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: When I started my business, I just wanted to make a hundred K a year because I thought, I'll make a hundred K a year.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, amazing.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I was doing maybe three times that at that point.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I entered this room and I entered this mastermind, and I was like, oh, I'm doing so successful, I'm amazing.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now I get to connect with other women who are successful, and I'll never forget the first person gets on this hot seat mastermind, and she said, So yeah, we had another 100k month and blah blah blah blah blah and it's going really well.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm like, what?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, what?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like you made a hundred thousand dollars in a month, and it completely blew my mind as to what was possible, and immediately I was like, Okay, I'm the small, yes, and I was like, Oh, I'm the small fish, I get to learn.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't even know that that was possible.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: That never even entered my mind that it was possible to make a hundred thousand dollars in a month.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, people are are are rich and you know you can see stuff online if they have the the lifestyle or whatever, but I mean like just being in an actual space on a call and being able to like learn from someone doing this completely opened my perspective and changed my entire life.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing about mirror neurons is they calibrate the most effectively when you're not just observing something.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not like, oh, I follow people who make money on Instagram.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually being able to interact with those people.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's having conversations, it's being reciprocal, it's being very immersed in the environment, whether that's, you know, on Zoom calls in a mastermind, whether that's at an in-person event, either of these things, it's so much more powerful.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's that proximity element than simply observing on Instagram.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because watching someone from like behind a screen only gives your nervous system a glimpse, but being able to actually have proximity, ask questions, learn from is a whole other experience.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: So we can see with all of this, right?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: The the physiological physiology of expansion, if you will, right?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: How our systems truly expand.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not only through raising this ceiling, but it's also about having the identity to match.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of what I want to go into next in this part of the episode is it's not just all right, we expand your capacity, we have the mirror neurons, we're exposing you to different environments, but it's having the identity locked in at every single one of those levels.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can walk into the room and think, well, I don't belong here.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this person is more successful than me.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't, I don't know, make as much money.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I to be here?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's an identity mismatch.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if your identity is not on board and doesn't feel like, yes, this is the table that I am meant to be at, this is the space I am meant to be.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know, like this is what I want, it's going to actively reject it.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why you may have heard about the fact that a lot of people who win the lottery, they end up going bankrupt or reverting back to their previous level of income within five years.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And they've studied this time and time again.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not only was their nervous system not expanded to be able to hold this massive influx of money, but their identity had not matched at that level as well.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it didn't feel normal.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't feel like this is just who they are.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of this is also really locking into that new identity because every identity you've ever had, whether that's the person that's too much, too this, too loud, too quiet, too whatever, any I'm the one who's shy, I'm the one who's this.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was just talking about this on a call yesterday with a client in terms of she has this identity that she's shy, that she's weak and she's fragile.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't have this identity of being like a powerful woman, of being like a Beyoncé type energy or a Cardi B type energy where you can walk into the room and you have this like swagger about you, right?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's all identity.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so really evaluating not just where your nervous system is hitting that edge, but are you actually integrating your identity at that level?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you do not integrate the identity, every time you expand, the identity will bring you back to a previous set point because your identity is just who you believe yourself to be.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you believe yourself to be someone who can only make this amount of money or can only achieve a certain amount of success, or maybe you think you can make money, but you can't also have love, or you can't have money and love and also health and be fit.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind has this whole identity of how it sees itself.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Then even if you break through temporarily, you'll always be brought back down to that lower set point.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this identity is really built through repetition, right?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's this pattern that you have ingrained, and that's where your identity comes from, right?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: You believe yourself to be that thing because you've done it a certain amount of times, right?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: You identify, if you identify as a smoker, it's because you've smoked a certain amount of times that you identify as that.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you identify as successful, it's because you've had a certain number of things happen that you then can say, Hey, I am successful.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: The problem with this is that so many people are waiting for permission or they're waiting for a certain milestone to then match that identity.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, well, I will feel powerful when I have something that validates me that I'm powerful.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I will feel like I'm successful when I've crossed this income.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I will feel this when this happens.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: But that's backwards.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where some people get personal development wrong because they'll end up doing scripting or visualization or affirmations.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: But the issue is the nervous system doesn't actually expand through that.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: It expands through experiences, it expands through congruence of you matching the situation.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're visualizing it in your head, it's not the same as actually being thrown into the deep end in that situation and matching it, right?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is the emotional charge of it is so much stronger when you're actually embodying it in real life.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what really locks it in.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can close your eyes in the morning and feel powerful or put on a song that really makes you feel good.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like we all have these songs that if we played right now, we'd be feeling ourselves.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: But that's easy, right?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to feel powerful when you have no challenge.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to feel powerful when you're not actually powerful with anything.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's everything is just sunshine and rainbows, and it's easy.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the way you'll lock in, for example, the powerful identity is to be in a situation where you could be thrown off, right?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Someone questions you, someone writes an aggressive email or trolls you on the internet.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's a true measure of your power.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's a true measure of how you much you actually believe in yourself.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is why if you don't actually expand the capacity, match it with that identity, and lock both of those in, you just end up regulating yourself within that small window of tolerance, within that small ceiling, and you never go to the next level.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to really ask yourself, where have you been regulating down when really you need to recalibrate up?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where have you been avoiding the edge that you know is the thing that would expand you?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels stretchy and it feels like, oh, like Christmas morning.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like, oh, this is a lot.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: And where are you not riding and dancing with that edge daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: You start learning to ride that edge and you bring together that not trying to soothe the feeling, you allow yourself to stay hot, you allow yourself to stay in the fire, and you lock in that new identity.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is when you will truly expand.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to share it with someone that you know is on the edge of that next level.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: That you know when they hear this, they will be like, Yes, this is a thing that I needed to hear in order to expand.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't yet left a five star rating in review, you can do that as well.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I will see you in the next episode.