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The Soup Bowl Test: How Small Changes Transform Your Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 20th, 2026 The Soup Bowl Test How Small Changes
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  Transform Your Marriage I love my wife.
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  Because I love her, I want to do everything in my power to make her life better.
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  Recently, that has meant rubbing her back when she is in pain.
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  In better times, there are far more ways I can bless her.
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  I suppose all of this collides with our human tendency to be selfish.
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  But we can choose to set aside our selfishness and make being kind and loving
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  to our spouse our default.
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  I say this because it's what Lori has done for me and it's what I have done for her.
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  I happen to think God wants us to do this but honestly that's not why I do it.
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  I do it because I love my wife and it seems an obvious and necessary choice based on that.
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  Let me give you an example of how this can play out. Today I learned my wife
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  hates it when people drink from a bowl. I do that occasionally at home.
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  She has never complained because it doesn't bother her enough to have spoken up.
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  But having learned it bothers her, I will make a point to never again do it in front of her.
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  What if she had said, it really bothers me when you drink the last of your soup
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  out of your bowl? A part of me would probably have thought that's her problem.
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  Or I might have felt she was trying to control me.
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  But if I was all about not doing it when she didn't ask me to stop,
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  shouldn't I be willing to do the same if she did ask?
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  My motivation for most scenarios should be, how can I make life better for my wife?
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  Some folks have a problem with this because they fear being used by their spouse.
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  But here's the thing. If I set the parameters, she can't be using me.
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  It's almost never been an issue with Lori, but there are lines.
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  If she hit those lines often, I'd hold to them.
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  The danger is moving the lines because of what my wife does.
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  If she pushes a line, my natural reaction is to move the line to protect myself
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  or punish her selfishness.
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  If I don't think about and fight that tendency, it will almost certainly happen.
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  And that can quickly become a vicious cycle that can do great harm to our marriage.
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  Yeah, this does require a good deal of putting her first. But if I love her,
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  shouldn't I be all about doing that?
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  And if I'm following Jesus, hasn't he called me to do that?
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  This is Paul and doing marriage well means going above and beyond to make life better for your spouse.