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Mojo Monday - What To do When Your Values Compete With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi everyone, it's CALLI here for this week's Mojo Monday.
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  Speaker 1: So I want to talk today about when we try
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: to do too many things at once and the idea
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  Speaker 1: of competing values. So let me explain what I mean. So,
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  Speaker 1: most of us have values that really matter to us.
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  Speaker 1: They're things that matter to us deep in our heart.
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  Speaker 1: They're really really important, you know, things like being a
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  Speaker 1: present parent, or maybe it's being a good leader at work,
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  Speaker 1: or looking after our health or contributing to the community.
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  Speaker 1: And these are kind of like compass points that guide
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  Speaker 1: our lives. So when we're making decisions, these values are
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  Speaker 1: our compass that point us in the direction that we
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  Speaker 1: want to go towards the person that we want to be.
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  Speaker 1: But what can happen is that we have more than
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  Speaker 1: one value, so we have two values that we really
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  Speaker 1: care about that come into conflict. So for example, just
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  Speaker 1: say you are finishing a big project at work, or
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  Speaker 1: maybe it's some big assignment at work, and you want
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  Speaker 1: to really nail it because you value excellence and reliability,
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  Speaker 1: for example. But at the same time, your teenager has
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  Speaker 1: been struggling and they've just asked you if you can
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  Speaker 1: hang out with them and do something with them after school,
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  Speaker 1: so you value being there for them too. So now
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  Speaker 1: you're caught. So one part if he says, right, I've
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  Speaker 1: got to stay focused, I've got to meet this deadline
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  Speaker 1: of got to do a good job. And then this
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  Speaker 1: other part of you is like, you need to be
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  Speaker 1: a good parent, you need to be present with your kids,
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  Speaker 1: and right now your teenager needs you. So this is
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  Speaker 1: where many of us get stuck. And that was just
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  Speaker 1: one example, but you might sound familiar to you in
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  Speaker 1: other areas of your life as well. And what can
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  Speaker 1: happen is guilt and stress and overthinking can sneak in.
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  Speaker 1: But the reality of life is that values will sometimes compete.
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  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that you're bad at balancing life.
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  Speaker 1: It just means that you're human. So what can we
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  Speaker 1: do in this situation. Well, when values compete, we can't
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  Speaker 1: honor both of them. We know that, and we certainly
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  Speaker 1: can't honor them perfectly in every moment, but we can
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  Speaker 1: respond intentionally, and that is key. So choosing the behavior
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  Speaker 1: that best fits the context, not one that ticks the
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  Speaker 1: most boxes or makes everyone happy or avoids discomfort. So
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  Speaker 1: here are three steps that can really help to really
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  Speaker 1: recognize what the value is and name that values that
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  Speaker 1: are pulling you. You know, I value doing great work,
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  Speaker 1: I value excellence, I value being emotionally available to my family.
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  Speaker 1: And then check the context. What's the big picture right now?
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  Speaker 1: What value needs your energy in this moment, not forever,
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  Speaker 1: but right now, And then you act in line with
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  Speaker 1: that chosen value, and knowing that the guilt is there,
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  Speaker 1: but not shining that flashlight of attention on that guilt
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  Speaker 1: because you're not portraying the other value. You're just making
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  Speaker 1: a conscious choice in this moment. And that's integrity, it's
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  Speaker 1: not failure. And here is the beautiful thing is when
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  Speaker 1: we live this way, we're not trying to do it
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  Speaker 1: at all. We're trying to do what matters with intention,
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  Speaker 1: one choice at a time. So you go into your week,
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  Speaker 1: just notice when your values are in different directions. You
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  Speaker 1: take a breath and pause and tune into that and
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  Speaker 1: really recognize and ask yourself, what is important to me
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  Speaker 1: in this moment? Why are these emotions showing up? What
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  Speaker 1: matters to me? And then you choose what fits the moment,
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  Speaker 1: Because your values don't really need to compete, they just
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  Speaker 1: need you to choose. So I hope that's helpful. Have
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  Speaker 1: a great week everyone, and I will catch you next week.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: See yeah,