Latest / This is Not Art Therapy (The Podcast) / Episode 10: Syd-Sode/ Friendship

Transcript

Episode 10: Syd-Sode/ Friendship · This is Not Art Therapy (The Podcast)

• 0:09
  powers of friendship ready let's go hello yeah
• 0:16
  what's up guys how are you hey john hey hey trying
• 0:20
  to get the nervous energy out so i think you
• 0:23
  nailed it thanks buddy thanks we have a very
• 0:27
  special episode for many reasons we have a lovely
• 0:32
  guest with us um we're we have two east coasters
• 0:37
  today which is exciting um of course we have
• 0:40
  john goodyear beloved co -host and um sounds
• 0:45
  like you're getting into beatboxing which is
• 0:47
  great yeah uh no that's that's that was a one
• 0:50
  -time thing was a mistake i'm done damn and we
• 0:54
  have the lovely do i do sid or sydney either
• 0:57
  or is fine i respond to both okay yeah sid sid
• 1:02
  is awesome Friend, counselor, friend to many.
• 1:07
  I feel like you're a great embodiment of friendship
• 1:09
  and community connector from our own experience
• 1:14
  together. So welcome, Sid. Thank you for that
• 1:18
  lovely introduction. I'm very happy to be here
• 1:21
  with both of you today. And to be talking about
• 1:24
  this, I love friendship. Yeah, this is going
• 1:26
  to be good. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy
• 1:28
  inside. Love it. Yep, I love that. The friend
• 1:32
  of so. Let's go for it. So I'll go over the art
• 1:38
  invitations for those who want to art along.
• 1:40
  And then we'll talk about the art that we made.
• 1:44
  So we have three for you this week. We have a
• 1:46
  buddy collage or creation. So make some art where
• 1:49
  your pals and buddies can all be connected in
• 1:51
  one space. Next we have switcheroo which is one
• 1:55
  of my favorite things to do with my creative
• 1:58
  friends is you have two canvases or like two
• 2:02
  pieces of paper two separate works of art and
• 2:05
  you just switch back and forth until you feel
• 2:09
  like it's done and then you end up having these
• 2:11
  two cool collaborative pieces that you made with
• 2:14
  your buddy and it's so lovely and it's cool to
• 2:17
  see how you can share space. and what you can
• 2:20
  make together and lastly we have bestie bracelets
• 2:23
  or a badge you can make your friend a bracelet
• 2:27
  for them a little badge I love the idea of making
• 2:31
  a buddy badge I might get into that oh buddy
• 2:34
  badges are awesome I actually have a few buddy
• 2:36
  badges uh through like my experience in the military
• 2:39
  we used to switch badges with other countries
• 2:41
  or other friends from different units and uh
• 2:43
  yeah that's such a man I can't believe we're
• 2:46
  into that but yeah buddy badge it Cool. It's
• 2:49
  a thing. I thought I was being original. I even
• 2:52
  love the name, Buddy Badge. That's great. Yeah,
• 2:54
  that's great. Right on. Sid, would you like to
• 2:58
  talk about the art you made? I would love to.
• 3:02
  Should I send it to the group, to the chat? Yeah,
• 3:06
  you can do that. That way we'll have a good visual
• 3:08
  and better understanding of the aesthetics being
• 3:14
  spoken of. Just as I'm getting this pulled up,
• 3:18
  I'll do my little preamble. So will that work?
• 3:24
  Yeah. Okay. So one of the things that I have
• 3:28
  started doing in my art practice is sketching
• 3:31
  spaces. So I don't know if you guys can see behind
• 3:34
  me, but I have like a few of my past living rooms
• 3:39
  drawn out. Oh, nice. And I have like the intention
• 3:43
  of sketching every living room that I will live
• 3:47
  in for like here on out. So yeah, so like the
• 3:52
  when I thought of friendship, I guess I drew
• 3:54
  this anyway. And I thought that it was kind of
• 3:57
  fitting for talking about friendship. So I don't
• 3:59
  know if you guys have pulled it up yet, or if
• 4:01
  you did have access to it. But I sketched out
• 4:04
  a patio space that a good friend of mine had
• 4:08
  he just recently moved to Montreal but he lived
• 4:13
  in this apartment building called the Velo here
• 4:15
  in Halifax and he had this lovely patio space
• 4:18
  where he was kind of like i guess like the beacon
• 4:22
  where we would all gather and like on nice days
• 4:25
  we would just like go and like hang out and like
• 4:28
  have a drink have a snack so um i drew his patio
• 4:33
  as like a little housewarming gift to him that
• 4:35
  i'll send to him when i'm i guess when i get
• 4:37
  to the post office at this point but yeah because
• 4:40
  to me like when i think about friendship like
• 4:42
  like a lot of it is just like spending time together
• 4:46
  and like having experiences and laughing and
• 4:51
  yeah, just connection, I guess. Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:56
  I love that this is art that you're going to
• 4:59
  give away like as a little token of the friendship.
• 5:02
  That's so beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Super nice.
• 5:06
  It's really nice looking. I think that's really
• 5:07
  sentimental to basically sort of make a memory
• 5:10
  of, you know, a space that you guys were in and,
• 5:13
  you know, shared. common things like just hanging
• 5:15
  out and stuff like that but it's the little things
• 5:17
  that actually kind of help out with your with
• 5:19
  your friendships because I think if we worked
• 5:21
  in went to like me and Linnea's old spot I don't
• 5:25
  think I could look in that spot and not think
• 5:26
  of Linnea as a friend there you know it's so
• 5:29
  much memories and time like you said spent in
• 5:32
  a certain space so yeah yeah it absolutely is
• 5:35
  yeah uh for I guess for my art piece um I'll
• 5:40
  show you show you the screen uh so We did a little
• 5:44
  collab, me and Anita. I went to Valley Village
• 5:48
  and picked up a frame that basically had a picture
• 5:52
  already in it. And we would spend five minutes
• 5:54
  at a time switching back and forth, just drawing
• 5:57
  with pens, certain things. So on here, I have
• 6:00
  a alien shooting into the side of a mountain.
• 6:05
  That was my first move. Her next move was to
• 6:09
  make sweet potatoes that are being made by a...
• 6:12
  salt lamp I don't know yeah I think it's a salt
• 6:15
  lamp uh my next one was the locknecks monster
• 6:20
  so it's just a weird little collab we're very
• 6:22
  different people and uh but I think it looked
• 6:24
  it turned out pretty nicely so yeah I love that
• 6:27
  oh thanks yeah a little dorky but a lot of fun
• 6:31
  Nessie Nessie yeah yeah I love the idea of like
• 6:35
  going back and forth like that and uh like collaboratively
• 6:39
  creating that yeah we just build off of each
• 6:41
  other's stuff so yeah yeah super nice yeah i
• 6:45
  love it and yeah there's just so many different
• 6:49
  parts to it and you really have to be sensitive
• 6:52
  to and in tune to what the other person is doing
• 6:55
  and kind of it's it's a silent conversation yeah
• 6:59
  almost which is very neat yeah what i've liked
• 7:03
  about these podcasts so far is like so uh anita
• 7:07
  just started drawing well she was drawing before
• 7:09
  she was a pretty good artist I guess and then
• 7:12
  she uh the more I've been doing it the more she
• 7:15
  she'll be drawing and I'm now watching her like
• 7:17
  grow as an artist too it's pretty cool so yeah
• 7:20
  yeah a big intention behind the podcast was to
• 7:25
  get other people to make art yeah so but also
• 7:29
  one of the hidden things is that the friends
• 7:32
  who are listening to the podcast are like talk
• 7:34
  well at least I can speak from my own experiences
• 7:36
  are like talking to me about it and you know
• 7:39
  they're like oh I made this art or like oh I
• 7:41
  love that you said this or whatever it's like
• 7:43
  it's yeah yeah it's been pretty sweet yeah it
• 7:46
  feels pretty grassroots but it is it's quite
• 7:49
  a nice feeling when you're talking to people
• 7:50
  I got a message the other day from a friend who
• 7:53
  I was like you've listened to all of the episodes
• 7:55
  I was like that's crazy like nine hours at this
• 7:58
  point so yeah that's it's cool it's cool to see
• 8:01
  you know Linnea, I would say that you have been
• 8:04
  a really big inspiration for me over the years
• 8:07
  to like explore my artist side and just like
• 8:09
  be creative. Right on. Sweet. Yeah, I remember
• 8:14
  being in your last living room and you having
• 8:18
  some of your art on the wall and I was just so
• 8:20
  impressed by your skill. Oh, thank you. That's
• 8:23
  very sweet of you. And I love that that's being
• 8:25
  fed. Yeah, yeah. I would say like in my new place,
• 8:30
  I am definitely like allowing myself to like
• 8:33
  put up more things because I think for like a
• 8:35
  little while I felt a little bit like conscious
• 8:37
  of it or self -conscious, I guess I should say.
• 8:40
  But I like that I'm just kind of just flowing
• 8:43
  with it a bit more. So it's I guess it's just
• 8:46
  part of the practice. Yeah. Yeah. It takes a
• 8:48
  while to get comfortable in a new space. So like
• 8:51
  I think we were saying off air, you've been here
• 8:53
  for like a year now. yeah yeah it definitely
• 8:57
  it does take time i i moved here four years ago
• 9:01
  but i had first it took a while for me to kind
• 9:03
  of just make my house feel like a home and it
• 9:06
  took basically the better part like when I just
• 9:08
  bought my spot I for some reason didn't couldn't
• 9:11
  let go that the fact that I was like I feel like
• 9:13
  I'm gonna get evicted somehow so I really wasn't
• 9:16
  decorating I didn't decorate for almost like
• 9:18
  a year and a half I was just like it was very
• 9:19
  rudimentary right guy's house and now now it's
• 9:24
  gotten way better so as in just throughout time
• 9:27
  you just keep adding thing after thing and yeah
• 9:29
  eventually just becomes like a reflection of
• 9:32
  yourself I find yeah John, I think you did a
• 9:34
  really good job decorating your house. Oh, thank
• 9:36
  you. You've got some cool wallpaper and a lot
• 9:38
  of very unique, I want to say bespoke, but I
• 9:40
  don't think that's the right word. Just like
• 9:42
  a lot of unique pieces. You've really Johnified
• 9:45
  the place. Thanks. Johnified, love that. Yeah,
• 9:48
  yeah. Just through travels, just picking up little
• 9:51
  souvenirs and knickknacks. And the wallpaper
• 9:53
  was all my mom. So she's a true champion. Oh,
• 9:56
  Nancy. Yeah, yeah. I love Nancy. Yeah, the yellow
• 10:00
  kitchen was me, so. that was my move right on
• 10:03
  yeah um so john what does friendship mean to
• 10:06
  you uh i'd say like i mean i would i think when
• 10:10
  i was younger i'd probably say it was like more
• 10:11
  quality time of just spending time with each
• 10:13
  other but as you kind of get older you realize
• 10:16
  like it's just somebody who can solidly be there
• 10:18
  for you so like a friendship that like say like
• 10:22
  me and trevor uh we don't talk all that often
• 10:25
  but when we do it's basically like nothing had
• 10:28
  ever left and uh yeah I'd say just good consistency
• 10:32
  and I think like just feeling recharged when
• 10:34
  you're hanging out with somebody that's that's
• 10:36
  the best sign of a good friend right there yeah
• 10:39
  I really like that piece because the the right
• 10:42
  people will really fill us up yeah yeah and it
• 10:45
  can be hard to discern that I think growing up
• 10:48
  yeah you're just like more people doesn't mean
• 10:50
  better you know so yeah um not necessarily related
• 10:56
  to friendship but just kind of being mindful
• 10:57
  of like how people make us feel like I remember
• 11:02
  like my first few times where like I was around
• 11:05
  someone who like took energy from me because
• 11:08
  I guess if I'm thinking about friendship yeah
• 11:09
  a big part of it is like reciprocal giving and
• 11:13
  like taking and like energy and time and um like
• 11:17
  I guess a lot of different things but yeah but
• 11:20
  I the the time that I'm thinking about in explaining
• 11:22
  this is like being around someone for the first
• 11:24
  time I was like oh wow like I don't feel good
• 11:27
  after spending time with you yeah and then when
• 11:30
  you compare that to someone that you are really
• 11:34
  close with and you feel so like at ease and like
• 11:37
  at like happy and just like relaxed it's um yeah
• 11:42
  it can be quite a quite comparison yeah I find
• 11:45
  our time is so finite at this point like with
• 11:48
  a lot of people having a full -time job and a
• 11:50
  side job so like when you're going to hang out
• 11:53
  with somebody it should feel like a vacation
• 11:55
  basically versus the uh you can't always be super
• 11:58
  nice but it's like yeah i'm on on the same page
• 12:01
  when it comes to uh you know just somebody who's
• 12:04
  going to make you feel heard and seen you know
• 12:06
  yeah totally i love how you described one of
• 12:09
  your friends as the beacon like as you said that
• 12:12
  I'm like oh that is a special breed of human
• 12:16
  who can kind of bring I'm guessing it's someone
• 12:18
  who can bring people together yeah yeah he he's
• 12:23
  definitely someone who is like it was like a
• 12:26
  bit of a glue for our friends in Halifax and
• 12:28
  not to say that like people don't get together
• 12:30
  like without him and uh and all that but He's
• 12:34
  just like very easy to get together with and
• 12:38
  is kind of like always inviting people over.
• 12:40
  And it did help that he had, again, a very lovely
• 12:42
  patio for everyone to hang out on. But just like
• 12:46
  himself as a person was also very, well, is also
• 12:49
  very like, okay, everyone, like, let's get together.
• 12:52
  Let's do that. Let's do this. Let's do that.
• 12:54
  That sort of thing. Very connection -minded.
• 12:56
  Yeah. It's good to have people like that around
• 12:58
  because, and, you know, I speak from my own very
• 13:01
  introverted, biased experiences. that I'm not
• 13:05
  always going to be the one to gather people.
• 13:08
  But to have the people who are like, hey, what
• 13:10
  are we doing this weekend kind of thing or whatnot,
• 13:12
  that consistency, I think is very important.
• 13:15
  Yeah, I totally agree. Seems like a really good
• 13:18
  type of energy. Like, how do you come upon that
• 13:21
  more? As in, like, do you sort of build that
• 13:23
  up? Or like, is that something that's a learned
• 13:25
  behavior? Or some people just more inclined to
• 13:28
  be that way or need more people around? That's
• 13:30
  a good question. That is a good question. I feel
• 13:34
  like so far in life, I just stumble across people
• 13:37
  who are just very naturally skilled at bringing
• 13:39
  people together. And then I've also had many
• 13:42
  conversations with people where you can tell
• 13:44
  that it's a very intentional thing that they're
• 13:46
  practicing. And I would say that it's something
• 13:49
  that I do strive to practice because I can also
• 13:53
  be a little bit introverted and stuck in my own
• 13:58
  routines and finding comfort in my home. that
• 14:02
  sort of thing. But I do want to be intentional
• 14:06
  and spend time with people, but it is something
• 14:08
  that I have to practice and be mindful of. Yeah.
• 14:11
  Yeah. I like that. And I don't know, maybe this
• 14:16
  resonates with you, but I find as someone who
• 14:19
  is constantly talking to people as their profession,
• 14:22
  it can be hard to ensure that I still have energy
• 14:26
  to connect with people who aren't my clients.
• 14:31
  Yeah, I think like some days I definitely feel
• 14:35
  that. I think it also for me depends on like
• 14:38
  who it is that I'm hanging out with, because
• 14:39
  I can have a day where at the end of it, I'm
• 14:42
  just very tired and I can feel that I'm drained.
• 14:45
  And there's a part of me that like doesn't want
• 14:47
  to go to a social plan. But then I get there
• 14:51
  and I'm just around the energy of my friends
• 14:54
  and like I see their smiling faces and I'm hearing
• 14:58
  them laugh. It just, it makes it easier, I guess.
• 15:03
  I don't know if it's like tapping into an additional
• 15:05
  like energy source that I have or whatever. A
• 15:08
  second dessert stomach, if you would. Yes, exactly.
• 15:12
  Yeah. I love that. Yeah. But then, yeah, other
• 15:16
  days I'm like, okay, well, I really, I just need
• 15:18
  to be alone. Yeah. The two wolves that we have
• 15:22
  inside of us. the introverted and the extroverted
• 15:26
  yeah totally um what are some values that you
• 15:31
  admire in your friends or qualities I don't know
• 15:34
  somebody who I can just have a good joke with
• 15:36
  laugh around and um yeah just um being able to
• 15:40
  like someone I can just bounce ideas off of because
• 15:42
  like I find myself as somebody who like plans
• 15:45
  a lot of things for the future And my one really
• 15:48
  good friend, Brent, he is kind of like that too.
• 15:51
  And we find ourselves just always kind of planning
• 15:54
  and plotting things to like, what's your next
• 15:57
  business venture? What's your next project that
• 15:59
  you're working on? And sometimes it's really
• 16:01
  hard to just stay in the moment. But I like that
• 16:04
  we kind of build this world in our heads when
• 16:06
  we're just talking about these things. And then
• 16:07
  to see them come into fruition is great. And
• 16:10
  we're like, all right, we accomplished this.
• 16:12
  And then they're like, well, now what? And then
• 16:14
  we kind of just. start world building again.
• 16:17
  And yeah, I think just somebody who can be creative
• 16:21
  with me and just, you know, let us both sort
• 16:25
  of ramble back and forth is pretty sweet. Yeah.
• 16:29
  Someone who kind of fans your flames and encourages
• 16:31
  you to be your most authentic self. Dare I reference
• 16:34
  our last episode? Yeah. Linnea, what do you value
• 16:40
  in a friend? I was looking over these questions
• 16:43
  earlier and one of the things I said was consistency.
• 16:46
  And then I realized I do not bring consistency
• 16:48
  to the table. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not that I
• 16:55
  prefer creative people, but I often, a lot of
• 16:58
  my social gatherings often involve arts and crafts
• 17:03
  and some sort of creative process. um maybe as
• 17:08
  someone who doesn't always like to talk so to
• 17:10
  have art as a fallback or even if I'm going to
• 17:14
  a friend's house and like oh let's you know watch
• 17:16
  tv or whatever I'm like okay but I'm gonna bring
• 17:18
  my crafts yeah yeah um I have I have this one
• 17:22
  friend who's uh he's the biggest introvert I've
• 17:26
  ever met and um he's it's crazy because we're
• 17:30
  we're we're good friends but our only thing is
• 17:33
  work like that is as in a strange way like we
• 17:37
  it's just satisfying to work next to him like
• 17:39
  he's just a very efficient dude and um so like
• 17:43
  if there's like a problem it's our best times
• 17:46
  is is like problem solving and figuring things
• 17:48
  out like something simple like actually like
• 17:51
  the other day we were ended up putting installing
• 17:53
  a roof rack on my car because we just got a uh
• 17:55
  a small little boat so we can go out like hopping
• 17:58
  around on the islands and uh just i was like
• 18:01
  this roof rack is impossible but only like his
• 18:04
  little brilliant mind could just kind of look
• 18:06
  at it and be like no no we don't need a blueprint
• 18:08
  we need no map we'll just like logically put
• 18:10
  this thing together and i'm like oh my god dude
• 18:12
  like how are you thinking in 3d all the time
• 18:14
  but it's it's something i really admire about
• 18:17
  him but if i was like hey man you want to watch
• 18:18
  the game he'd be like no I can't, we'll not do
• 18:21
  it, you know, but yeah, just one of those. So
• 18:25
  there's like time and space specific friends,
• 18:27
  like friends that you'll go to for certain things.
• 18:30
  Like if I have good news, there's certain friends
• 18:33
  I can go to and certain friends I can't go to
• 18:35
  because they might not, you know, meet me with
• 18:37
  the enthusiasm that I need them to meet. So yeah.
• 18:40
  Yeah. There's roof rack friends and their sports
• 18:42
  friends and, you know, many other types of friends.
• 18:45
  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, when I was thinking about
• 18:50
  this question, I was coming up with the same
• 18:54
  sort of idea of like, yeah, there are certain
• 18:56
  people in my life where like, I, I have a lot
• 18:59
  of fun with them. And we do certain activities.
• 19:02
  And then there's other people where I still like
• 19:04
  that is part of our relationship or like our
• 19:06
  dynamic. But there's also like added components
• 19:09
  of like vulnerability or just like more intentional
• 19:14
  checking in and kind of like talking about. the
• 19:18
  the deeper stuff of life and I appreciate both
• 19:22
  so much because I feel like if you had all for
• 19:25
  me anyway I guess like if I had all fun then
• 19:28
  I would feel like the the deeper part of it was
• 19:31
  lacking and then if I was just like talking about
• 19:34
  deep stuff all the time then I'd be I'd be really
• 19:37
  tired to be honest so like for me I need to have
• 19:40
  like a bit of that balance yeah yeah that's so
• 19:42
  true vulnerability can be exhausting and to to
• 19:46
  kind of balance that out within friendships that
• 19:49
  makes total sense yeah if you're too introspective
• 19:52
  all the time that could be exhausting for somebody
• 19:54
  to basically be like I don't have spoons for
• 19:56
  that basically like I can't I can't take on any
• 19:58
  more of of this thing or but I mean it's also
• 20:01
  important to be able to take on a little bit
• 20:03
  of it but yeah yeah just depending on what that
• 20:06
  person might be going through so it's it's like
• 20:08
  important to be sort of mindful for that kind
• 20:10
  of stuff so yeah totally with these sorts of
• 20:14
  things i also think about the idea of it takes
• 20:17
  a village to care for people yeah yeah and if
• 20:21
  we're going through like hard times it's good
• 20:24
  to have a lot of people to fill up your cup and
• 20:27
  for you to be that for them too yeah yeah one
• 20:30
  of many cups yeah yeah I feel like recently I've
• 20:35
  had so many people take, come out of the woodwork
• 20:37
  and like take care of me after, uh, I had, I
• 20:40
  had a, I recently went through a surgery, uh,
• 20:42
  ankle reconstruction surgery. So I was pretty
• 20:44
  much like bedridden and that's kind of how I
• 20:46
  got into art was doing, uh, just having all this
• 20:50
  extra spare time on my hands, but being able
• 20:52
  to have friends and family around who were able
• 20:54
  to come in and visit and just check in and like,
• 20:57
  just make food and like do these. like these
• 20:59
  great acts of service like I'm just always gonna
• 21:02
  like feel like I'm forever indebted to these
• 21:04
  guys and like I'm actually glad to be because
• 21:07
  like if they ever go through anything like that
• 21:08
  I'd love to be able to be somebody that they
• 21:10
  could kind of call upon too you know so totally
• 21:14
  yeah yeah and some dependability there for sure
• 21:17
  yeah oh dependability is a big thing in friendship
• 21:20
  I find like it's it's tough like with social
• 21:24
  media I feel like I've sort of dropped off a
• 21:25
  little bit but like that doesn't really necessarily
• 21:27
  mean that like I'm not as active a friend I don't
• 21:31
  know but like I feel like I'd way prefer a phone
• 21:34
  call over texting any day of the week for check
• 21:37
  -ins yeah and it's interesting as we're all about
• 21:41
  the same age and we saw the rise of social media
• 21:45
  and I guess we can kind of speak to like how
• 21:48
  friendships might have changed due to the rise
• 21:51
  of social media yeah like yeah Yeah. Yeah. We
• 21:55
  all make friends in such different ways now.
• 21:57
  Like, how did you make friends when you guys
• 21:58
  were growing up? For me, it was like the neighborhood
• 22:01
  that we grew up in. Yeah. Like we are very much
• 22:04
  in a space where we would like go out after school
• 22:08
  and hang out with the neighborhood kids. And
• 22:11
  like, that's just who you spent your time with.
• 22:14
  Yeah. And then I remember like going into like
• 22:18
  middle school and it was all about like phone
• 22:20
  calls. And or like catching the bus to someone
• 22:23
  else's house and like spending time with them
• 22:25
  that way. Yeah. And then getting my first cell
• 22:28
  phone and oh, God, I don't know, maybe like like
• 22:31
  late middle school, I want to say. And then it
• 22:33
  was texting and. Yeah. You know, Facebook Messenger.
• 22:37
  And now it's a whole a whole bunch of other things.
• 22:40
  But yeah. Yeah. It was very like you spend time
• 22:44
  with people. Yeah. Yeah. I found for us, like
• 22:47
  we moved every couple of years growing up. So
• 22:50
  my mom needs to just kick us out the door and
• 22:52
  be like, just go knock on a few doors, which
• 22:54
  is like crazy now. Like now that's an insane
• 22:59
  thing to do. But like for us, she was like, we
• 23:01
  don't know this neighborhood at all, but just
• 23:03
  go knock on everybody's door down the street.
• 23:05
  And if there's kids your age, you guys will just
• 23:07
  be friends. And like, that's kind of how it worked.
• 23:10
  Yeah. That is unheard of. Yeah. Not now. Yeah.
• 23:15
  So, and Hotmail. When we got to high school,
• 23:17
  Hotmail was definitely pretty in. yes oh my gosh
• 23:20
  i forgot all about msn too oh yeah big time that
• 23:25
  was the best watching people type as a dyslexic
• 23:28
  kid this is awesome yeah very cool um what about
• 23:36
  you How did you make friends? Yeah. My first
• 23:40
  reaction was I didn't. I guess I had school friends.
• 23:45
  I think I was in this tricky boat of I went to
• 23:48
  school in the city, but on the weekends I was
• 23:53
  out in the country at my mom's house. So it was
• 23:55
  like, if I wanted to see my friends, it wasn't
• 23:58
  like I could just take the bus. I had to like
• 24:00
  get a drive in. So I became really good at hanging
• 24:05
  out with myself. which is, I think, a life skill.
• 24:09
  It is. Yeah. Be comfortable with yourself. That's
• 24:12
  actually pretty rare. Yeah. I might've gotten
• 24:14
  too comfortable with that though. So I am trying
• 24:16
  to expand my friendship horizons. Yeah. You're
• 24:20
  breaking out of your shell. I like it in the
• 24:25
  shell. The shell is, yeah, it's cozy. So yeah,
• 24:30
  I'm working on it. There we go. How did the two
• 24:33
  of you make friends as adults? I feel like I
• 24:35
  talk about this or I hear this a lot, like with
• 24:37
  all the clients. Yeah. So we started off, we
• 24:42
  worked at the same company and we started off
• 24:45
  like we didn't start off buddies. Actually, we
• 24:48
  I'd say like kind of work co -work. Yeah. friend
• 24:53
  of me i don't know we were enemies at one just
• 24:56
  enemies it was more enemies than friends yeah
• 24:58
  it was more enemies than friends but uh i don't
• 25:00
  know we just i think because of being stuck in
• 25:02
  the same spot but in such a small spot we just
• 25:04
  ended up be in bud somehow Stockholm syndrome
• 25:08
  yeah Stockholm syndrome but then I I came from
• 25:12
  such a vastly different world from Linnea that
• 25:14
  like I was almost like I was pretty fascinated
• 25:16
  I was like how could somebody be so different
• 25:18
  from me and then we went right into a work environment
• 25:21
  that was kind of sort of me adjacents yeah and
• 25:24
  I found that she was she was like quite different
• 25:27
  and I was like what the heck and I was like I
• 25:29
  remember the younger me was like man I can't
• 25:31
  wait till another dude like me shows up and it
• 25:34
  just like as soon as she was gone there was another
• 25:37
  dude exactly like me and i was just like i fucking
• 25:40
  know you i already know i know i know what you're
• 25:42
  like i already know your whole your whole vibe
• 25:45
  and uh yeah then i ended up being like oh shoot
• 25:48
  and then we reached out and just sort of kind
• 25:50
  of were buds back and forth and would message
• 25:52
  back and forth but yeah it was a slow burn yeah
• 25:56
  yeah i love a slow burn yeah that's a great friendship
• 26:00
  now so and i yeah i think yeah be friend friending
• 26:05
  as an adult i think is one of the most mysterious
• 26:08
  concepts to me Because it's so easy as a kid.
• 26:13
  You're like, I also like the color blue. Are
• 26:15
  we best friends now? As adults, you know, we're
• 26:17
  a little bit more complex. I feel like a lot
• 26:20
  of people are often in jobs that don't necessarily
• 26:22
  reflect their values. So they're kind of just
• 26:25
  thrown into buckets of people who don't necessarily
• 26:28
  jive with them. So the concept of making friends
• 26:32
  as adults, I think, is really challenging for
• 26:35
  a lot of people. Yeah. And it comes up a lot
• 26:39
  in therapy as well. yeah um and i'm yeah i could
• 26:44
  imagine i mean i found for me to try and make
• 26:47
  friends because moving so many times and then
• 26:50
  coming back here i started a small business so
• 26:52
  that i had a reason to sort of get out there
• 26:54
  and start talking to other people right and uh
• 26:57
  i joined a few different like clubs and uh it
• 27:01
  was always strange because they'd be like what
• 27:02
  are you doing this weekend and you're like anything
• 27:04
  whatever the frick you're doing but in but on
• 27:06
  the uh on the outside you just basically oh not
• 27:08
  much man but you kind of like slowly kind of
• 27:11
  ingratiate yourself into into communal things
• 27:14
  i guess so i did a lot of polar bear plunging
• 27:17
  and there's a big group around here and i did
• 27:19
  a bunch of that and that made me a lot like a
• 27:22
  lot of friends and then hitting the gym a lot
• 27:23
  was was great because i have a lot of good friends
• 27:26
  at the gym that uh i don't know their first names
• 27:29
  but we have great conversations And we've never
• 27:32
  hung out anywhere outside of the gym. That's
• 27:35
  the space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Moving to Ottawa.
• 27:42
  Oh, gosh, like seven years ago now. Yeah. I only
• 27:45
  knew a few people when I got there. And so I
• 27:50
  was 24 at the time and like had just left a bunch
• 27:55
  of friends that I had hung out with for forever
• 27:58
  in Halifax. Yeah. And I had like no idea how
• 28:03
  to make friends. I guess like I just kind of
• 28:06
  hung out with my partner at the time and the
• 28:08
  people that we knew. And then I started working
• 28:11
  at a coffee shop and that's how I met a few people.
• 28:15
  And I was very lucky that I was able to like
• 28:17
  work in a space where that's where there was,
• 28:20
  you know, like -minded people and like we shared
• 28:23
  values and we had similar interests and that
• 28:25
  sort of thing. But I also remember going to because
• 28:28
  I tried like a rec sport, I decided to play badminton.
• 28:33
  And I went to the first meeting. And there was
• 28:36
  this group of people. And we ended up like having
• 28:38
  a conversation. And it turned out that they were
• 28:40
  all from the East Coast. And we had like this
• 28:43
  shared sort of camaraderie of like, okay, here
• 28:46
  we are like East Coasters out in Ontario. Um,
• 28:49
  who else is having a really hard time making
• 28:51
  friends? And we're all like, yeah, it's, it's
• 28:53
  kind of hard to make friends here. Um, but after
• 28:56
  a while, yeah, you just, I guess like just with
• 28:59
  time and meeting one person who connects you
• 29:03
  to another person who connects you to another
• 29:04
  person, like it is something that definitely
• 29:06
  just like takes a bit of time and like patience
• 29:08
  and, um, like being intentional, I guess. Yeah.
• 29:12
  Oh, I like that time, patience and intentionality.
• 29:16
  How do you get over the first, I feel like I'm
• 29:18
  asking and some of our listeners might really
• 29:20
  appreciate it, but how do you make that jump
• 29:22
  from like social, like club or work to be like,
• 29:26
  do you want to do something afterwards? Or is
• 29:29
  that, is that, do you initiate that? Are you
• 29:32
  scared to do that? Or like, that's a great question.
• 29:35
  I'm just trying to think about from my experience.
• 29:39
  Yeah. For me, I can just fill one in if you want,
• 29:42
  but like I have a dog and that is a great social
• 29:47
  way to make friends. Totally. Yeah. He's totally,
• 29:50
  he's my. exact opposite he's a pug chihuahua
• 29:53
  and uh he's a goofy looking dude and he breathes
• 29:57
  really weird and uh he's a good conversation
• 29:59
  piece so that's that's kind of how i would do
• 30:03
  it be like oh i'm gonna do for like a little
• 30:04
  hike or go for a walk sometime this way and then
• 30:07
  kind of be like oh maybe there's like an opportunity
• 30:09
  for somebody to kind of slide and be like yeah
• 30:11
  maybe we should and then yeah yeah it's kind
• 30:14
  of like dating in a weird way friending is like
• 30:17
  dating friend dating yeah yeah totally totally
• 30:22
  this is kind of a different bit of a topic but
• 30:25
  i've one of the biggest things that i've stood
• 30:27
  beside when it comes to friendship over the last
• 30:30
  few years is to treat your friends like your
• 30:32
  lovers and your lovers like your friends so to
• 30:35
  not like deprioritize your friends when you get
• 30:40
  into a relationship yeah because yeah It's a
• 30:43
  very intentional relationship that does take
• 30:45
  work. Can we say it again? Treat your friends
• 30:48
  like your lovers and your lovers like your friends.
• 30:51
  Yes, exactly. Okay. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. oh
• 30:56
  man the guys at work are going to be so weirded
• 30:58
  out just going to come into the carpentry shop
• 31:04
  be like hello lover just like rose petals left
• 31:07
  by the table saw you're like hey it's up hr gets
• 31:11
  called immediately yeah yeah yeah yeah i suppose
• 31:15
  there's something to be said about the boundaries
• 31:16
  and that sort of thing but gonna immediately
• 31:20
  go punch anita in the arm No, I'm kidding. Yeah,
• 31:26
  that's great. That would be cool advice. So how
• 31:28
  do you, how do you expand on that? I guess. So
• 31:31
  for like with your friends. Bring it to the next
• 31:35
  level. To that next. Yeah. Like we're not just
• 31:38
  work buds, but we're like buds, buds. Like we're
• 31:40
  going to go to a party or something. Yeah. Well,
• 31:43
  I would say for me, I guess like the experience
• 31:46
  has always been just like repeated or not repeated
• 31:50
  time, but just more time together. And more shared
• 31:54
  experiences. So I'm thinking about my time working
• 31:57
  in the coffee shop and like I met a handful of
• 31:59
  people that I really clicked with. And there
• 32:04
  would just be like through conversation, talk
• 32:06
  of like going to some sort of event. And it was
• 32:09
  just like a very low stakes thing. Does anyone
• 32:12
  want to come with? How's everyone feeling? Maybe
• 32:15
  we should get a little group together and like
• 32:17
  go play pool or go for a drink or go for a walk
• 32:20
  or whatever it might be. So I guess, yeah, like
• 32:23
  I always started out with like very low stakes
• 32:25
  things. And I guess like I was also lucky in
• 32:27
  that that group of people would also be asking
• 32:31
  to do those sorts of things or there would be
• 32:33
  like staff parties and that whole business. But
• 32:37
  low stakes at first. work work parties are pretty
• 32:41
  great i think we talked about that last episode
• 32:43
  about people uh kind of opening up at a um we
• 32:48
  had a was our one work party at uh oh yes our
• 32:51
  old company and then that i didn't actually go
• 32:53
  to you didn't go yeah you didn't go to it but
• 32:57
  i got to hear all kinds of wild stories from
• 32:59
  all different types of people just because they
• 33:01
  had a few drinks and i was like this is so nice
• 33:03
  to see people just let loose in this environment
• 33:05
  so alcohol helps it's also made me think about
• 33:10
  like the different like roles that you have like
• 33:13
  with your friends or with like your work friends
• 33:16
  or with your family like you can kind of wear
• 33:18
  different hats depending on who you're with oh
• 33:21
  yeah or if you have friends from different bubbles
• 33:23
  and then the bubbles come together and it's just
• 33:26
  weird yeah totally yeah that's what I've been
• 33:30
  finding with this one we're getting cross streams
• 33:31
  of bubbles like me and you Linnea I like inviting
• 33:35
  some of my friends inviting some of yours and
• 33:37
  being like oh these worlds are all sort of colliding
• 33:39
  and watching people interact it's just so neat
• 33:41
  but that was something I used to kind of hold
• 33:44
  my breath about when I was younger I said oh
• 33:45
  no there's no way these two people would get
• 33:47
  along and then when they start interacting with
• 33:49
  each other it's just it's a neat little community
• 33:52
  world that you start building right totally and
• 33:57
  you know And like, I know that I have a certain
• 34:00
  vibe and my friends have a certain vibe. It's
• 34:03
  like a natural conclusion to kind of bring them
• 34:06
  together and be like, I think you guys would
• 34:08
  be friends. Yeah. It's such a kind thing to do,
• 34:13
  to like introduce your friends to your other
• 34:16
  friends. Yeah. It's like showing you your taste,
• 34:19
  right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like,
• 34:22
  here's this group of people that I love and care
• 34:25
  about. And I think that you'll all like each
• 34:28
  other too. Sometimes it works out and sometimes
• 34:30
  it doesn't, but that's kind of the luck of the
• 34:33
  draw. Yeah. And even if your friends don't necessarily
• 34:36
  get along, it's still, it's still a nice experiment.
• 34:39
  And then you're like, Oh, okay. You know, Stacy
• 34:41
  doesn't like Mark. Okay. This is noted. Yeah.
• 34:47
  Don't bring Stacy around Mark. I'll add that
• 34:49
  to the file. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. How can, we stay
• 34:56
  connected to our friends in this, in these trying
• 34:59
  times. I think for me, it really comes back to
• 35:03
  the idea of intentionality and being very intentional
• 35:08
  with how you spend your time and like how much
• 35:10
  time you spend with people. Because I think like,
• 35:13
  for me, like one of the biggest gifts that I
• 35:16
  give to people or that people give to me is like
• 35:18
  their time and their energy. Yeah. And so I love
• 35:22
  to stay connected by doing like check -ins, whether
• 35:25
  that be because I have friends that are still
• 35:27
  in Ottawa, of course. So like through messenger
• 35:30
  or like texting or like phone calls, or if it's
• 35:33
  friends here in Halifax, having like weekly check
• 35:36
  -ins, going to events, just going for walks.
• 35:40
  So it is like a very intentional thing for me,
• 35:43
  I would say. yeah it's like an investment you
• 35:46
  gotta yeah you you gotta put the work in it i
• 35:49
  hate using the word investment when it comes
• 35:50
  to friends but like it's it's that it takes work
• 35:55
  no it it is definitely work i i know that i appreciate
• 35:59
  my check -ins from my friends uh from like the
• 36:03
  past that moving so much with my career um it
• 36:07
  is it's it's actually like lovely when you when
• 36:10
  you're like oh i have a buddy who's they're sending
• 36:12
  me something you know just some meme or whatever
• 36:14
  and they're like oh i thought of you for this
• 36:16
  one and you're like oh okay cool you know it's
• 36:19
  it's nice to kind of keep that flame of back
• 36:21
  and forth like i i think with some dudes i have
• 36:23
  like our our whole thread is just nothing but
• 36:26
  reels And then every once in a while, one of
• 36:28
  us will just like pick up the phone and then
• 36:29
  you're like, okay, we're like right back at square
• 36:31
  one. So you're like, what happened with you in
• 36:34
  the last like two or three weeks or whatnot?
• 36:36
  And I think social media is like a great tool
• 36:39
  for staying connected, but it's also a bit of
• 36:42
  a curse of like looking and wanting and seeing
• 36:44
  other people's stuff or just getting wrapped
• 36:47
  up into the news because it's also melded now,
• 36:50
  which can also be very, very like. divide divisive
• 36:55
  because like you'll see people being like reposting
• 36:57
  things that you're like oh i don't agree with
• 37:00
  that and you're like i didn't know that Doug
• 37:03
  was like that or like you know you're like that's
• 37:07
  crazy be like oh dang like you you believe this
• 37:10
  news or you hear this or you share this type
• 37:12
  of stuff so you're like that's also different
• 37:15
  because you're just like you know we navigate
• 37:17
  our our friendships as in like how we talk to
• 37:19
  each other back and forth but then what you see
• 37:21
  what people present online or post online you're
• 37:24
  like that's two different totally different people
• 37:26
  and yeah I had was watching a few of my friends
• 37:29
  because of the last six years everything's been
• 37:32
  so like polarizing like you're like watching
• 37:34
  friend groups pretty much implode on themselves
• 37:37
  and then watch people kind of be going either
• 37:40
  far like in one direction or the other and like
• 37:44
  I've always tried to been like I growing up didn't
• 37:47
  have a ton of friends so I've always kind of
• 37:50
  kept it pretty neutral and like when it comes
• 37:52
  to stuff like that and like in a way you're just
• 37:54
  like like I can look at both parties of whatever
• 37:57
  and just be like oh dude we need to kind of just
• 38:00
  talk to each other in the middle and not just
• 38:02
  be like, like mouth open yapping and there's
• 38:05
  ears closed. Cause like that's the worst I kind
• 38:08
  of find. So yeah. Social media I found has been
• 38:11
  like a great tool to stay connected, but also
• 38:13
  like seeing an uglier side of people I find.
• 38:17
  So yeah. A lot of fair points there. Yeah. You're
• 38:22
  certainly making me think about the, the joy
• 38:25
  that comes with. sharing memes with friends and
• 38:30
  you know your sense of humor and you know the
• 38:33
  things that are going to resonate with them and
• 38:35
  they also feel that way about you yeah and there's
• 38:38
  just some real gems that are shared back and
• 38:40
  forth yeah yeah you have some good stuff I yeah
• 38:44
  what I value about John and I's friendship is
• 38:47
  that his memes that he sends to me are very different
• 38:51
  than all the other memes that might like Probably,
• 38:54
  yeah. I'll have other friends and they'll send
• 38:56
  me a meme and I'm like, oh, I've already seen
• 38:57
  that. But I'm like, oh, that's cool. But John's
• 38:59
  always fresh content. John's corner of the internet
• 39:02
  is very different than mine. And I think I, and
• 39:06
  it did cause some crunchy points when we did
• 39:08
  work together and we had different views on things.
• 39:11
  But I think as I mature and get older, I am able
• 39:14
  to value more people who don't necessarily have
• 39:19
  the same lifestyle and values as me. just for
• 39:23
  like a little bit of context i grew up like you
• 39:26
  know military house was in the military and then
• 39:28
  we had a pretty serious sort of job it was kind
• 39:32
  of serious but not serious like everything we
• 39:34
  had to do was quite like that and i found like
• 39:36
  linea was like like artsy and cool and out there
• 39:39
  and i was just like for me i was like that is
• 39:40
  so against the mold of everything that i know
• 39:43
  and i don't know if i can i don't know if i can
• 39:45
  like this but uh i i don't know i think i just
• 39:48
  started seeing the value in other like people's
• 39:51
  differences like so much more like as i got as
• 39:53
  i got older like i was just like oh cool like
• 39:56
  that's a weird way to look at something for me
• 39:57
  but then i'm like but i do see where that's you're
• 40:00
  coming from and i like that a lot you know it
• 40:02
  opens up your mind i find uh then just like kind
• 40:05
  of having the same like what i was praying for
• 40:08
  when we were working together being like oh i
• 40:10
  just want another me and then i got another me
• 40:12
  and i was like i hate this which might be a bad
• 40:15
  reflection on me you guys are both therapists
• 40:19
  so you can jump in and be like yeah maybe you
• 40:21
  should get comfortable with yourself a little
• 40:22
  bit more you were also young yeah we were both
• 40:27
  yeah we were both really young yeah yeah um what
• 40:33
  role have friends or friendship played in times
• 40:36
  of challenge or when things get kind of icky
• 40:39
  i like how john was saying how when you were
• 40:45
  injured and I guess you know that's kind of a
• 40:46
  planned thing yeah you know people would visit
• 40:49
  you people would support you you know that sort
• 40:52
  of thing is that is that something you asked
• 40:55
  for is that something they just knew to do like
• 40:57
  how did that come to be i i think it just kind
• 41:00
  of naturally came about like i didn't know how
• 41:03
  to outright ask people be like i don't know if
• 41:06
  i'm going to be able to cook meals for the next
• 41:07
  week and um like it just like i'm not asking
• 41:11
  you to make but like it just through our conversations
• 41:14
  it sort of organically came up because like they'd
• 41:17
  be like well what are you going to do when you're
• 41:19
  like laid up in bed for the next month and i
• 41:21
  was like i'm not quite sure but like so like
• 41:24
  but i knew i had like the baseline of like my
• 41:26
  mom and my sister so and then they all kind of
• 41:30
  connected which was great like a great sense
• 41:31
  of community to be able to connect and basically
• 41:33
  be like it would be greatly appreciated if like
• 41:37
  where there's like a gap here that you guys could
• 41:39
  come in and maybe help and uh that's what my
• 41:41
  friends kind of did they just sort of were like
• 41:43
  filling in the holes to make sure that i wasn't
• 41:45
  exactly going to get lost so forever like oceans
• 41:48
  of gratitude for that one you know What comes
• 41:55
  up for me when I think about this question is
• 41:58
  going through a pretty big breakup when I lived
• 42:04
  in Ottawa. And my good friends at the time, I
• 42:10
  guess actually when this went down, they weren't
• 42:12
  necessarily, we were really, sorry, what am I
• 42:15
  trying to say? We were good friends, but I didn't
• 42:19
  know the extent. of how deep our friendship was
• 42:22
  until the breakup happened and i i saw how much
• 42:29
  we like loved and cared about one another and
• 42:33
  they were there for me in ways that i i truly
• 42:36
  don't know how i would have gotten through it
• 42:37
  if it weren't for them and i can say that very
• 42:39
  very honestly yeah like i remember um i was driving
• 42:44
  one of them to work one day and he looks over
• 42:48
  at me and he goes sid like I know that you're
• 42:51
  moving because we were neighbors. He's like,
• 42:55
  I know that you're moving. And I just want you
• 42:57
  to know that like our friendship is in a phase.
• 42:59
  So it doesn't matter like where you go, like
• 43:01
  we're going to like be here with you. And, you
• 43:05
  know, we're going to be here. And yeah. And that
• 43:08
  meant so, so much to me, like at that time, because
• 43:11
  it was like a big, a really big change in my
• 43:13
  life. And I didn't really know how I was going
• 43:17
  to navigate it. And so they kind of stepped in.
• 43:20
  And in a lot of ways, it felt like kind of going
• 43:23
  back to that idea of like treat your friends
• 43:24
  like your lovers and your lovers like your friends.
• 43:26
  In a lot of ways, it felt like they were my my
• 43:29
  my partners in some capacity. And like because
• 43:33
  like we just did a lot of life things together.
• 43:35
  Yeah. Like we would all hang out together and
• 43:38
  we would talk about the hard things together
• 43:40
  and we'd make dinner together and we'd go on
• 43:42
  adventures together. And I yeah, I I really don't
• 43:48
  know what I would have done if it wasn't for
• 43:49
  them. yeah for me I would love that hearing that
• 43:52
  of like oh I'm in it I'm gonna keep showing up
• 43:55
  for you like to me that that would make my heart
• 43:58
  go all fluttery and gooey yeah I was gonna say
• 44:02
  the same thing I was like somebody to actually
• 44:04
  come out right and stay that is like that's a
• 44:07
  that's a lot of emotional intelligence to be
• 44:09
  able to say that to a guy or like to have a guy
• 44:11
  to be able to say that like yeah yeah I feel
• 44:14
  like I come from such a dude bro a dude bro world
• 44:18
  where guys can't really say that kind of love
• 44:20
  for each other but like we have we've all gotten
• 44:22
  soft as we've gotten older but like the younger
• 44:24
  us's would never have done that but like that's
• 44:26
  I was like that's a great statement but like
• 44:28
  yeah that's a sounds like a wicked friend yeah
• 44:31
  he's uh he's a pretty emotionally intelligent
• 44:34
  pal Yeah. Give him a phone call. Oh, we love
• 44:37
  that. Shout out to this guy. Shout out. Shout
• 44:40
  out, Dan. Yo, Dan. You fucking rule. Heck yeah,
• 44:43
  Dan. And Rachel, because I have to toss her name
• 44:46
  in there too. I know these people. Yes, you do
• 44:49
  know these people. Good people. Yes, good people.
• 44:51
  Dan would say that. He's such a, that's such
• 44:54
  a Dan thing to say. I know. I should also say
• 44:58
  that this extends to like more people in that
• 44:59
  front group as well. There is more than just
• 45:02
  Dan and Rachel, but they were like my. my solids
• 45:04
  for a very long time. They sound like great solids.
• 45:11
  That felt sense of having life situations kind
• 45:16
  of test a friendship. When I moved from Ottawa
• 45:20
  to Vancouver, somewhat impulsively, one of the
• 45:23
  biggest culture shocks of moving to Vancouver
• 45:27
  was the fact that before I was kind of working
• 45:30
  in a restaurant and very that was a big part
• 45:33
  of my social group to kind of leave all of that
• 45:35
  and realize that the people my bar friends or
• 45:39
  my work friends were not my real friends because
• 45:42
  the second I left I didn't hear from any of them
• 45:45
  and it was that big going from being very socialized
• 45:49
  to living in a city where I didn't know anyone
• 45:51
  it was such a that was probably one of the hardest
• 45:53
  parts of moving across the country that I did
• 45:56
  not prepare myself for yeah um so yeah I And
• 46:01
  then the people who did choose to check in on
• 46:03
  me, it was like, oh yeah, you're, you're a keeper.
• 46:05
  Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely something I've
• 46:08
  realized as you move, you're like, okay, this
• 46:10
  is like, not that anything is like, like you
• 46:12
  said before, like an investment, but you're like,
• 46:14
  oh, if, if you're not within the window, you're
• 46:17
  like, that's basically like, they're not going
• 46:19
  to show up. But yeah, there's a lot of check
• 46:23
  -ins I do with people that, because we've moved
• 46:25
  so much and those long distance friendships are
• 46:28
  great. But like when you actually do get to see
• 46:30
  each other, it kind of goes off and it's awesome.
• 46:33
  And I think there's something magical about the
• 46:35
  friends that you don't necessarily have to talk
• 46:37
  to every day, but you know, the second that you
• 46:40
  reconnect, it's like no time has passed. There
• 46:43
  needs to be a special word for that. maybe I'll
• 46:46
  make some art about it yeah make some art about
• 46:48
  it yeah I will I'm writing make art make art
• 46:53
  about um back to our questions oh how do we nurture
• 46:57
  connections with friends I'd say like a good
• 47:02
  for me what I found is is um common goals is
• 47:06
  something that's been really good like to just
• 47:09
  sort of have like a task in common that you're
• 47:11
  kind of working at and eventually kind of like
• 47:13
  it builds into other things but uh yeah like
• 47:16
  a shared shared experiences is definitely one
• 47:18
  so and that sort of consistency yeah yeah I think
• 47:24
  of the word curiosity of like being curious of
• 47:27
  our friends or the people around us but being
• 47:30
  curious I think is like my number one rule in
• 47:32
  life so maybe that's a cop -out of an answer
• 47:36
  no it's not a cop out or a reminder to get out
• 47:39
  of my own bubble of my own introverted bubble
• 47:42
  I can go like a while without and I'm like oh
• 47:45
  I should check in on my friends because that's
• 47:49
  what we do as adults good and healthy to be curious
• 47:52
  about your friends you know like what are what's
• 47:55
  like something that you could know like to basically
• 47:58
  know about your your friends like basically you
• 48:00
  know you can show up for them in other scenarios
• 48:02
  with you know Totally. Yeah, kind of like how,
• 48:07
  like with a partner, you might just get used
• 48:10
  to like the day in day out humdrum of life. And
• 48:14
  you have to be like very intentional with doing
• 48:17
  a bit more of a check in. It's like, okay, like,
• 48:20
  how, how was your day? Like, how did you actually
• 48:23
  feel about what happened in your day? Tell me
• 48:25
  about what happened with, you know, your co worker,
• 48:28
  Debbie, and like, how's that relationship feeling
• 48:30
  like that sort of thing? Like you? You also can
• 48:34
  ask about Debbie. Yeah. You can also do that
• 48:38
  with your friends too. I find sometimes I, I
• 48:45
  mean like we can, we can kind of just stay on
• 48:47
  the surface level and like talk about just, you
• 48:50
  know, surface level things, whatever that might
• 48:52
  be for everyone. But having that more, I guess
• 48:56
  just like remembering that the important things
• 48:58
  in someone's life and like asking about them.
• 49:01
  Yeah. yeah I like that um that kind of reminds
• 49:06
  me of something that happened over the weekend
• 49:08
  I'm part of an art therapy book club and I know
• 49:12
  one of the individuals of that book club does
• 49:14
  consistently listen to this podcast but I'm not
• 49:17
  going to name any names but it's just that like
• 49:19
  making space for one another and knowing that
• 49:22
  you need to be flexible and be supportive and
• 49:26
  I think Once you kind of lock into that level
• 49:29
  of friendship, there's that a new level of trust
• 49:32
  that can unfold and emerge. Yeah. Not that there's
• 49:36
  like hierarchy of friends, but it's just a new
• 49:40
  branch that gets to explore. I think that goes
• 49:43
  back to what you were saying before, where like,
• 49:45
  you know, there's certain friends you can show
• 49:46
  up with, with certain news. Like there are people
• 49:49
  you're like, oh, I got good news. I got to call
• 49:51
  Dave and just, yeah, Dave is going to exactly
• 49:54
  know how much I've been struggling with this
• 49:56
  one thing or working on this project or how much
• 49:59
  this actually means to me. And like, or like,
• 50:01
  if you go to Deb, you're like, oh, if I tell
• 50:03
  Deb, she's just going to relate this back to
• 50:04
  her somehow, you know? So yeah, yeah. I think
• 50:10
  that's a good way to do it. Yeah. And I think
• 50:13
  we do kind of subtly, I don't want to say test
• 50:15
  our friends, but like we're constantly getting
• 50:17
  a vibe check, especially newer friends of like,
• 50:20
  you know, how safe do I feel? How vulnerable
• 50:22
  can I be with this person? You know, how authentic
• 50:25
  can I be? And I think we talked about this in
• 50:28
  the last episode of like kind of slowly pushing
• 50:30
  the limit of your weirdness to see how much other
• 50:35
  people can hold. Yeah. Which can be fun. and
• 50:40
  scary i find most people embrace the weird like
• 50:44
  i think the weirdest side of me i think that
• 50:46
  i've kind of just showed up with with my buddies
• 50:48
  like they all kind of know who i am and that's
• 50:51
  great like i get to just authentically be myself
• 50:54
  like whether that's like playing dungeons and
• 50:56
  dragon or like because i really enjoy that oh
• 51:00
  shoot my chair just broke on me leaning back
• 51:03
  this is why we don't lean back in chairs you
• 51:06
  got too laid back i got too laid back my grade
• 51:10
  four teacher is having a field day right now
• 51:12
  if you're gonna break that chair oh so yeah no
• 51:17
  i don't mind uh yeah anybody can someone you
• 51:20
  can just truly be with is is great you know and
• 51:23
  just your weirdest self isn't that weird i'm
• 51:26
  gonna guarantee you you know more people are
• 51:29
  just more into it i thought fine so like humor
• 51:31
  and making fun of each other is such a big part
• 51:33
  of it i think my best friends make fun of me
• 51:35
  the worst like and uh we just we just rip on
• 51:38
  each other back and forth and like that's just
• 51:40
  such a nice way to do it you know for me anyways
• 51:44
  and i think it makes sense to do a bit of a vibe
• 51:49
  check. Like once you first start hanging out
• 51:50
  with someone to see, like, is this someone that
• 51:53
  I can be myself around? Or is this someone where
• 51:57
  maybe I need a little bit more time with them
• 51:59
  before like, I feel like I can trust them or
• 52:02
  I feel like I can show them like deeper or like
• 52:05
  more silly or like goofy parts of me. Yeah. Like
• 52:09
  it's, it's, I think it's okay to have those sorts
• 52:11
  of, um, walls, not necessarily walls, but just
• 52:15
  guards up. When you're first getting to know
• 52:17
  someone. Yeah. I like that. You can still see
• 52:20
  through, but they're, they're still there. Yeah.
• 52:22
  You know, you can't come at everybody with your
• 52:24
  full weird all at once, or then you're just gonna,
• 52:27
  you know, you're just going to alienate people.
• 52:30
  You're just, if I came up and started firing
• 52:32
  army memes at you guys right away, it would definitely
• 52:34
  be, you'd be like, what, what is, what is the
• 52:36
  vibe here? I feel like this isn't working. So,
• 52:40
  yeah. Cause we are so like, we're made of so
• 52:44
  many complex, different parts. yeah and you know
• 52:47
  certain parts are going to align with different
• 52:49
  people but for someone to kind of hold all your
• 52:53
  parts well might not necessarily happen off the
• 52:56
  get -go so yeah a good slow burn can be helpful
• 52:59
  a slow burn we circle back yeah yeah um callbacks
• 53:05
  are great how i'm curious about the concept of
• 53:11
  like friendship breakups as I feel like it's
• 53:14
  not really something that gets discussed a lot
• 53:17
  or maybe it does or just the idea that friendships
• 53:21
  change over time yeah yeah oh man friendship
• 53:26
  those are those who wants to go first are we
• 53:30
  just telling our best breakup story i'm just
• 53:32
  here crying in the corner okay i got the hot
• 53:36
  coffee ready let's go who wants to do this let's
• 53:38
  get it i think sometimes with friendship breakups
• 53:41
  it's not like a relationship breakup where there's
• 53:44
  an actual conversation that typically gets had
• 53:47
  but it's more like a general like a fade out
• 53:50
  fade out yeah yeah Yeah, I do know people. I've
• 53:55
  never, thankfully, been through like a really
• 53:58
  hardcore friendship breakup. I've definitely
• 54:01
  had the slowly fade out or just like fade out
• 54:05
  in general over time, which I mean, absolutely,
• 54:09
  that has its own sorts of like pains and stuff
• 54:10
  that come with it. But I do know of a few people
• 54:16
  who have had that more definitive, like we're
• 54:20
  no longer going to be friends. It sounded like
• 54:23
  it was such a painful experience for them to
• 54:26
  go through, like very similar to like a breakup
• 54:29
  with a partner where there is that kind of like
• 54:31
  closing out of, okay, like we're not going to
• 54:35
  be in each other's lives anymore because of X,
• 54:37
  Y, or Z. And maybe there was like the initiator
• 54:41
  and there was the one who was broken up with,
• 54:46
  quote unquote. Yeah. It just, it sounded like
• 54:51
  it was a really painful experience that like
• 54:54
  had to have its own sort of like healing and
• 54:55
  processing afterwards and like leading up to
• 54:58
  it too. Like the preparation of like, okay, like,
• 55:00
  is this something that I want to do? Do I want
• 55:02
  this person to be in my life anymore or not?
• 55:04
  Yeah. My dad and I were talking about this because
• 55:08
  he had a friend who he just, for lack of better
• 55:11
  words, he, yeah, for, he was, his friend was
• 55:14
  like his lover in this way. He had a friend who
• 55:16
  was a jealous friend. ah and so his his friend
• 55:21
  was a jealous friend okay who would who also
• 55:24
  like because my dad's a pretty social extroverted
• 55:26
  guy he's like he's a big jolly dude and like
• 55:29
  plays music he plays in garage bands and like
• 55:32
  he's really enjoying his retirement like big
• 55:35
  motorcycle guy he's very free right and uh but
• 55:38
  this one person who he he'd been talking with
• 55:41
  and hanging out with for a bit started like kind
• 55:43
  of just being like demanding a little bit more
• 55:46
  of his time and more of his time and my dad was
• 55:50
  like having a tough time saying no to being because
• 55:52
  like you're like it's I've never had to because
• 55:54
  he's in his 50s so he had his friendship breakup
• 55:57
  of basically being like I had to write this guy
• 55:59
  a letter to basically be like I'm sorry man like
• 56:02
  you alienate me from other people and like I'm
• 56:06
  taking up too much of my time so like and we
• 56:08
  went back and forth about it because I was like
• 56:10
  I was like are you sure like you there's like
• 56:12
  no way to really go around it and he's like yeah
• 56:14
  like we had a talk once and I was like okay So
• 56:17
  like you and this person talked about like how
• 56:19
  he basically would show up in a group and like
• 56:21
  not talk to anybody and just basically like turn
• 56:24
  to my dad and just like, just kind of taking
• 56:26
  all of his time and space. So he had to write
• 56:30
  him like a letter and like, he felt really bad
• 56:32
  doing it. And I was like, I kind of felt bad
• 56:35
  watching that happen. It'd be like permanent.
• 56:37
  Cause like. I think like the way you were describing
• 56:40
  it before, Sid, when you're like, oh, I back
• 56:43
  out of things or like not back, but like you
• 56:45
  slowly fade. Like you're like, okay, we're not
• 56:47
  going to just send each other messages all the
• 56:49
  time or like you won't respond to something like
• 56:51
  with like a smaller text and then kind of slowly
• 56:53
  backing out. Like that's a polite way to leave
• 56:56
  it because then maybe the flame comes back and
• 56:57
  somehow it works. But I was like, a definitive
• 56:59
  breakup sounds way, way worse. Like it could
• 57:03
  definitely be. harsh like i i had my own with
• 57:06
  i had somebody who was a bit of a i guess some
• 57:09
  for lack of better words is like what you would
• 57:11
  call like an emotional vampire i don't know if
• 57:14
  you guys have heard of that yeah yeah yeah so
• 57:17
  it's just like it's like you would just like
• 57:19
  i would leave the phone call or our hangouts
• 57:22
  basically feeling totally drained yeah and uh
• 57:26
  i i basically had to slowly just kind of like
• 57:30
  i slowly crept out of it but then i just was
• 57:32
  like i just can't like I just can't anymore and
• 57:35
  I'm like I'm really sorry and I feel bad for
• 57:38
  that because like I'm I usually like no man left
• 57:41
  behind with anybody almost but I think I was
• 57:43
  just like we're not in this scenario and I know
• 57:45
  you have other people so I'm like I feel like
• 57:47
  I'm not your last resort so I'm gonna just peace
• 57:51
  out for now you know yeah yeah yeah any sort
• 57:56
  of ending can be really challenging or present
• 57:59
  its own unique challenges with it because even
• 58:01
  if it is a slow sort of fade out there can be
• 58:04
  those questions of like what happened did i do
• 58:07
  something wrong like why aren't we talking as
• 58:10
  much as we did before yeah um i would i i certainly
• 58:15
  would not classify this as a friendship breakup
• 58:17
  but i did go through something with a friend
• 58:19
  um probably like two years ago or so now where
• 58:23
  we would have like a weekly check -in conversation
• 58:27
  we had started our businesses around the same
• 58:30
  time and so we we started connecting every week
• 58:34
  with the intention of just like talking about
• 58:36
  how work was going and how we were feeling about
• 58:39
  things and it kind of morphed over time into
• 58:41
  just talking about life stuff because we were
• 58:43
  both going through like some pretty big life
• 58:45
  changes at that time and like I can't even describe
• 58:50
  like how supportive this person was and like
• 58:52
  how um how seen I felt by our conversations and
• 58:57
  just like how we showed up for one another it
• 59:00
  was like really great and like after a little
• 59:02
  while like it kind of felt like like I guess
• 59:04
  we were we would do this for about like a year
• 59:06
  or two and then after a while it just I guess
• 59:12
  it it didn't feel the same as it did when it
• 59:14
  first started and we just had like this conversation
• 59:18
  where we just acknowledged that like things had
• 59:21
  shifted and like we played like a really important
• 59:23
  part in each other's lives and we don't feel
• 59:28
  like we like need the same sort of support as
• 59:31
  we did like when we first started those check
• 59:33
  -ins and so we kind of like just mutually agreed
• 59:35
  to check in when it made sense as opposed to
• 59:39
  having that more like structured kind of conversation
• 59:41
  and I appreciated that and there was definitely
• 59:44
  like a part of me when the conversation was happening
• 59:47
  where I was like, am I upset by this? Like, am
• 59:49
  I hurt by this person saying that they, they
• 59:52
  don't want to talk to me as much as they used
• 59:54
  to? Like maybe partly yes, but also no, because
• 59:58
  I, I very much get it and I feel similar and
• 1:00:02
  it all makes sense in the context of what's happening.
• 1:00:05
  So like having, because I guess like it could
• 1:00:07
  have been a slowly fade out until we don't talk
• 1:00:10
  to each other anymore, but, or not as frequently.
• 1:00:13
  But we like set aside the time to like have that
• 1:00:16
  conversation and I really appreciated it. Yeah.
• 1:00:18
  It sounds like it was mutual. Yeah. So that,
• 1:00:21
  yeah, that's, that's, that's definitely better
• 1:00:23
  to kind of be like, okay, we've both grown as,
• 1:00:25
  as individuals and now we're just kind of go
• 1:00:28
  our separate ways. And like you said, it's nice
• 1:00:30
  that you kind of left the door open for like,
• 1:00:31
  Hey, I might need this or, you know, we can come
• 1:00:36
  back in our lives and the door is not necessarily
• 1:00:38
  closed. Yeah. It's definitely not closed. I would
• 1:00:41
  say it's. It's a different door. It's a screen
• 1:00:44
  door. Yeah. The wind is still blowing through.
• 1:00:47
  I can still see, they can still see. It's all
• 1:00:49
  good. Yeah. I like that preciousness of like,
• 1:00:53
  you really don't know how long someone's going
• 1:00:57
  to stay in your life. Yeah. And you can't predict
• 1:01:00
  that. No. You know, there are certain people
• 1:01:03
  I thought were going to be in my lives forever.
• 1:01:04
  And some of them have stuck, but again, forever
• 1:01:07
  is also. in the future yeah and you just never
• 1:01:11
  know you can't really predict this stuff yeah
• 1:01:13
  I think we just have to appreciate when people
• 1:01:17
  are there yeah and yeah yeah appreciate the time
• 1:01:22
  just be present for it I guess totally yeah just
• 1:01:25
  be in the moment with it which is these are all
• 1:01:28
  such good reminders for me to be living so I'm
• 1:01:32
  taking notes I'm writing this down it's important
• 1:01:35
  I love that um what do we seek in friendships
• 1:01:40
  now and has is what you're looking for now in
• 1:01:44
  friendship changed over the years oh yeah 100
• 1:01:48
  i'd say a lot of things have definitely changed
• 1:01:52
  for me like i found when i was younger like i
• 1:01:54
  said i didn't have a ton of friends growing up
• 1:01:57
  when i was young and then joining the army a
• 1:01:59
  lot of guys just were like okay we're here we're
• 1:02:01
  just gonna party and that was essentially it
• 1:02:04
  because we were all so young like as you know
• 1:02:06
  early 20s or i was 20 when i joined so like we
• 1:02:09
  just wanted to party and had like very like surface
• 1:02:13
  level conversations but then after a while you
• 1:02:16
  kind of just start to get to know each other
• 1:02:18
  better and you realize what type of person and
• 1:02:21
  individual that is and I find now it's just I'm
• 1:02:24
  looking for friendships that are like good and
• 1:02:26
  meaningful you know like when when we're there
• 1:02:29
  I just want to be present and you know be there
• 1:02:32
  for them if I need anything like or they if they
• 1:02:35
  need anything I can just sort of be there for
• 1:02:37
  them you know yeah that meaningful piece I think
• 1:02:40
  is yeah rings true for me as well yeah likewise
• 1:02:44
  yeah so I feel like oh go ahead Um, I was just
• 1:02:49
  going to say, like, I, I echo a lot of what you
• 1:02:52
  said, John, in that, like at an earlier point
• 1:02:55
  in time, like a friendship might have like felt
• 1:02:58
  different or like we, we did different things
• 1:03:00
  together or like it served a different purpose
• 1:03:02
  maybe is what I want to say. Like there was maybe
• 1:03:05
  like going out and drinking or partying. And
• 1:03:11
  as I've gotten older, like I still like to do
• 1:03:14
  those things with. the, with the people that
• 1:03:16
  I have in my life. But I, I also recognize that
• 1:03:19
  I need something a little bit more now. Yeah.
• 1:03:23
  I mean, good drunk talks are great. Oh, you can
• 1:03:26
  get beat them. It's pretty sweet. I do love a
• 1:03:31
  good drunk talk too. I was on an Island with
• 1:03:35
  like me and my one buddy. And like, he's now
• 1:03:39
  joined the air force and it's like a helicopter
• 1:03:40
  pilot now and doing all kinds of cool stuff.
• 1:03:43
  and uh we were having some great deep chats and
• 1:03:45
  then there was like these two younger dudes who
• 1:03:47
  just showed up at like a campfire they're like
• 1:03:48
  hey what's up bros and like they're like really
• 1:03:51
  young and um but like really funny and like we
• 1:03:53
  were all you know drinking and i was like our
• 1:03:55
  conversation just was about our jobs and how
• 1:03:59
  much we like them and like what kind of like
• 1:04:01
  stuff they do like we all work in the trades
• 1:04:03
  and i find a lot of trades guys are pretty happy
• 1:04:06
  like monday through friday just sort of working
• 1:04:08
  in their own little worlds and then like just
• 1:04:10
  live for the weekend so like we had caught these
• 1:04:13
  guys like in the weekend and like they're just
• 1:04:15
  hilarious but you know these guys aren't going
• 1:04:18
  to be dudes coming to your thanksgiving but my
• 1:04:19
  buddy jeremy definitely will be but i was like
• 1:04:22
  this is a great way to it was like this is a
• 1:04:23
  great way to hit it off it's like just uh i don't
• 1:04:26
  know what to say here's awkward silence have
• 1:04:27
  a beer and just kind of roll from there you know
• 1:04:30
  yeah absolutely linea what are your thoughts
• 1:04:33
  on this question i forgot what the question was
• 1:04:36
  how are i'm looking at the questions like which
• 1:04:39
  one was it um about how our friendship needs
• 1:04:43
  have changed yeah Yeah, I think, again, maybe
• 1:04:48
  in my 20s, it was more about like quantity, kind
• 1:04:51
  of growing up not having a lot of friends and
• 1:04:53
  then working in a bar. And then everyone's your
• 1:04:56
  friend when you work at a bar. Yeah. And then
• 1:04:58
  so going from few friends to having a lot of
• 1:05:01
  friends. And I think the pendulum has shifted
• 1:05:03
  back to like, oh, I think I just need a few good
• 1:05:06
  ones. Yeah. And that vulnerability word keeps
• 1:05:09
  on coming up for me of like mutual vulnerability.
• 1:05:13
  That like being able to share things in a meaningful
• 1:05:16
  way that feels way more important to me than
• 1:05:20
  the arts and crafts, really, if I think about
• 1:05:22
  it. But arts and crafts can be found in vulnerability
• 1:05:24
  or vice versa. I find the arts and crafts has
• 1:05:28
  been such a nice way to connect with people,
• 1:05:30
  you know, like it's a good joiner. Like I like
• 1:05:33
  that we have shared mutual projects, right? And
• 1:05:35
  like that's also involved Anita, which I think
• 1:05:38
  is a lot of fun and great to see that side of
• 1:05:41
  her. So like the arts and crafts stuff, it's
• 1:05:42
  basically just such a nice way to build like
• 1:05:44
  a little small community. I don't know how people
• 1:05:48
  live without arts and crafts personally. I did
• 1:05:52
  for a long time. Did you really live though,
• 1:05:57
  John? Were you really living? Were you living?
• 1:06:02
  Yeah, definitely was. Different style, different
• 1:06:06
  pace. Now I appreciate the subtleties of looking
• 1:06:10
  at cool stuff at Valley Village that I'm like,
• 1:06:13
  how can I make this my own? Maybe one more question
• 1:06:17
  before we wrap up. What role does accepting differences
• 1:06:22
  play in friendship? I kind of spoke to that at
• 1:06:25
  one point, but I'm curious of your hot takes.
• 1:06:28
  Maybe Sid can go. I should just assign the question
• 1:06:32
  to someone. No, it's okay. We want to hear from
• 1:06:35
  Sid. No, I was taking a moment to ponder that.
• 1:06:43
  Can you repeat it? Sorry, Linnea. No, that's
• 1:06:45
  okay. You don't have to apologize. What does,
• 1:06:47
  what role does accepting differences play in
• 1:06:50
  friendship or like how much can, how much wiggle
• 1:06:54
  room is there in that? Right. Yeah. I, I could
• 1:06:59
  jump in if you want. Oh, sorry. No, I think that
• 1:07:01
  I, my screen froze for a second. Okay. Okay.
• 1:07:03
  Yeah. Perfect. You can go though, if you'd like.
• 1:07:06
  Sure. Sure. So for me, I think like having. different
• 1:07:12
  friends now is something that i i really appreciate
• 1:07:15
  um i i'm a guy who kind of just sort of walks
• 1:07:18
  down the middle for it and uh like that kind
• 1:07:21
  of gets you flack from both sides of things and
• 1:07:24
  um i i don't know like i'm i just i like to see
• 1:07:29
  the perspective of how other people work like
• 1:07:31
  some of my buddies have kids and like they're
• 1:07:33
  very worried about like the future and the economy
• 1:07:35
  and where things are going and then I have like
• 1:07:38
  my other friends like Linnea who's like you know
• 1:07:41
  she's full -time like artist and therapist and
• 1:07:43
  like comes from that side of the world and I
• 1:07:45
  think it's it's cool you know like to basically
• 1:07:48
  be able to see your differences between your
• 1:07:50
  buddies like it says a lot about you if you can
• 1:07:54
  I don't know kind of be able to navigate both
• 1:07:57
  worlds like I never take it's pretty hard for
• 1:07:59
  me to take something personally you know so I
• 1:08:03
  never take it as if there's something totally
• 1:08:05
  different that I'm like oh that's not a problem
• 1:08:07
  for me you know but yeah yeah that checks out
• 1:08:11
  yeah yeah yeah I think it's I like the way that
• 1:08:16
  you you worded it Linnea like it what wiggle
• 1:08:19
  room is there like where is that wiggle room
• 1:08:22
  um because I think like there's a lot of good
• 1:08:25
  things that can come out of differences and friendships
• 1:08:28
  like I learn a lot from people that I'm very
• 1:08:31
  different from, you know, like I, we have maybe
• 1:08:33
  like some similarities, but there's also like
• 1:08:36
  really big gaps in terms of like maybe what we
• 1:08:39
  do or if we're more emotional versus more like,
• 1:08:43
  uh, like science, not scientific or like computer
• 1:08:47
  -based or like that sort of thing. Like it's,
• 1:08:50
  I don't know. Like I, I like seeing how people's
• 1:08:53
  minds work and doing my best to like not make
• 1:08:58
  any sort of assumption on what life is like for
• 1:09:02
  them and just being able to see like how they
• 1:09:05
  how they show up and how they kind of like navigate
• 1:09:08
  things and just like hearing their experiences
• 1:09:10
  like I I very much value that yeah yeah it takes
• 1:09:14
  many colors to make a rainbow yeah I feel like
• 1:09:17
  I'd get bored if all my friends were the same
• 1:09:20
  even though I do come from a very like queer
• 1:09:23
  crafty corner of the world and I forget that
• 1:09:26
  not everyone is that um and I'm reminded sometimes
• 1:09:30
  of like oh yes people are different that's a
• 1:09:32
  lot yeah yeah but I think what's cool like even
• 1:09:36
  within like the queer crafty corner of the world
• 1:09:38
  like there's still like so much variation of
• 1:09:40
  people there too yeah but I suppose like that
• 1:09:43
  a person from that community would be very different
• 1:09:45
  from like let's say you know a stockbroker who
• 1:09:49
  Yeah. You know, lives in a big city. Yes, exactly.
• 1:09:54
  Cash and checks and snapping necks. It's finance,
• 1:09:57
  bro. Yes. Any closing remarks about friendship?
• 1:10:05
  I love friends. Yay. Yeah. Friendship is so important
• 1:10:09
  to me. Yeah. Value your friends and give them
• 1:10:12
  either a forehead kiss or a stone cold stunner.
• 1:10:16
  Or treat them like your lover. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:10:19
  That's my closing remark. Treat your friends
• 1:10:21
  like your lovers and your lovers like your friends.
• 1:10:23
  I can't wait to go to work tomorrow and treat
• 1:10:25
  my friends like my lovers. They're going to be
• 1:10:31
  so surprised. One red rose for everyone. Rose
• 1:10:35
  petals for all you boys. Scented candles. Love
• 1:10:40
  it. i have a scented candle i have i live with
• 1:10:43
  a girl now yeah i can bring that yeah but i don't
• 1:10:48
  think i should have open flames in a wood shop
• 1:10:50
  yes how are we gonna work on this all right well
• 1:10:55
  we'll have to do this off air like what tips
• 1:10:57
  i should bring to be a better lover to my workshop
• 1:11:00
  friends yeah maybe it would also be good if i
• 1:11:04
  were to like like specify like the lover's part
• 1:11:07
  where it's like um basically it's talking about
• 1:11:11
  like prioritizing like spending time but like
• 1:11:14
  i do love like the riff of um yeah romance or
• 1:11:18
  real oh my god what's the word i'm looking for
• 1:11:20
  romancing your friends romancing your friends
• 1:11:23
  there's yeah but yes absolutely we can romance
• 1:11:26
  our friends too but maybe there's boundaries
• 1:11:27
  around what that looks like yes and yeah there's
• 1:11:30
  some conversations i'm showing up with ice cream
• 1:11:34
  cake yeah ice cream boys yeah i love that mad
• 1:11:40
  respect um do we want to share the songs that
• 1:11:43
  we will be contributing to the playlist oh yeah
• 1:11:46
  yeah yeah i gotta look mine out it's uh do we
• 1:11:50
  do this every time and it's always it's always
• 1:11:53
  something new i'll go first since i have it written
• 1:11:56
  down yes okay uh about a girl by nirvana cool
• 1:12:00
  uh mariana cross by uh the 13 commandments Okay.
• 1:12:06
  Mine is Hang Loose by Alabama Shakes. I haven't
• 1:12:11
  heard of that one yet. Okay. Alabama Shakes.
• 1:12:14
  Beautiful. Well, our playlist is going to be
• 1:12:16
  so dope. It's so great already. I can't wait
• 1:12:19
  to hear your new one. Thank you so much for being
• 1:12:22
  a guest, Sydney. This was really nice. Thank
• 1:12:24
  you so much for having me. It was very lovely
• 1:12:25
  to be invited into your space and to get to witness
• 1:12:29
  the friendship that is John and Linnea. Yeah.
• 1:12:33
  I love it. It's a great time. Yeah, right on.
• 1:12:35
  Glad you could be part. Thank you. Sweet. Bye,
• 1:12:38
  listeners. Thanks for listening. Yeah. Au revoir.
• 1:12:42
  Oh, wait. Vios candias. Ooh. Yes, we're trying
• 1:12:46
  to be trilingual. Trilingual. Okay. Yeah.