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Why tough times can actually help you WIN! · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is one thing all great men and women of history have in common.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like oxygen to a fire, obstacles become fuel for a blaze that was their ambition.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing could stop them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: They were and continue to be impossible to discourage or contain.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Every impediment only served to make the inferno within them burn with greater ferocity.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is a clip from The Obstacle is the way.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to be using a few more of those quotes today because today is all about the challenge and how we can reframe challenge to become the reason that we become as successful as we wish.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, you know what to do.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Beam On Lobster podcast.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're talking specifically about challenge.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like in every episode, to some degree, we're talking about challenge in one way or another, but today we're going in direct.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious about who you are in a challenge.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And wonder whether you can see that who you are in a challenge really does determine not just the result but your entire life experience.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: This year I've really been challenging my clients to do what they can to put themselves in the pinch.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: By that, like how can they challenge themselves?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: How can they choose the challenge?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: What can they set themselves up for?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Where they know there is going to be a pinch because in the pinch, that's where the change really happens.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the growth becomes evidence in that level of pressure.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are some clients that I have that their the primary thing is creating somatic safety in their body.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, what can also be true is that I want them to be able to create the safety even in the pinch because eventually that pinch is going to be something that's that's going to be in their life the whole time.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're running a business, there's always going to be a be a pinch.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about what that pinch looks like for you, what it feels like for you, how you're framing that.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to give you some reasons why being in the pinch is absolutely the most beneficial place that you can be.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And fundamentally, the biggest thing is that it increases your ability, your capacity to hold emotions, to hold the emotions of uncertainty, of fear, of pain, of frustration, of disappointment, of all those emotions that don't feel great, but they're all just part of this rip risk.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, my teeth today, this rich tapestry of not just business, but of life.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to be life experiences that are going to bring you to your knees.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that I've really learned this year is like I still get to choose who to be in those moments.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And once we've learned to increase our capacity to hold those emotions, to hold those states, we then become rehearsed at being able to hold it and to act in it, to not feel the need to have to take a break or to work through it or to heal through it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like we can actually still keep moving.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: We can have momentum.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And let me be clear here as well.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that a momentum doesn't mean like it's not about ignoring it's happening, to not allow yourself the feelings.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Taking action doesn't always mean about forward orientation, being productive in the terms of creating output.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that sometimes it's going to be knowing what you need, knowing that you're going to need that time out.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: But to use that that time like responsibly, whether that means you know, going and taking yourself away on a holiday or being with friends that can lift you up, or taking yourself to therapy, or getting a coach, like actions different depending on where you're at and how you define it, and knowing exactly what you need.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not would be easy, but what you would need.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's also about teaching yourself that you don't have to regulate to calm.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can regulate yourself to hard.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is something that's massively missing in society today is all this talk of nervous system regulation.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know I do it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's part of my program, it's part of my inevitable program, is teaching people how to regulate.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it's actually teaching them how to regulate to the hard, in the hard.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm going to give you an example of this that's that that will that I hope will make this land.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Back in 2021, a month before my dad died, I was swimming in the lake.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was October, it was cold, it's about I think the water was probably about 12 degrees.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was wearing a wetsuit and I decided I wanted to swim a mile.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was on the last loop, and I started to feel like something's not right here.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt like I like my brain knew what was happening, but I couldn't get my arms to work in line with my brain.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to feel like tingling in my right arm, and I was like, I don't know what's happening here, but this doesn't feel good.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I probably need to kind of call for some help.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And do you know what the most embarrassing thing is I was embarrassed to ask for help, but that's another podcast episode, and I just remember holding on to my toe float and saying uh hello and like started waving at the lifeguard, who I don't know how many hundreds of metres he was away, but I was quite far out, and I was like just like hello, like I would not like help, help.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel like I was that desperate, but I was like, I I can't swim anymore and I need to get out.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Help, help.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so I'm hello, hello.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, the guy I see the guy sees me, he jumps down from his chair, he gets in a canoe, and somebody else gets the speedboat and they come out and they get me.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: A month later, my dad passed away.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I didn't get back in the water for quite a long time.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I certainly didn't get back in cold water.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, I didn't even get in my dunking tub in my own home.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, I was so dysregulated.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now my nervous system was very, like, let's put it bluntly, was shot to shit at the time, obviously for various reasons.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anywho, this year I decided I wanted to get back in the lake, and I got back in the lake, and um I was sitting on the edge of the of the lake, and I was like, I want to go in, and I want to go in in just my swimsuit.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought about it, I was like, it's gonna be cold, and how am I gonna feel and what's gonna happen to my heart, and what if I can't swim, and all these things were going through my brain, and I realized I couldn't regulate myself on the outside of the experience.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I had to get into the water, I had to feel the experience, and at that point I would have a choice.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I could get straight back out and put my wetsuit on, I could just swim a hundred metres and get out.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I could like do whatever I could, but I had to regulate myself in the condition, and this is something that I want you to experience.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so maybe now we're talking about how do we regulate ourselves to the challenge.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that I am talking about challenge like this today is because I did four hours of training yesterday, and there were a couple of things that really stood out for me.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love listening to different ways of hearing perspective of offering reframes.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Reframes and creating new context are so powerful in helping you feel better about something, right?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the guys that I was listening to that I liked about challenge was just reminding us that when, as a business owner, if you're still here and you're still going for it, there is a part of you that believes that it's possible, even though like most of the time your brain will tell you that it's not.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you would have quit.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: You'd have quit already.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you're still here, there is a reason.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that you're still here feeling all the hard emotions is like you should give yourself some credit for that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But what I loved about what he said was is oftentimes when we're in the challenge, we are desperately seeking the answer.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: We are looking for the answer that's gonna make us feel better, we are looking for the answer that's gonna get us a result more quickly.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: We are looking for the answer that's gonna give us a guarantee.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And like I say to everybody that I work with, like there's no guarantee, you are the guarantee, I make you the guarantee of your own success.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's my whole ethos around inevitable.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if answers are not the solution, then what is?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, conversations are the solution.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Conversations are expansive and they open new possibilities, they create new timelines.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he says about dropping what you think is currently creating the experience or currently or dropping your current model of reality so that you can create something new.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: You have to think outside of the box of your current model of reality, and that oftentimes when you are a business owner, like I work with women in business where their businesses are as are an extension and an expression of who they are, it's a passion, it is something that they love, it's something that's changed their life or something they've learned.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes, when we're doing that, we've never thought about being a business owner or an entrepreneur, so we don't have that identity, and when we don't have that identity, this particular uh mentor was talking about our model of reality comes from the consumer mindset and an employee psychology.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And the answers that we need as a business owner do not live in that model of reality.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: We are business owners, we are entrepreneurs.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And what went on from that was in listening to another mentor of mine who talked very similarly.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: She talks about having different identities in order to be successful.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: But what she said yesterday really landed in a different way around challenge.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what she said: she said that the reason that we magnify the pain of the challenge, why we make it feel so much more painful, is because we are making the challenge a result rather than part of the process.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: We see this experience of challenge, this discomfort, this pain as a result of being in business, of an end point of never being able to get away from that place.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like we make it a result, and the result is based on who we are, and so it comes with a ton of judgment.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: We judge ourselves for what we're not, or what we haven't created, or how far we've got to go, or how far we haven't come yet, or how you know we're running out of time, and how we know people that start at the same time as us and they're doing so much better than us, or why do we find it so much harder than everybody else?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you've heard that conversation go on in your head.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: So we increase the pain of challenge by making it a result rather than just part of the process.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: That being in business is a process of various different challenges.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, like, you're never gonna get rid of problems.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: You, you, your goal is actually to trade up your problems.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're stuck in right now, oh my god, it feels too overwhelming to post so on social media every day.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's gonna happen when you've got a team of staff?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or when something really, really big happens?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like this particular mentor of mine has just completely lost any ability to use Facebook ads or any ads, Facebook, Instagram ads.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: She has a multi-million dollar a year business.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: She's got two big launches coming up, and now she has no availability to use ads and has been told she'll never get those ads account back.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if she hadn't been able to get her head around posting every day, or dealing with the fact that she might get trolled at some point in her business, or how did she look after, bring up her family, and still show up for a business every day?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's trading up problems.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want your business to keep growing, to keep succeeding at every single level, and you want it to feel more enthusiastic and more exciting, and you want to feel like more purposeful and more certain in it, you've got to understand that challenge is all part of the is all part of the problem.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And let's face it, life is a challenge.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've just said, there's gonna be times when it's gonna knock you to your knees.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: But we're there's it's kind of like this feeling right now that like things should be easier, and you know what makes things easier?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Changing the way you think about things.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna give you another thing from the obstacle is the way.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: We blame our bosses, the economy, our politicians, other people, or we write ourselves off as a failure, or our goals are impossible when really only one thing is at fault.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Our attitude and our approach.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be one of my favourite ones.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's the Zigla that says it is not your it is not your attitude, but your attitude that determines your altitude.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're feeling resistance to this, I want you to ask why.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: What if that were true?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: How would that change for you?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I really gained from like losing my dad was that I looked at his mentality of what I know, of my perspective of his mentality.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what if I'd never what if I decided like I wouldn't let that grief be in vain?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: What if I used my love and appreciation of him and his gratitude for life and his his you know, his deep gratitude for his family and the life that he created?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: What if I used that to not see any challenge as something that would like squash me but would actually make me grow?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: What if I could see challenge?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: If I could see somebody go through cancer the way that he did and manage it with so much courage, um and and lived as you know into into every single last moment, then I owe it to him, if not to myself, to live that way when I'm healthy and young and vibrant, like almost like F that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going down that line anymore.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: This particular mentor that talked about like you know, challenge becoming um in increasing the pain because we see it as a result.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Also said that she chooses to see challenge as an initiation into a new identity, and that's the whole point.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's the biggest lesson I've had in business is that business isn't just about developing skill sets, that's just the bottom of the pile.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest thing that's going to determine your level of success is the identity that you adopt, the identity that you live from, the thoughts that you choose to have, the way that you choose to see things.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you another quote.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Obstacles are not only to be expected, but embraced.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Embraced?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because these obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and ultimately to triumph.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: The obstacle is the way.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to contemplate this as we wrap up.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: If we know and we expect challenge, and you know that the experience of challenge is defined by who you choose to be and how you choose to think about challenge in life, does it not make more sense to make challenge purposeful and powerful?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it doesn't, and you're feeling the pain of the challenge anyway, with disappointment or failure, or feeling disempowered because you don't like where you are and you want to be somewhere else, like that's a whole other level of pain, right?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: But also that level of pain is coming more from the fact that you're saying you can't do anything about it, and that the experience, the circumstance has to change for you to feel different.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: But what if the circumstance didn't need to change?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: What if the circumstance changes because you choose to feel different?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because you choose to embrace the challenge, because you believe in your sufficiency to manage it, because you're a resourceful human being, because it means nothing about you that you're feeling this challenge.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It means nothing about you.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if it is going to mean something about you, let it mean that it's because you're having a fully embodied human experience.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let it mean because you're putting yourself in an arena where other people won't.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let it mean that it's proof that you're you're you're challenging the status quo.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want you to ask if you was to describe the way that you view challenge, how will you choose to view that differently so that your experience changes immediately?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: What would you have to think, and who would you have to be to create that change today?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening, and I'll speak to you again in the next episode of the Bee More Love's The Podcast.