Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Best of 2023 #2 - #679 Managing Fatigue as a Parent

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Best of 2023 #2 - #679 Managing Fatigue as a Parent · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: once answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now, Well, it's almost Christmas time. We have two more
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  Speaker 1: podcasts left this year on the Happy Families Podcast before
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  Speaker 1: we take a break to spend some time with our family.
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  Speaker 1: In the meantime, though, what we've been doing this week
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  Speaker 1: is counting down our top five podcasts of the year
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: based on downloads. We assume that downloads is a pretty
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  Speaker 1: good metric or measure for how much these podcasts have
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  Speaker 1: meant to people and how they've impacted others. And number
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  Speaker 1: two podcasts this year, the second most downloaded podcast of
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  Speaker 1: the year, was actually all about how to manage fatigue,
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  Speaker 1: which might be useful at this time of year as
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  Speaker 1: we get ready to ramp things up for the silly
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  Speaker 1: season and then try to take a few days off
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  Speaker 1: to recover, recuperate, and enjoy family time. Please enjoy episode
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  Speaker 1: number six hundred and seventy nine, our second most downloaded
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  Speaker 1: podcast of twenty twenty three, Managing Fatigue. We've got a
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  Speaker 1: big topic today because I mean, holidays are supposed to
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  Speaker 1: be rejuvenating, they're supposed to be refreshing, But today we're
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  Speaker 1: talking about managing fatigue as a parent because parents are tired.
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  Speaker 1: Is there is there a better way to say that?
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  Speaker 1: Or is that about right?
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  Speaker 2: You know, I've been having conversations with lots of people
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  Speaker 2: about this lately because I am feeling exhausted. I feel
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  Speaker 2: like I've hit rock bottom in a way that I've
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  Speaker 2: never hit before. I can hear it in your voice,
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  Speaker 2: and there's just this acknowledgment that you know, we have
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  Speaker 2: been through some of the hardest couple of years, not
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  Speaker 2: collectively as a human race, dealing with just so much
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  Speaker 2: uncertainty and stress and anxiety around you know, COVID and
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  Speaker 2: jobs and you know whether or not there's enough food
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  Speaker 2: on the shelves at the shops. There's just been so
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  Speaker 2: much to deal with.
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  Speaker 1: And now we're dealing with the economic insecurity of interest
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  Speaker 1: rate hikes and so on, and all of.
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  Speaker 2: That insecurity and instability has taken a physical and mental
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  Speaker 2: toll on everybody.
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  Speaker 1: So I reckon, though, Kylie, that we were tired before COVID,
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  Speaker 1: Like I think part.
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  Speaker 2: Of the condition as a parent specifically, I mean, I
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  Speaker 2: think tiredness is across the board. Everybody. Everybody experiences it
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  Speaker 2: to some level, but as a parent. I think that
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  Speaker 2: you know you sign up for a lifetime.
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  Speaker 1: So do you remember when we had little kids? Do
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  Speaker 1: you remember how how tiring it was when we had
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  Speaker 1: kids that were like one and two and three.
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  Speaker 2: I was so exhausted that I would often wake up
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  Speaker 2: at about one o'clock in the morning, it still on
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  Speaker 2: the ground, after having tried to pad off a child
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  Speaker 2: and wondering why you hadn't come and woken me up
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  Speaker 2: to take me to bed because you had fallen asleep
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  Speaker 2: in bed waiting for me, or putting another child off
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  Speaker 2: in another room or something like that.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you were so tired when you were pregnant
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  Speaker 1: with our second child. We had it like a two
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  Speaker 1: and a half year old pregnant with our second one,
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  Speaker 1: and we were at a Billy Joel concert Brisbane and
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  Speaker 1: Attainment center like in two thousand and I guess two
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  Speaker 1: thousand and one, two thousand and two, and you fell.
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  Speaker 1: You're going to let that fell asleep in a rock concert.
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  Speaker 1: That's so exhaustion is But so, how do we manage
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  Speaker 1: fatigue as a parent? How do we get the balance right?
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  Speaker 1: Before we share some solutions, I want to share one
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  Speaker 1: quick metaphor that I've found really useful, and that is
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  Speaker 1: the metaphor of a tightrope walker. So I don't think
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  Speaker 1: that a tightrope walker is ever what you might call
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  Speaker 1: perfectly balanced. Instead, they're in a process of constantly balancing,
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  Speaker 1: always adjusting, moving a bit to the left, a little
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  Speaker 1: bit to the right as they move, make their way
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  Speaker 1: across the tightrope, and the I energy on the end
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  Speaker 1: of the.
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  Speaker 2: Word tells us it's active.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a process. It's something that we have to
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  Speaker 1: be continually doing. I think that's why it's exhausting trying
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  Speaker 1: to get this balance right. It's never quite right, but
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  Speaker 1: we're always in the process of balancing.
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  Speaker 2: I just love that metaphor because when I think about,
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  Speaker 2: you know, family life in general, whether it's dealing with
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  Speaker 2: fatigue or you know, kind of dealing with children's behavior
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  Speaker 2: challenges or eating, whatever it is, it's constantly changing. Just
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  Speaker 2: when you think you've got the mix right, just when
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  Speaker 2: you feel like you you're spot on, everything's going right,
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  Speaker 2: which is that whole balance right, You're on the tightrope
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  Speaker 2: and you feel like, oh, I've got this, I've got
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  Speaker 2: Oh no, I don't. Well, I sway to the other side.
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  Speaker 1: Every now and again I'm feeling balanced, and then one
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  Speaker 1: of the kids will come and say, Dad.
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  Speaker 2: That's exactly right, And there's just there's so many moving parts.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, usually it's you that throws me off balance
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  Speaker 1: because I'll be balanced and then they kids say, Mom
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  Speaker 1: said to ask you because you're you're so tired of
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  Speaker 1: making the decisions, making me make them. I'm like, ah,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to make it. In fact, every now
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  Speaker 1: and again i'll see going and ask Mum and I
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  Speaker 1: already did. She said to ask you, just constant. So
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  Speaker 1: let's now what we're going to talk about. In terms
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  Speaker 1: of solutions, they're kind of obvious, but we still don't
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  Speaker 1: do them well. We certainly don't do them enough. So
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  Speaker 1: solution number one to manage fatigue as a parent is sleep.
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  Speaker 2: This one's so funny because in our house, specifically with you,
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  Speaker 2: when it comes time to go to bed, the more
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  Speaker 2: exhausted you are, the more inclined you are to turn
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  Speaker 2: the TV on.
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  Speaker 1: I know what is it with that?
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  Speaker 2: And I will fall in line with that easily because
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  Speaker 2: I just want some brain dead time. Yeah, but it's
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  Speaker 2: the last thing you need to be doing at the
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  Speaker 2: times when you feel so exhausted. You just need to
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  Speaker 2: close your eyes.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really frustrated that you've shared that with the world,
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  Speaker 1: but you're exactly right. The tired I am, the more
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  Speaker 1: likely it is that I will pick up the remote
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  Speaker 1: and say, let's just watch one episode of something, which
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  Speaker 1: is a really dumb thing, because instead what I should
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  Speaker 1: do is pick up a book, a non fiction book,
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  Speaker 1: a book that's not going to keep me captivated page
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  Speaker 1: after page.
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  Speaker 2: But sleep.
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  Speaker 1: We treat sleep like it's a luxury item, and the
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  Speaker 1: reality is it's not. It's essential. We simply cannot function
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  Speaker 1: well as people, as parents, as partners if we're sleep deprived.
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  Speaker 1: So the average adult needs approximately say seven and a
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  Speaker 1: half to nine hours of sleep per night. You can
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  Speaker 1: get by on less than that, but over time, you're
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  Speaker 1: going to sleep debt. The more sleep debt you have,
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  Speaker 1: the more likely it is that you're going to have
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  Speaker 1: impaired decision making, you're going to have fatigue management issues,
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  Speaker 1: You're just not going to perform well well.
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  Speaker 2: And if your body clock is functioning, then regardless of
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  Speaker 2: what time you go to bed, you're going to get
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  Speaker 2: up at the same time every morning, so you're not
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  Speaker 2: getting the full amount of sleep that you need unless
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  Speaker 2: you stick to the routine.
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  Speaker 1: Right, So we've got a long weekend coming up, and
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  Speaker 1: my recommendation for anyone who's wanting to manage their fatigue
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  Speaker 1: better as a parent is to get enough sleep. Just
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  Speaker 1: have a couple of early nights, have a couple of
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  Speaker 1: sleep ins if you need them, and try to get
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  Speaker 1: that sleep debt taken care of, because it does make
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  Speaker 1: a difference. It doesn't mean that you won't get tired.
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  Speaker 1: It just means that the won't be as bone heavy
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  Speaker 1: and it won't set in as early. I mean by
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  Speaker 1: about seven o'clock every night, you're going to be tired,
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  Speaker 1: but it's worse when you're exhausted. Second big idea is diet.
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  Speaker 1: So when it comes to diet, eat well, we know
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  Speaker 1: we're supposed to, but the more sugar we have for
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  Speaker 1: people who are drinking the more alcohol you have, the
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  Speaker 1: less effectively your body functions. I think that's kind of
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  Speaker 1: that's the message, right.
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  Speaker 2: I think that maybe I have it completely wrong, but
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  Speaker 2: I think mums are so prone to not feeding their
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  Speaker 2: bodies the things that they need because we eat on
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  Speaker 2: the run so much of the time, we feel so busy,
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  Speaker 2: and so time poor that instead of making ourselves a
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  Speaker 2: healthy lunch to sit down and eat, we just go
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  Speaker 2: to the cupboard and grab a couple of biscuits to
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  Speaker 2: kind of give us that sugar hit that we need
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  Speaker 2: to keep going. And it's just so easy to fall
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  Speaker 2: into that and then you know, kind of lay it
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  Speaker 2: down the track find ourselves in really challenging positions if
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  Speaker 2: we don't take the time to fuel our bodies with
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  Speaker 2: the things that we need.
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  Speaker 1: Just had a minor brain wave as you were saying that,
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  Speaker 1: and that is how much we rely on quick and
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  Speaker 1: easy food. So if we can make really healthy food
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  Speaker 1: massively accessible by peeling the carrots and having them chopped
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  Speaker 1: in some tuppware in the fridge, or even.
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  Speaker 2: Just making more than you need for dinner, so you know,
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  Speaker 2: when we've got leftovers in the fridge.
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  Speaker 1: We straight to the leftovers.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, so easy to just pull out the leftovers, heat
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  Speaker 2: them up for break for lunch, or you know, kind
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  Speaker 2: of add them to something for a healthy lunch. But
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  Speaker 2: if they're not there, then it's like.
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  Speaker 1: And the other thing that makes it easier is just
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  Speaker 1: having a meal list, right, like knowing what we're eating,
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  Speaker 1: which means that we lit'tle less likely to make less
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  Speaker 1: healthy alternatives. Fatigue management, diet is central. Sleep is the
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  Speaker 1: other one. And the third and final one that we're going.
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  Speaker 2: To mention today is attention management.
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  Speaker 1: So that means that we I know what we're focusing on,
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  Speaker 1: and we're choosing to focus on it for the right
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  Speaker 1: reasons at the right time. And it kind of goes
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  Speaker 1: back to the screen issue, I guess, but it's also
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  Speaker 1: about being present, being intentional, being in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: Well, when I think about that, I actually think about,
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  Speaker 2: you know, looking at the things that I have to
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  Speaker 2: do in any given day and then adjusting my expectations
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  Speaker 2: to what I am capable of doing in a day. Right,
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  Speaker 2: so often we have this ridiculous to do list, and
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  Speaker 2: I remember, especially when the kids were younger, I would
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  Speaker 2: literally stay in my gym gear all day, not because
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  Speaker 2: I wanted to, but number one, I didn't give myself
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  Speaker 2: the time to have a shower, and number two because
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  Speaker 2: it meant that I could run faster. It literally gave
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  Speaker 2: me the sense of being energetic in spite of the
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  Speaker 2: fact that I didn't feel it physically, but I had
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  Speaker 2: my jogers on, so it meant that I could move
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  Speaker 2: faster and that kind of gave me the capacity to
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  Speaker 2: get through my day. But it comes at a cost.
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  Speaker 2: We don't take the time to take care of ourselves
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  Speaker 2: and nourish ourselves, whether it be food, sleep, exercise, whatever,
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  Speaker 2: it makes it so much harder for us to do
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  Speaker 2: the things we need to do.
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  Speaker 1: And I reckon we just need to emphasize here as well.
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  Speaker 1: One last thing in terms of attention management, and that
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  Speaker 1: is it's okay to have downtime. It's okay to steer
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  Speaker 1: at a screen, it's okay to really embed yourself in
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  Speaker 1: a book or something like that. But it's about doing
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  Speaker 1: it on purpose. It's about saying, Okay, this is the
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  Speaker 1: time that I'm doing it. I know it's not going
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  Speaker 1: to come at any cost in relation to sleep, or
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  Speaker 1: relationships or the other things that matter. If we get
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  Speaker 1: that right, then will manage our fatigue better. I know
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  Speaker 1: that they're kind of generic responses, but they really are
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  Speaker 1: at the very heart of managing our fatigue. And get
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  Speaker 1: someone else to make your decisions. They'll do it as well.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe there's a new job out there for someone.
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  Speaker 1: We hope that you're enjoying. The Happy Families Podcast summer
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: series We're back again on Monday with more on the
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast. For more information, visitors at happy families
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  Speaker 1: dot com, dot a