Latest / Camp Classics / Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Transcript

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) · Camp Classics

0:00
Pert wholesome way lethal. I think that would make a nice
0:04
tramp stamp. Get away from her, you bitch.
0:10
He was in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right
0:14
before she died. I used.
0:24
To love doggy chow, I used. To love doggy chow too.
0:28
How loose is my goose? My goose is totally loose.
0:33
I'm Crystal. And dribble, dribble, shoot,
0:36
shoot, take that ball to the hoop.
0:38
My name is Baby Lame. And welcome to Camp Classic.
0:45
A thoughtful podcast about stupid movies.
0:48
Every two weeks. What do we do here?
0:50
Baby, why are you eyeing? I don't know, I don't know.
0:54
I don't like a very. I think it's because we recorded
0:58
the episode that was released two weeks ago, yesterday, and so
1:02
you know, what else is there to say?
1:04
OK, about anything, About anything.
1:08
I think in the last episode you came up with what the floor of
1:11
this podcast was, which was quite a major flaw.
1:14
Right. Reminder, listeners.
1:16
It was something along the lines of.
1:19
People don't want to listen to people talk about obscure shit
1:22
movies. I could hear people getting
1:24
bored with me, but I couldn't stop.
1:26
Yeah, you were basically like what people want to hear us talk
1:29
about are films that aren't camp and they're just a bit boring
1:33
and they're the most popular episodes.
1:35
That's what we that's what we got to.
1:36
So there's the floor in the podcast.
1:39
Well. Great, perfect.
1:41
Well you've just said it. That is what we are here to do.
1:43
Every two weeks we are here discussing and rating camp
1:47
movies. Some of them are camper than
1:48
others scream. Not that camp turns out, but you
1:52
can go back and listen to that episode.
1:53
And as I said in that episode, Neve Campbell is not camp and
1:57
also I now think she is the the most featured actress in the
2:02
series of podcasts thus far. Yeah.
2:05
Yeah, we've done more Neve Campbell films than we've done
2:08
anyone else, which is just on you crystals.
2:11
I love that you hate her. You've got like an ongoing feud
2:13
with Neve Campbell, just like I do with Jerry Halliwell,
2:16
Samantha Jones. But anyway, before we go any
2:19
further, baby, can you tell the listeners what makes a camp
2:21
classic? I would love to.
2:23
So a camp classic is something that unlocks queer joy.
2:26
In the words of Megan Fox, you give me such a wedding.
2:32
It needs to have an ongoing legacy, something that will make
2:34
you come back for more and feeds into queer pop culture.
2:37
It needs to be so stupid. It's genius.
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Otherwise it's probably not camp.
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And it needs big, flaccid energy.
2:44
That's right, we're looking for a flop.
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Rejected by the mainstream, Resurrected by the gays.
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Delicious. And we've got a special guest
2:53
today. Please welcome to the podcast.
2:56
Comedian content creator. It's Chris Hall.
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Hello. Oh, hi, babe.
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How are you? Thank you for having me.
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Welcome to Camp Classics. I'm very, very excited to be
3:07
here. Oh, we're so glad to.
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Talk about this important film. This important piece of media,
3:13
this piece of art, really. Oh, 100%.
3:16
If you don't know Chris Hall, you may have seen his videos
3:19
where he pretends to be, and sometimes actually is, people's
3:22
background singers. We're my.
3:24
Background. Singers.
3:27
Well, I was about to say that's we've gone beyond pretending.
3:31
So Chris, I need to ask you, you've done videos with Shania
3:35
Twain with the Sugar Babes. You're in Diana Vickers new
3:38
music video. Who's the campus person you've
3:42
collabed with? Oh my goodness.
3:43
Well, you if we're saying campus Miss Diana Vickers is his campus
3:48
Christmas, I have to say really in the best way possible.
3:53
The new songs, amazing. The video was so much fun.
3:55
She was like, babe, babe, will you come down and do my music
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video? And I was like, 100% what time
4:00
did you be there? I'll be there the night before.
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And then we were chatting about a costume and I was like, why
4:05
don't we play? Like, because it was, it was
4:07
filmed like in an arcade at the, at the beach.
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And I was like, oh, maybe I was thinking like Beachy, like those
4:14
old school like swimming costumes, you know, those ones
4:17
that were like quite like kind of cover uppy.
4:20
And then we ended up in these like strongman unit like
4:22
unitards. And I was like, I don't know how
4:24
we got here, but I like where we are now.
4:27
I like how we how we looked around Lycra.
4:30
Yeah, I was like, oh, you know, twist my arm.
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It's it's like so wild though, that like you are now like a
4:37
major part of like a pop girls campaign.
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Do you know what I mean? Like anybody, the big pop
4:43
girlies all go to you. Like, what's that like for your
4:45
brain? Because I'd imagine like loads
4:47
of them you were like looking up to as a kid, right?
4:50
Yeah, it is. It is.
4:52
It never gets it never gets old. Like it, you know, I've I've
4:55
gotten better at like meeting people and like talking and
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like, you know, you know, we like, OK, we're going to do this
5:01
video. I've gotten better at like
5:03
making the experience run smoothly because at the
5:06
beginning we were like, we were just like deers frozen
5:08
headlights. Like, yeah, like I think we've
5:11
got the wrong room. Like you shouldn't have emailed
5:13
us. Whereas like now I'm like, OK, I
5:14
think the e-mail was, was was for us.
5:18
But it doesn't get any, it doesn't get it doesn't go over
5:21
our heads of like how ridiculous and crazy this bit has like how
5:26
far it's taken us. Like when we did the sugar
5:28
babes, I was like, I've been listening to you for most of my
5:32
life. Like this is crazy that like
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we've we're even doing this with you And like people like Shania
5:37
Twain and like we did LeAnn Rimes and someone like LeAnn
5:41
Rimes. I remember being like 7 when
5:44
like, Oh no, maybe even younger. When How do I Live came out and
5:48
like, I just looked at her and I was like, I can't believe we're
5:52
doing this silly dance with you. Like this is incredible.
5:54
And like, JoJo is one of my favorite artists of all time.
5:57
And that was just so fun. And yeah, it's it's, it's
6:01
completely is it? We're like used to it, but we
6:04
kind of like aren't used to it every single time, like a new
6:08
thing happens. We're like, we always kind of
6:10
leave and just go like, what's what are we doing?
6:14
Now I have to ask, just between us friends, have you turned down
6:18
anyone? No, no, no, no.
6:20
Do you know what I mean though? It's kind of like top loads were
6:23
coming back. We do, you know what I mean?
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Like. No one's been turned down.
6:28
No, no, no. No, no one's been turned down.
6:30
There's some people that we've who've like been like, oh, so
6:33
and so is interested and we've been like, Oh my goodness me.
6:36
And then that's not fallen through.
6:38
And then there has been some people that we've been like,
6:40
we're not sure whether that quite goes with.
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The. Brand.
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Oh yeah, or just the the group of artists that we've done
6:48
previously sometimes. So you have gone people?
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Yeah. Exactly that.
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But well, but then it's never really got.
6:55
It's never gotten to the point where we've said no.
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We've always gone like, Oh yeah, maybe.
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And then like it's maybe not happened.
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And we've been like, maybe that's the universe has.
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Done. I love.
7:03
I love the monster of this, you know, like it starts up with you
7:06
being grateful, you know? Oh, my God.
7:08
We're doing it with so and so now it's like it doesn't really
7:10
sit with us. I'm sorry.
7:12
Yeah. Well, you know, you know,
7:13
people, people say some crazy stuff these days and you just,
7:16
you want, you want to be amongst friends.
7:19
I mean, fair, fair. I love that storyline.
7:23
It's basically just always commit to the bit and never drop
7:26
the bit just to see how far the bit can take you because
7:29
honestly, who knows, yeah. So good and even even we've been
7:33
like, you know, how far can we take this or, you know,
7:36
whatever, but like, but people, we hope.
7:39
Well, it appears that people are still enjoying, you know, us
7:43
doing it. So, so you know, we'll, we'll
7:46
keep going until, until, until there's no artist left.
7:51
You can tell you're on a gay fucking podcast and that's all
7:54
we're talking about with your career as well.
7:56
It's like, oh, you know, I will say trying to do stand up as
7:59
well and you know. Oh no.
8:00
We just focus it, yeah. Also gays of a certain age,
8:03
because I was going to ask you if Diana Vickers still doesn't
8:06
wear shoes. She wears shoes now.
8:09
Well, there we go. That's our job done.
8:10
Then I think we've got to the bottom of that and.
8:12
She's got to keep the soles of her feet soft.
8:15
OK, well what about camp movies? You're obviously on a camp movie
8:17
podcast. Can you give me like a potted
8:20
history of your time with camp Movies and what are like some of
8:23
your faves? OK so fully it's not even my
8:26
favorite camp movie. Like I feel like I'm amongst
8:29
friends like my favorite film of all time is Sex and City.
8:32
Like I do like. One or two?
8:35
One, one or one? Obviously I prefer to and.
8:39
Whenever, whenever someone else like I always get, I always get
8:42
a bit shy because like I, there's no, it is my favorite
8:45
film. Like, but obviously people are
8:48
think you're joking or they're like, you know, are you taking
8:51
the piss or like, surely that can't be your most treasured
8:54
film. And it it truly is.
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It has the biggest rewatch value for me.
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I mean, you know, they did more in that film than they did in a
9:01
whole three seasons of And Just Like That so.
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Totally. How did you feel about the
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ending of Just Like That? I I was not surprised by the
9:15
ending given what we've been given over the previous
9:19
episodes. She's got her press, press face
9:23
on. But it was, I feel it was just a
9:27
bit of a, a bit of a missed opportunity.
9:31
I had to tap out. It's fair.
9:34
My friend described it as taking her antibiotics.
9:37
You have to finish the course. Yeah.
9:38
And I was like, no, I quit. Yeah.
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Yeah. Let the disease consume me.
9:46
You just don't get it. I really want to cover Sex and
9:49
City 2 on this podcast. It's that is one of my favorite.
9:51
Movies it is. I mean, it's pretty special, but
9:53
you have to say it to believe it.
9:55
It's so awful. It's just a real train wreck of
9:58
late stage capitalism. It's perfect, yeah.
10:01
We have an hour to pack. And get the fuck out of Abu
10:04
Dhabi. And then I was trying to
10:07
remember the films that when I was kind of maybe between the
10:11
ages of like 8 and 14 or something, when like you just
10:15
had like one video that you would just rewind and then watch
10:18
again, rewind and watch again. Some of those films were Miss
10:21
Congeniality, both Charlie's Angels.
10:25
I like adore the Charlie's Angels with yeah, the Cameron
10:28
Diaz, Lucy Drew Barrymore and and then the First Wives Club is
10:34
one of my absolute top. 3. Films, just films about three
10:40
women. 3 or 4 women is perfect for me.
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That's all you need. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:45
Because actually that, yeah, that is it, isn't it?
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Small group needs to be one of the criteria not know.
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If a movie doesn't have multiple women, can it be camp?
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It's going to. It's going to struggle.
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Yeah, it's going to struggle. Yeah.
11:00
Do you know? Who I hate.
11:01
I just want to throw out a bit of hate.
11:02
I hate Diane Keating. Hi, future Crystal here.
11:07
Yes, this episode was recorded before Diane Keaton sadly passed
11:11
away. And yes, Baby Lame is about to
11:14
go on a rant about Diane Keaton. And no, I'm not going to be
11:19
cutting any of it. All right, Pete, Diane Keaton.
11:25
Hater hater with a passion. Why?
11:28
Just wanted. Just wanted to say that it's
11:30
just something about her. Very, very smug.
11:32
Not a fag. Yeah, I was just going to say,
11:33
you're going to say she's smug? Okay, yeah, there we go.
11:37
That's all I have to say. But the rest of the I love, I
11:39
love that film as well. But yeah, Diane Keaton, yeah,
11:41
does it for me. I also think if you've got Bette
11:44
Midler and Goldie Hawn in the cast, good luck.
11:47
It's it's pretty stacked. And don't.
11:50
Tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to say.
11:55
And when I go out with you, don't put me on the split.
12:01
Pretty good. And today you have brought us.
12:03
We told you to bring something spooky.
12:05
And you brought Buffy the movie. Yes.
12:07
So what is your history with this movie?
12:10
So Buffy the Vampire Slayer is something that started again
12:14
when I was a little bit, I was a little bit too.
12:17
I was like a couple years too young.
12:19
So I found it like pretty petrifying when it was on TV.
12:22
So like I was like, so my older sister was watching it and she
12:25
was like, she's four years older than me, but she was kind of a
12:28
teenager. And I was like, I was like good
12:31
until it until like the 30 minutes into the episode when
12:34
like shit would hit the fan and it would get really scary.
12:37
Then I'd like run out the room and she'd be like, you're too
12:39
young to watch this, like get leave me alone.
12:40
But obviously I just wanted to be around my sister so much that
12:42
like I got into it. And then I remember by that 6:00
12:46
and 7:00, I was like, definitely watching it in like as it came
12:51
out. And I was like kind of old
12:53
enough to cope with how scary it was scary.
12:57
And then I remember going back, I remember my older sister had
13:00
bought the film and I was kind of like, Oh my God, we have to
13:03
watch the film. And we kind of, I think she'd
13:05
watched it before and kind of knew what to expect.
13:08
And I was watching it like, so Buffy, the vampire site in
13:14
general is very reminiscent of me and my relationship with my
13:17
older sister. And then I think when I remember
13:21
being like, sit, like when, you know, Willow got with Tara, I
13:24
remember being just obsessed with that storyline.
13:26
And my older sister was like, OK, I think you're probably I'm
13:29
sexual. And and then, yeah, then Buffy
13:34
in general, like, you know, I had the, you know, I had the
13:36
video set, I had the DVD set and just, and the magazine.
13:39
It was obviously, I'm obviously a, you know, a band, a Buffy,
13:42
Buffy head. Anyway, So it just is holds a
13:45
very, very, very special place in my heart.
13:46
But then I hadn't watched the film in quite a long time, so it
13:50
was fun. Did some homework and rewatched
13:52
in in in anticipation of our meeting today.
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And it didn't disappoint. It disappointed and it didn't
14:00
disappoint at the same time. Yeah, baby.
14:03
What about you? What's your history with this
14:05
movie? I think I was the same.
14:06
I watched it when I was younger, like I caught it on the TV
14:10
channel or something and I just was petrified.
14:12
Like I had a real triggering moment watching this where he's
14:16
trying to get in the guy vampires trying to get into his
14:19
best mates hotel room or whatever.
14:21
And I was like, Oh my God, it's come back to me.
14:24
And I was just petrified of the ideas of vampires trying to get
14:26
in through the window. So I never watched it all.
14:29
So it's the first time I watched it the other day, but also I'm
14:32
going to say I I hated the TV series.
14:35
So it's it's not so it's not one of those things that is
14:38
connected with me. And I know, I know what.
14:42
Are we doing here in contrary? This is really good a healthy
14:46
discussion critical it is critical thing to.
14:48
Debate. Yeah, Thank you.
14:50
Thank you. Listen, there's a lot of the
14:53
underrepresented campy films that I will stand hard for.
14:57
But yeah, I'm not a Buffy person.
14:59
And Crystal, you are like the definition of a Buffy person.
15:03
Yeah, like your whole character has been built on this, I
15:06
believe. Yeah, yeah.
15:09
Buffy really, really shaped me. I was the same as you, Chris.
15:12
I don't think I watched Buffy when it was coming out.
15:14
I'm older than you, so I was just a pussy, but I was still, I
15:17
was also scared. But I think by around season 6,
15:20
I was watching it live too. And.
15:22
And I remember I would go over to my dad's house and we would
15:25
watch it together, which is like a really kind of nice memory.
15:28
Although season 6 is when it got really sexy.
15:30
And I was like 14 and then it's just me and my dad watching like
15:34
Buffy and Spike fuck a house down.
15:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 6 gets. 6 gets very sexy and just very like
15:41
talky, dramatic, like it's like, let's talk about this for a long
15:44
time and you're like OK. Yeah, but this movie I remember
15:48
watching, yeah, like, probably too young somehow.
15:52
And it also had some real triggering, scary moments for me
15:57
that I also had forgotten about Intel rewatching.
16:00
But there's this bit in this movie where one of the friends
16:03
is, like, on a bed and she's about to be eaten.
16:05
Yeah. And like, that was just a
16:07
visceral, terrifying moment for me that I can still remember.
16:10
So it was fun to rewatch. I hadn't seen it probably since
16:14
I was a kid. I think I watched this movie
16:16
many, many times as a kid because there's parts of it I
16:19
could quote. Like, I just knew the exact line
16:21
that was coming, which is weird because I.
16:23
Yeah, it's probably been 30 years, but it's in there.
16:26
There's such good quotes it's like got that amazing 90s like
16:30
quote deck of like. Some.
16:33
LA High School, which is just so good.
16:35
Oh, they have gone a ham on ramping up the valley, haven't
16:39
they? Yeah.
16:42
OK, well, let's get into the context.
16:44
So this movie, Buffy, released July 92, written, of course, by
16:49
Joss Whedon. It was directed by a woman which
16:52
we love, Fran Rubell. That's how great.
16:56
I love that for her, Yeah. And it's starring Kristy Swanson
16:59
as Buffy, Luke Perry as Pike, Donald Sutherland as Merrick the
17:03
Watcher. We've got Rutger Hauer as the
17:06
bad vampire, Paul Reubens AKA Pee Wee Herman as the villains
17:10
henchman, and we've got Hilary Swank in her first film
17:14
role-playing a high school bitch.
17:16
There's. Also, Ben Affleck in Ben Affleck
17:19
in the basketball team, which was a an amazing moment for me
17:24
to remember that he's yeah, he's the scared of like dribbler.
17:29
Yeah, and uncredited, I guess he was basically a glorified extra.
17:33
Yeah, at this time, yeah. This movie had a budget of
17:36
$7,000,000 and it took 16,000,000 at the box office.
17:40
It was a pretty big disappointment, but I think it
17:43
then took off on video and VHS, and it basically stayed alive
17:48
long enough for the production company, Sand Dollar, owned by
17:52
Dolly Parton, by the way, to, like, Commission the TV show.
17:56
And so it obviously went on to have a massive, massive legacy.
17:59
Yeah, there was one woman whose name I've forgotten at Sand
18:02
Dollar who would just really believed in the property.
18:04
And she just, like, kept banging the drum for five years, even
18:07
though this movie was a flop, and eventually got the TV show
18:10
commissioned. So we can thank Dolly Parton for
18:13
that. Thank God, thank heavens for
18:15
Dolly Parton. I do every day.
18:17
Yeah. This movie has a 37% rating on
18:21
Rotten Tomatoes, so the critics weren't exactly feeling it.
18:25
Right, you can really. Yeah, yeah.
18:32
There's like no story. OK.
18:34
What I will say is when I saw it was an hour and 27 minutes, I
18:38
was like, bring back films that are an hour and 20.
18:40
Like I. Love, my God, yes.
18:43
And then also films used to be an hour and 27 as opposed to
18:47
like limited series. Limited series is at the moment
18:50
when you look at like them on Netflix and like it's 8 episodes
18:54
of 80 minutes. I'm always like, you've got a
18:59
bite size this for me. You've got like, I can't, that's
19:01
just too much. Whereas the film and then films
19:04
are now three hours. I'm like, tell your story in 90
19:07
minutes. How?
19:08
Especially if we're talking like a spoofy satire.
19:12
Yeah, can't be good time. Like if you can't do it in an
19:15
hour and a half, like. What are we doing?
19:18
Yeah, move on. Yeah, let's Something else.
19:21
Something else. Anything else to say about
19:23
context? Oh, I would just say that Joss
19:25
Whedon was unhappy with the direction this film took and he
19:29
ended up leaving the set. He was angry about it.
19:31
It was not his vision. But we also now know that Joss
19:36
Whedon is a a Dick and a bully. So, yeah, who cares, Joss?
19:40
Who cares? Boo you.
19:42
Whore. The tagline of this movie I
19:44
enjoyed. Do you know what it was?
19:46
No. Pert, wholesome way lethal.
19:54
I think that would make a nice tramp stamp.
19:56
Yeah, it's good. That is, yeah.
19:58
Wholesome way lethal. Yeah, way lethal.
20:02
It says so much and nothing at the same time.
20:05
Truly pert and wholesome. Big boobs what?
20:10
Let's get into the plot. So the movie opens in the dark
20:14
ages and we learned there are slayers.
20:18
It's a destined girl who has a strength and skills to stand
20:21
against the vampires. Cut to 92, California and we
20:25
meet Buffy, head cheerleader. Now, this is not the most
20:31
impressive cheer routine I've ever seen, no.
20:35
But not all of them can be. This was a pre bring it on.
20:38
Yeah, this is a pre Bring It ON world.
20:40
True, it's got a pumping 90s soundtrack though, which I
20:43
appreciate. It really does.
20:46
Do you 2 know much about this Christy Swanson person?
20:49
Because I've just looked at her IMDb and it she's had a
20:51
miserable career. It's never really kicked off for
20:54
her. She was in Mannequin too.
20:56
Oh, OK, OK. And she was also in Beethoven's
21:02
Treasure Island. Wow.
21:05
Which I wasn't aware that that was part of the franchise, but
21:08
we loved that for her. I only.
21:10
Knew the Muppet version and then an original.
21:14
She hasn't been in any soaps. Surely she's she could all my
21:17
children or like. She's been in a film called Bad
21:20
Stepmother, Dead Silence, A Mother's sacrifice.
21:24
That was a more demanding, dramatic role for her.
21:27
Yeah. I mean, it's it's living death.
21:30
I mean, they're great titles, but yeah, it never happened.
21:34
For a blesser. I look at her and I get Anna
21:36
Nicole Smith, and that's kind of who I was now implanting my
21:39
brain on watching the entire film.
21:41
If I refer to as Anna, that's who I'm going.
21:44
To I debated telling you guys this because I didn't want to,
21:46
like, ruin your perception of this movie, but it sounds like
21:49
we're all on the same page. This is, you know, not the
21:52
highest piece of art. Chrissy Swanson, If you go on
21:55
her Wikipedia down in her political views, it's like
21:58
Kristy Swanson identifies as mega and proud.
22:01
Oh. Jesus Gross.
22:04
Perfect, perfect. Yeah, so I guess this.
22:08
Film sucks Christy, this is embarrassing that you were in
22:13
this film. Yeah, and there's apparently she
22:16
does videos with Dean Kane, who's another like tragic loss
22:21
from my from my 90s. Anyway, she's Buffy.
22:26
Yeah, the scene goes on quite a while.
22:28
What do you need to know about Buffy?
22:30
She's got a boyfriend who's a douche.
22:32
She's got vapid valley girl frenemy girls around her.
22:37
Yeah, she's basically your classic shallow 90s teen girl,
22:40
right? Yeah, you also don't really.
22:43
I mean, we said the story gets told in 90 minutes.
22:45
We don't get told much info or detail about anyone really.
22:51
So I feel you have to really listen to pick up names of of
22:56
people and you kind of a like, oh, that's her boyfriend.
22:59
Oh, no, that's her boyfriend. Oh, OK, this one's her
23:02
boyfriend. We're like, OK, fine.
23:05
She's kissing this one. Yeah.
23:07
You're so right, although it's a short film, they don't actually
23:10
achieve any plot points and therefore it seems quite long
23:13
and it it's actually quite a hard watch because of that, I
23:16
think. No.
23:22
Where are we? OK so Grueler 1 of Buffy's gang
23:26
is out, I'd say gay cruising in a park and he runs into Paul
23:31
Reubens AKA Pee Wee Herman AKA Emmeline and we don't see what
23:36
happens to him here but you know my head cannon is definitely
23:40
anal. For sure.
23:43
Please, these gays, they're trying to murder me.
23:47
What I like about this Paul Rubens character is that it was
23:51
originally written to be a woman and that's why there's like
23:54
sexual tension between him and the big bad.
23:58
But they just changed it to Paul Rubens and they didn't bother to
24:00
change anything. They just so they just kept it
24:03
and now it's gay. I love that.
24:05
Yeah, quite fun. It works perfectly.
24:08
Yeah. Buffy is experiencing
24:11
abandonment issues from her yuppie parents.
24:14
Love the mum by the way the mum is adore her.
24:18
We're going out. What's her name?
24:20
Candy Clark, isn't it? Yeah, Yeah, Candy.
24:23
Yeah, Candy Clark. No.
24:24
Right at the end of the film it in the credits it says Candy
24:29
Clark as Buffy's mum and it's independent to the rest of the.
24:34
And I was like, is that just because she's.
24:35
Such an icon. She had two cool times like on
24:39
two different days, like come dressed in this 80s like 90s
24:42
power suit and yell at Christy and then walk out the door both
24:46
times. I think she was just like a
24:48
horror actress B movie. OK.
24:51
So I think it must have been part of her deal to have been
24:53
credited separately. It's like, who do you think you
24:55
are, Barbra Streisand or something?
24:57
Do you know what I mean? But.
24:58
I'm Candy Clark and I'm in a horror film.
25:00
Yeah, also in a movie, as I say, that has Rutger Hauer and Donald
25:03
Sutherland like to, you know, legends.
25:06
Go off, candy. Go off, Candy, I love that for
25:08
you. Buffy's also dreaming of being a
25:10
Slayer in a past life. She's fighting Lothos.
25:14
This is Rutger Hauer the big Bad, and then Paul Reubens who
25:19
we met before is killing a bunch of mostly boys and turning them
25:24
into vampires to amass an army for Lothos, who he is definitely
25:30
in lesbians with. Yes, but we don't really know
25:33
why. What I got to the end, we don't
25:35
really know sort of there's there's not a reason why we're
25:40
doing this. Whereas in the TV show, they
25:42
definitely are able to be like we're building an army to
25:45
resurrect this leader or the our master or we're doing this so
25:50
our master can but you know, get this evil person that would take
25:55
over the world. Whereas Lathos just seems to be
25:58
napping until it's time, but we don't know what.
26:04
What it's time? For what?
26:05
What time, what the countdown is for and why?
26:09
Lathos just kind of hangs out in the crypt and doesn't go and
26:12
sort of get doesn't go and do anything himself.
26:15
Yeah, yeah. It's quite weird.
26:17
Yeah. There seems to be, there's this
26:18
like, kind of Destiny storyline, isn't there, between Buffy and
26:21
Lothos of like, they're destined to constantly meet in different,
26:25
you know, different periods. And Lothos will seduce and kill
26:28
Buffy. Yeah, and she's not ready.
26:30
That's a clear line all the way. Through They're not ready.
26:33
Not quite ready. Yeah, it's crazy because it's we
26:36
do we, we left a lot saying ready for what and ready for why
26:44
and why not. But we we don't get any of those
26:46
answers. Which actually, you know, yeah,
26:50
it would have been as simple as saying, like, his motivation is
26:53
he has to kill the Slayer every time she's reborn, and that's
26:56
what gives him his extra vampire strength.
26:58
Yeah. Or his extra powers of
27:01
possession. Yeah.
27:01
Yeah, or even he's just like a creep.
27:03
And he's like, I think this girl's hot and I love to eat her
27:06
every time she's reborn. Yeah.
27:07
But like, we don't even really get that.
27:09
It's just like, what? Yeah.
27:10
What are we doing here, Lothos? And why do you look like Bea
27:14
Arthur with a mustache? Please, please gaze did.
27:18
Anyone clock that special effect where he's like lowering down?
27:22
Yeah, basically he's just extending his body and then just
27:25
like kneeling down slightly. I was like yes, come through
27:28
with your like mime. No, I miss that.
27:30
Special effects are, yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like, you
27:34
know, was a mime artist is in a lift and they go down.
27:37
It's very that energy and they're just like, oh, if we
27:39
just get him on his tip toes and then lowering, it's like he's
27:41
landed down from the sky. Yeah, right.
27:45
But they did have him floating, right, actually.
27:47
Oh, they had him on wires at one point.
27:49
Yeah, that was very special. Yeah.
27:50
That's giving like panto levels of production.
27:55
Like big blowout and his wings is just it was quite fab.
27:58
And he's he's an absent gay daddy for Paul Rubens, which I'm
28:02
also into. Then we meet Pike.
28:04
This is Luke Perry at the cinema and at the cinema and Benny
28:08
played by David Arquette. This is our second David
28:12
Arquette movie in a row, baby. And they're bad boys and they
28:15
don't like Valley girls and. I mean, the Valley girls are
28:20
really unlikeable and quite they're not like a kind of a
28:23
clueless, like, oh, you know, she's got a heart.
28:26
She's actually just a real cunt. And there we go.
28:29
I'm just going to say it. She's not like.
28:31
Yeah, you're right, You're right.
28:32
And they meet at the sit at the cinema.
28:34
And before that they discussed which cinema to go to.
28:39
And they they're like, we're not going to the duplex.
28:41
It's this wrongs with that. We're not going to the Odeon.
28:45
It's. And I was like, God, remember a
28:47
time when like you'd have multiple cinemas to choose
28:49
between and that would be the only thing you could do and you
28:51
could rate them. Whereas like now if someone
28:53
said, do you want to go to cinema, we're like, well,
28:55
whatever, you know, we can. But yeah, I while we can.
28:59
It made me it made me think of a yesteryear when, like, the
29:02
cinema would be the real highlight of anyone's night out.
29:07
Yeah, they they definitely don't want to go to anything that
29:09
shows foreign language. Oh yeah, that was crazy.
29:14
Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador.
29:17
Like I'm ever going to Spain. Yeah, so rude.
29:20
Much excuse. Much rude or anything.
29:23
The other thing I realized what that when I watched this when I
29:26
was a kid, I did not understand that it was a satire or parody.
29:29
I just thought this was like an accurate representation of teen
29:32
girls. I just was, I was a child, so I
29:36
didn't know. I was like, yeah, yeah, I want
29:39
to be them. They seem like they've got it
29:41
all. They're living their best life.
29:42
And their biggest concern is who's getting to wear the yellow
29:45
jacket? The yellow.
29:46
The yellow leather jacket. This, this explains so much
29:49
about you Crystal and the the the trajectory you've taken as
29:53
an adult. I just wanted to be like them
29:56
all along. Get out of my facial.
29:59
Get. Out of my facial.
30:01
OK, where are we? Oh yeah.
30:03
So we've got Pike and Benny, and they're also kind of gay, I'd
30:07
say basically I'm, I'm seeing gay in every man in this movie.
30:11
I don't know if that's just me or what, but but Benny gets
30:15
killed and turned by Paul Reubens once again.
30:19
Yeah, we never, we never. We don't really see much of the
30:23
attacks. Like everyone gets killed off
30:25
camera, which I didn't know, didn't know.
30:27
I guess they were like, we don't, we don't have the budget
30:29
to like do any kind of like scary makeup, like gory makeup.
30:35
We're just like going to kill everyone off, off screen.
30:38
Yeah, everyone gets kind of pulled away.
30:39
I remember also that scene being really scary for me that yeah,
30:43
him getting pulled off that ledge.
30:44
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is. And then everything also, sorry,
30:47
this everything also happens incredibly slowly.
30:49
Yes, he gets pulled off the off the ledge with not much force
30:54
and not much speed. And then Merrick is there to
30:58
just wake up Luke Perry and go, hey, we should probably get in
31:02
the car. Hey young man, you seem drunk.
31:06
Get in my car. Yeah, and they sort of slowly
31:09
drive away. Don't mind me and my leather
31:12
driving gloves. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, very.
31:14
See that's that's a whole other situation.
31:16
Quite romantic pacing really, isn't it it?
31:18
Is. Quite like, wistful and like.
31:21
It's very present in the moment. Let's not rush through this,
31:24
yeah? Yeah, it's all about connection.
31:28
Buffy then meets Merrick, who this is Donald Sutherland, who
31:32
tells her about her birthright. Who is a creepy man?
31:36
Old man in a high school with a big flasher Mac.
31:40
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He basically like come to the
31:42
graveyard. Yeah, I mean, at least she calls
31:45
him out on it. Yeah, to be fair, to be fair.
31:48
Yeah, she's definitely skeptical.
31:50
She thinks he's a creepy old man, but he knows about her
31:53
dreams and so he takes her to the graveyard and she fights
31:57
some vampires. I also like a lot of the
32:00
language around this is like, I need you to watch.
32:03
So he's in like the cruisy graveyard.
32:06
It's just that I need you to watch.
32:08
Sit here and watch. It's a little very, very sexual.
32:11
What do we think of this first vampire fight scene?
32:14
It's this is I was, I was pretty worried about Christie's
32:18
physicality after this one. I was like, uh oh.
32:21
Yeah, every again. Everything happens very slowly.
32:23
It's very slow. Oh my.
32:25
God, that, yeah, that Lady vampire who's running at her is
32:28
she's like screaming, but she's like, yeah, doing a, a speed
32:31
walk at best, yeah. And, you know, I always thought
32:36
that the heart was in the left side as of, whereas these stakes
32:43
I really feel are just going into the torso in general.
32:47
Yeah. And of course, they don't burst
32:48
into dust like they do in the TV show.
32:50
So it's kind of hard to trust that they're actually, I mean,
32:53
they might just be injured, but that's.
32:55
True, actually. I guess they are dead.
32:58
I wonder what they do with those bodies.
33:00
Yeah, because that was always very handy in the TV show.
33:04
They just cleaned up after themselves.
33:06
Yeah, again, another unanswered question.
33:08
We're littered with dead vampire corpses, corpses times 2.
33:15
And yeah, she, she really sort of kills them by kind of by
33:20
accident or by haps, by happenstance.
33:23
She hasn't quite gotten her yeah her Kung Fu up to up to scratch
33:29
yet. It sounds like we need a
33:30
training montage. And we need, and it needs to be
33:33
about 4 1/2 to 5 minutes. That's what we Yeah, that's not.
33:37
Let's not skimp on the montage. Yeah.
33:40
So that's what we get. I actually took back what I said
33:42
earlier when I watched this. I think she actually does do a
33:44
pretty good job physic of physicality.
33:47
She does some like great jump kicks that look.
33:50
Pretty good. The forward roll into the
33:51
throat. The forward for, I mean, she's
33:53
got 2 moves, yeah, she's got a jump kick and she's got a
33:56
forward roll, but she she sells them.
33:58
Yeah, but it's also, if you're going to be playing Street
34:01
Fighter as Chung Lee, you're only going to be doing the leg
34:03
thing, aren't you? Because that's all you need.
34:05
You don't need multiple moves. Yeah, that's like it works.
34:09
I also think the stunt double blends with Chrissy Swanson
34:13
quite well. Whereas when you, when you go
34:15
back and look at Sarah Michelle Gellar's stunt double, sometimes
34:18
it's like that's that like that person is twice the size of
34:23
Sarah Michelle and also also sometimes a man.
34:28
Sarah Michelle's also often in like really high heels and like
34:31
leather trousers and doesn't feel very, it doesn't feel super
34:36
combat like complimentary. Whereas it feels like Christie's
34:40
a bit more grounded. It feels like she's wearing
34:42
flats a lot more. So I kind of, I kind of a little
34:46
bit, I kind of, I did believe that she was, you know, flipping
34:51
very slowly for us. Yeah, because she's a gymnast,
34:56
obviously. Because she's a cheerleader.
34:58
I'm not sure why she isn't putting any of those gymnastic
35:00
tricks into her. Cheers.
35:02
Oh, but but she doesn't want to show the other girls up.
35:05
I think she's. You know, she's had to rehearse
35:08
funky chicken loose as you goose.
35:10
Yeah, with and you know that they were struggling in rehearse
35:13
in, in in practice. So she was like, I'm not going
35:15
to put the walk over in. It would just be embarrassing.
35:19
She also doesn't want to rock the boat, does she?
35:21
She's obsessed with being a cheerleader.
35:23
She wants to kind of, you know, stay in that lane.
35:26
She doesn't want to be a Slayer. She's the chosen one, but she
35:29
doesn't want to be. That's right.
35:31
This is the big conflict at the heart of this movie.
35:33
Yeah. Central problem that she's going
35:36
to have to overcome. Which is it?
35:38
But again, because the film is 90 minutes, she does kind of get
35:41
on with being a Slayer pretty quick.
35:44
There's that one scene where she goes, I don't want to do it and
35:47
he says, but I know about your dreams.
35:48
And she goes, OK. OK, yeah, it seems like, yeah,
35:52
he, because they have that graveyard fight scene and then
35:55
she's like, no, I'm not doing this, this is stupid.
35:57
And then he throws a knife at her head and she's like, I'm not
35:59
fucking like, now I'm really not doing it.
36:01
But then she punches him, and I think that kind of turns her on.
36:05
She's because basically from then on, she's like, OK, yeah,
36:08
cue the training montage. Yeah, she likes hitting men.
36:10
Well, she's a little gaslighter there, isn't she?
36:12
I've never hit anyone before. Yeah, Doom.
36:15
Really. Yeah.
36:17
I think you beat people. So during this training montage,
36:23
her school and friendships are suffering.
36:26
Buffy's changing. She's becoming, you know, a
36:30
woman, I'd say. She looks great post montage.
36:34
She's got like acid washed jeans and like a lumberjack shirt and
36:36
like her hair is like a bit more kind of like looks a bit more.
36:41
I don't know what's different about the hair but she does give
36:44
like suddenly like 90s vamp. Well, my theory is that she's
36:51
actually transitioning into a lesbian throughout this entire
36:54
movie because by the end she's got like a very serious bun.
36:57
She's on a motorcycle, and there's a man in the street
37:00
yelling dyke at her. Yeah.
37:02
Dyke. You're a dyke.
37:03
I'll tell everyone so. I think that's the real journey
37:08
at the heart of this movie. She's embracing her lesbianism,
37:11
and I think that's. Yeah, I think that's lovely.
37:13
I think that's really nice. Buffy saves Pike from a vampire
37:16
attack and they've got like a little spark going on and then
37:21
Merrick dies saving Buffy from Lothos.
37:24
Again, this is a very slow attack.
37:28
There's a knife that gets plunged into Merrick very
37:32
slowly, and Buffy, just Buffy's very calmly watches it happened.
37:38
He doesn't intervene, doesn't what's saying?
37:41
Because she hates men. Yeah, she's a lesbian.
37:43
She. Just goes sorry.
37:45
And then he's a bit like, oh, uh Oh, yeah.
37:48
He goes, oh, no, I'm dying. It's so bizarre.
37:53
It's so bizarre. And then she's like again, like
37:55
a very slow front flip when she could have just taken a few
37:58
steps and then just goes, sorry. And then this is the this is the
38:03
time when she meets Luthos. And then Merrick says it's not
38:07
her time yet. Or it's not.
38:09
She's not ready yet. For what?
38:11
What's she not ready for? Gross.
38:14
It's so weird. But you're right, it's so slow
38:16
for such a short film. It's very slow.
38:19
Exactly. It's a film of contradictions.
38:21
The speed of the action is wild. I also I can't believe in the
38:27
editing booth they couldn't have just fast forwarded like like
38:30
showed us in fast motion like the stab.
38:33
So it looked a bit more unavoidable, but it feels like
38:36
everything could have been done to stop this slow attack.
38:41
It's basically they had a one hour movie and they were like we
38:43
need it to get, we need to get to at least 120.
38:46
Five. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:47
Otherwise it won't get released. It's actually a pilot.
38:49
It's actually a 45 minute pilot that we need to make into a
38:53
film. Because also, that scene where
38:55
Merrick throws the knife at her head, he's got like one more
39:00
thing Reveal big wind up, slow throw.
39:06
It's like we could have just yeah, you know.
39:09
Anyway, people listening to this, you can't see what I did
39:13
but. It was exactly like the movie
39:15
so. Yeah.
39:17
Oh, yeah. What else?
39:18
Oh, Merrick dies and it says something about silence as he's
39:23
dying, and I didn't understand that, really, but I guess it
39:27
comes up later. Oh, and this is also just after.
39:29
Yeah, she steals a bike and the and the man she steals it from,
39:33
he doesn't seem concerned that she's stolen his motorbike.
39:35
She he just wants to shout you're a dyke.
39:37
Yeah, as she drives off, which that at least this movie hates
39:41
men. I think this movie hates.
39:42
Men. Yeah, which is good.
39:43
Yeah, it is good. We don't see her.
39:45
We only see him falling down. We don't see again any action of
39:49
her like throwing the guy or kicking the guy.
39:52
We just see a get on the bike. So you're right, we kind of have
39:55
to fill in a few of the blanks, but that's cool.
39:59
It's like when David Arquette is like taunting her with a hot dog
40:03
and she like pulls out a knife and then we don't see what.
40:05
Happened, but it's been chopped in half.
40:07
Yeah, his hot dog has been sliced down the middle.
40:10
Yeah, I think we could have showed that.
40:12
We could have showed that. I feel we've yeah, we also do we
40:15
all again, you were talking about Cassandra.
40:17
Cassandra is there on the bed has been abducted.
40:21
But then then we just hear that her like, body is found in the
40:24
hills or something, which is obviously not on that.
40:28
Maybe filling in the blanks is actually kind of Bruce ghoulish
40:33
enough. But yeah, I feel there's a lot
40:37
of action that's not to show. Insane.
40:41
Yeah, it's totally quite. I actually don't mind this about
40:44
it, but like, the tone is very obviously it's a satire.
40:46
And yeah, the friends don't care that their friend has just died
40:50
in this quite bizarre way. But I think it kind of makes the
40:53
movie kind of funny. Yeah, sort of.
40:57
Yeah. They're just worried about
40:58
whether or not she's going to get her yellow jacket.
40:59
Back. Oh yeah.
41:00
It's kind of Heather's in that darkly comic sort of way.
41:03
Anyway, then Buffy goes to this senior dance and yeah, I think
41:09
this is when she's looking her most lesbian.
41:11
I'm really into it. I love the dress.
41:13
The hair is, yeah. It's it's giving Captain Jane
41:17
way Voyager. Yeah, like serious bun.
41:21
I don't get lesbian from her in this movie, no Unless Luke Perry
41:25
is a lesbian as well and then I'm fully on board.
41:27
Yeah, I think so. Oh.
41:28
OK, OK, fine. If Luke's a lesbian, then yeah,
41:30
it makes sense to me now. Yeah, because he also comes like
41:33
leather jacket. Totally.
41:35
I get it now, yeah. Pompadour yeah, Luke Perry turns
41:39
up at the dance. And I'd say they've both kind of
41:42
had make unders is I think they were both looking more like the
41:48
movie wanted them to look like classic teen hotties prior to
41:54
the scene. And I can't believe I'm going to
41:57
say this, but I think Luke Perry looks better with a soul patch
41:59
but he shaves it off. The strange choices from the
42:01
wardrobe department for the dance scene.
42:04
And again, does Pike or Luke Perry even go to their school?
42:08
Yes. No, I don't.
42:11
I think he's like 25, right he? Looks old, he does.
42:15
He does look. He looks.
42:17
He looks 40. Yeah, RIP Luke Perry.
42:21
But yeah, he's yeah, He had a hard life.
42:23
I mean, I don't know if he did it, but he looks like he's had
42:25
one. Yeah, I believe it.
42:27
From That's like a drinker. What again, what's kind of nice
42:31
is when, like, people get on board with the fact that there
42:35
are vampires very quickly. Yes.
42:37
Like he goes, oh, my friend is a vampire.
42:40
He's floating outside when David Arquette is floating outside his
42:43
window. And then he I think he goes to
42:45
Buffy. He's a vampire, right?
42:46
And she goes, yeah. And he goes, OK.
42:48
Like they, like, we just, there's no time to like, we
42:51
don't have time for like any like we can't dive deeper into
42:55
any of these conversations. We just have to like get the
42:57
dialogue out and then like, move on.
42:59
Yeah, yeah, you're right. In some ways, this movie could
43:02
have spent a bit more time on those bits.
43:04
Yeah, and a little less time on watching someone do a forward
43:08
role. You're so right.
43:10
Then Lothos and a legion of vampires attack the school.
43:14
Lots of people get eaten. What makes a legion?
43:16
How many? How many are we talking?
43:18
Oh yeah. So I don't think there's that
43:19
many, are there? OK, I don't know is there, is
43:22
there 8? Polite.
43:24
A polite group. I don't.
43:25
Feel there's that many kids at the dance.
43:27
Either really poor shall we I? Think there's maybe 15 high
43:33
school students and probably 10 vampires maybe.
43:37
OK, maybe I got a bit carried away with Legion.
43:41
Yeah, a gaggle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:44
Buffy has a queen off with Emmalin Paul Rubens.
43:49
He's like super jealous of her relationship with Lothos.
43:52
They fight. I like the line.
43:55
He's at this point already lost his arm.
43:57
Yeah, and And he says. We're immortal, Buffy.
44:01
There's. Nothing.
44:01
We can do anything. Yeah, yeah.
44:04
She goes. I really clap.
44:06
Good. It's a good line.
44:08
It's a great line. She kills him and he has his
44:13
lols. Death scene, which I just
44:14
thought was the funniest thing I had ever seen when I was a
44:18
child. I.
44:19
Was about to say, are you being sarcastic right now?
44:21
Oh my God, eight to 10 year old me.
44:23
However old I was when I saw this, I could not stop doing
44:28
this. It was.
44:30
That was peak comedy for me then.
44:39
I feel it's very funny, but the film hasn't really earned the
44:43
the the moment of like then having this this ridiculous
44:49
scene. But maybe, maybe that's me
44:52
being. No, I think you're totally.
44:54
Right. I don't think we know what world
44:56
we're living like. Are we living in it?
44:57
Like I feel it's like not campy enough to be like, oh, I'm dead,
45:02
like, because everyone else has just died properly.
45:05
And then it's quite yeah, I just don't know.
45:08
It feels like, oh, let's do this funny bit and like, maybe that's
45:11
maybe that's when the argument happened and just we just
45:13
stormed off stage because he was just like, I don't know what,
45:16
what where we're living anymore. I think that's that's fair.
45:19
Enough. But again, it's the timing
45:21
thing, the running order. Oh shit, we're running under
45:24
again. Now we just need to extend it.
45:27
It's a constant push and pull of timing, isn't it?
45:29
Slow down, speed up, slow down. Paul Rubens, just can you
45:33
improvise something here? Because apparently this was
45:35
improvised. So here they're just like, I can
45:38
tell. Just just just go for 30
45:40
seconds. What?
45:40
We need everything you've got. Yeah, you can tell.
45:45
Yeah. You're so you're so right about
45:46
the tone. It's like, sometimes it's like
45:48
full spoof, like in this death scene, it's like, you know,
45:53
Naked Gun, like it's just full ridiculous slapstick spoof.
45:57
And then other times it's like kind of gentle satire where
46:00
you're laughing at like 90s teen girls.
46:04
And it's like the the jokes are about the the dialogue, but
46:07
like, you know, it's not supposed to be big side
46:10
splitting laughs. And then sometimes you're
46:12
supposed to care about the characters.
46:13
It's it's a bit of a mess. That way a little bit, a little
46:18
bit unsure as where it wants to live.
46:21
Yeah, but then we've got our final fight scene, which again,
46:25
you know, hard to say nice things about this fight scene,
46:28
I'd say. But she has her shirt on with
46:30
Lothos and she wins. Yeah, and she wins.
46:34
Quite. Easily, Yeah.
46:36
After all this, he was actually pretty easy to bring down.
46:40
Turns out she was ready. She was.
46:43
Ready, Buffy, who's killed I think maybe a handful of
46:47
vampires before this point. Yeah, it feels like she's.
46:51
She's really like, come on. Leaps and bounds very quickly,
46:54
yeah. And then she's.
46:55
Killed this. He never really has her on the
46:57
ropes, does he? Ever.
46:58
He just stands there and no. Well, at one point when he's
47:00
like, whispering in her ear and like, pulling the ribbon around
47:03
her neck, he clearly has some kind of hold over her.
47:06
What? What the hold is when we're not.
47:09
Oh yeah. That's that's when the music
47:13
stops and it's something to do with music.
47:15
Luke Perry kills David Arquette, which shorts up the power, and
47:18
it turns off the music and the dance and the music ends and
47:21
that's what breaks his spell. Oh.
47:26
Yeah, and that's, that's what Merrick was trying to say as he
47:29
was dying. Guys, God, weren't you paying
47:32
attention? It was very clear.
47:33
Merrick could have said that so many times before it was too
47:37
late. He could have said, yeah, so
47:39
First things first. There's a there's a very big
47:41
bad, evil vampire. And the first thing I want you
47:43
to know is that when the music stops, he's easy to go.
47:46
Yeah, yeah. Wow, wow, wow.
47:50
Yeah, I like Lothos. When he dies though, he says
47:52
oops like he shit himself. Yeah, I found the way he called
47:57
Buffy a bitch twice, quite venomous from someone who hears
48:03
and says the word bitch in a very loving, affectionate way.
48:08
Having like a man call a woman a bitch felt.
48:14
I was like, I was like, I was really taken aback.
48:18
Totally. It was like really dripping in
48:20
like. And he's like a 70 year old man.
48:23
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calling this like 16 year old
48:26
girl. Yeah, yeah, he's just smacking
48:27
her around and calling her a bitch.
48:29
Also he also says come into my eyes, which I thought was an
48:32
interesting turn of phrase. Does it have that all?
48:36
Yeah, yeah. Who is not?
48:38
Who amongst us has never said that you ever got come in your
48:42
eye? It burns.
48:46
You ever get come in your eye, Gabriel?
48:47
It burns. OK, well, that's Buffy the
48:52
movie. Oh, no.
48:53
Then she kisses. She gets on a bike with Luke
48:57
Perry and rides off into the sunset.
48:59
Yeah. And again, I'm not sure if the
49:02
film has earned these two characters riding off together,
49:06
you know? And you're like, I don't know if
49:07
these two even like each other. Yeah, yeah, I guess.
49:11
Well, they've kissed a lot and. They've kissed a lot.
49:15
I think his arc, if I was going to be generous and give him one.
49:18
An arc. Wow.
49:19
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think what the movie thinks
49:22
they've done with his arc is that he's like a bad boy who's
49:25
kind of Snooty and judgmental of like shallow girls, and he
49:30
realizes there's more depth to her than he thought and accepts
49:34
her for who she is because she is a.
49:37
Shallow. Yeah, but he, well, exactly
49:40
because he says you're not like other girls, she says.
49:42
Yes, I am. Yeah, that's.
49:45
The thing like she's completely just embracing non core and she
49:48
doesn't break away from it at all.
49:49
She just wants to be a cheerleader.
49:51
He's like, oh, you're not like any other girls because you're
49:53
this like Slayer. You've got you're the chosen
49:55
one. She's like, no, I'm like all
49:57
other girls and you ride the motorbike at the end because I'm
50:01
just a girl. All I want to do is graduate
50:04
from high school. Go to Europe, marry Christian
50:07
Slater and die. What about when they've killed I
50:12
think a few, quite a few vampires at the dance and they
50:14
say Buffy, like, come out, you know, sort of.
50:17
She's summoned at the dance, and he takes off his heavy leather
50:21
jacket and throws it at her for her to put on.
50:25
It feels like putting on a leather jacket to go into
50:29
physical combat is not the sort of like gesture he thinks it is.
50:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like it's going to be a
50:38
hindrance. Like, why didn't you bring her a
50:41
lovely, I don't know, a. Lucas.
50:43
Neck armor. Yeah, he did.
50:45
He did customize her gown though by tearing off the length, which
50:48
could have been a tripping hazard and easy.
50:50
So he did kind of help alter the garment so.
50:54
I mean, her shoulders will be so sculpted by the time she's.
50:57
Finished honestly. Sort of weighted the jacket
51:01
she's got on. Lack of freedom of movement.
51:04
Teardrop shoulders afterwards. Yeah, if, if they're going to do
51:07
that, like let's have a payoff, let's have a moment where like
51:11
someone tries to bite her but they can't preach her because of
51:13
the high neck of the jacket. You know, it's saved.
51:16
The jacket saves. And it can happen really slowly
51:19
in the style of the film, so they can be like coming towards
51:23
the fangs out and she can just go.
51:25
Pops collar. Collar out and then the the
51:28
teeth can go into the leather and that can slow the and then
51:31
she can slowly of course bite the vampire off.
51:35
I mean, she really is never in danger in this movie, is she
51:38
not? Really.
51:38
There's no, no, there's nothing. When they drive off, have they
51:41
just left a bunch of other vampires alive?
51:46
Like yeah, all the other vampires?
51:48
Or did they just kind of get killed by the student body
51:51
maybe? Killed by the student body or
51:53
have they like kind of running back into hiding to regroup
51:57
after? But then is Lothos Lothos?
52:00
Is he the the leader? Like, I don't know if he's the
52:03
leader or if he's just the guy who's like, dressed like he's in
52:06
a panto. The old gay, Yeah, And they're.
52:08
Just like, oh, he's dead, OK. Like we met him yesterday.
52:11
Like we actually don't roll with him that much, but we thought
52:14
we'd like, we thought we'd come and like, yeah, so many
52:18
unanswered questions as to what what is next.
52:22
But then obviously we we get what happens next.
52:24
We get seven years of it. Yeah, I mean, I was fully
52:27
prepared for her to burn down the school.
52:29
Like all of Season 1 of Buffy, it's talking about how she used
52:33
to be at another school and she burned it down.
52:35
And she's like, I had to do that because they were vampires.
52:38
She doesn't burn down the fucking school.
52:39
At all. And that would have been an
52:41
amazing out that the payoff of that, knowing that that's what
52:45
they talk about in Season 1. Yeah, I would have forgiven
52:48
everything else. But instead.
52:52
We don't even get that. Yeah.
52:54
Some windows got broken. Excuse much?
52:57
Rude or anything? Yeah.
52:58
So I guess anyone's big thoughts on this movie?
53:02
It's 90 minutes. Yeah.
53:06
And I'm really glad it happened because we got what we got
53:10
later. Yeah, we can give it its flowers
53:13
for that. Yeah, I'm glad that the
53:14
character of Buffy no longer gets cramps when the vampires
53:19
are near. I think that's an That was a
53:21
detail that I'm glad was workshopped and then was left in
53:26
the film. Yeah, I was trying to decide how
53:28
I felt about that, that idea. I was like, is that kind of, is
53:32
it kind of reductive and like women's stuff or is it like, is
53:38
there a world where you can see it as like, you know, using your
53:42
definitely. Yeah, Yeah.
53:44
And like actually celebrating that.
53:47
I think, again, this movie is trying to say that quite a lot.
53:50
It's like you can be feminine and tough, but I think sometimes
53:56
it doesn't know how to say that effectively.
53:58
Doesn't know how to say that. And there's also been no,
54:01
there's been we've been skimming the surface of all these
54:04
thoughts. We don't actually dig deep into
54:07
the totally into whether we can be tough and feminine.
54:10
Totally. But I was wondering like is
54:12
Buffy the First? Like is she the 1st girl boss
54:15
maybe in this movie? Do you know what I mean?
54:18
Like she's kind of like early 3rd wave feminism where it's
54:21
like you can be materialistic and also like tough or yeah,
54:27
have something else happen. All.
54:29
Yeah, yeah. Are you mad?
54:31
Are you trying to tell me that Buffy's the first ever go boss
54:35
in this movie? No, I think there's.
54:37
Something I'm like what am I? Listening to you just came back
54:39
into this. You were you were ruling around
54:41
plugging wires in you you've missed.
54:44
Don't. Don't just take a gem of
54:45
conversation out of context, OK? Well, I don't know, like when
54:52
did when did third wave feminism really kick off?
54:54
This movie is that. It's probably like, it's
54:58
probably like a late 80s sort of thing, right?
55:01
Anyway, I'm, I'm definitely not going to give this movie credit
55:04
for launching 3rd wave feminism, but I, I think it's an
55:08
interesting time capsule in that idea of like kind of the
55:12
reclamation of femininity. And like, just because you're
55:16
say, materialistic or interested in, in what the media were
55:20
calling girly things, it doesn't mean you can't also be the hero
55:23
and, you know, kick ass. I think that's kind of basically
55:29
the Spice Girls were cribbing from here.
55:31
Yeah, I see, I see, I see the train of thought.
55:34
Yeah, yeah. But I think that's giving this
55:36
movie, you know, obviously, far too much credit.
55:37
I was just like, God, I'm going to have to say something about
55:40
it. Yeah.
55:41
I mean, that's just like the rules of feminism.
55:44
I think she's funny, I think she's a good, I think she does
55:46
the part well. Yeah, our MAGA.
55:49
Queen and I love the acid washed jeans lumberjack blown out hair
55:53
look. I thought, God, you know, put
55:56
you in a 90s coffee commercial and you you would have made
55:59
1,000,000 bucks. I mean, obviously we hate, we
56:02
hate her now because of what you were saying, you know, about how
56:06
she's ended. Up.
56:06
Yeah, I. Looked at her and I was like,
56:09
you've got, you've got the goods to be kind of like a leading
56:12
lady in Hollywood. Like, you've got enough
56:14
charisma. You look the part.
56:17
Like, yeah, I was kind of just surprised that nothing happened
56:20
for her. Yeah.
56:21
But maybe that's where like the evil of Sarah Michelle Gellar
56:26
creeps in. Is Sarah Michelle Gellar evil?
56:30
I think so. Yeah, I definitely think so.
56:32
Really. No, she's all right.
56:34
I'm just, I'm just doing it because I know that Crystal
56:36
loves Buffy so much. I just kind of try to stir the
56:38
pot, but no, I do. I do think what a shame that
56:41
this young actor didn't get a chance to really hit the big
56:45
time. So yeah, a bit sad for her.
56:47
Maybe she wouldn't have turned so ultra right wing if she'd
56:51
just had a bit more success, yeah.
56:53
It must be very hard, although maybe I don't know how really
56:57
how old she was when the film came out and then how when the
56:59
TV show would come out like what, how you know, she might
57:02
have been like all completely like uncut or, you know, not
57:05
suitable for a 16 year old character at the time.
57:10
But then it psychologically, it must be like my film did shit
57:14
and then this TV show is doing incredibly well.
57:17
That's a hard pill to swallow. Because especially it's not just
57:21
like one, you're right. It's not just like remake of the
57:23
film, just one film. It's an ongoing TV series where
57:28
comparison is just there for seven years.
57:30
Yeah, and the writer is like, fuck that movie.
57:34
It's shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:35
And. The entire fandom is like,
57:37
that's garbage. We love this.
57:39
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That might turn you right wing.
57:43
You turn to something for sure. Fool you, whore.
57:48
I think this movie works best when it's kind of got that
57:51
Heather's vibe. It's like it's kind of
57:53
satirical, but it's not trying to be like gut busting funny.
57:57
It's not doing like pratfalls and sight gags.
58:02
It's more like great use of language.
58:04
Like we've already talked about some of the great quotes from it
58:06
and stuff. I think it could have pushed
58:08
more into like, yeah, it could have just have taken itself
58:12
further with like the, the, the dialogue and the, the characters
58:15
just get, I think there's too many.
58:17
I think because there's like 3-3 or four, there's like 3 boys,
58:21
including her boyfriend. And then there's like the three
58:23
girls and then Buffy and then the two bad boys.
58:27
And there's, as we've said, there's 90 minutes.
58:29
There's actually not enough time to like learn anyone's name.
58:32
And then Cassandra goes, but then they're not actually
58:34
friends with Cassandra as I feel like, yes.
58:38
Whereas if they could have worked on a bit more of like the
58:41
character development, maybe we could have gotten because I I
58:45
didn't even clock that Hilary Swank was like that mean.
58:48
But then you at the start of that the podcast were like the
58:51
the, you know, the high school bitch.
58:53
And I was like, Oh yeah, I suppose she's like kind of a
58:55
bitch, but she's not even enough of a bitch for me to have
58:58
registered like she's the bitch. I mean that just there's just
59:01
like not enough. Yeah, you're right.
59:03
I mean, basically all of the girlfriends are interchangeable.
59:05
It's just that Hilary Swank has the most lines, right?
59:08
And she's the one who buys the jacket and tells True not to buy
59:12
the jacket. So I'm like, what a cunt.
59:14
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 1. 100%. Oh, the other thing I would
59:19
criticize about this movie, just, you know, add some more
59:23
fuel to the fire. There is no score.
59:25
So much of the action is taking place in like complete silence
59:29
and it really, really dart like I'm I'm not someone who
59:33
necessarily thinks about the score of a movie very much.
59:35
Like it just kind of washes over me and I just trust that it's
59:39
they're doing its job and setting a tone.
59:41
But this movie, I was so conscious of how quiet it was
59:44
constantly. And like they're supposed to be
59:46
tension and like, pardon the pun, stakes and you're just,
59:51
you've got nothing because there's no like stabs of music.
59:54
There's no like creepy sounds. There's no, none of it happens.
59:58
It's not even. Yeah.
1:00:00
And I guess they just maybe didn't have the money or maybe
1:00:04
the people doing this, we're all kind of fresh in their career
1:00:07
and didn't really know what to do.
1:00:08
But it really made things feel super flat, and it probably made
1:00:12
things feel a lot slower too. Yeah, sometimes something bit of
1:00:21
pace, Yeah, you're right. There's no, but then there is
1:00:23
some great. There's some great like 90s like
1:00:28
like power rock and like power ballad songs.
1:00:31
Yeah, yeah. So for.
1:00:32
When people are walking through the graveyard, there's no,
1:00:35
there's no suspense, really. Yeah.
1:00:37
And like during the fight scenes as well, there's nothing.
1:00:38
And like, yeah, they're in the dance scene and they're dancing
1:00:41
to like a slow MO to it. They're dancing to like a slow
1:00:44
dance song, 90s slow dance song. And that makes sense.
1:00:46
That works. And then that song just carries
1:00:48
on when she goes outside to fight the vampires and you're
1:00:51
like, well now Buffy's fighting a bunch of vampires to a 90s
1:00:55
slow dance song and this just does not work.
1:00:58
Old choice, but you're right, maybe I mean 7,000,000 is that
1:01:02
not that's, I mean obviously sounds like quite a lot of
1:01:04
money, but I guess maybe for a film it's not not the biggest
1:01:09
budget. Ever.
1:01:10
But then what did they spend it on?
1:01:12
Maybe it reminded me quite a lot of Vamp.
1:01:15
I was thinking it reminds me a lot of Vamp.
1:01:17
At least that had Grace Jones. Yeah.
1:01:20
Do you know what I mean? This doesn't have Grace Jones in
1:01:22
it, does it? And strippers.
1:01:24
They even have a shell 5 for sister in it.
1:01:28
Come on. Yeah, what's VAM?
1:01:30
Don't need to watch Vamp. No, but you but YouTube Grace
1:01:37
Jones Vamp because there's like a performance where she's in a
1:01:39
strip club doing like performance art and it's like a
1:01:43
few minutes long. That's all you need to see of
1:01:44
that movie. Yeah, it's that part's great.
1:01:48
Yeah, but it's also just a very low budget vampire movie.
1:01:50
And yet. But I'd say even that one
1:01:51
sometimes feels like they spent the money a bit more cleverly.
1:01:55
Like I said, had some fun practical effects.
1:01:57
It had some like fun scares and stuff.
1:01:59
It feels like in this era of filmmaking, everything's got
1:02:02
into a bit of a rut. Like this is kind of like right,
1:02:06
80s nineties aesthetic that everyone's into.
1:02:09
There's the kind of the slight kind of campy humor, like, oh,
1:02:13
we're parodying horror, We're in it a bit, but it's just all
1:02:15
getting a bit stale in this era. Do you know what I mean?
1:02:19
Like because there's a few films from this era the same sort of
1:02:21
kind of, oh, it's like a comedy horror and they're just a kind
1:02:24
of the same energy. They're not quite as fun as they
1:02:29
should be. Yeah, not really hitting the
1:02:32
mark. It's not like you were saying
1:02:34
they could have been a bit cleverer with like suspense or
1:02:38
with like the scares. When Luke there's a the when
1:02:43
Pike is in his van and then is it David Arquette's vampire self
1:02:47
like jumps out at him and then he like looks in his rear view
1:02:50
mirror and there's there's two other vampires walking really
1:02:54
slowly towards the van. So then he like eventually can
1:02:58
turn on the the van. He like runs over the vampires
1:03:01
and then like runs over David Arquette and drives away, I
1:03:03
think. But like everything happens so
1:03:05
slowly and so obviously, so like I was like, Oh my God, he's
1:03:09
going to move the wing mirror or the the rearview mirror and then
1:03:12
not see David Arquette because he can't have a reflection.
1:03:15
And then he's going to turn around and David Arquette's
1:03:17
there in the back of the van. Like I couldn't remember, but I
1:03:19
was like, Oh, something scary is going to happen.
1:03:22
Nothing happens and it's not scary and it's there's no
1:03:25
suspense and it's so slut. Whereas if they'd just been a
1:03:28
lit and then it but then it wasn't funny enough, like there
1:03:30
wasn't so like it could be like vampires walking like in scary
1:03:34
movie that you know, that parody film, like that's not scary, but
1:03:38
that is, you know, well, I don't know how well it's aged,
1:03:41
probably not amazing, but like it was funny.
1:03:44
Like they, you know, they made like the scream mask, the guy in
1:03:47
the scream mask, like trip up and at least that's like
1:03:50
physical comedy. I was like I was watching it.
1:03:53
I was like, this isn't scary and it's not funny and nothing's
1:03:56
happening. What are we doing?
1:04:00
So yeah, maybe the film just didn't quite know which lane it
1:04:03
was in. Well, it was your choice.
1:04:06
I know, I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm glad I picked the
1:04:11
homework. I'm glad the homework was 90
1:04:13
minutes. It's been lovely to chat to you
1:04:15
too about it and I'm excited to maybe not ever watch it again.
1:04:22
I'm so glad that's where you got to because I was like, oh, if
1:04:24
this is like one of your favorite films, I'm like, oh.
1:04:27
No, it's bad. Yeah, OK, It's a bad.
1:04:30
Film. It's a fully bad film.
1:04:32
OK, I think we should rate this movie.
1:04:34
There's nothing left to say. We've got the camper meter.
1:04:37
We give a movie 1 to 10 Merrill's.
1:04:40
You know how that thrills me? OK.
1:04:42
For the quality of the movie, that's things like, you know,
1:04:46
the cinematography, the script, the performances, etcetera, the
1:04:49
plot, all of that. And then we give it one to 10
1:04:51
Eliza's for the camp factor. How camp is that movie?
1:04:56
So we'll start with Merrill's the quality of this movie.
1:05:00
One, it's a 1. I don't even really know what
1:05:03
I'm giving the one for, but. I think I'm yeah, sure, Farrah,
1:05:10
I'll give it. I'll give it 2.
1:05:14
And again, I don't really know why.
1:05:17
I guess I'll say that Percy Swanson does a pretty good job
1:05:21
with not a lot to do. There's some great physical
1:05:24
performance moments from her and I think she's kind of believable
1:05:27
as the character. So despite her being a MAGA
1:05:31
queen, I'm going to give her two Merrells.
1:05:36
I had three in my head, but I think maybe you're correct it
1:05:41
too. I would probably wear a lot of
1:05:44
Buffy's wardrobe, like great those.
1:05:46
Like I was kind of watching. I was like, I'd wear those
1:05:48
jeans. Like I'd love that kind of
1:05:50
cropped jumper she's wearing. I would wear that.
1:05:52
So that was kind of nice to like, watch, watch on my screen.
1:05:56
Yeah. That's a good enough reason.
1:05:59
I feel like films, I feel like films have been rated higher
1:06:02
actually for the wardrobe. So.
1:06:03
And yeah, some of the performances were some.
1:06:07
Yeah, some. Some of the performances had
1:06:08
funny moments. There's room for everyone, let's
1:06:16
just say that. OK, Well, what about Liza's?
1:06:19
How camp is this movie 1 to 10? I I wish.
1:06:24
We can, yeah, We can return to the list real quick because.
1:06:28
But I think it's going to be one of those funny ones where if you
1:06:30
compare it to the list, it sounds good on paper.
1:06:33
Unlocks queer joy. OK.
1:06:36
Maybe that's where it's going to fall down.
1:06:38
Ongoing legacy, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:06:41
But wait, Buffy the TV series has an ongoing legacy.
1:06:45
Does this film? Well, it's where, yeah, but it's
1:06:48
not the legacy. Starting no, but the legacy is
1:06:51
the TV show. The film has 0 legacy.
1:06:54
OK, fine. Underdog flop vibes.
1:06:57
Yeah, and so stupid. It's genius.
1:06:59
It is very stupid, but it's not. Genius.
1:07:02
It's not so stupid it's fun either.
1:07:04
Like. Yeah.
1:07:05
No, no. I think it's probably a 5.
1:07:09
Fair. Fair.
1:07:11
I think I'm gonna be a bit harsher and maybe go for a four.
1:07:17
Yeah, it's hitting A4 for me as well.
1:07:20
I often look back to the criminally underrated Catwoman
1:07:24
on this podcast that only got 6 out of 10 camp and it is a camp
1:07:28
classic. So I can't I can't be giving it
1:07:31
A5. Halle Berry's.
1:07:33
Yeah, absolutely. Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, what
1:07:36
else do you need to say? 6 I believe that got on this
1:07:38
podcast, so it means nothing anyway.
1:07:40
But yeah, I'm going to give it a four as well.
1:07:43
And I'm mostly going to give them to Rutger Hauer's blowout.
1:07:46
The rules of feminism. As a result of this, I want to
1:07:49
go. It was also on the list he sent
1:07:50
me the lost boys. I wonder how that if that has,
1:07:56
if that pushed a bit further into we're doing, we're doing
1:08:00
silly and it's going to be like glam, like kind of glam 80s and
1:08:04
like good or will that be like kind of underwhelming as well?
1:08:08
I watched that for the first time like within the last year,
1:08:12
and I was a little underwhelmed. Yeah, I was a little
1:08:17
underwhelmed. It what it also reminded me of
1:08:19
this movie. I think it's, it's like it's a
1:08:22
bit of a smarter movie and it's got a bit more to say and it's
1:08:26
it's definitely got like stuff to redeem it.
1:08:27
But Even so, I was a bit like, I wanted this to be better because
1:08:31
people, it is like a legendary movie, Lost Boys.
1:08:34
I think maybe when you've seen like a bit more gore and a bit
1:08:37
more like special effects, it's like quite hard to go back and
1:08:41
see like party city like vampire bangs and like, and then like
1:08:48
running away and no like no like kill scene.
1:08:50
I think that's maybe quite like hard to like get on board with.
1:08:55
It's always also hard, I think, with a comedy to like, I think
1:08:58
they age the worst typically. And it's it's also impossible to
1:09:03
know, like, how funny was this at the time?
1:09:07
I mean, did people think it was funny?
1:09:10
I mean, I certainly did as an 8 year old.
1:09:12
I thought it was hilarious. Yeah.
1:09:14
But yeah, like, it's hard to know.
1:09:16
It's hard to know. Get in touch, e-mail in.
1:09:18
If you remember if it was funny 20 years ago, Was this funny?
1:09:24
We don't know. OK, well, there you have it.
1:09:27
That's Buffy the movie. Chris, thank you so much for
1:09:30
being here. Where can people find you?
1:09:32
They can find me at Christopher Hall with an X instead of the I
1:09:36
on Instagram and TikTok and on my podcast.
1:09:43
They hydrated with my little sister.
1:09:44
Of it. Thank you so much for being
1:09:45
here. And thanks so much for having
1:09:47
me. This was so much fun.
1:09:48
I'm so glad we did that. Yeah.
1:09:49
And please come back soon to talk about a good movie, yes?
1:09:52
Oh, my God, I would love to. Yeah.
1:09:55
I feel everyone's like, oh, these like Debbie Downers.
1:09:57
Just wait until I talk to you about Second City or let's
1:10:00
listen Charlie's angels full for all.
1:10:03
I can. We'll be here all day.
1:10:05
Yeah, you, you can have first dibs on that.
1:10:07
And the first wives club as well.
1:10:09
We're going to leave those ones for you, Chris, so.
1:10:11
Oh my God, thank you. We'll be back in two more weeks.
1:10:14
In the meantime, get out of our facials.
1:10:18
Bye bye. Get away from her.
1:10:23
You. Bitch.
1:10:25
Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
1:10:28
when she was researching spiders right before she died.
1:10:32
No, Hannah, you thought you could call a prostitute or.
1:10:39
Go get it I. Used to love.
1:10:41
Doggy chow I used. To love doggy chows too.