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Tamar Braxton Gives The Divorce Advice You Need To Hear · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:18
Speaker 1: So I do Part two.
0:19
Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentor Joan Bassis here with you, and
0:22
Speaker 2: today I am so honored to be speaking to my
0:25
Speaker 2: guest and fellow Marylander, an incredible vocalist, actress, and TV
0:29
Speaker 2: reality star who's also in her chapter two. She's got
0:32
Speaker 2: a new movie called Stepfather coming out this week and
0:35
Speaker 2: I can't wait to connect with her. So let's not
0:38
Speaker 2: waste any more time. Welcome Tamar Raxton.
0:41
Speaker 1: Hi.
0:43
Speaker 2: I read, first of all, I just got to go
0:45
Speaker 2: through the Maryland thing. I read that you grew up
0:46
Speaker 2: here in Severn, Maryland.
0:48
Speaker 1: I did, what do you mean here? That's where you
0:49
Speaker 1: grew up this week?
0:51
Speaker 2: And I'm here right now. It's where I used to live.
0:53
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes I did. I did.
0:55
Speaker 2: I didn't know we had such a big start from
0:57
Speaker 2: living right down the street.
0:58
Speaker 1: Yes.
1:00
Speaker 2: Wow, when did you leave Maryland? How old are you?
1:03
Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old. I'd eighteen when I led.
1:07
Speaker 2: You went to high school here?
1:08
Speaker 1: I did? I went to an old male and Archbishop Spalding.
1:12
Speaker 2: Oh did you really? So my son went to Gonzaga,
1:15
Speaker 2: so you probably they probably played games against each other.
1:17
Speaker 2: So yeah, I love to hear that. Do you come
1:20
Speaker 2: back here often or has your.
1:22
Speaker 1: My dad still lives in Baltimore and my brother still
1:26
Speaker 1: lives there as well. My brother lives in glen Burney
1:28
Speaker 1: and yeah, down the street, so yeah, come there quite often.
1:32
Speaker 1: Actually good.
1:33
Speaker 2: Well, maybe we'll run into each other one day. Now
1:35
Speaker 2: that we know each other absolutely, we have a lot
1:38
Speaker 2: to discuss, including your new movie. But we are on
1:42
Speaker 2: a radio show called I Do Pop Part two and
1:45
Speaker 2: it's a podcast all about relationships. So I would love
1:48
Speaker 2: to talk to you about your kind of love journey
1:51
Speaker 2: before we get into all the other juicy stuff that
1:53
Speaker 2: we have to talk about. So is it okay if
1:55
Speaker 2: I ask you a few questions about you got to
1:57
Speaker 2: be who you are and where you are?
1:59
Speaker 1: Okay? All right?
2:01
Speaker 2: So here's this is a softball this first one, What
2:04
Speaker 2: was your first example of love that you can remember
2:08
Speaker 2: and like, what did it teach you?
2:10
Speaker 1: Oh? Wow, that's such a very strong question. My first example,
2:15
Speaker 1: I think my first true example was when I gave
2:18
Speaker 1: birth to my son. I felt like that was the
2:24
Speaker 1: love that I was searching for all of my life.
2:28
Speaker 1: The kind of love that doesn't have a color, a gender.
2:33
Speaker 1: It's a feeling of acceptance and kindness and warmth. And
2:39
Speaker 1: I think that's the first time that I ever felt
2:42
Speaker 1: love when someone loves, when someone is there unconditionally and
2:46
Speaker 1: without any questions. They just felt like they belonged, and
2:49
Speaker 1: I felt like.
2:50
Speaker 2: I belonged and loved you no matter what. I know.
2:53
Speaker 2: You know, I remember kind of the same feeling when
2:55
Speaker 2: my son was born, and that like my like my
2:59
Speaker 2: life was like whole, completely whole at that point, like
3:02
Speaker 2: all the uses fit together finally.
3:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no wrong, there was no right.
3:06
Speaker 2: It's just it's just pure, underdulterated, like pure love. Yeah,
3:10
Speaker 2: I get that so much. I love that answer. I
3:12
Speaker 2: thought you might talk about like a parent love, but boy,
3:15
Speaker 2: you're right, like that child love is so different and
3:18
Speaker 2: so encompassing. So I love your answer. And you know,
3:21
Speaker 2: actually talking about families, I love the whole birth order
3:24
Speaker 2: of conversation and about how it kind of shapes us
3:27
Speaker 2: a little bit. And you were the youngest of a
3:30
Speaker 2: pretty big family. Now I have four kids of my own,
3:32
Speaker 2: and I know how everybody in the family kind of
3:36
Speaker 2: loves that youngest child in a little bit of a
3:38
Speaker 2: different way. I wonder if you did you receive any
3:41
Speaker 2: special kind of love growing up, because you were the
3:45
Speaker 2: baby in such a big family.
3:47
Speaker 1: You know, I think my sisters would say yes, yes,
3:52
Speaker 1: I would say no, only because, you know, as the
3:55
Speaker 1: youngest of majority of women and my family, you think
4:00
Speaker 1: that I was the most different than everyone. I was loudest,
4:05
Speaker 1: I was opinionated, and I think that was different from
4:08
Speaker 1: my family. And so I think that as the youngest,
4:13
Speaker 1: I was just always trying to find out where I belonged.
4:18
Speaker 1: Although I knew that my family loved me and adored me,
4:23
Speaker 1: it was just that I was different, and I was
4:25
Speaker 1: just always trying to figure out just where I fit.
4:28
Speaker 2: So instead of being like enveloped, you felt like you
4:31
Speaker 2: were a little bit more the outcast or like, yeah,
4:34
Speaker 2: just a little different than everybody else. You know, they say,
4:37
Speaker 2: like some of the characteristics of the youngest I see
4:39
Speaker 2: in you a lot, Like you're very care free, and
4:42
Speaker 2: you're charismatic, and you're super outgoing, you're a little outspoken.
4:46
Speaker 2: Like the things that you know that that baby or
4:49
Speaker 2: the youngest in the family, those traits that they kind
4:53
Speaker 2: of enveloped.
4:55
Speaker 1: You know.
4:55
Speaker 2: One of the traits is also that they're risk tolerant.
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Speaker 2: Do you consider yourself to be kind of risk like
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Speaker 2: you're a little braver, a little more like daring.
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Speaker 1: Oh. Absolutely, I take risks every day. Yeah, I think
5:09
Speaker 1: growing up seeing my sisters, I feel like I've watched
5:12
Speaker 1: them be safe all the time, right, And for me,
5:17
Speaker 1: I just always went for whatever I felt, you know,
5:20
Speaker 1: And it didn't matter how long it took, it didn't
5:22
Speaker 1: matter if it was scary, it didn't it didn't matter.
5:25
Speaker 1: I just I just went for what I believed. And
5:28
Speaker 1: I'm still like that today. I'm the first person to
5:31
Speaker 1: speak about things and I don't care. Yeah, I feel something,
5:36
Speaker 1: I just go for it. And I don't know. I
5:39
Speaker 1: think it has everything to do with watching people be careful,
5:44
Speaker 1: and I feel like watching them miss out on things
5:47
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to do that. Yeah.
5:50
Speaker 2: Do you think it's gotten you a lot more opportunities
5:52
Speaker 2: in life? By saying yes to everything or even things
5:56
Speaker 2: that you were like a little nervous about you say
5:58
Speaker 2: yes to.
6:00
Speaker 1: Do I feel like it's got me more, I guess. So,
6:02
Speaker 1: I guess so, yeah, because you know, I actually just
6:06
Speaker 1: do what I feel is right, or do what I feel,
6:08
Speaker 1: you know, fits me at the moment. And so and
6:12
Speaker 1: I guess people see that as a strength, you know,
6:16
Speaker 1: I just see that as who I am. Yeah. Yeah,
6:20
Speaker 1: but if it doesn't feel right, I'm not doing it,
6:22
Speaker 1: you're not doing it.
6:23
Speaker 2: So for a lot of us, that's like an evolution.
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Speaker 2: I've been like the I'm the first child in the family,
6:28
Speaker 2: so I and I am like a risk adverse up
6:31
Speaker 2: until I turned like entered my sixties, and now I
6:35
Speaker 2: say yes to every sixty. I'm sixty three. Yeah, I
6:39
Speaker 2: have four kids, I have three grandkids and two more
6:42
Speaker 2: that are being born this week. So yeah, you better work.
6:46
Speaker 1: I know they look amazing.
6:49
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for saying that. But I feel
6:52
Speaker 2: like I never took any risk, and now that I
6:54
Speaker 2: take risk, I wish I had done it at a
6:56
Speaker 2: younger age like you. So like fortune favors of old,
7:00
Speaker 2: and I truly believe that now so here I am
7:02
Speaker 2: like talking to you, something I would have been way
7:04
Speaker 2: too shy to do. So I'm so happy to be here.
7:08
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I'm not scared to do things
7:10
Speaker 2: anymore exactly, But I do want to ask you. So
7:13
Speaker 2: this is a podcast about love, and I know that
7:15
Speaker 2: you have been like really successful finding love. A lot
7:18
Speaker 2: of people never find one. You've found at least three
7:21
Speaker 2: because you've been married. I think three times.
7:23
Speaker 1: Is very working off for Oh you go, girl, I
7:27
Speaker 1: hope you find it.
7:28
Speaker 2: Can you tell me a little bit about what you
7:31
Speaker 2: have learned from some of these relationships and have they
7:35
Speaker 2: made you change your life in any way?
7:38
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I learned the most from my last relationship.
7:43
Speaker 1: I think that I was looking for all the love
7:47
Speaker 1: that I was supposed to have for myself in that situation. Yeah,
7:51
Speaker 1: And when that situation ended, it forced me to face
7:58
Speaker 1: everything about myself that I didn't like about myself and
8:00
Speaker 1: start to love those things and accept myself for who
8:03
Speaker 1: I was one hundred percent, because you know, I just
8:06
Speaker 1: felt like I would always while I was just talking
8:10
Speaker 1: about this earlier with one of the producers here, I
8:11
Speaker 1: felt like I was always kind of dumbing myself down
8:14
Speaker 1: in a relationship to make somebody else feel better about
8:18
Speaker 1: who I am and what I do and why who
8:21
Speaker 1: I am just in a regular general life. And I
8:25
Speaker 1: just think that this last situation taught me that, you know,
8:29
Speaker 1: if I don't accept myself for who I am with
8:32
Speaker 1: all of my flaws, no one else is truly going
8:34
Speaker 1: to accept that either. And I had to get comfortable
8:37
Speaker 1: with that and I had to really truly accept that
8:40
Speaker 1: about myself and really truly love that about me. And
8:46
Speaker 1: I don't have to dumb myself down anymore because I
8:48
Speaker 1: love those things that make up everything that I am.
8:51
Speaker 2: Now that's so true. They make you who you are.
8:54
Speaker 2: You should hide them from people. Can I ask a
8:57
Speaker 2: personal question though, that it seems like you and JR.
9:01
Speaker 2: I think ended your relationship pretty quickly after. I have
9:05
Speaker 2: to ask because I wonder about this all the time
9:07
Speaker 2: about people. I'm sorry you don't have to answer it,
9:10
Speaker 2: but I just have always wondered if people know before
9:14
Speaker 2: they walk down the aisle that it's not right and
9:16
Speaker 2: it's just too hard to stop it at that point,
9:19
Speaker 2: or did you still think that he was the person
9:22
Speaker 2: and just kind of figured it out, like right after
9:24
Speaker 2: you got married that maybe he wasn't oh.
9:26
Speaker 1: One hundred percent thought that he was the one one
9:30
Speaker 1: hundred percent Okay, And you know, if I'm speaking, I
9:33
Speaker 1: don't want to speak for JR. But first of all,
9:35
Speaker 1: we're friends. Yeah.
9:36
Speaker 2: Good.
9:37
Speaker 1: I just think that it just wasn't right for that time.
9:42
Speaker 1: You know, I lost my sister. I was dealing with
9:44
Speaker 1: a lot of grief. I didn't know how to handle that.
9:49
Speaker 1: I was still figuring things out about myself personality wise,
9:54
Speaker 1: and it's just wasn't time. It wasn't time, don't I
9:58
Speaker 1: don't feel like I still don't feel like he's the one.
10:00
Speaker 1: I thought he was the one for that time, you
10:03
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
10:04
Speaker 2: Has that been true for all of your relationships? Like
10:07
Speaker 2: at that time they were exactly what you needed, absolutely,
10:09
Speaker 2: and then when that need was over that it just
10:12
Speaker 2: didn't work anymore. Yeah, okay, all right, So you're and
10:16
Speaker 2: you're looking for your next one.
10:18
Speaker 1: Hello, we're gonna get We're gonna do it till we
10:19
Speaker 1: get it, right.
10:21
Speaker 2: I love it about you. Yes, By the way, my
10:24
Speaker 2: husband passed away. I went on a reality TV show.
10:27
Speaker 2: I was a Golden bachelorette and I found love on
10:29
Speaker 2: a reality TV show.
10:30
Speaker 1: Just like you did.
10:31
Speaker 2: Oh wow, we haven't got engaged. We haven't got married. Ye,
10:34
Speaker 2: we're still engaged. So but I do want to ask
10:36
Speaker 2: you a question. So you have probably gotten a lot
10:39
Speaker 2: of advice from a lot of people, and maybe to
10:41
Speaker 2: help some of our listeners out one day, what's the
10:44
Speaker 2: best advice that someone gave you when you were going.
10:47
Speaker 1: Through a divorce?
10:48
Speaker 2: Which the hold on now you can do one from
10:51
Speaker 2: each divorce if you'd.
10:52
Speaker 1: Like that kind of forgot about it.
10:58
Speaker 2: How about like, like advice that maybe you would give
11:00
Speaker 2: somebody yourself, not something that someone else could.
11:02
Speaker 1: You going through a divorce.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, what is a great piece of advice that
11:06
Speaker 2: you wish you had not?
11:08
Speaker 1: It won't always be like this, okay. You know, when
11:13
Speaker 1: you're going through a divorce, you just feel like a
11:16
Speaker 1: failure and a loser, you know, And it just won't
11:20
Speaker 1: always be like that. You know, after a while, you'll
11:23
Speaker 1: feel like you'll feel more empowered, and you'll feel grateful
11:28
Speaker 1: about the time you spend together, and then you'll feel
11:30
Speaker 1: grateful about who you are becoming because now you get
11:34
Speaker 1: to reinvent yourself. Now you get to you know, do
11:36
Speaker 1: the things that you you wish you would have done
11:38
Speaker 1: in a relationship and be a better partner to the
11:41
Speaker 1: next partner. Yeah, you know, so it won't always be
11:45
Speaker 1: like that. You won't always be sad, you won't always
11:48
Speaker 1: you know, feel empty, you won't always feel like a loser.
11:52
Speaker 1: And I think that's I think that's the best advice
11:55
Speaker 1: I can give to you today.
11:57
Speaker 2: So at the end of each one of your relationships,
11:59
Speaker 2: you felt empty, You felt like a loser, you felt
12:00
Speaker 2: like a failure.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know, I didn't get married to get divorced,
12:05
Speaker 1: and especially with my son's father. With Vince, you know,
12:07
Speaker 1: I thought that we would be together forever, you know,
12:09
Speaker 1: I thought that we would you know, die together, and
12:13
Speaker 1: it just you know, the end of our relationship was
12:16
Speaker 1: before we both died.
12:19
Speaker 2: So I love that you still have what a lot
12:23
Speaker 2: of people lose after, you know, maybe more than one relationship,
12:27
Speaker 2: that they don't feel like they can find love and
12:29
Speaker 2: they kind of give up on it. What gives you
12:30
Speaker 2: the strength to think that it can keep coming, it
12:33
Speaker 2: can keep entering your life.
12:35
Speaker 1: Well, because I believe that God is a god of
12:37
Speaker 1: second chances, and he can keep forgiving and keep reloving
12:41
Speaker 1: us and keep you know, accepting us. Then why does
12:45
Speaker 1: that not work for the next person?
12:47
Speaker 2: I agree. I just think a lot of us get tired.
12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, you can get tired to be
12:51
Speaker 1: by yourself.
12:52
Speaker 2: I know that.
12:54
Speaker 1: So, you know, I feel like I am a good mate.
12:56
Speaker 1: I feel like I can be a great partner to
12:59
Speaker 1: the person and I just have to meet that person.
13:03
Speaker 2: I love it, and people are doing that in nursing
13:05
Speaker 2: homes these days.
13:06
Speaker 1: You know, I know I don't work out this full time.
13:09
Speaker 1: That's why I'm gonna be Hello.
13:11
Speaker 2: What kind of person are you hoping to attract now?
13:14
Speaker 1: Oh, somebody who's sure of themselves, someone who is not
13:17
Speaker 1: searching for anything other than a great partnership, a family
13:22
Speaker 1: oriented person, someone who's already established in their lives. Someone
13:25
Speaker 1: who's just looking for a partner. Yeah, a good partner.
13:30
Speaker 2: But how do you manifest that? How do you go
13:33
Speaker 2: out and tell the world that's what you're looking for.
13:35
Speaker 1: Well, I'm telling the world. I tell the Holy Ghost,
13:36
Speaker 1: and that's it, all right. And I'm very consistent about it,
13:41
Speaker 1: and very serious about it, and very intentional about it.
13:44
Speaker 2: And you keep sending your people, so it seems to
13:45
Speaker 2: be working. I have a question. What do you think
13:59
Speaker 2: is in parative to make a long standing relationship work
14:03
Speaker 2: today that maybe you didn't think was important when you
14:06
Speaker 2: were with some of your other ones.
14:07
Speaker 1: Oh. Communication, You gotta have hard conversations. Yeah, the hard
14:13
Speaker 1: conversations are just as important as the easier ones. Okay,
14:16
Speaker 1: you know, community, communicating how you feel, what you want,
14:23
Speaker 1: the adversities that happen in a relationship. My whole thing
14:27
Speaker 1: is this now, Like, I am not arguing longer than
14:30
Speaker 1: twenty four hours. If there's an issue, you don't get
14:33
Speaker 1: through this today because I'm not bringing this into my tomorrow.
14:35
Speaker 1: No for that, you know. So we're going to communicate.
14:38
Speaker 1: You gonna tell me how you feel, and I want
14:39
Speaker 1: to take you how I feel, and we're gonna diad
14:40
Speaker 1: this and move on. Okay.
14:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
14:44
Speaker 1: You know.
14:44
Speaker 2: They always say don't go to bed, you know, angry,
14:46
Speaker 2: and it seems to be right.
14:47
Speaker 1: I'm not going to dinner angry. Okay for you, it.
14:51
Speaker 2: Seems like that kind of comes with maturity. That's really
14:53
Speaker 2: hard to do when you're younger. But like I feel
14:55
Speaker 2: the same way. I just spit it out there. I
14:58
Speaker 2: think we're both maybe a little bit spoken people and
15:00
Speaker 2: it makes like a little easier. Like you don't carry
15:03
Speaker 2: crap along with you.
15:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. I don't have I don't have any time.
15:06
Speaker 1: I don't have any space for it. You know, I
15:08
Speaker 1: want to be happy. You know, life is good, God
15:10
Speaker 1: is good, It's kind is shining.
15:12
Speaker 2: You know, life is amazing, life is short.
15:16
Speaker 1: I want to be happy.
15:17
Speaker 2: What would you describe your love of life today? Are
15:21
Speaker 2: you in a relationship.
15:21
Speaker 1: Are you dating home homegirls? Non existent right now?
15:25
Speaker 2: Okay, still sending it up there, waiting waiting for somebody
15:29
Speaker 2: to come down.
15:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I kind of know right away if I'm
15:33
Speaker 1: dating the potential one or not.
15:37
Speaker 2: I'm so surprised that I look at you and I
15:39
Speaker 2: think about one of your life and your history. I'm
15:42
Speaker 2: surprised that you I'm guessing you do probably have a
15:45
Speaker 2: lot of people who want to date you, but you
15:47
Speaker 2: are now like intentional and specific.
15:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really really intentional, and after a date or
15:53
Speaker 1: two or even a phone call, I could tell if
15:55
Speaker 1: this is going anywhere.
15:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you how do you meet people?
16:00
Speaker 1: Prayer? Uh? Really, it's a little difficult to meet people, actually,
16:07
Speaker 1: because guys don't come up to me.
16:10
Speaker 2: You know, intimidating your beauty.
16:13
Speaker 1: And I think I'm really really personable.
16:15
Speaker 2: I agree with you, But a guy can be intimidated
16:17
Speaker 2: about you.
16:19
Speaker 1: And then then if they are, then I know that
16:21
Speaker 1: that's not the one. And that's the way I'm interested in,
16:24
Speaker 1: you know, in talking to you anyway. You know, I
16:26
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm the last person I met at the
16:30
Speaker 1: gas station.
16:31
Speaker 2: Okay, I was going to ask you that, I mean
16:32
Speaker 2: your movie. You meet the guy in the grocery store. Yeah,
16:35
Speaker 2: and I don't know if that's you know, kind of I.
16:37
Speaker 1: Met a few in a grocery store. Grocery stores, you know,
16:40
Speaker 1: just as good as church.
16:41
Speaker 2: I like you at a guy grocery shop. It makes
16:43
Speaker 2: me think he's going to cook for you.
16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know a few things, or want to learn
16:47
Speaker 1: a few things. I'm into that too.
16:48
Speaker 2: There me too. And the last guy you met at
16:51
Speaker 2: the gas station, did you go on a date?
16:53
Speaker 1: We were on a few dates, Okay dates. It was
16:56
Speaker 1: really really nice, just didn't work out.
16:59
Speaker 2: It's okay, but you let you know, you gave it
17:01
Speaker 2: a try. I love that. Yeah, a gas station and
17:04
Speaker 2: you said, yes, where are you living now?
17:06
Speaker 1: Are you in La or are you in Atlanta?
17:08
Speaker 2: Atlanta?
17:09
Speaker 1: Okay?
17:09
Speaker 2: All right, all right? What are your thoughts on marriage today?
17:11
Speaker 2: I'm thinking that you're going to say that you are
17:14
Speaker 2: still open to marriage, but I just want to confirm
17:16
Speaker 2: that because you've done it three times, and what do
17:20
Speaker 2: you think marriage still?
17:22
Speaker 1: Listen? Let me just let me give you this disclaiming
17:24
Speaker 1: I didn't think I would ever be married three times.
17:27
Speaker 1: That was not all purpose and not okay, So I
17:32
Speaker 1: am open to marriage because I'm a love a girl,
17:36
Speaker 1: right you are. I'm a love a girl. But I
17:40
Speaker 1: would have to know that whover I'm going to marry.
17:48
Speaker 1: Then we're both going into it thinking that this is
17:51
Speaker 1: this is the last time, this is forever.
17:54
Speaker 2: You love, love and love. That's what we're all about here,
17:57
Speaker 2: about finding love. That's the whole thing about I do
17:59
Speaker 2: part two and keep saying now do you until you
18:02
Speaker 2: get it right?
18:03
Speaker 1: That's right? Yeah?
18:05
Speaker 2: So okay, Now let's move on to Logan. You have
18:07
Speaker 2: a teenage son that going what are you? What is
18:11
Speaker 2: like raising a teenager as a single mom? How a
18:16
Speaker 2: princess together?
18:17
Speaker 1: You know, Logan and I we raise each other.
18:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get it right?
18:24
Speaker 1: Yeah? He is a phenomenal kid. God knew exactly what
18:28
Speaker 1: I needed.
18:30
Speaker 2: Uh.
18:30
Speaker 1: He's a great, great, great kid, a great cook. He
18:35
Speaker 1: gives me no problems. He's amazing in school. He already
18:38
Speaker 1: knows what he wants to do. He's a gamer. Oh yeah,
18:42
Speaker 1: and you know he's just a great kid. I don't know.
18:45
Speaker 1: He's a great kid.
18:46
Speaker 2: He's been easy, an easy kid.
18:48
Speaker 1: Good times. We have a great time with Logan. He's funny, cracks, jokes,
18:51
Speaker 1: he's great great kid.
18:53
Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm guessing that you have some challenging days
18:57
Speaker 2: even if he's a great kid.
18:59
Speaker 1: Oh baby, he turned into this teenager where he feels
19:01
Speaker 1: like he's right about every single thing. Yeah.
19:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm guessing that you're doing really good con
19:09
Speaker 2: parenting and the father helps with that.
19:11
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, we've done the best we can. You know,
19:14
Speaker 1: there's no playbook. You know, there is no playbook, no playbook,
19:17
Speaker 1: but you know, he feels supported by myself and his
19:20
Speaker 1: dad and we step in and be parents and show
19:24
Speaker 1: up and you know, when we when we need to
19:26
Speaker 1: together as a force, and sometimes it's me and sometimes
19:30
Speaker 1: it's just him, but we figure it out.
19:33
Speaker 2: You figure it out, of course you do. Let's pivot
19:36
Speaker 2: a little bit because I'd love to talk about your
19:37
Speaker 2: music carrier a little bit, especially since you were recently
19:42
Speaker 2: performed at the twenty twenty six Songwriters.
19:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.
19:46
Speaker 2: Same Yeah, Taylor Swift the inductees and you sang beyond
19:54
Speaker 2: Beyonce's single Ladies. Music is so healing? Yes, what music
20:00
Speaker 2: has gotten you through your toughest time?
20:02
Speaker 1: A lot of R and B music only because it
20:07
Speaker 1: talks about real life. Right. Music is my goal to
20:11
Speaker 1: when I want to heal. The person I've been listening
20:14
Speaker 1: to lately is the artist named Ray and Let. Her
20:19
Speaker 1: last album is called This Music May Contain Hope, and
20:22
Speaker 1: it really is hopeful music. I love that great beautiful
20:26
Speaker 1: music and it just makes you feel uplifted and it
20:29
Speaker 1: talks about challenges of life, but it also talks about,
20:34
Speaker 1: you know, the successes of life. And so that's just
20:36
Speaker 1: what I've been listening to lately and finding comfort in.
20:40
Speaker 2: So when you come out with a song, is it
20:43
Speaker 2: do you get it from a personal experience? Sounds like
20:45
Speaker 2: maybe Ray does and you relate to it. Is that
20:47
Speaker 2: how you write your music? Is that how you come
20:49
Speaker 2: up with stuff?
20:50
Speaker 1: Yes, I write about past experiences, but I'm also a
20:54
Speaker 1: prophetic writer. I write about things that hasn't happened yet
20:58
Speaker 1: and years later something happens. Yeah, that partakes to a song.
21:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, are you going to write about like this, like
21:05
Speaker 2: kind of moment in your life? It seems like you
21:08
Speaker 2: have such a bright outlook on it and that you
21:10
Speaker 2: could maybe you know, affect somebody with your song.
21:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, I'm writing right now for my next album,
21:18
Speaker 1: and yeah, so a lot of a lot of it
21:20
Speaker 1: is about this era that I've been in lately.
21:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, about knowing yourself, about knowing myself, not apologizing, no girl,
21:29
Speaker 2: and then.
21:30
Speaker 1: Also like you know, finding the partner, finding the person
21:34
Speaker 1: who's who God has made for me.
21:37
Speaker 2: You know, I can't wait to hear your songs. How
21:40
Speaker 2: somiliar album we out?
21:42
Speaker 1: It comes out of September. Okay, Yeah, it's.
21:44
Speaker 2: Great news for all of our listeners who are looking
21:47
Speaker 2: for their part two and you know, getting some inspiration
21:50
Speaker 2: from music like you did. Okay, let's move on to
21:52
Speaker 2: your movie because I know Okay. I screened it last night.
21:55
Speaker 2: I absolutely loved it. I love Tej exactly. I love
21:59
Speaker 2: the two of you together. I had to turn it
22:01
Speaker 2: off partly through the night because it was dark in
22:03
Speaker 2: my house. I was great babysitting my grandkids, and I
22:05
Speaker 2: got really scared, and I toushed it this morning when
22:07
Speaker 2: it wasn't dark. Okay, But it was so.
22:10
Speaker 1: So, so good.
22:11
Speaker 2: So it's an intense thriller, yes, and it seems like
22:15
Speaker 2: something different than what you've done before. What made you
22:18
Speaker 2: want to take on this role?
22:20
Speaker 1: First of all, it was Tay Diggs. I put me
22:23
Speaker 1: on that one. Yeah, He's a phenomenal actor, and I've
22:26
Speaker 1: always kind of wanted to work with him. My sisters
22:29
Speaker 1: worked with him, and also the director as well. Chris
22:33
Speaker 1: Stokes is amazing, Okay, And when I got the call,
22:37
Speaker 1: he was like, you'd be perfect for this role. Will
22:40
Speaker 1: you do it? Will you trust me? And I'm like,
22:41
Speaker 1: of course, And so we went in and it was
22:45
Speaker 1: so fun. I thought it was a thriller. It was
22:47
Speaker 1: so fun to make.
22:48
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like he's such a talented actor, just
22:50
Speaker 2: like you're a talented actress. So this chemistry was bound
22:53
Speaker 2: to work. I feel like, I wonder if you got
22:56
Speaker 2: any inspiration from this role because you were single, Because
22:59
Speaker 2: you're single mother, and that's how this person kind of
23:03
Speaker 2: came into this relationship and loved that he loved her kids,
23:07
Speaker 2: and I bet you could kind of relate to that.
23:09
Speaker 2: Tell me about that a little bit.
23:10
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think that is every single mother's
23:13
Speaker 1: dream to me an amazing man who gets along with
23:16
Speaker 1: your kids and want to get along with your kids
23:18
Speaker 1: and want to be a family guy. And sometimes you
23:22
Speaker 1: know it's it's not a good idea because we want
23:26
Speaker 1: it so bad and we get to look at all
23:29
Speaker 1: the signs that that tells us that it's not right
23:33
Speaker 1: because we want it so bad. I think that's what
23:36
Speaker 1: was going on in this film. He had a lot
23:40
Speaker 1: of red flags that she ignored, and she just first
23:44
Speaker 1: of all, he was fine. Second all, he was very fine. Yeah,
23:49
Speaker 1: he's fine. And second of all, you know, he you know,
23:51
Speaker 1: seemed like the perfect guy. Yeah, And so you know,
23:55
Speaker 1: sometimes we have to like not look at those things
23:58
Speaker 1: and really look at the situation as face value and
24:02
Speaker 1: look at the situation as like, is this person right
24:05
Speaker 1: for me? Am I ignoring all the signs because the
24:08
Speaker 1: signs are all there all the time.
24:10
Speaker 2: So if you met a perfect guy like this guy,
24:12
Speaker 2: would you be like, there's something underlying that I'm not seeing.
24:18
Speaker 1: I'm like that all the time.
24:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it.
24:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like that all the time. So the last
24:25
Speaker 1: person you will meet is my kid. Yeah yeah, yeah,
24:29
Speaker 1: So I'm really really skeptical about any inviting anybody to
24:32
Speaker 1: meet my kid or even come to my home. So
24:36
Speaker 1: by then, by then I feel like I have vetted
24:38
Speaker 1: them out to them being who they are instead of
24:41
Speaker 1: their representative representative.
24:43
Speaker 2: Will Logan give you an honest opinion about a person
24:46
Speaker 2: that you bring.
24:47
Speaker 1: Up, Yes, he's been right every time. Yes, it's not fair.
24:50
Speaker 2: He has a good radar.
24:51
Speaker 1: Huh he does. It's really not fair. I could really
24:54
Speaker 1: like a person, he's like, I don't like him.
24:55
Speaker 2: That's not the one for your mom.
24:56
Speaker 1: Huh.
24:57
Speaker 2: Okay, good to know.
24:59
Speaker 1: Huh, it's right. It sucks.
25:12
Speaker 2: I do want to talk about some of the underlying
25:14
Speaker 2: themes of this movie because they're intense, and there are
25:16
Speaker 2: things we talk about here on the podcast. Second chapters,
25:20
Speaker 2: blended families, et cetera. What do you think are some
25:22
Speaker 2: of the things women need to be asking men when
25:25
Speaker 2: they are dating?
25:26
Speaker 1: In chapter two, I think a lot of people shy
25:29
Speaker 1: away from asking about people's past, and I think that
25:34
Speaker 1: that is important. You have to ask questions. You have
25:37
Speaker 1: to ask about their last relationship. And I know a
25:39
Speaker 1: lot of people don't want to talk about it, you know,
25:42
Speaker 1: but you have to talk about it because you have
25:43
Speaker 1: to figure out the characteristics of who that person is
25:46
Speaker 1: and also patterns.
25:49
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, right, right, So.
25:52
Speaker 1: You have to ask a lot of questions and not
25:53
Speaker 1: be afraid. I was, it's so crazy. I was talking
25:55
Speaker 1: to a producer today. She didn't want to ask her
25:56
Speaker 1: boyfriend a question like then, so, why are you with him?
26:00
Speaker 1: How's that? Going to work, you have to ask questions.
26:02
Speaker 1: You have to ask questions. You're not going to know
26:05
Speaker 1: somebody you know and and who and know who they
26:08
Speaker 1: are unless you ask questions. You have to ask questions.
26:13
Speaker 2: I think we got it to ask questions.
26:16
Speaker 1: They don't want to ask because people and you have
26:18
Speaker 1: to be and you have to watch when you ask questions.
26:21
Speaker 1: Are people hesitant to answer?
26:23
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, are they afraid of the answer. Is that
26:26
Speaker 2: why they're not asking the questions, or they're afraid that
26:28
Speaker 2: they're offending by asking the questions.
26:30
Speaker 1: But listen, nobody wants to shake the table. Everybody wants
26:32
Speaker 1: it's the wonderful.
26:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want to know, really, Yeah.
26:36
Speaker 1: They don't want to know. You want to be with
26:38
Speaker 1: a person. You want to be with a person's so bad,
26:40
Speaker 1: we don't want to be.
26:41
Speaker 2: Alone, so we're not asking.
26:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we don't ask.
26:45
Speaker 2: And do you think that we're okay with accepting what
26:48
Speaker 2: we find out later? Or then we really just screwed ourselves.
26:51
Speaker 2: And it takes a long time to get to the
26:53
Speaker 2: place where I'd rather ask now and find out.
26:57
Speaker 1: Well, who wants to waste their time for a year
26:58
Speaker 1: or two with the wrong person, right?
27:01
Speaker 2: They're not asking a question.
27:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you have to recover from that. No,
27:07
Speaker 1: this age, not at this time and not this age
27:10
Speaker 1: of the game, like nobody with you. Let's wrap this
27:13
Speaker 1: up what we're doing.
27:14
Speaker 2: It's like, Yeah, the thing that I feel it comes
27:16
Speaker 2: with maturity, and it comes with a second or third loves,
27:19
Speaker 2: not with first loves orly a lot I think. Yeah,
27:22
Speaker 2: this movie deals with themes of physical abuse and domestic violence,
27:27
Speaker 2: which we also know a lot of people experience in
27:29
Speaker 2: marriage and relationships. What sort of mindset did you have
27:33
Speaker 2: to be in to be in this film with these
27:36
Speaker 2: tough scenes and why do you think it's important for
27:39
Speaker 2: stories like this to be shared?
27:40
Speaker 1: Well, you know, sometimes you don't know that you are
27:44
Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship until you mir or someone else's. Yeah, right,
27:49
Speaker 1: And sometimes people get to the point when things are
27:52
Speaker 1: not that bad, if you get what I'm saying, right,
27:57
Speaker 1: and when you look at someone else's situation and you
28:00
Speaker 1: can kind of mirror yours, like, well.
28:02
Speaker 2: That's not okay now, but I have the same thing.
28:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I think it's important to do movies
28:09
Speaker 1: and scenes like this just to you know, help other
28:12
Speaker 1: people figure out, you know, what's not right in their lives.
28:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that. I bet that seeing the way
28:23
Speaker 2: that Ta Diggs's character as a child was so abused
28:27
Speaker 2: so terribly, and it makes me think about my own
28:30
Speaker 2: kids and like what a great light they had. But like,
28:33
Speaker 2: is there somebody that I didn't know was in a
28:37
Speaker 2: you know, in a toxic family like that? I mean,
28:39
Speaker 2: I think there are kids out there that that, But like,
28:42
Speaker 2: what is a sign? How do we know? How can
28:44
Speaker 2: we help? I think this movie is important, so more
28:47
Speaker 2: of us are going to look around a little differently
28:50
Speaker 2: and see if we you know, if we see.
28:52
Speaker 1: Something, Yeah, that's right and that and in that sense,
28:55
Speaker 1: I did my job.
28:56
Speaker 2: Right, that's right. I mean I think that it was
28:59
Speaker 2: like I hope a lot of people walk away from
29:02
Speaker 2: this movie thinking I need to be more aware because
29:05
Speaker 2: those kids who aren't talking about it, who are scared,
29:08
Speaker 2: you know, they can end up with adults like you know,
29:11
Speaker 2: take Diggs in this movie, and you know it's just
29:15
Speaker 2: you know, and.
29:16
Speaker 1: You have to talk about it because you know, things
29:18
Speaker 1: can escalate really fast. Yeah, And so the more people know,
29:22
Speaker 1: the more people can help you.
29:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole theme of schizophrenia that was very interesting
29:28
Speaker 2: watching that play out in the movie, you know, people
29:31
Speaker 2: hearing voices and then making him do different things. That
29:35
Speaker 2: was I felt like I learned a lot about mental
29:38
Speaker 2: illness in this movie that I didn't know.
29:41
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't seen it, so I can't believe that
29:45
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it. I wanted to wait to the premiere,
29:47
Speaker 1: which is tomorrow. Tay hasn't seen it either. We're both
29:51
Speaker 1: waiting till Tomorrow's.
29:53
Speaker 2: Fine to hear. Oh, I'm dying to hear. I hope
29:55
Speaker 2: they're going to interview you right afterwards because I want
29:56
Speaker 2: to hear what you say about it.
29:57
Speaker 1: It's so good.
29:59
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, good for you. Okay, So let me ask
30:01
Speaker 2: you one question. What do you want women to take
30:03
Speaker 2: away from watching the movie? And what do you hope
30:06
Speaker 2: men take away from it.
30:09
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but you know what's about. I
30:13
Speaker 1: know what is what it is about? Okay. The number
30:15
Speaker 1: one thing is for men and women stop being so thirsty. Okay,
30:19
Speaker 1: stop being so desperate to find a person. Yeah right,
30:23
Speaker 1: I love that. You got to figure out where this
30:26
Speaker 1: person comes from? What, what what do? What do they
30:29
Speaker 1: actually want with you? You know what I mean? And
30:34
Speaker 1: if those answers does not it does not match up
30:38
Speaker 1: to yours, then you know you've been thirsty. Baby away
30:43
Speaker 1: down and waits. It'll come when it's supposed to come.
30:46
Speaker 1: And that's at any age. Because my mother is in
30:49
Speaker 1: her seventies and she's still dating. That she's still dating,
30:54
Speaker 1: and I just feel like, you know, the right one
30:58
Speaker 1: always shows up. You don't have to rush it. You know,
31:03
Speaker 1: God is not going to take you out of here
31:04
Speaker 1: before your person comes. Okay.
31:07
Speaker 2: I think there's a big positive influence in your life,
31:09
Speaker 2: and it gives you the ability to walk away because
31:12
Speaker 2: you have faith that something else will come. I think
31:14
Speaker 2: not everybody has deep faith like you have and are
31:17
Speaker 2: willing to accept whatever they're thinking that's all they're going
31:21
Speaker 2: to get.
31:21
Speaker 1: Well, I hate that for them, you know too, because
31:24
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you gotta believe in something. Yeah,
31:29
Speaker 1: you know. And the thing about love, Love is so
31:33
Speaker 1: free and beautiful. You can try and try and get
31:35
Speaker 1: until you get it right.
31:37
Speaker 2: You get it right, and in the meantime, I feel
31:39
Speaker 2: like as I was trying to get it right, I
31:42
Speaker 2: made a lot of really great friends and I learned
31:45
Speaker 2: a little bit from every relationship going forward to get
31:48
Speaker 2: me to the place I am now. Yeah, so all
31:50
Speaker 2: those tests are good and you don't have to say
31:54
Speaker 2: they pass the test until they really do.
31:56
Speaker 1: Amen.
31:57
Speaker 2: Man, Okay, well I want to tell everybody so when
32:00
Speaker 2: they can catch Stepfather is on to be on June nineteenth,
32:04
Speaker 2: So that's this Friday.
32:06
Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
32:07
Speaker 2: I know me too. I have a new grand baby
32:09
Speaker 2: coming this Friday also.
32:10
Speaker 1: So congratulations.
32:11
Speaker 2: A great day. It's June tenth and your movie is
32:14
Speaker 2: coming out and I have a new granddaughter being born.
32:16
Speaker 2: So what a great day. So if you are freshly
32:19
Speaker 2: divorced and trying to figure out your new life but
32:22
Speaker 2: don't know where to start, we're here to help. Send
32:24
Speaker 2: us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the
32:26
Speaker 2: infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials too.
32:29
Speaker 2: Please I do Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling
32:33
Speaker 2: in love is the main objective