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An Unlikely Affair: One Day At A Time · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, Amber, Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Hey babes, welcome to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: It's yours truly, la la Kent.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: And yours truly Amber Childers.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Hey boo, Hey, we're doing a voicemail episode today. I
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: love these, my favorite They're my favorite too. I just
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: like having interactions with our audience, our friends, our listeners. Totally.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: I agree. It's so fun.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love that the first voicemail is from
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Lauren and it says pronounced like how you say it,
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: And now that I haven't called myself Lauren in a
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: decade plus, I'm like, I have a hard time saying
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: it now too. For so many years people would be like,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: what's your name, Lauren, Nice to meet you, Lauren, And
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck? Why is it so hard
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: to say?
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 0:56
  Speaker 5: Why?
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Why such a harsh Shoh?
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: You have to have a really good ear.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You have to have a good ear. But also it
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: doesn't come out of the mouth effortlessly Lauren. People say
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Laren even yeah, I well, now.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to like say it the right way, but
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I said Laren.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: See Lauren.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Laren is very nasily trying to come with the frog.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Lauren Laren Lauren Lauren is so much easier. Yeah, but
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: that's not my name, bitch, so Lala it is.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Our first voicemail is from Lauren pronounced how I say it.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Let's roll it, oh La and Amber.
• 1:32
  Speaker 6: I love this new podcast, and I love I'm just
• 1:35
  Speaker 6: your regular give them law law or I forget I'm
• 1:39
  Speaker 6: traditionally lawaw. Sorry, and they wanted to mention I'm from Indiana,
• 1:43
  Speaker 6: Southern Indiana. And also my name is pronounced Lauren. No
• 1:48
  Speaker 6: one seems to ever understand how to pronounce that here
• 1:50
  Speaker 6: and never could pronounce that last name either, so both
• 1:53
  Speaker 6: were always just mispronounced. I was Lauren. I still just
• 1:56
  Speaker 6: say Warren over the phone, like I don't even think
• 1:59
  Speaker 6: anyone about my parents and brother call me actually Lauren.
• 2:02
  Speaker 6: Not even my partner does, which is crazy. Anyways, my
• 2:06
  Speaker 6: call was about I know you talked about someone had
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: a question like what was your hardest friendship breakup? And
• 2:12
  Speaker 6: you brought up Katie. I too, am going through a
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: friendship breakup and I my friend I've known for twenty
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: one years. I'm forty one, so half my life in
• 2:22
  Speaker 6: the past up until recently. I said that was the
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: person was my best friend. He had a falling out,
• 2:28
  Speaker 6: long story she thought I betrayed her. Was the stupidest thing.
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: In my opinion, I was being stubborn because I was like, nope,
• 2:35
  Speaker 6: I didn't really do anything. So I decided to acologize
• 2:40
  Speaker 6: with the lake flowers to her work and basically thought
• 2:44
  Speaker 6: that that would work. Instead, I got a voice note
• 2:46
  Speaker 6: saying f off. And through all this stuff in my
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: face from all the years before of like hanging for
• 2:54
  Speaker 6: things for me and this and that. Anyways, I just
• 2:57
  Speaker 6: want any advice that could help me just move past.
• 3:00
  Speaker 6: I've been having good days and bad and Sundays on
• 3:03
  Speaker 6: bed rut on the weekend. Why I don't have work?
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Oh I know, I know, because you know what it's
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: like to have a friendship breakup. And no, my friendship
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: with Katie was not very long. It wasn't very many years.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: But because we were thick during like a really hard
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: time in my life and hers. I think that's what
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: made it a harder breakup, if that makes sense, mm hmm,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: is that you kind of look at what you would
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: have done without that person during the hardest time of
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: your life and and it's not that I want. I
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: was already eastern about this the other day. It's kind
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: of like drinking right, I can look back and I
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: have such fond memories of drinking right, Or I'm like,
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: that was a really fun night. Do I ever want
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: to go back to drinking? No, there are friendships. Or
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I have a lot of fond memories. Do
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I need the friendship anymore? No, it's not like I
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: want it back.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Wait was Katie? What season did Katie come on?
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: She was there from the jump, and then we had
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: a really tough go my first two seasons, so season
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: four and five, season six is when we squashed everything
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: and became good. And then after season eleven was when
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: things went left and to Lawrence point like, there are
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: times where you can't control another person, and it does
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: take two people, I think for the demise of any relationship,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: whether it's an intimate partnership a friendship, like, it always
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: does take two people. And I just in my sobriety
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: had felt a lot of guilt for my part. At
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: the beginning. I was very angry because I'm like, this
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: is not like, why am I taking the brunt of
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: all of this? Right? And that's when my sponsor tapped
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: herself in and was like, you cannot control her. We
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: have to keep our side of the street clean. How
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: did you participate in the demise of this friendship? What
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: did you do? Her feelings are fact to her. You
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: have to acknowledge that what you did made her feel
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: betrayed and all of these other things. And even if
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: you say you didn't make her feel that way, she's
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: telling she has said that you did.
• 5:12
  Speaker 7: Yeah, you can't take away the you make someone feel
• 5:15
  Speaker 7: regress if you think you made them feel that way
• 5:17
  Speaker 7: or not. It's like, that is literally how they feel
• 5:19
  Speaker 7: in that situation, whether you want to however you want
• 5:22
  Speaker 7: to deconstruct it in your mind, whether it was your
• 5:25
  Speaker 7: fault or not, or initiated by you or her you
• 5:29
  Speaker 7: that's the right thing to do.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I took many, many months of me like
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: rewriting in my notes, like what I was going to say,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: And it really came down to, like, if you send
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: this to her, if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: the way you want, how will that make you feel?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: And when I would say, well, I'll be fucking pissed off,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: She's like, you're not ready to send it my sponsor.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: She was like, I need to know that you're going
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: to hold onto this message until you are doing it
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: for the right reasons. You're not looking for forgiveness, You're
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: not looking to make amends with this person, meaning she
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: gives you what you want, because it's self serving. This
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: has to be a selfless thing where no matter what
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: the response, even if it's none, youly feeling like.
• 6:13
  Speaker 7: You did your part and you have not sent that message.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I sent it, Okay, I sent it a few months ago.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: But going back to what Lauren is saying, she sent
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: the flowers, she took ownership of her part in it,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: even though she didn't feel like it was entirely her fault.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Doesn't matter. We can only control ourselves. The response from
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: the front good fucking riddance.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's harsh.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: That is so harsh, and like I don't need you
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: in my life. And you're going to go through like
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: the morning process, right, like you've had to do that.
• 6:45
  Speaker 7: You grieve And I had no idea. I went through
• 6:48
  Speaker 7: the hardest female friendship and I already had issues with
• 6:52
  Speaker 7: females before, like just growing up, I was always hanging
• 6:55
  Speaker 7: out with the guys, and that this particular adult friendship
• 6:58
  Speaker 7: crushed me just as hard as.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Like a romantic breakup did.
• 7:04
  Speaker 7: Like it was awful until I literally had to have
• 7:07
  Speaker 7: two of my friends shake me and say, you just
• 7:09
  Speaker 7: have to stop and give her space. And then once
• 7:12
  Speaker 7: I was able to give her space and then I
• 7:14
  Speaker 7: did the work through our program with my sponsor, I
• 7:18
  Speaker 7: was like, Okay, I now I see. And there was
• 7:22
  Speaker 7: a lot of like rumors that I would hear through
• 7:25
  Speaker 7: the grapevine of people saying what I did. And I
• 7:28
  Speaker 7: was like, you know what, whether it's all true, whether
• 7:30
  Speaker 7: it's not true, how if I made her feel that way,
• 7:33
  Speaker 7: I did the same thing you did. I had to
• 7:34
  Speaker 7: look at my part and I came to La, I said,
• 7:39
  Speaker 7: I asked her if I could sit down with her,
• 7:42
  Speaker 7: and she opened her home to me, which was like
• 7:44
  Speaker 7: the first step towards making an amends. And we are
• 7:49
  Speaker 7: rebuilding our friendship and it's beautiful. And I don't know
• 7:53
  Speaker 7: if our friendship will ever be the same because not
• 7:57
  Speaker 7: because of what happened, because that year apart, we both
• 8:00
  Speaker 7: changed as people, as people in a lot of ways.
• 8:04
  Speaker 7: So it's it's hard, but it's worth it. But yeah,
• 8:07
  Speaker 7: that that's a blow and I think like for her,
• 8:10
  Speaker 7: I think the best advice is to just give her space.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: It's so hard.
• 8:13
  Speaker 7: Because you want to fix, you want to control, you
• 8:16
  Speaker 7: want to like just put it past you. But sometimes
• 8:20
  Speaker 7: a good six months to a year, even two years,
• 8:24
  Speaker 7: and if it's meant to be, the friendship is meant
• 8:25
  Speaker 7: to be, it will it will confine you. And they
• 8:27
  Speaker 7: say this all the time, and it's super cliches that
• 8:29
  Speaker 7: some people are there for a very short chapter of
• 8:31
  Speaker 7: your life.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: And that's really also hard to come.
• 8:34
  Speaker 7: To terms with, especially when they're your ride or die.
• 8:37
  Speaker 7: And like you said with Katie, you guys went through
• 8:40
  Speaker 7: a lot of shit together.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: I remember I used to call you and You're like,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I'm in bed with so and so, and I was like,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: this is such it. Now you're in bed with me.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: I'm happy about the friendship breakup.
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: No, I'm just in here swooping in stilling people's man's
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: best friends. No, and it's safe. Ah, I'm a mistress
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: in many ways, I guess, so, yes, there are it's
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: a Joe Camber. Oh did you mean that?
• 9:08
  Speaker 7: No?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, no, no, no, no, okay, next way.
• 9:12
  Speaker 6: Spell.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: I hope that helped.
• 9:14
  Speaker 8: Laren Hied this his honor from Bookimore, Maryland. I just
• 9:27
  Speaker 8: needed some advice from you, guys. I was with my
• 9:31
  Speaker 8: partner for six years and I had found out that
• 9:33
  Speaker 8: he was cheating on me in September, and I was
• 9:38
  Speaker 8: his primary caregiver because he had broken his leg for
• 9:40
  Speaker 8: two weeks before me finding out, letting him lean on me.
• 9:44
  Speaker 8: When he was using the bathroom to wipe himself, emptying
• 9:46
  Speaker 8: his journal, all that stuff, so write or die on
• 9:50
  Speaker 8: conditional type of love. I walked into a room and
• 9:53
  Speaker 8: saw him inappropriately mess new girl from work, a coworker.
• 9:56
  Speaker 8: He's a teacher for another teacher, and I asked him
• 9:59
  Speaker 8: to his phone and he said no and ran on
• 10:02
  Speaker 8: his broken leg to release the messages so I wouldn't
• 10:05
  Speaker 8: see them. I kicked them out that day then and there,
• 10:08
  Speaker 8: and he moved back home with his parents. I'm twenty nine,
• 10:11
  Speaker 8: I was. I've been with him so twenty three. He's
• 10:13
  Speaker 8: thirty four. So he ketch all of his things in
• 10:18
  Speaker 8: our shared home for four months while still paying rent,
• 10:20
  Speaker 8: and he said he didn't have to remove them, which
• 10:22
  Speaker 8: legally he didn't, but like it just was a mental
• 10:25
  Speaker 8: fuck living in our shared home for that long with
• 10:28
  Speaker 8: all the things around. I was engaging in substance abuse,
• 10:33
  Speaker 8: self harm, like just really reckless behavior with my life,
• 10:37
  Speaker 8: and I had to spend two weeks in the hospital
• 10:39
  Speaker 8: after a really bad self harm attempt. And now I
• 10:43
  Speaker 8: am one hundred and eleven days sober from everything, alcohol, drugs, magotine.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: You name it.
• 10:51
  Speaker 8: And I'm just having a hard time because he has
• 10:54
  Speaker 8: shown no remorse, no attempt to try to get me back, nothing.
• 11:01
  Speaker 8: And I know how he feels about me because I
• 11:04
  Speaker 8: feel the same way about him. It's like a very
• 11:06
  Speaker 8: deep love. And I just am I going crazy, like
• 11:09
  Speaker 8: I don't understand, and it's so hard doing the sober now,
• 11:13
  Speaker 8: breathing sober, I feel everything everything, So I just need
• 11:18
  Speaker 8: some advice from you guys on how to grieve while
• 11:21
  Speaker 8: being sober.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I have all the chills. And can I tell you
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: when she said I know how he feels about me
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: because I feel the same way about him, and her
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: saying she's one hundred and how many days ten eleven
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: days sober, Yeah, it takes me back to when you
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: said this is not love, This is an addiction. The
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: way that you guys are feeling about each other, this
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: is not what love looks like.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm first. I'm so sorry, geez.
• 11:52
  Speaker 7: I can't even and I know, like I got was
• 11:54
  Speaker 7: tearing up hearing that voicemail because I know that pain,
• 11:56
  Speaker 7: and it's like, how do you trust another person, especially
• 11:59
  Speaker 7: for you were going.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: Above and beyond?
• 12:01
  Speaker 7: And I would never let someone hold me why they
• 12:03
  Speaker 7: wiped their ass, like even my grown kids. I'm like, no,
• 12:07
  Speaker 7: you're I will hold your hair if you're throwing up.
• 12:09
  Speaker 7: Other than that, good luck to you.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: You have to.
• 12:15
  Speaker 7: You have to get your I was actually talking to
• 12:17
  Speaker 7: you about this about re establishing your foundation, like you
• 12:21
  Speaker 7: have to fix your foundation of who you are as
• 12:22
  Speaker 7: a person, because your experiences being sober and being with
• 12:27
  Speaker 7: this man are going to be completely different and you're
• 12:29
  Speaker 7: going to have a psychological change. And whether you're doesn't
• 12:33
  Speaker 7: matter if you're in a program or you're not in
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: a program. You're going to operate and move through the
• 12:37
  Speaker 7: world differently. And you're, you know, maybe three and a
• 12:41
  Speaker 7: half four months sober. You start feeling really good around
• 12:45
  Speaker 7: the three month period, and then my experience with sobriety
• 12:48
  Speaker 7: around like month five, six seven.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: You fall off the pink cloud.
• 12:52
  Speaker 7: You fall off the pink cloud and you get really
• 12:54
  Speaker 7: wobbly again. So I think, like my best advice is
• 12:57
  Speaker 7: that even though you we love this person, you have
• 13:01
  Speaker 7: to evaluate what that love is.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: Was it toxic love? Was it codependent love? And rebuild it.
• 13:08
  Speaker 7: And I'm not saying that you can't start over, but
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: you have to start over making sure that you are
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: a whole person on your own before you start integrating
• 13:18
  Speaker 7: this person back in your life. And frankly, he needs
• 13:20
  Speaker 7: to take fucking responsibility.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't love that he hasn't apologized, and that's
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: like people hate that. I always call everyone a narcissist,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: but it is an epidemic and they're running rampant around us.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: So it's important that you know the science because they
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: are fucking everywhere. Yeah, narcissism is alive and well. And
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: when someone can't take accountability for their actions, like it's
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: narcissism is a spectrum, right, and not everyone is as
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: extreme as the next person. But to not be able
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: to acknowledge the behavior, I mean, there's something really wrong.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: And also someone who's to run on their broken fucking
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: leg just to make sure that you don't see their phone,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I have to imagine he's not only talking to that girl,
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: this is what you have to remember, and it's easier
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: said than done. You have to take it. And I
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: saw this fucking my algorithm right now is fucking crushing it.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: But I saw this reel and it was like, please
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: stop telling people to take it one day at a time,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Like what the fuck else am I going to do?
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Skip Tuesday? It's like, I get it taking it one
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: day at a time. Although it sounds cheesy, you absolutely
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: have to abide by that, and you have to sometimes
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: even take it one second at a time. And time
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: does heal everything. Yes, And we're just impatient by nature,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: just human beings are where it's like days feel very long.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Because there were moments during my like breakup not breakup,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know whatever it was with that guy where
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I would be sobbing and I'd be like, like we
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: haven't spoken, and it's like it's better three hours. That's
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: how it feels like it's been three years. Time fucking
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: slows down. You're gonna be tested, especially with sobriety. But
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I promise you there's gonna be a day you look
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: back on this and you're gonna say, thank god I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: got sober and didn't drink I dealt with so many
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: different emotions and even though it was for that specific thing,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: the person I am now I'm so proud of and
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I can handle anything. Yeah, so there's my little pep talk. Yeah,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering.
• 15:33
  Speaker 6: How much of your.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Sexual history.
• 15:38
  Speaker 9: Overlaps do you need to or should you disclose prior
• 15:42
  Speaker 9: to marriage. To give a little backstory, there's a gentleman
• 15:50
  Speaker 9: involved who We've been on and off for a long
• 15:53
  Speaker 9: time now, but it seems like it's it's there in
• 15:57
  Speaker 9: the off times, I have been with other people, and
• 16:01
  Speaker 9: I've been with people of the same sex and he
• 16:05
  Speaker 9: is not aware of that. And is that anything that
• 16:08
  Speaker 9: needs to be disclosed? Is there anything that's any of
• 16:10
  Speaker 9: his business or is that take it to the grave,
• 16:14
  Speaker 9: doesn't matter because that was a part time I'm just curious,
• 16:22
  Speaker 9: is that something that I should bring up and have
• 16:24
  Speaker 9: a discussion with him about or no?
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Oh that is so hard.
• 16:28
  Speaker 7: You have thoughts go, it's one thing you don't need
• 16:34
  Speaker 7: to talk about your past sexual partners. As I've gotten
• 16:37
  Speaker 7: older and dating, I've realized it's like not necessary.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: But what if you like, are with this person and
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: then you go on a break and during your break
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: you go and experience experience other people.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I don't think it's you don't know.
• 16:51
  Speaker 7: I agree with you, you don't need to disclose.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: However, if the person asks, I think you have to
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: be honest. Yeah, but you could say in a general way.
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: You don't have to say, yeah, i've fucked Tommy down
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: the street.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: And Liz as well, his wife. Yeah, yeah, whatever you know,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: because she's been having fun. Like when here's the thing,
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: unless we are fully committed, I am free to do
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: whatever I want.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And when we're on a break, we're not committed.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: We're not committed. Nope. Like Ross and Rachel on Friends,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: I agree with Ross. We're on a break, Yeah, I
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: doesn't forget to be with whoever I want. Yeah, you
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: can't have.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: Your cake and eat it too.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: No, I fully agree with you. I think unless he asks,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: you don't need to say anything. I'm with you on that,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: and keep it very general. Like when we are not together,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I act as if we are not together.
• 17:43
  Speaker 7: Right, and you don't need to say yes, I would
• 17:46
  Speaker 7: and had sex with this person, because trust me, any
• 17:49
  Speaker 7: man is not going to be down. Whether it's it's
• 17:52
  Speaker 7: a total double standard in my opinion. But like a
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: man is not going to be down with this woman
• 17:57
  Speaker 7: going out, especially if this is a long term relationship.
• 17:59
  Speaker 7: You just need to say, you know what, honey, I
• 18:01
  Speaker 7: don't really need to discuss this. You know we were
• 18:03
  Speaker 7: on a break. That means that we were on a break.
• 18:05
  Speaker 7: End of story. And if he keeps prying, just say
• 18:06
  Speaker 7: I'm sorry, it's not appropriate to discuss, you know, this
• 18:11
  Speaker 7: situation now that we're in a committed and we're trying
• 18:13
  Speaker 7: to move forward in our relationship.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Right, Like, I will always honor our relationship when we
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: are together. Yeah, you know, relationships you think you sit
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: there and go relationships are easy, like as long as
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: you have communication, don't put your dick where it doesn't belong.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: They're so complicated. And I realize that every time I
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: dip my toe in the water, and I'm like, the
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: three month love bubble is all that exists. After three months,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: it bursts and real life happens.
• 18:41
  Speaker 8: I know.
• 18:41
  Speaker 7: You said that this morning while we're getting ready, and
• 18:43
  Speaker 7: I was like, oh jeez, here we go.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's true. Even with my friends who are
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: out there dating and they're like single moms, and we
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: have these conversations and I get so jealous because I'm like, oh,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: you're in the love bubble. And then after the three
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: month mark they're like, oh, this happened and we had
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: to have a really deep conversation. I'm like, yeah, that's
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: what happens. Yeah it is. It's true. The lust goes away.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna be in three month relationships for the
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: rest of my life. That's what I want to live on.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: I would never have become so attached. You know who
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: the fuck you're talking to? Are you crazy? I said that? No, Okay, next,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: we're ready. No one loves a relationship more than you though,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: and the men be in there locking you down?
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Ye why?
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Oh I can't imagine why.
• 19:30
  Speaker 7: I really don't know.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: You're stunning your fun. You go and do really cool shit.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: You make every three point shot when you're at the
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: gym filming yourself. You fly fish, you hike, you're getting Yeah,
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: you're like you got a perky little ass. You're talented.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Shall I go on?
• 19:48
  Speaker 7: Yes, actually you should, but we have another voicemail, so
• 19:51
  Speaker 7: let's not.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Let's get a little turned on.
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: Hi Ambria, Laala. My name is Sally and I live
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: in Scotstilarisona. Just give you a little backstory. I'm a
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: thirty seven year old mother of two. I have a
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: three and a half year old daughter and a two
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: year old son, both beautiful little children. My daughter was
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: recently diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She's being
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: treated very beautifully at memorials. I'm kettering, but here's what's
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: going on, and here's the reason I'm calling in. I
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: have been struggling deeply with my relationship with my husband
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: basically ever since the day I got married, if not prior.
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: And I'm wondering when and how do you decide it's
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: time to call it quits because I feel in my
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: guts things are not right. I resonate and respect you
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: love that so much. I see your sober journey. I
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: see how you've held yourself as drawn me as a
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: mother Amber. I see your strength as well being introduced
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: on the podcast as such a companion too well at
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: it just as a part of her family as well.
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: So anyways, there's so much more to it. My husband
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: and I have been, you know, going through this with
• 21:28
  Speaker 5: my daughter, you know, trying to be really good co
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: parents along the way through our challenges. But we've just
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: been NonStop, just really really difficult together in our relationship
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: since day one, and we found out we were pregnant
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: the last day of our honeymoon, and I just don't
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: know how much longer we can make it through.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: That's like so heartbreaking.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so sad. What are your thoughts?
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Well, I feel she's said that like the day they
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: got married, things kind of shifted. But I feel just
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: in my family, nothing tests families, and then you throw
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: intimacy into it, right, you and your partner. It's already
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: tested when you guys start having children, but then you
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: add the difficulties of life where a health issue arises
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: or money issues happen, and it's very it just becomes
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: suffocating for the relationship. And oftentimes, like mom and dad
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: turn on each other because who else do you turn on? Right?
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Mm hm. I Also, even though I say I never
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: want to get married, I think marriage is a beautiful
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: thing and it's worth fighting for. And you have two
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: kids and obviously your daughter is facing you know, she's
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: going in and you guys are fighting for her life.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I think it's something where you have to tap in
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: a third party and like go and talk to somebody
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: and really make sure he's willing to lay it all
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: out there what he is, you know, his expectations, what
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: he needs, and also the same for you. I don't
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: think you just throw in the towel. I think you
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: have to explore every option before you say we're done here.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: But also with her daughter facing what she's facing, you
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: can't have her in a toxic home like where the
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: mom and dad are like at each other's throats.
• 23:34
  Speaker 7: Are hard though, because the daughter's going to grow up.
• 23:38
  Speaker 7: I know that when they divorce, and like most kids,
• 23:41
  Speaker 7: they blame themselves. Like if I didn't get sick, mom
• 23:44
  Speaker 7: and dad may have still been together. And I know
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: she's really young, and I was thinking, you know, they
• 23:49
  Speaker 7: have two very young kids and and with no issues
• 23:53
  Speaker 7: having toddlers in the house, that age that tests a
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: marriage period. Having kids is freaking hard and it will
• 24:01
  Speaker 7: test a marriage.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: And I think.
• 24:07
  Speaker 7: I think the best advice, because I feel so not
• 24:09
  Speaker 7: even qualified, is like just take a beat.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: You have to take a beat.
• 24:14
  Speaker 7: And like even if it's sleeping in different bedrooms, you know,
• 24:21
  Speaker 7: for a while, and just having that space and to
• 24:24
  Speaker 7: like really reflect on, like before you make any big
• 24:27
  Speaker 7: life decisions. Because I feel like what they need to
• 24:29
  Speaker 7: focus on right now is their children is and if
• 24:32
  Speaker 7: there's like infidelity going on, if it's just simply that
• 24:35
  Speaker 7: they've fallen out of love. Love is an action, and
• 24:40
  Speaker 7: right now it's not about either one of them, it's
• 24:43
  Speaker 7: about their daughter and frankly their son because their son
• 24:46
  Speaker 7: or yeah, their son also is going to get affected
• 24:49
  Speaker 7: by seeing their sibling going.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Through this as well.
• 24:53
  Speaker 7: I think you have to realize that they need to
• 24:57
  Speaker 7: focus on the friendship. If they could find a way
• 24:59
  Speaker 7: just friends to get through this difficult point, even if
• 25:02
  Speaker 7: they're not being intimate with each other, or they find
• 25:05
  Speaker 7: a way to connect in some way. But I would
• 25:11
  Speaker 7: definitely talk to a therapist.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: I think a therapist is the first move. Yeah, and
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: someone who like can who specializes in trauma, because it's
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: obviously very traumatic when you take your daughter into a
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: doctor's appointment and they tell you she has cancer.
• 25:26
  Speaker 7: And I'm sure the hospital that they're at in Arizona
• 25:29
  Speaker 7: has resources there to help families go throughs because I'm
• 25:32
  Speaker 7: sure the statistics of I mean, I know the statistics
• 25:35
  Speaker 7: of parents marriages where there's.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: You know, a child who's neurodivergent, right, whether.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: It's like something life altering yeah, where your your lifestyle changes.
• 25:45
  Speaker 7: Yes, the divorce rate is extremely high. I'm sure it's
• 25:48
  Speaker 7: it's just as challenging as if you know there's this
• 25:52
  Speaker 7: big life, you know, change, So I would talk to
• 25:56
  Speaker 7: the I would talk to the hospital for sure.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: That's my end.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Because the thing that's different about this is when
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: you add like even when I talk to Brittany, I
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: have to always remember to acknowledge, like when I'm when
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: she's telling me things, and then I share just to
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: get women to relate, you know, like when you know
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: that you share something you I always have to acknowledge,
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: like she has a son who was diagnosed with autism.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: It's just a different level. Sally has a daughter who
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: was diagnosed with cancer. So it just the stakes become
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: so much higher. You and I didn't have to deal
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: with that, Like I just took my seven healthy seven
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: month olds and I didn't have the extra layer there.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: So when you say I don't feel qualified, I certainly
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: don't either.
• 26:46
  Speaker 7: But I think one thing that I would also say
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: is try to remember go back to the beginning of
• 26:53
  Speaker 7: the relationship when you guys married, like why did you marry?
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: What is it about this person that.
• 26:58
  Speaker 7: I love you that fall in love because life just
• 27:02
  Speaker 7: punches you in the fucking face sometimes and you have
• 27:05
  Speaker 7: to like take an aerial view of like, Okay, this man,
• 27:08
  Speaker 7: this is who he was, it was when I when
• 27:10
  Speaker 7: I first fell in love.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: This is our first date.
• 27:12
  Speaker 7: Like you have to find those reasons and like do
• 27:16
  Speaker 7: something that you don't want to do.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: If you know your your husband.
• 27:19
  Speaker 7: Loves I don't know, a foot rub right in bed
• 27:24
  Speaker 7: and you you're like, you're disgusting, Give him the foot
• 27:27
  Speaker 7: rub and see what happens, Like do contrary actions and see.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: This sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. Well, I
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: mean because we don't know what he's done. Gets your
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: fucking feet out of my face? Joking me, that's why
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: you have a boyfriend. So you have a money boyfriend.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm a man. The other night, asked me,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: He's like, if I stay over, you're gonna cook me
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: breakfast in the morning. I go, are you out of
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: your fucking mind? Oh that's rude.
• 27:55
  Speaker 7: That would be a next for me. Like the expectation
• 27:58
  Speaker 7: of you.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Cooking you got me fucked up.
• 28:02
  Speaker 7: Do you like McDonald's number one or two breakfast menu?
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I can order you something. Yeah, postmates?
• 28:09
  Speaker 8: All right?
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: Next, Hi, Lala and Amber. My name is Stephanie. I'm
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: a first time caller, longtime listener. I love both of
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: you ladies so much. You're so beautiful and empowering two
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: women everywhere. I am married with two kids, and I
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: have never been able to make myself orgasm while masturbating,
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: so I don't masturbate. Do you have any tips or
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: tricks for suggestions that you recommend? I would love to
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: hear from you. Thanks.
• 28:47
  Speaker 7: This might be the best question yet because I think
• 28:50
  Speaker 7: we both have been on opposite side of the point. Okay,
• 28:53
  Speaker 7: explain you dirty little dog.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: You I'm not that dirty of a dog. I think
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: the right vibrator is key. Also, getting out of your
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: head is key, and just relaxing.
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: You've got two kids. I know what that is like
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: to be terrified that one of them is going to
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: waddle in and see mommy experiencing heaven. Oh my gosh,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: I'm so charged right now, like thinking, I'm like, where's
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: my rose with you? I think you and your clit
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: need to become really really good friends, Like you need
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: to like before you just like deep dive into the vibrators.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I won't scar you with talking about dildo's right now,
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: that's for us. Elevated bitches. Really give me the fat
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: daddy garth and length, maybe a little hook on the end,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: a little vibrator. Oh my god. I I think get
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: in the bath, and I think close the door, lock it.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Get yourself like really good lube. I like ones that
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: are like water bassed. Those are my favorite. And just
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: like touch, become familiar with it first, right touch, become familiar.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: The rose focuses on suction and vibration of just the clip,
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: and it's awesome. You will definitely. I don't pull away
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: when you start feeling like, oh this is too much.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: You must leave it there otherwise otherwise you're gonna have
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: to have your husband do it and have him tie
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: your arms and your legs up so that you can't move.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Have you done that?
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: And where? I've done a lot of fun stuff, but
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: sometimes I keep it very vanilla. Yeah, just depends on
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: my mood.
• 30:56
  Speaker 7: I can do handcuffs though, because that would make me
• 30:58
  Speaker 7: super claustrophobic.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't like metal around my wrists, like just
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: like a something soft. It's a diamond, yeah, unless it
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: as diamonds I also think that when you tense up,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: it makes it harder, like you have to the mind
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: in the vagina have to be so in sync.
• 31:18
  Speaker 7: Wait, you know it's so crazy you say that because
• 31:20
  Speaker 7: I literally so.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: I went through.
• 31:22
  Speaker 7: By the way, Stephanie, I've been in your position. So
• 31:27
  Speaker 7: I'm going to give you my number a week of
• 31:28
  Speaker 7: talk because I have a few suggestions myself.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I went through this.
• 31:33
  Speaker 7: I actually didn't have my first one. Tell I had
• 31:37
  Speaker 7: won when I was twenty.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: Six an orgasm, yes, okay, and then nothing before, nothing before.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: When did you become sexually active.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Geez.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: In my teenage years? Well, obviously I would hope that
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: you were not twelve.
• 31:55
  Speaker 7: Actually the night that I conceived London, that was your
• 31:58
  Speaker 7: first time.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Now can you imagine what sixteen? Seventeen?
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: Yes, okay, yes, yeah, sixteen. It's so much deeper than
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: just for me than finding a vibrator. It's really is
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: knowing who you are and loving yourself first. It starts there,
• 32:21
  Speaker 7: and I didn't realize that at the time. I'm like,
• 32:23
  Speaker 7: why can't I just stick something down there like I would?
• 32:27
  Speaker 7: Hear my girlfriends talk about it, I'm like, God, why
• 32:28
  Speaker 7: is it so easy for them? It's because I didn't
• 32:31
  Speaker 7: have that connection.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: To self and you have to have that.
• 32:36
  Speaker 7: Like, this is going to sound so corny, and you're
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: probably gonna laugh at me, but I'm gonna tell you
• 32:41
  Speaker 7: anyways because hopefully it will help her. Someone suggested that
• 32:46
  Speaker 7: I go into the mirror and I just look at
• 32:48
  Speaker 7: myself in the eyes Amber.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, I was gonna say, look at your China. We're
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: not instinct right now. Okay, look at yourself and me.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: But I was going to say, look at yourself in
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: the eye, the holy.
• 33:01
  Speaker 7: The eye, the one eye, now your third eye, the
• 33:04
  Speaker 7: other eye. No, if you look at yourself in the eye,
• 33:08
  Speaker 7: I'm like trying to do something really stard you.
• 33:12
  Speaker 8: You're on your.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Level today, going crazy. By the way, I'm freshly fucked
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: today and feeling amazing about it.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I know, as you should.
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: But just connect with yourself whatever way that is. If
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: you're looking at yourself in the eye and then you're
• 33:26
  Speaker 7: telling yourself that you love you. Like for me, that
• 33:31
  Speaker 7: was the biggest breakthrough. And when I was able to
• 33:34
  Speaker 7: reconnect with myself and I was able to do this
• 33:37
  Speaker 7: in sobriety, then I was able to achieve an orgasm. Okay,
• 33:42
  Speaker 7: and that took time. It didn't the toys came later.
• 33:46
  Speaker 7: The toys were like the cherry on top.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: So then what would you do before? Just rub?
• 33:50
  Speaker 7: I would rub and I and I would say. I
• 33:53
  Speaker 7: wouldn't put an expectation like, oh, you have to finish.
• 33:55
  Speaker 7: It was just about connecting. So if it was just
• 33:57
  Speaker 7: touching myself at first and feeling like, oh, my body
• 34:02
  Speaker 7: is beautiful, like this is like I love me, like
• 34:07
  Speaker 7: I like me, Yeah, I like the woman I am
• 34:10
  Speaker 7: because I feel like again for me, there was a
• 34:12
  Speaker 7: lot of shame, discuss the choices that I've made, the
• 34:16
  Speaker 7: mistakes that I've made.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: In my life.
• 34:17
  Speaker 7: It's like, you have to fall in love with yourself
• 34:20
  Speaker 7: and then you could do that, and then that's when
• 34:22
  Speaker 7: you could bring like even another partner in. You have
• 34:25
  Speaker 7: to It's like a very cliche thing to say, I know,
• 34:28
  Speaker 7: but it's like that was the first step. Is like
• 34:30
  Speaker 7: taking myself on a date. Like Okay, Amber, tonight, you're
• 34:33
  Speaker 7: gonna go sit at a bar, you're gonna have a dinner,
• 34:36
  Speaker 7: you're gonna you know, if a glass of wine helps
• 34:39
  Speaker 7: her get there, then great, if not, she doesn't need it,
• 34:43
  Speaker 7: and then go home, run yourself a bath and have
• 34:46
  Speaker 7: no expectations the second you think like, oh my god,
• 34:49
  Speaker 7: I have to achieve this because if not, I'm broken,
• 34:51
  Speaker 7: because I feel broken that I can't do what say
• 34:54
  Speaker 7: other women can do, or I just need a dick
• 34:56
  Speaker 7: in order to have an orgasm life.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Sometimes the dick throws me off.
• 35:01
  Speaker 7: Yeah, like I women don't have an orgasm.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: I have to be very when you bring in a
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: dude like I and there's no telling I could be
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: completely connected with you in a conversation. Then we end
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: up sleeping together and I immediately retreat and feel like
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: I'm having an out of body experience where I'm like, tonight,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: it's just not going to happen for me. But because
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: like what you said, like not feeling the shame and
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: all of those things. But I also feel like when
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: you're a mom, like your mind is just elsewhere. And
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: that's why I say your mind and your vagina have
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: to be so in sync and connected. It's the only
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: way that I can get off. And then you bring
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: an actual man in, I gotta be in sync with
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: you too. Yeah, I have to feel like I can.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: I have to literally feel like if you were across
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: the room, I could spread my legs for you and
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: feel totally fine with you having just like vaginal shot
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: if I feel like I kind of want to hide
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: not happening to me the energy. That's why I think
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: she needs a look in the mirror, touch herself. Yeah,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: as well, react, reconnect with it.
• 36:04
  Speaker 7: That is it down there, you know, because after you
• 36:05
  Speaker 7: have kids too. That's the other thing. If it's you
• 36:08
  Speaker 7: realize that you're not you're not eighteen, you're not twenty five.
• 36:12
  Speaker 7: Things feel looked differently and you just aren't. You're just
• 36:15
  Speaker 7: emotionally not connected to probably.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Like a birthing canal at that point, like you don't
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: even think about it, I mean anything, I really.
• 36:22
  Speaker 7: I remember Lennon was saying, like I don't like going
• 36:24
  Speaker 7: to the obgui in and my mom said to her
• 36:25
  Speaker 7: London like, after you have kids, you just spread your
• 36:28
  Speaker 7: legs and you're just like, okay, there you go, do
• 36:29
  Speaker 7: whatever you need to do. Yeah, and that's what it becomes.
• 36:32
  Speaker 7: But in a sacred, beautiful flower, yes, yeah.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: All right, that's it. That's all I have.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I love my vibrators. I mean I love a good
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: vibrator too, and sometimes I get off by thinking of
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: myself fucking somebody like, that's the image in my head.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: That's hot. Yeah, but that's what you were talking about
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: looking at and being like, I love me. This is
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: you can make love to yourself.
• 36:58
  Speaker 8: Yeah?
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: Is that weird?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Of the best, yeah, kind of the best. I can
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: time it. I can be like, all right, we got
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: to get this shit done in three minutes.
• 37:06
  Speaker 7: I got Oh, I got this.
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 37:08
  Speaker 7: The pressure of that can come on real fast.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: Also, I didn't even tell you this. When you are
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: using a vibrator, I cannot get off unless I do
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: my kegel exercises at the same time, like pretend like
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: there's a dick in there and like squeeze, squeeze while vibrating.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: And yeah, that's another thing that you could try. All Right,
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: there we go.
• 37:32
  Speaker 7: Stuff. We got work to do in the bedroom.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: All right, feeling a little hot and bothered. Thank you
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: guys for listening to the voicemail episode of An Unlikely Affair.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: A reminder that our podcast airs every Thursday at nine pm.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Love you guys, Love you Amber. We'll catch you next week.
• 37:49
  Speaker 7: Love you Bye guys.