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How Long Does it take to heal from Narcissistic Abuse? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So how long does it take to heal from narcissistic abuse is a
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  question that I personally get a lot.
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  It's a question I see a lot online.
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  It's a question that's in my comment sections.
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  In your comment sections, the question is probably on your
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  mind, which is why you decided to click on this video.
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  So how long does it take to heal?
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  Like is there a certain time limit or timetable that victims
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  and survivors can look forward to on a healing journey?
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  And I'm here to tell you, as a diagnosed narcissist that has
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  helped thousands of survivors healed and thrive after
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  narcissistic abuse, I'm here to tell you that everybody's
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  timeline is going to be different.
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  Y'all, I said it. Don't shoot the messenger.
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  Me. I'm the mess.
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  Yeah, I'm the messenger here, so don't shoot me.
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  I'm just here to tell you that everybody's timeline from
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  healing from narcissistic abuse is absolutely going to be
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  different. No two people are going to have
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  the exact same timeline. It just, yeah, it just does not
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  work that way. I wish I could tell you it
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  worked that way, but I would be lying to you if I did.
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  I'll be telling you a big bold faced lie, that narcissist, that
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  everybody's healing journey is going to be different.
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  Everybody's healing timetable is going to be different.
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  Your healing journey, the timetable it takes to heal.
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  A lot of the times, most times it's going to be up to you.
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  It it really, truly is. And that's not me trying to be
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  down. That's not me trying to be
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  defeating the like trying to make anybody feel defeated.
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  But it absolutely is up to you. Of course the narcissistic
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  person is going to play a role in it, right?
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  Of course, the narcissist is going to have some type of role
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  in your owner's journey because they're going to be like whether
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  or not you go no contact, whether or not you have kids
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  with them. There's so many mitigating
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  factors here that kind of determine it can help determine
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  how long it's going to take the hill, right?
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  Like if you decide to go no contact, like let's say you
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  break up what's today, July 6th? Let's say you break up today,
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  right? Like, could you be fully healed
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  next July 6th? Yeah.
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  If you completely go no contact and you allow yourself to like
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  go through the motion, go through the emotions, break the
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  trauma bond and all the other stuff, yeah, you can be healed
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  and moved on by next year. But let's just say and that and
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  that narcissist has no way of contacting you.
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  Like they disappear, they ghost you, they're out of the picture
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  for good, right? That's going to be different
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  than someone who has children with a narcissist that has to
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  contact the person, that has to communicate with the person,
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  that has to respond to the person that has to see the
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  person. Your healing timelines are going
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  to be different depending upon your circumstances.
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  And also, y'all, I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be
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  harsh to anybody. But also it's going to depend on
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  how hard that you work, right? Because you have to work hard to
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  heal. It is not an yeah, healing is
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  not an easy task and I do not want to make it seem like it is
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  for anybody. Healing is not an easy task at
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  all for anyone. It's just not one of those days
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  to if you're trying to heal from narcissistic abuse and people
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  are telling you to just get over it or just move on.
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  Those people don't understand emotional abuse and trauma.
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  They don't understand the traumatizing nature of
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  narcissistic relationships of narcissistic people overall in
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  general. So when you're dealing with that
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  type of person, you have to understand it.
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  Like, OK, you don't under you don't know what I went through.
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  So please look, I appreciate you trying to help me.
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  I know you love me. I know you care about me, but
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  look, that just move on stuff doesn't work for me because I
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  dealt with something way more insidious than just an amicable,
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  amicable breakup. Like the person I'm trying to Co
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  parent with literally tries to make my life harder just for the
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  sake of making my life harder. And they might your friend or
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  family member, they might understand that, they might not
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  understand that that's not for like that's going to be a tough
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  cookie. That's what tough pills, that
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  cookie, tough pill to swallow for a lot of people, right?
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  It's just like the person that you're dealing with, your
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  friend, friend and family member might not understand what you're
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  going through. And when you respond in kind
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  like that, they might get angry at you.
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  Well, you don't talk to me about it no more, right?
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  Because support systems matter too.
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  One thing that's going to help you heal faster is having a
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  community or support system, having people that understand
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  what you went through. Yeah, I personally have a
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  support group called the Mental Healers that are there's a bunch
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  of members in there that literally they join the group
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  just to have people to communicate with that understand
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  what they went through. Imagine having a space where you
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  can write a post where you vent talking about narcissistic abuse
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  and emotional trauma and stuff like that and the people in the
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  group understand what you went through.
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  The people in the group understand, they respond to you.
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  Just say, hey, look, I went through the same thing.
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  Here's my e-mail if you want to e-mail.
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  Hey, here's this if you want to talk.
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  Hey, we actually live in the same city.
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  You want to get a cup of coffee there?
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  That's why I created in my support group, the mental
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  healers. You can find that at
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  mentalhealers.net. You can find it there.
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  But this is what I'm talking about.
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  So many people are going through that right there that you, it
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  helps you so much to have people that you can talk to directly
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  that understand what you went through.
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  They get it, that get it, y'all? They absolutely get it because
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  so many people don't get it. You'll be telling you.
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  You'll be telling and sharing your story with people.
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  They don't understand what you're going through.
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  And they'll be like, yeah, that's crazy.
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  Woo. Couldn't have been me.
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  Wow, No, not you. I'm not you.
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  Look, my my hand. I have my hand spasms and I do
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  these head circles. I'm not talking about you, but
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  that's what how it goes though. So having a, having a community
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  or support group can absolutely help you heal faster because the
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  point of having people that you can talk to is very, very, I
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  mean, the point of it is so you don't contact the person that
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  hurt you. Like it takes a lot longer to
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  heal from narcissistic abuse if you're in constant communication
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  with the person that hurt you, the narcissistic person.
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  So if you're trying to heal and get past this person, it you see
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  what I'm saying? If you're trying to heal and
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  move forward past this person, it makes sense to have somebody
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  else that you can text to. You can, you can e-mail, you can
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  text, you can call instead of sending those messages to that
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  person that you miss or you care about or they hurt you.
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  They cheated on you, right? Send it to somebody else, right?
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  You can send it to me. I'm in the I'm, I've run the
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  support group. You can send it to me.
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  My e-mail is readily available. You can e-mail me and I will go
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  back and forth. That's the goal right there, but
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  you can have communities and support groups that in your real
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  life for people to help you and the people that you can vent to,
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  to help you understand, you know, people that are not on the
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  narcissist side and not trying to make excuses for the
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  narcissist. That helps too.
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  Doesn't have to be an online thing.
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  It can be a real life in person type of thing right there,
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  right? Another thing that can help you
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  heal faster is absolutely watching videos and educating
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  yourself what you went through. Now, this is one of those things
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  that is going to sound very counter intuitive to for me to
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  say right, because I love when y'all watching my videos.
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  Sometimes they can become overwhelming.
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  So when you watch these videos, y'all it can become it can
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  become an overwhelming thing. So understand that it's OK to
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  take a break right. I've had people that reach out
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  to me just say like I got to unfollow you for a little bit
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  because I I've gotten enough knowledge and it's too is
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  overwhelming right now. Cool Hey, it's a you I'm here
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  for a look be here for a little while not a long while right
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  that's what I could that's why I try to convey to people right I
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  hear I'm here to help you as much as I possibly can, whatever
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  that looks like right So watching videos, getting getting
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  educated, reading material, reading books.
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  Read Doctor Romney's book. It's not you read her other
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  book. Should I stay?
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  Should I go read out of the fog by Dana Morningstar Get I was
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  going to say Lisa Sunday's trauma bond recovery journal,
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  but I don't have a copy of it right here.
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  But yeah, there's so many ways you can educate yourself, follow
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  other creators as well, not just me.
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  I make decent videos, right? But there's other creators out
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  there as well. They make other they make videos
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  just as good as me about narcissistic abuse, like
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  stronger than before. Lisa Sunny How to love a
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  battered woman near Renee You got the bat Wolf, another self
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  award narcissist out here. He's doing, He got pretty good
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  content. Leon Walker, another self award
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  narcissist. You got other people that you
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  can watch to get a different perspective than mine.
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  You know, I'm going to be cracking jokes and laughing,
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  stuff like that, but that's not for everybody.
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  I understand that as well. So educating yourself can
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  definitely help you heal faster as well.
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  Like I personally, again, I don't want this video making
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  like it's just like a sales course, right?
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  But I personally have courses available as well to help you
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  heal from narcissistic abuse. I have two of them,
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  understanding the seven stages of a narcissistic relationship
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  and finding your why. The first one is to help you
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  understand what you went through.
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  The other one is to help you heal.
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  Both of them are available at mentalillness.net or
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  courses.mentalillness.net. And those courses, you get 50%
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  off of them. Y'all into the code mothers or
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  fathers, 50% off. Over 5050 personal videos from
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  me talk about how to heal and whatnot.
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  But there's other creators that have courses and things like
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  that available as well. Doctor Romney has courses.
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  There's so many creators out there that are helping so many
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  people out, right? So not just me.
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  Educating yourself can definitely help you heal faster.
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  Like I say, could you? Well, Lee, is it possible for
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  you to heal on your own? It's not impossible, right?
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  I just felt like it would take a very long time if you don't
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  understand what you went through, right?
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  Because a lot of most people that are forced to heal on their
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  own and not understand what they went through or Vish or the ones
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  that get viciously discarded and the narcissist has a new supply
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  and goes, the narcissist stop, ceases contact with you.
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  So they forced you to heal on your own.
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  And a lot of times it's like, yeah, you can go to therapy and
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  get the, and the therapist can help you out or whatnot.
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  But sometimes you are forced to heal.
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  Some people out there don't have, don't or not being on
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  social media, They're not being on the Internet.
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  They're not big on reading literature.
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  They're just stuck. They don't understand what they
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  went through. They got viciously discarded for
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  the new supply and don't understand and they're forced to
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  heal on their own. They're forced to reconcile with
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  it. I can see that taking a very
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  long time because those everything will trigger you if
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  you don't understand triggers and things like that.
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  I can see that taking years maybe, right?
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  I can see that taking a very long time to heal and try to get
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  past. So there's a lot of different
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  things that you can do to personally, you know what I
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  mean? Expedite your healing process,
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  which I know is is important to a lot of people because you want
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  to heal. You want to be able to set
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  yourself free and you want to be able to thrive after
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  narcissistic abuse. And it's important to take your
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  healing journey serious, right? The more it's going to take
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  longer, the more you go back. Like it.
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  I saw a statistic. Yeah, I might have heard me say
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  this before, but it takes a survivor of domestic violence or
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  emotional abuse or not 7 times to leave, right?
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  So the more times you go back, the longer it takes to heal.
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  And I know there's just, I know people are like, well, damn, 7
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  times, Lee. I don't want them to take 7
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  times. That's the average, right?
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  It could take you one time, you could be 1 and done.
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  You could be one of the, you could be one of the ones that's
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  one and done. But also average is, you know
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  you it takes more than one number.
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  So if you leave one time, it might take me what, 13 times to
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  leave you add those two up, you got 14 / 2.
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  You got the average of seven. So it took you one, it took me
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  13. So who, who do you think is
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  going to take longer to heal right there?
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  I'm not laughing at y'all probably, but who do you think
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  like if it takes you one, it takes somebody else 13 times.
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  Who do you think it's going to take longer to heal right there?
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  And I know people going to well, there's somebody else smart
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  asses out there will leave. The argument can be made.
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  The person that goes back 13 times can actually heal faster.
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  It just depends on the the the frequency and the you know, how
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  long, how long the breakups were and how long, you know, one
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  time, you know, so I get I did. I definitely get that can be
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  argument made all smart asses out there.
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  You try to get me, don't you? But yeah, the healing, you're
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  healing for narcissistic abuse. How long it takes is really,
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  truly going to be dependent upon you.
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  The narcissist, like I said, they can play a role and they
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  can try to come back and forth into your life.
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  They can try to wreak havoc on you.
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  They can try to do a lot of horrible things to you.
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  But at the end of the day, the only power that they have is the
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  power that they try to the power that you give them right?
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  They have, they really truly have no power.
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  Once you once you understand what you went through,
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  understand it, protect yourself and be safe as possible and
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  learn how to like get better at controlling your reactions and
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  giving them no emotional energy. Like if you have to contact
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  them, if you have to be, if you have to compare with them,
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  giving them less and less emotional energy can definitely
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  help you out y'all. So healing for narcissistic
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  abuse is one of those things that can take a while, but you
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  can't absolutely make it through y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all let's practice. Thank God I haven't been
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  babbling too long. Mental illness.net for all my
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  courses, support groups and everything like that.
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  I also do one. I also do one-on-one coaching as
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  well. Y'all my one-on-one coaching.
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  You can find that at mentalillness.net.
• 12:53
  You can enter the code mental 10 for 10% off that as well.
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  Y'all click one of these videos on the screen right here and I
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  will see y'all later. Peace.