Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Foxwoods Resort Casino in CT

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Foxwoods Resort Casino in CT · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: All right, you look musty, the little one. You got
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: to pick your titty up and wipe under it every
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: now and then. What's your name?
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Brian.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. That's the whitest voice I've heard
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: in at least three months.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Brian. What do you do for money, Brian? You roof?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: You mean you actually get on the roof yourself? Or
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: you tell them... Where the Latinos at? Anybody recognize Brian?
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Like, fuck Brian, man. That's my fucking boss, punk-ass bitch. Yeah,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: his titties be sweating. They be sweating on us. And
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: then what do you do? You still got on your
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: work shoes. God damn, you ain't got no other shoes?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Your feet hot than a motherfucker, huh? Show his boots.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Show the boots. Look at this choice to come out
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: on a, Saturday with his fucking boots on. Jesus Christ.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Are your legs real? Them was amputee boots. He got
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the boots you put on the leg and then you
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: put the leg on yourself.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: What's your name? Huh?
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Ian?
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Dan. Nice to meet you, Dan. And so is this
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: just guys night out right here? Y'all ain't got no bitches?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Neither one of y'all married? Man, come off the roof, man.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: There's beautiful women everywhere. Come down here with us. You
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: been there, done that? So you single, happy, you don't
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: want no shit. But what if I found a woman
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: for you that was perfect for you? What if she
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: work on roofs? Huh? What if she got a 16-year-old
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Italian boy at home building Fiats out of Legos, huh?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I just found you another dad, Gio. Metro! All right,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: it's nice to meet the two white guys. We've got
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: that established now. But I didn't ask you what you
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: did though, Dan.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Same roofs. You have two different companies. Okay, okay.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And what's the company called? Maybe somebody need a roof done,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: we can promote your business. Oh, okay, that's a choice.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I'll let him go first. Dube brothers?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: The shit you wash your booty hole with after you poop?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I got those in my house.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I pay extra money to make sure that I sit
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: down and wash. I got the cleanest ass in the
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: country right now. Sometimes I just sit on it and
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: do like this. It's not gay because it's water, but
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I'll get my ass nice and clean.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I do. I do. I do. So you the toilet,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: booty wash, shower, booty brothers? Okay. And where's your area?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Where's your roofs at? Springfield, Massachusetts. Okay. Anybody in here
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: from Springfield? If you're from Springfield, say Springfield. All right,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: there's six of them. And what about you, Dan? Same,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: you in Springfield too?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Y'all not supposed to be friends. Y'all supposed to be warriors.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: You supposed to be like enemies and shit, like Crips
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: and Bloods on roofs.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: What's the name of your company? That's it?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: What does that stand for? Ripped up roofers. So you
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: just show up hammered? We're fucking ripped, bro.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Skittled in the fucking roof right now and fixing shit.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I just left church, but I got it on my boots. Okay,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: what kind of woman y'all like? I'm going to try
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: to find you somebody before this night is over.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Dan is thinking.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Dan, what you like, Dan? Are y'all gay before I
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: do this? Was I the only one thinking it? Everybody's like,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: they might be fucking though. That's why Dan got on
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: the boots for traction. You gonna need a debate after this.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Y'all gay? No? Okay, so what kind of woman you like, Dan?
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Let me find somebody for you before this is over with.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: The longer you take, the gayer you look. I want
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: you to know that. Everybody in here is like, we
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: got a mental timer. Like, all right, motherfucker. You don't
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: know what you like. Small, medium, or oh my God.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: You don't have a preference?
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: There's three oh my Gods in this bitch right now.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I was in the lobby. I saw them. They walked
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: up to me like, hey, Nate.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: You remember me? I'm like, yeah, I remember you. Hell yeah,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: you had all the snacks.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay. Let's look over here. We got a row
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: full of women. Is this a family? No? Who know
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: you two are kin to each other? Y'all friends or something? Cousins.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: And then who are these two right here?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Who's Queen Latifah right here in the island dress? Put
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: the camera on Queen Latifah. She about to set it off.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: You have a beautiful smile.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah. Where she doing?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: She trying to get your number? Uh-oh, you about to
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: fuck Ishmu? What just happened? Why is she giving you
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: a phone back?
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: That's your phone? That's hers. She want your number? You
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: want his number? I'll hook this shit up. You want
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: to develop an app together? You trying to get my
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: number for her? Oh, you trying to fuck me. Oh, okay.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I like her. She can get right to it. I'm
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: only in town tonight, so if that's how you move.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Maybe.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: But there's two roofers right here that will fuck the
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: shingles off your ass. Yep.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Yep. And then they gonna fuck each other right after that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: That's what they do. That's what they do. Yeah. R-U-R.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: And what's your name, queen? Z? What's your whole name?
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Don't nobody name no goddamn baby Z. Zanetta. Oh, you
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: a little ratchet, huh? Zanetta, you sound like you used
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: to fight your whole teenage years. You're like, bitch, I'm bitch,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: it's Zanetta, it's Big V, bitch. Where you from, Zanetta? Brooklyn?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: What part? Over there by Brooklyn in the house? All right,
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: y'all make it home safe now. Don't tear up no
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: shit out here. Where you stay? Over there by Peaches?
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: You live in the A? What the fuck you doing here?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: You just came to me, kick it with your homegrown,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: try to get some for me, huh?
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: What y'all think? Should I do it? Okay.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: They said no.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Hey, let's look two rows back behind them.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: There's a white man and a white woman that.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Look the same. I would like to show them. There
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you go. Right there. A little to the right, Canada.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Just a little to the stop.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: There you go. That's right, that's Joe Dirt and Joella Dirt.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Is that a mama's son? Is that what's going on?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's why you look alike. Y'all got
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: the same forehead. I like what you're doing, hell yeah.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: That boy got shoe game, though. He got shoe game,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I see you.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: What's your name, man? Checked?
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Jack.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: And what's your mama name?
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: Jill.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Look, she try to get, here, I'll take the money. Don't,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: come on, I see you. I saw you with a
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: couple dollars on you. How much is that? A hundred dollars?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna fuck everybody on the road for.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: The hundred dollars. Oh shit, here, take it back. God damn.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Your ass looks terrible when you just dance right there.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: That motherfucker was like, she was like, you want some
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: of this?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: What's your name? Little ass. Little booty mountain.
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: What?
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Sign? Lisa. It is nice to meet you, Lisa. We
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: got to work on how you move your ass, though.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: What I want you to do for this show ends
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: is get with them two cousins on the end, and
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: they gonna teach you how to separate your spine from
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: your ass.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Because that little shit you just did was not... Only
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: the roofers like that.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I've been on the ground long enough to see some
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: ass that actually move a little bit.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: That's what I like. I like the kind of ass
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: that twerks when she just walking. She ain't even trying.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Oh my.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: God.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: What's up? You actually security or you just model? You
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: got a lot of waves on your head. Check. What's
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: your name? Dwayne?
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: You new here? How long you been here? 10 years?
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Since you were 11? How old are you?
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: You 29?
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: You single?
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It's some work in this motherfucker. He said, I already
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: spotted him. He saw both of y'all cousins down there.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: He mad.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: He got sat right there. He like, come on, Ishmus,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: switch it, boy. Ishmus said, thank you, come again. I'ma
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: hook you up with somebody too, fuck it. You got
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: a wife or kids or shit?
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Newly divorced? Oh, I'm gonna focus on you. How new? Tuesday?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: How new? Three weeks? Damn. Did it come out of
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: nowhere or you knew like, you're like, man, this shit
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: ain't gonna work. So you ready? Kinda?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So you need the type of woman that'll fuck the
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: shit out of you and make you forget all that
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: other bullshit?
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Lisa.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Lisa, bring that stiff ass over here. Tell him you
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: have a weapon on you. He gotta search you. We
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: gotta wand you down.
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: He's 29 Lisa, that's a party boy.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Have your little shoes in there. That's a beautiful black
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: woman on the screen too. Let's talk to her, shit.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: How you doing queen? You looking at me, let's do it.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah, got pretty feet, got your little toe rings
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: on and shit. Who you with, you with the pastor
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: and the first lady? Y'all look like y'all run a
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Baptist church out there in Springfield. Don't it look like
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: if I give him the mic, he'll be like, we
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: fall down, but we get up for a saint is
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: just a sinner who.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Fell down, had ass up. What's your name, Deacon? Deacon. Gerald?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: And who's your queen with you with the shoulders out? Letitia.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: How long y'all been together? 16 years. Black love.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Y'all look good. I ain't even gonna fuck it up.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: She be fucking up, but I like y'all together. And
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: then who was this with you in the orange looking
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: like a piece of Sherbert's? You don't even know her?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: You by yourself? Shut the fuck up. Hey. What'd you think, dog?
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: What'd you think?
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Huh? He like, you don't do your shit. Do your shit.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: You got some action right here. Look at his little dimples.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: What's your name?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Huh? Huh?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Malcolm? Uh, no. No, hell no. Times have changed. That's a...
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I can't... If that's a.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: My radar off. You say your name was Malcolm? Mel! Okay,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I thought you tried to say you was
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: some other shit going on. Let's just act like that
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: didn't happen. Let's just come on back. Hey, Queen in
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: the Sherbert. Thought you said you was a king for
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: a second. I was like, oh.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: He was still smiling though, like, I don't give a fuck.
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: He's like, oh, oh, oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: That dimple jumped off and ran away. Come back, dimple.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So Mel, you're by yourself? You just came solo? That's courageous.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: You're brave. Shit, where'd you come from? One more time.
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: Dorchester.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Dorchester. Is that how you talk all the time? Dorchester. Dorchester.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: I'm from fucking Dorchester. What the fuck? What the fuck
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: you park the fucking car for the car park? Where
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Dorchester at? How far is that? Boston. The B. Throw
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: it up. Okay. You a fireman? You a fireman?
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: All the women I met in Boston are firemen. What
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: do you do? Registered nurse. You're a hero. Shit. I
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: heard one of the security guards got a boo-boo on
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: his balls. And he needs a registered nurse to check
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: it out. Ain't that right, dimples? I like that. How
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: young are you?
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: 36 and 29, I'll do it.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I'll do it all day. All goddamn day.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: And you single, ain't no man out there saying, where
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: the fuck is my baby at? Wait a minute, what
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: was that little look?
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Did y'all see that shit? Did y'all see that shit?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Nah, fuck that. You ain't gonna have me at no
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: goddamn Coldplay concert on the motherfucking screen.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Fuck that. Y'all see that shit? I said, look at
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: these white people acting like.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: So you from Dorchester? And it's a man back in
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Boston that's like, where the fuck you at? You solo, single,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: all the way. You ain't got no work husband.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: You ain't got no boyfriend that meet you at the
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: mailbox and open letters at the same time. What's all
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the little hand shit you doing? Your nonverbals are off
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: the chart for lying. It's complicated? Okay, well, let's uncomplicate it.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: You so goddamn beautiful.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: There's no reason a man should be bullshitting with you. Okay?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: So when you get home, you call him. Matter of fact,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: text that right now.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Say, I met somebody new, and he got dimples.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And he going to protect and serve this. He going
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: to check it. He going to wand it down. Now,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: this is for you. Yeah, yeah. She beautiful, huh? Am
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I right? You see what I see, right? Okay. Now,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: is he handsome? I can't see his whole face.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: All right. Both of y'all stand up. Come on, Dorchester,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: stand up. Security, you got to do your fucking job.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Stand up.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I want you to hug her, man. I want to
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: see if y'all got energy. You don't got to know
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: him to hug him. Shit, you sat on Santa Claus.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: God damn. If you don't hug the fuck out of her.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Shit. Shit.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: That motherfucker ain't got no panties on. That's what I'm
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: talking about. Shit, you making me walk different. I don't
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: know what you dropped, but drop it again.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Fuck. This what I'm talking about. This area got some
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: beautiful goddamn women. Shit. I'm gonna fuck around and get
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: me a little apartment out here. Hell yeah. I just
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: need something that costs.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: About $ 600.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Impossible, what if I stand mad a pan? 600.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get somewhere with a fucked up roof. I
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: know somebody that'll fix it. All right, now let's talk
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: to the child, man. I just wanna make sure everybody
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: sees that we have.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Literally a baby in here. He is prepubescent, there is
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: no hair on his face. Is that a mouth full
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: of braces?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, see I wasn't sure if you were a little
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: boy or if you were a lesbian.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: And so, now that I can see you with the
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: lights on, go ahead and show him. There he is,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: all right.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Now, if you could just tip the camera back just
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: enough to get the second row to see who I
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: thought he was.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: We got rock, paper, scissors, scissors, scissors! You're beautiful too, sis.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: That's a couple. Y'all look good together.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Look at you, got your hand all down into her loins.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: You're married. You're like, this is old news.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I've been eating this box 20 years. Shit, that's the
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: first lesbians.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Goddamn. 20 years. That's before Harvey Milk. Shit.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You guys should be in a museum first. yes sir
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: yes sir alright this is what I want I want
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: the lesbian the little boy and the mama all to
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: look at the camera at the same time now go
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: back to that picture now go back to them now
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: go back to that picture I don't know how y'all
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: all look a little bit alike There's something in the water.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: You're Italian too? Oh shit, we found your dad. He
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: used to be male, now he's Malcolm.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: This shit is fun. I'm enjoying myself. I'm enjoying myself.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk to the retired NBA player or old
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: football running back.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: What's your name, boss? Daryl. And am I right? Are
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: you retired from the league or something? Who'd you play?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: No?
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm just an a * * hole. I
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: ain't do shit. You shining, though, bro. You got down
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to the socks. I'm talking about to the socks, bro.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: You fresh as a mother. Is that a Tootsie Roll
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Pop sock? Show his sock. Look at his shoe gang.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Look how, look.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Them shoes brand new. That didn't even tie those. He
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: just took the loops. Sir, you're doing your goddamn thing.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: White people, if you don't know, black people, we tell
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: how you're doing in life.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Off of your shoes. And he got his shit together.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Now, pan down and a little bit to the left,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: two seats to your left cannon. I want you to
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: see somebody who's not doing well. That got on the motherfucking.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: He gonna dance. Them boots look easy to draw. So Darryl,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: what you do, man? Why you got your shit together
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: so tight, man? You work with Brothers Coming Out of Prison?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: You create programs for them?
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic. That's dope. That's dope.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: You recognize anybody? You see anybody that you work with
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: sitting around here? What about that little boy over there
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: that look like Joe Dirt, huh? You recognize him? He's like, no,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know him. If I did, I wouldn't say nothing.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: And so, and this your lady right here with her
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: doing her fingers, nervous?
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay. Well, you looking at me? Are you looking
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: away now? Okay, all right. I will honor that.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: But you do look beautiful. I think you should know that. Daryl,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: you did, you goddamn, you did a big one with that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah. Yes, sir. Nice to meet you, Daryl. How
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: old are you, Daryl? You look young and old. You
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: do look both. You look like Michael B.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Jordan and Michael Jordan at the same time.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: 25? Oh, I was about to shit everywhere. I said,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: this is 25? Okay, you said 55?
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: You look good for 55. 25 was outrageous, but 55,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I can fuck with that.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Outstanding. Outstanding.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk to the people behind you. Let's start
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: with the big guy that's spread out in the seat
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: right there. This girl say, yes sir, baby.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Fuck yeah, he's about to get us, papi. What's your name,
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: my guy? Hello, Kyle. I'm all right, man. Don't be
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: so happy, man. It make it hard to get you.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: And this your girl fixing her hair? Yes. Is she
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: like that all the time? Oh, oh, married. Recently? How
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: long ago? She said, I don't know. What the fuck?
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I've been drinking. Don't ask me no fucking dates. But fuck,
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I love him and that's all that fucking matters. I'm
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: from Dorchester. What's up, Mel? Where you from? Where? New
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Ed fan? What is she saying? New Bedford? Thank you,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: thank you, thank you. Are you from Old Bedford?
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, because I can't tell if you're young or old,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: so I figure maybe you knew about the original Bedford.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Okay. That's wonderful.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: We haven't even done anything yet. I just saw you.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: He's like, man, fuck, I ain't know shit gonna do
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: this shit. Lock in, your girl acting brand new.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, there's domestic violence right there.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: That was romantic, but you could tell that if he
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: was mad, he'd grab her head and say, bitch, I
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: said shut the fuck up.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Get you some of that motherfucking titty, bitch. Breathe that in.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: I can't breathe. Carlito, Carlito, stop. So how did y'all meet?
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: What's the origin of your love story? 2021.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: That's when you met. Where were you? You met her
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: in high school and waited. What was that deep breath, brother?
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I met her in high school and that's all that matters.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: She made you wait that long? You made him be your.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Friend since high school? Uh-huh.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: 20 years later, you rekindled your friendship and now you
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: have a baby. Okay, that ended up being beautiful, but
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: the way you talk, it makes me feel like it's
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: some bullshit.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: We met 20 years ago, and then after that, and
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: that was all I thought about. You sound like the nanny,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Fran Dreschow. Do you love her? Wait a minute, ma'am.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: You gotta use your ears. I'm trying to see how
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: he feels. I'm assessing your relationship right now. This is
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: a full-on SAT. SAT. You love her, sir? You love
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: her now? Did you love her back then when you
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: met her? He's like, hell no.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep it a buck. I just started
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: loving her Wednesday. You guys are growing on me a
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: little bit, though. I think you might make it. I'm
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: on the fence, though, but I believe in you. You
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: already have the baby, you said you have a child?
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: I'll stay. Eight-month-old, little boy, little girl? Little girl. She's
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: the sweetest, huh? Her name is Story? Oh, that's an
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: interesting name. Why you name her Story? She got a
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: lot going on. She got a beginning, a middle, and.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Is she bad? Not yet. You know she about to
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: be bad? How you know? She'd be like, shut up, fat.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: I'm your father.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: He's just like your mother. Y'all gonna be all right.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Let's talk to T-Pain's uncle back behind them.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: No, no, not him. To the left. That's Tech N9ne.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Keep the camera on. Is that Tech N9ne? Oh, I
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: was like, y'all. No, I'm talking about T-Pain, right there.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: To the left, Canada. Little bit to the left. Little
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: to the left, stop. That's T-Pain, uncle. Can you see it?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: He looks just like Teddy Pena. Is that a, what
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: is that behind you? Is that a wig? That dreads
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: like a white chick. Oh, you want to talk about mamas.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: You look like that said, the devil is not welcome here.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Y'all remember Bad Boy? The devil is not welcome here.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Little Zoe Pound sitting in the middle of the showroom.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: What up, Zoe? This girl started crying immediately. I told
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: you you don't die of that shit. What's your name?
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: This really your hair? You look like Key and Peele
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: in a sketch. Deprecatory Mason. What do you do? What's
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: your occupation? A little louder. I can't hear you over
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: your dreads. What did he say? A pawnbroker? Oh, man.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: You be taking people's shit. Do you give it back
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: to them for the same price? Hey man, I'm on
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: my feet now.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: You be like, yeah, a hundred more dollars than what
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: you dropped it off for.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: You are on fire tonight. Go back, go back. I
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: got to see it. What is that from?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I know it's Anthony Anderson, but this guy look like
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: the gay version of this picture.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Go back. Oh, shit. So you a pawnbroker.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: You take people's shit and hang on to it, and
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: then when they come back for it, you charge them
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: more like a little asshole. It's like, I do what
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I gotta do. Where your pawn shop at? You got
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: some good shit down there? You got some Rolexes?
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Where is it at? Vernon, Connecticut? Nobody made no noise.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: They don't... Big-ass room, nobody was like, yeah, Vernon! Nobody.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Is that a small town? How small? What's it next?
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Where do you get your groceries at? Manchester. Okay. That's
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: what you used to be. A man. It's Chester. So
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: this your queen with you right here?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: How long y'all been together? A long time? You don't
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: count no more? You just like, fuck it, I'ma just
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: keep coming home.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Okay. Y'all got your hair done at the same time?
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: You look beautiful, sis, but whoever did your dress don't
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: like you. That motherfucker was yanking like a motherfucker. She
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: be like, bitch, shut your... Your goddamn dread's so tight,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: can you think? She's like, I had an idea, but
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: it's up there somewhere. All right, let's see. I'm enjoying
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: myself right now, fucking around. Right there in the little hat,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: the little LA hat. You all right, man? You trying
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: to catch your breath. I'm talking to you, girls or drugs.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: You all right, Pop? You good, everything good? That's your
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: queen right there? Y'all look good. How long y'all been together?
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Couple years? You don't count no more? Or is it
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: literally two years? Huh? You love her? You don't love
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: her more than that hat. You grabbed that hat. Balls
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: about to pop. He's like, what the shit? Oh, shit. Whatever, bitch.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Give me my hat.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Now, listen, I'm going to give you a chance to
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: redeem yourself, because when I asked you if you love her,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: your answer was delayed, and it got a response to
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: how long you took.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Hold on. Take a deep breath. You love her? Outstanding.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Is that better, sis? All right, girl. I don't want
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: you mad at him in the car and shit. I
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: asked you if you love me, and you was bullshitting
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: on your little answer. You ever ran into a barrier?
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: My hat! All right, we got a little group of
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: white folks right in there. How y'all doing? Hey. Outstanding.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: The guy in front of you look like he's an
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: injury attorney or something. What are you, Dirk Nowitzki's lawyer?
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: What's your name, sir, with the ears?
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Dirk Nowitzki. You know who I'm talking about, Cannon? Can
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: you see him?
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: There's a man wearing Washington Commanders, but in front of
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: him is the man from Breaking Bad.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: He's always talking about me. Yes, you. You look sick.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Is everything okay? He's like, thumbs up. Move on, motherfucker. No,
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I want to talk. No, don't fuck me. Fuck your barber.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: That's a date. Y'all having fun?
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: That's your wife. So it's date night with your wife.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Dropped the kids off and came out. Like took a
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: shit and came, or you mean like your actual child,
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: like you got childcare and then came out to have
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: some fun?
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Outstanding.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: And so I could be wrong, but it looks like
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: there is a little bit of an age gap between y'all.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: How young are you, sir? 46?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you look terrible. I'm not even going to hold you.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: You look, you look, you need some goddamn vitamins. Some motherfucking,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: am I tripping? He's 46. Is there anybody else in
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: here 46?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: Stand up. You 46? He looks like your dad. You're 46, Derek?
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Look at black 46. Stand up, Derek. Look at black 46. Cannon,
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: show the young 46 right there. Look at him, 46
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: years old.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: That boy look 19. Now go back to the white man.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: My back.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Hopefully that helped you get your shit together. You know,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: you start on your health journey tomorrow. And how old
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: is your wife, man?
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: 28. Yes, sir.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I like you now. You did the goddamn thing. You
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: right on the cusp of like some R. Kelly shit,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: but I like, I like what you did. So where
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: did you meet her at? Did you used to be
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: her principal or something? Hold on just a second, the
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: other 46 is on the way out. Where you going there?
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Where you, you got a poop pee? He look young,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: but that bladder tell the truth, don't it? Over 40,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: he'd be like, I can't hold this no more.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: If you over 40, you ever had to pee so
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: bad you actually hold your.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: You like, fuck this. I ain't got no more muscles.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to hang on to the head. So
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: how did you meet your little wife?
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: You worked in the same building at the casino? Atlantic City?
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you got out of there. They about to
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: blow that motherfucker up. So at Mohegan Sun? Okay, so
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: you're a dealer, ma'am, or cocktail waitress, or administration, what'd
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you do? Oh, so we can't really interact that much,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: you'll fuck around.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: Fuck it? Fuck it.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: How long have your ears been like that? What do
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: you do here, listen for card counters? I'm so happy
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: we added that part of the show. It's really fun. Well,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: your wife is beautiful, man. You did fantastic for yourself, man.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Did she make it hard on you or was it
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: a smooth transition into love?
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: She made you work for that? Interesting. You talk like
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: you're from another era. She made me work for that.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Then I got it. Ooga booga. Okay. And so, how
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: long you been together? Okay, so five years. Nice. Okay, okay.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: I believe in you, but I'm concerned. You know what
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: I mean? They concern me. What you want, Dan? He's like,
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: I'm gay.
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: If you want some on the roof, I got them.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: What you want, dad? As long as they're happy, they're good. No, no, no, no.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: I like them.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying the age difference is almost nasty.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: But it's not by like.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Six months. He doing good for himself. That's what we
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: say when we like who you got with. You did
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: good for yourself. And let me talk to this old
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: white man with the suntan right over here.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: How you doing, sir? You look burnt the fuck up.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I thought you were black when the lights were down,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: and now that they're up, I see you've cooked yourself outside.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Do you also work on roofs? No? Okay. Who's that
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: lady laughing hysterically next to you?
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: That's your wife? She don't like you, man. She loves you,
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: but she don't like your goofy ass. You can tell
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: right now. Looked at her laughing uncontrollably. She's like, fuck
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: this sunburnt motherfucking Ernest goes to camp, hair plug wearing, trip.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: To turkey head ass. Sir, I want to issue an apology.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Because all of that was, I think all that was
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: okay until I said trip to turkey head ass.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: That's where I went too far. And so.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: What do you do? You're a mailman? I was just playing.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: I do not want to meet you.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: On your route with all your guns and shit. You
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: ain't going to go postal on me, you hear me?
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I was just fucking around. I don't want no problems.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: So is that how you met your woman right there?
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: You were just dropping off some mail and then dropped
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: off some....
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: How'd you meet your queen? At a bar. What was
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: it called? Carrots?
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Hey, she got some choppers on her. She got to
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: suck your d * * * carefully. Don't try not
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: to laugh, motherfucker.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: That's funny. He's like, I'd like to have my penis
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: sucked again. What the fuck? You hit a speed bump,
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: she'll bite through that motherfucker. Clean out.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: Like licorice, you're going to fight back. I love y'all, man.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Fox hoods. Fuck with your boy. Watch my Netflix special.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: Y'all be cool.