Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / THE MIDLIFE MELTDOWN! DID YOU HAVE ONE?

Transcript

THE MIDLIFE MELTDOWN! DID YOU HAVE ONE? · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

0:04
Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
0:08
you to let it go and don't look back.
0:11
We've nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
0:14
Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
0:19
personality Eden Kendall. Welcome everyone to uncluttered
0:22
and unfiltered word, the podcast for women over 50.
0:25
I'm Eden and Christine Stone is with me, professional organizer
0:29
and like every episode starting last week and moving forward,
0:34
she will have a nice juicy tidbit for you on organizing at
0:38
the end of the episode, right? Yes, every episode I'm going to
0:41
give you just one little tip on how to start organizing.
0:46
So every week you need to listen because I see this all the time,
0:50
so I'm sharing it with you. And we do have entire episodes
0:54
that focus on maybe one section of the house.
0:56
And if you go back through our our library, you'll find those.
0:59
We have a ladies only Facebook group and we asked you recently.
1:06
Let me read it to you as I wrote it, ladies, for an upcoming
1:09
episode, which is of course, this one.
1:11
Did you experience a paramenopausal meltdown where
1:15
you either did something drastic or came close to it?
1:18
Blowing up a relationship, quitting a job, something that
1:21
was likely looking back, driven by hormones.
1:25
Let us know in the comments. And you guys came through as you
1:29
typically do. Trudy was telling us a little
1:32
bit about how, you know, over the age of 35, she was starting
1:38
to get all kinds of laundry list of symptoms and things like
1:41
that. And she would take it out on
1:43
other people. And we had Angelique who
1:46
messaged us saying that it was really like a storm, you know,
1:50
just everything going on was like a storm.
1:52
Nancy also commented and said that she was really in the midst
1:57
of it because she had her only child at the age of 44 and then
2:00
went immediately in the metabause.
2:02
Oh my God, that's terrible. Poor Nancy, Poor.
2:05
Nancy Gosh. So this is something that even
2:09
during that Oprah special they discussed, and what they talked
2:12
about was that there was like a high number of divorce cases
2:15
that were attributed to perimenopause.
2:18
Yep, Yep. And I, I brought this up to you
2:22
because I feel like when I was in perimenopause, I was just,
2:29
there were times I was super happy, but then I was a time
2:32
bomb about to explode. I think that people do not talk
2:37
about perimenopause is well, back then they didn't talk about
2:42
it at all. It was like, sorry, you know,
2:44
you have to wait till you don't get a period for your, your good
2:47
luck and have a nice life. And you're like, what?
2:51
Of course now people do talk about and they're trying to be
2:54
more open about it and they're trying to help people that are
2:56
going through it, which I think is fabulous.
2:59
But I could see, can't you see going through that and saying
3:04
like your husband like moves a fork a certain way.
3:07
You're like, Oh my God, that's it.
3:08
We're done. I can't live with you cannot
3:11
live like this anymore. Can't do it.
3:15
Or. I mean, I have, I I've had
3:18
friends who, you know, ended marriages over that kind of
3:21
thing. Like we're like brother and
3:23
sister now because. Yeah, you know why?
3:25
Because perimenopause, you have no sexual feelings.
3:27
It's not him, it's you, Right, Right.
3:30
And that's. Listen, I know there are
3:31
situations. This is not here to.
3:33
We're not here to sit there and judge whether or not you made a
3:35
mistake or something because you ended a marriage.
3:37
I mean, certainly there are a lot of reasons where you, you
3:39
had to, or maybe you did it and you're way better off for it.
3:43
But I remember being going through a phase like in my, I
3:47
want to say mid 40s where I definitely wasn't my, my focus
3:52
was more on myself than it probably, you know, then I mean,
3:56
really what needed my attention then were my, my family, you
3:59
know, my family needed more attention.
4:01
You know, the kids are in high school.
4:02
My son was kind of goofing off. You know, there was all kinds of
4:04
things where my focus really should have been.
4:07
And I was all about, you know, just let's go hang out with
4:10
friends and let's, let's do you know, I just think that that was
4:14
looking back, but there were some definite things that
4:20
menopause did. And a lot of people don't know
4:23
my story exactly where I was working in radio and then I was
4:27
working in radio and TV simultaneously.
4:29
And then one had to go and I was like 1's a lot more work.
4:33
I have to get ready and get free everyday and blah, blah, blah.
4:36
So I quit. And when I I started to regret
4:39
it and after 2 1/2 years, it worked out where I was able to
4:42
resume that position and leave the radio.
4:45
But my point is, I think menopause had a lot to do with
4:49
me making that decision to leave.
4:51
TVI came back to it, but I think that I was feeling ugly, I was
4:57
feeling old, I was feeling worn out.
4:59
And so I blew up a pretty good situation.
5:02
It worked out beautifully, but I did.
5:07
I just exploded it. I was like, I just can't do it
5:09
anymore. People are like, are you crazy?
5:10
That is such a good job. Like I just, I just don't want
5:13
to see myself on camera. I don't want to have people
5:17
message me about what I wore today.
5:18
I just couldn't take it. That would be.
5:20
Tough. That would be tough.
5:22
Right at menopause. But I also think, I think women
5:27
in general at some point in their life feel like blowing up
5:33
their life. Like whether they have toddlers
5:36
running around and they haven't washed their hair in, you know,
5:39
2 weeks and they don't want to make another dinner and they're
5:43
tired or you know what I mean? Like perimenopause, menopause,
5:49
that it's not like they want to do it on purpose.
5:53
They don't have a healthy way to do it.
5:58
You know what I mean? Like, I feel like every woman at
6:02
some point in their life has said, I'm going to ditch
6:05
everybody. I'm going to get my car and I'm
6:07
going to go live on an island and I'm just going to be by
6:12
myself and no one will be able to bug me and I won't have to
6:16
worry about anything. And then of course, the next day
6:19
you wake up and a lot of times you don't follow through with
6:23
it, but a lot of times people do follow through with it.
6:26
They're like I'm done. But if you had your family or
6:31
your significant other or your best friend watch the movie that
6:34
plays in your mind sometimes where you walk through the
6:38
blowing up of your life, they would commit you.
6:42
I mean, they would Baker out you so fast.
6:45
I'm not trying to be lighthearted.
6:47
I'm saying. I know.
6:49
You know, I mean, if you ever had that, you know, fantasy of
6:52
like, what would it be like right now if all of the sudden,
6:55
and I'm talking about young women, I can't even remember the
6:59
TV show I was watching where the ladies were like, you know, I
7:01
just sometimes fantasize about being a widow.
7:04
You were like, you said that out loud.
7:07
You can't say that out loud, you know, I mean, sometimes you
7:12
just, you know, hormones are a funny thing and and you can't
7:16
overstate it enough. Well, don't you think sometimes
7:19
though, people are in a lot of pain?
7:22
Well, sure. And and so that's part of it.
7:25
Like they're in so much pain, they don't see another way out.
7:28
They're like, I'm just going to throw it all away.
7:31
And, you know, like when your friend has said that to you, or
7:35
I've had a friend that has said that to me and I'm like, don't
7:37
do it. You're, you know, think about
7:39
this like, let's talk it through through.
7:42
You don't want to make a rash decision that you may regret,
7:45
you know, and then you you feed, you know, you go back and forth
7:49
and you kind of try to reason with somebody on why this may be
7:55
a decision they haven't thought out really well.
7:59
And I think everybody, that's why everyone needs a really good
8:02
girlfriend to talk you out of some things sometimes.
8:06
I mean, because what you feel, how we say this to my kids, what
8:12
you feel in your 30s is going to be different than what you feel
8:16
in your 50s. And what you feel in your 40s is
8:18
going to be different than what you feel in your 60s.
8:21
And everyone thinks they know best.
8:23
Everyone thinks when they're at AI know better.
8:26
You don't understand. We've all said that too.
8:29
You don't understand. And then I've had friends years
8:34
later, like 1520 years later, say, I think I was in
8:39
perimenopause or something because I kind of would have
8:43
liked to be married to my first husband, you know, the man who
8:47
was the father of my children versus someone who really
8:52
doesn't really care much about my kids.
8:54
He tolerates them. But you know what I'm saying?
8:57
Like, yes, I, I just think sometimes people make rash
9:01
decisions because there's so many reasons.
9:05
Some. Of that, you have to think some
9:08
of that is going to be cleaning up your memory a little bit like
9:12
maybe, you know, maybe giving the guy a little more credit
9:16
than he really is due because hindsight is not really 2020, to
9:20
be honest. Sometimes hindsight, you
9:22
remember people in a better light than that they really
9:25
were. I mean, it's just like when
9:26
someone breaks up with somebody who's a jerk, but all they can
9:29
remember is that he was great, you know, But I see your point
9:33
in that there are a lot of people who are like, you know
9:35
what, right now he's just not doing it for me.
9:37
Or I'm just not, you know, I can't live like this.
9:39
And then, you know, you're then you're in your 50s, you're
9:43
you're a homebody now. And he's healthy, happy and, and
9:47
living his best life. And you're like, man, you know,
9:51
I should have stuck it out. Right I.
9:53
Should have stayed. Also, I think sometimes it's
9:57
self sabotage, like when things are going really, really,
10:00
really, really well in your life and all of a sudden you go, I
10:03
need some drama or I have to blow this up or I don't deserve
10:06
this or whatever it is. You kind of self sabotage
10:11
anything good going on in your life.
10:14
Yeah, the drama, the butterflies, the drama, the even
10:17
being sad sometimes when you're feeling nothing.
10:20
Feeling. Sad is better than, nothing is
10:23
better than. Nothing for some people.
10:25
Now I, I don't feel like in this group, we need to do the
10:28
disclaimer of like, you know, really, please seek professional
10:31
help. And mental illness is very, you
10:33
know, big cause for some of this.
10:35
But what we are saying is if you're like, OK, that's not me.
10:38
What I'm feeling is just angst and boredom.
10:41
You're not alone. You know, hormones play a role,
10:44
and certainly it's worth looking into that, you know, looking
10:48
into it with your physician, you know.
10:51
Well, and also sometimes when you hit a certain age in your
10:55
40s and in your 50s, you think to yourself, is this all there
11:00
is? Is that it?
11:02
I mean, that's it and you're. And that's why people blow up
11:06
their lives because they think there's something better out
11:09
there and they're missing out and maybe they are.
11:14
I mean, who am I to say? I have no idea, but sometimes
11:19
you just think that way. But but it may not really be
11:22
true. You may not really be missing
11:24
out on what you think. Sometimes, like especially in
11:27
perimenopause, you feel that way because you're like, Oh my God,
11:30
I'm not getting any younger. And I have like a few more years
11:34
left till I have these great looks still and then I'm going
11:36
to just be some old like, you know what I mean?
11:39
You start talking to yourself like.
11:41
That if I don't make this change now, I never will.
11:43
No one's going to hire me when I'm 50 9, but if I, if I leave
11:49
now, I have a chance of getting higher somewhere or, you know,
11:52
from a perspective of like telling someone off, you know,
11:55
I'm just not going to take it anymore.
11:57
I'm I'm too old to take so and so's BS.
12:00
I'm just going to start telling them off.
12:02
Well, you know what, probably you should sleep on it.
12:07
Yes, probably. You should write a letter and
12:10
put it somewhere and don't send it, you know, because right now
12:14
your hormones are raging. And I the same me that used to
12:18
say like, how dare you say are you on your period every time
12:21
I'm in a bad mood? How?
12:22
Dare you discount my real feelings and say it's emotion
12:26
and this is the same me. That's like, hey, I was
12:28
hormonal, right? Right.
12:30
Give me a break. Right, right.
12:32
Kind of a hypocritical thing, but.
12:35
Well, I just think it's good that people are talking about
12:38
this now because I would have loved to have heard this when I
12:41
was in my 40s and even early 50s.
12:44
I think, you know, when you're going through lack of hormones,
12:50
things are going to go up and down and up and down and you
12:54
just need to, like you said, talk to someone, maybe get your
13:00
hormones regulated, whatever, whatever is going on.
13:03
But think before you do kind of blow up your life, because
13:08
sometimes you can't go backwards.
14:57
And I also think a lot of times, well, there's a couple more
15:00
things. One is, especially younger
15:04
people, instant gratification. If you're not getting things
15:08
instantly, then you're like, I'm out of here.
15:11
That this, I'm not happy. And it's like what, we've only
15:14
been together like a month or whatever it is, or I didn't get
15:19
the purse I wanted or I didn't. Whatever it is, it's always like
15:24
if right now what's going on in the world is instant
15:27
gratification and if not, you're leaving, it's over.
15:32
I'm moving on. You know, back in our day, as
15:37
you hear me say, back in our day, you didn't think like that
15:41
as much. You didn't think, oh, well, I
15:43
mean, things took time. You.
15:46
Couldn't get something the next day.
15:47
If you ordered it online, you couldn't order it online, you
15:49
had to send away. Right, right.
15:51
Or you had to get up and go to the store.
15:53
What a concept. Horrible.
15:56
What a horrible idea. Right.
15:58
And also, I think when people blow up their life, this is just
16:03
my opinion, There's some trauma that has never been discussed,
16:08
talked about or anything. And so you don't know how to
16:13
process because you're kind of living through that experience
16:17
all the time, over and over, over and over.
16:20
And so you're like, screw it, I'm just going to blow up my
16:23
life so I don't have to think about it.
16:25
But what people don't realize is then you bring it into the next
16:28
relationship, the next place you move because feel like I'll move
16:32
to a town like Mayberry RFD where nobody knows anybody and I
16:37
can start fresh. And you know, and it just, it
16:42
everything follows you wherever you go.
16:44
It's like unresolved. There is a, there is a story and
16:49
it's local to us and I actually almost feel bad telling the
16:52
story because I actually do know this woman and met her years
16:56
after the fact and she's very lovely.
16:59
But she you may remember this, it was on Dateline or some of
17:04
those. Other shows I'll know then.
17:06
Yes, where she faked her own kidnapping.
17:10
The Sherry Papini 1. No, she, this woman, is alive
17:14
and well, living in our community.
17:15
Oh, she yeah. I'm not going to I.
17:17
Don't want to say a name? Yeah.
17:18
Don't. Didn't say a name, but I
17:20
actually took a fitness class from her a few years back.
17:23
Then I put it together. I'm like, that's so and so.
17:26
But she, I mean, it was a whole big thing where I mean, you
17:29
know. She blew up her life.
17:31
Blew up her life basically. And bad blow up too.
17:34
Meta dude and they did a whole paper where there was a ransom
17:40
demand on the husband it. Was a Sher.
17:42
It was a Sherry pubini. Yeah, basically.
17:46
I mean, you know. Basically.
17:48
But that's that's unresolved trauma right there.
17:51
Because that's more than just one.
17:53
That's more than just hormone. Right, because.
17:55
But it was. Exacerbated by being in that
17:57
point of your life where you're just perfect storm everything
18:02
hits at once. Yeah.
18:05
I mean, you know, I think that's very drastic though, to do that
18:08
to your kids, your mother, your husband.
18:11
I mean, that's some drastic stuff there.
18:13
Now I'm saying that was drastic, but that that is an example of
18:17
just everything coming to a head where, you know, you're not
18:21
thinking obviously past the moment.
18:25
You know, you're like, this is what's going to get me through
18:28
this moment versus what's going to happen in 15 years when these
18:32
women do a podcast and they're still talking about it.
18:36
Exactly. I agree.
18:38
I think that people don't stop, take a breath, think about what
18:45
they're going to do it. Like I said, it still may be the
18:48
right thing. And then at least you said I did
18:50
think about it, I really did. I thought about the
18:52
consequences, but I'm still ready to do it.
18:56
Well, I say then, at least you thought it through.
19:00
Yep exactly, that just reminded me of that movie.
19:04
What was the movie with Bette Midler where I think it was
19:07
Bette Midler where she was being held hostage in?
19:09
The Oh yeah. Negotiate and, she said.
19:11
Am I being marked down? Right, Right.
19:13
Yeah. Yep, Yep.
19:15
Exactly. Or that movie Gone Girl.
19:18
I mean, Oh my gosh. The same thing.
19:21
She just, she was setting this whole thing up to just blow up
19:24
her life. So yeah, those movies I like, by
19:27
the way. Those women are always in their
19:29
40s. They're never in their 50s like.
19:30
Never. It's always in their 40s.
19:33
Which brings us to the perimenopause thing.
19:36
So. Exactly, that's my point.
19:38
And I mean, there's no, there's no denying that varying levels
19:43
of trauma in your past will get you to, you know, we'll start
19:45
the cycle. But there is a reason this is
19:48
all happening in your 40s. Yeah, I agree.
19:52
So let's talk about something a little brighter.
19:55
Let's talk about the other question before we get to your
20:00
tip, your organizational tip, as long as you know that was a
20:03
question that blowing up your life question was one we asked
20:06
general ladies only group. But there was another question
20:08
we asked and it was this was a just for fun question and I
20:11
found it somewhere and thought I'd share it.
20:13
It was basically what is something you own that you're
20:15
fairly sure that nobody else in this group.
20:18
Meaning our uncluttered and unfiltered Facebook ladies only
20:21
group you're fairly certain nobody else owns or probably not
20:24
many people own. And of all the great answers we
20:27
got, the the one that I think wins the prize, if somebody is
20:30
going to win a prize was by a lady named Brandy who says
20:35
donkeys. I feel really sure that donkeys,
20:38
that she's the only one in our group that has donkeys.
20:41
I think that's probably. Yeah, I don't know anyone that
20:44
owns a donkey. That is unbelievable.
20:47
What do you think yours would be if you had to to say like
20:50
something that you own that you're pretty sure not
20:53
everybody, you know, not not a lot of people in our group own.
20:56
Well, I don't know if a lot of people in our group own it, but
20:59
I could buy. I have two face masks but I
21:03
could buy another one tomorrow like that.
21:05
So having multiple, multiple red light.
21:08
Masks, yeah, I would use them more than one.
21:11
I have two and I definitely use both of them.
21:13
I use them on alternating days and I love it.
21:18
I, I think that anything I'm I'm a new gadget kind of gal and
21:24
you'll hear in upcoming episodes and I, I love gadgets.
21:27
There's probably a gadget you have that's something nobody
21:30
else has because they haven't heard about it yet.
21:32
You probably have something there that isn't going to be new
21:35
to us, I bet. I have products that I have that
21:38
I don't think people have, yeah. Yeah, so I have monkey bars
21:43
across the top of my garage. Yeah, I definitely don't.
21:48
I definitely don't have those. No how, No way.
21:52
I'm pretty sure nobody else in our group has that.
21:55
Maybe, I don't know. It could be wrong.
21:57
It could be wrong. You let us know.
21:58
But that's one of the questions we're asking now.
22:02
Very excited. Are you ready?
22:04
I'm ready, tip. Of the week.
22:06
Tip of the week. Group got.
22:08
Group like items together. I say this all the time and so
22:14
I'm going to explain it a little bit.
22:16
If you keep all your light bulbs together, all your batteries
22:19
together, all your spaghetti sauce and jars of spaghetti
22:23
sauce, all your pasta, all your green beans, keeping like items
22:29
together saves time and it saves money.
22:32
Whether it's in a bathroom with your makeup, keep all your
22:35
mascara together, all your under eye cream together.
22:40
Because the minute you stop doing that, you are just
22:44
inviting clutter into your home. Because you're re buying more of
22:48
the same thing. Because it's scattered all
22:51
throughout and you can't remember you have it.
22:55
And you buy more and it takes you so much longer to get ready
22:59
because you're always searching for something.
23:02
OK, so let me give you an example of something that I
23:06
could go a couple different places, a sewing kit where?
23:09
Where would the sewing kit go? I mean, it's the only, I only
23:13
have one. I don't have anything else.
23:16
Like that I don't sew, but if I did sew I feel like I'd either
23:20
keep it in my bedroom with other items like that.
23:24
Or I it would be an item. Like that, I mean tape or like,
23:29
do you mean like a travel one? Like a little.
23:31
I would keep it with travel stuff.
23:33
I don't think I I mean, I think something like that.
23:37
Now, if you're talking like you're a seamstress, well,
23:40
that's a different story. But everybody has those little
23:43
travel like sewing kits. Yeah.
23:45
That should be in your hanging toiletry bag, your your zip
23:51
zipped up bag that you keep for all your travel stuff with your
23:55
travel items in a trap like in a guest room.
23:58
If you keep all your suitcases and offseason items, have a bin
24:04
with a lid and label it travel. That's where those type of items
24:08
go because if you don't, you'll never find it when you need it.
24:13
I guess that would be if a button would fall off or you
24:15
need to hem your pants. I would not have the talent to
24:19
do that, but I know people do and so that's something that I
24:25
would do is put it with travel items.
24:26
The reason I chose that item is that's the one thing that I I
24:30
never can find what I want it never.
24:34
I had something ripped the other day and I was going to just sew
24:36
it on it. I could not find that sewing kit
24:38
and I know I have it somewhere in this house.
24:41
Right. And that's my point.
24:43
If everything has a home and if it's labeled and you keep all
24:48
your like items together, you won't you won't be searching.
24:51
And searching is what takes up a lot of time.
24:55
And it makes moms late to get the kids to school.
24:58
Dads late. Everybody's late looking for
25:02
something, OK. And it it's just a vicious cycle
25:06
because you're constantly looking for something.
25:10
OK, that's an excellent tip. That is a good one.
25:13
Like items together, make a note, make it a project until we
25:17
meet again. Maybe if you have something
25:19
that's just kind of randomly placed in your home, try to
25:22
think about some other things that would fall into that
25:23
category. I mean, well, or start, start
25:27
small, like maybe this weekend. Corral all batteries in your
25:32
house. Corral all light bulbs in your
25:34
house. Corral all rags.
25:36
You know take one part of the weekend and just start
25:40
corralling like items and putting them in bins and
25:44
labeling them. Or just put a post it note on
25:47
it. If you don't have a label maker
25:49
do something or a dry erase marker.
25:53
You can write on any bin with a dry erase marker and when you
25:59
want to change it, just wipe it off with some water.
26:02
It's simple, inexpensive, easy to do, but I'm telling you it
26:07
will save you time and money. If you liked that tip, we do
26:11
have entire episodes that focus on different areas of your home,
26:15
so go back through our library and find the one that you most
26:18
want to get organized. But moving forward, we're going
26:22
to have one of these tips every single week, so we hope you like
26:26
that. What can you do to support this
26:29
podcast? Tell one friend.
26:31
Just tell one friend. That's all we ask.
26:33
They're all the other things that every podcast asks you to
26:35
do, and those matter. They do.
26:37
If you're the kind of person that leaves a star or gives a
26:40
thumbs up, whatever, that helps. But mostly, we would just want
26:44
you to invite more people into our circle and join us on our
26:46
ladies only, uncluttered and unfiltered Facebook page.
26:49
And until we meet again, instead of lighting that match that's
26:53
going to blow up your whole life, you can let it go.
26:56
And don't look back.