Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / Homeschool Burnout: How a Mom of 8 Stopped Believing Lies & Found Joy

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Homeschool Burnout: How a Mom of 8 Stopped Believing Lies & Found Joy · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

0:00
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to the Christian homemaking
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podcast, Simply Convivial.
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I'm Misty Winkler, homemaker, homeschooling mom of five, grandma, and
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author of the book Home is for Hospitality
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why your home and homemaking matter.
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Convivial means living together with joy, and that's the kind of home atmosphere
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that we want to create in our homes.
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That's why I run Convivial Circle, a community helping women to excel at
0:26
homemaking and do life cheerfully.
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And today I'm joined by one of our members inside Convivial Circle, Victoria.
0:33
Victoria is a Christian wife and mom who's been married to her
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husband, George, for 20 years.
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They currently have eight kids ranging in age from one to 14
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they spend most of their days growing together in their faith,
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homeschooling Charlotte Mason style, and spending time with family.
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They have a chubby orange cat, a working line- â¦ German shepherd,
0:56
and Victoria has recently taken on the surprising vocation of, I don't
1:00
know if I'm gonna say this right-
1:02
Speaker 3: No, you're gonna go for it â¦ Schutzhund?
1:02
I think it's Schutzhund.
1:04
It, they also call it IGP, so either one.
1:06
Speaker 2: Okay.
1:07
Schutzhund trainer.
1:08
Yes.
1:08
So it's a new puppy?
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Speaker 3: Um, new-ish, yes.
1:11
Yeah.
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We got him when, eight weeks before I had my baby.
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Speaker 2: All right.
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Wow.
1:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
1:16
That's intense.
1:16
Go big or go home, yes.
1:18
Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for joining me today.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:23
Speaker 2: So you've been in, a member inside Convivial Circle
1:26
off and on for a few years.
1:28
Mm-hmm.
1:28
And I'd love for you to tell us a bit about what made you join the first
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time a few years ago- Mm-hmm â¦ and then quit, which is totally fine.
1:37
Mm-hmm, yeah.
1:37
And I think that a lot of women will relate to that.
1:40
Mm-hmm.
1:40
And, um, I know you have a few, some definite helpful things to share.
1:45
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:45
So, um, when I joined in, um, we live in the northeast so the weather gets really
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nasty in, like, the January-ish timeframe.
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And, um, I'd had baby number seven in June, the end of June the
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previous year, and our homeschooling had been super inconsistent.
2:04
Um, we started with the Abeka, and then we moved to kind ofâ¦
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I don't remember if we had moved to Charlotte Mason yet.
2:10
I think we had tried Charlotte Mason.
2:12
And, um, I realized that we were having a lot of problems,
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especially with my one son.
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Um, and so we tried Abeka again during my pregnancy 'cause I was
2:21
like, "Oh, we need to get this right."
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And so kind of have this new baby, school is feeling a little all over the place.
2:28
I'm not sure what's going on.
2:30
Side note, that fast-forward, like, a year later, we found out my oldest
2:34
three, um, deal with dyslexia, and I did not know because it's the oldest three.
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So I thought from the get-go, this is the way kids learn to read.
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And I was always an avid reader, my kids weren't, and I just figured,
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you know, everybody's different.
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Um, but my third deals with dyslexia severely to profoundly,
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so, like, we were going nowhere.
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Um, so anyways, just to kinda set the scene, I'm kind of in
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this, like, feeling s- feeling messy, it's feeling overwhelming.
3:03
Um, and I can't remember if I heard about you through Pam Barnhill or
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I get a lot of my, like, homeschool inspiration through YouTube.
3:09
Found out about you, and I thought, "Okay, I'm gonna give this a go.
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I'm gonna get things organized.
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We're gonna get things, you know, down pat and flowing."
3:16
And I am an overanalyzer, and Iâ¦
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Pretty sure I'm, like, a, a, not a super perfectionist.
3:23
I am such a bad perfectionist I didn't think I was a perfectionist.
3:27
Um, and I was getting tripped up over a lot of the things, like the brain dumps.
3:32
Like, am I doing this right?
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And I just, I really wanted these systems 'cause I wanted, you know, to
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get things in order around my house.
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Um, and I kept getting tripped up.
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And my husband's like, "You know what?"
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He's like, "If this is causing you, like, more stress than it is, you know,
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helping you, like, things are okay.
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Like, you know," He's like, "You do a good job.
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Like, just put it to the side."
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And I was like, "Okay."
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And again, though, my focus was get me a system, get me up and running,
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tell me what I need to do that I already don't know how to do.
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Um, and I was finding, like, a lot ofâ¦
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I did sweep and smile, but, like, on my own.
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And, um, I didn't join, like, SOCC or I forget the other group, um,
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the one that, like, runs in tandem.
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I was just kind of doing it on my own, and I felt like a lot of these things I
4:15
already have in place or know how to do.
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And it's funny because a lot of your videos where you talked about heart
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issues, in my head, I was just kind of like, "Yeah, I don't, you know, I
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don't know why she's talking about that.
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Just, like, show me what I need to do."
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And in retrospect, I was like, "Those are the ones I actually needed to listen to."
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Um, so I dropped out.
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And fast-forward, um, through that year, we kind of got
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school underway and in line.
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Praise the Lord.
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Got some things kind of working there.
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Um, then we're into, like, 2025.
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I had a baby in, at the end of August, and things were, were going well.
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Like, I wasn'tâ¦
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I was dealing with a little bit of overwhelm from time to
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time, um, but not horrible.
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And something that-
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Speaker 2: It would be amazing if a homeschool mom of eight didn't
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feel some overwhelm sometimes.
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Speaker 3: Well, you know, it's funny.
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I don't know.
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I had, like, much more of a peace.
5:09
Like, oh, and we did a- a- add in the dog, who, by the way, at first, we thought
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was, like, a complete mistake 'cause he started, like, nipping at our children.
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Um, long story, but it was kind of my husband's idea to get a
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dog, and we didn't want aâ¦
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We wanted to be careful with the breeding because, you know, German shepherds
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can have a lot of health issues.
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And he got a working line German shepherd, which is, like, what
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the police use for their dogs.
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Like, he's, like, a, he could be bred to be, like, a police dog, which is great,
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and it doesn't mean he's aggressive.
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It means he needs a job, and he needs to be busy, and he's
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like a really smart toddler boy.
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And so he was, like, nipping my toddler boy, so we even have a picture of, likeâ¦
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I took the picture, mom moment, but, like, the child was fine, the dog was
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fine, of, like, three of my kids holding the dog, and the dog literally has the
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rear end seat of my son's pajama pants, and he's, like, pulling, kind of likeâ¦
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And it's like, this was my life.
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But, uh, surprisingly, I felt relaxed.
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Um, or not relaxed.
6:05
I was doing okay.
6:07
So yeah, all these moving pieces.
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Um, but again, I felt pretty okay, but also, the other thing kind of going
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along in tandem in terms of wanting to get our homeschool consistent
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and whatnot was I followed some different people on YouTube, and they
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always talked about, not fellowship.
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It is fellowship.
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But, um, I listened to your most recent video where you talked about homeschool,
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so that's what I'm thinking of.
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But, like, connecting with your children, right?
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Having that connection connection, and that's what I really wanted,
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and that's why we dropped the Abeka individual video school and
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went Charlotte Mason and all this.
6:40
Um- And really at one point too, along the line, the Lord
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had shown me I'm a list person.
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Like, before having kids, I was a project manager at a software
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company, and I used to joke, "Oh, that was a perfect, like, intro to
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me because now I'm managing people."
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But the thing is, people aren't like, like clients and aren't like companies.
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And so I was good at managing to-do lists, but children aren't to-do lists.
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And that sounds really, like, harsh, but, like, in my mind, I was just kinda
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like, you know, this is what we do.
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So all this is kinda swirling around, like connection, and I felt like
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the Lord was showing me I needed to see people and not checklists.
7:16
Um, and somewhere along the line, I wasâ¦
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I listen to a lot of stuff on, um, YouTube.
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It's kinda like I just like to have something kinda going in the background
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while I'm doing, like, chores and stuff.
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And I remember I was, like, sitting in the laundry room, and I heard your-
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one of your clips where you talked about organizing your attitude, and
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you said, "Tell yourself a true story," and I was like, "Oh, my goodness."
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And it just, again, like, I remember where I was when I heard it, and it
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made me think so- about so many of the things in my life, like my marriage,
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my kids, everything that I was looking at from a negative, "Oh, my goodness,
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poor me, I'm so overwhelmed," da, da, da, da, da, and it completely,
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um, just reframed it all for me.
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And so I listened to a couple more episodes, and I started saving them
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because I was like, "Wow, these are really, like, convicting."
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And, um, I talked to my husband.
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I was like, "Remember that, like, homeschooling," not homeschooling,
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"like, homemaking group I was in?"
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I was like, "I think I might join it again," and, you know, I
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was like, "Okay, I'm just gonna take a stab at it," and I did.
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Um, and I joined in December, where we were talking aboutâ¦
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Not renew.
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Renew was my word of the year.
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Mm.
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What's the December- Ready
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Speaker 2: five?
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Speaker 3: Ready five, yes.
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And again, a lot of that is like, you know, look at the past year, um, you
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know, look at it as, like, a true story and, you know, how do you look at things?
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And that really, I was like, "I need to be doing this," and that's kinda where
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I picked the ball back up, so to speak.
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So- Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Uh, that's so great.
8:52
Well- Yeah â¦ but even though the first time, you still did do quite a
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bit, and you picked up- A little bit,
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Speaker 3: yeah
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â¦ Speaker 2: on the alignment card piece.
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Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I did.
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And I know you added- Oh, yes â¦ to it.
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Sorry.
9:03
So, yeah.
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Yes, exactly.
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Well, I did, but I didn't, 'cause I was likeâ¦
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It's funny because the, umâ¦
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We're nondenominational, but a lot of the teaching we listen to is always
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about, you know, what does the Word say?
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What does the Word say?
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And that's what I tell my kids.
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Like, well for instance, when my son, when they gave him the dyslexia diagnosis
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of severe to profound, and heâ¦
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I can't rem- can't remember what he said aboutâ¦
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You know, he was obviously like bummed out, and I was like, "Honey,"
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I was like, "you are not dyslexia.
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You are a child of God.
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You can do all things through Christ."
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So I'm doing this with my kids, but I wasn't really doing it with myself.
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Mm.
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Um, so I did though, to your point, briefly, and it is so sad and like
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faded looking, it's like a smudge, but um, this is my 2023 alignment card.
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Um, I did pick up on that the first time in Convivio, and because I think, umâ¦
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What's like the intro course, Homemaking 101?
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Speaker 2: Yep.
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Speaker 3: Think you briefly touch on it in there, 'cause I did
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Homemaking 101 and Speak and Smile.
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So I went on Etsy.
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Again, it was like gross here, and I was feeling super overwhelmed,
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and I really picked up on that.
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Like, I need something, I look at the back of my phone all the time, I need
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something to get my thoughts right.
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And I got, um, "God is within her, she will not fall."
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Mm.
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And, um, I just put it like inside the phone case, and
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it's been there ever since.
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And I was actually thinking of ordering a new one, 'cause again, it's like-
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you know, it's a smudge.
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It's sad.
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But I've still like looked at it ever since, and then I was going through kind
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of like another rough period not too long after that, and my husband told meâ¦
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Hmm, I can't remember which part of the verse, but I think it was the
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one about, um, maybe joyful and hope.
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So, and I'mâ¦
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But I do know a lot more verses than I'mâ¦
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This is horrible.
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I can't ever remember this one, maybe because it's on my phone, but it's like
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Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
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And I was able to squeeze that one on the back too.
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So yeah.
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So that's where I started, and so even though I left, um, and now I have a lot
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more alignment cards, that one has stayed.
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Mm.
11:04
It kinda remains, so.
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Speaker 2: I love that as a spot for an alignment card, you know,
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something that you ac- Yeah â¦ have with you everywhere you go.
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Yes, yes.
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So you can always flip it over and see it.
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Speaker 3: Yes, exactly.
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Exactly, yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Speaker 2: And so those were custom-made stickers, or you just found-
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Speaker 3: Yes â¦ a sticker with that on?
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No, I just, um, I think I lookedâ¦
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Oh, geez, it's been a while.
11:28
But I think the "God is within her, she will not fall," I used to
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think it was fail, but I believe it is fall, 'cause he's obviously
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talking about, um, Jerusalem.
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But I'm pretty sure that one I looked up the verse specifically and I found
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a sticker, and then same thing with the other one, I looked up the verse
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on Etsy, like you know, a sticker for this verse, and it came up, so.
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Speaker 2: Awesome.
11:45
Speaker 3: Yeah.
11:46
Yes.
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Speaker 2: And so then maybe you could explain how that works or how that helps
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to people who, where this is a new idea.
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Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely.
11:57
So, um, again, I do it with my kids a lot.
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Um, we'll go back to the example of my son with the dyslexia.
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You know, I think when somebodyâ¦
12:07
And this is where I've really struggled, um, and this is, you know, everybody
12:11
has their own path, and they have to, you know, be led to the Lord themselves.
12:14
But when, you know, we found out my kids were dealing with dyslexia, I was
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kind of like, like, no, this is not, like, a sentence on them, or this is
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not, um, we're not gonna, like, camp out here, if that makes sense, you know?
12:28
And so that whole idea that when you're faced with a challenge or we'll go
12:32
back to, like, um, when I rejoined Convefeel and started listening to all,
12:37
um, your Organize Your Attitude, uh, videos I would deal with an anxiety
12:41
or a worry, and it's like, okay, what does, what does the word say about this?
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You know, I feel this way, I'm afraid this might happen,
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but what does God have to say?
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Or, um, do you want me to go into telling myself a true story a little bit or
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stay in the- Yeah, that'd be great.
12:53
Yeah â¦ Yeah.
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So unless, let's pick on my husband.
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You know, my husband, he never thinks of me, and this is gonna sound
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silly, but this is, like, a recent thing 'cause it gets me every time.
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I've been getting my nails done recently.
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I have, like, really horrible, like, real nails.
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Like, they crumble, right?
13:08
They'reâ¦
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I'm a mom, like, they're gross.
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So I've been getting acrylic nails, so I'll be like, "Ugh,
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my husband doesn't ever care.
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He doesn't ever think about me."
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And I'll look down, I'll be like, "Mm, he sends me to get
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my nails done from time to time.
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Like, he wants me to do this for myself.
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Maybe he actually does care."
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But, you know, just that whole, um, wake-up call.
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And I think there's more than one way to go about it.
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Um, again, definitely, like, as Christians, you know, scripture is huge.
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And back to the example of my son, like, we can't go withâ¦
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We definitely can't go with our feelings.
13:39
You know, feelings can be reallyâ¦
13:41
I like Priscilla Shirer.
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Um, I've done a couple of her Bible studies.
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And I think in one of them she's like, "Feelings are stupid."
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And granted, good feelings, you know, love, joy, peace, you know,
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happiness, that's more of a feeling.
13:52
But yeah, feelings can be great, but they're usually not very smart.
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That was her point.
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Mm-hmm.
13:58
Like, they can lead you in a bad direction if you just take
14:01
your feelings and run with them.
14:02
So if somebody says, "Well, you know, you deal with dyslexia," um, you could
14:07
get really bummed out and say, "Well, I guess I'm working at McDonald's for
14:10
the rest of my life, and, you know, I guess this is the path I have," or you
14:14
can look at the word and says, and say, "I can do all things through Christ.
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And, you know, again, I'm a child of God.
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I'm not this diagnosis or I'm not this, like, you know, definition."
14:24
Um, you know, again, with things in the home, I know my pregnancy with my eighth,
14:28
I was super sick, and I was convinced she was gonna be really large and a
14:32
boy, and she was a she, and she was ve- like, smaller compared to my other kids.
14:36
But I was super sick.
14:38
Um, and you know, just that, like, debilitating nausea where you're like,
14:41
"Ugh, I can't even, like, function."
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And it's like, yes, I feel this way, but you know what?
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I can do all things through Christ.
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That was, like, my first trimester alignment card to myself.
14:50
Um, so yeah, those areâ¦
14:53
And again, you know, telling yourself a true story, just reallyâ¦
14:56
We were talking, I was talking to my kids about this recently too, and it's so
14:59
funny how I feel like the Lord uses what they're dealing with, and a lot of times
15:03
it's similar to what you're dealing with.
15:04
Yes.
15:04
And it's like he's showing you, like, "Hey."
15:07
Rachel Carman, by the way, the lady that does Apologia,
15:09
actually has a book on that.
15:11
I got it for free because, like, I ordered, I forget how much, science
15:15
curriculum, and it's called, I think it's called What Did I Say?
15:18
But it's actually a devotional, and she goes through that very thing.
15:21
Oh.
15:21
Like, the things that we're telling our kids that the Lord is actually telling us.
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So it's really good.
15:26
Um- But anyway, yeah, just the idea that, um, like for my kids, um, you
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know, "Man, I have all this schoolwork.
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I don't wanna do the schoolwork."
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And I'm like, "Honey, you know, schoolwork is a blessing.
15:37
Like, work is a blessing.
15:38
Like, your dad goes to work, and he works really hard, but he's able to
15:42
provide a house for us to live in, and, you know, we have food to eat,
15:45
and you're able to go and do things."
15:46
Or, so again, it's just stepping back from your feelings and not only aligning
15:51
them with truth and God's truth, but then also taking an objective look
15:55
at what your situation really is.
15:58
Because so many times, I think especially as stay-at-home moms,
16:01
you're just in your head all day.
16:02
Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
16:03
Speaker 3: Um, and it's really easy to believe lies that kind of
16:07
get, you know, tossed your way.
16:10
So- Yeah.
16:11
Yes.
16:12
Speaker 2: Yeah.
16:12
Oh, that's so great
16:14
Speaker 3: Yeah.
16:15
It'sâ¦
16:15
And especially add in you're tired or, you know, there's a lot
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of noise or, you know, whatever.
16:22
And, um, I love the story about, I think it was John andâ¦
16:26
Was it Charles Wesley?
16:27
His brother.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
16:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
16:28
Okay.
16:29
Yeah.
16:29
Their mother used to throw her apron over her head
16:32
Speaker 2: Yes.
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Speaker 3: And, yeah, and pray, and that is so good because that is so true.
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Like, as moms, we're busy.
16:38
There'sâ¦
16:38
And I have to watch myself, 'cause sometimes I can get snippy about
16:41
it, but I'll be like, "Guys, Mommy needs a minute just to think."
16:44
And literally, like, sometimes you need a minute to say, "Okay,
16:47
like, what is really going on here?
16:48
Like, I'm feeling overwhelmed, things feel loud, things feel this way and that,
16:52
but, you know, praise the Lord, I have children in my home that love me, and,
16:55
you know, what is the true situation?"
16:57
So I think we all need to do that, like, throwing our apron over our head moment,
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and whether it's pray or, you know, lean on a verse or just be objective
17:06
about our situation, it's so important.
17:08
It's crucial.
17:10
Speaker 2: Yeah.
17:10
Yeah.
17:11
Some trigger, like the alignment card can be a visual-
17:14
Mm-hmm â¦ thing to latch onto.
17:15
Yes Or that apron over your head as just a rem- like, "Okay, I am reframing."
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Speaker 3: Yes.
17:22
I jokeâ¦
17:23
I was reading a devotional, or, um, no, it wasn't a devotional.
17:28
Forget.
17:28
The lady that wrote, umâ¦
17:30
Oh, Charlotte Ma- not a Charlotte Mason companion.
17:32
Karen Glass.
17:33
I think it was Karen Glass.
17:34
No, another lady.
17:35
Bowden.
17:35
Leah Bowden.
17:36
I forget the name of the book.
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Anyways, it was a Charlotte Mason book.
17:39
But she was talking about her, like, mom sanctuary, and granted, like, she's an
17:42
older mother, like, her kids are grown, and so she's got a little more buffer.
17:45
She's talking about, like, her pretty chair with, like, the blanket and this
17:48
and that, and I'm really close with my niece, and I texted her one day,
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I was like, "My laundry room is my sanctuary," 'cause I literally haveâ¦
17:55
But I don't have the, um, washer and dryer on, like, the risers,
17:58
so they're, like, low, so I have a stool on the floor, and especially,
18:01
like, in pregnancy, I can, like, sit myself down and switch the laundry.
18:04
And sometimes I'llâ¦
18:05
It has a door, so, like, I'll just sit there and I'll shut the
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door, and then it's like- Yeah
18:09
I even sent her a picture one time, like, from, from my view.
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I was like, "This is my sanctuary moment," you know?
18:14
Yeah.
18:15
Maybe I should hang some alignment cards in my laundry room.
18:17
That wouldâ¦
18:17
I actually do.
18:18
Oh, my gosh.
18:19
Unintentionally, um, I had a bunch of, like, scripture-type, um, uh, magnets,
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and somehow one ended up in the laundry room, so I stuck it on the washer, and
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I can't remember what it is right now off the top of my head, but it isâ¦
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it's something encouraging, like, "The Lord is with you" or something, and
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every once in a while I'll be like, "Oh," you know, 'cause it's right there.
18:40
So, good alignment card place, though.
18:41
That would be a good alignment card place.
18:43
Speaker 2: That is.
18:43
Even just having a stool right there, I'm like, "Oh, that's smart."
18:46
Speaker 3: Yeah.
18:46
It's really nice.
18:47
You know, but then people take it, 'cause of course, you know, people alwaysâ¦
18:50
I'm, I'm 5'2", so, like, I'mâ¦
18:52
We have multiple stools in the house 'cause I need things, and my husband's
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6'5", so that's even more reason.
18:56
He puts things up high to, like, get out of the way of the kids,
18:59
and I'm like, "Do you realize now that I also can't access it?"
19:02
Um, but yeah, my kids take it sometimes, but no, it has to, it has to stay there.
19:06
I get it back.
19:08
Speaker 2: But thank you so much, Victoria- Yeah â¦ for coming and sharing
19:11
You're welcome This is very encouraging.
19:13
Speaker 3: Good.
19:13
Good.
19:13
I'm glad.
19:14
Yeah.
19:15
Great.
19:16
Whether you join for a month whether you join for a month, or a year, or
19:23
indefinitely, Convivial Circle is here to help you not establish checklist
19:30
systems to get it all done, but rather handle life without losing it.
19:37
Handle the life that God is sending you day by day with joy and clarity
19:45
and responsibility.
19:47
We'll help you tell a true story about your life and notice the small steps
19:52
of progress that you can make when you let go of your perfectionism and your
19:58
overwhelm, which we will help you do
20:01
If that sounds like the place you wanna be, we would love to have you.
20:05
You can go to convivialcircle.com
20:08
and enroll today
20:10
We have a bunch of extra stuff going on for organizing your
20:14
attitude inside Convivial Circle this month as our monthly topic.
20:18
And Victoria mentioned Ready Five, which we are going to start at theâ¦
20:25
Which we're gonna start right after Thanksgiving.
20:27
So now is a great time to join.
20:30
Head on over to convivialcircle.com
20:32
to learn more.
20:34
And no matter what, repent, rejoice, repeat