Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / Busy Without Rushing: Slow Living for Christian Women

Transcript

Busy Without Rushing: Slow Living for Christian Women · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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Speaker: All right.
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I'm just trying something new here.
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I have podcast episodes to record, and I thought, why not just do it as
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a YouTube Live instead of recording?
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Now, when I record podcast episodes, I do usually edit.
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My daughter edits my podcast for me, and she tells me that I have very awkward,
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weird pauses, and that is something I'm getting better at and overcoming.
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But one way that I over- need to overcome it is by just doing it and putting
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things out there and not editing.
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So thank you so much for joining me today.
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Today, we're gonna talk about slow living, um, and what we really want when we're
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attracted to the slow living message.
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It's a thing out there, right?
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There are YouTube videos, there are books, there are blog posts, there are
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probably whole Instagram accounts, I don't even know, on slow living, and
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they're appealing and they're attractive.
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Maybe because it feels impossible for us.
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Um, but we don'tâ¦
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We need to know what's underneath that root of feeling attracted
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to the slow living message.
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Why does that feel so appealing and attractive to us?
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Are we too busy?
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Are we doing too many things?
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Or are we actually just frazzled by not very many things?
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Like, it can actually be both at the same time.
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We can be frazzled and frayed and feel like our capacity is just at the limit.
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We can't do anything more.
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We're too busy, while we're actually hardly doing anything at all.
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And that's especially easy today because our perspective and our sense
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of reality is so easily distorted.
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Um, this came home to me a, a couple, I guess it was a couple months ago now.
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I was talking to my daughter, uh, my 18-year-old daughter, who edits
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my podcasts for me, and I was kind of giving her carte blanche.
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I'm like, "If you want to try out editing techniques or whatever on
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my YouTube videos, like, I'm game.
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Like, if you can make me look better or seem better, like, try it.
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You can, you can do that."
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And so she started looking and watching, uh, YouTube videos on homemaking to
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kinda see what other people were doing, and she, uh, was just cracking up.
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We got together for coffee, and she was showing me some of the videos
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that she watched and just laughing, imagining me trying to do them.
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It was a little bit humbling, but that's what teenage daughters are for.
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So, uh, you know, I'm sure you've probably seen these videos, pr- probably
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reels on Instagram, YouTube videos, where there's soft music playing in the
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background and you're watching someone sweep You're watching the lady hand-knead
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her bread, and it takes so long.
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But she's doing it calmly, and she's maybe talking in a very soothing
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manner, and there's soothing music.
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It's all very soothing.
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Uh, one of the videos that my daughter showed me, um,
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the lady was making her bed.
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And so it's like three or four minutes of every layer of making
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the bed, and everything, of course, is beautiful and soft and beige.
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And then my daughter's like, "Wait for it.
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Wait for it."
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She puts the throw thing on, and her cat jumps up, and my daughter's like,
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"Look, her cat matches her bed."
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Like, her cat is part of her aesthetic choice.
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And we were laughing because that is just not our house and not our home.
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Uh, thatâ¦
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Well, I mean, there wouldn't be a cat jumping on the bed, for sure.
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But, um, yeah, achieving an aesthetic is not, um, something I'm capable
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of doing, even if I wanted to do.
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Um, and so my daughter was basically telling me, like,
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um, I, I can't be a YouTuber.
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This is what YouTubers â¦ I'm like, "Well, I'm just gonna put
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up words anywhere, and people can take it or leave it."
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Um, but one thingâ¦
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She, she made this comment as we were watching these videos of ladies just
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very slowly and deliberately doing, you know, very mundane things very
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slowly Um, in a very aesthetically.
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She said, "This is how I imagine setting up my home.
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This is, like, what I want.
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I know that it's not gonna happen.
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I know that that's not what life is gonna be like or what my home is
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going to be like, but this is what I imagine it could be like, and,
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and I would like it to be that way.
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And so since I can't have it, it's kind of fun to watch the YouTube
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video of someone else doing it."
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And I thought that was just so insightful.
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And that is why it's appealing.
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And the real trick, I mean, the real problem, what's actually happening
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when we're watching those videos, wherever they pop up in our feeds,
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when we watch those videos of the just absolutely beautiful home, nothing
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out of place, everything matches
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you know, if the children end up interrupting, it's cute and they're
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wearing linen It's not only setting us up for false expectations of
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what our goals ought to be, it is also Taking our time, right?
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I mean, obviously, we'reâ¦
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But when we watch someone else do work, and we are just sitting watching
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them, we actually get a little-- we feel like we've done something.
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We get a little bit of payoff.
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We're imagining ourselves living their life while we're watching
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them, when we're actually doing nothing at all in our real life.
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And then, you know, we put the phone down, shut the laptop, look
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around, and now our home feels and looks worse than it really is.
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Because we're comparing not only to the aesthetic, but also to the feel.
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That feeling that we got while we watched her do her work is not at all like
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actually sweeping or washing the dishes.
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And so then we're less satisfied with our own lives and our own work.
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And so th-that kind of slow-living message that's very attractive, um, very appealing
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to us, ends up taking us out of the game.
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It's the wrong kind of slow
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So we're slow or those videos are slow to be soothing because
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we feel like we need soothing.
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We need comfort.
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We are looking to feel more calm.
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And so we're getting it from these slow living messages.
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And, you know, the answer usually for, for those kinds of messages
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are like, do less, just cut back.
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Um
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Don't leave your house, or, you know, well, you should
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just hand-knead your dough.
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And if youâ¦
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Like, sometimes that's totally fine, but that's not the kind of
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message that we see in scripture.
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We see abound in good works.
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We see be zealous for good works.
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These are, like, energy-type words, not calm words
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But that calmness is hitting us in a particular way because our souls
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and our minds and our attention is so scattered and so, um, frayed
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and we feel like we're frenzy.
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And so it sounds like the right answer
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And so then busy becomes the enemy or, and busy is equated with, you know,
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hurry becomes an associated bad word.
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Um, and there is a sense where you don't want to be so rushed that you
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are not only stressed yourself, but stressing out everyone around you.
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But the way to achieve that kind of not hurried approach to life doesn't mean
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that you can't, you can do the bare minimum, cut back to the bare minimum.
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Um You can be busy and do a lot of things without being stressed.
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And cutting back all your responsibilities is not the answer to removing stress.
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That's the easy answer.
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It sounds like it's workable, but that message is taking us out of the game.
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That temptation is taking us out of the game.
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It's the wrong kind of slow.
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We're imitating a fake version.
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S- so, you know, it's just a video.
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It's, uh, put together with the calming music.
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Maybe you should try playing calming music.
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You could try that m- that much, even if the h- everything
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in the house isn't beige.
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Um, and You're also getting that payoff for doing work by watching other people
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work and not going and doing things.
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But getting up even for 10 minutes and making progress on your dishes
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or just putting things away for 10 minutes builds energy and momentum,
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and then we feel more capable, and we start to get that energy flowing.
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And then we don't need, uh, the coping mechanism of, um, just watching
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videos of other people working because we're guilty that we aren't working,
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and that's al- often what it is.
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And so we can do a lot of things.
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We can get our work done at home.
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We can make meals for people and take them.
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We can have our kids in activities and drive them around town.
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We can homeschool multiple grades at the same time.
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We can have a lot on our plate and be actually busy.
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We can abound in good works and be zealous for those good works.
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We can get after it
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Without being stressed out.
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And often when we're stressed out, we're probably not as busy as we think we are.
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So how do we do that?
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We need to do what we're doing.
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We need to know what our responsibilities are.
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We need to be prayerfully seeking what we should be doing and how we
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should be spending our time, and being aware of how we're spending our time.
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And not only how we're spending our time in our work, but also how we're
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spending our time in our thoughts, right?
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What are we paying attention to, and who are we paying attention to?
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That will make a difference in your interpretation of your real life.
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That's what's going on in your life, and how you are judging your
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opportunities and your, uh, approach.
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Uh, your expectations will be set by who you are listening to.
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And if you are parenting, teaching, doing housework, running errands, planning
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all the things, making the food, and you're doing those things while your
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brain is fretting Where you're worried, you're comparing, you're anxious, you
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are holding a million things in your head while also listening to someone else
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talk kind of and doing this other thing, that's where we get to that frayed mental
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state where we check out and need toâ¦
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and feel attracted to lies about life and ourselves and what we need, where the, the
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calming effect, um, feels like the answer.
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Because in our hearts and our heads, we are all over the place,
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not aware, not integrated, not attentive to what really matters.
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So, uh, when we have our minds in a million places and someone's talking
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to us, then suddenly, like we've all, all felt that way, of like that's
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the straw that breaks the camel's back, and now we just fall to pieces.
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Something happens and we fall to pieces because we were in too many places in our
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own heads and some of those places were lies Um, we're trying to hold information
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in our heads instead of having it written down and just doing what's in front of us.
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We are full of guilt for not doing what we need to be doing, and so
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we're, and we're trying to ignore the guilt, and it comes and attacks
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us in, in different and weird ways.
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So these things wear us down and take us out of the game.
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We can do a lot of good works in our home.
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We can be busy.
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We can get our work done.
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I mean, it's not gonna ever be done.
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We can do our work and be satisfied in what we are doing, even if it's never
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finished, 'cause there's going to be another load of laundry, another meal.
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These are good things.
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That's not frustrating.
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We can learn to love what must be done And we can abound in good works and be
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zealous for good works without succumbing to stress and hurry and rushing when we
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are engaged in the work and in where we are, when we are certain of our calling
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and we're not second-guessing ourself, and we aren't comparing ourself, when we are
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attentive to what we're doing and where we're, where we are from thing to thing.
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You know, I, I actually didn't count.
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I don't know how many things I have on my calendar for today, but it is quite a few.
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But I'm not thinking about what's next.
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I'm here where I'm at.
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Um, when this is over or if a kid comes in and talks to me or whatever, like, the
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laptop goes down or the phone goes down and I'm paying attention to the person
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talking to me, and I'm where I'm at.
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And then the next thing comes, and that's why I have calendar reminders
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and alarms and things to pull me to the next thing at the right time.
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Because when we're engaged in what we're doing and when we're paying attention
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to the person talking to us and not somewhere else in our heads, then it's
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possible to be calm and attentive and, and that's not a stressful way to live.
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See?
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There's a, there's a little beep right there.
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I've got 10 minutes to the next thing.
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And we could just-- we can do that.
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It's only stressful when we are worried about something or guilty about something.
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And so we need to get to the root of the guilt or the worry and deal
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with that before God and with our husband's help to figure things out
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It's underlying guilt and worry that takes us out of the game, makes us
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think that cutting things is the only solution, and that ends up making those
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videos of an unrealistic, unattainable life feel soothing and calming.
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It's a coping mechanism.
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It's anoth- and it's taking us out of the game 'cause then we're
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getting that payoff of housework without actually doing our own.
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Now, I have heard some people turn one of those on, and then they're
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h- doing their housework with that.
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Like That's fine if it's like background music.
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But if you're sitting on the couch watching someone else
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sweep instead of sweeping Like, maybe you shouldn't do that.
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That's not helping you because I bet that's not helping you love your
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broom and floors more, actually.
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It's you're imagining yourself living that life instead of being
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engaged in the life that you've been given and the life that you have.
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So watch out for comparison, for stress, for feeling scattered and drawn in
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a million directions because you're letting a million different people
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talk into your life and pull- and tell you you should be like this or like
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that or cut everything or, you know.
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Brain dump, write things down, get things out of your head, talk to
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your husband about them, pray about them, and then make a daily card.
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Do 15 minutes, do 10 minutes.
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Get up and do something.
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Pay attention to your own life, and know that God is with you and
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equips you to help you do what you are called to do without stress,
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without worry, without guilt.
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That's possible, and that's why we need to repent, rejoice, repeat.
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If we notice guilt, if we notice laziness, we don't excuse it or deny it.
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We confess it, and we get forgiveness, and we move on and do the next thing.
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We then can rejoice in obedience and be grateful for the work in front of
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us because it's given to us by God.
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That's how we learn to love it.
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And then that is just the repetition of life.
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All right.
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Thank you so much for joining me live.
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We'll see, I might try this a few more times, just kind of experimenting with
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what's possible and how it all works.
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So, um, l- yes, I appreciate this, and we'll â¦ I can't promise
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I'll do it again, but we'll see.
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Thank you, everyone.