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Sober Talk SA - Jhai · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic.
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  Soap to dear thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
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  call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
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  I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
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  with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
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  help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
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  drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
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  We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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  He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics,
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  organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
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  controversy, neither endorses or oppose any causes.
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  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help.
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  Other Alcoholics are chiefs of Brady.
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  Thank you to my Home group for having me.
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  I'm John. I'm alcoholic formalities.
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  This is my Home group. I am a I'm a relatively new
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  member but it's definitely been a massive shift for my recovery
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  being here. I have a sponsor, I've worked
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  through the steps and I try and apply them to my life to the
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  best of my ability. And I have a sobriety date which
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  is the 24th of the 7th 2022. I turned 3 last week.
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  I had a really lengthy phone call with my grand sponsor on
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  Monday afternoon after my sponsor had been suggesting for
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  two weeks that I call my grand sponsor.
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  And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get around to it.
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  Two weeks later, I finally took the suggestion, and it changed
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  my perspective entirely. But he noted that, you know, the
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  statistics for turning 3 are so low, not many people make it to
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  this point. And, you know, getting here is
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  definitely felt like that. That first 12 months of sobriety
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  felt like I was fighting for my life every single day.
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  And then I got there and it felt like the longest year of my
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  life. And then I got to 2 and I
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  thought that I knew everything in the world and that I was
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  cured. And now I've just hit three and
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  I realized that I know absolutely nothing.
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  And that's such a humbling, wonderful place to be.
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  I've learnt so much in three years, but three years is really
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  no time at all. And it was also reminded, you
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  know, I'm, I'm not a baby anymore and I'm a toddler now.
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  And so all of the emotions that I've experienced in the last
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  couple of weeks when everything did not go as I had planned are
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  also on point for a three-year old because I haven't really got
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  a handle on the emotion thing yet.
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  But I'm working on it. You know, it's progress, not
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  perfection. I, I was supposed to go away in
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  the like 2 1/2 weeks ago. I go back to work tomorrow, but
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  I got really sick and God had other plans for me.
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  Even though it was a God-given holiday, God took it away really
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  quickly as well. And at the time I was really
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  disappointed about it. But this afternoon I got a book
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  back that I lent to somebody because since being in recovery,
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  I've, I read a lot of poetry about God.
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  I love other people's conceptions of God and the way
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  that they talk about their God and what that means to them.
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  But somebody gave me back one of my favorite books and I was
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  flicking through it in the car and this little thing popped up.
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  But I just, it's not a literature, but it's funny.
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  One second, please. I was sitting in the car and I
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  opened it and it said a great pilgrimage.
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  I felt in need of a great pilgrimage.
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  So I sat still for three days and God came to me.
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  I was going to go and chase angels in caves and, you know,
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  in holy places. And actually at the end of 2 1/2
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  weeks, I've had a massive shift inside.
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  And I, I can't really put any words to that.
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  But my sponsor kept saying on the other side of this, all of
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  this stuff that's happening, like you will be different and
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  you will be changed. And two weeks ago, I couldn't
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  see it. You know, I was so in my jar and
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  I was so pickled and I just couldn't.
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  Everything felt wrong and nothing felt right and nothing
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  was going to plan. And now 2 1/2 weeks later,
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  everything is settled and, and I'm not sick anymore and, and I
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  can finally sort of see the forest for the trees, you know,
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  and I really, I don't know what the shift is, but I feel so much
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  softer. I've had like several really big
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  surrenders in the last few weeks.
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  And I thought that like, you know, I had a really good
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  understanding of my God and my faith and all of that.
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  But actually like the more pain that I've been in the last few
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  weeks has just like pushed me closer and closer to my, to my
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  God, whatever that is. And yeah, I didn't have any of
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  that before recovery. Before recovery, I just like, I
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  couldn't stop drinking and all I wanted to do was die.
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  I didn't know how to live. I didn't know how to live with
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  it. I didn't know how to live
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  without it, especially in the end, you know, three years ago I
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  was still in the hospital waiting to be transferred to
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  Adelaide Clinic after a serious suicide attempt.
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  It was my second coma of 2022. And the doctors said like that
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  it was medically unexplainable how I was alive.
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  But, you know, it's definitely a good job.
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  And when I look back at my life now, throughout all of my
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  drinking and the way that I lived, I know that there was so
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  many of them. You know, there are people in
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  this room that have dragged me out of gutters and thrown me
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  into hospitals when I've needed it and stuff.
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  And I just don't live like that today.
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  You know, that was only three years ago.
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  And today I have like, at 2 years sober, I opened my own
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  business, which was also just a gift from God.
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  And at the moment, it's the only thing that hasn't really been
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  stripped back. And I know that that's because
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  it is a gift and that God will show me how to make it work for
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  me. You know, like everything that
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  the business has given me has been nothing to do with the
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  things that you would think. Like I thought I would open a
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  shop and, and learn how to run a business.
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  And that happened really quickly.
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  But actually what God is teaching me in there is like how
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  to have boundaries and how to look after myself.
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  And it had like God's given me this space where I can love and
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  nurture people the way that I know that I can.
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  And I could never do that before recovery.
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  I was so selfish, you know, I just, I think like I've always
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  probably been a love bug but never really knew how to tap
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  into that because I just like didn't understand the world and
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  it felt so excruciating and I didn't know how to be here.
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  I didn't know how to be anywhere.
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  I just like, I don't know. I hear people talk about their
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  drinking and they say they drank so that they could connect, but
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  I drank so that I could disconnect because I always felt
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  too in touch with everything, you know, but like another gift
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  of my recoveries in my recovery, I, you know, I started
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  defrosting and I started getting to know myself a little bit
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  more. And, and I did get an autism
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  assessment done last year and I've got a big tick of approval
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  for that. So like, I'm definitely like,
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  I'm an autistic alcoholic person trying to learn how to be in the
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  world now. But the more that I know about
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  myself, the more like it just keeps unfolding, you know?
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  But yeah, gift from God was definitely my shop.
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  And it hasn't been taken away yet, but lots of things have
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  been stripped back in the last few weeks.
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  You know, I was supposed to go on holiday, but I had to say
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  goodbye to my to one of my favoritest little pals in the
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  whole world. I just spent 15 years with this
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  weird, raggedy old little cat and I had to hold her and, and
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  be, you know, show her how to go to the other side.
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  And like, if that's not a spiritual experience, I don't
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  know what is. So like, there's been so much
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  pain and so much laughter and, and so much crying all in 2 1/2
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  weeks. And I've definitely fallen out
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  of it, like a different person on the other side.
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  But that was promised to me. You know, I've been thinking
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  about Arthur a lot actually in the last few weeks.
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  When you say that, you know, if you don't have any problems,
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  then God's forgotten about you. So I've felt really blessed in
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  the last few weeks by all of my problems.
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  So, you know, it's like everything that gets said in
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  these rooms ripples into it, into all of us, right?
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  Like, we leave different after every meeting.
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  And sometimes that's for the better and sometimes it can be
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  for the worse. And there's nothing worse than
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  when you're in a really bad way and like, you know, recovery or
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  like a meeting doesn't hit or like you're just not hearing
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  what you need to. But it's in those moments that
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  you like really have to turn inward and go to that thing that
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  is bigger than you because like, no human power can relieve me of
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  my alcoholism. I definitely have noted my
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  powerlessness over the last few weeks, especially, you know,
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  like it's so obvious when I, when you first get in and like
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  step one, we admit we were powerless over alcohol that our
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  lives have become unmanageable. And like, I am 100% powerless
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  over alcohol and I'm powerless over lots of things.
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  But you know, having that real surrender, like how powerless I
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  am over life this week or this last few weeks has been really
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  gut punching. But yeah, I don't know.
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  I just, I had a big cry. I have done nothing but cry.
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  But I had a big cry yesterday. I sort of somebody sent me
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  something and it just says something along the lines of
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  like, I have things today that I used to pray for and that is so
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  true. You know, all I've done is sort
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  of focus on like all the stuff that I don't that has been like
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  taken away or whatever and been real pity party about it, even
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  though it sucks. But like I, I, when you bring it
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  back to like the real basics, like today, I'm a sober person
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  and I get to walk through the world with my head up high and
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  I'm accountable. I can rock up, I can show up,
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  come to my Home group. I put out chairs.
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  You know, like Once Upon a time who I was would like never have
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  cared about anything like that. And now it's like 1 of the
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  lights of my life to sit out there and take everybody's names
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  and give you all a hug and ask how you are.
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  And you know, like things have happened to me since coming to
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  these rooms. The person that finally 12 step
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  me sits next to me tonight as well.
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  And like my family had tried so long because I come from a
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  really long line of like crazy Alcoholics, but just couldn't
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  hear it until I was ready. But that last little, that last
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  little bit, that last drink, just absolutely over the edge.
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  You know, it was like gates of insanity or death.
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  And I was at Bose, but I wouldn't die.
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  And so I finally could hear it, the message, you know, that
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  there was a solution for me. There was a solution for my
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  living problem. I don't keep coming back here
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  because I have a drinking problem.
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  I keep coming back because I have a thinking problem.
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  I keep coming back because I have a living problem and I need
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  a solution for how to be in the world.
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  And it's in the steps, it's in the traditions and the promises
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  have come true in my life. Like I have proof of God in me,
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  in my life, in the people near me.
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  Like the ripple effect of my recovery into like into the
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  rooms and then outside of the rooms is, is so huge and it's so
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  beautiful. But like you sort of miss it.
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  You know, you get so wrapped up in, in life and in living this
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  really good life that you sort of forget what it was like.
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  But I went to my first Home group before I was here tonight
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  just because it didn't feel right not celebrating with them.
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  And there was there was a newcomer there and I'd answered
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  his call and, you know, I'd said to him on the phone, I'll meet
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  you. Like this was months ago and I
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  didn't even remember it. But he he said that he told the
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  story tonight and he said that I'd use the word magic.
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  You know, you have to come in. I'll meet you out the front.
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  Magic happens in here. And that's exactly what happens,
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  you know, in like 4 1/2 months later.
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  He was sitting in that meeting this afternoon, still sober.
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  And like you, you just forget about the phone calls and you
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  forget about the people whose hands that you shake because,
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  yeah, you just get wrapped up in it all.
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  But like, there's nothing short of a miracle what happens in
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  here. Even when you don't think that
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  it's working, it's still working.
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  Like I'm blessed to live this free life today because I kept
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  coming back and I did the suggested things.
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  Even though at three years sober, I still wait two weeks to
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  do the suggested things. And of course, they always work
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  because I'm alcoholic and I will be every single day.
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  But thankfully, today I have a daily reprieve.
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  You know, I know what's wrong with me.
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  And I know I know what will help.
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  And generally what will help is helping other Alcoholics.
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  I have a primary purpose. And all I looked for all my life
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  was a purpose. What's the point?
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  What's the point? What's the point?
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  There can be no God. It doesn't make any sense.
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  And within three years, like, well, I think all I talk about
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  really, or all I really want to talk about is God.
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  And like, I do have a purpose today.
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  It's it's wild. I do like, I have a pretty
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  strict morning routine, although it's been pretty LAX the last
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  few weeks, but I would definitely like I wake up and
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  the first thing that I say is God.
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  And then I do my morning prayer. I do a lot of reading, many
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  readings in the mornings and I do my morning meditation and I
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  get about my day and at night time, I thank God for another
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  safe and sober day. And I do my night meditation
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  and, you know, it's all of that stuff that keeps me running
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  well. I do a minimum of three meetings
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  a week and that's a good maintenance amount.
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  I just like this has to be the base of my life for everything
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  else to work. And I know when I've stayed away
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  for too long that like everything starts falling apart.
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  I'm really grateful to be here and really grateful to the group
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  for having me share. And I'm so grateful that I
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  haven't got in my life today because like, it is not of me to
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  have stayed sober in the last few weeks.
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  At the beginning of the year, I, I really got very honest and,
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  and I used the steps to give up cigarettes.
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  But on Fri, on Sunday night, I had AI don't care moment and I,
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  I bought a pack of the cigarettes.
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  I lit 1 and I couldn't even finish it because, you know,
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  like that's something that I prayed for, right?
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  And God has taken away from me and now the obsession is removed
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  and like, it no longer serves me.
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  I have to find the other things. And that's like just pushes me
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  more closer, closer, closer into the sunlight of the Spirit and
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  closer to God. And yeah, I really hope that I
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  get to do this thing for the rest of my life, but it's just
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  for today, 1 foot in front of the other.
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  And like, I really have to remember to keep it simple.
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  So thank you so much for asking me to share.
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  A A has more than two million recovering Alcoholics throughout
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  the world. In Australia there are about
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  18,000 members. They're made in over 2000 local
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  meetings spread around the country.
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  Meetings range in size from a handful in some areas to
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  hundreds or more in larger communities.
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  And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
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  issues, please call Alcoholics Announcing 1300 Double 00000 or
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  visit their website on aa.org dot AU.