Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #83| Why Mindset Management Matters More Than Time Management for Productivity
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: You might think that your overwhelm is coming from having too much on your plate.
- 0:04Michelle Gauthier: But what if I told you it's not about how much you're doing, but what you're thinking that's causing the problem.
- 0:11Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:23Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, ichelle Gothier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
- 0:28Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Hey friend, thank you for joining today.
- 0:43Michelle Gauthier: In this episode, we're going to dive into why overwhelm isn't just about doing too much.
- 0:48Michelle Gauthier: We'll explore how it's related to your mindset, your beliefs, the way that you're thinking, even more so than your workload.
- 0:56Michelle Gauthier: I'll give you an exact explanation of what I'm talking about, and in this episode, you'll learn how overwhelm is often the result of your thoughts, not the number of tasks, the hidden triggers, like fear or perfectionism, that are making your overwhelm feel even worse, and how shifting your mindset can instantly reduce that overwhelming feeling, even without cutting down your to-do list.
- 1:19Michelle Gauthier: These are some of my favorite things to talk about, and this is a lot of what we focus on in group coaching.
- 1:24Michelle Gauthier: It's not just learning the skills to do less and manage your time better, but it's about what's underneath, what's causing that overwhelm, what are the thoughts and the beliefs that you have to break through before you can start changing and making your to-do list shorter, so that's a lot of what we're going to talk about today and that's a lot of what we do in group coaching.
- 1:48Michelle Gauthier: If you're interested in joining group coaching, the time is now.
- 1:52Michelle Gauthier: Click on the link in the show notes and you will be able to set up a 15-minute quick conversation with me to see if group coaching is a good fit for you.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: Okay, let's jump into the details of today's episode.
- 2:06Michelle Gauthier: So something that I work with my one-on-one clients with and my group coaching clients with is just making sure that they aren't scheduling more than they actually have time for.
- 2:17Michelle Gauthier: So there's the time management aspect of making sure that you're not overwhelmed.
- 2:22Michelle Gauthier: For example, if you have 40 hours a week to work and you have 78 hours of things to do, it doesn't matter how good your mindset is, it's just not going to happen, right?
- 2:33Michelle Gauthier: So there's the time management piece of it.
- 2:35Michelle Gauthier: I've got many podcast episodes on that, starting with number 51 is a great one.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: So if that's the part of feeling overwhelmed that you're ready to work on, go there.
- 2:46Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to focus on what is beneath not being able to get everything done and feeling overwhelmed, and that is the mindset.
- 2:56Michelle Gauthier: Being overwhelmed and stressed is sort of multifaceted.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: It's caused by lots of things: having too much on your list, being pulled in too many directions, etc.
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: All those things can play into feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
- 3:10Michelle Gauthier: But what really really is the start of solving it is getting to what is underneath that.
- 3:17Michelle Gauthier: What kind of mindset - and by mindset I mean thoughts and beliefs - do you have about what you have to do, about your to-do list, that are causing you to feel overwhelmed?
- 3:29Michelle Gauthier: Let me give you a couple examples so you can see what I'm talking about.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: So let's imagine a to-do list that has 10 things on it.
- 3:36Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so this to-do list has 10 things on it, and let's imagine five different people and they each have 10 things on their to-do list.
- 3:45Michelle Gauthier: Let's imagine that they're the same thing, just for the sake of this example, and each one of them has the same to-do list, but they all have different thoughts about the to-do list.
- 3:56Michelle Gauthier: So let's say person number one has a thought of, I'll never get everything done on this list, so why even try?
- 4:03Michelle Gauthier: Person number two will say, if I don't finish everything perfectly, I've failed.
- 4:09Michelle Gauthier: And every one of these things is gonna take you forever to do if you're holding yourself to that standard of perfection.
- 4:15Michelle Gauthier: Person number three thinks, everyone else seems to be able to get these things done.
- 4:19Michelle Gauthier: What is wrong with me?
- 4:20Michelle Gauthier: Why can't I get this done?
- 4:22Michelle Gauthier: Person number four thinks, if I don't finish this all today, everything's going to fall apart, the world's going to end.
- 4:28Michelle Gauthier: And person number five thinks, oh yeah, I've planned my week.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: This looks doable.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: I know exactly when I'm going to work on all this stuff.
- 4:36Michelle Gauthier: Let's get to work.
- 4:36Michelle Gauthier: Okay, s o again, that's five different people, five different thoughts, thinking about the exact same 10 item to-do list.
- 4:46Michelle Gauthier: You can imagine that the person who's thinking, I'll never get everything done, so why even try - let's just walk through what that is going to create.
- 4:55Michelle Gauthier: So you know by now that your thoughts are creating the way that you're feeling.
- 4:59Michelle Gauthier: So if you think a thought like, I'll never get this done, why even try or why even get started?
- 5:05Michelle Gauthier: Think about the feeling that that's going to create for you and your body.
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: It's probably going to be something like stress, or overwhelm, or anxiety or dread, one of those kinds of feelings.
- 5:15Michelle Gauthier: And when you are in overwhelm, stress, anxiety, or dread, what kind of actions are you going to be able to take from there?
- 5:23Michelle Gauthier: I know for sure for me, when I'm in overwhelm, I'm not taking any actions that are going to be useful at all.
- 5:29Michelle Gauthier: I can't think clearly, I can't come up with good ideas, it's very hard for me to execute on things, and then the result that I'll get is not finishing even one of those 10 tasks and then feeling frustrated about that, which will bring me back to my original thought of I'll never get done, so why even try?
- 5:46Michelle Gauthier: Which will again put me through that loop.
- 5:48Michelle Gauthier: And then you just get caught in this thought loop of not being able to even get started.
- 5:53Michelle Gauthier: The same thing would be true for the thought that's like if I don't finish everything perfectly, I've failed, or the one that has a lot to do with comparison, everyone else seems to manage just fine, what's wrong with me?
- 6:04Michelle Gauthier: So that one would also make me feel stressed or overwhelmed, and what that would make me do from there is really spend a lot of time looking at what other people are doing and shaming myself, because I can't keep up with Mrs Jones, who's sitting next to me, who's getting everything done.
- 6:20Michelle Gauthier: So I'm using this as an example, although those are thoughts that I hear all the time with my one-on-one clients and my group coaching clients, so they are real thoughts that people have all the time.
- 6:32Michelle Gauthier: But when you have thoughts like those, it creates a feeling that's less than ideal, and the action that you take is also less than ideal, if there's any action that's being taken and then the result you get is you still have 10 things on your to-do list and you feel like crap.
- 6:47Michelle Gauthier: So if we look at the very last example that I gave, which is yep, I've got 10 things on my list, I've scheduled it out for my week, I know when I'm going to work on each one.
- 6:57Michelle Gauthier: Let's get started.
- 7:02Michelle Gauthier: When I even say that out loud, even just pretending, for this podcast, it gives me a totally different feeling in my body.
- 7:05Michelle Gauthier: It makes me feel like whatever I need to do is possible.
- 7:07Michelle Gauthier: I feel optimistic, I feel organized, I feel confident.
- 7:11Michelle Gauthier: And when I feel like that, what am I going to do?
- 7:13Michelle Gauthier: I'm going to get to work on whatever I've prioritized as number one.
- 7:17Michelle Gauthier: So, even though there's this 10-item to-do list that we're imagining, the to-do list is neutral.
- 7:23Michelle Gauthier: It can mean anything.
- 7:25Michelle Gauthier: What really gives it power is the way that you're thinking about it.
- 7:30Michelle Gauthier: Another thing that can happen, and it's really even deeper than those thoughts that we're having, are hidden triggers or beliefs that we have that are creating thoughts like the ones that I just gave the example of.
- 7:43Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, maybe you have a real fear of making mistakes.
- 7:47Michelle Gauthier: I do not like to make mistakes.
- 7:49Michelle Gauthier: I don't think anybody enjoys it, but I feel like some people are really good about just, yeah, I screwed that up, I'm just gonna move on.
- 7:55Michelle Gauthier: I had to really work on being able to say, I made a mistake, I'm just a human, now I'm moving on with my day.
- 8:04Michelle Gauthier: It sounds so simple when I say it, but it literally took me a while to be able to get over that and I still, when I make a mistake, I still feel like a sense of shame, and then I have to change my thought and work my way out of that.
- 8:16Michelle Gauthier: So if I'm going into my week and going into my to-do list with that, I cannot make a mistake, and if I do, that means that I am not enough thought, I'm, of course, going to generate all kinds of thoughts and put myself into overwhelm.
- 8:31Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes
- 8:31Michelle Gauthier: the problem is that we put so much pressure on ourselves to have these totally unrealistic expectations.
- 8:39Michelle Gauthier: Nobody's even telling us that we have to do that.
- 8:42Michelle Gauthier: We're putting it on ourselves.
- 8:43Michelle Gauthier: I always say we're our own meanest boss, right?
- 8:45Michelle Gauthier: We have such high expectations of ourselves.
- 8:47Michelle Gauthier: I just recently had a client text me on a Sunday and she was doing her weekly planning, which is something that I talk to all my clients about and I've got podcast episode 51 on that, if you want to check that out as well.
- 8:59Michelle Gauthier: She was doing her planning and I encouraged her to write down every single thing that was on her list - what her kids had to do, what her work schedule was like, when her husband was going to be traveling, everything on there and what she realized when she looked at it was, there's just absolutely no way that I could get all of this done, and I have been doing this for years, putting these unrealistic expectations on herself and then quote unquote failing every week when she didn't get it all done.
- 9:27Michelle Gauthier: So when you have those unrealistic expectations, and you may not even realize you have them, you might be just realizing it as I'm describing this, then you're going to set yourself up for overwhelm as well.
- 9:39Michelle Gauthier: The last thing that I see that is sort of a behavior or an old pattern that will create a lot of overwhelm regarding the to-do list, is the desire to control everything and get it right.
- 9:52Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, if you have a team at work and you could assign something to someone, but instead you keep it on your own to-do list because you want to be sure you're the one to do it, because - this is a thought I hear all the time - if I don't do it, nobody's going to do it, or if I don't do it, it won't be done right.
- 10:09Michelle Gauthier: If you're thinking those kinds of things, then all you're doing is adding more pressure to yourself and more things on your to-do list.
- 10:17Michelle Gauthier: So just think about those three things that I just said, that fear of failure of.
- 10:21Michelle Gauthier: So just think about those three things that I just said, that fear of failure, of making mistakes, the pressure to meet totally unrealistic expectations, most likely that you've put on yourself, or the desire to be in charge of or in control of everything.
- 10:31Michelle Gauthier: Boy, I am guilty of all three of these and have really worked hard to do all of these much less.
- 10:37Michelle Gauthier: So, if you are shaking your head yes to any of those, that could definitely be contributing to your overwhelm.
- 10:45Michelle Gauthier: So what do we do about this?
- 10:47Michelle Gauthier: Now you might be thinking, oh yeah, I do think that thought.
- 10:50Michelle Gauthier: Or, yes, I do believe that I have to do everything, perfectly.
- 10:53Michelle Gauthier: Gr eat, now what am I supposed to do about it?
- 10:55Michelle Gauthier: So the first thing that you want to do is realize that that problem exists.
- 11:01Michelle Gauthier: So realize that every week, you're setting up expectations that you can never meet and that you're thinking thoughts like, there's no way I can get all of this done, which will guarantee that you won't be able to get all of it done.
- 11:13Michelle Gauthier: Take a minute to just write down - or, if you're driving right now, when you finish listening to this podcast, just record a voice note and say all of the thoughts that you're thinking about your own to-do list.
- 11:25Michelle Gauthier: So just noticing them and writing them down or saying them out loud so that you can listen back to it later, is a great way to start solving the problem and realizing that thinking thoughts like that are never going to help you do more things.
- 11:40Michelle Gauthier: They're always going to be working against you.
- 11:42Michelle Gauthier: A nd then start thinking about what you would like to think instead.
- 11:48Michelle Gauthier: I say this all the time, but you cannot create a new thought that is sunshine and rainbows and doesn't feel true, because it won't work.
- 11:54Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, if you're looking at that to-do list of 10 things and your first thought is, there's no way I can do this, I don't even know where to start, I can't get all of this done.
- 12:03Michelle Gauthier: And then you switch it to say, I'm going to get all of this done today, and you know in your body that that's a lie - like our body always knows when we lie - so when your body knows it's a lie, it's not going to believe it and it's not going to work.
- 12:13Michelle Gauthier: So you have to think something that is a different thought but also feels true.
- 12:18Michelle Gauthier: So what could a true thought be?
- 12:21Michelle Gauthier: Could you say, I can make progress on item number one today, or, I know the first thing that I'm going to work on today?
- 12:28Michelle Gauthier: Or even a realistic outlook, like I'm not going to get everything done today, but I'm going to try working on the top three things.
- 12:38Michelle Gauthier: Telling yourself the truth about what's going on will always feel better than either having a super negative thought or a fake super positive thought.
- 12:47Michelle Gauthier: Also, go easy on yourself and remember that those thoughts that are coming into your head that are negative and those old patterns that you have have probably been with you since you were a kid, and don't judge yourself for that.
- 12:58Michelle Gauthier: Remember that the thoughts that come into your head are out of your control, but what's in your control is if you believe those thoughts, if you grab on to them and you take them as the truth.
- 13:09Michelle Gauthier: So instead, just question them, come up with a new thought and think that instead, all right.
- 13:14Michelle Gauthier: So, in summary, overwhelm is not always about doing too much.
- 13:18Michelle Gauthier: It's often rooted in your mindset, so recognizing and addressing both the negative thoughts that you're having and then the hidden triggers like perfectionism, fear, and self-doubt, can reduce the feelings of overwhelm.
- 13:32Michelle Gauthier: And that, if you can implement a simple strategy like writing out your negative thoughts or writing out your old beliefs, or reaching out to me to have that conversation, that will allow you to then break free from that negative thinking, which will then allow you to get to work and get some things accomplished today.
- 13:52Michelle Gauthier: That's it for today.
- 13:54Michelle Gauthier: Let's move on to Michelle's Do Less for More Success tip.
- 13:59Michelle Gauthier: This week's Do Less for More Success tip is about your phone.
- 14:11Michelle Gauthier: How about just looking at your phone less?
- 14:15Michelle Gauthier: I just noticed that when I get up to leave the room, I always grab my phone.
- 14:21Michelle Gauthier: Do you really need to take the phone when you're walking to the bathroom or if, in my case, you're going from the office into the kitchen to make your lunch?
- 14:32Michelle Gauthier: Or do you really need to grab your phone the second that you start to feel a little bit of boredom?
- 14:39Michelle Gauthier: I was sitting at a restaurant last weekend and the handsome man friend had gone to the restroom and so I was just sitting there by myself and I had already chosen what I wanted to order, and I noticed that my immediate response was to pick up my phone as soon as he walked away from the table and I thought, I'm just going to sit here for a second, I'm going to look around, I'm going to notice my surroundings, I'm going to appreciate - we were sitting outside, it was a beautiful day - I'm going to appreciate this beautiful weather and I'm just going to be present, and it really shifted my mood and the amount of attention that I was giving to our dinner.
- 15:10Michelle Gauthier: So give it a try.
- 15:12Michelle Gauthier: To do less, try to just use your phone a little less and try to be more intentional and more present and see what happens.
- 15:19Michelle Gauthier: If you want help getting to the bottom of what those thoughts are and those old beliefs are that are causing you to stay stuck and overwhelmed and stress, and help becoming more present, come and join us in group coaching.
- 15:34Michelle Gauthier: The link is in the show notes.
- 15:36Michelle Gauthier: Set up a 15-minute session with me and we will talk through what you learn in group coaching and see if it's a great fit for you.
- 15:43Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 15:50Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
- 15:54Michelle Gauthier: com.
- 15:56Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.