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Who We Trust and How We Receive Advice : A Leadership Living Lab · Hope + Possibilities: Trust, Leadership + Strategic Foresight

• 0:23
  Hi, I'm Nola.
• 0:24
  I'm the host of the Hope and Possibilities podcast, and I wanted to talk a bit about
• 0:33
  Receiving advice.
• 0:34
  My last episode was about giving advice, but it's equally important
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  to think about how we receive.
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  And first of all it's the type of advice.
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  So what do you do with unsolicited advice versus advice you seek out?
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  And who do you actually trust?
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  And if you are receiving either type of advice, how do you filter
• 1:05
  what's really useful and where do you look for the advice?
• 1:09
  And it does not actually have to be personal advice.
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  So when I'm talking about mentorship, generally the idea
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  is that you're receiving it from somebody that you know personally.
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  So like whether that's parents or, other adults in your life or, coworkers
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  or colleagues or industry experts or somebody that you have a tenuous
• 1:34
  connection to at, at, at any point.
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  That's a certain type of advice because it tends to be more personal,
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  it tends to be more interactive, it tends to be curated to yourself.
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  But there's another type of advice that honestly I find useful, and that is
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  the thought leadership aspect of it.
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  So this is somebody who doesn't know you at all and is
• 2:02
  producing content of some sort.
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  So whether that's TED Talks, whether that's books, whether that's videos.
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  However you consume their thought leadership type content, whether you
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  wanna call it thought leadership or not, it's some type of expertise that they're
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  sharing in a way that you're consuming it-
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  Without knowing them personally.
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  It's a parasocial relationship essentially.
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  And how do you decide who to follow?
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  Who-- how do you decide
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  which people really receive your attention, and how does that change?
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  And also, how do you adapt as they change?
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  So for example I mentioned that I had a coach.
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  Initially when I first hired her, she was very focused on career advice
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  and preparing resumes and writing a book about storytelling and, she had
• 3:06
  some theater practices involved too.
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  But then she really significantly shifted into meditation.
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  She said herself that she has a habit of once she actually gets passionate
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  about something, it becomes her whole personality, and so she pivoted
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  her brand really to embrace that.
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  And then she ended up going back to work full-time for a company and got
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  into leadership development and really got away from the type of coaching
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  that I originally hired her for.
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  And that was a real shift to be able to adapt with her as she adapted herself.
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  And honestly, in lots of ways it's been a gift because you get to analyze
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  how you're reacting in terms of
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  what that story means to you, right?
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  I find this honestly with pop stars and people who act.
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  They put forth a certain type of work, and then if they change,
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  people are reluctant to let that go.
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  And a lot of times, especially with musicians, if they shift the type
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  of music that they're producing
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  People can't adapt and they don't like the new stuff.
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  They want them to do more of the same because it's almost like they
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  fulfill that need, again, going back to that parasocial relationship.
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  And of course, nobody really has the ability to say whether somebody is going
• 4:45
  to produce that or not but I'm seeing that a lot with thought leadership is there's
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  a reluctance to allow people to shift and change and adapt and move into different
• 4:56
  types of work because it changes the story of how that person is useful to you.
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  And just having that ability to step back and analyze why somebody's development
• 5:15
  can threaten your own personal story, that's actually a useful skill to work
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  through in terms of your own identity and your own development, and that's
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  something that I've never really heard anybody really talk about significantly.
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  Although this week there was actually somebody posted about the fact of
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  people who step away from corporate and get into freelancing or some
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  other type of work that isn't necessarily a straightforward job.
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  And basically she was like, "Why is it so hard for people who know
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  you to be supportive, to let that go, to have a real understanding of
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  how you're changing and adapting?"
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  And why do they often just resort to go get a real job?
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  Like, why is that such a hard transition?
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  And again, I think it comes down to that identity piece of it, if you're
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  changing who you are and how you make money, and y- your identity is
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  shifting because of the work that you do, how does that impact them and
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  how does that shift their identity?
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  And if they're not able to adapt and they're not able to let that go, what
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  does that say about their ability?
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  And I ended up saying to this person, and in lots of ways it's easier to think
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  about it as it's not that they don't care, it's about neuroplasticity and how
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  their brain is forming new connections and learning and adapting in real time, right?
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  People… Some people just don't have the type of brain that has the capacity to
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  be able to build those new connections.
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  And it's not
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  It's biological more than it's actually based in personality or ability, right?
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  It's just fundamentally how
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  they think.
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  And it's related to their brain chemistry and the neuroscience of
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  it rather than any type of instinct.
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  And sometimes that's an easier thing to hear rather than, "I've explained it
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  400 times and they still don't get it.
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  I don't understand why it's so difficult to pay attention," right?
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  And it's not necessarily about the fact that they're not paying attention.
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  It's about the fact that they just don't have that mental flexibility to
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  be able to build that new connection.
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  And that is a reality of how we receive feedback and how we
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  trust people to influence our decisions in real time, right?
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  So
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  it's useful if you are a person who's seeking out information and advice whether
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  that's, something personally curated to you or something that you're paying
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  attention to that's publicly available.
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  Who really forms your board of directors, right?
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  Because it's probably not just one person, because everybody has a different
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  background, everybody has a different type of skill set, everybody has a different
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  understanding of how the world works.
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  I tend to be drawn to people who have a broad background, who have
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  worked through multiple different industries and skills and roles.
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  A lot of times the, the people that I pay attention to are 20 years older than I am.
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  But also I do look for balance in that too.
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  Like that coach I mentioned, she's a good eight years younger than I am.
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  And sometimes I look at the people who actually make me uncomfortable,
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  and I try to figure out what it is about their positioning, what it is
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  about their advice and expertise.
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  Is it that it's invalid the stuff that they're actually sharing,
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  or is there something about their delivery that I need to
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  assess to see if that's a bias that I need to let go of.
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  There's a creator that I follow, and she she tends to position
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  things of, she's working with these really cool millennial managers.
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  And I recognize that as a marketing tactic.
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  She's positioning herself as one of them, and if you are a really
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  cool millennial manager, you want her to think that you're cool.
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  You… She's positioning herself as one of them, and it's about belonging
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  more than it is anything about that.
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  But that positioning really got my back up because for one, I'm not a millennial.
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  So I'm like, "Why is she focusing on that type of positioning?" And it's really
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  come down to she knows her audience, and she's positioning herself so that
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  she's actually drawing in people who hear that and go, "Ooh, she's talking
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  about me," rather than, someone like me, where she's actually actively trying
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  to alienate because she-- I'm not the type of personality that she values.
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  And so it's not anything to do with either one of us.
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  It's just this is what her intention is.
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  This is her method, and I'm reacting to that in real time because sometimes I
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  think some of the things that she says are interesting, but at the same time, I'm
• 10:51
  alienated, and I wanted to understand why.
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  And it's not because I have a bias.
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  It's because she's actively facilitating that bias to draw
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  people that she wants more of to her.
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  But to be able to filter through that, because you can feel it in your body is
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  a real-really useful way of understanding how you allow people to influence you.
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  And power and influence is a really important critical skill
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  both in how you practice it yourself, but also how you allow others to
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  influence your choices and decisions.
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  And that's the aspect of
• 11:41
  receiving advice I think that we don't talk about enough.
• 11:45
  So I'm gonna leave that there for thought.
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  I'm gonna put in some resources in the show notes, so if you're looking
• 11:52
  for that, it'll be in the show notes.
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  Again, I'm interested in your stories.
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  If you have a specific story about how somebody influenced you or not
• 12:01
  these are great things to look at and analyze, and I'd really appreciate
• 12:04
  you sharing that kind of detail.
• 12:07
  It, it's an opportunity to be interactive, and it doesn't usually
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  happen on the podcast, but I never stop trying, so thank you