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What Are The Stages A Narcissist Goes Through When You Leave Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what stages do a the? So what stages does a narcissist
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  go through when you leave them? When the relationship ends, when
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  you are the discarder and not the discard D like when you
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  leave them, we leave the relationship.
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  How do they feel? What it What goes through the
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  mind of a narcissist when it's all said and done?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist that is here to help you understand
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  the mind of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back folks,
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  welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, the mind of a narcissist. The stages a narcissist goes
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  through when the relationship is finito, when it's done, when
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  it's over. I I good day Sir, you lose all
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  that good stuff right there. So what goes through the mind of
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  a narcissist y'all Like what stages do they go through?
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  I know a lot of people when they see this video, it's going to
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  sound like the stages of grief, right?
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  There's five stages of grief. What are the five stages of
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  grief? Denial, anger, bargaining,
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  depression, and acceptance, right?
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  Which could be a very similar pattern that narcissistic people
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  follow. Once you decide to end the
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  relationship, once you decide to dip on it, it could be very
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  similar to what they actually do, right?
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  But I will say this as well because this is something that
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  some people miss right here. The first stage that some
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  narcissists go through when you leave, when the relationship is
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  over, when you leave them is happiness, right?
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  Some of them are happy that you left.
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  I know that could might confuse some people like happy that we
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  left. What are you talking about?
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  Like we broke up with them. Why would why the hell would
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  they be happy when we are the ones that ended the
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  relationship? So that doesn't make any sense
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  to me. You need you got to explain.
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  You got to explain yourself right now.
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  Right now. Yeah, I've.
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  Yeah, Don't, don't yell at me. Yell at me.
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  Why don't you? You don't have to yell at me.
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  I I got you right here. Yeah.
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  So some narcissists will be happy that you left them because
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  they want you to be the ones that leave.
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  Like, you know the reverse discard is a thing, right?
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  The reverse discard is absolutely real.
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  And a lot of people experience this.
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  You know, the reverse discard happens when that narcissist or
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  toxic person wants you to be the one that leaves them.
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  They want you to be the one that ends the relationship so they
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  don't feel as bad, right? So they don't feel bad about how
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  the relationship is going or what happens next or whatever
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  the case may be. They want you to end it.
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  So some of them are absolutely thrilled that you left, that you
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  leave them. Yeah.
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  So some of them will absolutely be thrilled that you are the one
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  that calls it quits, that you are the one that finally decides
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  to end it all. They will be happy.
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  And it sucks and it sucks and it sucks because if you leave them,
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  you expect them to be sad. You might want them to be sad
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  because I guess people think that being sad means you care.
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  So you associate that sadness with them caring about you.
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  So when they're happy or out partying and clubbing and things
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  like that, once you, once the relationship ends, you might
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  feel bad about the situation, right?
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  You might feel that something might go on within your head or
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  within your mind and you like what the what the hell is going
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  on now? They must have never cared about
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  me. I must not have mattered to
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  them. You'll start questioning your
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  worth and your own value because they're not sad that you left.
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  Do you know what I'm saying? They're happy.
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  They're they're excited that you leave them, right?
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  So just be watch out for that. Watch out for the happiness
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  stage that some narcissists go through.
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  Not every single narcissist will go through this right?
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  But some narcissists will absolutely be happy that you are
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  the one that left, that the relationship has ended and they
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  can go out here and do what they want to do and be who they be
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  with, who they want to be with because they've been cheating on
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  you and now it gives them an excuse to play the victim.
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  The next stage that they go through, some of them will go
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  right to anger, right? Right to anger and rage, they
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  would go right to raging out because they're not ready for
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  you to be the one. They're not ready for the
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  relationship to end, right. They're not ready for the
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  relationship to, to end and whatnot.
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  They're they, they want, they don't, they're not, they don't
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  have a new supply set up, so they need you to stay with them.
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  They need you to be around. They need you to be here and
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  they need you to be with them. So they're not ready for you to
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  be the one that leaves them. So they, they, they lose their
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  minds, some of them will rage out and start to threaten you
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  and threaten to harm you and threaten to do bad, bad things
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  to you. So this is the stage right here,
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  y'all, when you leave, if you see a narcissist raging out and
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  being angry, yeah. It doesn't mean that they care.
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  It means that they, some of them are, are, are obsessed.
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  It means that some of them think that they own you or you belong
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  to them and whatnot. That's what that means.
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  It's a very unique space to be in when you're dealing with
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  narcissistic toxic people. You know, it's something to
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  really, really think about and really, really consider when you
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  leave and something you have to plan for.
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  Because some people try to hurt you, right?
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  I'm not trying to be morbid, but some people will try to hurt you
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  if you leave because leaving can be the most dangerous time.
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  So the ones that are not happy get angry as hell.
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  And sometimes they get happy and then they get angry, right?
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  Even if they're happy that you leave, like some of them will be
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  happy, then they'll shift to sadness and anger and rage.
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  So be very careful because they will rage out on you and they
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  will threaten to harm you. And sometimes, let's say,
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  because they're not ready, they don't have a new supply set up,
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  they don't have anybody waiting in the wings for them.
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  So they will be angry as hell and some of them will lose their
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  minds because you leave them, right?
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  Because you end the relationship, right?
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  Yeah, like I said, some of them, like I said, like I said, the
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  five stages go denial, anger, bargaining, depression and and
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  acceptance. But some of them don't even,
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  yeah, they will deny it, right? But the denial goes straight to
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  anger, like they it's not over. It's not over till I say it's
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  over. So that denial and anger stage
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  that most people go through that it's like it's like balling up.
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  It's like balled up into one cumulative stage.
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  So it's like deny your rage, deny your anger.
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  They'll be mad as hell. They'll deny that the
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  relationship is over, threaten to harm you, threaten to keep
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  the kids from you. They'll start doing that right
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  there 'cause that's when they shift into like the threatening
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  bargaining phase of narcissistic anger and rage, right?
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  They while they're angry, while they're denying the
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  relationship, while they're angry that it's over, they'll
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  start threatening you. And this is a narcissist
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  bargaining right here, the threatening stage.
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  They start threatening to hurt you, threatening to harm you,
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  threatening to take everything away from you, threaten to ruin
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  your life, threaten to end your life, threaten to make sure that
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  you never date again. I'm going to now you're never
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  going to date again. Nobody else is going to come
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  into your life and be happy and rabble, rabble rabble, blah,
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  blah, blah, Boo Boo, Boo BBB. You're not, I'm nobody ever
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  going to treat you the way I treat you.
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  No, you're not going to ever be happy.
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  And this and that and the third this, that and the fourth this,
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  that and the 5th, right? This is what's going to happen a
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  lot of times with people. So this is what another thing
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  that you have to prepare for as well, because they will start
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  bargaining with you, but it's a threatening stage.
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  It's a threatening type of bargaining, right?
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  They threaten, they, they try to negotiate with you, right?
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  They absolutely try to negotiate with you.
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  And guess what else happens right here?
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  Y'all, Not only will they start threatening you, they'll start
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  threatening to harm themselves. So there's a threatening stage
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  as well where they will start threatening to hurt themselves.
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  Because they don't know how to act.
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  Because they don't know how to behave.
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  Because they don't know. How to just be, be human beings
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  and act correctly. They don't know what to do or
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  how to go out doing things. So they act out, they behave
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  erratically. They start threatening to harm
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  themselves. They start threatening to not
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  pay child support or not alimony or not pay alimony or not let
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  you see the kids, right? Because if they, like I said,
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  sometimes they'll threaten to not let you see the kids.
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  They'll keep the kids away from you, Right.
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  So that's the stage that that most narcissists go through as
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  well. Is this stage of like
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  threatening anger and like, it's a bargaining stage, Right.
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  But it's like threatening and anger.
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  Yeah. Will some, will every single
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  narcissist get angry? No.
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  Will they start threatening you? No.
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  Like some of them will bargain you and just try to like,
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  there's a stage this this same stage right here.
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  Well, they will change like the stage where they go back to
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  normal. And what I mean by what I mean
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  by normal is they go back to who they were when you first met
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  them, right? This is a stage that a lot of
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  narcissistic people go through right here, y'all, If you leave
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  them because they've been treating you badly a lot of the
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  time, right? A lot of times they will go back
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  to who they were originally. They'll go back to behaving how
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  they used to behave originally. They'll go back to treating you
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  how they used to treat you originally.
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  Like they got you, they got you to fall in love for them.
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  They'll go back to the love bombing phase.
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  They'll go back to the beginning and start treating you well
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  again, like, oh, like look, sometimes damn near overnight.
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  You tell them you want to, you tell them you want to break up.
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  You tell them that you want a divorce.
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  You tell them that you want to be separated or whatever.
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  Guess what happens? They switch it out
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  automatically. Now they're helping you around
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  the house. Now they're cooking now they're
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  cleaning. Now they give you the bun.
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  Then they y'all clapping cheeks more.
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  You like, wait, what happened? Because they they went back.
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  They, it's kind of like they have a, they had a factory reset
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  and reset themselves back to the factory setting and start
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  treating you a certain type of way, right?
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  This behavior happens all the time.
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  This is the stage that they will go through as well.
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  Again, they will go through the stage of not every single
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  narcissist is going to go through the same stages, right?
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  They, everybody's going to go through this flux, but some of
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  them will revert back to the, the old them, the old me, the
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  old loving, caring me. But this is something that you
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  need to think about right here. If they could, if they could
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  turn it on right now, why haven't they done it before?
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  Like if they can start all of a sudden out of nowhere treating
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  you better without you even asking, that means they could
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  have done it the entire time. That means they could have
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  treated you better the entire time.
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  And they were just withholding it because they were angry at
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  you. They were withholding it because
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  they were sorry at they've been sorry as sorry as hell.
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  They were withholding it to manipulate you.
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  They were they were punishing you on purpose.
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  It's more manipulation, right? It's more manipulation, right?
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  The next stage that I would say that a lot of narcissists go
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  through, Y'all is, yeah, it's kind of following the stages of
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  grief, but I would say depression.
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  Depression and acceptance sometimes come go hand in hand.
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  It's like this cumulative depression acceptance stage
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  where a lot of a lot of them will go out and find a new
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  supply. If they haven't had it right,
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  they'll be depressed and sad as hell because they don't have a
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  they don't, they're not getting any type of narcissistic supply
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  or validation. So they start collapsing in on
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  themselves like a little like a, like a neutron star, they start
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  collapsing in on themselves. So they need some type of
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  validation from the outside source.
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  Narcissist cannot self validate. So we need it from an outside
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  source. We need it from someone else.
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  We needed to get it from somewhere else, right?
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  Then we get it from somewhere else.
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  That means that we're trying, like I said, we need it.
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  So we go ahead and find a new supply because we're depressed,
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  because we're sad as hell, because we're angry that we need
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  to go find somebody else to validate us.
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  And this during this stage right here, y'all, is when you see a
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  lot of narcissists end up with somebody that's not their
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  original type, right? I know a lot of people ask me
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  like, why do they pick somebody that they why do they pick
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  somebody that's not their type? They need supply.
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  They need somebody to make them feel good about themselves.
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  They need somebody who might listen and not listen and not
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  judge, right? We listen and we don't judge.
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  They might need that type of person right now where they're
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  going through this type of stuff.
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  They need somebody, anybody. So it might be somebody that
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  they actually don't like or somebody that they've been
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  talking bad about for a long time while y'all have been
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  together. Like they've been pretending to
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  hate this person. They've been pretending to not
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  like this person. But this is the stage.
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  This is what ends up happening y'all.
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  But yeah, after they acceptance y'all, the cycle can start all
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  over. They still, just because they go
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  to this last stage where they find a new supply, it does not
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  mean that they will leave you alone.
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  Some of them will go back to anger, go back to sadness, go
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  back to rage, go back to bargaining, go back to try to
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  get you back in the relationship.
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  This cycle does not end just because they have a new supply
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  and they can get married to the new supply.
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  Y'all, they can do all this type of stuff with the new supply.
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  It doesn't mean that they will stop going through these stages.
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  Sometimes they'll sit in anger and rage and then they'll treat
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  you horribly and they'll try to punish you for the rest of your
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  time that you have to deal with them because of a business,
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  because of whatever, right? They'll treat you badly because
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  you still have to deal with them.
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  So this is something to consider.
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  Anyways, y'all, be safe, take care of yourselves.
• 13:04
  And as always, y'all until this is out peace before you go, make
• 13:08
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• 13:10
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• 13:13
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• 13:16
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• 13:19
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  channel memberships as well. Y'all, thank you so much for
• 13:24
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
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  Peace.