Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Rethinking Schoolies: Experiences Your Teen Will Actually Remember

Transcript

Rethinking Schoolies: Experiences Your Teen Will Actually Remember · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: This weekend. The action starts on the Gold Coast and
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: in other places around Australia schoolies celebrations comments. Now, we
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: know that most people who are listening to the Happy
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Families podcast are not sending their year twelve students off
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: to schoolies. But today's episode is about planting seeds for
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: how you can have great conversations with your kids to
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: help them to make safe, healthy choices when it comes
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to what's coming up for school is, and really to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: paint the picture that schoolies is not the be all
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and end all necessary right of passage for every student
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: finishing year twelve. In fact, we're kind of, how would
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you say it, honey, anti? Are we anti schoolers? We're
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: not big fans of schoolies and we've discouraged our kids
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: from going.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's really important to have some kind of celebration,
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  Speaker 2: but I wouldn't call it schoolies, right.
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  Speaker 1: So we're going to talk in today's podcast about how
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you can set your kids up for success with either
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: schoolies by attending or finding alternatives that are going to
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: work really really well to keep your kids safe and
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: healthy at a really, really pivotal time of their lives.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Useful for parents of kids at any age. Stay with us.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, where you
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: get real parenting solutions every single day on Australia's most
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson, parents
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: have six kids. We've got our fourth daughter finishing year twelve. Well,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I think she's finished. I think the last exam's done.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: She's out, she's done, it's all over. We've got the
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: formal in two days. First day of school is so
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: the kids are going to be missing that and honey,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: it's all happening. We've only got two to go. I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: only got two more kids to get through high school.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: You look tired.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to come up with a clever response, but
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  Speaker 3: I think I just need.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: A pat on the bat and a good lay down. Yeah,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: a good laydown, maybe some valiant All right, So today
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about school. Is do your kids
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: need to go? What if they're being to go and
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: you don't want them to go? I mean, okay, there's
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: a bunch of different groups. If you're kilfey kids to
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: go to schoolies and they want to go to school,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: is this is not the podcast for you? But if
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: you've got younger kids and you're watching what happens at
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: school is and you're just thinking, I don't think this
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: is in my children's best interest to be there. This
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: is your podcast, And whether your kids are in prep
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: or Hindi or first grade, or whether they're in high
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  Speaker 1: school or getting towards the pointy end schools, conversations are
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: going to come up. And that's what we're going to
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: discuss today.
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  Speaker 2: I think one of the most important things that we
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: talk about often is just intention and purpose, and no
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: matter where your kids are in their stage of schooling,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: being prepared for this big event is really important. And
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: the more intention we have around it, the more we
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  Speaker 2: can be prepared and actually be excited about this rite
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  Speaker 2: of passage for our kids as opposed to dreading it.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we've got four kids who are
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  Speaker 1: now finished high school. None of them have gone to schoolies.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't go to SCHOOLI you didn't go to schoolies.
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  Speaker 1: We're not a schoolies family. And I think it's because
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  Speaker 1: it just doesn't sit with who we are. It doesn't
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  Speaker 1: sit with our morale, with our values. We don't love
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: the idea of eighteen and seventeen year old kids running
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  Speaker 1: around the Gold Coast at two o'clock of three o'clock
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  Speaker 1: in the morning, completely off their face and looking four
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  Speaker 1: opportunities to make decisions that they will probably regret the
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: next day and that could actually have catastrophic consequences throughout
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: the rest of their lives. Am I getting caught up
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  Speaker 1: in the media news beat up? Maybe, But I've heard
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: enough horror stories to know that while a lot of
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: people go to schoolers and have a great time, there
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: are plenty of kids who go to schoolers and don't.
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  Speaker 1: So we've literally just sat down with our kids and said,
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  Speaker 1: we don't want you to go to schoolings, but we'd
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  Speaker 1: love to work with you on alternatives that could be interesting.
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  Speaker 1: And today we present to you four or five alternatives
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  Speaker 1: that could be interesting that may sway your kids away
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  Speaker 1: from schoolings.
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  Speaker 2: We have a tradition at our house when the kids
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  Speaker 2: turn sixteen, they get two weeks of unfiltered time with us,
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  Speaker 2: you and me. No one else comes along. It's just
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  Speaker 2: them and us, and it is probably one of the
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: most talked about holidays in our family.
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  Speaker 3: The girls look forward to anticipation.
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  Speaker 2: Much are talking about it. I know that we're not
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  Speaker 2: talking about sweet sixteen. But if this is something you
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  Speaker 2: haven't done before, this could actually be a really special
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  Speaker 2: thing that you could create a tradition of excitement and
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  Speaker 2: anticipation around a trip that you get to do with
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  Speaker 2: your child.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's a really big one. Now, I
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  Speaker 1: want to highlight a couple of the ideas that were
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  Speaker 1: want to share. To require some finances, and that may
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  Speaker 1: not work for you because your family's just not in
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that situation.
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  Speaker 3: So we've got there in Kinder. You've got lots of times.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. You can save a lot of money
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  Speaker 1: in the next ten or fifteen years or there about,
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  Speaker 1: and you.
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  Speaker 3: Can actually get your children involved.
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  Speaker 1: In the savings completely. Yeah. In fact, we've done that
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  Speaker 1: with some of our kids when they want to go
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  Speaker 1: on a different kind of a trip, so we've we've
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  Speaker 1: brought them in, Kylie. I want to extend from your
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  Speaker 1: sweet sixteen idea. A couple of years ago, one of
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  Speaker 1: our friends, his son was finishing year twelve and really
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  Speaker 1: wanted to go to schools with his buds, and dad
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  Speaker 1: just said, I really don't want you to be there.
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  Speaker 1: I'm concerned about what could happen, and I want you
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  Speaker 1: to be safe and healthy. But I've got an idea.
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  Speaker 1: And so with a couple of the other dads of
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  Speaker 1: this boy's best mates, the three dads planned a trip
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  Speaker 1: for the three boys and the six of them went away. Now,
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  Speaker 1: you can do this in Australia, you can do it overseas.
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  Speaker 1: You can do it with a surfing trip. You could
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  Speaker 1: do with a fishing trip, you could do with a
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  Speaker 1: camping trip. You could These guys they all ran their
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  Speaker 1: own businesses and were in a situation where they had
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  Speaker 1: the funds. They went to the US and they watched
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  Speaker 1: basketball and baseball and football games, and they just toured
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  Speaker 1: around a couple of US cities and went to a
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  Speaker 1: whole lot of sports things. And did I mean this
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  Speaker 1: was a trip of a lifetime kind of stuff, which
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  Speaker 1: was I mean, the boys just said this was way
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  Speaker 1: better than going to schoolies.
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  Speaker 2: When I heard our friends talking about this, I was
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  Speaker 2: just ecstatic, just the idea that dads would rally together
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  Speaker 2: and brilliantly put something together that would be not only
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  Speaker 2: meaningful for their sons, but to be able to experience
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  Speaker 2: it together. It just I was just in awe of them.
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  Speaker 2: I thought it was awesome.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me go on a little bit of rand
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  Speaker 1: a little bit of tangent here. Boys need good masculine
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  Speaker 1: role models in their lives and for dads to take
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  Speaker 1: the time out of their busy work lives to sacrifice
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  Speaker 1: time and money to take their kids away. It doesn't
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  Speaker 1: have to be NBA games in the US. I mean
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  Speaker 1: that is kind of extra, but depending on your situation,
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  Speaker 1: you could do any number of things.
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  Speaker 2: This is also like building their village, right. It's helping
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  Speaker 2: them to see other other good men in their lives
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  Speaker 2: who are role models, who are going to be there
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  Speaker 2: and support them.
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  Speaker 3: And yeah, I just loved it.
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  Speaker 1: So I've let my imagination get away from me a
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  Speaker 1: little bit. And as I made some notes here that
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  Speaker 1: I didn't tell you about it, I wrote down Japan, USA, Barcelona,
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  Speaker 1: Berley and Balley. It doesn't matter, like just that they're
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: all really aspirational and then maybe they're too big. But
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  Speaker 1: for many families, with planning, and that's why we're having
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  Speaker 1: this conversation now because at school is time. But most
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: people who have got U twelve kids aren't listening to
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: the podcast. People with young kids are listening. With planning,
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  Speaker 1: you can start to set the agenda. You can organize
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  Speaker 1: the friendship group, you can organize the mums or the dads.
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  Speaker 1: You could do a mums and girls trip and you
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: can go and do a retreat in Orbud in Bali,
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  Speaker 1: or you can head across to Queenstown. And like, there
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  Speaker 1: are so many things and with planning, years of planning,
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  Speaker 1: you can save the money, you can make the bookings,
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  Speaker 1: you can get everyone excited and it creates this tradition. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: our family does this thing when we graduate high school
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  Speaker 1: because school is isn't for us. I'm going to quickly
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  Speaker 1: extend that as well with a follow up and that
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  Speaker 1: is just family trips, so rather than just being mum
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  Speaker 1: and a child who's just graduated, or dad and a
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  Speaker 1: child who's just graduated. I also reckon there's real value
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  Speaker 1: in getting families together. And just recently I've done a
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  Speaker 1: lot of traveling around Australia for my speaking. Just recently
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I was in a part of the country that the
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  Speaker 1: Murray River flows through and they were telling me about
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  Speaker 1: how popular it is for people to hire houseboats and
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: go down the Murray River. I was on the New
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  Speaker 1: South Walest Central Coast recently and people will talking about
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  Speaker 1: how people hire houseboats and go up and down the
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  Speaker 1: Hawksbury River. A few years ago as a family, we
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  Speaker 1: went to the Whitsun and we hide a boat and
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: we just cruised around the with Sundays. Doing something like
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  Speaker 1: that with one or two or three families is another
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  Speaker 1: really amazing way that we can maximize that we can
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  Speaker 1: boost our children's anticipation for what schoolers can be while
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  Speaker 1: still avoiding the chaos and realistically some of the carnage
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  Speaker 1: that occurs when you get a bunch of seventeen thousands
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  Speaker 1: of seventeen and eighteen year olds and all the toolies
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  Speaker 1: as well together After the break, Kylie, I know you've
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  Speaker 1: got a couple of others that you want to share,
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  Speaker 1: and one or two last ideas to help you to
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  Speaker 1: make plans to help your kids look forward to a
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  Speaker 1: schoolies experience that's a little bit different, a little bit
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  Speaker 1: more wholesome, and hopefully a little bit more healthy. This
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: is the Happy Families Podcast. If you're enjoying the pod,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: please like and review the podcast. We love those five
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: star reviews. They help other people to find the pod
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and make their families happy. Up today, talking about the
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: different ways that we can celebrate school is with our
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: kids with them, or set things up so that they
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  Speaker 1: can be successful but not be in risky situations so much.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's been a productive conversation. Kyle, You've got
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  Speaker 1: another one that you wanted to run through.
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  Speaker 2: So I didn't do school, as you've already acknowledged that.
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  Speaker 2: But I grew up in New Zealand, and when I
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: was ten, we moved to Australia. I had never actually
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: gone back to New Zealand, so as a seventeen year
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  Speaker 2: old freshly out of high school, my mum and dad
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  Speaker 2: chose to send me to New Zealand with my best friend,
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  Speaker 2: and I went and stayed with all of my relatives
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  Speaker 2: that I hadn't seen for it felt like a lifetime
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  Speaker 2: and got to reconnect with my cousins and see a country.
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  Speaker 3: That I loved. But I loved it from a ten
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  Speaker 3: year old's point of view.
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  Speaker 2: I got to experience it as a fresh adult, and
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  Speaker 2: that was an experience that I remember for all the
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: good reasons. And I think that lots of us have
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  Speaker 2: opportunities where we've got either really good family friends on
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  Speaker 2: the other side, or family that our kids could actually
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: go and have an experience on their own or with
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: a friend and experience life in.
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  Speaker 3: A different way.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, teens just love being able to get out of
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: the house and have some independence. So most of our
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  Speaker 1: ideas so far have been about the kids being with us,
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  Speaker 1: and that can be a really great bonding experience. But
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: sometimes they just want to hit the open road.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Ah, you're so funny. Our third daughter, she just wanted
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: to go on a road trip. She took a can
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: full of friends. They slept in their car.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: They so uncomfortable, but they were palmed. They're like, we're
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: sleeping in the back of the car. It's going to
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: be awesome. Like that is not awesome.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: And their idea of a road trip was literally taking
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: a left turn if they saw something that took their fancy.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Like they they kind of had a loose idea of
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: where they were going to end up, like from point
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: A to point B, but anything in between could happen,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: and they just had a blast.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Same daughter wanted to go on a road trip with
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: me recently, and that's when I realized. My idea of
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: a road trip is you get on the road and
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: your trip to where you're going. Her idea of a
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: road trip is it doesn't really She looked at.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Me, and she said, do you like doing road trips
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  Speaker 3: like this? Mom?
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  Speaker 1: She's like, do we have to keep on driving? Can
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: we not just stop? Because that looks interesting? I'm like, no,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: we're not stopping. We're going somewhere.
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  Speaker 2: And the last idea I've got for you is if
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  Speaker 2: you're part of like a church group or a community group,
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  Speaker 2: often they will actually put on their own events for
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: their kids.
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  Speaker 1: And so our church for the last twenty plus years
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  Speaker 1: has put on a schoolies trip for everyone who shares
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: the same values. Friends are welcome as well, but it's
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: basically if you're coming along, then you buy into what
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: we're about, which means that X, y, and z these
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: things don't happen. It probably always going to be some
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: rule breakers, but generally, but generally speaking, you're sending your
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: kids off with some adult supervision, minimal, but some adult supervision,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: but a whole bunch of kids that shared their values,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: which means that they feel comfortable, they can be themselves
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: and they're not going to experience the same risks that
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: they might if they went to a regular schoolies celebration.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: So I guess this will come too. You've got options.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: They can be team focused schoolies, or they can be
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: parents facilitated schoolies. Ultimately, there's something to celebrate here. High
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: school is done, and this is a reason for kids
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: to let their hair down and breathe a little and
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: even do some stuff independently. I'm all for that, but
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: it's also an opportunity to celebrate with people that you
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: love and build relationships and meaning and move in a
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: positive direction. So hopefully the ideas that we've shared today
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: will give you some things to consider as your kids
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: get older and start talking about what schools could be
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: for them. One more thing that I might add, not
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: every child wants to go to schoolies like some kids
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: just want to stay home and work. This is a
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: great opportunity to earn a whole lot of money. They've
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: got part time jobs. They're worried about asking their boss
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: for time off, but if they get stuck in and
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: do a whole lot of work, they can probably save
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: a couple of thousand bucks over the next few weeks,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: and they can go towards their new car, or the
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: fit out of the back of their van, or a
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: wholeiday that they are saving up for at a non
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: peak period without two or three or four or ten
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: thousand other schools, So just a bunch of ideas there
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: that could be useful when it comes to your kids
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: and schoolies and end of year twelve celebrations. We hope
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: that this has given you some info and some ideas
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: for making your family happier. Thanks so much for listening.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Bridge Mediat. Mimhammonds provides research, admin and a whole lot
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: of other support. If you'd like more info about making
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: your family happier, you can visit us at happy families
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: dot com dot a.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: You