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My Relationship Update! And Alix Earle's Long-Distance Breakup · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
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• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Hi guys, welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. Today I am talking to you solo without Grandma Gail because I wanted to get into some topics that I've wanted to share for a bit. First of all, long distance has been a big conversation, not only in my own life, but if a lot of people are on social media and following this whole Alex Earle and Braxton Berrios breakup, I feel like it's been all over my feed. She's obviously a huge influencer. If you're not familiar with her, she is 24, living her best life, has millions of followers, and she just did Dancing With The Stars.
• 1:56
  And so she's been in LA for a bit. And her boyfriend or ex boyfriend now is in the NFL. And she just announced that they broke up after about two years of long distance. If you follow Excuse My Grandma, that might sound familiar. I've also been in a relationship long distance for about two years.
• 2:16
  So we're gonna talk about all this, my thoughts on this, and my announcement that you might have seen on social media. I shared, if you haven't seen it yet, Zach and I are moving in together in New York. He's leaving LA so long distance no more. I can't even believe I'm saying it. I've let it settle in for about a month now.
• 2:39
  I I have just shared it with like close friends and family and you guys who come up to me like obviously I'm not hiding anything but for the larger like social media world I have been thinking about a way to share this news because it is something that's been building up for a really long time. Excuse My Grandma started almost five years ago really as me living my single life and going to my grandma Gail for wisdom and advice of how to handle relationships and all of these first dates that I was going on. And I feel like I've come so far and you guys have kind of seen that since then. We have first of all expanded to talking about other topics, running a business, fashion, lifestyle, all these things. But I'm still really excited now to be getting advice from my grandma in this new chapter.
• 3:31
  So we'll have to get all that from her, but I need to give you guys the background of my relationship and the whole conversation we had in more detail. So I wanna kind of chat first about the thoughts on the Alex Earle Braxton situation. So you guys can kind of understand my thought process of long distance because now you can see it can work. Even if it didn't work for them, it's working in my case and it's worked like we are now together in the same place. So I'm gonna talk through my thoughts on that and then reflect a little bit on the the year and what I'm gonna take into the new year and some self care practices in a way that feels really realistic.
• 4:14
  So the news about Alex and Braxton kind of was released through the press, I wanna say, like, a week or two ago now. And then it took her a bit to actually post her video. And then, like, everyone I feel like was listening to this video. She posted it you know, late at night my time, I think. And everyone was like, oh my god.
• 4:34
  We have to go watch it. And she basically said what we were expecting, which was while she was doing Dancing With The Stars in LA and he's in football season, they really like didn't see each other at all even though they've been doing long distance. She was in this new chapter of her life and she was like, wait, I actually like LA and I like these opportunities that are being handed to me. And it was kind of this realization that it was really hard to follow their own paths and desires while being in this couple. She said she loves him, they're on good terms, but she feel like she couldn't be what he needed right now and felt a lot of guilt around that.
• 5:14
  Like, we have to remember also guys, she handled it so well, but these aren't like normal people. These aren't people who, you know, are lit working their nine to five and all of that. Like, she's one of the most famous people and he has a huge career. He's in the NFL. So it's hard to even compare, but I think there are things that you can relate on.
• 5:38
  I I had a lot of respect on how she handled it. There was no negative words. And I I know she kind of was expressing these guilt feelings, but I think love and guilt can definitely exist at the same time. And, you know, the relationship not working out doesn't necessarily mean failure. That's true for every breakup.
• 5:56
  I feel like I've talked to friends and and myself even, and they've been like, I wasted these years. But it's really not true. Like, you take something from every relationship that you're in and bring it on to the next one, and you learn something about yourself. You learn something about how you are in relationships. So I hope she doesn't feel like it was a waste or anything like that.
• 6:19
  I think the hard thing is, like, looking at them as a couple, as a third party. Obviously, I don't know them personally looking on social media. They seemed really good and, like, they had everything together. Obviously, they're not gonna post their fights and all of every single personal moment, but it did seem like a healthy relationship. He was very involved in her family, and, like, they seem to really care for each other.
• 6:43
  So it is blindsiding to us when we're like, wait. What? You clearly weren't so great behind the scenes? But I think, you know, it really does come down to those logistics sometimes. She's young.
• 6:58
  They're both young and and clearly she's evolving and kind of choosing her life and her career over this relationship right now and I think there's no shame around that. It's not that the relationship wasn't, like, good enough or real. It just means it wasn't aligned on where she was in this moment. And I think in my case, which I'll get to in a in a little, we had to be both aligned of like, okay, this relationship is going to be priority because Zach and I are both very career oriented people as well and, like, could easily have just kept going down that path like we did for two years and, you know, doing our own thing and then making time to see each other. But it just wasn't sustainable for like, we really had to sit down and talk about, okay, long term, I want to be in like a more traditional relationship and, you know, get married eventually and do all those things.
• 7:54
  And, like, you know, just our dreams for, like, a family. And in the moment, even though we're not ready for that now, you can just kinda put it to the side. But, like, we really had to sit down and talk about the future even though the future is unclear and there's so many steps that have to happen before any of that and and that we want to happen for our careers and all these things. With long distance, you have to have those conversations even sooner than you would be if you're in the same place, if that makes sense. So one thing that really stood out to me with long distance in Alex and Braxton's situation is they didn't have a clear timeline.
• 8:32
  Like, it's not like and I have a friend who's in this situation. She's in medical school for six months, a year, three years, whatever it is, and knows that they'll reunite at the end of that. Like, there's no finite time that one of the people are going away for that you're like, okay. I can get through that long distance. They were in a situation where they were just like living life, both growing, loved the relationship, but had no plan of when they could actually be in the same place.
• 9:00
  And that's exactly what my situation was. So again, like we had to have those hard conversations. Otherwise you could just keep coasting. For people who have followed, excuse my grandma on social media or my personal Kimmerstein on social media, which if you don't, you should because I post a lot of fun personal stuff on there as well. Or you've just, like, been a long time podcast listener, you've known I've been in this long distance relationship from New York to LA for almost two years.
• 9:29
  I think I told the story of how I met. I'm friends with Zach's sister, and she introduced us. Grandma and I are both very into setups rather than, like dating apps or anything like that because I did the apps and, you know, I didn't find my person. But, up until recently, our long distance didn't come with that clear obvious timeline, and there was not that countdown from the beginning. So when I talk about uncertainty being the hardest part of long distance, like I I'm not speaking hypothetically.
• 9:59
  I know this very well. So what Alex's breakup really highlighted for me is long distance does not end relationships, uncertainty does. So if they can't describe what they're building toward, if they don't know what they want to an extent, the will eventually decide that for you. Because a non answer is also an answer. Like, you can't just keep plugging on one person.
• 10:27
  And in my case, it was me. It's gonna be like, okay, I need momentum for this relationship to exist. You can't just, like, be in the same state with someone, but you can't just be in the same situation, the same state as someone for a really long time without any movement in my opinion. So throughout our relationship, we were putting in the commitment for sure, visiting each other. I will say Zach visited me more because he's from New York, his family's here, and his job brought him to New York rather than, like, when I was going to LA.
• 11:00
  I made meetings and stuff when I was there, but there was nothing I had to be there for consistently, and I don't have any friends there. And so there was a time where I was like, okay, should I actually consider LA as a place that I could live? And it was really hard for me to envision that because I'm from New York City, my whole family is there, all my friends are there. My job, excuse my grandma, is New York, Florida. And and even though there's I have all these aspirations for working in the entertainment business, that's not really even based in LA that much anymore.
• 11:35
  It definitely is to an extent, but I'm not at that point yet. So it was hard for now for me to really see that. And so there were, of course, there were times that long distance felt like a feat, especially during those like really busy seasons of my life where sometimes I had to skip a work event to if I wanted to go see Zach, otherwise it would be five, six weeks without seeing him and that felt like a long time. Or, you know, any day that I was there in LA, I was sacrificing days that I could be getting content done with Grandma. And that is my job, like entertaining you guys and potential brand sponsors seeing our content and wanting to work with us, and that's like my income.
• 12:15
  I never felt like I wanted to give up. I never got close to that, but there were definitely times where I was like, damn, it would be easier to date someone in the same city as me and, like, start building a life and be parallel. I do like my alone time, and I feel like in long distance, you do have to have a little bit of that in you. Because if you are the kind of person who needs to be with someone 20 fourseven, when Zach was around, like, obviously we spent a ton of time together. But, yeah, once we got more serious, I was like, I want to be spending more than one week a month with someone, obviously.
• 12:55
  But it was you can't just love someone to make it work. It definitely has to be that consistency, that effort, the way you communicate and have those hard conversations. We are both pretty good communicators, I think. And I think long distance caused us to communicate in a way that we wouldn't have probably because you wouldn't have to be that open and forward. So I actually think it was a really good basis for us, to continue on into our relationship.
• 13:25
  Like nothing could be assumed. You have to say you miss someone. You have to say this is when I wanna come visit, all that kind of stuff. People in my life, some of them were a little bit of naysayers about long distance in general. Like, it's really hard.
• 13:39
  It's hard to make it work. It never works out because that's the stories they hear, which is why when I saw the act which is why when I saw the Alex Braxton stuff, I got a little bit nervous because I was like, shoot. Is that another, like, lose for the long distance world? But I think you did see how successful their relationship was until they broke up. So I really wanted to share my journey in this because I think for other people who are in long distance relationships, like there is a way through.
• 14:09
  So I'm gonna tell the story now of how this actually came to be. So we did start having these kind of conversations, which I think I was more in a place to be like, as I said, I need some momentum. Like, I want us to move forward. How long are we just gonna be, you know, dating in two different places? And I think it took a few of those conversations and a few disagreements honestly, to kinda land somewhere.
• 14:38
  And I think one day, Zach was just kind of like, okay. Let me, like, have these conversations with work to see what's possible. And it was something I I was asking for for a while, and honestly, I didn't think it was gonna happen because he was a little resistant. But he found out what is going to work for him. And that's why I'm like, don't give up on it if the first conversation doesn't go well.
• 15:05
  I think it's like a series of conversations that you have to have with any life decision. And so basically, I don't know why. I just was like manifested it and suddenly one day he was like, okay, I'm gonna like make this happen hopefully. And it was like a few, you know, weeks of an in between of getting things settled. So I wasn't sure exactly what was happening yet.
• 15:32
  And then I had this like fall party you guys might have seen where I had the Saint Francis wine. And a lot of my friends came and Zach was like, oh, can you come in the kitchen? And he actually put his little camera up. So I posted the reveal. So go look on social media because it's the cutest thing ever.
• 15:52
  On Excuse My Grandma, I posted it. And he basically printed out saying that he was coming here and I like read it and it was really, really exciting. And, yeah, it just felt like almost surreal because it's something you, like I wanted for a really long time. And I'm only now processing when it's like comes to the logistics of like, this is happening. Like how exciting that I don't have to fly across the country to see somebody or if I'm invited to a party, I my plus one can come.
• 16:27
  I I don't have to go alone. All of these things is just wild to me and I I'm excited to kind of like document that journey as well. And so that was really exciting. And then the next day we had brunch and he was like, so let's talk logistics. And I was like, yeah, what are you thinking with the living situation?
• 16:52
  And he was like, what are you thinking? What do you want? And I said, I mean, I would like to live together. I think that would be nice. And he was like, me too.
• 17:02
  Great. And we were like perfectly on the same page, which was just like a really positive, amazing moment. We were at Pastis and like having some French onion soup and we're like, my god, great. Like now we can like start looking for apartments and this is gonna be a whole fun chapter. I it's honestly wild because I still feel like I am that I don't know.
• 17:24
  I don't wanna say I am that single girl because I'm not. But like, I don't know. I feel like I was just like dating and now I'm like in a serious relationship moving in with someone like how is this happening? But I'm really excited. And I would say there's really no nerves around it.
• 17:39
  I think a lot of people try to make me nervous where they're like, well, every time you guys see each other now is sparks and fireworks and butterflies because you haven't seen each other for a while and it feels new again. But once you are in a routine with someone, it's less like that. And I don't know because I have like, right now, I'm with Zach for a month at a time, around the holidays and all of that. And I still, like, feel really excited and happy every day. Of course, it's not that moment of reuniting at the door and you're like, hi.
• 18:09
  And it's like you want a really long hug. Like, maybe it's not that, but I don't feel differently. I mean, we'll see guys. Like, ask me in a few months, but, that's the only thing I'm slightly nervous about. But otherwise, like, I think it's gonna be so fun.
• 18:24
  You guys should come apartment shopping with me. Like, well, not shopping. I'm renting. But I'm gonna, like, document that and the decorating. Grandma Gail, of course, has to help me decorate.
• 18:32
  This Like, is gonna be fun. So just some tangible takeaways for you guys about long distance. Before you try to, like, save a relationship or make it happen and, like, really put your neck out, I think you need to be clear about what you actually want. Like, before I had those conversations with Zach, if I just went in without thinking on my own, maybe I could have been convinced. And I think you need to be really clear about what you want before getting into a debate with someone because then you could end up in a situation where you're like, shit, how did I get here?
• 19:07
  This isn't what I want. So going in with your thoughts and your, know, the things that motivate you and the things that you are serious about and then compromising from there is the best way to go about it. And yeah, just like really ask yourself if you're in a kind of relationship like this, what kind of life you're building, not just, oh, I love this person. Check-in with yourself before, you know, having this conversation with your partner. And I also think you don't have to feel guilty for wanting the stability of a relationship that's not long distance, the proximity.
• 19:46
  Wanting those things doesn't mean you're selfish. I think I went through that a little bit of like, how can I request this when he's making such an effort and blah blah blah, but like, it's your life? You don't have to be with that person you can be with somebody else and have those things or hopefully you can have those things with your person but if they're not willing to you know come to your side or compromise I should say, in the middle somewhere like that's really not fair on you. And lastly, what I'll say about the Alex and Braxton thing is, again, this was a really public example of something that happens privately all the time. Just because it did not work for them does not mean it will not work for you.
• 20:26
  It's working for me. And yeah, just remember like your situation is different, but you can learn something from hopefully both sides of these relationships that we're sharing publicly. So this whole thing made me want to think about what I'm going to take into the new year. And I reflected on this year a little bit. I wanna make some vision boards and do all that.
• 20:50
  Of course, you guys know I'm into all of that. Like, swear I manifested the Zach thing too. Like, I saw you're gonna think I'm crazy. When I was in LA, I was like at this coffee shop and they had a tarot card reader and I wanted a break from working. So I just went and sat with her.
• 21:08
  And she said, by the end of the year, you are going to have an answer about your long distance, and you're gonna like the answer. And it was a little bit more, like, in-depth, but that literally happened. And what she said was, don't, like, hound him on it. Like, you let him know where you stand. Like you don't have to remind him every single day.
• 21:28
  Just kind of let him come to his decision and that's what I did. I honestly wasn't going that approach. I was like bringing up a lot. And when I listened to that, it worked out. So I am into manifesting and I wanna manifest for the new year and find out ways to do that more.
• 21:42
  Like, don't know if it's seeing a tarot card reader, but there has to be something. So I'm gonna look into more self care things. I don't think it has to be a spa day. I think with all of these, like, big life moments and changes ahead, it is really nice to have routine and ritual. One of mine that I've shared before is every morning, I have oatmeal with chia seeds, flax seeds, maple syrup, almond butter, cinnamon, and blueberries.
• 22:09
  And I watch reality TV. It could be housewives. It could be Kardashians. I'm not as picky with that. And that's how I start my day.
• 22:16
  It's like twenty, thirty minutes of that. And then honestly, I'm very productive the rest of my day because I've had that like chill reset moment. And it's by myself and I'm not picking up my phone right away and like talking to everybody. And that's something I a 100% am keeping. And I wanna maybe find a few other rituals like that that I can do throughout the day to kind of center myself.
• 22:40
  A big goal of mine next year is being more timely. It's something that I've talked about with a lot of people in my life. It is an issue. And, you know, I'm not late for, like, work calls. It's really social things.
• 22:54
  I don't know why. Like, I am thirty minutes late to a dinner or something like that. And my grandma especially is like, this is not okay. She's queen of timeliness, like, and honestly good behavior and, like, morals. Like, it is very rude to be late.
• 23:10
  I know this. So she's really reinforced this in me, and I want to work on that in the New Year. I'm gonna talk to her a little more about that, and we're gonna do a little bit more of a new year's chat together. But I just wanted to update you all first on this big change in my life and especially as people are talking about all of the long distance stuff on social media, it felt important to discuss. And this is gonna be such a big year, so please follow along my journey and follow me, Kim Merstein.
• 23:41
  And follow Excuse My Grandma because Grandma's gonna be giving all our 2¢ on everything. And please remember to follow the show if you're not already following or give five stars. It makes such a big difference. And comment if you know how to comment on the show. Let us know what you think.
• 23:57
  Wish me congrats if you want. And I'm really, really excited, so thank you for listening. And I love doing these solo episodes. Feels like very intimate and something I when I really wanna talk through something specific, I like love it. It feels so cathartic, so thank you.
• 24:14
  And I'll see you next time with Grandma.