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274. The 10 Mistakes You Might Be Making During Foreplay · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: It's the 10 mistakes you might be making during foreplay With Nick and Amy in the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast today.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I'm just smiling because you are pretty monotone for it being such an exciting topic.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Should I I?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: thought you'd be super excited about this one.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm totally excited.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you start out like super excited and I can tell you're like giddy about that topic.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm giddy about this topic.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a good topic.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I just a lot of these topics.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Like you know, I'm the one usually begging for more foreplay now Because, since we've got the ring, it's like let's pull that thing out.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Pull that thing out, let's get to business.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm I, yeah, I'm just laughing because a lot of these things I'm like I don't kind of they don't really apply to us anymore.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: They should, oh, that's because they're mistakes, that they're things that we are not doing good, that we need to work on everyone needs to work on this list is not like too much info.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: It's, it's it's a good list.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: It's a good list.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I think that everybody can be like I'm going to work harder on that one and they are things that we all do, they are mistakes that we all do.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Because I was reading through, I'm like yeah, done that, done that, done that, done that, or or still do that or still do that and these things aren't just all physical.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: This is going to make sexual intimacy more intimate, which is the entire goal.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: That's why we talk about it right.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: We want our marriage and our intimate life to be more connecting and more intimate, and that's where foreplay really comes in.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: That really needs to be.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: The main aspect of it is really connecting and uniting and and.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: If foreplay, if foreplay is done right, that really should be like the most.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Um well, how do I say that?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Should be like the best part of sexual intimacy it can be, it really can be like I.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: There are times that I'm like I love the foreplay for a half hour, 45 minutes, whatever.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: And although we always say foreplay starts in the morning, it's all the little things that you do all day long that creates that connection and excitement and unity.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: You know we are.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: This podcast episode is definitely more the aspect of making love part of foreplay not the emotional connection during the day, because we talk about that all the time, so this one really is focusing on the foreplay when it comes to sexual intimacy let's dive in everyone's like.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Why are you guys hobnobbing and talking too much?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Let's get into this list.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Um, we're gonna start out with the biggest mistake.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Well, not the biggest.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest mistakes is not having the right mindset.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Why do you think that?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Well, I should ask myself this, because it's usually women have to get in the right mindset for good foreplay I was gonna say I've never not within the right mindsets.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I'm sure most men would say that as well.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Most men, but we're like, think of how many comments we're getting lately of higher drive wives.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So it is some men.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I know, but for a lot of men like we, could go from zero to the right mindset in one second.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Like you want to make love.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yep, yep, yep, I'm done.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Whenever you're in the middle of it.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I totally forgot that I was just fixing the car or doing whatever.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Fixing the car good one.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Um, I think this one's really important for a wife, because if you're not positive about foreplay, well okay, so let's take a certain scenario on this one.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I'm guilty of this, like okay, let's just, I'm tired, let's get it over with.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I'm so guilty of that.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Like there are some nights where I'm like, do we really need a foreplay?
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: like just pull out the toilet I'll be in the mood in 30 seconds.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Can I give you a back massage?
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: no, no, no, let's just do it just well and I and I, you know, I mean, I'm not gonna argue, I'll take what I can get right, like, but that's see, that's the whole mindset, like it shouldn be, like I'll take what I can get, Like we have, that's what we're trying to fix in marriage, right?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Like we're trying to make it.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Like both people want it and are into it.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: So Nick always laughs when I'm like oh, I don't want a massage first, I want it after, because you put me to sleep and then I got to wake up and do the thing you know.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And like, wait what so?
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Well, what usually happens might be a little selfish on his part.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Well, what usually happens is after she's like, ah, I don't need a massage, I'm like okay, that's good for you, right well, I'm happy to give you a massage before.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Well, either way, oh the conversations the conversation, the conversations okay.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: So getting in the right mindset is something that you can do all day long.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: So if you know this is the great thing about scheduling sex is mindset is something that you can do all day long.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So if you know, this is, the great thing about scheduling sex is if you know that you're going to be intimate that night, the foreplay like starts entertaining your mind during the day.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Right, and you can get in the right mindset.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: You can start out with lingerie, whatever that looks like exactly right, yeah right, I guess you have nothing else to say on that.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: No, I was in the right mindset.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: The second you said getting in the right mindset.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, which leads me to the second mistake is not having any anticipation.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: That's important right.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Foreplay, I feel like foreplay is anticipation.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Well, anticipation brings you into the foreplay.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I guess is the right way to say it, because foreplay, yes, it is physical, it's the things you do to get aroused in that sense, right?
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Agreed.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: How can we?
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: anticipate it better in marriage.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Well that's where, like scheduling versus being like totally spontaneous, like should we make love right now?
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Like scheduling it can build the anticipation Right, Like oh, we talk about this all the time, but I actually really like, if you say, hey, we're going to make love tonight, like I'm anticipating it the whole day.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, right, so that anticipation builds up, I'm excited.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of preparing Right, and hopefully you are as well too, and we're like getting excited for that.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: So and fortunately should I.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know like.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: I think the whole reason we're trying to do what we're doing is trying to get women, or the lower drive spouse, to anticipate and want to be intimate like to desire to be, intimate more, right so, and I would say this is a mistake that a lot of people make is there's no anticipation that, like the husband will, at 930, 10 at night, just out of nowhere.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Hey, you want to make love, and so there's no, there's no buildup, there's no preparing for it.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: It kind of catches a lot of women off guard, and I think a lot of women don't like that.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Right, they don't like to be caught off guard, um, or to be not prepared, so to speak right.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: The next mistake that people make is not asking your spouse what they like during foreplay, like not communicating and talking about that.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: That is so important.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guilty of that.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: It is important because oftentimes we assume this is what they're going to want and most of the time I would say about that, that is so important.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guilty of that.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: It is important because oftentimes we assume this is what they're gonna want and most of the time I would say it probably isn't what you want.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Like I know for us, even in our marriage, like there's a lot of times I'm like start doing something.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: You're like ah, touch me here.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It's hard to get to that point though, like it took us like 15 years to be able to say that Like a lot of time, kind of just like move your hand or something or move you, but like it's hard to be like no, that doesn't feel good, or I really like this or I really wish you would touch me there.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I think for the majority of couples that's probably pretty common.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, to just be able to talk about that right, open communication.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, touch me there, don't touch me there.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I don't like that.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Ooh, yeah, baby.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Be vocal, be vocal.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I really love that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: When you love that, when you touch me there or when you touch me like that, be vocal.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's a big mistake, right?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: yeah, yep, the next one is and maybe I don't- know, is this for the same for a husband spending too much time in one?
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: on one area.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: So I want to back up, I want to, okay, do like a dr seuss, you can touch me here, you can touch me there, you can touch me anywhere it doesn't say that, dr seuss, no way no, I know it doesn't.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I'm saying that's my dr seuss oh, you created that.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, wait what I?
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: sorry so sorry where were you um?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: touch me.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I was gonna say yeah, you can touch me here, you can touch me here, there, you can touch me anywhere.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: So what you're saying, if that's not a mistake, it doesn't matter to a man where you touch him, I may get a joke.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we as men like there's certain places we like to be touched more too.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: But the comment was giving too much attention to one area.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, correct.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Can that happen for a man?
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Like, if you grab my ankle, it's probably not going to be great for me.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Nick has no idea what I'm saying right now.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm sorry, go ahead.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Giving too much attention to one area.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly Not touching the wrong area.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: We're saying too much focus in one body part.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Does that apply to a man, yes or no?
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: It does.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I want you to explore.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I want you to be like Columbus and just explore my whole body.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, he says yes For a wife.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be more serious than Nick on this topic.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: If you spend too much time on the clitoris like I'm not saying that not to focus on the clitoris but if you're touching it wrong or too much pressure or too direct stimulation, it can hurt and I'm sure guys the same way, right like it has to be, like a specific way sensation yeah, pressure all those things right yeah, a lot of times while we're in foreplay or making love, like we're adjusting and you know moving.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Well, what brings you back to not asking your spouse what they like or not talking about it?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Enough too right, Because if you just Assuming.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Assuming.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: So that's why it's so important, like if it's too sensitive, if there's too much pressure, too hard, fast, all those things.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I don't really want to get into that, but giving one area too much like okay, I'm gonna give a personal example.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: That's not too it, not too much information.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Keep it g-rated.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: It's g-rated like nick will start massaging my body, sometimes during a movie, and he'll like rub my shoulder and then like 10 minutes later I'm like you're still rubbing the same place and he doesn't realize it and then my skin starts getting all sensitive and I'm like you're like, uh, stop touching me, like make your way around me.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's usually like stop touching me and I'm like, oh, okay, I don't say it like that.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: You can say it nice get your hands off of me you can say, hey, that feels so good, maybe you could bring it down my arm.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: So if you're talking about areas, same kind of thing, it's the way you say it, it's the way you communicate it.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: But like, hey, that's getting a little sensitive.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Hey, can you just move over an inch?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: That feels really good now.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: That feels really good now it's about complimenting right Communication.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Going back to communication.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Communication.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, Next one having too high of expectations when it comes to foreplay.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: What does that look like, do you think?
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think having too high of expectations, believing that something's always going to just be amazing and feel amazing and be mind-blowing and perfect.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Wait, it's not always mind-blowing and perfect.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just joking.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Don't you agree that there's like sometimes, when we have foreplay, that it's amazing, and other times it's just like I don't feel nothing tonight, you know, oh yeah, for me for sure, for sure.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: So and that all comes back to also number one, which is mindset, right like there's some nights where I'm like it's just not amazing for me because my mind's a mess like I, just I'm distracted, I'm sorry I mean, I hate to admit that I've never had that happen, but okay.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about having too high expectations.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I think this is again where communication comes in, because, like for husbands, it's like doesn't that feel amazing?
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Did that massage turn you on?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Aren't you all ready now?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm like nope, got nothing that literally like felt really good, but that was not sexual for me.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes that happens right Like a husband's like touching you everywhere and massaging you.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: You're like no that literally just like relaxed me.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: It really put me in the mood and as a husband like we've talked about this before is I'm a physical touch guy when I'm touching my wife.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: That's turning me on, that is sexual, and so for I think for a lot of us men that that is foreplay.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: That's turning us on when we give our wife a massage, where maybe to our wife it's just like it just feels good.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Right, it just feels good.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Just a massage, which is fine.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: You can turn it more sexual, but that is going to take some talking, and this is what it's going to take for me to feel bad or whatever.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I think that we have to be careful with setting expectations.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Around sex and around foreplay, so okay.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: We talked about this other night.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: So Amy and I have set expectations, or we actually have no expectations in certain areas, and it has nothing to do with sex.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: But in life we've kind of decided Okay, in these certain areas we're going to have have zero expectations.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Nothing can be expected of me here.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Vice versa you're talking about other people and I'm talking about, like other family members and things like that when we said, when we set no expectations, things became way better.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes with like sexual intimacy and stuff where you don't have those high expectations or have those expectations set, I think a lot of times it can be more enjoyable and better because you don't have those expectations too high of them.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I think that you should always have certain expectations, like the sex should always be connecting, it should always feel loving, we should always train like making uniting like thoseiting Like healthy ones is what we're saying but not too high, not too high.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: But I think if you discuss those boundaries and stuff then naturally those lines are going to be crossed right.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, you're going to be in those confines.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: The next mistake that a lot of spouses make during foreplay is not using their hands enough.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Not using their hands enough, using their hands enough.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say you think there could be more physical touch during foreclay for sure, yeah, yeah, I like maybe and it might be like one spouse, that's like lacking in that versus not like probably both, like someone's probably touching well, I would say no, I think I like to bring that because you're not a physical touch type of person, right, so you don't use your hands much.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: And I've expressed sometimes like hey, I really wish you would touch me this way or touch me here, like I just really enjoy that.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, I think if you're not a physical touch person, naturally you're probably not going to be as touchy-feely.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Be as touchy-feely as touchy-feely where we as men like, honestly, like I'm a physical touch person, so I probably my hands are all over you yeah because I want to touch you, like that's what brings me joy, that's what's connecting to me.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: So, and I, I think, I think our love languages often go over into our sexual intimacy or even our foreplay, right.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: If some people are probably more like talking during foreplay and you know you're so beautiful and you're amazing and I love you, you know like words of affirmation, right, and other people are probably more physical touch.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So I think in some cases, like your love language also transpires to the bedroom, really bad words of affection, really bad at physical touch, and those are all the things mix is always doing during lovemaking.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: That I'm like really more.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: We stopped talking.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding, I'm joking, I'm joking, but some people I think you're dead on.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I think you're dead on.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, naturally it's just going to.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: So maybe what Nick's trying to point out is, if your spouse is doing that a lot and you're not good at it, maybe they need more of that.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Or talk about it right yeah well, obviously you need to talk about it.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, it right.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, obviously you need to talk about it, so okay, so I'm a physical touch.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: So again, a lot of times I assume oh, physical touch is amazing for me, why is it not amazing for her, or okay?
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I like.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: That's why it's just good to have those conversations.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Or again, look at your love language and then say how does this transpire?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Like amy's gifts.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: So I don't know necessarily how I could give a gift in a bedroom or foreplay, but um, you know we're cool.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Gifts on acts of service acts of service.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So I think I'm more acts of service than gifts.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: So I'm trying to provide an act of service in in the bedroom, Um, but that's maybe a little harder to relate to.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: That's why the massage after would be an extra service absolutely no reward after the reward or a thing of strawberries by the beds.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Raspberries, raspberries, yeah okay.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Next one makes me laugh because we just talked about it, which is talking too much during foreplay.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's too much I don't think about talking.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: I think complimenting and words affirmation are great okay, if you're like the like conversation yeah, no yeah, well, I think it depends on what you're talking about, like, if you're like oh, how'd you like the softball game today, babe?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: like while you're trying to make love, yeah that's not gonna work, like that's not gonna work, but communicating like how does that feel to you, babe?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're so hot you know like the right type of.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I just started laughing.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, You're so hot yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Why I haven't heard you laugh.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: When I tell you you're beautiful, I'm giggling.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You're giggling, Okay so if you're snickering, I know why.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I think you're right, though Compliments are great.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe carry on a conversation a little much during foreplay.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I think everyone's got their own things though, so if you want to talk and that works for you, go for it, right, yeah, we're all different.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: We're all different.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: We're all different.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe try, I don't know.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I was going to say try and keep it serious, but I'm like, maybe, like not making it serious is even more fun Sometimes I don't know Everyone's different, absolutely.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is a great list to go over with your spouse and be like yes or no?
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Do we make this mistake?
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Do we need more of this?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Do we need less of this?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Do I talk too much?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Do I touch too much?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: That's a great.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: It's a great conversation to have, right, okay, the next one is not spending enough time with the senses.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: The senses like it like not experimenting, like lights on life's up, lights off.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I agree um eyes closed.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Some people like blindfolds.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know Like I just close my eyes.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Touch.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: How do you smell Smells?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I'm the right smelling lubricant or oils, candles lighting in your bedroom, I don't know, just focusing on I mean that's.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Those are a great way to like switch things up.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Like you don't always have to be like we have to like try different stuff all the time to switch things up, to make it exciting, like you can use your senses like massage, different oils, different lotions like all those kind of things.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, make a big difference, like we have a lubricant massage oil all in one that we really have found in life which we're going to share soon yeah but it smells really good and it's like oh that smells awesome.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Like I, I want to smell your body.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I think that's really important is not realize.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I think the mistake here is not realizing that playing around with the different senses and really focusing on that sometimes can switch things up with your foreplay, yeah, and make things a lot better, for sure.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, next one, and I know we did a podcast recently on this, but not kissing enough.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I agree, agree, totally agree, agree.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: We're talking during foreplay the buildup, the arousal like whatever.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: I love kissing.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope most people do.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: There's some people that don't love it it and there's reasons for maybe why.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: But breath mints, brushing your teeth before making sure your hygiene is good, is there's some about like making out?
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: together, like I think I expressed in that podcast, in kissing like it kind of brings you back to like when you were dating or I bet most people kissed a lot.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, we did yeah, and it does when I kiss.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: It's like it kind of brings out excitement and brings us back to like when we were dating and makes me feel like we're still young and you know 48 is young.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I'm totally still young.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that, Totally agree with that.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: The next one is giving up or getting frustrated after trying something.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Once I think it's really I think in our marriage we've tried something, hated it and then tried it again.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh, work that time.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Like I think, it's really important to be patient with the things you're trying, to be patient with each other and to not try things a couple times where you're like I hate that, do you think?
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I do yeah, because there's definitely been some things.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: We've tried that at first, like ah, it's okay, and then?
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: We've tried again, all right, oh yeah, that's that worked, that worked and some nights and that happens some nights too like some nights, a certain way or whatever might not be that enjoyable, and another night it might be so yeah, and sometimes the thing that you absolutely love doesn't even work one night and you're like wait, that's our go-to right.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: So I think it's just important to realize that, when it comes to sexual intimacy and foreplay, we have to remember that it's always going to be different.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Our mind's always going to be in a different place.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Touch feels different all the time right.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: It's about the journey.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: It's about the journey together.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: This one is a shocker to me that a lot of men don't understand, and some women too.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I think a big mistake is not starting out with lubricant earlier, and we had this conversation with some people we knew a while back and the husband was like wait, wait, I, I didn't even know that lubricant was something you would just pull out automatically, like I thought it was just like when if you need it when her body wasn't like yeah, like as a last resort, the way it's supposed to right amy, amy, literally says before we do anything, you pull out the lubricant like, but it's amazing, though, when we put pull that out first.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: First, it makes things way more uh enjoyable for her and a lot quicker, right like I can notice the difference like if we have lubricant it can get her in the mood really quick, versus not having it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Like it really does work or play feel better.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: So everything, okay.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: How do I do this without being too graphic?
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Everything feels better during intimate time if it's slipperier, slipper, slipperier, slipperier slipperier, yeah got it, and so I think it's like if you haven't tried that, if you always wait for her body to like kind of start doing its thing and lubricating on its own, you might be missing out on it feeling better sooner by just starting out with lubricant, and a lot of people need lubricant because their body doesn't produce it absolutely, absolutely.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And your body can produce it faster naturally if you start out with it.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: So there's just a lot of.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: We're not going to get into all the benefits of lubricant, but I think that's like just trying and we have a great product coming out but we're gonna announce starting out with a lubricant down there can make everything start start feeling better faster I don't know how else to say it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, and I would say, like I said every time before we even start, and it's like put the lubricant on first, like it's like a first step.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: It is kind of a first step, yeah, that put the lubricant on first, it's like a first step it is kind of a first step.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: That's at least what works for us.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It's not a mistake.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: It's not a mistake if you haven't or haven't done this.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: It'll just make things more enjoyable right away.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, try it.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: If you haven't tried it, maybe you'll be glad that you did.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: We kind of mentioned this one, but not using massage as foreplay.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Like I, I think people don't realize the benefits.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: How great body massage, naked body massage, together can really be a huge jump start into foreplay we a big must for in our marriage.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we love it.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we love it, we love it.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: And the next mistake that some couples make when it comes to foreplay is not realize how important foreplay is, especially to a wife.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: We're talking about bedroom foreplay, but like if a man is like trying to rush, being intimate and doesn't understand not even understand how important it is but how amazing it is for your marriage and how really that can be like the main course of intimacy, I think that's just important to remember.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: So I think so again, I've talked about this before, but I think for a lot of women it's frustrating.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: They're like you know.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: I know it takes me 30 to 45 minutes to get in the mood, and that's just so long.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: And again we found products that can speed up that process dramatically.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: And so there's nights that we have the foreplay, which takes a process dramatically, and so there's nights that we have the foreplay, which takes a longer time.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: And then there's nights where it's like you know what A little tired tonight.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Let's just we know that this can turn her on immediately, and sometimes we do it that way.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: The foreplay can be 30 seconds to 5 minutes Instead of 45 minutes.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: So the great thing is Like I said, there are products out there.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: And, like I said, there are products out there and you should definitely have that as an option.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: So it's not always like your wife is feeling like, oh, it just takes me 30 to 45 minutes all the time.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: There are solutions to that.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: So you can kind of determine, hey, how are we feeling tonight or how are we feeling this morning, and determine what kind of lovemaking you're going to have in foreplay.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Right, 100%.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how to answer that.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: The know the most important thing.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Bottom line is that you're making love and connecting like there's sometimes it's going to be a quickie, there's sometimes there's going to be a lot of foreplay, but you gotta, you gotta be connecting in that way, um 100, which is vital so just remember that foreplay can literally be the main course over the orgasm.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: That's where you really are connecting and enjoying it and that's where the pleasure really builds up, and we need to spend more time enjoying that in our marriages.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: And if night is hard and you're like I'm literally too tired, then go back and listen to our episode on benefits to make love in the morning and, yeah, hopefully that helps.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so hopefully you can stop making some of these mistakes, make less mistakes and have much better foreplay in your relationship.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: So that's all we have for today.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: Go check out our products at shopultimateintimacycom.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: That's shopultimateintimacycom, that's our new jingle.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, let us know if you have any questions.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: And until next time, we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.