Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #361 Best Of - Playful Parenting

Transcript

#361 Best Of - Playful Parenting · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Gooday. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: books about raising happy families and the founder of Happy
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot au. Here with Kylie, my wife,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: podcast co host and mum to our six daughters. Because
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: at school holidays we are sharing with you podcast conversations
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: that matter. We think that this one is going to
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: be really important.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: School holidays is a great chance for us to reconnect
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: with our kids and practice the art of playful parenting.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Woo.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: It's all about creating space for playfulness, mindset, and intention.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: once answers mew.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: that's fun, that brings you joy.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: and dad.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite game in the car?
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I don't have a favorite game in the car.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I like to eat in the car? Is that why
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: there's always crumbs? Everything?
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I like to sing?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, singing is good. Singing is fun. Singing is playful.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: What about I spy?
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Though surely you like I spy, don't get me started
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: with I spy.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: You don't like to play though, do you?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: It doesn't come very naturally to me, if that's what
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: you're asking.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So this is something that I've discovered as
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: I watch parents. Actually we should introduce ourselves. For those
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: who are new to the podcast. I'm justin Grench. I've
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: written six books about raising happy families, and you are.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: I'm Kylie and I missus happy family who.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Doesn't like to play games?
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Oh you're hilarious.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Actually you do like playing games, but I do.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I love playing Quirkle and I love playing blocks. They're
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: all bright colors.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I love they're competitive. You like to destroy our children's
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: self esteem is demolish so bad. So today we're talking
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: about playful households because something that I've noticed about parents
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: is that we don't often look like we're having fun
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: when we're with our kids. When you watch parents in
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the shopping, and it's probably unfair because shops. Kids hate shops.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know any parent who loves taking their kids
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: to the shops.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know any child who likes going to the shops.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And that's that's the kind of the reason that was unfair.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: But even at the park, a lot of parents look bored,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: they don't want to be with their kids, and I reckon,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: we need to talk about how to have fun, how
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: to have a more playful family environment.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Well that all sounds really, you know, dandy, but the
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: reality is life's hard. I just think about the person
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: who comes home, whether it's mum or dad or both.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: You've been at work all day and you get home
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: and you just want to have a few minutes of downtime.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and with COVID you don't even get that because
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: coming home means leaving the study and walking into the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: living room. There's no time to decompress like it's on
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: and then and then every.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Single person, whether it be your spouse or your partner
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: or your children ever, everybody wants a piece of you.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: And you just want to decompress after the day that
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: you've had and compartmentalize everything. And you don't get that.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: And so how are you supposed to be playful with
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: all of that?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, it is hard to be
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: playful because not only have you got to try to
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: find the ability to smile and joke around and have
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: a nice time with people, but you're also juggling this
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: really significant issue of the cooking needs to be done,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: the cleaning needs to be done, and everything needs to
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: be ready for tomorrow, and there's loads of washing to
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: put on or take out of the dryer. So there's
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: a lot going on. And yet we know that kids
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: who have high quality playtime with their parents are more resilient,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: they learn better boundaries, they have a higher level of
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: connectedness and relatedness. Being playful at home is one of
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the easiest things that we can do to build connection.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Fill the relationship bucket full of water, that gorgeous stuff
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: that makes everyone feel so good about life. And I reckon,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: as hard as it is, and we should acknowledge that
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: as you have it's really important for parents to get
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: reminders you'll need to be playful. So I reckon, we
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: should have a conversation about how we can be more playful.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: And there's three things that I think we need. Number One, margin.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Oh really, what's margin?
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: that's fun, that brings you joy. So we need margin margin.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: What's your point? I feel like you're kind of digging
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: the knife in in a passive aggressive way and trying.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: To injure me here, what's maybe? What are you saying,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone else will work it out.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: What are you saying?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Come on, I don't think we have a lot of
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: margin in our lives.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, So six kids, a business, a podcast, blah blah
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. But we can still have a sense
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: of time affluence, can't we?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Sure if you follow me while you have a conversation
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: as I clean the house and.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Help with that thing too. So the first thing is margin,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: and I reckon we need to be really intentional about that,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: which is the second thing. Margin requires intention So if
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: we're going to be playing with our kids, we have
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: to be intentional about not just being playful, but intentional
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: about creating the margins so that we've got the headspace
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: to play without being stressed and saying, oh, for goodness,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: ex we haven't got time for this, go to bit.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you a question then, around
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: that intention, did you feel very playful when the roof
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: fell in?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Well, there are times to be playful, and there are
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: times to pick up the damage that's caused by a
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: bath that has overflowed into the TV room downstairs, and
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: cause the sea.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Life is hard and whether it's the ceiling caving in,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: there is stuff going on all the time, and his parents,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: it can be really really hard to find the right mindset.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, so two things about that though. First of all,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: people's roofs don't fall in every day, even metaphorically. And secondly,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: we have started laughing about it now that we're a
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: few days down the track and we've realized that it's
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: only going to cost a couple of thousand dollars and
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: not the jillion dollars that we thought it was going
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: to be. Even though that's a horrible thing to have
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: to go through, we're at the and now where we
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: can yeel about it and it's funny. The third thing
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: we need if we're going to have a playful household
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: is margin, intention and mindset. We've actually got to have
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: the mindset that life is fun, that life is to
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: be enjoyed, and that our family relationships can be playful
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: and enjoyable. Now, I don't think that sarcasm is playful.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I think sarcasm is usually rood and unkind. But we
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: can be playful in our relationships with the right margin,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: the right mindset, and the right intention. Let's talk about
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: what that looks like in practice. Right after the break.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: dot com dot au slash shop.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: are talking about what a playful household looks like thinking
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: about this and thinking about our Mother's Day disaster, and
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering whether or not you could have actually invited
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: everybody down so they could have had a water fight.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: That would have been playful, that.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Would have been breathakingly playful. I wish, I wish that
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I'd done that. See now I'm feeling bad for being
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: a big grump and saying Mother's Day's ruined because somebody's
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: flooded the bathroom and the rest of the house.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, but It's also a great opportunity to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: learn to be better. So next time we do flood
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: the house, we'll have a water fight. Okay, that's my
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: promise to you. I or replay something to you.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: You ready, Oh, hi there and welcome to Minisula water
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: Salads that aren't really salads. Today's ingredients for snicker salad.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: In Minnesota, Snickers and apples can make a salad. I
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: never said it was healthy. If you want to make
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: the salad extra Minnesotan use honeycrisp apples, which were developed
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: at the University of Minnesota in nineteen sixty. Mix one
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: package of vanilla pudding into one cup of buttermilk. Chop
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: eat apples.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Add your chopped apples to the pudding.
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: Lots of recipes se to take the skins up, but
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: I see, leave the mind because where else are we
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: getting fiber in our diet. Chop your snickers? How many
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: snickers you ask? Measure that with your heart. Fall in
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: at least one type of cool it. But if you
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: have too many apples, you'll need two tups. And there
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: you have it, Snickers salad. And yes, they also use
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: milky wab because I think it tastes like a coramel apple.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: When it's all done, it does.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Sound like fun. A Snickers salad.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: That sounds like I've got Cinderella in my kitchen.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So better? How playful? Right? How much fun? You know what?
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I really loved on Instagram in the last week or so,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: maybe the last two weeks. Hamish Blake. He's got this
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: tradition and it's brilliant. It's not as crazy, scary horrible
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: as a Minnesota salad that Snickers and apples with extra
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: fiber if you leave the skin on. What is going
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: on there? But Hamish Blake made a commitment to one
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: of his kids that every single year he would bake
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: that child whatever cake he wanted.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: He clearly doesn't have six children.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: No he doesn't, he has two. But he promised that
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: he would bake the cake for the birthday every single year,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: whatever cake the kid wants. And this year the cake
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: took Hamish. He created this Pokemon thing that opens and closes.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It does so manually, and it's in a bottle of jello,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and there's cake, and there's there's just stuff everywhere. He
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: was up until one am. He started at seven pm,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: finished at one am. Consumed a surprising him out of
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: alcohol while he was doing it to get through the night,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I think, but I just thought, here's this guy. Now,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: obviously he's a comedian and everyone in Australia knows Hamish
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Blake is. He's one of our most loved comedians and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: he's also clearly a really devoted that and if you
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: follow on Instagram you'd see that. But we talk about
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: playfulness and if you go through those three things that
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I was talking about, margin, Hamish Blake has created the
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: margin that he needs to bake the cake every single year,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: no matter what it takes. Intention he's really intentional about
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: being playful. And third, he's got a mindset that says
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I'm here for my kids and I want their lives
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: to be joy and fun. Now that takes the cake,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: can I say that you're so bad?
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: So bad?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: But what I love about that story is that all
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: of us can do our own version of that in
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: our homes. It doesn't have to involve ovens and icing
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: mixture and pokemon or anything like that.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: But I'd like to see you take that one on.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I'm going to bake a cake this weekend. Okay, let's see.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's going to be fancy. It's going
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: to come a straight out of a packet. But I'll
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: bake a cake just to prove that I can, and
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: then I'm going to eat it in front of you.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Oh is that right?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: To prove that I can bake a cake, I might
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: share some of it with you. So let's talk about
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: some ways that we can be playful in our homes.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: What do you reckon? Well, look, you've set me up
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: The unplayful person in our family.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, let me ask you a question, then prove
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: me wrong. When was the last time that you played
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: any kind of wrestling game with the kids.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to wrestle with the kids. Do you
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: know how much I'm spending with my exercise physiologists to
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: get my neck and shoulders.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Or back to normal? Okay?
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: They told me I had a cheeseboard for a back.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I rest my case a cheese for a bit.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I'm supposed to have cheese spine, but I have a
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: cheeseboard spine.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Who says that I don't know? So, but you're not
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: playful because you don't rest the kids, right, No, that's
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: not true. Okay, tell me when you play with the kids, Well,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: we put.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: The music on really loud in the mornings when you're
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: off gallivanting around the country size I don't know, surfing,
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: or whatever else you do at that early hour of
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: the morning, we put the music up really loud and
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: we dance. You should see Emily's moves. Awesome.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, so, but do you dance or do you just
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: send the musical also dance?
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Where do you think they got their moves from?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Not one of us can dance? All right, Well, that
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: kind of takes care of my first three things that
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I had on my list. Music, dancing, and singing. They're
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: great ways for us to play with our kids.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: I rest my case.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, what else have you got on your list for
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: how we can be more playful?
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Look, I think one of the most favorite things that
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I love doing is when we break the rules.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, tell me more about that.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Well, we have certain rules. The kids go to bed
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: at seven point thirty.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: We don't watch a TV if they do not You
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: makes us sound so perfect. When was the last time
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: our kids went to bed at side I'm saying our kids,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying, you have rules.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I've got and seven thirty might be a time frame
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: that some people put their children to beds, or you
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: might you might have a rule that you eat a
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: maine meal before you have dessert, yes, Or you might
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: have a rule that you don't watch TV on school nights.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Anything like, we've all got rules.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: And you're seeing you can be more playful if you
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: break the rules. Yeah.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, How cool is it when your kids come home
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: from school and you go, you know what, We're going
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: to have a movie night tonight. And I know we
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: usually eat at the dinner table, but we're going to
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: have dinner in front of the TV.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I'm still going to argue that a movie not it's
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the best way to be playful, but I take your point.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: It's great to do that. One of my favorite ways
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to be playful is we play this game with the kids.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I know you hate it because it destroys your beautifully
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: made bed every time we play this game called push
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: d off the bed. It started when our eldest was
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: our only child and she was only a couple of
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: years old and she started trying to push me off
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: the bed one day and that turned into a game
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and has been going for twenty years. And I usually
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: get injured. I need to go and see a messouge
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: so hire a practor the bed takes an absolute hammering
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: as well. But we pushed that off the bed, and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: then once I'm off the bed, the kids jump on
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: and I've got to get all of them off the
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: bed at the same time, which is getting increasingly difficult,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: the older and bigger that they get. But playfulness goofing
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: off the intention, the mindset and having the margin for it.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: These are some ideas that maybe will help your family
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: to be a little more playful tonight.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I think we can be really playful tonight if
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: you organize dinner.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll tell you what donuts for dinner. Oh yes, done,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: will break the rules and we'll sing really loud while
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: we're eating them. We really hope you've enjoyed the podcast.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: We have so much fun playing around with these ideas
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and sharing them with you. We will not be talking
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: about Minnesota salads ever. Again. Snickers and apples should never
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: be combined in the same recipe.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: I think that sounds really good. Of course you do,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: just not with donuts.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to make that for your cake
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: this weekend. That's a guarantee. Thanks so much for listening tomorrow.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: A Q and A from one of our listeners via
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: podcasts at Happy families dot com dot U. Michelle wants
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: to know about how to help her eight year old
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: with some body image issues and I can't wait for
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Wednesday Maggie Dent talking about raising boys. It's going to
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: be a conversation that I'm really really looking forward to.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Maggie's a superstar when it comes to talking about boys,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: and that's coming up then. The Happy Families podcast is
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: our executive producer and if you want more info about
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: how to make your family happier, what we have to
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: do is jump onto Facebook Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: or visit our website where we can get all the
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: info you need Happy families dot com dot au