Latest / Romancing the Threshold / Which Door Is Yours?

Transcript

Which Door Is Yours? · Romancing the Threshold

• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, and welcome back.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: In my last episode,
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Your Bookshelf is Your Grimoire,
• 0:29
  I shared the origin story of how I got started in this whole
• 0:33
  business of reading
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: romance novels as a shadow work,
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: as medicine,
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: not just for us as individuals,
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: but also for the collective.
• 0:45
  And I shared the story of how my master's thesis on romantic
• 0:48
  comedies became a spell of
• 0:52
  And it became the ritual in which I worked and I lived it and
• 0:57
  what came of that.
• 0:59
  And I also touched on a little bit about my cave year of
• 1:03
  navigating grief and
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: burnout and how during that year I read 131 romance novels,
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: a bit like Alice in Wonderland,
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: just going through the tunnel and ending up in a different world.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And in doing that, it reawakened that original spell of my thesis.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I also found as I was reading,
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: probably by book 50,
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: that I was kind of reading the books with a certain framework.
• 1:33
  And that had three levels,
• 1:35
  which is what I talked about in the last episode.
• 1:37
  Level one,
• 1:38
  where you read for the pleasure,
• 1:40
  for the plot,
• 1:41
  for the enjoyment.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Level two,
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: when you're exploring your personal psychology,
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: what's healing for you in that story,
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: in the book you're reading.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then I touched on a little bit about the collective dream,
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: which I like to call it the third level of reading.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if you haven't listened to that episode yet, it's there for you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it includes the whole process of working with these three questions,
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: level one,
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: two and three,
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: to bring it to your own practice of reading,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: something that you can try tonight to anything that you're reading.
• 2:13
  But today I want to go a little deeper,
• 2:16
  not so much into the three levels.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: But what I've been discovering for myself,
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: and I want to bring this to you,
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: about what romance novels are actually doing underneath the genre,
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: underneath the tropes,
• 2:32
  underneath the pleasure and the pretty covers and everything
• 2:35
  that goes with that,
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: there's something more.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because the more I read these books,
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: the more I pay attention,
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: not just to the stories,
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: but to the patterns across the stories.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I notice which tropes keep surging,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: what dynamics keep showing up,
• 2:53
  and what kinds of heroes and heroines that millions of people
• 2:57
  keep reaching for.
• 2:59
  And here's a few things that I wanted to share with you from
• 3:02
  what I've been observing.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, these are not just for entertainment preferences.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to think of them.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I want you to invite you to think of them more than that.
• 3:15
  It's much more than just the trope,
• 3:18
  much more than just the entertainment.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to think of these as doors.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the forbidden doors,
• 3:27
  specific doors that our culture has taught women in general to
• 3:32
  keep closed or to
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: open very carefully.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And these are aspects of ourselves that we are trained to hide,
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: to suppress,
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: to apologize,
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: to forget,
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: to not even touch.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're forbidden in many respects.
• 3:49
  For some countries and cultures and ways of living,
• 3:53
  these are completely forbidden.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel that romance novels,
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: because they work under the radar of,
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: if you will,
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: literature,
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: it's not as respected.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So without any planning,
• 4:10
  when you're reading romance novels beneath the surface of just
• 4:14
  entertainment,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: these doors keep opening up,
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: keep reopening,
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: or they crack something open.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And like I was saying, I like to call these the five forbidden doors.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so today I want to explore these five doors.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to push you through them.
• 4:31
  I want you just to invite you to take a peek and see what's on
• 4:34
  the other side.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just enough for you to recognize which door perhaps has your name on it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before we go into the doors, I want to set something up here.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about the monster.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And not only because the monster, it's not for everybody.
• 4:57
  Not many people actually read monster romance novels,
• 5:00
  but it's a growing subgenre.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the one that really took me in.
• 5:06
  I wasn't expecting it,
• 5:07
  but I found myself reading more monster romance than anything
• 5:11
  else.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I...
• 5:14
  I think it has to do perhaps with Beauty and the Beast being my
• 5:18
  favorite fairy tale
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: and always liking and working with mythology and fairy tales as well.
• 5:26
  I think there's something already for me personally that
• 5:29
  already calls to the monster.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But this can also come into the paranormal romance,
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: the dark romance,
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: which is a very,
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: it's a big and growing subgenre of romance.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: In all of these, the key element, I would say simplistically, is that...
• 5:46
  The main masculine character,
• 5:49
  the main hero in general,
• 5:52
  isn't a polished,
• 5:54
  beautiful hero.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: He's not a polished prince.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: He is something much wilder, something much closer to instinct.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: It is something that doesn't fit the rule of polite culture and society.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's usually what we're taught to run from.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And yet it keeps attracting many of us to read these stories.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's an allure to the monster.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a quality to these monstrous heroes in which the heroine,
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: the main female character in general,
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: kind of stops every time.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what I find also interesting,
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: the first thing,
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: when I really was reading,
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was really into,
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: I discovered myself like deep into monster romance.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I started asking myself, what is it about monster romance?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one thing that stood out to me was that...
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't have the same particular male gaze we see in our culture.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The male gaze that consumes, appraises, dissects.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was something else entirely.
• 7:00
  Not that perhaps it didn't have,
• 7:02
  it wasn't peppered with that,
• 7:03
  but it was something more wild.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what I saw in the monsters that I read,
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: it was something about their gaze that says,
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I see all of you.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I see your rage.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I see your hunger.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: your beauty, and your shadow.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I am not flinching.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling you to get smaller to fit into a certain box.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I am not consuming you.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not dissecting you.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not asking you to edit yourself.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that you are is what I'm here for.
• 7:38
  In general,
• 7:39
  that's what I was picking up from the Mosse Romance,
• 7:41
  and that piqued my curiosity.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So,
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's something to be said about that monster gaze,
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: which is different than the male gaze.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: It sees the heroine whole, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's an element there that it's hitting a certain nerve.
• 8:01
  And also what impressed me is that unlike when I read Beauty
• 8:05
  and the Beast as a
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: child,
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: the beast doesn't transform into a polished prince.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: It stays beast.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's an interesting element.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that hitting a certain nerve?
• 8:20
  Another element that I saw with the monster gaze is you're not
• 8:24
  just being desired,
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: you're being witnessed.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a gaze that is unflinching, reverent, primal.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it is the key that opens the five doors.
• 8:37
  Because each of these doors guards something that our culture
• 8:40
  has told women to hide.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the monster is the first thing that helps crack these doors open.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go to the doors.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Five doors, five parts of the self that have been locked away.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So let's walk up to the first one.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So door number one, the body as it is.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: The first door is the body.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is not the body as a project,
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: the one that you need to improve,
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: tone,
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: shrink,
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: smooth,
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: optimize.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is the body as it is right now without any negotiation.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: So as we know,
• 9:20
  our culture has taught women that our bodies are to be an
• 9:24
  endless work in progress.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's never really acceptable as is or never really quite there.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's never enough, right?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we have internalized this endless renovation projects, right?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: It really kicks in, a full start around puberty, and it never stops.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: We keep going.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing is that I see in romance novels,
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: especially with the monster ones,
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: that when you walk up to the door,
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: the monster's like,
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: whoa,
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: whoa,
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: whoa,
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: stop right there.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about you tweaking yourself.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's about you as you are.
• 10:01
  And the other part that I thought I've noticed as I read these
• 10:05
  books is that the
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: desire arrives without conditions,
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: right?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: The monster hero here doesn't desire the heroine despite her body.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: He desires because of it, but as it is.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not the curated version,
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: not the filtered version,
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: not the plastic surgery version,
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: the real one.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then as in preparation for my program that I'm launching now,
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: The Forbidden Doors,
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I asked through a question at various women's a series of questions,
• 10:40
  and some of the answers have been quite illuminating in
• 10:43
  relationship to this door.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: One of the women said that every time, well, in general, let me go back.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: In general,
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: I asked them,
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: how does the body react when they're reading the books,
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: when they're approaching the books?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So we started at that sort of surface level at first.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of them said the same thing.
• 11:05
  The cover,
• 11:06
  the colors,
• 11:07
  the vibe of the design,
• 11:09
  the beauty of the cover,
• 11:11
  the energy it gives off.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the attraction.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: The body responds to the cover.
• 11:18
  And another one even noticed that her own collection of books
• 11:22
  has kind of a pattern of its own.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's often nature scenes on the covers.
• 11:27
  And she sort of chooses them before she knows consciously why
• 11:31
  she's choosing them.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: She's reaching for these books with the body, not with the mind.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is an interesting point.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: The body is choosing.
• 11:42
  And then if you want to go a little deeper than just how you
• 11:44
  choose the book...
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about what happens inside the story.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So as I was saying, the monster doesn't apologize for his body.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: He's not concerned about the heroine's body.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's taking as it is.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: No tweaks needed.
• 12:02
  But what's interesting about the monster is that he moves
• 12:04
  through the world fully
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: inhabiting his form.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: He has no shame, no editing, no shrinking.
• 12:11
  In general,
• 12:12
  of course it depends on subplot,
• 12:13
  but in general that's what I see.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So when he meets the heroine, he's not asking her to shrink either.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: He wants all of her.
• 12:22
  And so I think there's an element with door number one that
• 12:25
  brings in the body.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: That as you're reading these books for hours and hours,
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: book after book,
• 12:33
  I believe that our own bodies start to remember what it feels
• 12:38
  like to take up space
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: without apology.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I have found that romance as a genre is very embodied.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it puts you in the body.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you feel through the body.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the story sort of models that ease,
• 12:55
  but also how we relate to the story in the book itself or the
• 12:58
  Kindle or the cover.
• 13:01
  It is also teaching us to come back to the body and the body
• 13:05
  learns through the
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: story what the mind has been arguing for so many years,
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: but the body is preeminent here.
• 13:14
  So if this door calls to you and if you keep reaching for these
• 13:17
  stories where the
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: heroine is desired fiercely without apology,
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: exactly as she is,
• 13:25
  then your psyche might be telling you something about what
• 13:28
  you're really needing or
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: perhaps you're ready to recognize and negotiate now.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So door number two.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love door number two.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a very key one.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And door number two is rage.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Rage unleashed.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: As we know, women's anger is not taken as seriously.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's not respected.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're supposed to be diminishing our anger, right?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's the most policed of our emotions in our culture.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: We are allowed to be sad.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's very fine.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Acceptable.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: We can be even attractive.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Fair enough.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are allowed to be anxious.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty relatable.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: But rage, fury, that kind of anger that wants to burn something down.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's dangerous.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is hysterical.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It is too much.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And yet,
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: if you look at what's surging in the romance you're on right now,
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: especially with dark romance,
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: the heroines are the ones who fight back.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: They don't just endure, they rage.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's become even a trope, right?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the heroes, their counterparts, don't calm them down.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: They don't utter the disrespectful sentence, calm down.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're very clear.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: who is in the room when she's in fury mode and they don't leave.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: They may be protective.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: They may even be possessive.
• 14:57
  They may be even have the whole trope touch her and die energy,
• 15:01
  but that is not ownership.
• 15:03
  It is a sort of a sanctuary that allows her fire to rage,
• 15:09
  but it doesn't put it out.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: So in my survey with other readers,
• 15:16
  I liked this one where one of the readers said she almost broke
• 15:20
  her Kindle over a
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: book that she hated.
• 15:22
  She loathed the hero so much that she stopped drinking her
• 15:27
  signature cocktail in real life.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And another one,
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: another reader DNFed,
• 15:33
  meaning she didn't finish the book the moment the story turns
• 15:36
  towards abuse.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, nope, Adam and hell no for her.
• 15:41
  The body,
• 15:41
  the whole body took the emotion and it changed aspects in their
• 15:47
  own lives.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: So even though they knew the happy ending was coming,
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: they were like,
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: nope,
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: this is not happening.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And they just knew it.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the union of door one and two, rage and the body.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now,
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: if you think of just the surface element,
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: the level one of reading,
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: this can be your book review.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't like it?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Give it one star.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Close it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Close the book.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're done.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: No need to look closer.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what's interesting is that the rage is the boundary.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is the body saying, no, no, no.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind might not have gotten here yet, but I am shutting this down.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: It is the hell now.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's something that is interesting here with the rage,
• 16:31
  not just through the reactions we have with the stories of how
• 16:34
  we might say,
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: no,
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not reading this book anymore.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or we hate a certain trope or we avoid certain stories.
• 16:44
  But what I find interesting in these stories and how popular
• 16:48
  they're getting is
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: where the heroine is allowed to
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And given the sanctuary,
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: given the space,
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: the container to roar,
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: to rage,
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: and she's not being managed.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: She's not being asked to be reasonable.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think us as readers in that moment,
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: living perhaps vicariously through the character,
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: we can exhale.
• 17:13
  Perhaps we have never been in a room where our anger was
• 17:17
  treated as sacred,
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: not as inconvenient.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel these stories are creating this space for us.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: It allows our nervous system to practice to a certain degree,
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: exhaling,
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: allowing our rage to roar.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a healing function on a personal scale.
• 17:39
  But I also wonder if it's a healing function,
• 17:41
  and I think it is for the collective as well.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: For me personally,
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: what I found interesting was as I was reading these books,
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: the books that caused me more rage,
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: having to tap into the anger,
• 17:56
  were the ones that had a very difficult relationship with
• 18:00
  mother because the way I
• 18:02
  navigated grief had a lot more anger than sadness because my
• 18:08
  relationship with my
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: mother was so complex.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's an interesting point, how healing it was as well.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Of course,
• 18:16
  I think there's an element to our cultural moment of now that
• 18:21
  there's a lot of
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: things for us to be enraged about.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And where do we transmute?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Where do we metabolize this anger?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's move towards door number three.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And very different from rage, the third door is about pleasure.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Pleasure is the feast.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be clear about something.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not all romance books have to have the spice,
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: the so-called spice,
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: the little peppers next to it.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: There are many ways to navigate that.
• 18:55
  When I mean pleasure here,
• 18:56
  I don't mean just the sexual pleasure,
• 19:00
  the intimacy pleasure.
• 19:01
  But I think the idea of pleasure in general is the more sort of
• 19:07
  radical aspect of this.
• 19:09
  And that's why I've mentioned several times about romance books
• 19:13
  being the guilty pleasure.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: People call it the guilty pleasure.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thing that I do over there.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's where I escape.
• 19:19
  It's the pleasure,
• 19:20
  but I don't want to give it the full respect that it deserves,
• 19:24
  perhaps.
• 19:26
  I think about romance,
• 19:27
  one of the things about pleasure with romance,
• 19:30
  it is sort of manifold.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: There is the pleasure of reading the story.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is the guilty pleasure.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: We like to read these books.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: We like to see the covers, be in that world.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it's treated like a guilty pleasure.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not as serious as the other ones.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also the idea of pleasure within the story.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where the intimacy,
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: the sexuality,
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: however many levels of spice it contains,
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: romance tends to center female pleasure in the plot.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: The heroine's desire, her pleasure drives the story.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And her satisfaction is sort of a guaranteed happy ending, pun intended.
• 20:16
  And her body's responses,
• 20:18
  the heat,
• 20:19
  the ache,
• 20:19
  the wanting,
• 20:20
  are all treated as important.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're worthy of attention.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're deserving of an entire narrative arc devoted to that fulfillment.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: So depending on how well the story,
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: let's say,
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: is written,
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: the moment of intimacy,
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: there's a sense of a full unfolding of that desire.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's a culmination of that desire.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't just, if you will, smut.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the other thing that we dismiss the books.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: We call them smut.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And are they really smut?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And why would they be called smut or pornographic?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Why is female pleasure when it's centered to be dismissed?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So back to my little questionnaire,
• 21:11
  one of the readers said something that I was really sort of
• 21:14
  thinking about.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the readers answered in my questionnaire,
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: which I found very interesting,
• 21:21
  is that she said romance novels awaken her desires in a way
• 21:27
  that she didn't know
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: she had,
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: that she had felt shame about it.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: about her sexuality her whole life.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that in reading those books,
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: going to those worlds that most people would call filth,
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: was the very thing that finally helped her feel accepted and seen.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't therapy.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was not the self-help books.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was romance novels and the community of women reading them.
• 21:53
  She said that she had never felt more comfortable in her own
• 21:56
  body and her own
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: desires,
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: including with her partner.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Another reader also said something even more powerful as well,
• 22:05
  that she learned how to be more intimate on many different
• 22:09
  levels from the intimacy
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: of deep conversations and how impactful a hug or even handholding can be.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a small example of how
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: These readers, these women are not describing just escapism.
• 22:26
  They're describing how their actual lives change because they
• 22:30
  have practiced through fiction.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when the hero is devoted to the female character's pleasure,
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: he's curious about her body without shame.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: He's not just a fantasy.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: He's modeling something.
• 22:46
  He's showing the reader what it looks like when desire is met
• 22:50
  with reverence
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: instead of judgment.
• 22:54
  I think as we read,
• 22:55
  of course,
• 22:55
  as we grow as readers,
• 22:57
  our pleasure also shifts.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: We stop hopefully apologizing for what we want.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: We stop putting joy on the sort of layaway for another day,
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: another time after we do all the work.
• 23:11
  And I think this is an important element of respect to
• 23:15
  ourselves and the genre itself.
• 23:18
  If you're drawn to these stories where pleasure is
• 23:21
  unapologetic,
• 23:24
  then notice that.
• 23:27
  Notice where your hunger is for that story and where it's
• 23:30
  pointing you to put joy
• 23:33
  in your own life back into your own life instead of putting it
• 23:36
  in the layaway.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: So now we're getting close to door number four.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And door number four, I like to call it the animal nose.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth door is instinct.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And in our culture,
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: we are trained to lead with our heads,
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: to think,
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: to analyze,
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: to make pros and cons lists,
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: to be rational.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we have lost trust with our older knowing.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: The one that lives in the body.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I think door number four and door number one are very much related.
• 24:11
  But here's the one door number four says yes before the mind
• 24:15
  can even explain why.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't even want to at least at first recognize it.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the instinct recognizes something,
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: a person,
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: a place,
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: a danger,
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: a home,
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: before there are words to describe it.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think romance novels are full of this one.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: The moment the heroine feels it,
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: the pull,
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: the heat,
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: the bone-deep recognition of the hero,
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: before she even knows his name,
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: before she understands why,
• 24:48
  Before her mind is even able to put up all the resistance and
• 24:53
  arguments against it.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's that instinctual bond.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: It is the body staking its claim.
• 25:01
  And I find that quite fascinating that us as readers respond to
• 25:04
  this very physically too.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: We just know.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: We feel it.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: We shiver.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: We catch our breath.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: It is our body saying a full yes to a scene or to even a story.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Try this out even when you go to a bookstore.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: See how your body reacts to the books that are around you.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the readers in my questionnaires, she said that,
• 25:28
  She doesn't really notice her preferences changing in terms of
• 25:32
  stories or tropes
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: when things are happening in her life.
• 25:36
  She just knows that by the time she's really deep into it,
• 25:38
  she's like,
• 25:39
  oh,
• 25:39
  here it is.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've been reading this type of book for quite a while now.
• 25:44
  She went through the stories,
• 25:45
  picking the tropes and certain types of stories instinctually.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: She was living them.
• 25:50
  And then only with a little bit of time gone by could she look
• 25:55
  back and say,
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: oh,
• 25:56
  I was drawn to something different because I was becoming
• 26:00
  something different.
• 26:01
  So her instinct was leading her the whole time and her
• 26:06
  conscious mind was just
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: catching up later.
• 26:09
  The other one,
• 26:10
  the other reader,
• 26:11
  described her reading evolution in this way.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: I thought this was very interesting.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: She said that at first it was all very vanilla, very closed door.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then over time, the door opened wider and wider.
• 26:24
  And then she commented in a humorous way,
• 26:27
  now the door is wide open and monsters are coming in.
• 26:31
  And so she connected directly to her confidence growing as a
• 26:35
  reader and as well as
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: a woman,
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: her ability to hold the other,
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: the spice of life in a much bigger way.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: But she followed that first instinct.
• 26:46
  She trusted her own instinct as it grew and it allowed her to
• 26:50
  open other doors.
• 26:52
  The other part of the instinct that I find very interesting is
• 26:56
  how one of the
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: tropes that is quite popular in romance is the fated mates,
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: right?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's perhaps its most direct expression of this instinct.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is the recognition that bypasses reason entirely, right?
• 27:12
  So this is where,
• 27:14
  not just how we choose the book,
• 27:16
  so because of the cover of the story,
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: But we just know.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost as if the story falls onto our lap.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's almost like a faded mate trope playing between us,
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: the reader,
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: and the books we're choosing.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: It just is.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: It falls on our lap at the right time.
• 27:37
  So one thing I did notice in my so-called cave year is that I
• 27:41
  was choosing a lot of books.
• 27:44
  that I would sort of briefly read the synopsis and be like,
• 27:46
  okay,
• 27:47
  it looks good.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's read it.
• 27:48
  And then inevitably these books were touching on grief and also
• 27:53
  complicated
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: mother-daughter relationships.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: And none of these elements were being mentioned in the synopsis.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's almost as if my instinct knew that
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: the book I should read and the mind couldn't even catch up.
• 28:08
  And by the time the mind caught up,
• 28:10
  I was halfway through the book and too invested to stop.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was in it.
• 28:16
  And so there's something that I feel speaks to the instinct
• 28:20
  that we have going
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: towards certain stories.
• 28:24
  And sometimes maybe to get a little mystical here,
• 28:27
  maybe the book chooses us as well.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's an instinct in picking up the reader.
• 28:32
  So I think it's an important element to notice in your own
• 28:36
  reading and stories what
• 28:38
  just grabs you without any rational thinking or excuses and see
• 28:43
  how it shows up in
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: your life,
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: what brings up for you.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear about that.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And now we come to door number five, the last one.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And this one I like to call it the claimed in full.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: The fifth and final door, it is about sovereignty.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the door that holds all the other doors.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a myth, I touched on it briefly on the last episode.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's an Arthurian myth about Lady Ragnell.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: And Lady Ragnell was cursed into a hideous form.
• 29:23
  She often would show up as the hideous hag,
• 29:26
  so ugly that people couldn't even look at her.
• 29:30
  And when she came upon King Arthur,
• 29:33
  well,
• 29:33
  longer story,
• 29:34
  I'm going to sort of summarize it here.
• 29:35
  King Arthur is actually approached by her brother and who poses
• 29:39
  the question,
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: what do women want?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: And King Arthur has a year to find out the answer.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: So he sends all his best knights around the realm,
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: asking,
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: interviewing women of all classes and backgrounds,
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: what do women want?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: And they would all come back and there were too many answers.
• 30:01
  It was very difficult to pinpoint what was the one thing that
• 30:04
  women wanted.
• 30:06
  Just the day before the challenger was supposed to meet King
• 30:11
  Arthur and say,
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: hey,
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: do you have the answer?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Lady Ragnell shows up and she says, I do have the answer.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: But for that, in exchange, I want to marry one of your knights.
• 30:21
  And all the knights look at each other and they're like,
• 30:23
  hell no,
• 30:24
  we're not doing this.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Except that Sir Gawain,
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: the best one,
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: the best looking one,
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: the one that all the ladies loved,
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: he says,
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: sure,
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: I will marry you.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody's shocked, but he says, yes, the wedding goes through.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so here we have the beauty and the beast in reverse.
• 30:45
  And so on their wedding night,
• 30:47
  when they are in their room together alone,
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: All of a sudden he looks at her and she's transformed.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: She looks beautiful.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he's kind of in shock of that.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: What happened to the hag?
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: So she turns to him and she poses a question.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: She says, do you prefer me to be beautiful by day?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or when all others can see how beautiful I am, but hideous at night?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you prefer me to be beautiful at night?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is just for you.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: And a hag by day.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: She poses him that question.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: And he doesn't choose.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: He turns to her and says, you choose.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: And those two words, that's when the curse breaks.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: That is the answer to the riddle at the heart of the story.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: What do women most desire?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do women want?
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was not what Freud was saying.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: It is sovereignty,
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: the right to choose for yourself,
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: to be seen in your own terms,
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: to be claimed not in fragments,
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: in the acceptable parts,
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: the palatable parts,
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: the polite parts,
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: but in full.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like I was saying before,
• 32:03
  the faith in mates is probably one of the tropes that has this
• 32:06
  sort of dialed in,
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: but it plays out in the others as well.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because in these stories of romance, the heroine is chosen in full.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's accepted as herself.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: She has the ability to choose, right?
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't have to shrink.
• 32:27
  And I think that's really important here to think about how
• 32:29
  many of these stories,
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: of course,
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: it's not all of them.
• 32:32
  I'm having to generalize a little,
• 32:34
  but there's the element of what does the heroine want?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is sovereignty, the ability to be herself, to choose for herself.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: One of the readers in my questionnaire, the one who answered it,
• 32:49
  She talked about how faded mates and destined pairs are her
• 32:54
  bread and butter.
• 32:56
  And she also said that these stories helped her to navigate
• 33:00
  postpartum and also to
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: receive an unexpected health diagnosis.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what kept her gravitating towards this element in this sort of trope,
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: the fated mates,
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: is that it showed her that love is the greatest magic and unifier.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's what she needed.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was what she was reaching for.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not when life is easy, not when life, but it's when life is the hardest.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this, again, is not escapism.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is her psyche reaching for the medicine to be claimed in full.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Being told by the story that she was reading that she belongs,
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: that she's chosen,
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: and that the bond will hold even when everything else is challenging.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: It might even be falling apart.
• 33:50
  The other one,
• 33:50
  the other reader answered in a way that I thought was very
• 33:53
  interesting.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: She said, don't be afraid to jump into something different.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: It may open you up.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: It may open a door that surprises you.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: It challenges you and helps you heal.
• 34:05
  And I like that she used the word door without even knowing
• 34:08
  this whole framework I
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: have about the forbidden doors.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she also said that feeling confident about a happy ending matters.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: Beauty matters.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing a zoomed out view of one's inner archetypes matters.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: These things are not trivial or trite.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: They ensure the health of the soul.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: That was a pretty deep answer.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: The health of the soul.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is what romance is also giving us.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am not dismissing, if you will, the problematics of romance as a genre.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because as with anything in life, there's the light in the darkness.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's something to be balanced.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I do want to focus more on the medicine that lives in romance.
• 34:52
  To go beneath,
• 34:55
  to go under the surface of the criticism and the positions.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it's about what is it doing to us?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like so many people are reading it.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: Something is happening.
• 35:08
  Something is really working through the collective,
• 35:11
  through these stories.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Also to say...
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: to you as a reader,
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: perhaps you're new to romance,
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: maybe you're an avid reader,
• 35:20
  but to trust what calls to you and to stop dismissing the parts
• 35:25
  of yourself that
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: the culture has told to hide.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And not that these doors are easy to walk through,
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: maybe our realities don't fit these stories,
• 35:34
  but I believe that the stories we are reading are helping us
• 35:37
  navigate them in some
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: way.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: rehearse them in our own inner mind,
• 35:44
  that that way it can help us shift our own mindset and thus
• 35:49
  perhaps also change our
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: realities.
• 35:52
  And we do have the sovereignty in how we interact and relate to
• 35:58
  these stories.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have to wait for the permission.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can just say to yourself, you choose.
• 36:05
  You have the power to choose how you're going to engage with
• 36:10
  these stories.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: So in short, these are the five doors.
• 36:15
  There's more ways we can explore them in more depth to have a
• 36:20
  deeper conversation.
• 36:23
  But I think I just wanted to share with you these five doors so
• 36:27
  that you can take
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: it and look at your own bookcases and say,
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: which door am I walking through today?
• 36:35
  So just to repeat them,
• 36:38
  the five doors,
• 36:39
  the body,
• 36:40
  rage,
• 36:41
  pleasure,
• 36:42
  instinct,
• 36:44
  sovereignty.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I invite you to think about this.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just sit with it for now.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel when you hear about these five doors?
• 36:53
  Which one sounds more interesting to you that sort of perks up
• 36:58
  your curiosity?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: What stirs in you?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or which door do you recognize that it's calling to you right now?
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe when you heard the word rage, your whole chest opened up.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it surprised you.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it was instinct.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: I invite you to just notice how you felt.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's information.
• 37:24
  And that is your reading life telling you something that is
• 37:29
  beyond just the tropes
• 37:30
  that you crave or the heroes that you love or the scenes that
• 37:34
  you return to every
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: time.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: Those are all mapping something for you.
• 37:40
  And so I invite you to bring that curiosity to the things that
• 37:43
  are catching your attention.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: It is not just to consume what you're reading.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's to metabolize what you're reading.
• 37:52
  So next time you pick up a book or next time you're scrolling
• 37:55
  through your
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: to-be-read list,
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: see what grabs you and ask yourself,
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: which door is this?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is this book about my body,
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: my rage,
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: my pleasure,
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: my instinct,
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: my sovereignty,
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: or all of the above?
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: They'll analyze it.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: It all starts with the noticing.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Noticing is the practice.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then over time, the pattern reveals itself.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've listened to these two episodes, you've...
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of practice a little bit on your own, the three levels of reading.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: That was from the last episode.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: And now I've shared with you the five doors.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, yes, this is interesting.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want more of this.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then I invite you to join my forbidden doors.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is where your reading life becomes your map, your compass.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we meet for six weeks.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a small circle of women.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't just explore these five doors.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: We walk through them.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: Each week, one door.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can bring your books, your patterns, your tropes, your cravings.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to work with guided imagination journeys.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to have the real conversation.
• 39:08
  We're going to explore the framework to make it more visible
• 39:12
  for you to help you
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: see in your own list what you're reading,
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: how these are already waiting for you.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now,
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Forbidden Doors is not a book club.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're not here to discuss the plot and the themes, per se, of that story.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is more of a space where we're going to go underneath the genre,
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: underneath the tropes,
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: especially the genre.
• 39:34
  the ones you keep gravitating towards so your participation is
• 39:38
  key you bring in the
• 39:39
  tropes that you're gravitating towards the ones that spark your
• 39:43
  curiosity your
• 39:44
  hunger and even your embarrassment oh especially the
• 39:49
  embarrassment because that's
• 39:51
  usually where this medicine is the strongest you don't need to
• 39:55
  be reading a
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: specific book
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can bring your whole reading life,
• 39:59
  the things that you've devoured long ago or the things you've
• 40:02
  devoured lately,
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: or the things that keep calling you from your bookshelf.
• 40:07
  Maybe it's the stuff that's in your to-be-read pile that's
• 40:10
  whispering your name.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: My place here is to bring the framework,
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: to bring in my training in depth psychology,
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: my experience in working with mythology and fairy tales.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: And together, and even astrology, and together we're going to discover...
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: that really the greatest romance is not on the page.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one between who you've been and what you're becoming.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we start on May 16th.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: We meet up for six Saturdays.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: We skip Memorial Day weekend and we wrap it up on June 27th.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: We meet via Zoom.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's a small group.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is recorded so you can watch later.
• 40:55
  However,
• 40:56
  the real juice is when we meet in person live because that's
• 41:00
  where the real heat is.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: We get to hear each other's stories, share what's going on.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes by seeing another reader standing at a certain door,
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: we are like,
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: oh,
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: my God,
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: that's the same door I'm standing on.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where the real alchemy happens.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_00: So to me...
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: Forbidden Doors right now, I'm looking for the founding cohort.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's small,
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: it's intimate,
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: and your insights,
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: your experience literally shapes how this work is going to develop.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're curious about this, I invite you to come to
• 41:34
  my website it's all there vanessakuto.com and kuto is c-o-u-t-o
• 41:41
  or if you want to
• 41:42
  talk more about it send me a comment through the website let me
• 41:46
  know how is this
• 41:46
  landing for you or just share your insights around practicing
• 41:50
  the three levels of
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: reading from the last episode or in hearing about the five doors
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: What I hope is this,
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: even if Forbidden Doors is not for you right now,
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that the idea of the five doors stays with you.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to notice how each one felt for you,
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: which tropes spoke to you,
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: so that every time that you open a romance novel,
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: you know you're not just reading a story.
• 42:16
  You're standing at a door where nobody gets to decide whether
• 42:20
  you open it or not,
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: but you,
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: you are the sovereign one who's going to open that door.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's the whole point.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for listening.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.