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Transcript

Can You Just Pay Me Back? · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, I'm your host Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we check in ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Surprisingly, I feel like I am living my best life.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you are too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna start today's episode with a question.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why is asking your friends to pay you back so awkward?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I have no problem spending money on my friends, buying them gifts, booking the travel on my card, putting dinner on my card, calling the Uber.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: But then the second I have to ask for the money, I feel really awkward.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like sending that Venmo request just sounds like the beginning of a potential fight that I'm very much trying to avoid.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I overthink, like, okay, is this too straight up?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Is this too forward?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, does it come off the wrong way?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's ridiculous because it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But money and friendships can be a little complicated because I don't want money to come in between me and a friendship.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, there has to be some balance.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be able to rely on you and know that we'll have each other's backs, paying each other back or covering something.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like sometimes the math just maths and it's all good.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it's when it's not all good that it gets awkward and frustrating.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because obviously you're out with a group, you can't split it 10 ways.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's ridiculous.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So some will buy the ticket, some will book the restaurant or put the restaurant on their card.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And most likely nowadays it's easier for someone to just put one card down and then we all pay that person back, right?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty simple.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or you just split it halfway if you're with not a huge group.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're like me, you put stuff on your card and then you're like, okay, I'll wait till the end of the weekend and I'll add everything back.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: But then it's Monday and you're like, okay, I'll get to this later.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start forgetting what everyone owes.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then you got to do the math.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank god, thank goodness there's so many quick options nowadays.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I am not team split it down the middle because if we're at a restaurant, my pasta is gonna be a lot cheaper than your steak.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why you kind of got to split it itemized, and then it just gets so complicated and it's ridiculous.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there has to be an easier way.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I just don't go out, I guess.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I don't go out, then I avoid that awkward question of hey, can you pay me back for this?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, you know why I hate asking that question sometimes, depending on who it is, you don't know when they're gonna pay you back, or they'll reply, I'll get you next time.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And they're get you next time just keeps adding up.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many IOUs that they're never gonna catch up at this point.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because I shouldn't have to keep track of how much you owe me and when I'm gonna get paid back.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because for me, the friends I genuinely trust and I've known my whole life, like, we don't keep tabs.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We know we'll cover one meal and they'll cover the next, and it like will work out.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the people that you hang out with not that often somehow end up owing you the most money.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're like, are they gonna pig me back?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I didn't put my card down for this dinner or this concert.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: But then you get stuck in that situation and like I try and avoid it, but somehow I still haven't completely learned.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to my story time of the day of I am someone that doesn't let things go.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a grudge holder, always have been.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've just been lit down so much in life that I don't forgive and forget all the time.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some would say, hey, you need to work on that.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Others would be like, hold that grudge, never let it go.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So what actually sprung this episode was the fact that it took someone almost a year to pay me back a lot of money.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Look, if it's a hundred bucks, maybe even five hundred, maybe I could let it go.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: But if it gets closer to past 500 bucks, I mean 500 bucks is still being generous in itself.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have a problem.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I did get my money back.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't easy.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think I complained about it that entire time.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was so frustrated because I knew at the beginning of this trip that they this person was gonna be a problem and they probably weren't gonna pay me back.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I was reassured it's gonna be fine, don't worry about it.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, all right, let's just see how it goes and hope for the best.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, obviously you remind someone everyone has different financial situations.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: But what I don't understand is how can you agree to go on a trip, go to an event, go to a dinner, even, and know that you can't afford to do that, or know that you're not gonna pay these people back, not even a warning, like, hey, I need extra time, or can we do something else?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't in my budget.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can work with that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's the fact of not being told any warning and then I'm just out hundreds, almost thousands of dollars, right?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know I signed up to pay for you, my husband, and myself.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is not what I signed up for.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's extremely selfish to do that to someone that you're supposed to be friends with.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, someone I barely know.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: We hung out with them for a weekend.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: They paid us back instantly.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's someone like I feel like I would should be more worried about because I don't know them.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the fact that people I've known for a long time screw me over essentially.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I got my money back, but we are never hanging out again.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You broke my trust, you almost broke my wallet.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I could tell you there's been two trips I've had to cancel, and I had already paid for the Airbnb.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I I just took the loss.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it hurt and it sucked, but like, why should I ruin the group trip for everyone else?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then they have to front my piece of the trip.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would like to say I'm a team player, I want everyone to have a good time.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to ruin it, I don't want to ask more people for money, especially if it's super last minute.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Everything's circumstantial, but I would never agree to do something that I knew I couldn't afford and not pay someone back.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or I at least would tell give them a heads up and then we could work out some deal.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's when you don't give the heads up and you just don't pay back.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's a problem.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't understand how you sleep at night and like just keep living your normal life.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I could honestly talk about that for hours, but it's not that interesting.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, be a good person and pay people back, or at least give them a heads up and work some out, work some sort of deal out with them.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to my next question.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: How much money is enough money to actually say something?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Five bucks, 20 bucks, fine.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's when it gets like 50, 100, a couple hundred, where it's like, okay, something's going on here.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not being a team player.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'm getting my money back.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me, it's not just me putting my car down every time.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like other people that are also not getting paid back.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I'll take the loss.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a while, but depending on who it is and the situation, like I'll let it go.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I haven't really been in that situation a lot where I've had to let it go.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've just ended up distancing myself and like keeping track in the back of my head, like, okay, remember, this is what happens when you hang out with this person.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So either just be really financially stable for that month, or you're gonna take this hit.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I would never want anyone to have to think like that before they hang out with me because I don't want to like be a burden on someone else, especially a financial burden.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't think that's fair.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because everyone has a different budget, and you sometimes like you know that without speaking it or like having a real conversation about it, and you just shift the plans, and maybe you don't go to a really expensive restaurant that night, and you just go another night if it if it's that so important to you, and you've saved up already.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Money is tough, money is tough with friends, and I've learned throughout the years like everyone's different ballpark, obviously, like especially as we get older.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's gotten a little easier the older we've gotten, but I still got people screwing me over.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe not.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: It just depends on who it is.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want to know your opinion on splitting the bill.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Are we cutting it down even or are we going line item, or you buy one meal, I buy the next, and it works out.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: My friends and I most likely we're gonna go line by line because everyone orders differently.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I just think it's easier to do line by line item.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of annoying, but it's not like I'm doing this every single weekend.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we make it work, and I think that's like just being budget aware.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I would never want if I was ordering a steak and like a bunch of appetizers for myself, I wouldn't want my friends to pay for that.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm ordering the little salad and whatever vegetarian dish.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So my meal most likely is gonna be cheaper.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I don't want to have to pay for your steak.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And luckily for me, my friends make it work and we we split it how it works.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Every friend group's different, right?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of only travel with the same like 10 friends because which is a lot of people.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the group has gotten to that because I know they're gonna pay me back.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: They had to listen to my story for a year of someone not paying me back, and it would have been hilarious if they didn't pay me back after hearing me complain for so long and sad.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: It would have really sucked, but it's all good.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're all in the same vibe and we're all paying each other back.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is a real problem.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is breaking up friendships, this is how people hold grudges, and like you end up putting someone else in a financial situation that they didn't sign up for.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I will never understand that.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny because I used to judge the line items and paying exactly what you owed versus just splitting it evenly.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I thought it was like a waste of time.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: But like as I've gotten older, it I don't think it's a waste of time.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's totally worth it.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why we have Excel, right?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So don't get me wrong, you can still be generous, pay for something for your friend.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I do that for with my friends.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, don't worry.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because you know it evens out, or even if it doesn't, like you can still be nice and buy something.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is when you're constantly doing it and like there's no payback or they're not treating you, like real friends will like treat each other to uh a meal or a slice of pizza or something.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it evens out or an Uber ride.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's when it's only one-sided and that dollar amount keeps adding up, and you don't want to have that uncomfortable conversation.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So now you're just quietly holding a grudge towards them and talking about it on a podcast.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have that situation.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I there is some there is like maybe a few people that owe some money, but it's it's a loss cause.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It just is what it is, unfortunately.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we live and we learn.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've learned is if I'm with people who I don't think is gonna pay me back, I am not putting my card down.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I will send you my piece of the bill that I owe, but I'm not gonna deal with people potentially not paying me back.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've been burned too much, and that you should be hanging out with people that you can openly talk to about this and like just have a straight-up conversation and learn and do better the next time if you're at fault or they're at fault.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you can't talk to your friends about everything, I I don't really keep them around.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I talk too much to not be able to trust everyone and tell them everything.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I should be able to ask you for money without feeling awkward or a burden in some sense.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I only travel with people that I trust and have fun with and know that we got each other covered.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure you're hanging out with people that you can trust and that they'll pay you back and that you're open about how you're gonna split the bill, what the budget is, and like work around it so everyone's happy if we're not all on the same page with what restaurant we're going to.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm trying to avoid that year-long grudge against you and still not getting my money back.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if someone in your life owes you money, this is your sign to send that Venmo request or hit them up for that reminder to pay you.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And to just be straight up with it.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing anything wrong.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're just simply asking to get your money for whatever thing you are owed.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I can do it, you can do it, right?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're the friend that owes someone money, this is your sign to go and send that payment right now.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Help them help you.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think we'd all like to do less friendship accounting.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think we'd all like to not have to worry about getting paid what we're owed.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that is where I leave y'all.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So don't forget to ask yourself, okay, but are you good?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure to like and subscribe, and I'll see y'all next week.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.