Latest / Life Lived Better / Episode 139: Questions for Counselors

Transcript

Episode 139: Questions for Counselors · Life Lived Better

0:03
Hi, this is Paula. And I'm Joseph, and you're
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listening to Life Lived Better. Hey everybody, welcome back to
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the Lifeblood Better podcast. Remember that we're your journey
0:16
of self discovery, well-being and personal growth.
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And we bring you a new episode every other Thursday and we are
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so happy that you're here with us.
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If this is your first time joining us, welcome.
0:26
We love your support. It means so much to us and we
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are just so glad that you're here with us.
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But before we get to our topic today, I want to check in with
0:35
Joseph and see how you're doing today.
0:38
I'm doing good. It's been, it's, you can
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probably guess what I'm going to say.
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It's been busy, yeah, juggling a lot of things.
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But we've had the fair's been in town, so we've been four times
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this year. Do you get like a season?
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Pass Yeah, we bought a season pass because last year we went a
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couple times and it just the season pass was, you know, the
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price of, I don't know if there's a price of two tickets
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or a little less than two tickets.
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And it came with some, you know, parking coupons and stuff.
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So yeah. So we have a friend that works
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close by, so we're able to park at his work and save that money.
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And so it's been nice. We went like a couple times
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where we went like during the day and then a couple times
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we're just like, like last Wednesday, I was done with work
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a little bit early and we were not sure what to do about
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dinner. So we just went to the fair and
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spent a couple hours and ate out there.
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And, you know, they got dark, so we got to see the fireworks and
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they do a parade every evening, which I didn't know.
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And we actually went to some of the events this year which I've
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never done, like the rodeo and stuff like.
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That. You know which I'm not a fan of
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rodeos. I feel like they're just really
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mean to the animals. Yeah, yeah.
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It's hard to watch. Yeah, it is hard to believe some
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of that still happens. Yeah, they have one event where
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they just rope them and then as soon as they, if they actually
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rope them, then they immediately release the rope so it doesn't
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jerk home or hurt them or anything.
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But the ones where they just like take them down to the
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ground and all that it just for. My heart, yeah.
2:06
For what? Yeah.
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So you love rodeos, More power to you.
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But it just it's hard for me to watch them.
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The older I get the worst I feel about me, worst I feel about
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anything hurting or suffering. Just I can't even see a bird.
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I mean like I don't the cycle of life.
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I can't take the end part. Right.
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Yeah, but we've just been having fun with that, hanging out with
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friends and staying busy. We had ACL, which was a lot of
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fun and got through that. It was exhausting, but tons of
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fun. Saw some great bands and had a
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really nice few days off. So fantastic.
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What about you, husband? How?
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Are things have been going well. I've actually I, I, I mentioned,
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I guess the last time we recorded a long episode that I
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was about to travel for my birthday and I did I went and
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spent time with my, my son and his wife in Tulsa and we had a
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great time. Went to a comedy club.
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I got to see one of my favorite stand up comedians.
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I am a huge fan of stand up and he just randomly was there so I
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get to see him, meet him, get pictures and he signed a nice
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poster for me. So that was a fantastic time.
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And then yesterday they came into town to see us and I spent
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the whole day with my daughter-in-law while my son
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went out and spent some time with his best friend.
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We had her nails done, had some good lunch at a great Thai place
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I had not heard of before in Denton, and then went shopping.
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I mean, like, what else? She's like, you know, when we
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move home, we can do this every weekend.
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I was like, our husbands are going to be so excited about our
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budgets, right? So excited.
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It's crazy. Y'all get along and enjoy
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spending time together. We talked about that yesterday.
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I just told her I kind of always.
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I knew the day would come that my son would get married.
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And since he's my only one and we've been so close, I told her
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I was so worried about what that would be like and that from the
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beginning, it's just like we just had an instant relationship
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and she honestly likes me and I really like her and it's it's so
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enjoyable. It's like I was, I was added a
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daughter and there's no like I lost something in this process
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and I just feel so grateful for that.
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That's awesome, yes. So hey, what are we talking
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about today? Well, one of our favorite
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topics, questions for counselors.
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Yeah. So we have some great questions
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that we've collected. And I think you said we're going
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to do something a little different towards the end.
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So mixing it up a bit. Yes, absolutely.
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Very excited about that. And most of these questions came
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from clients this time. Yeah, So the clients, they gave
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us some great questions. I think you collected them,
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which I appreciate. And we also, we always love
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getting questions from our audience and you can submit
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those through our website at lifebetter.net.
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You can hit us up on any of the social media platforms and and
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direct messages. So we have lots of ways to get
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in touch with us, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
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So look up, find us, add us, favorite us, share us all the
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things, yeah. We, we love hearing questions
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from anyone and questions about counseling or about, you know,
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something you'd like to ask a counselor.
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We'll take all of them. Yeah, if you have a relationship
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issue or something's going on with your employment or
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parenting, like we love all the questions.
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Absolutely. Give it a try and send it our
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way. We'll see what we can do with
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it. Well, let's get on to the
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questions and you get to answer first today.
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Is that all right? Sure.
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OK. The first question for bat here
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is how long does it take to become a counselor?
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Well, it depends on the person I guess.
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I mean, the requirements for specifically an LCDC are an
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associate's degree and then there are 4000 hours that you
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have to work in the field, 2000 of those supervised, 2000
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unsupervised directly as far as not having someone in the room
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with you, but you're still monitored closely.
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And then a before you do the 4000, you do the 300 hour
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practicum where you work for someone for free, which is
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stinky stink, but you do get paid for the 4000.
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So it's not a great wage, but you are paid as an intern and
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so, you know, some people do it all just start to finish and are
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able to knock it out. And I'd say probably what, three
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years? Cuz 4000 hours is equivalent to
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a one year on the field plus your two year associates right?
6:42
4000 hours is 2 years of work experience if you're working
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4040. Hours 20/20/80 is a year.
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That's right. So two years.
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So, OK, so yeah, so it takes that long.
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I'm telling and then, you know, also like it depends on it what
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kind of counselor you want to be.
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I think it's like there are lots of different kinds of
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counselors. What I like about the LCDC, it's
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like it's the only counseling to license you can get in the state
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of Texas with an undergraduate degree.
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I mean all the other ones you have to go through all the way
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through a master's. So that's what I love about our
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our licenses. If you specifically want to work
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with people with addiction, you can go and kind of knock out the
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addiction area of specialty and people who do that really do you
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have a lot of information about addiction because you have to
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take like 270 clock hours just of addiction classes.
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No matter where you go to get the education part, you get a
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lot of knowledge. You're really are an expert in
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that area. Yeah, yeah, pharmacology and a
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lot of, a lot of really great courses and information that you
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learn. Everyone has to pass a test,
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then you know you are tested. Yeah.
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And I, that's what I was going to say.
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Like when I back a million years ago, I got license, you had to
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do a written and oral presentation.
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And I think they've done away with both of those now haven't.
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They they just. Take the written test.
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You take just the written and the 13 questions regarding the
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case presentation that we used to have to do is now like
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incorporate it into the 150 question test you take and now
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it's computerized. Oral presentation, man, was
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brutal because they just, the people don't give you any
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feedback. They're like no expressions on
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their face. Like it's just very
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intimidating. Yeah.
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And it was pass or fail. You couldn't get one wrong and
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make a 70. It was answered all 13 questions
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and they were you either did them all right or not.
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I don't know how it was when you took it, but we only were
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offered two 2 * a year to take it and we had to travel to
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Austin to do it, spend the night because one day was the oral and
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one day was the written and it was the one little scantron.
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We are so old. Back in my day, we had to walk
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uphill to take our test. Yeah, it was different times.
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So, yeah. So it just depends on what kind
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of counseling license you're you're going for.
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But the LCDC is probably one that you can get in and start
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working in the field. That was kind of always my plan
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was to start working, get into the field as quickly as I could
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and then continue education. And I just got into the field
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and really enjoyed working in the addiction field.
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And so I just never pursued like the other licensures.
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And if anybody has questions about that, about like licensure
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and specifically about the LCDC too, feel free to reach out to
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me. That's what I do professionally
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is the academic side. So I'm happy to advise you in
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any way I can because just go into the state's website is
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sometimes confusing. So I would be happy to answer
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any of those questions if anybody has them because you're
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thinking about getting into the field.
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And if you're thinking about getting into the field, please
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do. We need new counselors.
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Addiction is not going away. You know, it's like 2324 million
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people are affected by addiction.
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That's more people than are in our state, this big, huge state
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of Texas. That's a lot of people that need
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our help. Yeah, no use of opioids and
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fentanyl. Like it's just getting worse and
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worse. It's an epidemic.
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It is and and gosh, it's just heartbreaking, but we need your
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help. So if you have a heart for
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helping, come come on and join us.
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Yep. Well, Are you ready for your
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question? This is one that I think we get
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asked quite a bit in the future. So as an addiction counselor,
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did you previously use substances?
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And what made you decide to become a counselor?
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Your Honor, I plead the 5th. Yeah.
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I mean, I I have some issues with addiction in my past.
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I didn't specifically get into the field because of that, but I
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was led this way because of the counseling I got.
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The counseling I personally went to when I was young, after I
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finished the program that I was in, the counselor I had knew I
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was a college student and said, have you ever thought about this
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field? I mean, like I was a theater
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major at the time and I'd always wanted to do count, be a
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counselor like all my life. I thought I was kind of drawn to
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that. But theater was exciting, you
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know, And I knew theater wasn't going to be like a career.
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So in search of my kind of academic journey, she just said,
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have you ever thought of that? And I said, yeah, kind of my
11:42
whole life, but I wasn't sure, especially because I had
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problems. I was in a, in the program, of
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course I had problems. I didn't know you'd still be a
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counselor when you had problems. I thought you had to be perfect.
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And she's like, well, hey, check a couple things out.
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And she led me to the school I eventually went to.
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And she even provided me with a contact who paid for my degree
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for me. And I loved it once I got into
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it. And I, I mean, I fell in love
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with it so much that I was not a good student my whole life.
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I was actually telling my daughter-in-law yesterday, like
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I could have cared less. I went to a school where I
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graduated with 41 people and I graduated 40th.
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I mean, I'm surprised I graduated.
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I told her jokingly, like it's probably because my dad was on
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the school board and they just thought we better just get her
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out. I just never liked school.
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It was, I just was never interested.
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I didn't like all that like math and science and I was not
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curious or interested. But when I got into the classes
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for addiction counseling, like my GPA was a 3.95 and that's
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because I made 1C in the entire group of courses.
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It was just a horribly challenging course and it was in
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the evening and I was a college student, you know, but I'd left
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it. I just loved it so much and
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couldn't wait to get to the practicum part and working with
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people. And then when I got my first job
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as an addiction counselor, I was hooked.
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Addiction. But seriously, I was so hooked.
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And then just couldn't imagine doing any other kind of
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counseling. I mean, as a matter of fact,
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many years later when I was getting my master's degree, I
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got it specifically an addiction counseling.
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I could have taken one extra semester and done a more general
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counseling degree to, to do like, like what in our field is
13:44
called ALPC. And I didn't want to because I
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couldn't imagine doing anything but addiction counseling.
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I loved it that much. So I don't, I know that talks
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about did you previously use substances?
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Yes, I did, but that's not the only thing that kind of drove me
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there. And I think as an addiction
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counsellor, I don't want to get on a soapbox.
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I'm going to get on a little bit of a soapbox.
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If you are in recovery, that's a fantastic way to get you to the
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field. It's like, can be what fuels
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your desire to get into the field, but it cannot be the only
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skill you bring. Some clients do hope they get a
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counselor who has some kind of knowledge that they understand
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addiction. But we get trained on so many
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other skills. Don't lean on the idea that just
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because you have a history with substances, you're going to be
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good in the field. There's so much more to learn.
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You can't just think that's the only tool in your toolbox.
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Does that make sense, what I'm saying?
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Yeah. Makes sense to me.
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Because I don't want to discourage anyone in recovery
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because it is a great reason, but it's not the only thing you
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have to know to be a good counsel.
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And there's many wonderful counselors who don't have a
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history of addiction, right? What do you think about that
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question? Well, I myself, I mean, I
15:05
struggle with food addiction and definitely have a lot of the
15:11
characteristics of addictive behaviors.
15:14
And I've shared the story about hustling my lunch money to, you
15:18
know, to make more money to get my drug of choice, which was
15:21
sugar. And, you know, but formally
15:24
going through treatment, anything like that, I've, I've
15:26
not done, I've gone through 12 step meetings.
15:28
I've been to 12 step meetings rather and stuff like that.
15:31
But I really got into the field because one, I spent a lot of
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time in therapy growing up and that was kind of a something
15:39
that my parents did as a result of some trauma that I
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experienced. But it actually was something
15:44
that was really good for me and helpful for me.
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And I was in and out, you know, for a big portion of my life.
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I still AM and counseling and you know, I had family member
15:56
that struggled with addiction and so I kind of came from it
15:59
from that side and seeing kind of the struggle that happened
16:03
and ultimately, you know, losing her life, that was something
16:06
that really kind of motivated me to work specifically in this
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field. And both of my parents, you
16:14
know, I grew up with them talking about both of them
16:16
having alcoholism, my biological father having alcoholism.
16:21
And so, you know, I grew up around a lot of that kind of
16:24
talk. Like there was a lot of, you
16:26
know, don't ever drink because it's in your blood.
16:29
You're going to be an addict. And I knew from saying family
16:32
members struggle and from hearing my parents say that,
16:35
that I needed to avoid drugs and alcohol.
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But, you know, I got that same kind of feeling from, you know,
16:42
sugar and struggle with my weight and all kinds of things
16:46
for the majority of my life because of that.
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So that was kind of how I got into the field.
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And like I said earlier, it was something where I wanted to get
16:54
into the field as quickly as I could.
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And with the LCDC that allowed me, you know, it was a little
16:59
bit less than like a full licensed professional counselor
17:04
or, you know, marriage and family counseling, things like
17:07
that. So yeah, so in like you, I got
17:11
into the field and started working with the individuals and
17:14
the treatment centers and things like that and just really,
17:16
really found a lot of joy in it and helping people.
17:20
And it's a very, very tough field to be in.
17:23
The relapse is very, very real. And people struggle to get clean
17:29
and sober, but when they get it, it's incredible.
17:31
And it's incredible to be a part of somebody's journey no matter
17:35
where they're at in the process. So it's it's a great field.
17:39
Absolutely, absolutely. And if anyone thinks that food
17:42
addiction is like less of an addiction than a substance
17:46
addiction, they do not have a food addiction, right?
17:49
Because it is. It is like I think you can
17:52
sometimes worse because you have to eat, you don't have to do
17:55
cocaine. I think it's tough, tough.
17:59
Well, let me give you the next question then.
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What would you to say to somebody who's reluctant to seek
18:05
counseling? I would ask why, you know,
18:08
what's what's the reason that you don't want to see
18:10
counseling? And, you know, sometimes you
18:12
have people tell you like they've had bad experiences or
18:15
they've heard stories about people that have had bad
18:18
experiences. But I always tell people like,
18:20
try it. Interview your therapist.
18:22
It's not like a relationship that's written into stone.
18:25
Once you agree to have an appointment with them, you can
18:27
interview them. We have a whole episode on
18:29
finding, you know, a therapist and kind of what that looks
18:32
like. And I would just explain to
18:34
them, you know, how helpful it can be.
18:36
And having having an outside source that can really, you
18:39
know, be objective about what's going on and, you know, be able
18:45
to give you some skills and help you with really seeing things
18:51
differently. Sometimes.
18:52
Sometimes we get so locked into our view of a problem that we
18:55
can't see anything outside of it.
18:58
And so having that kind of help is something that can really
19:01
help you make some pretty major changes in your life if you
19:04
allow it. And it shouldn't be scary.
19:06
It shouldn't be, you know, anything that you're fearful of.
19:10
It is hard work sometimes, and there are topics that are really
19:14
uncomfortable to discuss. But at the same time, you know,
19:17
the sooner you get into that stuff, the sooner you can heal
19:20
from it and kind of move on. I've personally carried things
19:23
into my adult life that, you know, I should have dealt with
19:27
early on and, you know, processed and tried to move
19:31
through those, but it takes as long as it takes.
19:34
And I think for me personally, it's kind of like my brain
19:37
allows me to work on a little bit at a time and kind of, you
19:41
know, when I get past a little bit of this, then I can kind of
19:44
dip my toe into that. And, and working with the
19:47
counselor has been really helpful and helping guide me
19:50
too. And, and in recognizing like
19:54
issues that maybe I'm struggling with that I'm not even aware
19:56
that I'm struggling with. And so, and, and, you know, I
19:59
made a connection just a couple of years ago from something that
20:03
happened to my childhood. I used to always say that I can
20:05
I sleep, you know, so incredibly light that I can, I'll wake up
20:09
if you turn a door knob and, you know, to my bedroom and.
20:12
It comes back to some trauma from my childhood that I never
20:16
ever made that connection. And that was kind of an aha
20:18
moment for me. So things like that can really
20:22
be useful in in the healing process.
20:25
And so again, I would just ask why, and then I would just
20:28
strongly encourage people to try it.
20:31
I'm thinking. What do you have to lose?
20:33
Seriously. And I mean, it is hard work.
20:36
I know that. I was just talking to someone
20:37
recently who said like they've been in counseling before, they
20:40
know they need to go back, But it's such hard work.
20:44
I know I'm about to get into something that could be painful.
20:47
And I don't want to do that to my, I don't want to upset the,
20:50
you know, the apple cart here. But I even think if you've had
20:54
bad experiences, you probably had a bad experience with a
20:57
counselor, not with counseling. So know that not all counselors
21:02
are the same. And good counselors, I think
21:05
work with you where you are and what you want to work with.
21:08
I think, I think that I was just telling one of your clients that
21:12
you are like, I would see you as a, as a counselor because you
21:16
can do very therapeutic kind of that deep work with a person,
21:22
but you also are trained as a coach.
21:24
So you can also, if if the person's in a more of a place
21:27
where they just want to work on some goals and move forward on
21:32
some goals, then you will, you can work with them from that
21:35
place too. You don't have to cry every
21:38
week, you know, I mean like you can just get in there and knock
21:40
some things out. And I've worked with counselors
21:42
that do, you know, both, and both of them have been equally,
21:46
you know, beneficial in my life. I think it just depends on what
21:49
you're looking for. But I don't think there's
21:50
anybody really who wouldn't benefit from it.
21:54
I don't think it hurts anybody. I don't think that I don't
21:57
really feel like in this world today, there's anybody out there
21:59
who doesn't really need it. You don't have to have trauma in
22:02
your path to benefit from a counselor.
22:05
I think just you have to find the right counselor for you,
22:08
just like you have to find the right mate for yourself, you
22:11
know? Yeah, I agree.
22:13
So the next one for you, do you believe parents who might not
22:16
want to be parents are more at risk of being abusive to their
22:20
children? When I heard this question, I
22:22
thought there's a story behind that.
22:25
You know, I would love to ask the person to tell me more about
22:29
that question. But I don't think necessarily if
22:34
you didn't plan to be a parent and went ahead, you know, with
22:38
the pregnancy and had a child and kept your child, that would
22:41
make you abusive toward it. For some people at that moment
22:45
like that, you have a child, it just bonds you with that child
22:48
in a way you never imagined. And you can't imagine ever doing
22:51
anything but loving and helping and nurturing that child.
22:54
And you would never think to abuse them.
22:56
I think what makes parents abusive has a lot to do with
23:00
their ability to cope, their resilience ability and what was
23:05
modeled to them from their parents.
23:08
We don't just randomly become abusive.
23:10
So something's kind of driving that if a person is abusive, for
23:15
me to abuse my child, I have to have a lot of experiences or,
23:20
or, or lack of skills and just life in general.
23:25
I'm thinking if you're abusive to your children, there are a
23:27
lot of red flags to that leading up to you having a child.
23:31
I don't know, you talked about that.
23:32
What do you think? I don't think that that
23:36
necessarily makes someone abusive.
23:38
I think you're right that that comes from not knowing how to
23:42
parents are growing up and a dysfunctional family and, you
23:45
know, maybe experiencing that personally and kind of carrying
23:49
that over into their own parenting style.
23:52
I've known people that, you know, didn't want to be parents,
23:57
that, you know, actively said they didn't want to be parents,
24:00
did not want children that ended up with a child and it changed
24:04
their life and, you know, completely refocus their wants
24:09
and their values and, you know, their life became all about that
24:12
child and helping them grow up to be successful, healthy, you
24:16
know, individuals. And so I think, you know, it's,
24:20
I think to be an abusive parent, I just, I go back to just learn
24:26
behaviors and things like that. And so, and again, maybe
24:30
somebody who's had trauma, experience dysfunction that
24:33
didn't go to counseling, didn't get any insight into that, maybe
24:37
hasn't recognized that that's even a thing in their life.
24:40
So that's another great reason why counseling is beneficial.
24:44
But you know, I don't, I don't, I don't think that it just is
24:47
like an automatic. All right.
24:49
The next question is for you. So what is your opinion about
24:53
the idea or the saying of it? You know counselors should see
24:56
counselors. I think it's a great idea.
25:00
I think I, I've shared openly that I see a counselor and he's,
25:05
he specializes in working with counselors, so kind of familiar
25:09
with the job and the duties and everything.
25:12
And so, you know, it's somebody good to help kind of process
25:15
things with sometimes, but also just kind of continuing to work
25:18
on my individual issues. Sometimes when you're counseling
25:23
others, things come up that may hit a little bit close to home
25:27
and you have someone that you can kind of work through that
25:30
with. But I think it's, I always
25:32
jokingly say that every good counselor has a counselor of
25:34
their own. Cuz I just think it's something
25:37
that's important to continue to work on ourselves.
25:41
And I'm much more likely to do that if I have somebody that's
25:45
working with me and holding me accountable than I am to do that
25:49
on my own. What do you think?
25:51
I think absolutely I wouldn't see a counselor that had never
25:54
been to counseling. It's like a preacher that's
25:57
never read the Bible. I mean, like, if you're a
25:59
counselor and you wouldn't see a counselor, you wouldn't go to
26:02
counseling. Well, what are you doing in this
26:05
field that means you don't believe in the process, you
26:07
know, or you think you don't have any problems And we know
26:11
every human being has problems. That just kind of would be weird
26:16
to me, Like and how do you even know kind of the whole process
26:19
of all of it? You can't just learn all that in
26:21
school, you know? So yeah, I think good counselors
26:26
should see good counselors just like you said and love the idea
26:29
of of counselor seeing counselor to specialize in that because it
26:32
is different that having a counselor as a client is very
26:36
different clients. They're just a very different
26:39
client. So yes, I think counselor should
26:42
see counselors and I don't think a client should see that as
26:46
like, oh gosh, if my counselor is in counseling, it must be,
26:50
there must be something wrong with them.
26:51
Yeah, there's something wrong with them.
26:52
There's something wrong with all of us.
26:54
The ones who are in counseling just know that that's the case
26:58
and they want to go kind of make sure that they deal with their
27:01
stuff because the last thing you want is your counselor bringing
27:04
their issues into your sessions. Right.
27:08
I handle the people that, you know, legitimately are surprised
27:11
when they hear that I have a counselor.
27:14
It's like, I think, again, people just think that
27:16
counselors have got everything together and have all the
27:19
answers and and that's just not the case.
27:21
Like we have a lot of knowledge and a lot of experience, but
27:24
we're also people and we have struggles and things that we
27:28
need to work on. And so, you know, it's, it's,
27:31
it's healthy to continue that work.
27:33
That just means that that counselor is healthy enough to
27:35
know they need to do it outside of their work environment.
27:39
You know, instead of bringing it to work and like taking it out
27:42
or working it out on other people.
27:44
Yeah, for sure. Awesome.
27:46
Well, Next up for you, what advice do you have for someone
27:50
going through a breakup? Listen to our relationship
27:53
series. We have an episode and I'll link
27:58
it in the show notes about breakups.
28:01
And that's also a great topic for a future episode is
28:04
specifically how do you deal with a breakup?
28:07
But I think first and foremost, I would tell someone, it's OK.
28:12
You know, life's not over. Breakups are hard, but it you're
28:17
going to get through it. It's a griefing process like all
28:20
others, because your idea of your future is changing.
28:24
But that's OK, you know, it's it's OK that things are
28:28
different than you had planned. I would also tell someone, don't
28:32
get into another relationship right away.
28:34
You've got something you need to work through and work out,
28:37
perhaps change in order to find the relationship that is the
28:41
healthiest and best fit for you in life.
28:43
And getting into another relationship right away is not
28:46
the way to do that. So do that depending on the
28:52
severity of your feelings around the breakup, you might want to
28:55
go to some counseling. You might want to take a quick
28:59
class course, kind of a kind of a group thing.
29:03
Learn a little bit more about who you are and what you want in
29:06
a relationship, and make a list of qualities you're looking for.
29:11
Make sure that you're as healthy as all those qualities that
29:14
you're looking for and it's another person.
29:17
And make sure that you're a whole person before seeking
29:19
someone else because we can't be in relationships that are
29:22
healthy if we're looking for someone to fix or be the other
29:26
part of us. Yeah.
29:28
So what are your thoughts on that?
29:29
Those are all great suggestions. I think, you know, being kind to
29:33
yourself, showing yourself some grace during that time,
29:36
understanding that, you know, breakups are difficult.
29:39
You'll have a lot of questions that maybe you don't have
29:42
answers to. So, you know, trying to just
29:45
kind of accept that and understand that sometimes
29:47
relationships have expiration dates and that's OK.
29:51
So being kind to yourself, making sure that you're
29:54
practicing good self-care, not trying to, you know, point
30:00
fingers, just trying to kind of try to kind of make sense as
30:04
best you can and move forward. Understand that it is not
30:08
permanent. The pain that you're feeling is
30:10
not permanent. It's temporary and part of the
30:12
healing journey is just kind of working through that.
30:15
And I think you're absolutely right, not jumping into another
30:18
relationship because I think a lot of people do that.
30:20
They feel like they need, you know, some distraction or they,
30:23
you know, are just vulnerable and, and more likely to fall in
30:27
love. So, you know, trying to avoid
30:31
that, trying to learn as much as you can from the relationship.
30:35
I think some of the best lessons I've learned have been after a
30:38
breakup. I can also say that during the
30:41
breakup, I thought it was the end of the world and things
30:43
would never ever improve or, you know, life would never be the
30:47
same. But every breakup that I've been
30:49
through, I've been able to learn from and they've all gotten me
30:51
to the place I am today. So even though it felt like the
30:54
end of the world, it absolutely was not.
30:56
And so try to remember that pain is temporary and situations are
31:01
temporary and get some counseling, do some work, you
31:06
know, all of all of that, all the stuff that you mentioned.
31:09
But overall, I think just trying to make sure that you're being
31:12
kind to yourself through the process.
31:14
I'm so glad you said that part. Yeah.
31:16
I mean, it's it is a grieving. So it is so important to allow
31:20
yourself some some grace. Well, for the last two
31:25
questions. And we're going to do something
31:26
new. And you mentioned it at the you
31:28
teased it at the intro, something I'm going to call like
31:32
a dealer's choice. You know, we asked ChatGPT to
31:36
give us a list of questions that most people would like to ask a
31:39
counselor. And they sent us back some
31:41
pretty cool things. They categorized them into like
31:45
general mental health about therapy itself, relationships,
31:49
self esteem and identity, stress, work and burnout,
31:53
healing and coping and personal growth.
31:55
So we'll each get a question, Just pick a category, and then
32:00
the question asker will give you a question from that category.
32:03
So you get to choose the category first.
32:05
OK, I'm going to go with, let's just go with the first one,
32:09
general mental health. OK, so I'll just choose the
32:12
first question here. The first question is in general
32:16
mental health. How do I know if I need therapy?
32:19
That's a good question. I think if you find yourself in
32:23
a place where you're struggling with maybe the same kind of
32:27
issue over and over, maybe you have kind of a chronic pattern
32:30
of, you know, unhealthy relationships or maybe addiction
32:35
relapse. Understanding that sometimes we
32:38
need some assistance in kind of breaking those cycles,
32:41
identifying where the cycles come from and then how do we
32:45
implement like solutions and things that we can do in order
32:48
to kind of break those cycles. So really, if you find yourself,
32:52
and sometimes I say, even if even if you don't actively have
32:56
something going on, it doesn't mean that you don't have stuff
33:00
from the past that maybe needs to be addressed and works on.
33:03
So, you know, I think there's, it's kind of one of those things
33:07
when you know, you know, like you will have some instinct
33:10
around it, I think. And if you find yourself just
33:14
kind of it popping into your head that maybe I need to see a
33:17
therapist or, you know, you find yourself curious about therapy,
33:21
then that's probably a pretty good sign that it's not a bad
33:23
idea to go ahead and make an appointment.
33:25
Yeah, if you've never thought about being a ballerina, you're
33:28
probably not someone who needs to be a Valerie.
33:31
Right. Yeah, yeah.
33:33
I totally agree. I think all of those are right
33:35
on. I think and like I said earlier,
33:38
I think everyone could benefit from therapy.
33:41
You know, not everybody has a trauma they have to work through
33:44
or a or not everyone's unhealthy, but just seeing
33:48
somebody to help you kind of prioritize your goals, your
33:50
whatever going on that some area of your life you just want to
33:53
make better. Sure, you could probably benefit
33:56
from therapy, and if you think that you might give it a try.
34:01
There's really nothing to lose. I would say we're all in
34:04
recovery from our childhood, so probably, probably there are
34:08
things. Don't we all want to be a little
34:09
better than we are today? You know, so what's your dealers
34:14
choice category? Let's see, let's go with healing
34:20
and coping. OK, healing and coping so the
34:24
first question is how can I forgive someone who really hurt
34:28
me I'll. Put that back.
34:29
Let's go to a different question.
34:33
Well, it's tough. I think you have to want to
34:36
forgive them. I have think you have to be at a
34:38
place that you're ready to forgive them because I think if
34:41
someone has really hurt you, you have to be angry about it for a
34:44
little while. You have to be heard about it
34:46
for a little while that before you're ready to do anything
34:49
about it. So make sure that you are ready
34:52
to forget, forgive them. And I think the best advice I've
34:55
ever heard about forgiveness is it really isn't for them.
34:58
It's for you because it's eating you up.
35:01
It's not they might not even realize the impact or they may
35:05
not even know that they hurt you or that how bad that they hurt
35:09
you. So this is about you needing to
35:12
let that wound go. It's about you getting better
35:15
not have anything about them. They don't even have to know
35:18
that you have forgiven them or that you're going through this.
35:22
And just, I think assess what that not forgiving them is doing
35:28
to your life. It's probably kind of putting a
35:30
weight on you that's unnecessary.
35:33
And it isn't your burden. They hurt you.
35:35
So it's not your burden to carry that.
35:37
It's it's their burden. They're the ones who did the
35:40
thing, you know, and believe that you're worthy of of a
35:46
better spot, you're worthy of a better place.
35:49
You're worthy of letting that go.
35:51
And, and getting to a better place and kind of letting that
35:54
piece of your history go. And then I think the last thing
35:57
I'd ask myself is why am I hanging on to this?
36:00
Like what purpose is it serving in my life to to bear this
36:05
grudge or this burden of, you know, whatever the weight of, of
36:09
not forgiving them is giving me? What am I getting out of that?
36:13
What are your thoughts about that?
36:15
I think forgiveness is really important.
36:16
I think what you said about it being about us, you know, is, is
36:19
really important. But I also think it's really
36:22
important to understand that forgiveness doesn't mean
36:25
forgetting. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
36:28
you have to continue to be in that relationship with that
36:30
person. So we can forgive people and and
36:34
choose not to continue those relationships.
36:37
If it was something that really, you know, caused us a lot of
36:40
pain and difficulty, you know, sometimes you have to make a
36:44
choice to in that relationship in order to heal fully.
36:48
And so, you know, when I say forgiveness doesn't mean
36:51
forgetting, I just mean like, we don't generally forget things
36:54
that people do to us, that especially things that are
36:57
painful. And so forgiveness to me looks
37:00
like when I find myself thinking about those things, I just
37:03
remind myself, you know what? I've forgiven.
37:05
I've forgiven this person. I've forgiven myself.
37:08
And I'm not going to spend, not going to give this anymore real
37:11
estate or time. I'm going to, you know, just
37:14
remind myself to try to move on when I find myself cycling back
37:18
through it because I don't think it's something where you say,
37:20
oh, I forgive you and then you never think about it again.
37:22
Yeah, just that doesn't happen. But most importantly, I think
37:27
it's just really important that people understand that just
37:29
because you forgive someone does not mean that you have to, you
37:32
know, have warm fuzzy feelings about them going forward.
37:35
It just means that you are working on healing.
37:38
Yourself. I think forgiveness would be a
37:40
great topic for the future too. Definitely, definitely.
37:44
Cuz it can be a hard one. Yeah, well, these have been
37:47
great questions and the ChatGPT ones are very interesting as
37:51
well. So and I thank everybody for
37:53
joining us today. And don't forget to like us,
37:58
share us and ask us your questions.
38:01
Send us your questions through our website, our social media
38:05
platforms. We love to hear from you.
38:08
We love to get topic ideas. So if you have any topic ideas,
38:12
please send them our way. And just remember that we're
38:15
here with a new episode every other Thursday.
38:17
And in between episodes, we have our mental health moments and
38:21
those are great as well. Thank you, Paula, for doing
38:22
those. And as always, don't forget that
38:26
knowledge leads to a Life Live better.
38:32
Thank you for listening to Life Live Better with Paula and
38:35
Joseph. Yay, thank you for listening to
38:40
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38:43
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38:45
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38:52
This episode was written by Paula Garland, edited by Joseph
38:54
Massey, and recorded on Spotify. Information used in this episode
38:58
and other content data can be found in our show notes.
39:01
We look forward to seeing you again in two weeks.